Hello.
My name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yor the Order Kerney Whalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through.
As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
Let's get into it. She's on the Money. She's on the Money. Hello and welcomed.
She's on the Money podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Beck Syed and with me today as always is Victoria Divide Victoria.
Look you damn its kidding? Well, thank you for having me. I'm very grateful. Of course, as personal as your money story in Savings Journey is the people we surround ourselves with, Beck actually have a really big impact on how we feel about money and how we spend and save. So I decided, I don't know if you're in for this, but you're going to want to be sit down today we're going to be talking all about how to respect your friends' savings and financial goals.
I'm really excited about this one, to be honest with you, because I feel like it's going to be useful for a lot of people, including myself.
I agree, including my friends. Do you know what, I watch a lot of tiktoks. We've talked about this on the show six million times before, but I've just seen so many tiktoks recently where you know, you know, how you can stitch a video so someone's video starts and
then somebody else jumps in with their opinion. And I've just sin so many of those recently because I'm obviously on the money side of TikTok of people essentially, And I don't think if you called them ount and said you're shaming somebody else's financial goals, they'd agree with you. But your personal opinion should not come into play when we're talking about Beck's financial goals. Yes, like Beck, you could ask me how I think and how I feel and what that means, and we can have an open,
honest conversation. But if you say, hey, V, I'm saving for X and I'm really excited about it. I have no right to turn around and be like, ah, that's not worth it. So we're going to talk about it today because I just think that people don't necessarily need to be put back in their boxes totally. It's not like you're doing the wrong thing. But I think sometimes we can accidentally, like you know, not respect our friends
savings or financial goals by accident. And this is just a really good reminder and conversation that I think can make people feel a lot more empowered when it comes to money conversation. Totally.
And we do get asked this all the time in our money dilemmas and get dms about this. It manifests usually bill splitting, gift expectations. It's all these little things in life that calls conflict and awkwardness. To be honest with your nearest and dearest, your friends, your family, it's exactly very awkward. We are not going to delve into this right now, but after the break we are going to go into the top signes you may be in a financially toxic friendship.
Red smags, red friend bags.
But before that, I want to ask you about your experience in your own life.
I had it a lot when I was Yeah, do you know what, I still have it now, and it's not a bad thing. I would say that I'm surrounded by beautiful friends and family who all respect my financial
goals and what's going on. But I feel like I do just have these like really ingrained memories of me saying no to things and having to like work myself up to tell a friend like, oh, no, sorry, I can't come to that weekend festival because I can't afford it or whatever it is, and then then being like, oh, why not, It's only three hundred dollars a ticket or whatever, and it just made me feel so icky and awkward, and like, I totally get that, my friend, they weren't
trying to shame me or be rude or be mean. They were just trying to like involve me because they wanted me there, and that's so nice and so kind and all of that, and you try to see both sides of the story totally. But I think that that underlying I guess anxiety that I got was because I was scared of being shamed and scared of people telling me that my financial goal wasn't as important as this thing.
That they were going to do. And even now, as you know a financially secure adult, some of the you know, financial decisions I make get looked upon by some people that we know and they go, why would you do that? Like, you know, we bought a house, that's fantastic, But then financial decisions after that, people are like, oh really, but
don't you have a mortgage? And you're like wow, like you don't know the breadth of our financial situation or how much we've saved for that holiday or done whatever. So I don't think it's exclusive to not having enough money. I think that in general, people love to have opinions on your life and what's going on, and that doesn't necessarily make them right. But I think that in a way we do need to sometimes put blinkers on and
just go, well, what is important to me? Like what are the things that are going to make me flourish and thrive and feel like my best self? And we need to put ourselves first.
Yes, I completely agree, and I had very similar experiences with this kind of thing as well, Like I think for me, I just get a little fomo. I also find oh, I used to get heaps just so much fomo And I don't know if this is like at all relevant, but back in the day when my friends would want to go out and do things, I didn't have enough money to even go and do the things that they wanted to do. But also just going out
every day with like a new outfit. I couldn't afford new clothes, I couldn't afford different things to wear, sort of go out in the same clothes, and I'd feel insecure about that. I'd feel insecure about not being able to go out and spend big money like all these little things. And I'm like, you know, sometimes it's easiest just don't tell.
Your friends don't care about unique clothes. And I think the most important thing to remember is that true friends
they want to see you succeed. They want to see you be your best self, even if it means adjusting their ways in which they spend time with you, totally right, Like, I just think that a true friend is somebody who is able to go, oh, I see it from your perspective, how can I help you with that goal or how can I help you along the way, not someone who's like, oh, got believe that wouldn't come Like I don't want to be your friend totally. That's not the type of friend
behavior I accept. Neither should you.
Beck, Thank you so much. One totally relatable experience, and I think we can all really this is when a friend suggests a restaurant or an outing that's out of your budget.
But exactly as I was saying, you have fomo, I still want to go.
We'll end up going and we'll spend more than when comfortable with and really bad.
But here are a few stats. If you would, you are stat skilled today.
I love it.
What have you got?
Okay, so a find A survey of Australians from last year found that one in five people that's twenty two percent have gone into debt or spend more than they can afford because of the pressure to spend. That is equivalent to four point three million people.
So you're saying, in I guess a roundabout way, yes, so we're not alone. Everybody does it. Four point three million Other people also get for homo and also spend more than they should. Exactly, so it's not uncommon.
Exactly. The stone also more than a quarter of Aussies, it's twenty eight percent.
That's more than a quarter.
Here's more than a quarter have felt forced into splitting a restaurant bill evenly, even if they have ordered less food than others.
No.
Absolutely not awkward when this happens. Absolutely not No, it's how do you deal with it? When you go to a restaurant. How does that happen? Like, let's say we haven't been out for dinner together before, or you should go out for dinner. We should, I'll pay so we don't have to split the bill. But if we were going to split the bill, how do we do that?
It does get a bit awkward because I don't really drink, especially when.
That's going to be a really terrible dinner. I'm saying that I can't use that lubricant of social interaction one out of ten.
I mean, you can, everyone around me can. But this is where it gets a bit awkward for me. It depends who I'm going out with. Usually I'm going over my nearest and dearest, so there's no pressure to do that at all. I'm just like, hey, I actually didn't buy twenty bottles of wine.
I had an Entrey and you guys are boost exactly.
So it ends up being super easy, and we tend to just get one person to pay get the receipt.
Pay what we bought. Yeah, that's stunning.
But if it does come to that, god, it's awkward. Sometimes I just pay it because I'm like, I don't want to have a conversation about it. I just pay evenly even if it's not.
So do you reckon? The advice would be like, jump on it first and be like, oh, hey, we should grab the bill and work out what everyone knows. Yes, is that a better way to do it? That's a red way. Yeah. I feel like getting on it early and being like the instigator of it, and you know, caring about everybody else, being like, oh, beck, I'm just gonna grab the bill so we can split it based on whateveryone's spent. Yeah, alright, worries, I'm just gonna grab it.
Do you have a pen? I think it's so less awkward than someone being like yep, so we'll just split it even then go no, probably not as.
Soon as you get to the restaurant, like take garld, I'm going to be this guy tonight, I'm not ordering blah blah blah blahlah, and then have that conceation as early as you can.
Yeah, I feel like on a money podcast, we arguably should be more aggressive and be like, oh, it's so awkward, Like, no, just bring it up. It's fine. But also like, we are women who exist in the real world, and like, I don't care how financially literate, I amost still get awkward having confronting conversations in social settings. So sometimes it's nice to have a little tool in your toolkit to
use instead of having to have that confronting conversation. We're only human exactly, Like, I'm still going to apologize for things, even the way. No, I'm not sorry, you.
Know, yes, good thing. You mentioned that actually because we are women. But I have it stat about men. Men have overspent substantially more than women to keep up with friends and families. Did you want the figure?
I obviously want the figure, but I'm pretty sure that's because they earn more than us.
This is what I was thinking as well, they've.
Got more disposable income.
Yeah, and also you know what they say, like guys take risks.
And all that kind of stuff, But how much more do men spend than women?
So an average figure, yeah, fifteen hundred and sixty dollars, Yeah, is nine hundred and twelve.
That's significant. Yeah, it's like six hundred bucks more than women. It's almost double. Makes sense when they earn much more than we do, sure how much it may not makes sense to earn more for the same job. Yeah, that's true, so kind of like evens itself. And then lastly, yeah, millennials are the most vulnerable to financial peer pressure, with sixty nine percent having spent money because of social influence and relating to six percent admitting they've gone beyond their
financial limits to do so. Nola, See this is where I want to pick people up and be like, we don't have to do it this way.
Yes, exactly, But this brings me to the question, how would you manage a conversation with a friend if you were skin and they wanted to spend time with skint skint skint bondes.
Yeah. I feel like, as we said before, open and honest is the key to success in every successful relationship, right, And that's where I don't know. There's obviously so many good like know your value, know your worth, all of these things where we say, you know, just set clear financial goals and be clear about articulating them to your friends.
But again, then I think we need to balance it with the real world, and that doesn't mean you need to overspend, but having a few like tips and tricks in your pockets, so you know, before you go out for the dinner, maybe you go, oh my gosh, guys, I'm going to be coming from a friend's barbecue and I will have already eaten. I'm probably just going to get a non trade. Just to clue you up on that.
I just feel really awful when I say things like this, because I think in this day and age, people expect more from me. They're like, no, no, no, you should be more aggressive about it. I'm like, yes, but that doesn't convert to people actually using these tips and tricks. Like Beck, you're not going to walk in and be like, oh well, Victoria told me to be more confident when talking about my money goals, so therefore I am like, that doesn't happen.
So you know me going, oh well, Beck, actually, when it comes closer to the end of the night, why don't you be the one that suggests that we get the bill and work out what each person owes, Because then instead of someone saying, oh, well, actually, let's just split the bill, you're on the front foot and you can be like, oh no, actually, just think this is more fair for everybody involved, and it's not really a
conversation as you're just putting down on the table. This is kind of how it's going to happen, because like if you have to have the awkward conversation like let's say Sally down the road or Sally on the other side of the tables, like, oh no, Beck will just split it evenly, it's so much easier. You go, well, actually, Sally, that's not fair because like you know, one of us doesn't drink and this and that the other get lost,
Sally get lost. But like you're the one leading that conversation in a way instead of having to like put your hand up to Sally who said, let's just split it evenly, and you go, oh, it's a bit awkward. It's not fair. It's this like I just think that leading can often be something that gives you automatic confidence. Sure, right, And then it's also about setting expectations up front. As we've said before, there's no such thing as a friend
that doesn't want to see you succeed. And if somebody doesn't want to see you succeed, they're a really terrible friend. Then we should be eating them out anyway, Get out, Sally. Bye, Sally, Sally. Oh my gosh, we've be so mean. What if there's somebody in our community listening right now and their name is Sally and they're like that the most wholesome, kind human being, and Sally's like they I would never do that Toime. Sorry, Sally, we're very Sally.
I'm putting dirt on your name.
Yeah, but we used your name because we liked it. We do you like it. It's a nice name. We do like it. But I think it's just about you know, actually having a chat with your friend. I think I've said this before on the podcast, Like reframe it. I'd be like, oh my gosh, you're in a cost of living crisis. All of my friends are struggling at the moment. How about we just grab a coffee instead of brunch and go for a walk and like kind of reframe it.
You don't have to open up about like, oh, I don't actually have any money in my account right now, or oh I'm really trying to say for this if you're not comfortable with that, but like reframe it and be like, oh my gosh, you're probably feeling the pressure as much as I am. How about we xyz or why don't you come to my place and we'll make homemade pizzas. I actually have so much stuff in the
fridge at the moment. Like, reframe it in a way that makes you comfortable while still outlining the boundaries that you have, and then if your friends still goes but I really wanted to try this fancy restaurant, you can say. And I think that saying oh, beck, I can't afford that is very different to oh, I haven't allocated money in my budget for that this month because I'm working towards something else, Like to your mind, if we do something else because I really want to achieve that goal,
doesn't matter if you have clarity on that goal or not. Yeah, Like you're setting a boundary and articulating it clearly. I don't care if you don't know what you're saving for.
It could just be my goal.
Is I couldn't even care if you just want to more cash in your account.
Yeah, my goal is to be able to eat at the end of the base like.
Yeah, exactly, Like when there's two months month left for the money that you have. Yes, I think being able to say, oh, beck, Actually, I've just got a lot of things that I'm you know, working towards at the moment that's not in my budget. Reframing your whole way of articulating money is really powerful, because if you're saying, Beck, I can't afford it, that's you being like, oh, I can't afford something. No, no, no, Do you know what we can all afford it at the cost of something
else better. Yes, at the cost of eating at the end of the month, at the cost of going on that holiday that you've been planning, at the cost of buying your friend a birthday present. There's a cost involved. What it is is going to depend on the circumstance you're in. But I think it's very powerful to turn around and say, well, actually, we don't use the term
I can't afford it. Use the term like, I haven't budgeted for that this month, sure, or you know it's not in the budget, or you know I'm actually working towards something else, And any good friend will respect that and actually suggest something else that makes a lot more sense. True.
Now, this actually does bring me to the next one. I was going to say, let's imagine the shoes on the other foot, and you want to hang out with someone who can't afford to maybe do whatever you want to do.
Like, there are so many free activities. What would you Yeah, how would you do? You go for a walk? Then go for walk? We can go for a walk around the Tan. Actually, I have these really cool takeaway cups, and I'm really good at making an espresso martini. Don't sneak one of those into the cup. Perfect, I'll bring it to the Tan and everyone will think we're drinking real coffee.
Yet.
How good is that for a Friday afternoon?
Does sound fun?
Actually, Beck, it's Saturday morning. I have so much bread in the freezer. How about we have a little picnic. I am going to make a little toast buffet. I'm going to bring the whole heap of different gems and spreads. I have an awesome flask. Yeah, I'm gonna put tea in there. What's your favorite tea? Oh? You want jasmine tea? Oh my gosh, We're gonna have jasmine tea and toast in the park. And I think that's gonna be cute. Do you want to bring the blanket? That's cutey? I like,
do you want to go? Do you have a speaker, Can you be in charge of the music.
It's so cheap free in free speaker is free ones you've made for it, but could.
You please make sure it's charged though. Don't want to get to the park and then have to pay it off. Don't ruin it for everyone, Bet, put.
Your phone in a glass or a cup.
Yeah, we've all been there, we've all been there. We've all been there. But like, there are so many things that you can do, and to be honest, I could reframe that and be like Beck and I couldn't afford to go out for breakfast, so we ate cold toast in the park. Yeah sounds terrible, but like, why can't we embrace things and make them a little bit more fun? Sure, you don't necessarily have to, you know, have my frozen toast that I already had and have a fun time
with it. Beck, we could swing past coals and get some fresh croissants, like you know how you can buy them in like a three or four pack, real cheap. And why don't we get whatever you know, fruit is on sale and like a little thing of jam that
could be really cute too. So like, it doesn't necessarily mean that you spend money, Like I feel like I'm doing this all the time with my friends as well, Like I obviously get Marley Spoon, and I love Marley Spoon, and I don't know how impressed they're going to be with me sharing this tip. But often when I get a Marley Spoon, I can look at the ingredients and say, ah, what would it take to scale this meal. Let's say it's like a curry with rice. All right, Well, I
already have some extra rice in the pantry. I could make more rice, all right, Well this curry I could add like an extra zucchini and extra carrot. We're good to go. Beck, do you want to cove dinner? I'm having curry.
You're gonna be you?
Yeah.
I do it to Gabby all but it's one of those that like, why can't we just make the catch up a little bit more wholesome? House, Why don't we play a board game? I'm so lame, though, so I'm really happy with these things. Katan. We can play Katan together, and my husband's at home, and you need a minimum of three players to have a good game of Katan. You can't just have the two of us, and we do need him to come in and he's gonna play.
He's going to play, whether relax it or not.
He's good at it though, Oh no, it's really bad. But it's one of those things where what can we do that doesn't cost any money? And I mean it's coming into springing summer now, feel like it's so much easier to use outdoor spaces without freezing outlets off. Yeah, I love like that's helpful.
That is a great place to quickly absorb and go on a little break.
I'll make you some toast.
Thank you please. Okay, V we are back and we're talking about respecting your savings goals. And now I want to know what are some signs you're in a financially toxic friendship?
Oh?
Can we call them like red flags to make it more clear? Yeh, here are some red flags for your toxic relationships. Yeah, toxic. Really toxic is like a keyword of twenty two, the word of the year. All right, So here are five things I've written down that are red flags to identify potentially toxic friends. First, their idea of having fun always invariably involves spending a lot of money. So when was the last time you hung out with a friend and didn't spend any money. What did that
look like? How did that work? Or do you have a budget? And they just keep pushing beyond that and then either embarrass you for not keeping up or not socialized with you because you're not willing to spend it, And like, no point catching up with Beck if she doesn't want to go to that restaurant that I suggested. Beck never wants to catch up. She always says no.
This is so anxiety and juicy, toxic, toxic.
All right, do you want to know the next red flag?
Yes?
Please? All right? So you're always paying for things or loaning the money? No, toxic, toxic. If a friend is consistently asking you for money, is that friendship really worth the cost you're paying for a friend? Bet?
Yeah, I see what you mean. I see what you mean.
Like, yes, it is obviously very important to help friends, and we are not talking about friends who need the help, like that's a very different thing totally. But it's very important to also take care of your own financial help. And although it might feel embarrassing to bring up, you're not being selfish, Beck, Like, at the end of the day, that is not selfish at all. That friend is obviously using you and taking advantage of you. And oh, it's
funny because I have lost friends over there. Sure it's one of those things. I'm going to use you as an example, okay, because like you're one of my favorite humans and I'm so lucky to get to work for you. But oh my gosh, I could give you a stick and be like, Beck, I got you this stick, and you're like, oh my gosh, this is the best stick in the entire world. I would like this morning before recording, or did I gift you? Oh, you're gifted with Donald's cookies.
I gave you McDonald's cookies. You are over the moon for that, Like you are so excited. Right, I have lost friends recently because I just got over it. I got over being the one where if I go, hey, Beck, do you want to go out for brunch? And then the bill comes and they kind of just look at me because like they know I'm a higher income earner than them, and like it's okay because often I'm quite aware of that. I don't know how to tell you this, but like I do a lot of research into money.
I talk about money all the time, and I know the privileged position I'm in. So if I'm at brunch and I'm in the financial position where I can go, oh, Beck, this is on me. I know that if I did that with you, Beck, you'd be like, oh my god, V are you sure like you? Okay, that's so nice. Like we'll have a whole conversation. You'll say thankful, you will genuinely be grateful for that interaction, and I go, I'm grateful that I could do that. I know that
I've taken the financial pressure off you. Makes me feel good, right, And like, not everyone has to do that. Not everybody
thrives on that. Right. My love language is gift giving, so like that really leans into who I am, and that's fine, but when somebody just fully expects it, it's kind of like, well, or they pick really expensive places and then don't offer to split the bill, and you're like, this ain't is And if you're listening to this and you know that you're that friend, well ah, sorry, because that's why we don't catch up anymore because it was
always me and I just didn't like it. And I think the irrespective of who you are or where you are or what your financial circumstances are, no one likes
to feel used. No one likes to feel like they're being taken advantage of, right, And that generosity for me, I don't think ends so like I hope I'm always that person, even beck when I was UNI, I would always want to take the pressure off my friends, even if I didn't have a lot, right, Like, I've always been that person who's like, no, no, no, I've got the coffee, Like I want to do that, and that's okay. I mean it was always the best financial decision for me,
but that's another story. But I think and once it becomes expected, you're kind of like, yeah, ill, no, absolutely not. And I think that's a red flag to someone who doesn't genuinely care about you or your circumstances, regardless of how much money you have totally, so you're either always paying for things or you're always loaning the money. Yeah, red flag, red flag.
I did just want to quickly say, I do do this with my best friendly if I literally always borrow money from her and she always pays for everything.
But it's different, And that's.
What I wanted to say, because justs caase she's listening, I love you, But it's one of those things where that might be part of the relationship that you have and like she might go, oh beg, she always pays me.
It's all goods exactly.
It comes out in the water.
It's one of those things that works for you in your relationship, and that doesn't necessarily make it a toxic relationship. I think it's where you start to feel used totally and you start to feel like that's maybe a very one way relationship and that's not okay, all right, sorry, another thing stabbing myself? Are you ready? I'm so excited? Red Flag. They're excessively generous. Interesting, Okay, here we go, especially after that ran all right, So excessive generosity could
potentially have hidden undertones to it. Oh why are they doing that? What do they want?
Makes sense?
Do I want something from you? Beck? So generosity could be and can be divided into subcategories. Beck, So you've got unrelenting, begrudging, fluctuating, controlling, and beguiling generosity. So the last two are particularly intriguing because they are rooted in selfishness. Beguiling, beguiling. Okay, introducing big words into cheese on the money and we've rebranded We're smarter now.
Bigger, words, that's how it works.
That's how it works. So your friend could be secretly wishing that you're paying them back sure, like either in money or favors or like io. You's like you know that person where they're like, oh, but I bought you a coffee, so you owe me. Ill if you're going to buy something for somebody, there should be absolutely no
expectation that that is returned. So, like you gave the example of your friend live before, right, you said at the end, it all comes out in the wash totally, and I'm assuming that means like sometimes you're like I need to borrow some cash and she's like yeah, no worries. And then other times you're like, oh, I'll pick up dinner, I'll grab your coffee. Like it all comes out in the wash. This is a relationship where it might not all come out in the wash, or what they want
to come out in the wash. It's got some ulterior motives and that's a bit ick. So you can't help but feel that you owe that person who is always trying to foot the bill. It might make it harder to disagree with them, or you might end up just feeling more like a sidekick than a friend which is ick, that is sick, and I think it's worth calling out,
especially after I'm like, oh, I love being generous. I think it's important to really understand if you're a generous person, why, And like, I've had to do a lot of inner work, even on myself, to go, well why am I like this? Because for a long period of time, I'm like, am I trying to buy their love? Am I trying to overcompensate for feeling like I don't have enough to offer? No, it's actually just like I get a lot of joy
out of that. But I think you do need to look at yourself and go, well, why would that be the case and what does that mean? And I think we've all had at some point a friend that wants that one up. Yes, I don't want a one up friend. No, friends don't one up friends, even with like stories, regardless of money. Like if you say, oh my gosh, I had the worst weekend and then your friend turns around's like, oh my gosh, I had a worse weekend. Yeah, terrible friend,
terrible terrible friends. But we don't want that one out of ten, So that to me red flag? Yes, Okay, I agree, were you confused about it at the start. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I.
Thought this is this gonna be Righttice makes sense.
Red Flag number four. They judge your spending habits. Ck, I do not agree with that. So they will judge how much you spend on things that make you happy. Actually doesn't concern anybody but you, unless we're talking about gambling or any other addiction, in which case you're impacting a lot of people and you need to get help.
Flat that's a different story. But like, if somebody wants to judge me for my two lattes that I get every day, sit down, if someone wants to judge you for your five oat lattes, they're well within their rights, because that's a SESSI effec sure that's actually where we draw the lot. Yeah, that's not draw the line right. But do you have a I'd never spend that much money kind of friend who silently or maybe loudly judges
your spending habits. They'll often do in arguably a lack passive, aggressive way, with the goal of making you feel like trash. Like they want to make you feel guilty. They want to make you feel like you're less than them because they're never do that. We don't like that. At the base of this judgmental behavior actually lies a really irrational urge to contrast one's own spending habits with somebody else's without seeing the whole picture, in order for them to
feel better about themselves. It has nothing to do with you, Beck, that's good to know. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their own insecurities. Ah, they're the problem. They're the problem. They don't know that though I see and your that's unsatisfying to cut the friendship, then try and explain that, sure, because they'll probably try and cut the friendship if you did try to explain that.
But essentially, we all have things that we prioritize our spending on, and it's actually nobody else's business what we prioritize, and if you choose to share that business with them, they should respect it and feel really privileged that you felt like they were a safe enough person to talk about money with a men exactly. All right, last red flag? Are you ready? They make fun of your income?
Oh?
No, that's not okay.
People do it though? Really? Yeah, have you had someone laugh about the money that you make? Doesn't matter? If it's too little or too much. But laughing at someone's livelihood is honestly just blame disrespectful and really flipping rude. I don't think i've experienced it to be home. I'm so glad because I have, whether I earned a lot
or a little, it has happened numerous times. But if a joke comes up regularly between you, sure your friends might actually be using humor to escape the responsibility for being malicious. They're just being rude, okay, they fruit flies, right, yeah, and that is not acceptable. And I find it interesting because it might not be them being like ha ha ha beck you earn x y Z Like it's often not as blatant as that. Yeah, like, oh bet can't come.
She kin'd of thought that, right, all that kind of soul. That's do you know what I mean? Yeah, that makes sense. I think it's interesting. We can actually do everything, we just can't do everything at once. And how many times have we seen people who have lower incomes do these really cool things because it's in line with their values, whereas someone with a hired income Michael, who, oh my gosh, that is not worth my time. Like I know a lot of people who have really high incomes who are
like Europe, absolute waste of money. I'm absolutely not going to be traveling to Europe Italy. What a waste of time. I can drink aperol home Beck, And then you know, when I was at university couldn't afford to travel. When was I traveling, then it was in line with my golds and values. Those people might not have had those same values. It's literally just the fact that your values are different from theirs. And to me, this is a massive red flag that they don't respect your wishes and
your values and what you respect. Because I don't care what you earn well. I do because I pay you and I want to make sure that that's fair. But I also don't care what you spend personally. What I care about is that you have every single tool and resource at your disposal to make the right decision for you. I care a lot when you make a financial decision because you didn't know any better. I see it as my responsibility to be like, oh, Beck, like that decision.
I don't care that you've made it. It's not a good or a bad decision. It doesn't actually matter. But did you know ABC and D exists and you could be like far out. No, I didn't. I didn't know I could do that, Or I didn't know that an emergency fund could make me feel so much more, you know, financially secure, even if it's only a little amount of money. That's why she is. All the money exists right because
it's got nothing to do with judgment. I don't give a flip what you spend your money on, and you do what. I don't even care how you earn it, as long as it's legal and consenting, like that's all important. But I think if you choose to do anything and you're making that money, go get that bank, sis, go get that bank, Go get that bag. I care how you make it. I don't care what you make. All I care is that you are a happy, full stop end of story. And this is why I really appreciate you.
Oh thanks, Now it's because I brought you Macus, It's because.
You brought me Maxis Coues.
That's the main thing.
So I guess, lastly, what should people do if they're listening to this and it does resonate.
No, sorry that your friends are rich. Sorry, sorry, we can be your new friends. We can.
Actually, I think the first step you should take is to reach out to us and we will be your friends.
Yeah, exactly ten out of ten. I think setting boundaries is really important. So it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to cancel the friendship. I am quite dramatic, so when I said that, oh, just immediately canceled. But I think just setting some boundaries, maybe taking a step back from that friendship, or even just being more critical when you're in those circumstances to be like, oh, what does this actually mean? Know that it's not you, Like it's
always a reflection of their insecurity. Is it's actually a reflection of how they feel about you. Because any person that sees some other human being doing something that they don't agree with, they have no idea what the flip side looks like. So it's not actually their place to judge, and it's absolutely them reflecting their own insecurities onto you. Totally, so know that it's not you. But yeah, I think just taking a step back from that friendship for a
hot minute. But also if it's something that you think that they're not privy to, ask them to respect your boundaries, ask them to respect you, call them out for their crappy jokes. If someone's making fun of you, be like, I hope you don't actually think that's funny. Yeah, because it's not. It's rude and it's mean and it's hurtful. And the amount of times you've said it it makes me think that it's not a joke, you're just being malicious. Yeah.
My favorite question ever, this actually works really well on medio committle aged white men when they say something and you go, oh, pretend you don't understand it. Even if you do, what do you mean by that? Yes, Like at conferences when people would arguably have had too many drinks and they say something that's rather inappropriate, you'd be like, play dumb, Oh beck, what did you mean by that?
Because then they have to explain their terrible comment because you didn't get it, did you, Yes, because you're dumb. You want them to dig their own grave. And if they're smart, they'll be like, oh, nothing, hah, and then they'll walk off. True. But if they double.
Down, they have to repeat it and explain it and go into detail, deep dive into word.
I said, that's a great idea. Dead pan, you look at them and go, oh, beck, did you mean to be helpful or hurtful with that? Oh my god, perfect, what did you mean? And then they have to be like, ah, because like they sure as hell weren't being helpful and they weren't being helpful one or the other. That's fly were you being helpful or helpful with that one? And then they have to go, oh, no, it's just a joke. I'll be like, oh, sorry, I didn't think it was
a joke. Oh so so sorry. I just was a bit confused about your intention.
God, she's good, helpful or hurtful?
And oh what do you mean by that? Like they're my two favorite things to just acculably make people uncomfortable with their own words.
People taking note, because if this happens to you, any of these five toxic traits, if you ever experienced in real life, use that.
I think that's very funny because it's also like not that confrontational. You get to pretend to be yah, it's get to pretend to be so silly, like you don't have to be like, oh hey, beck, that comment's really mean. And then they get to be like, oh, well, I don't think it's mean. Yeah, I don't know.
Ask them their intention totally, don't give them.
A chance to know, no chance you explain yourself. Ah, don't be friends with people who have studied psychology, their psychopaths.
Beck Oh true, I love that. Yeah, now that is a good place. That's a perfect place to leave it today.
All right, we have loved hanging out with you this Wednesday. Obviously we'll see one Friday for a little Friday rap episode. But till then, have a beautiful week.
We love you, Bye, guys.
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