MONEY DIARIES: Achieving Her Goals with Borderline Personality Disorder

Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud your

Let's get into it. She's on the Money, She's on the Money.

Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money the podcast Millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another shop back Money Diary Monday, where we get to chat to a beautiful community member to learn about them, their story, their money, their life all of the fun things in between.

Have you got a good one this week, jessic.

Ricci, I have an excellent one, However, it is a little heavy, so I did just want to pop a content warning right here up the front. We're going to be talking about a whole range of things, including mental health, specifically BPD. There are themes of self harm and drug use as well, so just keep that in mind. It is a really great diary. But if any of those themes might be a little bit off putting for you, give this week a skip. We've got a whole back catalog that you can listen to and check out.

We absolutely do so without further ado. Jessica Ricci, what was this week's money dires female?

So Our diret says, I came to Australia as an international student from the Philippines. In my five years living here, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. One of the main symptoms is impulsivity. I used to save, safe, save and was smart with my spending, but if I have a relatively bad day emotional roller coaster, I just spend it all.

That seems very relatable to some other people in our community that I've heard something similar from, but I think so as well. Money Darist, welcome to the show, and thank you for wanting to share your story with us.

Ah, thanks for having me.

Oh my gosh, of course, it sounds like you've been here, there, and everywhere, from the Philippines all the way to Australia and going through all of that and still thriving. But also impulsivity is something that not just people with borderline personality disorder stuffer with, but you would get it at a more extreme level, right.

Yes, very much. So, like it's sometimes really unpredictable and just yeah, a lot of stupid decisions have been made because.

Though they're not stupid, they're not stupid, they're decisions that we just made along the journey and they are what they are, and we're just going to deal with it. Let's get into the questions, because I have about a million questions for you, but as Jess always eggs, us on, got to wait to the second half of the show to ask the non structured questions. Isn't that right? Absolutely? So let's begin money, Daris, Could you tell us a little bit about your money story.

Growing up, I was really privileged, So in the Philippines we were kind of in the upper middle class bracket, so private school education from primary to high school to university. Yeah. So my dad has always been the one to say, hey, treat yourself, basically, like, if you have some money, you can afford it, treat yourself. Meanwhile, my mother on the other hand, she was kind of like, you need to save more. So growing up, I've had periods where I'm

And just finding balance and what actually works for you. Sounds like a bit of a struggle, wouldn't that be along the right lines?

Yeah, very Yeah, it's really it's a big struggle because if I don't sometimes I save so much that I don't treat myself, or I treat myself too much that I don't save.

So yeah, okay, all right, money dires. Next question, what do you do for work and how much money do you earn.

I've actually just signed on a whole month contract as an EA or congratulations for a company in Darwin. But yeah, I earned fifty four okay thereabouts.

Cool?

That includes like a five cable and it's after the contract but it's also a part time role, so it's all cool.

So it's fifty five is it pro rata or is that how much you'll make?

Part that's so much I make.

Oh my gosh, how cool for a part time role.

And I don't do much too.

I won't tell you a bos. This is an anonymous good work. How exciting? All right, tell me about what your big money goal is at the moment.

I'm paying off my wedding. I'm getting married next month.

Oh congratulations, that's so exciting.

It is so paying off the wedding. And I'm trying to set up an emergency fund just so well, saying it fall back if things get worse again. But yeah, at the moment, it's just cashing up on the emergency fund.

But its smart. So tell me what an emergency fund means to you and your partner, Like how much is that? And how did you work out what you wanted in your emergency fund.

At the moment, I have maybe five hundred dollars in my emergency fund, but it's for just for my own comfort, I guess. Yeah, of course, because with BPD, I kind of get the oh, he's gonna leave me, or things like that. So it's just a few, I mean money for me to use if things go south in my relationship, which it will, but you know, just that backup.

It's always good to have a backup, regardless of what is going on in our lives. I think every single person should have an emergency fund, always, always, always, always, my friend, that's for.

My personal one, but for our shared one. It's for the pets.

Mostly for the pets mostly. I love it as a pet mom, I get it. How many pets do you have?

I have two cats and a dog just like you.

Oh my gosh, a coin we love it. Or next question, my friend, do you currently have any investments? I have like, oh my gosh, So, guys, we've had a brief intermission our money dirist dog has gotten up to try and leak the microphone and enjoy money diaries. She's very excited though, very sweet. Yeah she is.

She's still a puffy.

She knew you were talking about her. She's like that emergency fund for me, mom. Yes, all right, so talk to me. Do you have any investments?

I have a few, like three hundred bucks in comceck for you ifs so it's just the pocket one and then I have Race.

Very cool and what led you to pick those platforms?

Comceck was just easy and with Combat it's like an easy way for me to get into the ETF market yep, because they have this like the sustainable one and then they have emerging markets and stuff like that, and I just found it a bit easier as a first step into investing. So yeah, went with that one.

Yeah, and then you have.

Yes Race just for the roundups. So just trying to get into get a feel of the market that way as well, because with ets you don't really see it. With the race, it's kind of there you have the graph and everything.

Yeah, yeah, airpic all right, next question, my friend, do you currently have any debts?

No? Personally, I don't have any debts. I'm helping my partner pay off his one, but I don't have any.

Oh what is that? And how does that work? You helping him pay it off?

It's more of because our finances are shared, so every like every time I get paid, and we have this account where we just put everything in and then we pay ourselves basically an allowance every fortnight. So that money that we put in our joint account pays all our bills. And everything, So it just yeah, you just share everything being so I don't know to explain it better.

No, no, no, that makes absolute sense. I'm asking just because sometimes when you come into a relationship and one person has debt and the other doesn't like it can be a sticking point or it can be something that's really tricky to have a conversation about. How have you had that conversation with your partner, Like, did he have the debt when you met him?

Yes, he had part of the debt when we met, but it kind of grew in the last two years because I didn't have a job, Yeah, and he needed to like finance both of us, and yeah, I wasn't doing very well during twenty twenty twenty one.

How good is it that you had such a supportive partner?

Yeah, how good?

Very lucky to marry him next month?

Like what, Yeah, I'm very lucky. He's he's been really good, really supported.

I love that for you, all right, Next question, my friend, do you use shop back when you are shopping online?

Yes?

I just signed up like a couple of weeks ago.

Oh. What was your first purchase, my friend?

Two pairs of jeans from cotton On it's good.

We love a good staple. And not only do we love a good staple, we love a money win on a good staple.

Yeah, I had a discount on it as well, so.

It was really good. That is an epic win. That's like a double money win. We love those extra all right. Next question is money dos. What is your best money habit?

My best money habit would be saving as much as I can with my allowance, so apart from our joint savings, I save some money from my allowance to go towards other stuff like gifts, Like I have a sinking fund for gifts so that I don't really feel put out when Christmas time comes around.

Hey, that's smart. I feel like not enough of us planned well enough for Christmas, even though Christmas literally just keeps coming up on the same date every single year. Jess like, yeah, I'm always under prepared. It is wild. And to flip that on its head, money DRIs, what is your worst money habit?

Spending too much when I'm not feeling great?

Talk to us about that. How does that happen, how is it facilitated? And what does not feeling great mean?

It's mostly when I'm really stressed that I can't regulate my emotions as well. So I've managed my BPD thankfully, and there are times when I just have days when it just goes from just up and down, up and down, and at the end of the day, I'm always like, oh, I need something to make myself just feel that little bit better. So usually spend a lot of money on food.

On food, I don't feel like food's the worst thing that can absolutely pick up my mood. What is your go to.

Ten nuggets up? Megis ten nugget meals our same queen.

That's the Jessica Rickey special. I know kid LAROI got the kid LAROI meal like I'm waiting for the Jessica Rickey meal. And what is in it is? It's a medium chips, It's a full fat, proper Maca's coke because apparently that's the only good type of coke. And then it is a six pack of nuggets. It has sweetened sour sauce. But the different thing here, guys, it comes with a source holder to put in your car so that the sauce can be help because jess has one.

That's how much I like nuggets sheholders, especially in my car.

That's who she's person. Guys. All right, last question before we go to a quick break, Money Diarist, if we forced you to give your money habits a grade, what would you grade yourself?

I would grade myself for C plus and why because I just have a lot of things to catch up on, just the finance side, just having those foundations I don't have yet, because I basically had to start over again this year.

It sounds like you're well on your way though, with a new contract, You're getting married in a month. There's a lot of right things in your future, and I want to ask you a lot about them right after this quick break. All right, money Diarist, let's get into the nitty gritty of it. In your story, you wrote into us and you said, I'm struggling with borderline personality disorder and this really impacts the way that I manage

So I Usually it's also called emotional dysregulation disorder. It's different from bipolar disorder, which you have manic episodes and depressive episodes. With BPD, you have both in a span of a few hours instead of periods of time, so it's really like a roller coaster. So that's one part of it. But there's also that intense fear of abandonment, impulsivity, self harming behaviors. But yeah, those are the symptoms I've personally been through.

When were you diagnosed and what was that process like for you? Because I'm assuming that you experienced all of these emotions and it can be really hard when you're going through that to take a step back and realize that that's not how everybody lives their life. What was that process like and how long ago was it that you went through it?

So I got diagnosed in early twenty twenty one, but it was my partner actually who pushed me. Was a few months after we met. He pushed me to see the school counselor because we have like free unique counseling in kindible and then I went from that and then going to the GP, getting diagnosed with anxiety and depression at first, and then I had a few episodes where

Wow, So an official diagnosis is not exactly the start of when it happens. Right, how long has this been affecting you prior? Obviously a diagnosis is just putting a name to something that you've already been struggling with, Right.

Yeah, I think it was in high school. If I'm thinking back, I think it was in high school. When looking back, I could see the little signs of it, but at the time I was none the wiser.

Yeah, it's very much that thing of I guess that's your normal if you've been living that way, And sometimes it takes someone like your partner or your fiancee to say, hey, like, I think maybe it's worth looking into if that is something bigger and broader. Since you have been diagnosed and it was quite recent, how has that knowledge changed things

Yes, I feel like I've been able to manage it lately, but it was I think late last year where I've started to feel like I'm on the path to recovery. Yeah, it was just really hard. Twenty twenty twenty, early twenty twenty one was really hard for me, and at first I felt like I was crazy because I didn't know why I was feeling what I was feeling like. There were times when I feel like I wanted to cry, but I didn't know why.

I just want to jump through this screen and give you a hug because I can just see how that impacts you in your face now and how challenging that must be. And I think congratulations on pulling through that, and congratulations probably isn't the right word, but I'm really happy that you are able to get to a place now where you can reflect on it and say that was really hard, but I am feeling like I'm on the way to recovery.

That's incredible.

Thank you. It's been hard work, Honestly, it's been really hard work.

And it's not easy work, and so many people just again it's like money, right, you just bury your head in the sand about mental health and don't ask for help. And the longer you don't ask for help, the longer you end up struggling with it. And you are literal proof that you can kind of come out the other side and it's still a struggle, but you know the tools and resources that you need to rely on that are going to help you throughout the day, right.

Yes, definitely. I come from a country that really has stigmatized still mental health issues. So even my parents don't know that I've been having these problems because they just brush it aside and they're all, you're making it up. So that didn't help with the diagnosis. It was when I accepted that are I'm not well that I started to heal.

Wow, that must be so challenging, feeling like not everyone in your sphere is on your team. Can you tell us a little bit about the tools and resources that you use that are really helpful, because I know that there's probably a lot of things that you've worked out that a lot of people could benefit from.

Yeah. One of the resources my psychiatrist told me to look into was Project Air.

Oh, I haven't heard of that.

I think it's from University of New South Wales. I'm not quite sure, but they have a segment where they have this lived experience as videos and like articles, and that really helped me see that with what I've been through, it's normal. People have been through it and people have come up the other side. So yeah, that was really helpful for me.

That's quite cool. So we'll make sure I'll do some research straight after this and make sure that the link to that is in the show notes if anyone wants to check it out. Talk to me about money management. So you mentioned before that you are quite impulsive. How are you managing impulsiveness every day when it comes to your banking and finances At.

The moment, I have different bank accounts, so I have this one account with up where I put all my allowance, so that's the amount that I have to spend. But the one thing that really helped me was putting time between me and my purchases.

We love to say it.

Yes, yes, I've been very good with it lately and listening to the podcast has also helped a lot.

Oh yeah, we get to be helpful.

Yes, it's us yes, it's you. It just it makes me feel motivated because I hear it every time I listen to you guys on my drive to work and while I'm at work. So it's like, oh, reminding me that, oh, I have goals, I have money goals, So I have to you do. I have to like be not really disciplined, but to keep my eye on the price.

Basically, yeah, oh my gosh, I love that we get to be part of this journey in really a positive way. Like to me, it is so special that you get to hang out with us in the car on the way to work.

I was just gonna say, I'm really glad we get to hang out with you in the mornings, even though we're not actually there. It's so silly that that makes me happy, But it makes me really happy to think of you driving in the car and us just chatting away like we're friends.

Sometimes it literally crosses my mind, like while I'm driving to work, and it crossed my mind the other day. So the other day I was quite unwell. I had laryngitis and I couldn't speak, so I wasn't on the podcast Money Dirist and Jess and George were on the pod and I hate listening back to our own episodes when I'm on it because I cannot stand listening to

Like?

I was vibing it, I was loving the episode. I was like, does everybody else feel this excited about it she's on the money episode? Or is it just me the idea that other people love our content as much as you know I did when I got to just hear it when it was Jess and George. Honestly, I just feel like we found our people Jess hundred, we found them and they are you Money Diarist.

I wanted to ask you, money Diarist, while we're talking about finances. Obviously you're an international student, not a permanent resident. How has that worked for you in terms of I know when I've personally been through the process getting psychology appointments and mental health that there are resources in place

For me, we had to get a student feaser. You have to have insurance, yes, so for the length of your stay here. So at the start, because I'm not on the student visa now, at the start, I had to rely on the student insurance, the student visa insurance where cheapy appointments are covered like everything medical is covered great, So I had to rely on the book bill and it's actually really good, but it's also very hard to claim, yes, But yeah, that really helped when I was starting out.

That is so good to hear, because I do always think about, you know, assistance with mental health needs to be as accessible as possible, regardless of where you're from, because, like you said, if you come from a place where it's really stigmatized and it's not talked about, that's an additional barrier to you, like you said, getting on your road to recovery, and you had to kind of work

Just I know it's hard, but just reach out because once you start reaching out for help, once you actually gain the courage to reach out for help, things will slowly get better. People will have resources, like they'll give you things that you can read through or things that you can use, resources that you can use, like, for one, I was referred to the Sexual Assault Resource Center and they've been really great help. They're also free, incredible headspace.

I love that, and I love that you're so well versed in resources because sometimes respect people and they're like, look, I just went to my GP and then I saw a psychologist and that was my process. And I don't have any external resources. But to me, having those resources is kind of like surrounding yourself with supporting friends. Sometimes you want to go out for a coffee with Jess and other times you want to go and chat to

Right, Yes, definitely. I have this list where all the numbers are put in, like my counselor from SAR give me the list because there are times when I can't reach out to other people, but I can reach out to them, and that has really helped me because they understand what I'm going through because like they've listened to other people who has gone through them as well, so they know how to help. It was a lifesaver.

Honestly, I love that, and I love that you've got a list. We can all take note from that and create our own lists of resources that just work really well for us money devis.

Thank you so much for being so open with us, because I'm personally super duper passionate about mental health and it's something that we're working in the background on talking about even more on the podcast later in the year, So I think that you have been a really great gateway for us to do that. And thank you for being so open about your journey. And I can only say that I'm so happy to see you thriving and working towards incredible things and coming out the other side

Are your pets involved in your wedding? By chance?

Unfortunately not, but we have this little okay pins, I got pins made that has their faces on them.

Oh my gosh, soud, So they are involved in the way exactly.

So I have one for my bouquet and one for my partners sush.

That is the sweetest thing ever. Ind I love it.

Well.

Unfortunately, that is all we have time for today, So just just before we head off, can you wrap the boring but important stuff?

Of course, don't forget guys. The advice shared on She's on the Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money exist purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or a financial decision. And we promise Victoria Divine and She's on the Money are authorized representatives of Infocused Securities Australia Proprietary Limited ABN four seven oh nine seven seven nine seven fortnine AFSL two three six