Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yor
the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
Let's get into it. She's on the Money. She's on the Money. Hello and welcome to She's on the Money podcast that makes personal finance fun, especially on Fridays. It's our favorite day of the week today because we get the team together and celebrate you our incredible She's on the Money community today, mister Gorici's going to be sharing
our favorite money wins. Our co host Beck is going to be sharing her favorite broke tips, and we're going to be helping to answer a cheeky money dilemma which is all about navigating a mortgage when you're a sex worker and something that you're leading into our dms about this week is the fallout of falling victim for Fomo spending, which I think everyone at this stable can relate to. Let's be honest and man, Bin done that my friends. Before we get there, though, we have started reading out
our favorite five star reviews on the podcast. Beck, what was your favorite five star review that you saw in our reviews this week? Cool? Okay?
So this one comes from Nat. She says, honestly, love this party has taught me so much about finance, helped me build confidence when making financial decisions.
And then the She's on Money.
Team honestly feel like girlfriends and your own circle of mates. We are your friends, so sweet.
We are just friends who haven't met yet.
Of course that's really cute. My one this week is from Fee, who said I've listened to almost every episode and I'm still loving it and learning new things every time. It has absolutely inspired me to make so many positive changes. Over the years, the podcast has evolved and kept fresh. The current format is the perfect balance. I love the controversial opinions on topics and the differing viewpoints of the team, especially Beck. More Beck airtime.
Please, Oh my god, Oh my god, that has literally made my heart race. You are so cute today warning you deserve a good day today too, Thank you. I love it all right. So I don't have a name for this one because the person who wrote in actually has a username that is binary code, which I really like, and I think what I'm going to do is translate that later. But I think they're sneaky. So here's the review.
Are you ready? It's so cute. I started listening about a year ago, and within just one year, the main difference it made was the confidence in my ability to change my financial habits. I had a mental block and was avoiding the topic of finances because I'm used to being a smarty pants at everything else loll. I felt embarrassed that I had this gap in my knowledge, and I thought it was just that I didn't have the
brain for financial stuff. Boy was I wrong. Because of the WayV and the team have made this content so approachable and relatable, I've been able to self reflect on my money story and improve my habits, and now I'm in a financially secure and resilient place. I've even passed on the info to my teen nieces and nephews and they've been able to set themselves up so well, right from the age of fifteen when they got their first jobs. You've done wonders for my whole family. The impact is
just going to multiply now. I mainly just listen because I like surrounding myself with positive energy and I love how you all interact and relate to each other. It's just so that's awesome. Thank you for everything is really nice. Yeah, that's really sweet. But did you write that? Yes? I love it. I feel like it has been such a good week reading through all the positive reviews, Like making finance fun is literally my favorite thing ever. But you
know what else is my favorite? The community obviously, Like this community is literally only cool because of them. So miss jessic Ricci. When it comes to money wins and confessions, what are you bringing to the table?
Alrighty, first, when this week I have comes from Sammy, who said she canceled her subscription to the Flow app after the free trial had concluded, and responded saying that it was out of her budget because it's about one hundred and twenty bucks a year. Yeah, it does get spano a bit expensive. However, Flow came back and offered her an annual subscription for twenty bucks. No, they did kind Yeah, so that I feel like is incredible.
And Flow is going to be like, why are you reading this on the podcast? We have this influx of people emailing well, I mean, flow, money, isn't it? Flow? You're probably going to get some new clients out of this. Absolutely flow too, So I get it. I like it.
There you go next, I've got no money win from Emily. It's a good it's a money needed, a good little fyi. Emily said she's been stocking up when period and general hygiene products are on half priced hail from chemists and the supermarkets. How we've spoken about how they run on that annual cycle because the Share the Dignity Drive is coming, yes, which is something that I know that we've all donated
to before. If you don't know Share the Dignity to you mandif I shout them out quickly, of course, I don't mind if you don't know. Share the Dignity are a great organization. They provide period and healthcare products to women who need it. Obviously, cost of living is hitting people really really hard. The drive starts in November, so what Emily's done is she's getting in early. She's stockpiling half price and putting it aside so she can then donate it once the drive starts.
That's sweet.
I know that we're all struck for cash, but if you do want to contribute, you've got a little bit of extra room in your budget. Maybe you want to spend your flybysts or your every day Rewards points on some.
Everyday rewards points would be perfect for that. And when I was going through the Woolies checkout the other day, I scanned my card and it was like, do you want to use your ten percent off on this purchase? And I was like, no, one must save it for a bigger purchase. But maybe that's when you save an extra ten percent off. Yeah, double down on the disc. Your self control is really something like i'd.
Be hitting.
Off now when my like total is like forty dollars. I want ten percent off when I'm at the supermarket spending one hundred and eighty bucks. Yeah, you've got to be You've got to be smart about totally.
So a great little reminder and a very smart idea from our friend Emily. Next, I've got a money loss and a money win from Melissa Money lost her fridge, carked it over the weekend rip Oh there's so expensive, so annoyed, and she lost all the food in the fridge and freezer to spend one point three k on
a new one, she said, money win. Though always asked for a deal, the worst they can say is no. They gave her an extra hundred bucks off because she asked them if they could, and they said yes, and then they got ten percent back on the total price through promotion.
Money win. And also like that hundred bucks they can go to water stock in your freeze all the food that you lost. I hate to think about how much that food would have been worth as well, because I don't know about you guys, but like if something's a little bit more expensive, like say we've bought steak and I'm like, oh, we haven't actually cooked that into the freezer. She goes immediately into the I'm gonna freeze it, Like I don't want that stuff to go to waste because
it's like a little bit more expensive. The broccoli that looks a little bit limp in my vegetable crisp bethough that never makes it to the freezer, So I feel like my freezer it's like the expensive part of my kitchen. Really, I want that to go to waste. There is also no worse smell than you're out.
Next, I've got a money win from Penny, who said she went to her favorite bar with a friend. They got a glass of winy. When they went to pay, the bartender said that somebody had anonymously donated five hundred bucks towards a venue wide tab, so they each got their glasses one for free.
Do you cute?
Do you ever fantasize about having enough money to be able to do it like pay you go to a coffee shop and say, hey, like for every service worker that comes in, like pay for their coffee for the day.
Should do that. We should do my dream. We should We should find a cafe that's local and do that for a day. We're like coffees are on sheese on the money. Yeah, I feel so fun. Yeah.
Oh I'd love to just like look across the bar one day and be like, I'm going to pay for those girls.
Literally reason creepy men in the bar, like I see you, Jessica totally tell her these drinks on me, and Josica's like, please send it back. I will not be accepting that, but thank you so much. Next, I've got the money from Christie who said she saw vd's real about the Core special and she signed up four days before they went on a trip, and they say fifty percent. Actually some meals at the restaurant and they got two free drinks.
They also told the accommodation when they booked how excited that she to be staying. Next it was their anniversary and they.
Got a bottle of bubbles on arrival. Oh my gosh, I love a mouthful that I'm about to go stay in Queensland. This is not sponsored, by the way, This is just us talking about a good money when I'm about to go stay in Queensland. And I literally made sure like three times that I'd put my Core membership in because I know that the place that we're staying in Queensland, there's like it's like kind of a resort. I'm going to get fifty percent off my meals, Like
I'm not missing out on that. I'm going to make sure that I have that. I've not only entered it where they asked me, do you have an a Core membership what's a number? I was like, yeah, I have it. But I also made sure I put it in the notes of my booking because I was like, don't miss this, just like rock up with a shirt with the like print my core membership number and be like did you see this?
Just in case, just and I know people are gonna have questions if they've missed the real So we did a blog post on it this week.
If you want to go there, that bit maybe is sponsored, but my commentary has not had no clue. Sorry a corps absolutely.
And then last of this week, I have one more money lost turned money again from Amy.
She lost her purse which had her open card.
In it, which is I think the Sydney We want to a Mikey and she said, spoiler alert, I will claim it today from the depot because a kind, harder person gave it in, which is very lucky. Thank you to that person.
But she's so nice.
She went to get a new Opal card and she was able to transfer the balance off of her old one. Oh that's so good, which was lucky because she had one hundred and thirty bucks on there.
So that's why you should always register your hot ak so like always register your public transport cards because if that's the case, you can cancel your old one and have the balance shift over you wrote the Lacy cash. Also funny side note, I was in Sydney this week speaking at south By Southwest with that so amazing. That
is really cool, actually elite. And I got a notification on the plane as we were landing from my bank and it said, hey, did you know you can use your bank card for public transport now, So like in Sydney you don't need your Opal card, you can just type your bank card. Yeah, but look at my bank shoving it in my face. You can only do this in New South Wales. Victoria hasn't caught up yet. That's so annoying because the other day I wanted to catch the tram but I couldn't find a Mikey because I
don't usually catch the tram. Yeah yeah, but you know what I mean, Like it was actually I walked, so it wasn't the end of the world. And it's like the biggest first world problem ever. But I was like, how much simpler would it be if I could just tap my Apple pay. Yeah, anyway, he's got to catch up. Come a Mikey, Come on, Mikey with Android. I just want to say, I just want to put that out there. You can with Android. It must be nice, it must be nice. I live in the cult that is the
Apple units there. Yeah, so anyway, tell me what broke tips have you got for us this week?
There?
Yes, okay, So this first one comes from Kisser. I love that kissing. I know that sounds like I'm made of yours.
Kisses are now waiting for me, So I'd better make this quick. So Kisser says, join bunch. This is through Woolwords. So I did google it because this one came in very very recently.
Yeah before.
It's just fresh, just fresh, and so I googled it. It looks like it's like taste testing free food, free treats through Woolwords. You have to join, though, and when I google it, it did say the right capacity, So keep checking.
Keep an eye on it, keep checking. Do try and join.
I feel like there are otherwise you can maybe just like email them and maybe go on a wait list.
So surely there's something like that. Corl's have an equivalent to I think it's called Cole's Circle. Okay, that's great to know Pol's circle. Kelle. We would like some free stuff, thank you, thank you. So I think that's a great one. If you just want some, you know, I will taste test a lot of things if you go. Do you want to try it? Yes? I do absolutely, the little bits of scroll at the bakery, I'm taste testing. They might be handing out stuff.
By Southwest, I'll take twenty.
So Tim Tam was a major sponsor of south By Southwest Parnetts, we love you, but we did make it our personal mission because you know when you go to a conference and then give you a canvas toach to collect all of your lip, well, we made it our personal mission to see how many individually wrapped Tim Tams we could fit in Jessica's bag. Oh and how many
did you get in there? It wasn't like we went making a real every time we make all someone because there are lots of people like all over the conference that had this. We didn't just go tip it. That's no fun. Like you can't just go and tip a whole heap of Tim Tams in your bag and be like ha ha. We could fit this many and if someone catches you, yeah, And we also had to wait until we were offered a Tim Tam. Yeah, So like they'd be like, do you want to Tim Tam And
we'd be like, oh, what a coincidence. We'd love Tim Town and then then hand us to Tim Taman, I like, sneak it into Jess's bag and then we're like haha, run away. And then another person and then they'd be like Tim Taman. You'd be like, wow, I have not been asked yet. Thank you so much. And then there was this one girl who I think quattoned on to us that was then near the entrance. I see that. We kept going in and out and she would look at us and be like Tim Tam and we'd be like, yep,
she knew. She knew. She's a girl's girl. She respected the hustle ife, I love it. She also saw us filming putting the Tim Tams into Jess's bag, and I thought she thought it was study. But she didn't see here, nor say she's blind, she's blind, heats or nothing. She was an icon. We can't remember what she looked like. We can't remember what gates she was on on. It's
don't ask, we will not tell you. But then when we got to the airport, our flight was delayed, so Jess sat on the ground and we tipped all the tim tams over it. Oh and how many?
How did you? We got like some twenty something tim tams, which is crazy considering we're collecting those one by one.
Now that's dedication. Thank you. That was a good broke tip. Thank you from Kisser. I mean, thank you, thank you Kisser. But also take free stuff from conferences. Yes, absolutely, that is actually a really good on. Okay.
This next one comes from Ben who says, go to this is like a Melbourne thing, but I'm sure there are equivalents in other states and things.
Go to Richmond Common Home, which is close to here. I had never heard of it. It looks like a cafe. I did google.
It looks like it just like your stand a cafe bakery. Take the bread home, so I haven't been there personally. This is also a freshy, so I haven't had time to go and.
Share it or something of that. But also, like what I mean, take the bread home, like from the table. This is what I'm yet to fact check. So like I do often go to a cafe and purchase bread and then I take it home, but I have to purchase it and there's no there, No, that's an exchange of money for good that is actually a transaction.
But from what I can tell, this is like free bread. And the fact that it's Common Home, I'm thinking, like maybe they're giving out free bread because.
After it's like done trading, like all the bread that they have after lunch while they're like shutting up shop or something.
But I will say that if you do go to like a bakery or a cafe. I was sitting at a bakery with my girlfriend the other day, maybe just go your friend. Do you have a good friend and day We wouldn't know, No, I never heard about it, but they were just like, do you guys want some free bread?
Take as many loads as you like. We're about to close, So whether how many loads and how many loads of breads did you take?
We actually only took two because we were that's respectful, but we really.
Wanted to take all of them. Yeah, that would have been me. And I've been like, thanks, nah, I'm good, I just want one, And in the back of my head, I'm like I wanted fifty.
So whether or not Richmond Common Home do free bread daily, like every single day, all day, every day, honestly, go to your local bakery when they're closing up and be like, hey, what are you throwing out today?
Can I take some love? How good is that? I love that? And what's your broke tip?
My one is we have mentioned before kind of like in the similar vein where trying YouTube your car problems see if you can fix them yourself, because.
More there have you been watching my videos on Instagram and now you're using that as your broke tep Okay.
This is I believe I'm doing myself hole because I'm saying I haven't watched your Instagram and.
It's it's very funny, and I think that everyone in now She's on the money community will probably understand this. But you guys, hear my voice twenty four seven. At this point, I probably would have blocked me on TikTok on Instagram, like Jess doesn't need more of me. She hears me on the pod, so like she hears me on the pod, then she hears me in the office, then she hears me on teams, then she sees me on Slack. She does not need more. And then I'm slide into her dms on Instagram like did you see
thistrictly voice memos? So that she can still hear your voice. Mate. We are on TikTok at eleven pm DM and each other, so if anybody else is on that side of TikTok, we're with you. Yeah, be done. I'll go there, especially now that you mentioned it. My phone's listening.
Yeah good, Yes, so I haven't seen it, but I wonder if it's what close to you or similar to what it was your youtubing was so right now, I obviously, as you guys know, I don't have a back window because someone broke into my car months ago.
What is your back window made of? Currently? Duct tape? It's duct tape? Yeah, that's nice, honestly, what can't it do?
Seriously, what can't it do? That was another broad tip. My cousin dact tape to a vacuum and she has a vacuum on an angle now but it really works. But anyway, exactly, duct tape does fix a lot of things. But anyway, my window is broken, my clutch is slipping, and you don't even know, Like, if you google the most niche and specific thing, YouTube will have the answer. So I've been quoted between fifteen hundred and two thousand
dollars to replace my clutch. But I bought a clutch kit for one hundred and fifty bucks, okay, and it is quite labor mechanic quid, yeah, thank you so much. And I googled two thousand and four five speed manual and this exact game. It came up exactly how to fix it. It's quite labor. So if I had the money, I would absolutely get someone to pay, because it's not like I'm being ripped off for anything.
I totally but it's just a very expensive thing to do. Yes, you're going to give it a hot crack. I'm going to give it a crack.
And basically my broke tip is that import anyone out there, if you have a car problem and you have the physical ability to maybe just have a look, then YouTube it. I promise it will come up no matter what your problem is. It will come up, no matter how niche, And just try that first see if you can find the little bits and pieces. And honestly, it's a lot of a lot of fun and extremely satisfying just getting in there and getting hands dirty.
Always can do it. How hard can it be?
If you get good at it, you should start like offering it to friends, be like, hey, if you need it replace like, I'll do it for like five hundred bucks, which covers materials and labor, which is like seventy five percent off for them, like that they'd be so but then like you like you can do you said it's fun. It's a little bit easy money.
Like yeah, that's actually a great idea.
Become like the French mechanic and do cheap services.
That's great. I love this and it actually plays into the video of mine that I posted on the internet that nobody's watched. So this week I replaced my wife. Funny story, Actually, someone stole my wipers off my car. My car's relatively nondescript, like it's not like I have custom plates or something, so like people wouldn't know that it's mine. But anyway, I got my one of my wipers stolen, which is arguably worse for me. That's super annoying.
That's rude. Anyway, So I got online because my dad has always said you can just do it yourself, Like why not. I ordered my wiper blades just from I think like wipe a Tech. Why wipe a Tech because my dad told me to order them from wipe a Tech And same thing back you're just key in your car. You're key in the model, the year, and it tells you what wipers you need to buy, and then you order them. They have like ten percent off or something on their website, so it ended up being super cheap
and you just clip them in yourself. It's just so easy. I also chopped up my water, did my oil. You can do all of that stuff yourself. You don't need to pay somebody. I just do. I find it so funny because I think the second that you go, oh, it's something on your car that needs feeling, we think that we can't do it ourselves. Yeah. And I was talking to our producer Emma the other day and she's like, oh,
car door handle broke. My husband just ordered a brand new one, you know, ten bucks or whatever it was. Ali Express does the job. Yeah. Absolutely, we can do hard things, really we can. We absolutely can. And even things around the house. The boys do it. I just can't get that real out of mind yet, neither can I. That's all I have. That's all you've got. I love that.
Let's go to a break on the flip side, we're going to be talking about our money dilemma, which this week is about navigating getting a mortgage when you're a sex worker and something you slid into. Our DMS about is about the fallout of falling victim to fomo spending, which I think everyone on the table can relate to. So don't go anywhere, guys.
Welcome back everyone. Let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
Hi, there, have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
Hello, I work casually as a disability support worker and a sex worker full service, and I'm trying to get ready to buy a home. But I have some questions around privacy with my home loan broker as well as my parents want to be involved, and I'm just questioning how can I keep this private. I'm doing the best that I can, trying to pay as much tax as possible, and putting all of my cash into the bank.
But yeah, I have to.
Be open with these things with mortgage brokers, and I don't necessarily want to tell them and my parents that I'm a sex worker.
Thanks so much. Bye. What do you reckon?
Beck?
I feel like you want to be the first cab off the rank to answer this.
Yes, only because I have a friend who is well was in a very similar position.
She now has home.
But it's not like organ news because she so she said, and this is like, really, this is secondhand information that I was was a while ago.
So I'm probably gonna butcher this.
But she said she is a sole trader, so she does pay tax, she has an ABN. But I don't know that you. I mean, I could be wrong, but you might not need to say what you do. You might just have to be a soul trader.
I'm not sure.
But anyway, for the six months leading up to it could have been three or six leading up to actually getting a home loan, she had to get a full time job to show that she had what consistent income that was through a different Nah. I don't know if that's that's the right wall.
That's like, I'm really saying nah, because like I've got heaps of clients who are sex workers. Yeah, I don't know if you need to be in an issue totally. If you're a sex worker, that's a legitimate job, Like it's just a job, and will address the other side of it. But if you have a job and you are paying tax on that job, and you are generating an income, and you can prove to me as your broker that you have a consistent income over twelve months,
I can get you alone. It's a non issue. I think the issue I can see where she's coming from, Like, if this is your job and you haven't told your parents or the broker, to be honest, I see that as a bit of a red flag, not because you have to tell your parents you don't, but more as a red flag get a better broker, Like I love the people that I work with and have the utmost respect for them, And if you don't feel like your broker is extending that to you where you don't feel
comfortable to share the job that you do. Like how weird if I went to see a finance professional and said, oh, I don't really want to tell them that I'm a podcaster, Like that's I would never want you to be in a situation where we're talking about money, talking about creating wealth, talking about getting you in your first home, and there's something about your financial situation that you're scared to tell me about. Yeah, Like, i'm your broker, it's my job
to protect you. If your parents want to get involved as a guaranteur, I would get on the right page with your broker so that they understand where it's coming from, because the banks may be going to ask questions, not because you're a sex worker, but because they might want clarity on oh, it seems like you get paid sometimes weekly, sometimes fortnightly, Like what's the deal? How does that work?
Like they might have just clarifying questions because it's a genuine source of income, right, But if you didn't want to tell your parents, I would be sitting down with your broker and saying, Hey, my parents want to guarantee my loan. I've told them that I do this particular job, or you know, I work in retail, or I do something else. Yeah, can you just not share that information? And they won't because more often than not, when you're working with a guaranteur, I don't actually need to share
information about the person they're guarantoring. I actually need to get a whole heap of information from your parents about the asset that they're using to underwrite your loan, and what they do and what their income is. Like, it's not so much about sharing your information with your parents. It's actually the opposite. It's about getting information from your parents.
So it's good to know. I would just find somebody like one of the Zella money mortgage brokers who just want to support you, Like I love a queen who's just paving your own path and getting shit done like iconic. Yeah, completely agree. Just what would you do? I've got nothing to haden, You're honestly like it, it's just a job.
Yeah, Like I completely agree. Like, I think you have to tell your broker. I don't really see any world in which you don't tell your broker, but you don't.
Have to tell you. Like if you came to me and you're saying that I really want to get a home loan, I'd be like, cool, what do you do? And then you're like, oh, well, my generating income, I'd be like, how, Like I need to make sure that that income is clean and clear and going to get you alone, and I'd like, I actually just don't care where it comes from as long as you're paying tax
on it. And I think that that's a really good point because in the industry, obviously there's like a lot of shame that shouldn't be there, there's a lot of judgment that shouldn't be there. But you need to find the right finance team that can be on your page, because hopefully if you're killing it, usually with sex work, it's the type of work that you need to make hay while the sun's shining, Like you're not potentially going to be able to do this until you're sixty five
and retiring. More often than not, I see this industry be quite short. If you're having the sunshine and you are making a heap of money and buying your first home, I want to make sure that we are structuring it properly, making sure that your cash flow is looking good, making sure that maybe I can get you into a second investment property that you can really solidify your wealth now, because like, why are you working so hard to not
put that money to work for you? Absolutely anyway, I just think that you should be getting the right people on your team. That are backing you instead of making you feel like, oh, I don't really want to share that. I get the parent thing. You don't have to tell anybody anything that you don't want to share. Yeah, when it comes to a broker, I need to know your stuff and I need you to trust me with it.
So if you're not trusting that broker that you're talking about, get a new one, babe, getting you out with the old in with a new. Absolutely. Are you guys ready for the DM.
Today?
All right, So here's the damn we got. Hey, she's on the money. I've been hating on myself a lot lately and need your help. I'm finding it really hard to balance my budget with my social life. My friends have been organizing lots of group catch ups for dinners and birthdays, for example, and I get serious fomo and I feel like I have to say yes to everything, but every time I spend way more than I'd planned,
and then I'm left scrambling to cover my bills. Last weekend, I ended up spending half my bill budget on a night out and now I'm really regretting it. The problem is also I feel uncomfortable saying no to plans because I can't afford it. How can I break this cycle and still have a social life. I wonder if this is me that did you like have a few too many drinks right into your own show and then forget that you did it? Yes? Why, Yes, that was me.
Anytime anyone asked me to do any too many soda waters, I just cannot not do it, you know, And then I end up sp all the money that I maybe had plans to do something else with, you know what I mean.
Yep, But it's relatable, like this is not something that you know only you're experiencing. Lots of people are like, Oh, my friend's birthday is happening, I'm gonna have to go. I just think and I feel like we say this a lot if your friends aren't kind of like understanding or kind of making you feel comfortable in a situation where like you can't actually spend money maybe on a birthday present, maybe on dinner, maybe on all these things.
If they're not making you feel like it's okay to still be present because your money is not who they're hanging out with, it's you. And so if you go like, I'll always go to dinner if I can't afford it, then either someone will pay for me because they're like, hey, you're not just gonna sit there and do nothing, Like.
I'll be like beck, get in the car totally, totally.
I'll let people know in advance, are like, I'm really broke you guys, So I'm gonna come, but I'm gonna eat first, or I'm gonna come and I'm gonna order I'm.
Just gonna have a drink, or I'm gonna have it on a tray, or we're gonna pick at everyone else's dinner, which is very annoying. Are you a seagull? Like you go and you just steal a chip? You're like, I am. I don't want to be a scam. Sometimes I am, but people don't always like I never finish my meals a restaurants because they're always so big, and I'm always saying to everyone, hey, like do you want to eat
go halves on something? I mean, I don't think the strategy is go and expect other people to pay it for you, or go and scab chips. But will always but I like the audacity You're like, I'm going I just I will be eating your tube and I carry that your presence is the exactly.
It's just a felt like bonding with your friends and just chun ship and that you know, just like having a good time, good time and like As for gifts and stuff, just honestly I think gifts.
Oh my gosh, actually that's so funny. I have side note, we will answer this, but have you guys seen the absolute junk the Abby Chatfield is getting online at the moment because she posted that, you know, this whole idea of paying to go to someone's wedding, Like, you know, if you go to someone's wedding, there seems to be this unspoken rule of you know, covering what it would have cost the bride and groom, which I think is unhinged and absolutely not Like I could go on a
massive rant about this because I think it is wildly inappropriate to have an event where you expect someone to pay for a gift or pay you for attending your event, like that is my wedding that I have chosen to have anyway. Complete side know, I'll probably go on a rount on TikTok or something about it at some point soon, but she's getting so much crap. Is the presence of you being there not the present. I agree, I agree,
and I don't. I know, there's lots of cultural things, right, Like, there's lots of layers to this, And if in your culture giving gifts makes sense to you, fantastic. But at a base level, no human being should be expected to part with their finances to appease somebody else.
If your two options are deep and completely like uncomfortable anxiety about money, or just not see someone that you really love get married on the biggest day of their life, like arguably one of the biggest days of their life, if that's very important to them. You know what do you choose?
Like you're like loos like lose lose, Yeah, And I just don't think sho put that pressure on someone you know, who's just mind their own business totally. Anyway, back to fomo fomo spending back Apart from scabbing chips, how are you tackling it or should be asked, yes, yeah, honestly, that's it for me. I just think that that's it from me. You should probably scab some chips, scab chips, talk to your friends, just try and show up and you don't you don't have to spend money, be you
that's why you've been in finance. Actually, no, I was going.
To say, send your money to someone else. Want to be friends that you really trust, And that's what I've been doing, sending it.
That's a terrible idea. I know that. Okay, I'm not sending money to friends like I cannot guarantee somewhere or or let's just get good at budget cash flow. I'm going to teach you. You have me. I'm going to put you in the best possible position. Yeah, we're going to do that. It's a better idea, But I do do not give your money to a random person, Jessica for most spending, how are you dealing with it? I'm going to give you a bit of.
Tough love and just say deciding to spend money on dinner or drinks. As much as I completely understand the desire to fit in in the desire like I fully empathize with that, As you said, we've all experienced it, it is simply a bad choice if you're compromising. If you go I can either pay my rent or pay for steak dinner with the girls. It's a bad choice to elect and that, like to me, that's very black and white. I know that's very harsh and very mean.
Do we need a tough love though, to kick us in the right direction.
I don't mean to be mean, but genuinely, I think I understand, and like, as I you know, you all know, I have had debt myself, and I've been there, and I totally get it, and I think you genuinely have to do some internal work to get past that. I think it's generally speaking, deeply rooted in your psychology. The culture of your friendship group as well, I think contributes
a lot to that. And I understand that it is sometimes embarrassing to say to somebody, Oh, I'm really sorry, like I can't afford to do this, or I'm going to come, but I can't get a round of drinks for everyone if you're all taking turns or whatever that looks like. I understand that you can feel a little bit like, oh, like everyone else is doing it and I don't want to look like an idiot.
Yeah, And then you make it worse in your head, and then you don't sleep the night before.
The anxiety builds up and builds up and builds up. But I think the two things that you need to do, the groundwork are one being open with your friends and the people around you, because if they love you and they are your friends exactly as Beck said, they're going to find they just want you there. They don't care.
I didn't invite you for dinner because I want to send you into personal debt. I invited you for dinner because I think you're cool and I want to hang out more.
Yeah, absolutely can find ways to participate in that, as you said, whether it's electing for just a small startup, or splitting with a friend, or even just having a drink. Like I know that it's not as fun and it can make you feel a little bit ostracized. But if you really can't cope with the feeling of missing out, then your options are find a way to do it affordably, or let's do a little bit of work and be okay with missing out on things.
Sometimes.
I know that I'm a real introvert, and so it probably comes a lot easier to me.
You're like, oh, no, I can't go. That must be so terrible. Yeah, Sam's front door and runs back to the couch, jumps in blanket on fuzzy socks. Cat online. You're like, oh, yeah, no, V I'm crying. I'm really sorry.
But I think like there is also something to be said for being comfortable enough in yourself and in your friends to go okay. I get that they're going to have fun, and I'm happy that they're going to have fun, but also like, if it's not on the cards for me this week financially, I can have a good time by myself, or I can have a good time and have a friend come to my place and we buy a three dollar bag of popcorn and we watch a
movie at home and we do something that way. I think like finding ways to still be social but not spend a lot of money is probably striking the right balance. And as I said, like it's hard to hear, but it requires a bit of work on you and why you're responding to the way that things you know that you are and why you are feeling these ways, and like sometimes that means go on a therapy, or sometimes that means just like reflecting a little bit on what's
triggering those feelings and thoughts. But yeah, ultimately I want to say, as someone who has been there, it is not worth putting yourself in a financial pit because you don't want to miss out on a good time.
It's just not It's genuinely not I say that with love. I don't know. I'm sorry you really mean Jess is literally the last person that's going to be nasty me. On the other hand, when it comes to love, I also think it's about shifting your mindsets. So saying oh, I can't afford that is very different to that's currently
not in my budget. And I think that we need to be empowered by these conversations of making good money decisions, because future you was going to thank you being able to say, oh, that's just not in my budget this week. Like it's so like and we've spoken about this on the show before. Beck you mentioned it maybe like two or three episodes ago on a Friday, and you said, I hate when someone says, oh, i'm broke, I'll have
to dip into savings. And you're like, well, that's not relatable at all, because when I say I'm broke, I mean I have four cents in my bank account and I literally can't do it. I'm not dipping into savings. And I think that it's about articulating things clearly, Whereas Becky, if you said, oh, that's not in my budget. That's kind of alluding to maybe it's not in the budget that I've allocated for those activities this week, or it's not in the budget because I'm saving for a holiday.
Like it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to open the can of worms of sharing your entire financial life. And I think that when we talk about personal finance, it can actually be as personal or not personal as you want it to be, Like I could have and I do. I have these conversations all the time with you guys. I talk about spending, I talk about my values. Nobody at this table, nobody in our community knows how much I earn, how much I spend, exactly what I own,
and exactly what I owe. None of you know that because that's a boundary that I've drawn and gone, well, actually, that's just not stuff that I'm willing to share on the show. And there's a number of reasons for that, one of them being because I know that a lot of what I do is not that relatable. Now I'm at a different stage, and I have been there. I've been in forty thousand dollars worth of personal debt when
my income was sixty thousand dollars. I could not sleep because of debt, because I had FOMO, because I wanted to study overseas, because I wanted to buy a car that I couldn't afford, because I wanted to go out for dinner with my friends. So I know you because I was you. So when I'm giving advice, it's not because I'm now in a good financial position. It's because I had to pull my socks up and get myself out of that debt and start saying no to things.
And by being able to say, I know, to things, I was saying yes to opportunity and yes to being in a little bit more and you know, even being able to be given the space to think about my career, to think about what I wanted to do. I just ended up in a better position because I finally started sharing my journey and saying to my friends, Oh, actually I can't do that, Jess. I need to save or I need to you know, put some money into my debt,
or I need to do whatever it is. It was scary at the start, but do you know what happened. It was like a snowball. I started getting out of debt, but at the same time I was collecting stories from friends where I'd be like, oh, for example, Jess, like, actually I can't go out for dinner, like I haven't been sleeping well because I've got this debt and it's just really stressing me. Someone like Jess would have turned around if we'd been friends while I was in debt, like,
oh my god, me too far out? Do you know how empowering those conversations are when someone goes, oh me too, like I can almost guarantee that because humans usually keep the same company, right like Beck, I'm assuming that your very close friend group, similar values, similar morals, just same me say, the second you start sharing small things, it gives permission to other people to share their small things.
And instead of me going, oh, Jez, like, we've got you know, Stef's birthday dinner soon and I just I don't know how I'm going to afford it, Oh my god, there I was thinking the same thing. Those conversations can become empowering, and I know that they feel like trash at the beginning, because you're like, I don't know how Jess is going to take this. I don't know what she's going to say to me. Maybe she'll judge me I promise no good friend is going to judge you,
and I live and die by this quote. No one doing more than you will ever speak less of you, and if they do, they're out. So that's where I will leave that one powerful but literally, nobody doing more than you will ever speak less of you? So true?
What did everybody else say?
All right? So the community, we obviously said, what's your two cents? We said, do you ever fall victim to fomo spending? Fourteen percent of you unrelated content, Nope, I'm a budget queen. Okay, did you click.
That I have a phomo spender sometimes?
Fifty six percent of you said sometimes it gets me, but I'm trying hard to resist. Just click to that one, and twenty nine percent of you said all the time. The struggle is really real. I click that one. Then we asked what's harder saying no to fomo spending or the financial stress? Afterwards, thirty one percent of you said the hardest thing is saying no to fomo, but sixty nine percent of you said it's harder dealing with the financial stress after spending. The fallout is hard, the fallout
and it yeah, it deals with it exactly. So then we said, all right, give us your two cents. Someone said, do a sober month challenge with a friend. You're going to save some cash, increase your health, and it makes you get creative with your catch up ideas. Love it kind of cute. Someone else said, at the end of the day, your friends aren't paying your bills. It's true, true, savage. Someone said, the only thing we'll remember when we are old are the memories we make. Money comes and goes.
So true. Yes, that was me that someone else said. I give in, not from fomo, but more from fear of being perceived as cheap or stingy.
But let's tell you, I hate that that is a thing. Get rid of it, like be the cheap friend.
Maybe I'm the cheap friend.
But like I don't think that it's a bad thing.
No, not, absolutely not. I think it's been the smart brand, smart with money. Yes, like I think if we sat down and you know, you know how you sometimes tell your friends good things, like we've done this before, like a just remember this is so unrelatable, but remember when we had our dinner party in New York. So unrelatable. But we had a friends giving dinner and anyone could
do this right. We had friends giving and the plan was to have a really nice meal, home cooked meal together, and we went around the table and we shared things that we thought were inspirational about each other, things that were grateful for each other for and it was literally the most wholesome evening of my entire life in Entai night.
But I can always guarantee not one person if you had all your friends in a room, if we said, oh, what do we think is really great about Beck, not one person is ever going to immediately go bit cheap. Like They're literally going to say really kind things. They're going to be like, oh, Jess is really resourceful. I do not think of you as stingy or cheap. But then when you are like oh, v I could give you a list of examples, they'd be like, yeah, I
thought that was just you being smart. Yeah, Like I just thought that you were good with money. I just thought that you were actually intelligent and you were an investor and you're probably going to be richer than me, Like, is that not what's going on here? Yeah?
I've never ever with your any of my friends who are really really good with their money, I've never thought stingy, cheap time. But like, I think there's definitely difference between if you are the kind of person that is taking the benefits of what everyone buying rounds, but you're not buying them because it's not like, yeah, you're like me and still a n's just don't buy anyone anything. But yeah that those who are completely different what you know this person could do and what you're doing.
Jess is obviously uv extremely smart, extremely admirable.
Yeah, don't think things and not reciprocate, but you don't you can find other ways to participate.
Yeah, calling someone stingy is moreover a reflection of you and your values than of them and what they're doing. Like if I said, oh, Victoria's stingy, I think that just is a narrative that I've built in my head that maybe I feel stingy when I do something like that. But you never know someone's goals or motivations for doing something, like if Jess is like, oh, for example, you know you might call your friend stingy if they're like, oh, no, I don't want to split it. Equally, I actually want
to just pay for my items. You might think, or someone might think, oh, that's real cheap, but Jess might be thinking, oh, but Beck's not going to want to do that, so I'm going to be the one that speaks up. So she's not even the stingy friend. She just knows that Beck only wants to pay for her soda water and doesn't want to pay for my champagne. You know, so she's fair one hundred percent. But like
you never I know why someone's bringing that up. And if your default is thinking that Jess is being stingy by making that comment, Babe, that says more about you than it does about Jess's motivations.
Again, you need to do some work on yourself, do.
Some internal work, friend. Someone else said, and I thought this was really smart. They said, I've actually started a FOMO savings account. My goal is to get to two grand before I'm allowed to start using it. Ah. I like that she's like, oh, I'm really bad at her a budget gone. Someone else said. For me, it's not the pomo, it's feeling guilty for not being there. I feel like I've let my friend down. I get that. That's why turning up and having a little soda water
instead just be there. Absolutely, Like I was talking to a friend, this is so left or field. But I was talking to a friend about going to a first birthday and you all know I'm a new mom. I am very dad new mum. And I was like, oh, I really don't want to have to drive because it's like a two hour drive. It's a regional birthday party. And I'm like, oh, I really don't want to have
to drive. And she's like, like she would so understand if you didn't go, Like it doesn't matter, and I was like no, because people remember not the gift you brought. They don't remember the thing you said or your excuse. They remember that you were the one that turned up. And I want to be remembered as that friend. So just being there is the thing that's going to be remembered, Not how much you spent or what dinner you had
or the entree you ordered. No one's going to remember yeap Like, sometimes genuinely, I will ordered an entree because I'm a little garbage guts and I already ate heaps of food before I came out of the dinner with you. Beck like that might just be a choice because I'm not that hungry totally. Someone else said, I always choose to be the designated driver. I've fun with my friends
regardless of whether I'm drinking or not. Love that. Make sure your friends are paying you for petrolcause, like deserted driver is no longer the cheap option. Someone else said, challenge your friends to a month of no spend or only doing activities at home. That way they get involved to and save some cash.
True.
Someone else said, remember your value and your wife stay alned girlfriend. Yeah. I think that's a perfect place to leave it, because so true. Like we are such a values driven community, and like, let's remember our values. Let's remember what drives us and have some hard conversations so that everyone's life can get easier. Perfectly perfectly said. All right, well, I hope you guys have a beautiful weekend. I hope that you enjoy money diaries on Monday. Until then, we
will see you later. Bye, guys. Bye. The advice shared on She's on the Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the pds
TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria, Divine and She's on the Money are authorized representatives of Money up A, P T Y L t D A b N three two one six four nine two seven seven zero eight A F s L four five one two eight nine