Hello.
My name is Satasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud or the Order Kerni Whaltbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country. Acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through.
As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
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She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money. The podcast does that let's you be pervy about other people's money habits educational purposes of course. Welcome back to another one of our money diaries where I get the absolute privilege of talking to one of our incredible She's on the Money community members all about their journey. Before I read out today's email, I actually just want to jump in here and give a content warning. So today we are
going to be discussing domestic violence. We are going to be talking about financial abuse, and if that's not for you and you aren't in the mood for hearing that, or it is a story that is one that you just don't really want to hear right now, jump off. We have more than seven hundred other episodes you can listen to, but if you're still sticking around, let's get into it. This week, I got a very powerful message and it sounded like this, dear, she's on the money.
I grew up in a working class family. Mum raised two kids on her own, and my dad didn't pay child support, so she busted her balls, working three jobs. I've seen her lose money due to relationship breakdowns, one boyfriend. Our house down when I was in grade four, which left us with nothing. I've always been sensible with money, but normal. Then I married into a very wealthy family, super yachts rich. My husband didn't want me to work, and I followed him and his career, and I got
sucked in by all the shiny things. After I sold my only asset, my home, I discovered over time he was conning people for money. We lived a very lavish life, but other people were paying for it. I had no control, understanding, or access to money. During our marriage. I had to ask for money for petrol. We didn't even have a joint account. One day, when he was away for work, I left my Porsche keys on the coffee table and fled into State with our six month old baby with
no access to money. My story has been a wild ride, and I am now obsessed with getting back in front financially. I would love to be brave and shared the story, Diarist, What a privilege that you want to share it with me.
Thank you so much. That sounds so strange to hear that being read back to me.
It's weird when it's vocalized, isn't it. Everyone says that they're always like, oh my god, Like I'm pretty cool, an't I? It's true, though, I am so excited to ask so many perfect questions about this. But before we get their money, Diarist, what grade would you give your money habits? From A through to F.
I'm going to say A C C.
All right, Well, now we get to learn more about that money, Diarist, Can you tell me a little bit more about your money story?
I can so grew up in a very normal working class situation. I was definitely fed the message to put your head down, bump up work, buy a house as the first thing that you do and then live your life, and that was your main asset. It was very I guess, very standard, nothing too adventurous, but safe the message that
I got. And I saw my mum do, and yeah, I think I was on track for that, and I yeah, fell into a situation where I got a dazzled by someone who I thought was smarter than me with money, someone who I thought was way in front of me with money. And I got really impressed by that.
Of course, like I would be too, even if like I'm friends with someone who's doing well, Like it's not just about them having lots of money. Usually if you have lots of money, you probably have a business or you're like really tenacious or like really confident. Like it's not it's not just like, oh they have money, how attractive. It's like all of the other stuff that comes along with it. That's not just the stuff. It's like the personality traits.
Right, Ah, that is exactly right. I got impressed with the confidence, the vision, all of that.
We all want that though, Like you will impress me if you've got vision, you got confidence. I'm like, I'm on this journey with your baby, like we aren't even getting married. I just want to be a.
Friend, Like, yeah, that's right. And I'd seen my mom struggle, like really struggle. I mean I remember coming home from school every night on my own, you know, having to do like prep dinner. We didn't do lavish holidays. You know. My mom just made ends meet, basically, And like I said in my intro, I saw my mom lose a lot of money and everything when our house burnt down and having to start from scratch. I'm talking wearing hand me down clothes to school and everything.
That is a piece of the puzzle that I think we have glossed over here. Your house got burned down by your mum's at the time boyfriend.
Yes, so she'd ended the relationship and here he was very jealous and controlling and we went away for a weekend and we weren't going twenty four hours in our house was burnt to the ground, she deliberately. Yeah. So I think, yes, the history there of like the financial ups and downs is really strong for me. And also that kind of power and control dynamic going on. Yeah. So that's something that I've had to really face and
kind of live with and kind of hopefully overcome. Yeah, but that was rough.
Because that's trauma. Like that's not just rough, that's serious. Trump is your mum? Okay, now my mom is.
Yeah. Like with that background that I said, it was very sensible. You know, we didn't live outside our means or buy something if we couldn't afford it. That was always the message that I got. So Mom didn't go out and buy a brand new couch when her house got rebuilt. She waited. So we didn't have a couch for a year, you know what I mean? So, or we had hand me downs and so when we got that couch after a year, it was like the best
thing ever. So I've taken those things into my life where we don't you know, I don't live outside my means, and you know I say for things or I say no if I can't if it's not going to work for me financially to go away that weekend.
Or yeah, totally. So you've grown up like most of us. And then how old were you? You met what you thought was the man of your dreams? But how did that eventuate? Honestly? Like, I know this didn't work out for you, but how do we meet someone who's super yacht rich, Like, how do we do that because like like key asking for a friend.
Ah yeah, that's a point of contentious issue with myself and my best friend because she introduced us.
Oh the audacity.
She didn't know.
Honestly, if I had a super yacht rich friend and then my friend was single, I'd be like, guys, I have a match for you.
Yeah. Yeah. She thought she was doing great thing. And honestly, I just went head over heels. You know, I was swept off my feet. There was the full fairy tale scenario. So I had just recently come out of a relationship of six or seven years, and you know, I was grieving that. And it wasn't a bad breakup or anything. We just I'd come to the end of our end of our time, and you know, I was in my mid thirties, and I just knew it wasn't the guy that I was going to have, you know, get married
to and have children with. So we ended it. And then it wasn't only six months later that this other person came into my life, and you know, I was still grieving and feeling that loneliness that you feel post break up and questioning your life and what's going to happen and I'm not going to have children and all this.
Time, I'm going to be single forever.
Yeah.
I literally thought I'm going to be single forever. And then I met this guy and it was like lavishness from the start, you know, dinners flying here, flying there.
So you got completely love Bob.
Oh. Yeah, who doesn't like having huge bouquets of flowers, you know, turning up at their office.
I'm not going to lie, like I get that, Like I'm just a girl at the end of the day. Like that sounds fun. Like I wish I'd been more adventurous in my dating years, you know.
And I think I saw my mom go through such struggle and I became, you know, so hyper independent. You know, I just built my own house. Like I was so independent that I think for there was a time I went, oh my god, I don't have to be here's someone saying you don't have to work, you don't have to do this, you can have whatever you and I went, oh my god. What It was almost like a relief. I went, wow, you know, maybe this is so nice.
Yeah yeah, yeah. So but what I didn't do was really evaluate the situation and kind of see those red.
Fogs tinted glasses on, and when you see red flags through rose tinted glasses, they look pink.
Oh yeah, so the red flags are it? You know? And I will say this to anyone that's listening. The red flags are there from the start, but we.
Don't want to look at them and like, oh, like red flags are so easy to look past. When you get a really big bunch of flowers, you're like, oh, clearly he didn't mean that. Like, don't get me wrong, I'm not endorsing that because we don't want that to happen. Like you're sharing your story obviously for a number of reasons, but one of them would be because you don't want this to happen to somebody else's right. I also don't want people to feel shamed that they went through it.
And I'm sure that you went through that period of time and you'd be like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed, Like these red flags were here the whole time. No, Like we are innately emotional human beings. We can we can maybe look past a red flag if it feels good.
Absolutely, I still feel like, how how how did I not act on that? Or how did I let that go. I mean, I would never again, but yes, I mean I'd also come out of a relationship with a really nice person.
So you just don't expect it.
Yeah, I didn't expect it, but it's amazing how quickly I lost my footing. You know, within six months, I wasn't working, Like I'm the person that's always had two jobs and all the things. But next minute I was, you know, overseas following his business ventures, and I wasn't working. And it is insane. How if you don't, I don't have money coming in of your own, how quickly that starts to destabilize you and make you feel wobbly, And
the power dynamic shifts almost instantly. And even though I was reassured by him that you know, this was going to be like an easy thing and he was going to look after me and I didn't have anything to worry about, et cetera, et cetera, that I was instantly changed.
Yeah.
Wow, he I'd flown across the world and you know, had committed to going overseas for this year period which ended up being two years, and I didn't work, And so I found myself feeling very much the power dynamic me being at the bottom and him being at the top. And it wasn't a good situation because I didn't get an idea of money with us, Like, I didn't know where money was coming in from. I didn't have any
clue as to the financial situation. I was given a little bit of money every day and I'd go out and buy the groceries and you know, do my thing, and I just, yeah, that was the beginning of being incredibly disempowered around money and falling into a situation where my self esteem got really affected by it, and it just continued.
Then yeah, wow, so you met this guy. He swept you off your feet literally and figuratively. You're not working six months in Like, honestly, this could have worked out so well if he wasn't who he was and he wasn't like, it could have been a dream life. And that's exactly what you were anticipating. Someone once said to me that the reason you didn't see the red flags was because you would never operate in the same way,
so you didn't know what you were looking for. If you just saw it, and if you had bought a really big bouquet of flowers for somebody, it would have been from a place of love, and you would have assumed that that's what everybody does, right, Like, if you want to buy me flowers, it would be coming from a great place because if it was reciprocal, that's how
I would have meant it. So you're not thinking that, honestly, the strategy and the thought process and what love bombing is, because you're just like, oh, that's so nice, Like I wish I'd thought of that. And I think that that's something you need to remember because so many people in situations like this, they blame themselves. And it's like, don't
blame yourself. In fact, reward yourself because you're such a good person that that wouldn't have even been a part of your thought process to do something like that, And that's why it swept you off your feet, Like that's why it was so easy for them to do to you.
I know, talk about sitting dark. I mean, if I owed someone fifty dollars and forgot to pay, I'd feel really bad about that, you know, And I, like I said, I'd always lived in my means, so I didn't know. I didn't have experience with people living outside of their means to such an extent either so or you know, being murky around money, because my family was very just straightforward. Yeah. So then when we came back.
So you've been away for two years, you came back and then did you get married?
Yes? Great, got married? Had the two hundred odd thousand dollar wedding.
Geez, Louise, what's a two hundred thousand dollar wedding buy you lots of stuff?
No? But this is how extreme it was. So my wedding dress, you would think for a two hundred thousand dollar wedding would be what like a what I think it was two hundred and fifty dollars? Excuse me? Like I didn't have money to buy a wedding dress. I didn't.
Wait what that wasn't part of How do you have a two hundred thousand dollar wedding and then the bride doesn't have access to cash?
I know, I know, I can't, Like I'm saying it now, like a how I didn't have an f postcard that had money on it?
I didn't, And like that makes sense, but like how was this guy that you married paying for stuff? And did you ever say, oh, can I have money for a wedding dress? Or is that in budget, Like how do these conversations eventuate. I'm just being pervy. I wouldn't be allowed to ask this if it was just two friends at brunch, but like we're on money podcast, I'm meant to ask this.
I want to share this because I think money plays such a big part in women's health and sense of
safety and sense of everything, security options. And I think by the time I got back from overseas, I was so wobbly, and I didn't have that income for the last two years, and yeah, so I felt like I couldn't ask him anything about money because I would be dismissed or made to feel that I wouldn't get it, you know, or like I think I was called simple minded a few times, just like constantly put down so that I, you know, as if I wouldn't get the
big vision or wouldn't get the picture because that's not my background. And so I think my self esteem was so low that I felt like I couldn't ask for those things, so I didn't. I just kind of plodded along on my own, doing my own thing, and as a result, antic lavish wedding, like I went and bought a two hundred and fifty dollar dress, which looked pretty cool actually, but you like, I still have style.
Come on, but I remember borrowing, like I remember.
My brother paying for like a flower for my hair, And yeah, it was really really confronting. But everyone at that wedding thought that I had the most amazing life and that this was all like, you know, no one knew. I didn't tell anyone this stuff. I was so ashamed.
Yeah, and like that makes sense. So you've married this guy, will we on a honeymoon?
Like?
What did we do? What do you do after a two hundred thousand dollar wedding?
Didn't do a honeymoon? At that point, I think we had just built a house in a very I guess you would say blue chip area, and then so we moved into that and we hadn't even been in that for a few weeks when said person came home and said, I've sold the house and all the furniture in it, so you need to move out. So like this house I would physically built was then sold. Like I didn't have any decisions. I was not involved in one decision to do with money in our relationship.
Never once was there any conversation about why he'd sold the house. And all your furniture.
No, no, so there's just so much murkiness. So he I know. So then next minute we moved out of that, and.
That would have actually spiraled me because like I would have felt so insecure and so untrusted and so like, you know, my feelings aren't being considered. But I'm assuming after having that for a few years, you don't even feel like you can vocalize that, and you probably haven't even thought, oh, I'm being disrespected here. You're just like, oh my god, I'm so dumb, Like why don't I understand this? So what did you do? Where did you move?
I was crippled with shame over it, and I've faked it to everybody.
You were like, yeah, we're moving, yay.
Yeah, I was driving this luxury car and you know. But the ironic thing was he would work away a lot. So when he worked away, I'd be like scrambling trying to live off forty dollars a day, and then when he'd come home, we'd be at the best restaurants and buying the most expensive wine like that. I had like two lives.
The idea that this man didn't even just give you a credit card, like.
What I had no credit card. No, no, I had a card that had his name on it that I would have to ask on a daily basis to top up. And I'd be like, get one hundred dollars or fifty dollars or whatever. So yeah, I'd be at the pedro station not knowing whether I could put money in my car because it would bounce and I'd have to call and say, can you put money on the car? Like it was horrible.
It's financial control. Like that is domestic Yeah, violence, Like at the end of the day, that is abuse. Was that his intention? Like obviously, like you know, I'm not trying to see the good in this because like you and I both know exactly what this is. This is domestic violence. But do you think at the time he thought, right, we're like on a strict budget, this is what we're doing. Or was it coercive control?
It was coercive control because I was never allowed to bring it up or have a conversation about it. So I think if there was a conversation where he went, you know what we're actually you know, we're in the shit here. I've over committed with this job and this and rah rah, and can we try and live off.
Yeah, like we're a couple, we're in this together.
Yeah, can we do XYZ this next couple of months and blah blah blah. But it was so like his lifestyle versus my lifestyle were wildly different. You know, sometimes I think, why didn't I just go and get a job. But there were times when I had a job opportunity, and you know, but he want me to work because.
Then you get your power back, and we don't want that.
If I wasn't working, then I was flexible to fit in with his kind of chaotic lifestyle. As soon as I was grounded into a place of work, then it was never going to suit that situation.
Wow.
Yeah, So but the wheels were falling off for me mentally, and my friends and family were picking up on a little bit quite a lot. Yeah, so there was some icing on the cake. We had a trade e vandalizer house because he didn't get paid. I had people ringing me for the money that was owed when we were
like having a luxury holiday. You know, I had people pull me up on the street saying that, you know, all these business things that were supposedly happening weren't actually real and they were asking me about it, and I was going, oh my god, this is that's not even true.
So I knew that, and like you're here going I probably should be backing my husband, but what the heck is going on? Like and you're probably starting to question him, but then not feeling like you can question him like that would have been an awful position to be and I'm so sorry.
Yeah it was pretty bad. And then yeah, so I decided after I saw a bunch of emails that on you know, a job he was doing that he was, you know, blatantly lying, and thought, oh, I have to go. This person won't have a conversation with me and won't is actually actively deceiving people.
Then it's giving Hamish McLaren like that guy who was a scammer who pretended to be really rich and was like borrowing from Paul to give to Bob, Like yeah, that's it moving money, Yeah, moving money around, spending some of it along the way, hoping people don't follow up, like it just it's a whole scene like can be really you know, if someone says, oh, I don't forget your own fifty dollars, you go, oh yeah, oh, I'll
just translate right now. But he could sustain those phone calls and messages and emails, for god, not until the person just can't be bothered anymore. That's what I saw happening as well. So yeah, so I thought I have to go. We had another property and it was just I had no control over any of it. So in the end, I was like, I can't believe what I've done here in getting into this situation. So I left, and my friends paid for my flight and my transport
for a few goods down to another state. So I came back to my mum's place, like winding back a hot second, Like you had a baby during this, you had a six month old, and I'm assuming like for me, I'm a mom, I'm a new mum, like I have a one year old. Down I feel like you just start taking life a lot more seriously because you're like, they're reliant on me, and I'm assuming that was the push come to shove am I correct.
That's exactly. I had a little girl. I remember holding her and thinking, oh my god, I cannot let her have this as her front row seats to a relationship.
No.
Yeah, and then someone said to me, now is your time because you have just given birth, You've had a really great birth, and you are in your power woman.
Yeah, I love that you got that.
Yeah, so now is your time.
And I was like, you are so right, let's go.
I remember my maternal health nurse even told me.
To And at that point, you're like, oh, this is pretty serious. The maternal health nurse is telling you to leave.
She actually said, I'm not allowed to say this, this is against my job description, but she said, but you need to leave.
Yeah.
What an angel though, because she wasn't meant to say that, but she knew what was in your best interests. Yeah.
Yeah, she said, nothing's going to change, you need to leave. So I got up and I left, and yeah, and I went to my mom's and it was pretty awful. I'm not going to lie.
So you had to make a plan because you said one day he was away for work, and so did you like plan in the back of your mind or with your friends? Go all right, well he's going away for work on this date and on that date, I'm going to x y Z.
He always went away for work, so I knew. Yeah, so this is really horrible. It's actually a really horrible story. So I started packing like a box at a time and just putting it in a cupboard. And yeah, I started like going through on my stuff and thinking about what I needed. And my friend paid for my flight. That's right, she booked it. And then yeah, I had another friend who lived close by who came and got me on the day and I couldn't even have a
normal conversation with him. So yeah, so I left and I went to my mom's and that's when I said I'm not coming back. He was really really angry, and I didn't realize it at the time because I didn't really think far ahead enough other than I don't have any money, I have nowhere to go. I have to go to my mom's place. Like what else do you do?
You?
I've got a baby. And I remember, like I think now that was the best decision I ever made, even though I didn't know, I didn't foresee it as being the best decision, if that makes sense, like putting that distance there.
Yeah, one hundred percent, And like, I absolutely think you did the right thing. But that is such a hard decision to make to back up your life and just leave. Like, don't get me wrong, You're right. You couldn't have spoken to him, But like, you took the power away from a narcissist, and when you do that, you don't know how they're going to react. And yes, he would have been very angry, but who knows what he would have been like in person.
Oh, the behavior afterwards was much worse. I'm going to say for years.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, So I stayed with my mom and yeah, I had this baby. She was really good, you know, I didn't have to work for a little bit. And after a six months or so, I started doing some part time work with a friend who just started this business, and she come on, she took me under a wing, and that was really is.
It sounds like you're surrounded by so many beautiful people, and in these situations, like the person who you're in a relationship often creates space between you and the people that you love, so that you don't have anybody to reach out to, so that you do feel ashamed and you don't want to share your journey. And I'm just so grateful that you still had those people around, like the fact that you had friends that were like, no money, diarist, we're going to pay for your flights, We're going to
get you back to your mums. Like some people in these situations just they don't have anybody who's able to back them anymore because they've burnt those bridges because the person they were with purposefully did that to them, like insane.
Well, yeah, so I was interstate from all my people, so it's only because I've remained in contact with them. But I will say that that's I did have family members and relationships that got burnt because of that exact thing. So yeah, that was really awful. I've over the years had to go back to those family members and rebuild
those relationships and so that was pretty awful. But yeah, so after about a year, so I still had no excess to money, right because there was no like have a maritual account or anything.
Absolutely, and you didn't keep the car. You just put your Porsche keys on the coffee table and walked out, like, yeah, was that because the car was in his name?
Yeah, everything I didn't know. I wouldn't have even known how that was paid for, So I wasn't going to take that down. That was just ridiculous, driving one hundred thousand dollar car without any money in my bank account. That was humiliating. So my best friend's husband shout out gave me ten thousand dollars to buy a car.
I just love how much support you're surrounded by.
Yeah.
Yeah, and he's like, sorry, my wife set you up with that guy, Sorry about it.
Yeah. So then I filed for court because after I was picking myself up and I got the strength to go, all right, I actually need to go to court. I need to get some kind of financial settlement here. Otherwise I'm going to leave at my mum's until one hundred. So I filed for court. And also he had promised me that we didn't need to go to court, that he was going to give me x amount when he sold our development thing. And of course that date came and went and he didn't give me the money. And
so that's when I filed for court. And I went to court and it was awful and I didn't get one dollar and I got a forty thousand dollars legal bill just to like put the icing on the cake.
Excuse me, Okay, sorry, I have to be pervy. How do you go through all of that and not get a dollar? What did this man say or do to get out of all of this?
So in the court, process. You do parenting stuff as one thing, completely isolated, and then you do your financials in one thing. And remember you got to pay to have a lawyer, right, and I didn't have the money to pay for a lawyer. So I did find a lawyer who was happy to do some kind of pro bono stuff, and then she had so much trouble getting him to.
Oh, you wouldn't have been able to get financials out of him.
Absolutely, he wouldn't provide any financials. So she ended up advising me to just put whatever resources I had into getting the parenting arrangement that I wanted because there was a note she said he'd buy by the chop off his penis and give you any money, and he will, So she said, you know, let's just go for the parenting stuff and then if we get some financials, let's try so anyway, so I remember, like one day, when we're doing the financials, we had to go to court.
He had to have a barrister. It was five thousand dollars a day for a barrister. And I got there and we were in there for thirty seconds and he didn't bring any of the documents that he was meant to bring on the court that day as far as financials. So it got sent out of court for the day and it got further date down the track and I had to pay five thousand dollars that day.
How the hell is that not a fee that he then has to pay for wasting everybody's time. This is insane to me. Like I understand the process, I really do, but like you're gonna waste their time, you have to pay, Like in surely that's the thing.
Yeah. So then at the end we're in this like big room with the court person and myself and him and both our barristers, and you know what, I never got addressed on that day to do with financials. No one ever asked me a question or no one asked me what I want. And at the end of the court register, who was supposed to be like facilitating this whole financial thing, she just said, do you know what, none of this makes any sense. We've been here all
day and I still don't understand your financial position. Why don't you just make your wife an offer and then we can all just move on and get out of the day. And so they went off in their room and they came back and they said the office is you row and my barrister who was so annoying on the day, he just was so weak. I didn't know him. He was not the person that I had the first time when I wanted the person that I had the first time, because she was a ball breaker anyway, So
that's why I signed off on it. When he left, the court register said she get darling, don't worry. You'll build yourself back up and you've won. You've got your kid.
You got out of there, okay, icon, Like you deserved so much more than that, And like, you know what, that man probably didn't even have any money because the money that he's like shuffling through is other people's. But like the fact that that money would have gone to raising your daughter as well, be so for real, Like, I get so frustrated about these situations because you've been taken advantage of, and even once you leave, you're still being taken advantage of.
I know, and that time, like where you're committed to helping them and their business ventures, you're not earning super you know, your career is not going anywhere. They're building. So even if he didn't have like massive cash flow at that time, he saw businesses on the go. He still had, you know, all the things happening in place, and he was able to sell the property before core
and do whatever he wanted with the money. I didn't get that privilege of going, oh cool, I'll get half of that so I can put that into it.
And he shouldn't have even been doing that, Like, yeah, oh my goodness, I am so sorry. So to talk to me about today. Let's fast forward. You have a beautiful doors, you are on track to getting financially in front, and like you're here to tell the story, which is honestly so good. What does life look like today?
So the good news is I managed to buy myself another place.
You managed to buy yourself a house after all of that and icon.
Yeah, so thanks to the government, they brought out this single parent scheme for women or men wanting to get back into the housing market. And so through that scheme, I fit the criteria perfectly. And I have a friend who is a mortage broker and he's like, you've got to get this. You have to go for this. You're perfect for this scheme, and so I did and I got a place. So that was good because I honestly thought I'm never going to be homeowner again ever, so that's still a scheme that's available.
It is. We get people into that often, like it is actually so cool. It's yeah, I'm probably going to do a whole episode on that at some point. But like this idea that you can get in for a two percent deposit, no, LM, I like, it's actually so sexy.
It's so helpful. So that's good. And I've yeah, I've just become quite obsessed with money stuff now and my like looking into the family history of my money journey and what I need to, like, you know, improve and face and all that kind of stuff. So I've started investing as well, think in the last couple of years. So I've got money that goes into ETFs or EFTs
always get that around the wrong way. Yeah, yeah, ETFs, And then in the rays I've got raise and then I've also got I heard another lady who talks about money use this term. Maybe it was you, I'm not sure, but she's calls it spicy investments. No, I like that. Yeah, a couple of spicies that are just companies that I share the value with, and they were, you know, doing crowdfunding for equity and stuff like that. So I went in with a couple of those, which was exciting.
No, I love that. So let's jump forward. Obviously I usually ask a million structured question, So now we're going to like backtrack and I'm going to answer those because We've got a beautiful segment of your story. But I wondered, what are you doing today? What do you do for work? How much money do you earn? Now?
Okay, so I'm in the health industry or health space and I'm on around one hundred.
Oh my goodness, I love this.
I was going to say, but that also includes some single parenting family tax stuff from the government and you know that kind of thing.
So good.
Yeah, so that's worked out quite well.
So you've bought a house, which is so iconic after going through this, you have a daughter. Talk to me, what are your big money goals? Now? You said that you are getting back in front financially. What are we working towards?
So I want to get my second property this year, and just being a single parent, it is obviously hard to get the loan over the line, you know, with the banks and stuff like that, and I really felt the pinch of that the last couple of years being on your own and not having that jewel income to
kind of go off and do projects and stuff. So I've got a really good friend who is in a similar situation, and we've decided to do something together, and so I'm looking forward to that, and I feel like I would love, you know, if more single moms got together and did stuff together, it would definitely help their financial security.
Then that's so cool. I love that. I haven't heard of that. I've heard of friends just doing it together. I've heard of, you know, siblings buying together, but like going, Na, we're single moms. We're going to do this together, Adore, I'm obsessed with you.
How good? Yeah, So we're on the fair start of the conversation and we've got a bit of an arrangement in place. We just are now getting I guess those pieces of puzzle together so we can actually go into the day and go, okay, this is what we're doing.
Yeah, how good?
I love this.
All right, let's go to a really quick break because on the flip side, I have a few more questions for you. All right, money, darised, we are back you mentioned before. I'm investing. I've got some ETFs, I've got some rays. How did you start that journey? Is that part of your financial literacy journey? Was that something where you're like, I just need to be growing wealth? Like, how did you get into it?
Yeah? I guess from I think you know, first comes to fear of going, oh my god, what am I going to do? You know, how am I going to get myself out of this? To how do I recuperate what I've lost in all the things? And how am I going to have financial security in the future. So I knew I wasn't investing, I didn't know how, I didn't know what you did with I was just so
overwhelming for me. So I just started learning about it and yeah, following podcasts like yours and Instagram page like yours and a few others that were kind of giving tips, and that built my confidence to I did a couple of free webinars on investing, and that exposed me to those things like raise and shares these I think it is. Yeah, so that was how I built my confidence up to
start doing that. And yes, so kind of just learning, just learning, And I think the other thing that I've done is my bad money habit, which I don't know if you were going to ask me about that, but I will after.
But you can boil it now.
Oh So my bad money habit which I wanted to get over was that I can be avoidant about it. So if I'm feeling overwhelmed, then I just go into complete avoidance. So I won't look at superannuation details, or I won't look at if it's performing, or I won't check my bank account that week because I'm worried I've spent too much money on the weekend. So that's my
bad money habit. But on the flip side of that, I've kind of created my own little workbook that I do to overcome that, and that was all about financial literacy and daily habits so that I can come out of that avoidance. So I'm forcing myself to check things every day and forcing myself to learn one thing knew every day about money that I didn't know yesterday. That kind of thing.
Yeah, no, I adore that. So talk to me about debt. You've obviously got a little bit of it, but it's good debt because you have a mortgage and you're actually planning on going into more. How much debt are you in what does that look like and how does that make you feel?
I think the debt for the mortgages got bigger purpose, so I'm not that doesn't concern me at all. I don't really have any other debt which is good, other than my hex which is one of.
Those you know ones that just linger. Mmm.
So that's around thirty five, and I've got about two thousand in credit card. But I don't have any other debt and that's a good thing.
Yeah, No, I love that for you. So back to best and worst money habits. You've obviously gone literally through it all. We've gone from literally having your house burned down when you were in grade four to super yacht family rich, back to being a single mum and having to borrow money from people and get people to buy your flight like you've been through the ringer. Do you have any good money habits that you've established along the way,
like I feel like you would have to. You mentioned a couple of things before, but I want to know what else have we got.
I think you know what I've thought about this question, and I think the main one, because it feelter to everything, is that now I'm talking about money a lot, and I've got my key friends that I talked to about money a lot. And it's not in a comparison way or a snoopy way or anything like that. It's more I want to know what other people are doing, what salary they're on. I want to know what the benchmarks are here. I want to know what everyone else is.
Doing, so doing? How are you doing it? Like? Can I grow from this?
So having the conversations and with my friends and family now, which I never if you know, what if I had have had those back all those years ago, you know, I might not have got into that situation because I would have been able to speak about it.
You know.
But when you grow up being told, you know, don't bring up money, that's very rude. You don't ask people what they own, that's very rude. And you know, obviously pick you don't just ask any random person what they earn.
I do I actually do. Yeah, I've done it for years now. No one's corrected me, like, no one's actually stopped me. So far, so good.
I found out that a colleague was on almost triple the amount, excuse me, Yeah, and it was only because in her induction they actually made an there are and so But then they had to, like, you know, live by it and pay her that. But that was so integral to understanding what.
Was an option?
Yeah, what was out there? And so I think, you know, we always think we can't talk about it, but how.
How are we going to learn from each other? How do we lift each other up if we can't talk about where we're beginning from, Like, it makes no sense to me, Like my success doesn't dim your ability to be successful, Like my success actually helps you and gives you a pathway to what you could do. Like I want you to have that. I want you to have every ounce of that, because if you aren't going to back yourself, who is, Like you need to have every
tool to put yourself in the best possible position. And I'm going to give you the tools. Like I've been in oodles of debt. I also now am in a way better financial position. But both of those things people can learn from. Why wouldn't I share that?
Yeah, exactly exactly. And you know where there's secrets so to speak, that's where there's there can be predators or where they'res can be you know, things that aren't quite right, whereas you shit put the light on things, and yeah, it's more expensive.
I guess, my goodness, So talk to me now. Worst money habit is it just burying your head in the sand, like you were saying before, You just hide from things that aren't maybe lighting you up or making you feel a little bit overwhelmed.
Yes, I guess the avoidance stuff. So if I went away for the weekend and maybe I think I spent too much money, then I won't check my bank account for that week, or you know, just I get it though, stupid stuff like that. I'm very aware of it. So I've tried to face that through you know, doing daily practice of checking accounts and checking superannuation. Where's that sitting?
Where's my race sitting? All that? But the other bad habit I think is probably, I guess with everything that's happened, is to blame myself or feel bad about it, or if you know, to continue like punish myself over it when actually that's not helping me. I have to keep looking forward. So yeah, any negative self talk is probably a bad habit and something that I'm continuously having to shake.
Yeah, and I'm glad that you're aware of it, because if you're aware of it, you can work on it. Like that's a good position to be in. At the start of this episode, you said, i'ms and you've gone on to tell me one of the most powerful money stories, a story not about like dis growth. But you've been through it. You've come up, you've come down, you've come back, you've taken your power back, you've bought a house, you're looking at a second house. You don't have your head
in this end. This has not destroyed you. In fact, it's probably made you stronger. You are so intelligent, so articulate, like I am at this point being like I hope our paths cross in person because I want to meet you, But I just I can't see your money story being graded as a sea Like I just can't see it.
Like and I'm not going to argue with you after everything that you've been through, but after hearing all of this, after talking to me about this journey you've been on and what you've done and what you've fought for, because not everyone is in a position where they can do that, but you have, and you've stepped up even that would
have been really friggin hard. Do you really think that that's the money story of a c person or like what would it take for you to go you know, when can we sit down and say, I'm an a, what would that take?
It's true, I think I've still got some confidence to work on, and I think if I, yeah, have a few more wins in the next twelve months around confidence and money and stuff like that, I think that will take me up a notch or two.
I love that. I'm not gonna agree to your cea, but I'll let you hide your bloth money, Diris. This has been an absolute privilege learning about your money story, like so pervy, but also so constructive, like just the idea that this could literally happen to anybody, and like you do get swept off your feet and like we all love love. I love love, Like I just you know, I would have been that friend at the side being like, oh my god, I'm so glad you found your literal.
It's charming, Like I'm just so sorry that you went through it, but I'm just so grateful that you and I get to share this story with our community so that hopefully people can learn from it and grow from it and that it doesn't happen again to other people. So thank you for that. I just know the community is going to have loved listening to you as much as I've loved interviewing you.
Thank you so much. Victoria, of course.
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