Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
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She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money. The podcast are millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome my friends, back to another Friday episode where we celebrate you ow incredible. She's on the Money community. But this week, my friends, it looks a little bit different because Miss jessic Ricci
as always is here. Hello, but Jessica, where are we We're in New York City, We actually are, and this week we are joined by two friends I would say friends of the show, but also She's on the Money employees who were dragged on and all expenses paid trip to New York. So it's a really hard life. They're really salty. We have Gabby Funham and Brooke Taylor.
Hello.
Hello, Let's introduce them first, Jess, because I feel like you and I are incredibly comfortable behind a mic arguably sometimes too comfortable behind a microphone. Gabby straight under the bus. Who are you? What do you do and why are you in New York?
I'm Gabby, I'm.
Hi Gabby.
Welcome means the PR and marketing manager at She's on the money, just moved on from v's EA, which is a bit of a sad little journey, but it was sad to be my eas to New York, and I'm here just for the vibes, good times. I mean, we're also going to a finance conference, that's mainly why we came. But we also have a heap of really cool interviews that are going to drop over the next couple of weeks that Gabby organized entirely so exactly.
You guys will love them. I'm really excited about it. In Brook Taylor Green, I'm from Taylor Green. That's government name. You're welcome.
I do all video content, so any bad tiktoks you watch. I probably made them, and I'm here because it's way more fun to do a daily blog on behalf of V than to have V do it herself. So I'm just filming everything and anything and going to the conference.
Also, if you're not following us on Instagram, you absolutely should be and TikTok as well, because there is so much good content. We've been having so much fun with it. There's lots of financed but there is also the little bts moments that I feel like everybody loves. And turns out, New York is really expensive, so that's.
Been really expensive.
It's been a little bit gross.
I'm going to actually replace becks broke tips with like why we are broke to come to America and the exchange rate is awful, But yeah, I feel like it's really exciting to actually be here. Finally, we've been talking about this America trip for litual years. Jess and I came to the US last year for the same conference, got a lot out of it, and we are going again. It's called fin Con For anyone who is interested. If you listened last year, you knew that we were there
and we were excited about it. But it's one of those things that it's kind of like a pipe dream. Guys, we're recording in New York City. That is wild. It's like she's on the money gone gossip girl. But let's move on and get some normalcy to this podcast, Miss Jesse Ricci, what are your money wins of the week?
All right? My first money when this week came from Grace, who said, my partner and I went to give the car a quick powerwash at the drey Cart Wash and the meat still.
Had money on it. Freekarwhah.
She call the money win.
That is.
Washing is getting expensive.
I also would never leave money on the meet it, Like even if I was done cleaning, I would find something to clean. Like if I've put ten bucks in and there's still a few dollars left, I'd be like, well, I haven't cleaned it enough, like I'm gonna.
I would not walk away with it.
No, not the one that I go.
I just money win.
I just just get it detailed.
No way. I asked my dad to clean my car when I go back home.
Absolute genius. My next money comes from Kirby, who said we went out to dinner with my family and the poor waiter accidentally dropped my partner's meal all over him and the floor. We were more than happy to just get a replacement and a few extra napkins. But the sweetheart got a meal remade in record time and gave him a refund for his meal and gave him a free drink, and she said, bless his cotton socks.
That is literally the sweetest But as we have a good little story, Yeah, previous waitress who tipped an entire glass of red wine over someone wearing white pants once way back in the day, like the mad anxiety, Like in that moment, you cannot do enough to make up for it, Which is funny because that's not the experience Brooke Taylor Green had, is it.
No?
Recently, I was on a flight back from Thailand and the air hostess walked past me and spilt an entire cup of coffee, like not a little bit and a tip of coffee and was like walking at full pace and goes, oh sorry, and they.
Just did not worry and then threw a towel back to me.
Lean it up.
I was worried about it. He was like, yeah, you deal with this coffee. Yep, that's why we now fly United. That's fine, that's absolutely fine. Just what else have you got next?
I have one from Chantal who says I'm learning to plant, cook, and preserve a vegy garden. I spent the weekend making way for some summer veggies to go in. And this is what I've kicked. I suppose it's a small, continuous money when as it's almost forced a way to keep me active and I have to do something with what I grow, akay eat it or find ways to reuse the scraps. And there's a little photo.
We love a photo.
I do love a photo, albeit I do have to admit that like I don't have the commitment for that. And my favorite types of photos that people put in the wind threads are dogs. Yeah, we love Yes, we love a dog.
I feel like I go through the phase like every summer where I'm like, this year is the year I'm going to do a veggie patch, and Mum comes and like helps me pick all the beginner ones and then I just give up and they die.
That's quite it's not a money win, I think, Yeah, no, it's morbidly wholesome.
I won't get one of those veggie pod things and it's funny because someone put I have another money in from Jess great name, who said I bought a veggie pod to start growing vegetables at home, and I got sixty dollars cash back. Hopefully growing some vege continues to be a money in. I've always wanted one of those things because it protects them from the sun and the bugs and like all that kind of stuff.
I have that pot I made a couple of years ago. Do you remember when I went and got the worm garden and put it in a really big planter, And now it's so just like Gabby, they all died. They all died, and I pulled them out recently and I'm going to replant them and it's going to look lush for approximately three months.
I'm excited to eat some homegrown carrots for Victoria's backyard and not lu Next, I've got a money win from Brittany, who said I didn't tell my employer I had finished paying off my hextet and I just cashed it in when I got my tax back, and I got seven grand Bunny we forced savings, and I'm really happy about it.
Gabby was celebrating the other day because you got a tax return you weren't expecting.
Yeah.
I decided to take the plunge and actually pay a tax professional to do my tax this year, which was had a little bit of a moral debate about it, but anyway, I was just like, if I can do it myself on my Gov, but MyGov told me I was going to o two thy four hundred, went to the taxman, got back two thy four hundred, did a full switcheroo.
We have broken even.
That is a tax slay, absolutely, yes, it is so.
For those playing along at home when you put brook Green and I in the same room. What's the word that we use too much sleigh? Yeah, and Gabby does not like it.
All the perfon WD people will be getting PTSD right now.
Yeah.
Yeah, I tried to put a sleigh limit on but it's hard.
I actually had to stop myself because there's many moments where like a money win.
That's a sleigh, Like you've slade replaced the sleigh with the money win.
Yeah, but it's just okay, But they told us their money win and I want to celebrating, but feel slaves fine boots cuts down, all right, Jess, what else if.
You got every money win. Just know that the team thinks it's a big sleigh. Lastly, I've got money lost from Alana. I think this is a very relatable one. She said, money Loss Meccha Holiday has dropped. The lady at the register asked if I wanted them wrapped, and I said, no, they're all for me.
I'm sorry, there's nothing wrong with that. But there's also nothing wrong with that. But you guys know, whenever I order from Mecca online, by the way, level four, waiting for them to invite me to their next level once they decide to create one. But I always write to Victoria Slave Victoria, and I always ask for gift wrapping and then I open it because nine times out of ten this is not a good thing to admit. I can't remember what I put in my box. I just need it yourself to me from me.
Exactly true.
It's probably packed faster when you gift trap it because it's a smaller section. I used to work in the ware house.
Is it actually in Melbourne?
It's two separate at least at the Melbourn ware House it's two separate divisions.
Oh my gosh. So if I tick normal box slash not normal box.
It's just higher volume in normal like they're packing like their lives depend on it.
They do because at Tilbury very quickly is the answer.
Yeah, they're brilliant.
We love you, Mecca, all right. So unfortunately beck did not come to fing On with us this year.
We've got other work to do it home, which is fair.
Yeah, it's fair like she works for iHeart, not for Victoria Divine, which is quite sad. I mean, you guys are probably quite envious. But that's okay. But I decided this week instead of doing becks broke tips, we're going to do She's on the money, is what's making you broke this week? In New York City. Yes, the other day, I think you're going to talk about your are a sau refreshers that you're obsessed with. You had a conniption at the dining table when you realized what that.
I hadn't been taking into account and con To be honest, I hadn't even asked them how much they were. I just remember that I loved these last year. I came in and I was like, tappy, tap tap, terrible habit, don't do it, tapping away, And then I was just checking my bank account to see where we were at and I was like, oh my god, I'm paying twelve dollars fifty.
Your drinks had a little more down and you don't even get the big one. Did you just get like the grande, which is really the size of like the medium?
Yeah.
Medium? At home, I would say, yeah, I couldn't believe it. I was very sad about it, but money. And Victoria bought mine this morning for me.
Yeah, because I felt bad.
She was like, I'm not going to get one.
Yeah, because it was like having which makes sense. And I was like, well, you deserve this strawberry esayu refresher from Starbucks?
You do, and you don't have coffee, so I feel like you.
Need to ye yourself. And she always deserves it.
Yeah, if you don't drink coffee, the refreshers have caffeine in them.
They're delicious. They taste like juice.
Oh ten out of ten, Gabby, what have you learned about money being in New York City?
Oh?
I just think the massive, like the tax on top of what you're buying, it is the biggest. Like went to Sephora bought a lip bum and a lip gloss.
And it cost me like eighty five dollars Australian.
Because tax on that. Yeah, think about it in the shops. I was like, I mean, do not check.
But then you know, when you buy it in USD you're like, oh, it's it's fine.
But yeah made me cry a little, but that was fine.
It's not because the exchange rates are dollars sixty approximately.
In my Yeah, I have another good one that Uber eats. The other night with Uber eats popcorn and two cokes because we did a wholesome little movie night in and you breached two cokes and they looked, you know, you pay a little bit more on in Uber. It's it's fine. You expect it from like not far away at all. And it was like thirty eight dollars between the conversion, the tax.
The service, the delivery, like.
And I can't wrap my brain.
I have never been more thankful that Australian just keep it so simple, I know.
But then you feel bad for not tipping.
Yeah, and like the onus is on you, so you could tip ten percent, but then you look like a bad person and then you like, I'm basically saying to them, oh, I don't think you did a good job, but they did do a good job, so you've got to give them the twenty percent.
But twenty percent on anything you buy so much money.
That's a lot of money if you've got But that's what I've been putting because I'm an anxious girl and I don't want to think that I'm not kind. Yeah, like I'm not going to go to a restaurant and be super nice to you, Gabby, and they'd be like, you are not worth a tip ill and.
Twenty percent standard.
So if you really like them, you should be giving, yeah, like twenty five, but it'd be like one hundred dollars lunch. Then that's very bad at math. So about a one hundred dollar lunch. Actually, we the other night, we got in quite late from our plane we arrived from Australia. We got to our airbnb, we set up, and then we ordered Chick fil A. I have not shared with you how much this cost. Soh no, Taylor Green has been running out how much does it cost? And I
thought I just bring it up on the show. Okay, So how much did our Chick fil A order the other day cost? Everybody got chicken tenders, you got a side of chips, and you all got a standard sized drink, nothing exciting on the side, and we did out on like a couple of sauces. Here in the sauces are included in the cost of the okay, yeap, oh no, I think I got ed weird? Yeah, you need like I need fifty Chick fil a Lucky?
We removed that.
How much did that cost delivered? It was on uber It's I'm going one hundred and twenty. I'm trying to do the math mentally in my head and figure it out. No, you cheat by doing the me.
You gotta say quickly, fast and loose baby, fast and loose eighty five dollars.
It was about one hundred dollars USD, which converts to one hundred and sixty dollars takeaway, doesn't That makes me want to cry?
But how.
Pay for it? So sorry?
But I love the holy money in that was actually a money for us six We saved ourselves like thirty dollars each.
Yeah.
But then on top of that, I had to tip, and obviously taxes were added to that. But I had to tip, and I was really worried that if I didn't tip enough, they wouldn't bring my food very quickly. And it would be cold. So I don't know this. This economy makes me incredibly anxious, stressful.
It is because all the onus is on you, like you are a part of the process.
Where ITAs in Australia you go to macas ten dollars, Yep, done, thanks bye, I have.
Ten ten dollars. It is what is on the label.
Yeah, and then here you get a service charge, you get a tip and then it's like a is there anything more o?
Yeah?
And the taxes taxes on topic, Broke, what have you learned about money while being in the Big USA?
Accommodation in America is really expensive, like anywhere you go like hotels, like even like a dodgy motel, throwing a few dollars a night, which in Australia like a motel you can get like a fifty dollar dodgy motel.
We're not staying in dodgy motels, Broke, No, No, I know, but like even I was.
I recently was in like Lake Tahoe and it's like middle of it's not the correct season to go in the dingiest place ever. It was three hundred and seventy dollars a night and it was like there was not even a fridge.
There was not even we didn't have a nye, Like, it's just expense. Everything's expensive. Do you know what Jess doesn't like about the US actually, because talking about they didn't even have a They don't have kettles here.
It's so so somebody, my friend is studying here and she said that they they're making like a tea. They put it in the microwave.
No, no, they don't. The water flow. That's why.
Yeah, last year, Victory had to buy me a kettle for whole rooms so I could fill.
Up my hot water. Did you bring it this time? Because it was we left it in the US because it was a full kettle. It was a full kettle. This woman had a full conniption that she could not put water in her hot water bottle and you could see her having an internal meltdown. Wasn't externals around. She was just trying to keep it together in front of me, and she was like, it's fine, it's fine, it doesn't matter,
it doesn't matter. And you know when someone's just like talking to themselves at the same point, saying, so we made a late night dash to Walmart, which is terrifying, by the way, why do you sell groceries, clothes, shoes and guns in the same location shops? But anyway, we asked, didn't we jest? We asked for a kettle. The guy looked at us like we were on crack.
I didn't even know what it was.
He was like, what's a kettle? And we were like, you know, you put boiling water in there, and he did not understand. That's fine. We did find one kettle in the whole store. It was really expensive if we had to buy it because j wasn't going to sleep, and then we let it something different. No, it's literally called an electric kettle. They care about the.
Commodity them, and the electric one as well, because sometimes like our airbnb has one you put on the burner, but most people at home wouldn't use one on the burner.
Just because the people the Westeak now it's house is really fancy, so of course they have a very esthetic, copper like style kettle.
Gorgeous.
I would almost bet that they don't drink tea. I feel like that's not very it's lovely. I had a little look. You're went through all their stuff for his snowy all right, no worries let's go to a really quick break on the flip side. I want to talk to you guys about a money dilemma. This week we're talking about micro investing, and then we're also going to be answering a juicy money question that you slid into our DMS about which this week we're talking about splitting
finances in a relationship before having children. Don't go anywhere, guys, Welcome back everybody.
Let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
Hi.
There, have you got.
A money dilemma you just can't solve? The Sheese on the Money Team is here to help.
Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
Hi, She's on the Money Team. So I'm currently wanting to start micro investing about twenty dollars a week. And I've also heard a lot about the roundup feature on the different apps, which sounds a lot of fun. It's just very confusing with all the apps out there and the monthly plans that are pretty high in fees at the end of the day. So yeah, just wanting some advice on this and how to make sure that with such a small amount of money invested every week, I
don't end up paying a lot in fees? Like how how much are we looking at? Percentage wise? If you girls could clarify that, I would be amazing. Thank you so much.
So obviously we cannot give you personal advice.
We can talk about the functionality of different products.
Absolutely, I can talk about my experience, right Like that's not.
Yeah, totally no, no, no, what do you do? Tell us?
So I use Sharesy, and you guys know that they're a friend of the show. But I like them because I started off.
Micro investing before I started.
Investing larger amounts, and they have the roundups feature, which I really like. They have the ability for you to buy shares in the US Stock Exchange, which is something else that I really like, even though they are a platform that allows you to invest in very small amounts from as little as consent.
So relevant for this episode, Jessica Ici, because what did we do right before coming to the iHeart Studios to record this. We touched the ball? Where do we do it? Wall Street? I'm officially a Wall Street girlie. I stood in front of the Wall Street Oh sorry, I stood in front of the American Stock Exchange for a good five minutes staring at it before Gabby was like, we have places to be and I was like, do not realize how iconic this moment is for me? Stop it?
And she was just like, we've got to go, Like we're on a timeline. I'm like, I don't run a tight shit. We get for me, Gabby. I was trying, but.
I was like, all right, we got like two minutes.
And then when VCS we're running ahead of schedule, She's like this is great, Like we'll just go get a coffee.
And I'm like, oh, but that will put us behind again. Let's to keep.
Going victory as well. Do you just live in it? Yeah, that's true. Sorry, Sorry, sorry, back on track.
Che contract. I think you definitely need to look at different platforms. I like the fact that on Chairsyas there's a few different options. You can pay like a monthly subscription that kind of covers those fees, or you can pay as you go but all of the platforms have different percentages, which is why it is so important to your own research and why we are so quick to
say there's no one platform for everybody. So have a look around, have a look at the features you want, because not all of the platforms have those fun features. We've round up to something that's important to you. Make sure that that's available on whatever you want to use. But yeah, it's going to very place to place, and it really depends on if you want an easy to use app.
Or if you want something really fancy.
Because you want something fancy, chare Y's is very simple, which is why I chose it when I was starting out, Whereas if you want heaps of reports and big fancy things, I'm not one of those girlies.
I might just keep going for both. So, as you guys know, I do invest on chair zas, but I also do love a little bit more of a complex platform sometimes just because I like the research and the insights. But she did specifically men micro investing, which I think is worth talking about because you technically micro invest Jess on the Shaza's platform, so you are taking small amounts of money and investing them with Shares's right and you
use the roundup feature and it all makes sense. That feature is also on platforms like Rays and like Spaceship, which are incredibly popular within our community. However, those are more i would say true micro investing platforms where Jess, you got to pick your ETF that you're investing into. You have a lot more control over your portfolio, and it's still just as accessible as the quote micro investing apps.
But I think I've said it before, I love micro investing app It's like the gate raad drug of investing because you don't feel overwhelmed when you start right, Like you can just do a few dollars here and there,
you can download the app, it's all really shiny and easy. However, once you get to a solid amount of money, you find that most people want to see down their micro investing app and go over to a quote real investing app to have a bit more control because that is going to take you all the way through to retirement.
So if I use you as an example, which I'm really glad I have you to use this example of you're not going to need to leave Shares's for your entire life, Like if you decided right Shares's is it. I've picked my two ETFs only No, you've got two because I look at your portfolio two, so Perby, I'm like, what what you got, Gabby? What's in there? Show me?
But I think it's important to understand that a Shares's platform is a little bit more scalable, whereas something like a micro investing platform that to me is dipping your toes in the water and getting a little bit comfortable with it, and you might progress to a bigger platform. The fees should be relatively comparable in saying that you are always going to be paying more fees on lower amounts because the same transactions have to occur on a
dollar versus one thousand dollars. Right, you've got your brokerage, you have transaction fees, you might have app or administration fees, and all of those things are reasonable. That's why it's probably worth jumping into our Facebook community and understanding what are other people in our community using? What apps? Could I look at? Have a look at our investing guide that's on our website, go back to our investing series that we did on the podcast a couple of months
or even probably a year ago. With shares is, I think those things are really important to understand because if you want to start small, you don't necessarily just have to go for micro investing platforms anymore. But be aware that the fees at the very start are going to feel in percentage terms, a lot higher. But for me, that's an investment into your financial literacy because even if you're paying two dollars fifty a month and you're investing
ten dollars that twenty five percent. That's a lot. But look what you're learning, Look what's compounding, Look where the growth is coming from, not just necessarily in terms of making money, but in terms of your growth mindset and putting you know yourself first. So when money starts to compound, you're in the best possible position, and you kind of
have to start there. But once you get to having a bigger portfolio, like I know you do, Gabby, and I know you do Jess, and I'm pretty sure you do too, Brook, because you're like a little investing queen. You you're a bit of an investing bro. Though I do I don't want to talk to her on the podcast about what she invests in because she consistently offends me. However, I don't I have no money in crypto, you said
the other day. I pick up on that. I thought you were serious portfolio Say, how did you pick your portfolio? Side note, I went through due diligence, like I went on many a Reddit for I'm a lover of Reddit. Oh yeah, Reddit reliable, because I want to see what everyone else is investing in.
And then I actually did like weeks of research. I googled every like diversified fine ETF because I knew that was the best way to go. Yes, and then I went through and clarified what I wanted, and then I diversified again because I was panicked.
I don't want to be I love this. That was a very cheese on the money answer. Thanks, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it. I know that Jess and Gabby are the same. But once you have those bigger portfolios, you're aiming for about one percent in fees, Like anything under one percent sligh, anything above one percent, You kind of go, what could I be doing differently? Is that the platform
is that the ETF. You also have to be very aware that an ETF is going to have fees and the platform is going to have fees, so there are going to be fees coming from two places, and you need to consider that. That is not me warning you, oh my gosh, their fees, don't do it. Just be clear on what it is because obviously from little things, big things grow. You've heard this said a million times on the podcast. But I do genuinely believe that it's
an investment into your education. And if you start worrying about fees really really early, like I said in my very first book, if you pay peanuts, you're going to get monkeys. So you want to be investing in something that makes sense for you, that is scalable, not necessarily going what's the cheapest option.
Yeah, definitely, I think for me, like personally, I'm still in a very beginner phase of my investing journey and I would still consider myself micro investing.
How are you doing that? Do you have a micro investing platform on race space?
She shares E is, And I'm just investing small amounts monthly from my pay which obviously a dollar doesn't stretch as far as it did.
A year ago, not in America at least, No.
But like you say, V, I have found like just wrapping my head around the statements and all of that really really helpful, and I think, like you say, the education you get from doing it is really really important. And even though you don't see massive returns at one point, and I'm as page as like as it gets with investing, I'm just in ETFs, the boring ETFs.
Actually that I did know that.
Yeah, so I think that I'm a very basic investor. But I do think the education I'm getting from that is really really good. And I didn't know the one percent things, So I'm happy I'm sitting here and about where my fee should be going.
Yeah, hold on, Sleigh, sleigh A we gotta slay out of her. Alright, I answers the question that is a ten out of ten. So we have a very spicy DM that I'm excited to get two new opinions on. Mister scree, are you ready to hear it? So here's the DM. Hi, she's on the money team. Could I please get your advice. I've been with my fiance for five years and we are starting to talk about having a family. We both earn one hundred and ten thousand dollars a year, but I have less outgoings and also
receive bonuses. My issue is at current I do a majority of the cooking, the cleaning, the groceries, et cetera. But I also contribute more financially. I see where this is going. We split rent fifty to fifty, but I often pay for groceries, utilities, date nights. And when I bring it up that I'm paying for a lot of our lifestyle, my fiance doesn't agree and it becomes really awkward,
so I just drop it. Now that he's wanting to discuss planning for kids, I really want to be firm that unless he can cover all of our bills with his wage, I will not be having children. I don't think it's fair that I do all of the extra work and still contribute heavily to bills. He says he is going to do as much childcare and housework as me, but based on the last three years, that just isn't true. And I'm starting to feel resentful. Please send help.
I feel I don't know.
No.
I really want their opinions first, Jessica, because they're not say you guys, I'm ready. I think I'll start with.
Mean.
Yours is going to be mean? Is it's most to be honest?
You're gonna have a blunt delivery. No, I can't.
Empathize with this situation that much because I don't have a partner. I've never lived with a partner, but I can imagine that would be very frustrating if I was living with a man who wasn't really pulling his weight and I was contributing more financially and just to everything around.
I think we're going to have just a unanimous decision here.
I know where this is going.
Like, I think it's very fair to not want to have children with someone who clearly isn't aligning with you in that space.
And I just feel bad for her because that's.
Very frustrating, especially when she's trying to communicate that to him, and it might be like talking to a bit of a brick.
Wall, yep.
And she's saying that she doesn't want to have kids with him if he don't want to do all these things, but she already has a child him financially she's doing is cooking and cleaning, like she already has a child. Like if your partner is not stepping up now, he's not going to step up then because it's harder than you're going to be on less sleep. So it either there needs to be something that gives like she can't do everything, She's not wonder woman.
I think it depends on how important having children is to as well, because if it's something that you're desperate for, then it's it's not going to work. But if you're kind of like, oh, like, I don't mind like my lifestyle now, I'm happy with it obviously, Like, I think that you should get to a place where you feel satisfied with the amount that he's contributing. And I think that we need to remember that the household chores are
a mental load. Being a stay at home parent or a stay at home partner is a full time job in and of itself. Running a household is a job. If one person is doing all of that labor and contributing more financially, that's a lot for anybody.
I think I would agree. I feel like I have to play diplomat here though, and put on the table that we need to have some conversations about this.
So let's be honest to be a diplomatic.
Yeah, Like I mean, to me, it's a red flag if you're saying I don't want to have kids with this man, because I have been in that situation before, not with my husband, because, to be honest, I think my husband is the best thing that's ever happened in you.
I don't have kids with your husband would be a bit too late.
He is a bit too late, give me three months. But it's one of those things where that was what I was looking for in a partner. I was quite clear that I wanted someone who was exactly on the same page as me when it came to just life and how you divide up tasks and what you do and what that looks like. And I feel really grateful for that. But that was very intentional. It's not an accident that my husband is good at those things. I
didn't train him or anything like that. I just was very attracted to somebody who was relatively self sufficient and independent and had their stuff together. But I also think if your partner's not seeing it the way you are, we need to do a bit more investigating and go, okay, well, let's not have an argument using words like Gabby, you do this is actually really aggressive. Let's take those conversations off the table and go, I just feel like this, how can we explore that a bit more? What would
that mean? Like you're saying that you're doing fifty to fifty. Why do I feel that it's not? Because one thing that I have learned, and this is not a good thing. Thankfully, Steve and I don't argue too much, but I have a very deep belief that you can argue your way out of anything. Except you can't tell me how I feel. So the second I tell you how you feel, I can't be like, oh, well, Jess, if you feel left
out by that, that's on you. I'm gonna have to go, oh, actually, let's do a little bit of self reflection, if that makes sense.
I love when you talk psychology to me.
That's really good. It's important, though, So like, maybe we can sit down, maybe we can do a budget. If you feel genuinely that you're paying more, I'm sorry, but that's actually quite black and white. You could print it out and be like, well, let's do a budget. Let's actually look at this. What does your shared finances look like? If you're saying you're paying more but he's not, maybe
there's not actually a fair division. And if you're saying that this is a man that you want to have kids with, maybe we do need to talk about Okay, well, maybe we have a shared account, and you both transfer the same amount to that shared account. Still have completely separate finances, but there's an agreed amount for bills and for groceries and everything that's fifty to fifty. Maybe that will make you feel a little bit more in control.
And then I think we should also talk about the division of labor, Like if we're talking about who's vacuuming and who's washing up, and what does that actually look like. I know that sometimes I go, oh my god, Jeeve never cleans the bathroom. It's the worst. Gabby's laughing because she spends a very significant amount of her time at mine house. That's me with tunnel vision, because that's just a job that I have elected to do. There's no division of labor. But Gabby Steve does everything else.
See there's a yes, very domestic goddesses.
He's a perfect heath husband.
I think it's so hard to like track those things. Like you say, it's easy with the budgeting because you can literally sit down and go ABCD, it's black and white. But then with division of labor, it's like if someone thinks that they're doing something, it's very hard to take them out of that.
And like you say you get tunnel vision.
Yeah, exactly, and you might have, and I'm not saying you do it. I don't want to gaslight you into thinking that you're the problem. You are absolutely not. But like if I look at it and go, we were having a very isolated conversation and I go, oh, no, Steve never cleans the bathroom. That's kind of actually true. Does that mean that he's a bad person when it comes to division of labor? No, because everyone on my team knows he does way more than me. I've never
taken out the bins. I can't remember the last time I emptied the dishwasher.
I've even done those things at me.
All right, moving on, But I think it's one of those things where you know, we'll sit down and have a think. Like sometimes in relationships, there might be and I don't ever want to call them boy and girl tasks, but there might be tasks that he does that he's like, no, I am, but you don't see them, and vice versa, because if he's not seeing them and you're not seeing them,
maybe he doesn't see how much you're contributing. Maybe he grew up in a household where his mom did literally everything for him, and it's just something he didn't think about when it comes to doing washing or finding his undies or you know, literally doing anything of that type. So I think having a conversation about, Okay, what does
division of labor look like right now? Once we get that solid, maybe we can talk about having kids, because if after that you still don't want to have kids with that man, that's a red flag.
You don't want to have kids.
Oh that's a different story.
Let's pray.
We're just assuming that she's in a position where she does want to have a baby. She just doesn't want at a baby with that man right now.
I hate these dms when we're like we just need like.
I always want the contracts. I'm a bad Can I.
Call you get them on?
Give me your goss like I need it? Oh my god? What else did he do? Does he cook dinner? What does he cook? Can he cook?
It sounds like she does want to talk about kids.
She does.
It's so she like, like she said, she starting to resent him.
It's not equal, doesn't feel like equal playing field. So she's just going to get another thing umped on her.
Yeah, and tell your partners, like if they're not contributing enough tell them. Victoria said, it's very Sexy's very sexy.
It's a turn on for sure, turn out of ten.
All right, let's leave it there, because otherwise I will gloat way too much about my husband. We have a lot of New York to explore and spend money on. Magnolia Bakery. You better watch out. Thank you for joining us, Gabs and Brooks for having us. We're going to do another episode next week. Jess, Where from you? Orleans? All right? See you, lady. Guys, have the best weekend, and we'll see you on Monday, bright and early for a money diaries. Bye bye.
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