Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
Let's get into it.
She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
Hello, and welcome to She's on the Mune, the podcast for millennials who want a financial freedom. Welcome back to another one of our money diaries where we get to talk with one of our beautiful She's on the Money community members all about their journey. Before we jump into this episode, I just want to give you a little bit of a content warning. Today we are going to
be discussing sexual assault and abuse. So if that is a topic that you don't want to dive into today, we have a million more episodes that you could dive into right now, So feel free to run away, but if you're going to stay, let's jump straight into it. We got a message this week and it went like this, Hi Victoria. Growing up, my dad made lots of bad money decisions and got our family into debt. Then my brother passed away and my father left my mum when
I was five years old. All of a sudden, Mom had to juggle work, study, and raising my sister and I on her own. She'd always encouraged us to connect with our feelings, depend on each other, and it is a model of stepping up and doing whatever it takes. Due to an assault, I was unable to finish year twelve, and I've recently left an abusive relationship that was also financially abusive. Last year, I was scammed out of my savings for my first car. But now I'm debt free,
have paid off my first car. I work full time, have a side hustle, and I'm looking to study soon. I've learned so much from She's on the Money, and I cannot wait to share my story Money Diarist, How is it that you've gone through all of this and you're only twenty two years old.
It's definitely been a journey. I guess.
Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of you. I feel like there's such a pivot in that story of this just you know, reading it, I go far out. This woman has been through so much, and then it's just like, oh, and I also paid this off and I work full time, and guess what, I have a side like, I'm just so proud of you already and I haven't even heard the whole story.
Ah, thank you. Last year was definitely a turning point where I saw put the armor on and I was like, no, We're gonna try and go in a different direction this year.
Oh my gosh, No, I love this for you. Congratulations. All right, Well, let's dive straight in. The First question I want to ask is what grade would you give your money habits? If I asked you to give yourself a grade from A through.
To S, Probably like a C plus.
I think a C plus. Yeah, all right, let's start there. But my favorite question of the entire episode, I want to know, can you tell me a little bit more about your money story?
So it was off to a rocky start as a kid with dad leaving mum. I was brought up in these two opposite worlds where with Dad money was always tight and there was always this anxiety around money. But on the other hand, he would leave this really luxurious life and go to the market and spend hundreds of dollars on food, by expensive clothes. So it just didn't make sense to me, even as a six or seven year old, if money's so tight, why are you spending
Why are you living like this? And it also made me feel really guilty about what I cost as a child. My education must cost a lot, and my school uniforms must just be putting Dad under so much pressure. Even as an eight year old, I was thinking that. But then with mum, obviously Dad took a majority of the family money and the business and everything, so Mum had to figure out how to work after ten years being a stay at home mum, how to manage a family home.
And even though I thought things were tired at mums, she never made us feel guilty for that.
I feel like that's a really challenging place for an eight year old to be, Like, an eight year old shouldn't be worried about money in that way. Like I think there's educating your kids on money, but then there's also that guilt associated and that shouldn't have been the case for you. Like that breaks my heart that you know you're going to school and you're like, oh my gosh, is my uniform putting my dad under pressure? Like that that's just a burden that an eight year old shouldn't
have to carry. Do you feel like that has extended into your adult life? Like, do you feel like those things maybe why you want to be so fiercely independent?
Absolutely. I just think now thinking back, it's crazy that an eight year old would be so hyper aware of how much things cost and feeling guilty about just the general cost of me being alive. And I think also being in a really anxious state around money with dad has caused me to be quite anxious and panicked with finances.
Yeah. Absolutely, all right. I want to ask, and I hope that I'm not overstepping here, but in your letter you said my brother passed away. Can you tell me a little bit about your brother? Yeah?
So he was born the first of us three children back in nineteen ninety two, and he was born severely disabled and had epilepsy. So I can't even imagine what that would have been like for mom and dad. My brother, being the first child born, but also in the nineties where no one really knew what was wrong with him and there wasn't like the disability support pension. Mum just had to go through so much red tape to get a ramp to the front door so she could get
her son in. And then he passed away when he was four, so still before I was born, and just yeah, I just can't imagine what my parents went through with that. But even though he passed away before I was in the family, Mom still was adamant that you know, he's your brother, he's a part of this family. It doesn't matter that you never met him, You're still really close and you're a part of this family too.
Oh my gosh, that makes my heart so full to know that he wasn't forgotten. I don't know, I just feel like sometimes that that can be a trauma that people go through that they'd prefer not to talk about. But bringing him back into the family, I mean, he would have been thirty. Now, that's wild to think about that. You know, for thirty years, you guys have known your brother, and I just I think that's so wildly special to be able to still honor that do you still celebrate
him day to day? Like do you celebrate his birthday? Or like what do you guys get up to?
Absolutely so, we He would have turned thirty last December, and obviously we were Mum especially was really upset and it was a difficult time, but we gathered as a family and we shared the burden and not even being upset that he passed away, obviously, but celebrating his memory still living on. And when I have kids, they're going to know that they have an uncle and he's still a part of the family and they still have that connection to him.
That makes my heart so happy. I'm so glad to hear that. And I think that it's one of those things where often people will say things in passing, or maybe not often, and I hope it's not often that people talk about siblings or family members that have passed away. But I just think it's so important that we ask and instead of just glossing over it, Oh, wow, your brother passed away. I guess that's a trauma we shouldn't uncover. But just like, who were they, how old were they?
What was their name? Like do we still celebrate them? What does that look? I think it's just so important to also help their memory still live on, Like your face life's up when you talk about him and you've never even met him. Like that makes me just so happy to know that that's part of your journey. But I guess to bring it back to what we're talking about, do you think that that then played into maybe some of the bad money decisions that your dad might have been making.
It's hard because he wasn't the best parent, but I still feel.
He's still your dad.
Yeah, Like I still love him, and I can understand why he did certain things or the behaviors he continues to do.
So.
I think having that firstborn son and not being able to like go out and kick the footy or like do typical dad and son things, it really got to him.
I feel like that would get to anybody. So then growing up, obviously your mum juggled work and study and raising your sister. Tell me a bit about your mum. I want to know how she managed that. I feel like single parents do not get the credit that they deserve. How did that, then, I guess impact you now as an adult.
My mum is a boss. She's like my biggest fan, my biggest support, and I look back on what she
did and I'm just in awe. She had no financial education and hadn't worked for so many years, and all of a sudden, she's got two kids that are fully dependent on her, and she's lost a child as well, lost a family, and she's gone out there, went to tape and got a degree, she started working, and all the while supporting us through study and like with you know, having two girls going through puberty is such a difficult situation by itself, let alone having all those extra vulnerabilities
behind her. But she just she always encouraged us to feel our emotions and connect with each other. Nothing's too big that we can't solve. And so I think I've taken that from her. When things are really really shit and really low, let's feel it.
Let's just sit.
With it, and then what are we going to do about it? How can we solve this?
I love that. I feel like that's really good advice. I want to know more about you, though, so talk to me. What do you do for work? How much money do you earn?
So I work in the justice system, in the domestic violence unit, and I earn well one thousand, seven hundred and fifty eight dollars comes into my bank account every fortnight. And then I also have a side hustle that brings in three hundred and eighty dollars a month.
Ooh, what's your side hustle? How do you get into that?
So I just clean like people's houses around my neighborhood a cuple times a fortnight.
I love that. I feel like that's such a good side hustle. And is it a bit flexible given your working and you know, busy doing life.
Yeah, it's so flexible, Like I come work weekends or before work in the morning sometimes so and I really like cleaning. It's so satisfying, so why not get paid for it?
I do have a question, though, do you like cleaning other people's places or just cleaning in general? Because I feel like I remember going to friends places and being happy to help them clean their room, but like there's no chance I would do that at home. I like cleaning my house.
It's the folding that I cannot stand in mind, Like my laundry will just stay on my bed for like three weeks.
Yeah, same same. I am clean, but I'm not tidy, and I think there's a very big difference between those two things that I'm happy to embrace it. But a very clean person just not a tidy person. So are my clothes everywhere? Yes? But is my shower sparkling at all times? Absolutely? It is because I have an obsession with domestos. But we can talk about that at another stage. Money, darist, I want to know a bit more about this career of yours because you said earlier that due to an assault,
you were unable to finish year twelve. But it sounds like you've got a pretty cool job. So can you tell me a little bit more. I guess about not finishing year twelve and then finding yourself in the role that you're in, because that sounds like a pretty special job.
Yeah.
So it's a lot of things have happened since I left year twelve. I was quite studious, and I loved learning, and I had big plans to go to university and save the world. But towards the start of year twelve, I had my drink spiked and I was sexually assaulted. And I knew that if I tried to stay at school and put up the mask, that I wasn't going to make it in school or in life in general.
I had to make a really difficult decision with my mum and my sister helping me, but I had to choose to leave you twelve to basically take care of myself and get through this horrendous experience that just it just turned my whole view of the world and trust in the world and in people. It just turned it on its head, and I really needed to process that before I could study and work towards that career.
How are you so strong? Because the way you've just articulated that has made me want to burst into tears and hug you at the same time as knowing that you are fiercely independent and really articulate, and you work in this area where you're dealing with, you know, family violence, having gone through a traumatic event yourself, Like, how have you come out the other side? Because I think sometimes people go through these things and they just really can't
see the light at the end of the tunnel. How are you doing?
I guess it's coming up to the four year anniversary. I guess you'd call it that. It's been a few years, but I've definitely been stuck in the deepest of pits, and sometimes all you need to do is sit with it with people you love, and just give it the time and the space that it deserves. I've seen a therapist every week for about three years, so I'm the biggest advocate for mental health help and support.
And I guess my mom, your mom sounds like a bloody legend.
She is Like every time I'd cry or have a nightmare or have a flashback, she was there and she never squished my feelings or invalidated me. And she always trust that I knew what I needed. Like I didn't go to the police and I didn't want to and I still haven't. And even though that was hard for her because she wanted to bring these people to justice, absolutely that was something that I decided I didn't want and she one hundred percent respected that.
I love that because I feel like so often people just jump to wanding to I guess have a bit of a savior mentality, like I really want to save you, and the best thing in the entire world is for
me to go to the police. And I know that that can be you know, it's the right thing, right And as somebody who has not gone through that, I you know, can sit here and say, oh my gosh, I would absolutely go to the police, but you never know until you're in that circumstance, and that can be a trauma in itself, like that can be reliving it, but not only reliving it, but having it dragged out and having it criticized and analyzed and drawn through the courts.
And it's actually okay to say no, I don't want to go down that process and sit with that. And I also don't think that it is anybody else's responsibility to follow that up, Like you don't have a responsibility to do that, and I think a lot of people feel that, and you just don't. So I'm just so proud of you having gone through all of that and far out. You've got your head screwed on and you dropped out of year twelve, Like what how good is that? So talk to me? What's next? Like what are you
going to study? Like where's life going? What do you want to do? I'm obsessed with you.
I think I want to work in supporting domestic violence survivors.
I think that sexual assault was a big part of my story, but I also I think a flow on from that was just not feeling worthy, not feeling confident, or like there's something inherently wrong with me for that to have happened, and that landed me in like an abusive relationship which I got out of last year, and he bled me dry with my savings and totally just got in my head like a parasite and cracked my sense of reality and my confidence and trust in myself.
So I think now I'm just working on rebuilding the fact that I can save money and I don't need to feel guilty and it's not selfish, and really trying to protect the money that I've worked really hard for rather than just trying to save like a bit of that savior complex with that guy that I was seeing, and so just really trying to build my self confidence up and the fact that I'm independent, this is me, and I'm working on financial freedom for myself, not for
a partner, which I think is excellent as well, But this is just me, and I am worth the work that I put in for the money and also the work I put in to save that money.
One hundred percent. You are far out, Brussel Sprout. You are making me so insanely proud of you, Like I just I'm in awe, Like it's so impressive to see at twenty two, you just you are wise beyond your years with mentality and mindset and the way that you're
approaching this. And I think that I wish everybody could approach a situation like this, and your advice of like, sometimes you just have to sit with it is so relevant and so valid, especially right now, because I feel like so many people have gone through things or are going through things, and like, regardless of what it is like, being able to just sit with it is something that is really uncomfortable, right, Like it's not something we actually
want to do, and it's not something that is first nature. It's something that you actually have to learn, but it can be such a really important part of your healing and a part of getting through it. And obviously, and I won't say you're okay, but you are getting through it in the best possible way, and I can see that you can see the light at the end of
the tunnel. How did you gain the courage after going through all of that to be in a relationship and going all right, well, this douchebag has bled me dry. What was the decision making process around going into what I'm out, Like, I'm leaving this relationship.
It was really hard because he had weaseled his way into my head and isolated me from my family and friends, which is really scary because I'd like to think I have one of the closest relationships a mother and a daughter can have, and he got in between that. And I tried three times to leave, and I ended up going back. But I just remember thinking, I don't know
if this is too honest, so please tell me. But he asked me to take my Marina out because he didn't like contraception and he thought it was like unnatural, and I just remember thinking, oh, my god, can you I was imagining myself as a mother and my children, seeing like having him as a father and how that would affect my kids, and just thinking, oh my gosh, I cannot bring kids into the world with this person.
And then that sort of just it was like a sheep being taken off my eyes, and I just looked at every single thing or every behavior that I was doing for him and realized that it was completely against my values. It was delusional, and I just could not live like this for another second. And I think, like in domestic violence situations, it's so hard because they isolate you and they make you think that you're going crazy
and that you can't trust yourself. And he would even pick on the way I did the dishes or my posture, and I just couldn't do anything right. And that moment of thinking he wants to bring kids into the world with me, that was just too confronting. Yeah.
Yeah, it's an interesting way of thinking about it, right, And I think that this can be true for a lot of people in relationships that are abusive, and maybe they haven't realized that they're abusive, or maybe it's just not the right person. Right. We are so and this is so wrong, This is so so wrong, But we are so willing to compromise ourselves and their own happiness
and our own safety and ourselves. But the second we start thinking would I do that for my children, it's a different story, right, Yeah, And I think that that question can be and, as I said, confronting, because you go, oh my gosh, that is absolutely not what I want to do, like you know, and I mean there's a whole overlay of him wanting you to take out your marina like that is wildly messed up. But I guess the part of this conversation we're talking about is would
you have children with this man? And would you be happy for them to be their dad? And you go no. And I think that the answer to that is the answer to should you be in that relationship anymore? And I think that that can be a good question to us, because so many people justify relationships, right, like he's not that bad, or he's really nice, or he's just going through like we justify everything. But I think that can be a question that a lot of people aren't ready
to know the answer to, right. But oh my gosh, and I want to know how are you feeling now? Because this is heavy, Like this is a lot to have gone through, and like I now, I'm in my thirties, right, And I think back to me being twenty two years old and I'd just come out of a seven year relationship and like it was an absolute mess. But I look back and I go, I was such a baby, and you're you're twenty two, Like to me, you are so young and have so much ahead of you, but
have also lived so many lives. Are you okay? What is going on with money? Diarist? Today?
Oh I feel like a fifty year old some days. I guess every day is different and it's really hard because you have to well, I felt like I had to build myself up from nothing again. But then again, I am so grateful and fortunate to have so many strong, beautiful women. My mum again gets a shout out, like she I.
Want to meet this woman. She sounds like an actual legend.
She is an actual legend. Yeah, I've really hurt her when I chose my ex over her and I left, and but the amazing woman took me back and she you know, we had to mend that relationship. But I got through that time because I have really beautiful, strong people around me and there's just something I don't know, something in me that it doesn't matter how bad it gets, I just can't give up, Like I just have to keep going.
I love that. I love that so much, and I think that that's something I wish we all had, right, Like, no matter how hard it gets, I keep going. Like what an absolutely valuable personality trait you have. I feel like so many of us are like, oh my gosh, no, I just call into bed and I'm done days like that. Don't worry, I'm sorry for So let's go to a
really quick break and then after. I actually want a deep dive a bit more into your money goals and what your habits are and whether you invest, and what the plans are for the future. So guys don't go anywhere, all right, money Diarist, let's dive straight back in, maybe a little lighter on this side of the episode. Though,
Money Diarist, you're killing it. You are earning. You said seventeen hundred and fifty eight dollars per fortnite, which equates to about fifty five thousand dollars a year, not taking into consideration superannuation. And then you said you earned three hundred and eighty dollars per fortnite is or per month? Was it? I think it was per mon doing cleaning because you're a little side hustler. I want to know what are your big money goals, what are you working towards.
I think I really want to just have stability in my finances and have the option of leaving a situation or leaving a job or a relationship that I don't want to be in anymore, and having that financial buffer behind me. But I think the main money goal would be to buy a bit of property and like start my own garden and have my own house. That's the main one. And I also want to go to Italy with my mum next year.
Ah, a wholesome goal. I also I'm loving this. You're like, I'm a fifty year old is what you said before the break, And now you're like, I want to start a garden and I want to go to Italy. I'm like, yep, we are the same person. We are fifty year olds trapped in younger bodies money diarrest. The next question I've got for you, I want to know about investments. Are you investing? If so, how I'm.
Not at the moment. I read about it and like, I listened to the podcast, but I'm just I'm a little bit scared to take the first step.
I feel like that is so relatable but also really normal, Like you don't have to take that step until you're absolutely ready to do it. And I think too many times people I don't know, they take it too early and then they run away from it and then they bury their head the sand and don't pick it up for a few more years. So I'd much prefer it to take a little bit longer than fruit to be turbocharged. So that is not the worst thing in the world. The next question, I don't think you do, But do
you have any debts? If so, what are they?
No, I don't at the moment. I had a five grand debt for my car, but I paid that off within a couple months. And yeah, other than that, I'm planning to study next year, so i'll have a hex step then.
And you're planning on studying psychology.
Is that right? Psychology or social work? I'm still not sure which one.
Air pic or right. Next question I've got for you, I want to know. I feel like your mum's taught you a lot here. What is your best money habit?
I think I use an app on my phone called Spendy.
Ooh, I don't think I've heard of this one.
I love it like you can sort It's just tracking all your spending and your income, and you can sort it into categories and have different tags on them. So if I want to know how much I've spent on gas, boarder and electricity, I'll just go into that category and see the spending in the last twelve months. So I think even if I don't stick to my budget, I'll still put every single dollar I spend in that app.
That's really powerful. Too many times, and I say this all the time on the podcast. So many of us are able to articulate how much comes into our account, but we don't know what goes out, and being in control of that is where financial freedom starts. So where did this come from? Who gave you this recommendation of this spending app or is there something you've just always done?
I think listening to Sheees on the Money and reading your book on the cash flow, like, I had no idea where all my money was going, and it just all felt like a tornado and I was in the middle, and so I thought, no, I'm going to just start seeing where it's going. And then once we know what we have, we know what we can work with and what we can work towards.
I guess, love, how do you feel now you know what you have and what you're working towards in comparison to being in the middle of a tornado? So empowered? I love it. That's exactly what we want to hear. And I was definitely leading you down the garden path to say that, let's flip this on its head though. I want to know what is your worst money have it? What are you not so good at I find it really difficult to.
I don't know, because I had no money and quite bad like behaviors and giving it away or just getting rid of it. Now, I'll save like seventy five percent of my paycheck and leave off like all my expenses are really low, and I feel guilty if I like buy myself a skirt for work or like go out for a nice dinner. I think, yeah, like that guilt around spending money and feeling like I'm doing what I
used to do. I think that's probably the worst money habit, because I don't really feel that proud of myself for the savings I do have. It's just like, oh, well, you could have had more if you didn't do this, this, and this those years ago.
No, that's so detrimental, and we say it all the time when we're talking to diarists. I feel like, once we start to become educated, one of the detrimental things about education is that we want to overlay it over our past. We want to look at the education that we have today and go far out like I did this wrong and this wrong and this wrong, whereas past you she was just doing the best that she could with the tools and resources she out at the time.
And it's nice to look back and go fire out, I could have, but in reality you didn't and that's okay, and we can't change that. And I think it's really about acknowledging, Hey, we can't change the past. We can't, you know, change what you would have saved for or what education would have done for you back then. But what we can do is reinvent our money story for the future, and we can actually put ourselves in the
best possible position. And it's not constructive in any way, shape or form to be saying things like that to ourselves, because it just makes us feel like trash. Right, Like when you do that, you're like, oh my gosh, I'm not celebrating how far I've come. And I mean if I took you, let's say, four years ago and said, all right, look at money Diarist today, Oh my gosh, imagine how proud she would be of what you've achieved.
Should be in awe of everything that you're doing and the job and the side hustling and the savings and the planning, Like, imagine that circumstance instead of what if. And I think that we can really reframe what success looks like, because sometimes we get into this I guess groove of it not being enough or not being consistent enough. But it's so enough, Like you're killing it. I'm just Oh,
I'm so proud of you. Earlier you gave us a money score, and now we've gone through all of this, Like, I'm just so proud of you to know that you're saving and you you know you're you're on cash flow, You've read my book, you have your spendye app, you had a Carlo and you paid it off. You are planning to study. Do you think that the score you gave yourself at the start of the episode is accurate?
Or maybe do you think you're being a little bit harsh on yourself in any way, shape or for harsh on myself?
That's so not like me. Yeah, I think I would definitely being a bit harsh on myself. Today I added a little bit to my savings and it clicked over to fourteen thousand dollars, So.
No, I didn't. That's so exciting.
Yeah, I feel like maybe a B would be a little bit more appropriate.
Oh, I'm going to give you an A. I just feel like you deserve it. You're a queen and fourteen thousand dollars saved at twenty to Holy moly, I was in more debt than that, Like at twenty two, I think I had close to forty just over forty thousand. I need to go find that statement because I think people would find it interesting. But I was in forty thousand dollars worth of personal debt at that age because I just didn't have a financial education. I had no idea.
So knowing where you are, I'm just so proud. I'm so proud of everything that you've done, everything that you've been willing to share with us. I just feel like this story is not only going to teach people a lot, but I think it's also going to give a lot of people in our community the permission to just sit with their feelings, which I think is just so important.
And I'm so grateful that you've shared that, so moneyed Diarist. Unfortunately, that's all we have time for today, but thank you for your story and for spending some time with me. I'm just I'm so forever grateful.
Thank you so much, Victoria. It's been a blessing to be on the show.
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