Hello.
My name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud Order Order
Kerney Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
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She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another one of our money daries, where I get the absolute pleasure of talking to one of our She's on the Money community members all about their journey. Let's jump straight into it, because this week we got a message and it sounded exactly like this, Hello, She's on the Money. I wanted to share my story on escaping financial abuse.
My parents controlled my finances from a young age, which caused me so much shame and led me to hide it from my partner, friends and work colleagues. I felt so much guilt and had no control. It resulted in me going into mountains of debt, my own finances and Bill's falling short, and my own children suffering the consequences. It's been about a year since I've regained control, and although my credit score has taken a hit, I'm down
to one debt. I've just had a baby in January, and I've been able to save for my first family holiday. I'm now saving for my first first home. My mental and emotional health is the thriving, and my family is never missing out. As you guys can tell from this money story, I do want to drop before we get into it, a little bit of a content warning. So in this episode, we are discussing financial abuse that intertwines
a lot with other types of abuse. Now we don't go into too much detail on that, but we do definitely discuss in I would say a fair bit of detail financial abuse. So to make sure that everyone is well supported, I've put a whole heap of links in the show notes. And if this is an episode that you just feel is not for you today, that is so fine. We will see you on the next episode of Money Diaries. And there is a plethora of She's on the money content out there that you can dive
into right now. So let's welcome our money diarist to the show. Money Diarist, Thank you for wanting to share your story with us.
My goodness, thank you so much. I'm so excited to share this part of my journey with you.
Oh my gosh, it's a deep one. Can we dive a bit more into it? My first question before we get further in, though, is always money dost. Would you rate your money habits if I asked you to give them a grade from A through to F.
At the moment, it would definitely be a C plus. I feel like I'm at such a pivotal point in my money journey. This is someone who I guess was constantly running behind every week. I owed a week a week in advance all the time. So I lived my life in reverse for quite a few years. And I'm finally getting that concept of money, credit score, savings, emergency fund, all of those sorts of things. Oh my god, I want to say a C plus.
All right, all right, let's take the C plus. I want to dive into it. I know for some people this could be a little bit heavy, but I want to know. Can you tell me a little bit more about your money story?
Okay, so my money story. It's a little bit sad, to be honest. My very first memories of money and like my first jobs, being thirteen or fourteen, was a lot of my paycheck going directly to my family, especially times around like Christmas, Easter. I come from a huge family. There was seven of us, so every birthday, every Mother's Day, Father's Day, I was sort of given the torch to pay for those things.
It's very sad that all your first memories are that your money just went straight to other people instead of you. But like, how did that start? How did that work? Like was in an expectation from the second you got a job that you were going to work and the money was coming to them? Like was this something that was I guess intertwined into the conversations you had when you were little, Like I've just I've got so many questions. I hope I'm not overstepping.
No, absolutely, you're not overstepping at all. The hindsight and now that I feel like my frontal lobe has developed. As children, we really want to impress, and I guess get that attention from our family members, and it was almost like when I first started doing it, I was so proud that I was helping my family, like it was this badge on my chest. I thought it was amazing, and I think I thought internally that this is going
to fix all our problems. Unfortunately, when it comes to financial abuse, it is a form of family and domestic violence, and more often than not, it can intertwine with other types of abuse as well. So we were always sort of made to feel that everything was our fault and it was our fault that we were struggling. It was our fault we didn't get that shiny thing. Anything that was going wrong was always put onto the children. So I guess to combat that, I thought I was helping
them by giving them bits of money. And it would have been my first and my earliest memory of like, oh, this isn't quite right would be taking my siblings out to the shopping center we bought gifts for my mom and dad around Christmas time. All the kids bought a gift.
There would have been four other children, including myself, and bringing that home and having them like just kick off, call me ungrateful and demand things for themselves, for all of the children, for my grandparents, for my uncle's nieces, things like that. And then I started to realize, oh, it's an expectation that I buy and spend my entire paycheck on everyone.
That's wild to me. And this wasn't just you. So I'm just trying to learn a little bit about your family dynamics. So there was five kids, and for all of you, when you got your first jobs, was that contributing to the family or was that you know, oh, you just copped it, or like.
Oh, I definitely felt like I copped the brunt of it. I was the eldest, and I guess the responsibility pushed on me was if we die tomorrow, it's going to
be your fault that the kids don't get Christmas. So there's a good I'm a good decade older than my siblings, so they would have only been small children when we're walking around the shopping center and buying things, and yeah, I would spend it was almost like every time I saved up for my first car, all of that money would go towards my family and that would go on for years.
Wow, And learning a little bit more about your parents. What type of jobs did they have, Like what types of income were they bringing into the house.
I constantly remember my parents being unemployed and being very like used to that, so they didn't have a job, And maybe that's why I worked so hard. I always worked two or three jobs in school. I was always working because I saw how much we suffered living off benefits.
And is that something that was kind of I guess generational.
Often you see when you know a family does have an unemployed mum and dad, that often is a generational trait because I feel like work ethic is often inherited, like you learn from example, right, Like, and I'm going to get into it, but I'm assuming it's been a lot of work for you to get into this mindset of like, no, I'm going to do something completely different, because yeah, changing from where you've come from is so hard because even though it's really awful, like that sounds terrible,
and like you have touched lightly on the fact that financial abuse is often intertwined with other types of abuse, and we might touch on that a little bit later, but it's one of those things where even though that's the case, change is not what humans crave and so that's why so many people stay in positions like this for a long period of time, because it's like, well, I have been told that the grass is greener, but like I don't know that for sure, so like, maybe
I'll just do what I've always done. So tell me, obviously, this is just what you grew up with. Was that intergenerational? And like, then tell me a little bit about the change and why you knew you needed to make that.
Oh, I could say generational and maybe even cultural. So I am from me and I'm gonna be careful how I say this, But it's very common in Polynesian culture to send money back to the Islands or send money back to New Zealand because it's a hard life overseas. And I feel like that's slowly trickled onto me. My parents. I don't know a lot about one side of my grandparents, but the other side I know were in it was just extreme levels of poverty, and both of my parents
came from extreme levels of poverty. That's probably the best way I could describe.
Right, I know that makes sense, And I guess that's where like I get a little bit I want to say pervy, but like I'm often interested when having these conversations, is like, well, where has this stemmed from? Because I don't believe that many people wake up one day from their you know, nine to five Monday to Friday jobs and go, hi, husband, I would really like to not be employed anymore, and you both just quit your jobs and that becomes the lifestyle you live, like usually it's
quite ingrained. And then having lots of siblings, there's obviously a massive age difference between you and your siblings. Yes, like how did that come to fruition? And like did that play into it? Was the decision to not have more kids immediately after you financial so I.
Think from so like there's myself and another sibling, we're incredibly close in age, and then there's a ten year age gap when we grew up. I do remember both
of my parents working. They would go to have three more children in like two or three years, but as I said, it's that big ten year age gap, and I just remember they stopped working, Like I have memories with my parents not working for decades, like and we were struggling, Like I remember, you know, standing in line at like the Salvos or Saint Vincent's or like the churches and things like that to get groceries. And yeah,
we were just always sort of struggling. And I think my mom made the decision to be a stay at home mom. And I think it could have been a mental health card honestly from in hindsight that maybe they thought they couldn't work. I think it had to do with their overall mental wellness and health as well.
Yeah, okay, and like all of that makes sense, and like I'm not here to judge anyone's decision. I'm just here to learn a little bit more about you and share this story of yours so that we can hopefully stop other people going through this. Yeah, having grown up going to the elbows and you know, having I guess to seek support from other places to just put food on the table. How does that change your mindset? What does that mean for you? Not just today but growing up? Like,
how did you see it? Was that the culture that you grew up in? Was everybody around you doing that? Or is that you're the outlier at school? Or tell me a bit more about that.
Definitely, Like in our street there was there were two families. I remember there was eight kids on one side and another five kids on the other side, and they were going through exactly what we were going through, so they were struggling as well, and I guess that's where we sort of looked out for each other. Like I remember sometimes they'd drop groceries to our door, or like we'd invite them in for dinner, things like that. But when I really sort of look back at it, it was
quite confronting. I remember being maybe seven or eight years old and my dad sort of sitting me and my brother down and just saying that Christmas isn't real. You're not going to get anything this year. You know, this needs to go to the other children. And he just always sort of ingrained that into us, and I guess that's what holidays look to us. So it was Easter is coming up, it's about the younger kids so they don't miss out, but also not being able to process that we were children too.
A baby you're just you know, you're just a baby being forced to grow up.
Like I think it was that just feeling of oh, my goodness, like we've got to take because those young kids, you know, they can't miss out, but actually realizing that maybe our parents had a bit of favoritism towards the children, and I just think they didn't know how to handle
that very well. So it was very like, you know, Christmas is coming around, We've got some money, and it was, look, can you think about us, we need to put food on the things like that, and always having to give and give and give.
What would have happened if you'd said no, like I worked for this money, I don't want to give it up, like obviously no, you would.
Not look definitely like we would be punished. It is the best way to describe that.
That's just not an option. Like you were going to work and you were bringing that money back and it was definitely for the family, no questions asked, and.
Especially around like as I said, being thirteen or fourteen and thinking I was doing the right thing by rewarding my parents because they worked so hard for it. That was my mindset as a child, and just being punished for it, like it was so dramatic. It was like something you'd see on a TV show where the mom's like throwing stuff down the stairs, kicking over the Christmas tree, you know, lots of swearing, lots of like it would
turn into a fight. Sometimes it would get physical and just crying, like just watching, just crying, being like, oh my goodness, nothing is enough. And instead of going like what's wrong with my parents, I'd go, I've got to work harder. I'm going to get that approval. I'm going to get that.
And that's the cycle of abuse for you in a like and I won't say in a nutshell, but like in a very good example, because you know, as an outsider, and this is what frustrates me. People look in and go, well, why wouldn't you just push back or why wouldn't you just leave?
Like you don't know anything different?
But it's not even that you don't know different, Like your mindset is I deserve that, Like you're right, I should have worked harder, I should have done something different, Like oh my god, Mum was so angry at me because I just I messed up far out. Your mindset is not where someone who's been in a healthy environment has been, because you've never known the healthy environment. And I think that's what's so heartbreaking about this is you
just don't know what you don't know. And we say this all the time, and she's on the money, like you know, whether it's about investing or it's about saving or it's about financial abuse, Like you cannot look at someone else's situation and then give advice and say, well, this is what I would do different because that would work. That's not gonna work, Like that's not how it works. Like I wish I could like wave a magic wand and be like, well, actually this is what would fix it.
And it's just trauma, like that is so ingrained that it would have taken you years to even come to the I guess conclusion that that wasn't okay, so literally talking less about what had happened. Tell me more, Now, when did you start to realize that mum maybe throwing things down the stairs was not the way that other mums were parenting, Like when did you realize that was maybe not how it worked?
Goodness? If I'm being completely honest, I would have been about nineteen when I met my current partner, current fiance, Like it's gonna keep the father of my children's so cute. You were just babies and he had a beautiful two year old, and I just remember there was something that he did, like as as kids do. He threw something, he broke something, and I just remember looking and going, I'm not going to yell at him. I'm not going to turn this into a fight, like it was very
clearly an accident. And that was just like this overwhelming, like my brain shutting down, like how could they treat people like that? That was my like, whoa, this is how you're meant to be treated. This is I'd never do that to my children. I just didn't have it in me to be so aggressive or angry towards this child. And that was like the WHOA, how long has this been happening for?
Yeah, and that's a slippery and very confronting slope. So tell me a bit more about Obviously that moment happened, and then what then were you reflecting on your situation or did you bury it and go I don't want to think about this, Like there was.
One more moment and like this has only just come up now. I didn't need to think of it until right now. My eighteenth birthday, I remember my dad took me to the pub, and my birthdays in January, so straight after Christmas and that's my birthday. I usually missed out on birthdays and things like that. That's just sort of how it was. And I remember being eighteen, I
had just paid for Christmas. I spent months of everything I was earning as an apprentice, so like maybe two hundred and fifty three hundred dollars a week towards my family and extended family, so it looked very vibrant and things like that. Towards Christmas, we had a sun room
full of gifts and I would have spent thousands. And I remember we went to I guess the Pokey Room, and I remember watching my parents and I'm counting the money put around five thousand dollars into this massione, and I remember I kept tapping my dad and my mom like come on, we should take this out, and we should go home. We should take this, we should go home, and not actually like being able to process what had happened. And we stayed there from like I remember knocking off
at four o'clock. We got there at five, and we were there till four o'clock the next morning. Oh my god, And they were winning these ridiculous amounts, like majors and all of these like lots of lives, lots of money, and they just put it back in there. And I just remember thinking, like, oh my god, I didn't pack lunch this week you know, there was nothing in the cupboard. I bought a loaf of bread and had to live off it, and there was five thousand dollars into this machine.
And it was so confronting at that time and just being like, Oh my god, it's not my fault. None of this situation, none of like the poverty we were going through, None of that was my decision. That was my parents' decision.
And you're just watching them choose for hours on end to not step up and to just waste it like that would have been. How were you feeling after that, because I'm assuming with the dynamic that you had in your family, that confrontation was probably not the way you dealt with that.
I would confront them. It was a huge fight. I remember walking home crying and then walking to I guess my boyfriend at the time, and sort of telling him what had happened, and then just having to quickly put together and go to work and just crying my whole shift, Like it was so confronting. I couldn't stop sobbing. I was a mess.
Oh my god, my heart. And so I guess those situations and those experiences showed you that maybe that's not what you wanted to be moving forward? What did you do? How did you? Like, I know that you're now twenty three and you're out on the other side, but like, what did twenty five? Oh twenty five? Oh yeah, your parents were part of that until twenty three. Sorry. Yes, So you get to twenty three and you're trying to change your life, Like, what were those steps like? Because that's hard.
It was incredibly difficult. But you know, at this stage, you know, I had been with my partner for four years, and our Christmas was still like buying these ridiculous luxury gifts, like I remember my father asking for five thousand dollar like Gucci sonnies, and my mom asking for like designer handbags and like dult Changer barn and makeup and just these ridiculous, expensive, luxurious, glamorous gifts.
That were not in line with their income at all, like or in line with the lifestyle that they were living. Like it's heartbreaking to see how their values were being I want to say, portrayed when they had children and responsibilities.
Yeah, it's a perfect way to describe my household. They are struggling to pay rent, they're scared that, you know, the cost of living all of these sorts of things, but they still have a BMW parked on the front. Yeah, and like a brand new Prato that they've just spent you know, fifty thousand dollars on. So their priorities around money, it's not linear in any way.
Gosh, And do you know what when people are so deep, the unfortunate thing is you're going to have to pull yourself out of that because more often than not, they're not going to change, like that's not something that they're going to go. Well, actually, money derest We started listening to this podcast and we want to change, like these things are often so deeply rooted that change is very,
very very uncommon. And that's where we see lots of people in our community having these conversations about their parents and going, well, that's not who I want to be, that's not what I want my narrative to look like.
And I definitely remember like thinking like could I accept this behavior because anything that's not changing I'm accepting. I'm allowing my children to see them treat me like that, I'm allowing myself to be treated like that. And it's like, what's too far? Because there's no boundaries anymore boundaries don't exist in this household? What are the next steps? And the perfect way to describe it is decisions were often
made without any of my input around my finances. I would end up getting a really good corporate job, and I started at like an apprentice sort of mechanic level, and I grew into a salesperson and then eventually to a business manager slash advisor to the directors of the company.
Wow, how good is that? Look at you glow?
It was at the time and as you just said, like wow, what an amazing opportunity. But what my I guess direct family and friends started to see that was okay, well this she's in charge of this mechanical business. And that's where I'd start to get that thousands and thousands of dollars worth of debt because it was just a drive through for them. They would drop their cars, they were you know, abuse staff members. They would expect it to be done. I would get like twenty missed phone calls.
They would call the office, they would send text messages like my it was so out of control all the time.
And how did you feel about Like if that was just you know, spitballing here, if that was my family. I'd be mortified, like is that what you're going to work and just being.
Like oh no, like literally and like almost losing my job that I had worked. This was my dream job. I had worked so hard to get here, being in a male dominated field and getting to the position I was at.
You're killing it and having the rest of your family take the mickey, what the hell?
Yes? And there was a really hard conversation with the directors because they're obviously opening up these accounts and I had to start paying for these accounts, and I guess feeling so trapped, helpless and this huge amount of shame. I couldn't say to them, please stop accepting my parents. I don't want to pay those you know, I never agree to this. I didn't say, hey, I've got their card, I've got their tab, I've got it. It was just assumed that I would take care of it.
Yeah, And it was hard.
It was really really hard.
So talk to me about the turning point you decided this life isn't for me. What did that look like?
Oh? I think there were two pivotal moments. I would end up leaving this position to a job that was closer to home, and I had only been there a couple of weeks, and I got in this phone call that the BMW has broken down, and I went, all, I'm at work. I'm still in pro like, I really can't just leave right now, and I was forced to leave. During this point. As I was forced to leave, I've gone into Berson, I've had a quick look at the car. I've grabbed the oil, I've grabbed the cool and I've
grabbed a couple of tools. I grabbed like a jumpstarter I had in my ute, and we tried to get this car going. It was very clear from the quick diagnosis I've done, I'm like, your engine's gone and it's the ECU and I can't fix this. It's not just a quick fix. You're going to have to take this to a specialist because they have specific computers for this. And I'd already spent half my day trying to get
this car going. We eventually got it going. I've taken it to this luxury BMW sort of dealership that special with these cars, and the bill got handed to me, and I guess I just kept getting phone calls from both of my parents. They started calling like my work number, and again it was almost like PTSD from the last position, being dragged into the office and like having a stern talking to like what are you doing? You're here to work,
You've spent this many hours on the phone. And I would end up paying nearly eight hundred dollars to get this car out for them. The engine needed to be rebuilt, and they thought I would just cover the fifteen thousand dollars to have this engine rebuilt.
My god, like but why why would you just cover that?
And like really just thinking about like none of my cars cost fifteen grand, by the way, Like I had all of these cars under ten grand, and I'm like, wait what. And during that time I was borrowing my partner's car. They had taken my car and I could hear the way they were driving it and it was so and it's an older model high LIKEX okay, this
car is older than me. And I could hear them revving it and like slamming the brakes and they're like you need to pay, and like the fight that I would have with them, and I'm like, oh my goodness, they're telling me they're going to write off my partner's car. Who doesn't know that I've just given this car for them to quickly borrow.
Yeah, and your partner had no idea that any of this was no right, Oh.
My goodness, no idean. And I've had to like obviously call him. I've walked to this dealership that was like on the other side of town to pick up this BMW and just being so cautious. So I ended up paying the repairs that they had done and I had gone. You know, I'm still getting yelled down the phone. I'm usually really chill and easy going, so I'm like, oh, okay, I understand, Yes, yes, I was a bit of a yes man, and they had my partner's car, and having to get on the phone to my pr explain what
I'm hysterical. I'm just mortified. He loves this car more than anything. He drinks his coffee every morning and stares at this highlux. He loves this norm I love you love their stuff, I really do.
You just know they're grateful for what they have, Like there's just something so special about that.
He could win the lotto tomorrow and he would still have this car. He loves this thing. Oh my god, that would just stress me out. And he was so calm. He cuddles me, and he goes, sweetheart, it's just a car, and I'm sorry your parents are doing this, Like he had no anger, no resentment.
And was that the moment that you were like, I know I need to marry no, no, no, I know I need to marry this man. That too, because I would have been like, I think I might marry this. You are the father of my children. I don't know if you know this, but.
Literally and just being so mortified, like, oh my god, you know my parents. I don't know if my parents have ridden off your car at all, because I just refuse to. They're fifteen thousand engineery belt and my partner going.
And I think it was also his mindset, like, sweetheart, it's just a car, you know, we get another one, Like it's all right, you know, it's old anyway, like being so calm and collected about the whole situation, and I guess just maybe it is the grass is greener with him and being able to see that, you know, when accidents and all these crazy sort of narratives happen doesn't prompt a response for violence. And that was my big like, oh my goodness, that's not change.
Yeah wow, And so what did change look like?
So for me, I did end up moving out of my parents' house. That was a big one, and I remember just blocking or like turning my phone off.
I just feel like that's a bigger thing than just moving out though, Like you're moving out of this situation, Like, how'd you tell them? How did they respond?
Like?
What did that look like? Because I feel like in those situations they had from what I have learned, they had coercive control over you. So the second that you said I'm actually leaving this situation, they would have felt out of control completely, as you're no longer theirs to tell what to do, to use your money to do all of these things. And I'm sure that that stayed for a little bit, but I'm assuming that that's the case. So how did they respond when you said, by the way, I'm leaving.
At the time, it was really supportive, but it would be later on. And at this point I started to get some help because there is and it's so underrated, there are so many free resources out there, and I had no idea, and I started to pick up on behavior patterns and if I didn't respond to them, say within a couple of hours or that sort of thing.
There would be this huge, like triggering message that you'd respond to, and I slowly started to realize that that was a pattern of behavior that if they weren't getting what they wanted, it had to be this huge blow up, you know, like, oh my god, XYZ is happening, like, oh my goodness, Grandma, like someone think about Grandma pop, you know, or my own mental health, like whatever it was to get that reaction out of me, and you
would slowly start to figure those little things out. Eventually, I wouldn't say it stopped, but I just blocked what I didn't want to see. So I deactivated like my Facebook and Messenger because that was like their direct portal to me. Yeah. I just downed the screen time and downed ways for them to see me. So sometimes they were pretty notorious for just randomly showing up. Wow, but just sort of like you know, my partner would calmly open the door, Sorry she's home, and oh can we
come in? No, mate, sorry, and just having that support network.
Wow, what an icon. This man. I think I'm in love with him too.
He was so onto it, and he just knew I wanted out, He really really did, and he just supported that.
What an icon. I love that. So now you're out, now you're on the flip side. What does that look like? You have some children, you have a very support tell me, tell me all of the fun stuff.
So I do. I had my first biological child. I had my daughter Kaya in January.
Congratulations, mama, How exciting.
So good, amazing. I love it. I love it so much. I was one of those people that were so sick during their pregnancy.
Oh the same girl, same girl. Like I am traumatized from that.
Literally, if anyone else is pregnant, I never share my story around pregnancy because I'm like, you don't want to know you.
I tell them like, no, no, no, that's all good.
Yeah, I know.
I loved pregnancy, pregnancy beautiful. I hated it.
That's exactly. It's so two children. My partner obviously had a child from a separate relationships or a bit of a shared family.
Yeah, bonus, mum, Yeah, absolutely, it's.
Lots of fun. It really is moving forward. Like my future looks like now I've got a dedicated like holiday.
Fund, yes, queen, how good?
Yes, all of my loans payments and I had every payment you could think of. I'm talking plenty, I'm talking zip pay, zip money after pay.
We just collected Pokemon.
It was a game, nimble, everything you can possibly think of, latitude I had. We've taken that down from all of that to one loan, which is fantastic. But having dedicated like savings to holidays houses an investment account, like, it's just up from here. I'm not falling short anymore. All of my arears is paid off.
Oh my gosh, who are you?
Life looks so different, like if you touched base with me a year ago, it would be a completely different conversation.
My god. And so are you still in contact with your family or is that just something that you like that is not for me at this stage?
I did. I gave a lot of opportunity, and I think you really nailed it on the head here where sometimes when they're so deep rooted into certain behaviors, certain spending styles, and I guess just who they are, they don't want to change. I can't change them. And I think people really need to realize that it's okay if they don't want to change, But are you going to accept that and live with that or are you not going to? And I didn't want to anymore.
Yeah, that's fair. And I feel like drawing that boundary is probably the best thing you've ever done for yourself. Absolutely, Like you're creating the family that you deserve, not the family that you were just born into. And I think that that is such a powerful position to be in.
It really is, And like, boundaries are so powerful, and a boundary is only a boundary if it's being respected.
Yeah, one hundred percent, one hundred percent. And often people don't like your boundaries because it's a way that they can take advantage of you. Like, that's right, Oh you don't like my boundaries? Is that because you wanted something for you that I was saying no for me?
Like, oh, interesting, whether it's a toxic boss, like a toxic girlfriend from high school. Like I just utilize and live that mantra every day. Boundary is only a boundary if it's being respected, exactly.
So tell me what do you do for work? How much money do you earn today?
So I am working casually and I work in the shift, which is really great for my lifestyle because I don't feel like I'm missing out.
We've got a baby, what seven or eight months now? That day I think the fact that you're working is impressive.
Oh my goodness, thank you. But we decided to make a decision that we obviously changed our budget and we were we were living comfortably, but we made the decision for me to return back to work casually get all of that loading, and it's only going to our housing and savings account.
Oh how exciting. You just really feel like you're contributing when it goes straight into something like that, Hey really is.
And it's like, oh my goodness, we're ahead all the time. What do we This is great, sexy.
I love it.
It's amazing. But I work in hospitality and I've actually just been offered a duty manager position in the couple of months that I've been there. Of course you have, so that's obviously going to be a big pay rise. But at the moment, depending on the hours I want to do, it's anywhere between eight hundred dollars to twelve hundred dollars a week. It's casual, so there's some loading there.
Sometimes it's a little bit more, sometimes it's a little bit less, but that's usually what we're looking at.
How good's that?
And if I take on the duty manager role, it'll be about eighty thousand a year.
Oh how good is that? I bet you didn't see that coming.
No, not at all, And it was just a job I enjoyed. It's really sweet. It's almost like an RSL sort of vibe. You know, it's the same locals and they're really beautiful, and I do enjoy it.
I love that. So tell me a bit more. What are your big money goals? You've obviously started setting everything up. You've got this like holiday fund, but like, what are you currently working towards?
So for us, we're currently saving for our very first investment property and.
What does that look like? How will that work?
So at the moment, we're in one of those suburbs that just quadrupled during COVID, so we will likely be renfesting. So we're looking just out of southeast Queensland, Greater Brisbane.
How good? All right, let's go to a really quick break on the flip side. I have a whole heap of questions for you. Don't go anywhere money, Diris. We are back and I feel like you have changed your entire story, Like you haven't just changed a few things, and like you know, gone from being in debt to out of debt, Like you've changed the entire trajectory of your entire life, and I am just I'm so proud of you, but so excited to see where you go.
Like every job that you've had. I don't know if you've noticed this pattern, but you've told me every job you've had, you've like gone in they've seen your value really early on. You've probably had this epic work ethic and you've moved up the ranks really quickly. You've just
done it again. You went back casually just doing some like night shift stuff so that you could bring some extra cash in and they've already offered you a duty manager role like be for real, Like obviously you are killing it, but.
That's insane when you say it out loud.
Yeah, but like it's so cool that that's the case, and you can just see it when you were even doing that, when you were experiencing such adversity that now you're not, Like, I can't wait to see where you go. But back to the set questions before I get completely off track again, have you thought about investing what does that look like for you in the future, or have you discussed it with your partner? Or what are your thoughts and feelings.
So we're definitely looking down the investment route. We're actually booked in this week to touch base with a financial advisor.
Oh my gosh, get it.
Yeah, we're really excited for so we're looking at utilizing our superannuation a little bit better, and yeah, we definitely want to get into shares and those sorts of things, but for the moment, we're really sort of our focus is around our first investment property, Like that's our big sort of ticket item that we're.
And that's an investment like that's still there. That absolutely makes sense when you touched on super so I just feel like you're in the right place. You're going places, my friend, thank you so much, thank.
You, but really excited to see what the financial advisor we'll have to say, and we're just going to sort of work from there. We're really really excited.
I love it all right, tell me about debts. So you have smashed down so much debt it's not even funny. What are your current debts and how long do you think it'll take to get out of them?
So this is where my partner and I are sort of on the fence because we do solely have as I said, an entire job going dedicated to savings. And we're deciding whether we pay out all of our debts or whether we still go for the investment property. But our capacity will change, so what we can actually loan is going to change. So that's what we're sort of on the line of, we refinance some debts. So my partner has a personal loan he refinanced, and I've just got my car loans.
You've just got one each each. Oh my gosh, if we went back like three or four years, would you believe that you only had one?
Absolutely not. I just remember always having a negative account and always getting the scary phone call of like you ows.
And now if I said to you, oh my gosh, this bill has popped up, like it's one hundred dollars, like you'd have the cash in the bank for that.
We do.
Oh, how exciting is that? That's my favorite thing to hear, Like obviously, an emergency fund is literally my favorite thing because it gives you financial control even if you are still in debt, like even if you are still going through it, like just knowing that you've got cash at your fingertips to get yourself out of a pickle like, it's literally the best thing ever. I want to know though, Like side note on the debt question, you've obviously smashed
down so much of it. What's your best smashing down debt tip?
That is such a good question. Something that I did and I was heavily pregnant with my daughter when I did this, I picked up a job in my last trimester.
Oh my gosh, icon, I think I was dying in my last trimester.
Oh I was. I had to walk around with a nappy. It wasn't pretty for.
Anyone involve so just at work wearing a nappy, No, no, no, how would they lik?
Oh and the vomit bag, but it was kind of beautiful because it was male dominant. They didn't want to ask those questions because I so much information, you.
Know, scare them away. Icon.
I think the best tip I could give is just focusing. Like in my case, it was arrears and refinancing. So I was a really really silly girl. And something that they don't tell you is if you're not paying off your finances, and maybe I think I went into like an emergency program so they stopped taking money up and I had six months to pay that off what they don't tell you is that you have to play six months interest on top of that. Yeah, and I did that with all of my loans, so my arears were insane.
During that time. We sold off just things that we didn't need, like the trailer that was hanging out in the front yard that no one's touched. But I worked and we just solely used. My partner paid the bills and I paid like all of the arrears and finances, and within you know, four to five short months, everything was almost gone. And then we refinanced.
Oh my gosh, that's so exciting. And I love that you were so resourceful. I mean the fact that you were willing to wear unappy to work and get it. Queen, you're a woman on a mission. I love it. It was and I.
Look back and I look at like the lifestyle I have now with my daughter, like even now, like I'm sitting with my daughter, like and it's so amazing. But I still have cash flow coming in, and I still have savings and an emergency fund and you know, as a dedicated holiday fund.
That's so excited. And that's just not how you grew up. Like these are things and experiences that you're able to give your daughter because you've been able to take control of this situation.
I'm obsessed, Oh my goodness, absolutely, even like it's gotten down to like a sun and like his first bits of pocket money, and we're sort of explaining that, like, okay, so half we're putting away and then half again, So a quarter you can spend on whatever, that's your splurge money. The other quarter is you know, are you saving for that lego? Are you saving for that basketball? And we're just trying to teach him around money and get his literacy up as well, which is really exciting too.
And I think that that's such a really good point, like you get to instill this in a future generation, which is really cool. But also something that I want to go back on. Earlier, you said something, you said, I'm such a silly girl. I believe like around how you managed your debts, and I just wanted to nip that in but because you said I'm yeah, I'm such a silly girl, or I was such a silly girl, and just you were doing the best that you could with the time and the energy and the knowledge and
the resources that you had access to. You were just getting by and I think that we need to be so gentle with our past selves because that's who got you to hear, Like they might not have had the time and the resources, and she might not have had the knowledge that you have today, but that didn't make her silly because she's the one that got you out
of that situation. Like, I just think it's so important to be so kind to past us because so many times we call ourselves silly or dumb or oh my god, I'm such an idiot, and like it's not true, like and it doesn't help us to be in that mindset.
No, no, it's es same. It doesn't help anyone. It's very true though, Like, and I think just the reflection on looking back and seeing where I am, you wouldn't believe it. I do.
I can see it, and it's so cool, it's insane.
Like literally, I think I had a photo memory come up today where I was heavily pregnant with my daughter and I remember like the loan sharks knocking on the door.
Oh yeah, wow, that was.
A photo memory that came up to then, like you know, having savings, living comfortably, your all of these accounts, and this was only within a year eighteen months time, which is insane.
I am so excited for you. So tell me, what do you think is now your best money habit?
You know what my best money habit At the moment, I'm on the fence between prioritizing debt or my house savings account because I love that, Like you wake up every week looking and like, well look how much of that grew? I think that's my favorite. Definitely my house savings account.
I think that that is a really, really good money habit. Tell me, though, do you have any naughty little money habits? What's your worst?
Oh? My goodness? Now, like, oh, I feel like so many people relate to this too, and it's almost like it's a bit naughty. It's a bit naughty.
It's all right, that's all right, we're here for it, irrespective of how naughty it is.
I love a naughty snack from the server.
Oh no, sorry, I'm I'm here for that. Like, not one thing hits better than a seven eleven sausage roll, that's right, Like it's it's not even naughty to me. I'm like, this is this.
Is a treat.
It's self care guys, Yeah exactly. And I mean if the coffee is a dollar. Like, am I not saving money by being here?
My goodness? But I'm really bad for that. Like it's me and my partners. We look at each other, I'm like, oh, would a Maxi bond be nice right now?
It would be it would be really nice.
It would be really nice. But that is something like, you know, we stay on top of checking our accounts. Often we look and we go, oh, you know, maybe it, which is why a pack of Maxi bonds instead of like yell midnight trips.
See, that's what kills me. Knowing how cheap they are at the supermarket, Like just knowing that I'm spending what I could have spent on a box of four on was like I'm always like, oh, this pains me, but then I tap my card and I did it anyway, that's it.
So that's something that we're slowly working on. But it's also like this idea on our head. We were like, well, it does make us really happy and we love doing it. True.
True, we are living within our values. Yes, Money Diarist, at the start of this episode, you said I'm a C plus. I think I'm a C plus and I'm not going to argue with you. I feel like you have been through the absolute ringer and come out the other side for the better. Like I'm just I'm so proud of you, Like you've been through so much and changed your whole trajectory for the better. Like your daughter is in the best possible position. Your family is going to be so well looked after.
What would it.
Take for you to get to an A or an A plus?
Like?
What would that look like? What work do you think needs to be done?
I think it's it's the power of the unknown. At the moment, I feel like I'm so new to understanding money, and even though I'm passionate about it, I'm reading every
book I can find on it. I think when I have a better understanding on say like investments and prioritizing debt a little bit more, and I guess having a stronger knowledge on budget, I have the most basic PDF budget you can think of, it's you know, I could change things up, for sure, but I think really sort of investing more time, getting some more advice from like experts like financial advisors and things, and moving forward from there.
Oh, I can help, I can help. I'm going to set you up with our money master class. I feel like I keep doing this on the show, but I'm like, not even a little bit sorry, But I'm going to set you up with our money masterclass, which I think is going to really help. If you said you have a PDF budget move over like that, mine is going to run rings around it. You're going to love it.
It's also why aesthetically love that. But it's also got a heap of videos, so it will take you through like why you feel certain ways about money, how to get through that, what that looks like for you in the future, and also like why it's important to invest, you know, what insurance might look like, debt reduction, all of that fun stuff. I mean, you're probably across the debt reduction you don't need me for that, But the budgeting side of things I think I could really help with.
So I'll set you up with that. But the rest of it, I mean, girl, you're seeing a financial advisor this week, Like you're going to be an A plus by Friday by the sound of it.
Oh my goodness.
I hope.
So, I hope. So I'm excited to start making money work for us in like an investment way, not just reducing debt, not just paying deals. But like really making money work for us. I think that's my end goal.
I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with this whole story of you coming out the other side and just being so positive, like you've just got so much to share with the world, and like knowing that you've gone you're a mum, you have a seven or eight month old, and you are now working, and now you've been offered an eighty thousand dollars a year job, like you are going to be fine. We have to do like a
she's on the money, where are they now? Like I need to do money dories and babe, I'll call you. I'll call you in a year, I'll call you in two years. We need to know updates because I'm just so excited for you, like the change.
It's amazing. What's the date. We're in August, You're in August August next year. I'm excited.
I'm excited. Let's do it. Let's do it all right, Sadly, that is all we have time for today. I have loved hearing your story. I have felt very privileged that you've trusted us with it and that you want to share it with the community, so that they can put themselves in better positions and really just understand what they're going through. I'm going to have a whole host of links in the show notes, so if anyone's going through something similar like you are, they are well supported and
we can send you in the right direction. But Money Diarist, it has been a pleasure. I'm just so grateful that you want to share this with us, and I know our community is going to love this episode.
Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to use this platform to help others. I'm just blessed. Thank you so much.
You're an icon. You're an icon.
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