Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yor
the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
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She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is beck Side and Jessica Ritchie joins me today because it is Friday, and today we celebrate you the incredible Cheese on the Money community. Today we'll be sharing our favorite money wins.
We'll be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma which this week is all about getting back to your savings goals after a breakup, and we unpack something you slim to our dms about which this week is all about the Guild for Spending when you set yourself the goal of a no spend month. Jessica Ritchie, how are you?
I'm good?
How are you?
Very good? Thank you?
But I feel like there's.
Somebody else we should ask how they're doing. Because of course, we have another wonderful guest joining us this week. We've got the wonderful Emma Edwards, who you might also know as the Broke Generation.
We are so excited to have you here.
I feel like I have followed you soever, so I'm very excited to have a online friend here.
Irl likewise back at you.
Yeah, great to be here. I'm so excited.
Yay.
It's been a while since I've been on the STM.
I was going to say, people who have listened for a really like og listens.
Will remember you were on season was it?
Season one?
Must have been season one? Do you know people still listen to that? People aren't listing shoes on the Money and you're in it, and I'm like, you're in the archives space.
A while ago.
It's really cool.
People when they start will often go back to out like our very first episode ever still gets down there, which is crazy because that's over four years ago now. So people are loving it. We thought it only makes sense to bring you back.
Thank you, my love this, Thank you so much for being here. Keep having me.
So do you guys want to chat about how you were explaining? Because that's usually how we start. Now I just want to I do want to say I wanted to know with you, Jess, because I don't know if you have context with this. But Jess recently finished a bad luck streak, which I think, hey, mo on to me, but we will get to that.
But anyway, Jess, how's your week been?
Bad luck Streak's not done?
I feel like I do feel terrible that I've passed on to you. But my car had some issues this week, which two grands later, Oh, wildly painful.
What was it? So the you're asking.
The wrong girl.
Something was leaking for sure, and also something. So I was driving and the it just stopped accelerating, like I was driving on a road.
My foot was on the floor and she just wasn't going, and.
I was like, oh no, Luckily, like I pulled over and thankfully I could get into an emergency lane and I just sat there for a bit and I turned back on and it was fine. So I got home and just like booked it right in. Clearly something was broken. They did tell me, I just don't remember. I'm not
a car girly, as I've said before. But yeah, two graind later, and it was extra depressing because I had I've just completed a partnership for like a brand campaign, and I was so excited because I'd allocated that money to something fun and now it's paying, which, you know, very grateful that I have that money to pay for the car. Super thankful for that, because two thousand dollars is so much money. But like I was gonna buy myself a sewing machine in.
A film camera.
I bought myself a defibrillated Well, no that's not a car part.
That's I bought myself.
Something to go into the car.
And my house.
Your weing feed, no touchwood, no car shoes for me. Currently.
We got in the current the end of last year. And like me because me and my husband Jericha, and we've like he regularly just like stops and he's like, my mental health is.
So much better than that.
We've got this car up because we had such an old cart that like the second it was above twenty degrees, you'd be like will it start. Yeah, everywhere you went you had to be prepared to be stuck there. So like we never went on day trips or anything because we're like, what cut of all together can bendy go?
Imagine?
So yeah, no cur isues for me in Touch. And I'm actually scared to say that because I'm so superstitious. I'm like, my car's not going to start after this episode.
Karlie Studio. You're looking forever, but.
Nothing like major bad luckwise, but I had a bad luck streak last year, so I am you know the feels, Yeah, I.
Really have the feels.
I've been like on the kind of tale of my book launch stuff.
So it's kind of like everything getting back to normal now.
But that's very good.
Yeah, and just for I guess like both mine and Jess's peace of mind.
How long did this streak? Class?
Okay, I cracked a mirror seven years ago and it's just so fun. It's hard to say because I don't know if you relate to this, but like there were like it was a series of unfortune and events. There was like a health thing that was like the health anxiety, and then the money and then there'd be you know, something else, or i'd lose a client or like a sponsored campaign would get canceled, and I'd just be like
it was just one thing after the other. But then it sort of it got so like embodied in my entire personality that I just got so sick of myself because I, I guess, through self preservation, I just started to expect the worst. I was Whenever anyone would be like Hawaii, I'd be like, wow, yeah, not great, and I was like, oh my well, I'm so annoying, Like
I'm just a black cloud for myself and everyone. So I flipped it like the last quarter of last year and decided to embrace this mindset that I call the Millhouse mindset. You know a Millhouse from the It's all coming up Millhouse. I was like I went into every week being like it is all coming up Millhouse, is all coming up my house, and anything that happened, I just like tried to you know, Bordline toxic positivity, but you know, we try. It was the depths of hell.
I just like tried to flip it somehow. Like I had to get like a scan on my foot, which was expensive because I had like previously broken it but then it ended up not being broken, so I was like, it's not broken.
Rather than being like that was three hundred dollars and it wasn't even broken. I was like, it's not broken. Yeamy, everything's great. It kind of worked, honestly, So like that, Yeah.
It's the psychology of at all.
And I'm excited to talk to you more about that because you touch on that in your book a little bit. But it's the It's totally and I think I've said as well on the pod because I've been on that street. I've said, oh, I'm being such a downer and I'm just not gonna be that person anymore.
Especially with money.
You really feel like, oh, well is me everything sucks every time anybody does on the thing, You're like, well it must be not.
Yeah, and everything seems so much bigger and more compounded.
So I totally get that.
All that to be said not to tend to track from your difficult week.
I'm not going to toxic positivity.
I've toxic positivity myself. So I wasn't fortually made redundant earlier in the month. And I think at first because I obviously like love this company and I loved my job, and I love the people, and but I definitely do not love you guys.
I'm sure there are people listening who just met, Oh my god, when's she leaving?
True, No, we should say, oh, sorry, yes I do. I have a video producer role. I had, sorry past tens, a video producer role, and then also was on this podcast.
But I'm staying here. But I just was made unfortunately redundant from that role.
And I think that, you know, I had no intention of ever, ever, ever leaving that role in this company, and so I was kind of like, you know, very sad. But speaking of like shifting your mindset, I have kind of been like, well, I was never.
Going to leave this place. Maybe, and I don't think that everything happens for a reason. I feel like maybe that's a really privileged way to think. It's more so I wasn't going to do it.
Maybe it was the world is telling me that I needed trajectory somehow.
I don't know. Anyway, for those listening, if you have a job going, let me know, but that's on that.
But otherwise I feel like the rest of the world, the rest of life is going great.
It's gone great, and you're.
Doing very well.
They've been made, I've been made, have done it before, and it just is an awful feeling. Like as much as it is so not a you thing ninety percent of the time, like, it just is not a nice feeling at all. So I'm really sorry that that's happening. But I'm very impressed with how positive you are.
Thank you.
That's so Nice's away?
Oh my goodness.
But anyway, speaking of that money loss, Jess, do you have any money wins to brighten up the mood?
Absolutely?
I do. We've had some good ones this week. Firstly, I've got one from Kaylor who said I did a challenge to earn an extra two thousand dollars on top of my pay in a week, and I achieved it. I took into account a lot of tips that I've seen through different pots in the group, and I'm really proud that I made it happen.
Amazing to rate in a week is wild.
Right now, give us a good point.
If I could do that twice, it would be fantastic. Then I've got a win from Katie who said Cadbury cream eggs were on special thirty three percent off stockpiled appropriately. I'm heading into the late stages of finishing off my PhD, and they are an essential And I just want to say that there's a lot of support under her post for how essential those Cadbury cream eggs are. We love that. Yeah, PhD,
good on you, I know, very impressive. Whatever gets you through, I think is just you do what you got to do, my queen. Next, I've got a money win from Jessica, who said great name. I realized on Friday that passed me had added money to my daughter's school payment app, so I didn't need to find money for a lunch order this week.
Oh I didn't even know that. Like that seems very high tech to me.
I all the like my mother enormoss re nor teachers and like the tech. Now I'm like, my kids get Uber EA's to school, do they?
Wow?
Wow?
Wow?
I remember our lunch order was literally a brown paper back wrote and you chucked the coin there and you hoped that none spilled and got lost, or you've been debt to the canteen.
They bring out the milk crate.
Oh my gosh, very cool. Well done past you for looking out for future you. Next, I've got money win from Lucy who said money win and delayed gratification. I've been running a particular French linen top from Witchery for a while now. It normally retails for one hundred and eighty dollars, but I just bought it on sale for fifty bucks. Purchased it through Quantus Shopping, so I got four points per dollar spend. So she also got four times points on that. It's like two hundred points huge.
Just goes to show Victoria's favorite thing.
Put what is it?
Twenty four hours between you and your spending and you never know.
And then next I've got a win from Cat, who said, yesterday was the last day of summer season at our local swimming pool rip summer. I'm so sorry. I don't know about anybody else mourning the loss of the sun.
I am very happy vascially, but I'm sorry for your.
Lost Thanks so much, she said.
They bought a season pass for one hundred and twenty five dollars for the family in December. They used the pas a total of twenty times, which would have cost them three hundred and eighty dollars if they had paid each time that they went in for an individual visit, so they saved two twenty five by having a pass to the pool which is about six bucks per session instead of nineteen.
Great.
I just wanted to say, I really like the idea of looking back at how many you use, because I think a lot of the time we all get sucked into like those passes that make things cheaper, or the bulk discount on the polarates sessions, or you know, whatever it might be, and you go, oh, that's a deal, like I'm going to get the deal. Then you don't use it and you're actually paying three times the price.
Yes, because that's something to be said when you do the parting with the money up front. Yeah, you don't have the like accountability like for some I think it depends on your brain works. Some people are like I want to get my money's worse, yes, whereas I'm a bit like, oh my commitment's kind of run out.
Now, yeah, like the money's gone.
Yeah, so it's like, oh, well it doesn't really matter if I go or not, which is.
Yeah, I know you mean.
Yeah, so really good good one from Cat. They reflect on those little bolt purchases if you do them, to see if you are in fact getting your money's worth. And then lastly, I've got a money win from Shani who said I did a live chat with Optus asking for a discount on my plan. The first person said that they couldn't help, but I just gave it another crack and I got somebody else who gave me ten bucks off a month for twelve months, one hundred and twenty dollars win.
This is my way.
I do this all the time.
They must have like a like dartboard with my face on it. I'm in the live chat regularly.
They never told me no, though.
I tell me no.
If they say no, just give it another cruy. Someone asked you, what's the harm?
They're there to help rat Now now we have been asking our guests when they come on to share a little money when not a confession of their own.
If you happen to have one.
I do excellent. It's kind of a money loss, but then it turns into a money win.
It's okay, quite a journey, the journey love it.
So.
A couple of weeks ago I went up to Sydney to do like a speaking thing, which was obviously like heavy on the anxiety for me because I do a lot of panels, but like I don't do a whole lot of like keynote speaking. So I was super excited to do it. I was prepared, but I was like practicing a lot. I practiced and got so anxious about practicing so much that I did not think about an outfit. And I'd been so busy doing other stuff with my book.
I was just like on the morning of, like I was flying up the date before, So the morning I was flying, I was packing my suitcase and I was like, oh my god, I haven't though about what I'm gonna wear. Like this has to be it was like in a corporate setting. So I was like, this has to be a sleigh. And then I was like, okay, I'll wear this and there was just cat hair all over it. I couldn't find my roller.
I tried. I put it in the wash, it came out. I was still there. Okay.
So time was a ticking and I was like, I need to do another go over of my presentation. I was going to record it on my voice memo so I could listen to it on the plane. I had it all planned out, and I was like, right, I'm going to make the executive decision that I'm going to have this hour to practice my speech. And I will find something to wear when I get to Sydney. I took something obviously, I didn't go with absolutely nothing. I
took something I could wear, but it wasn't ideal. So then I get to Sydney and I scramble over to like Anhelam country road. All that stuff's trying to plan something. The loss is that what I ended up finding. Like, there was lots of things I could have worn, and there were sales on at that point, so it was great, but lots of stuff not in my size excel girly not a lot left. Usually a sleigh because most people
aren't buying size, but not this time. So I ended up getting a dress and like a little sleeveless jacket that all up was three hundred dollars. I know, money loss, but I was like, whatever, you know, it works out for what of being paid for the thing anyway. So then I'm getting ready the next morning and I'm like, this is a sleigh. It was kind of worth the money. I'm actually really vibing this jacket. I'm gonna wear it again. I realized that the dress is like malfunctioning, like it's
it's faulty somehow. But it doesn't matter because I'm wearing the jacket. So I'm like sick. So I go back in after I've already worn it to the event because I had to, because I had to run off and go to the event. And I was like, this, I think is faulty. I don't think it's meant to be like this, and she was like, oh no, it's not. Let me give you your money back. So I got to wear perfect and then I got my money back.
Yes, so good, really said I had your back on that one.
Yeah, it was really coming up millhe for me, because yeah, it was really. I didn't want to.
I was thinking, I first about one hundred and fifty, this is fine, it's something I can wear again. But like three hundred, I was like, whereas now, like the jacket was fine, it was half priced, it was pretty good, but I didn't.
Have to pay for the dress.
That's so good.
And do you feel like you would have not worn it again? It was like one of those things that you I mean.
I would have, but it was faulty, so I couldn't have. Really, it was like a weird, rushing thing that wasn't going to be doing. But you know, I was a bit kind of like this must be faulty. It wasn't like abundantly obvious that it was faulty. So it was a bit of a shame. But like I didn't I didn't need it, needed it worked out.
That is so good. It was a journey pray for a faulty dress, I think.
And if you're calling out in your kind of stress and you go to like some sort of event, I'm going to a wedding suit and I'm going to pray for fault held everything, just like a tiny fault that you can't really see with the untrained eye.
Yeah, but enough to.
I broke for thenk we always.
I love how we always find a unique way to segue into my brogue tips and that that was actually perfect. Okay, so broke tips for this week. As always, I do have one from the community, one for myself and am I. If you're comfortable, we'll get you to share one last you if you have one ready, Yeah, amazing, amazing, Okay, here we go. Okay, So the first one from the community comes from Bridget who says that Continental Mushroom cup
of Soup makes a good cheap pasta sauce. Just put some olive oil in a pan, add one or two sachets of soup, then stir in milk with a fork until the sauce is as sick as you want. You can also add cooked mushroom or chicken, but it's good by itself.
With pasta, that's great. That's probably like a.
I don't know, I'm doing quick math here, but maybe two dollars fifty meal, you know what I mean?
Yeah?
Good?
This is like a subreddit of this is you use it with rice and it's a risotto.
Oh yeah, someone did mention, did you we've had that before one?
I think.
She also recommended the cup of soup, which is a great idea because.
They're really good for like office lunches. But like if you ever look at like the nutritional info of soup, like it's giving keytost tart a pack, like there's no calories, which for me, you know, I need like a decent meal. I'm hungry me. So it's like I love, especially in winter, soup is so good, but there's not real It's not really enough, whereas bung ins and microwave rice perfect.
You pay your.
Desk, it's non perishable.
I was gonna say that's a good one to have, like in your pantry.
It's just like the weeks that you're really skinned all the weeks, all the nights.
So you just go, I can't be bothered. Chuck a cup of suit, chuck of rice.
Yeah done, dangerously close to ordering a bery.
Yeah.
Perfect, that's a good one.
The shift though, from like scrolling on uber ey, it's to me like I'm just going to coming home. The mental shift is really a struggle. So congratulations to anyone that has successfully done that. Okay, so my personal brod tip.
I don't know if you guys, this is probably more.
Of a Melbourne based thing. I do apologize for anyone listening outside of Melbourne. Hawthorne have a cinema called Lido Cinema.
Have you guys heard of this one?
Well, if you sign up, if you become a member basically and to my knowledge, it's free, you often receive either in your inbox or you can just like jump on their website.
There's usually like.
One dollar tickets or really just really really cheap things that they're giving away.
Every couple of weeks or so. You might find that you have like a one.
Dollar ticket in your inbox and I just I think that's a great idea, especially if you still want to, like if you are broke but you still want to kind of like go out and do things and you know, have fun like the rest of the world. Like you can do that with leader and I'm sure there's an equivalent in other states and territories, but just have a little pruse.
But anyway, that's me. Ever, I would love.
To hear your broke teap if you're awesome, Thank you so much.
Well, so I had one that's like a saving step just that I've been using recently. Yes, that has just been very helpful for me. So last year I bought tickets to Teleswift Ears tour obviously, of course, and I also bought tickets to see Simple Plan because besides my personality just one day, because so I got a Simple Plan. Yeah cool, I'm into it. But the Boys Like Girls is supporting.
Oh my god. I loved Boys Like Girls when I was a teenager, so good.
And I saw them last year in a show that had been delayed from like twenty twenty I think. And the friend I was supposed to go to she couldn't come anyway. She was like they're supporting some more plant Let's go. So also did that and also in the third dimension of my personality where I'm like the most basic bitch of all time, I also bought Coldplay tickets.
Yeah, I love it.
I just can't.
I just can't explain it. It's good, but I was like, ooh, okay, not loving these. Like you know, with tickets, you've got to be so immediate, like you've got to be on it because you can't be like I'm going to think about.
It like a six minute timeatting down on the.
Screen, stressing and like that makes you want it more as well. Right, So what I did at the start of this year is every week I'm just kicking fifteen dollars into which you know, maybe I should be doing more, but that's kind of where I'm at in terms of the people I think I might want to go and see.
I'm not like crazy into artists, into a separate saver called I will not be bankrupted by concert tickets, so that when tickets drop, either got all of the money or I've got some of the money and it already worked. Because I don't know if anyone follows Christopher Hall on TikTok or Instagram's a comedian out Okay, he's coming to Australia and I was like, oh my god, I really want to go, but like they're the ones that will get you.
Yeah.
So they're like fifty sixty seventy dollars. They're not that expensive compared to eras for example, but like it adds up. And I had the money there and I was like, this is so good because I'm not like, oh I want to go but I can't afford it. Oh I bought them, but I feel really guilty. Like I was like, got the money, let's go, so excited. My friend's got her ticket to So saving up for stuff before you need it is that, I guess the umbrella tip.
I love it.
Yeah, that's such a great idea, and like things like that where it's like either maybe say you want to go to the movies once a month or something like that, just like putting that away so you don't feel so.
Guilty for spontaneity, commission to be spontaneous. Yeah, Oh I like that a lot. Saving up for spontaneous.
I love that.
Also another saver called Captain spontaneous, which is saving up for a spontaneous trip, because I really want to do that thing where you get let's just should we go now, let's go now? But then I always I'm like, because obviously I'm a finance caning, I'm obviously like a a better not or it's a bit expensive, or it'd be cheaper if we book it in advance, But then you
miss out on the opportunity to do so. It's like preparing for spontaneity, which I guess is not really the same thing, but we like financially safe spontaneity.
My god, I need you to go through my bank and just name my different savers.
Is so fun.
I'm going to start.
Those are the exact two things that I want to be saving. I just wanna be like sat on my couch one day and be like talking to my girlfriend and be like, hey, should we, like literally right now, go to la Yeah, you know what I mean.
That'd be so fun.
Anyway, let's go for a quick break and on the flip side, we're going to be discussing getting back to your savings goals after a breakup. Welcome back everyone, here's our money dilemma.
Hi, there have you got a money dilemma?
You just can't solve the She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
Hi guys, I have a bit of a money situation. I'm really hoping that I can get some advice on this situation. I have recently ended an engagement with my fiance as I found out there was a bit of an infidelity and together we had some really good earned savings.
And we had quite a lot of goals for our future.
However, I've been single for now, just going on six months, and I have burned a lot of cash to be honest, with buying things and just doing things that have brought me joy in this really, really tough time that I never thought i'd have to go through. And obviously I've been incredibly low and that's obviously spurred on me buying just things that I don't necessarily need.
So I would really appreciate.
Some advice to get back onto the savings bandwagon.
Any advice would be very very helpful.
Thanks.
Ah, this is such a tough one.
I mean, obviously when it comes to like money, I'm not the expert just by being on a finance podcast, but I would say to our listener firstly, obviously, and I'm sure you're doing this hopefully to some extent, but just you know, making sure that you're healing your heart and soul because a breakup is really, really tough and it's not the time to be I don't know about everyone, but for myself personally, when I'm like in a situation where I'm like going through a breakup and my heart
and my head and my body is just so sore and sad and empty and grieving, I'm not like, how can I make myself better today? I'm more just like I'm gonna set some time to be a little bit self destructive.
Not so much that I'll you know, come out of the other end and be.
Like, wow, my life is really messed up, but just more so like I'm going to do everything that makes me feel good right now, and I'll set a little timer for that, like this week self destruction week, next week, I'll kind of think about how I can, you know, move forward, but I think just like really just taking care of yourself and making sure your heart and your mind and your body and your spirit is being taken
care of before that. But you know, again, I'm not the finance expert and what you came me for and I've not given you any advice, so that's me. But do you guys have any better financial tips or anything for out the stuff?
Yes, I would say so.
I mean, obviously every breakup situation is different, and I'm to the listener, I'm so sorry you're going through that. Well done for leaving that environment, especially when there was an engagement, because sometimes that can be like, oh, you know, I'll just keep pushing on because of the pressure of what's coming up. So yeah, you know, being really kind to yourself on that sense, I think here there needs to be a sense of trying to stop yourself from
looking back. I feel like when you've had savings, not only you had savings and then started to spend them, but you've had savings in a completely different life experience to what you're now living. So I would imagine there's probably a sense of like spending can often be an attempt to regain control, which is probably what's happening, and that's okay, Like, that's a very legitimate way of doing that. You're doing it with savings, you're not getting into debt,
you're not putting yourself into like immediate financial danger. So probably first step would be, I would say neutralizing what's happened, because often when you've spent savings that in a way that you didn't intend to spend them, it's like, oh my god, I've got a scramble to get back to
where I was. Whereas actually that sort of like comparing a previous optimum state when you had completely different resources and circumstances at that time to where you are now and trying to scramble back to that, it's probably just going to make you feel even more out of control than actually foster the spending behavior even more. I would be looking at if this was like a friend that had said this to me, I would be looking at working on a progressive shift in the behavior and in
the mindset. So rather than being like, oh my god, I have to stop all of this right now, and I have to save one hundred dollars a week or whatever, you consider optimum. In the old circumstances, I would be thinking, okay, I want to work up to that, so start really small.
All I've got to do this week is put fifty.
Dollars there and then whatever else happens, that's okay because I've started, and then the next week build up, build up, And what that kind of allows you to do is gradually rehearse the behaviors that you want to practice over
and over again. Currently, it's obviously been spending living your life, regaining that control, probably flexing that independence, I guess, finding like the positive side of that awful experience that you've had so kind of rather than cutting that off completely because it is serving an emotional purpose for you, I would imagine shrinking it down and repeating that behavior of
building your savings up again gradually. Because the impulse is to want to like with everything, like I'm suddenly going to the gym five days a week. I'm now not doing that spending anymore. I'm saving all of it, like we want to course correct so quickly, but it just puts extra pressure on, especially when there's other emotional factors that are already making us feel more out of control.
So I would set like I'm a big fan of a six week sprint, but maybe not sprint in this environment, but like a six week build up where each week you focus on one different thing. You've just got one small action, and then that is your new one hundred percent. I do this with work a lot, but it applies
to money. Like previously, in your old relationship, when you had a double income and you weren't griving a relationship, your one hundred percent might have been saving that five hundred dollars a week, whereas now your new hundred percent is saving fifty, or is saving nothing but not using credit or whatever your circumstances are, and then building that up so that you're not putting the pressure on yourself to suddenly be perfect, and then you're kind of accepting
the situation for what it is. Your money is a resource that we use to do various different things. Right now, you're living your life a bit and you're spending.
It a bit.
It is what it is, totally, don't you know.
If we were being purely mathematical, yeah, you know, cut it off and put it in savings. But behaviorally you've got to be much more gentler on yourself in that situation anyway, and even more so because there's.
Been a breakup involved.
Yeah, I imagine it's also quite costly with the breakup from moving home and you have to buy PHN sure and all this kind of stuff you could bond down from new plays and what. But anyway, exactly, I totally go with saying I really really like that the six week walk.
I think as well also just recalibrating your goals. You know, previously, maybe you were hoping to purchase the house within you know, a couple of years or whatever that might have looked like when you had that jewel income. Just because you don't have that jewel income doesn't mean you can't achieve
those goals. I understand that it might feel very different because your financial situation looks entirely different, And as you said, am I, you're really navigating that around all of the emotions that you're feeling, which we know has such a huge impact on the way that we handle our money
and how we feel about our financial position. But you know, just because you're now doing it with one person instead of two, doesn't mean that whatever those big goals that you were talking about having, they don't have to go away. You can still save to travel, you can still save to purchase the house, you can still save to get a pet, or do whatever it is that you wanted to do, and you can totally do that by yourself
as an independent girl. Like, just because there's not two people doesn't mean that you have to change all of your goals. I think, as Emma said, like recalibrating what that looks like and maybe adjusting your timelines or making sure that it's really realistic and attainable so you're not beating yourself up if you don't get to where you
want it to be is so important. But I think also remembering that you're strong, an independent queen and you can totally achieve the things that you want to do. It just you have to be kind to yourself on the path to get there, I think is important. But I know that I'm someone who really does catastrophize and in a big change like that would send me for
a spiral, and that's also okay. But yeah, I just wanted to remind you that you can do whatever you set your mind to, and you really, I think with you're doing the right thing, Like you're thinking about what to do, which is even just becoming conscious of the problem is such a big step that takes a lot of people such a long time.
To get there.
So it feels like you're doing really well, and I hope that you're okay, because, yeah, like you said, back breakup so just the worst generally, like there's no good way to go about it, and it sounds like this one's been particularly difficult, and so I just wanted to send you some love and say you can totally do it, and we're all thinking of you. But absolutely I completely agree with that. I really do hope you're okay. If our listener is listening, I do hope that.
You you know, when I kind of like went through a similar thing recently, And again this is not financial, this is all emotional. But I had a friend who just said, in three months time, your life's going to look so different. In three months time, you're going to be so much happier, or in three months time, you're at least going to know where you're headed. And I
think that's really important. So just keep that in mind that your future self is having a great time, but right now I can totally totally empathize, So hope you're okay, okay?
Is everyone ready for a juicy DM?
Absolutely A listener has slim to our DMS with the following dilemma. So, I'm currently twenty days into a no spend month that I set for myself where I'm not allowed to spend money on anything except the essentials in brackets, bills, rent, groceries, shopping, et cetera. But I have already failed and broken this three times, making impulse purchases on a dress, a pair of shoes that were on sale, and a bottomless brunch
with my friends. I'm so disappointed in myself that couldn't even make it a month, and now I'm struggling with.
Big feelings of guilt.
I don't know if maybe I set the rules too strictly, considering this my first time doing this, and maybe I set myself up for failure for setting such high expectations, or maybe I'm just out of control. I need to address my issues with impulse purchases. What do you think? Any advice on how I can do this better for next time? Please help.
I feel like, Emma, you're so well placed to talk about this because you did a no by yeah last year on clothing which was so. I think I've spoken about this on the top before about how I found it so interesting watching you do it.
Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts around no Spend. I feel like no spend in general has such as there's so much to say about it, there's so many pros, and there's a lot of coins as well. So I last year did a full category ban of clothing, but it was still quite relaxed in that there were certain it didn't count, like I really knew what I was trying to do. I was really not buying outfits, Like anything that was outfits I would still have bought had it been the earstot I would have bought a merch
t shirt. I shoes were still allowed because I don't have an issue with buying shoes. I actually hate shoes. I kind of wish I find them really like, I don't over consume those again, bags accessories, if anything, I under consume them. I could probably benefit from having more of them to get more mileage out of my outfits. So I think that an option here would be to revisit the intention behind the no Spend no spend a bit.
Like we said in the previous dilemma like you have this impulse to be like I'm suddenly forever changed and the person I was before the start of this month. No, no, like I'm going to be perfect, and it sounds so much easier than it is. A month is a really long time, yeah, when you're actually trying to do something
for a month. So I would be looking at the intentions behind the no spend and see what the motivations are behind the impulse purchases that are causing you to, for want of a better term, slip up because it's creating guilt and it's probably creating like a domino effect of more purchasing, or it's creating a feeling of being out of control, which I said on the previous dilemma like that can foster spending as well, because it's the one thing that we can control in terms of the guilt.
What I would be doing with that is instead of seeing it as a failure, just seeing it as data. So what were the three purchases? It was a dress, a bottomless brunch, whatever, Yes, those things are now data points, so we can look at around those. What happened in the lead up was it that everyone was going for a bottomless brunch and you felt left out? Was it that the bottomless brunch was actually always there and you forgot? That's a different problem. That's a phomo problem or an
organizational problem. The dress was that like an emotional purchase. Were feeling a bit shitty about yourself that day that made you buy that? Or was it actually that you had an interview and you don't have enough workloads? Again, two completely different problems. Yeah, So by looking at it as data, it takes away the guilt, because guilt is very different to shame in that guilt has you like
regretting your behavior. You see the issue for what it is, and you're just constantly trying to change, but you're up against a brick wall. Having information and like taking action on that can help to dissolve that guilt because you're not feeling like, oh my god, I just need to change it, like you're actually in there working with the data. So seeing it as data points in terms of those individual things, but also I would see the month as a data point as well, like when did you find
the month easy? Did you ever find the month easy? What planning did you do? Did you do any planning? Like I think they mentioned did they set themselves up for failure, like what does that kind of look like?
What did work? What didn't work?
And then kind of using that to think, okay, where can I go as a next step, like everything is really just an experiment. You tried that, it didn't work, That's okay, we can move on. Maybe we do a category ban of something. If the bottomous brunch was an organizational thing, and actually you're like, well, I wouldn't want
to miss that, so there's really no point. Rather than waiting for a perfect month where the circumstances are perfect for you to do and no spend, we can look at a category ban, or maybe banning isn't for you, maybe you're more of a person that can work with having a small budget for something each week. I personally benefit from concentrated periods of focus in that context of a ban, because I'm very like hyper focus on the month or the year or whatever and or that category.
I couldn't do a no spend of nothing, but like the category selection helps me focus, and I'll put my all into it, and not just to complete it, but to learn from it, using it as a learning experience, rather than using it as an experience to get to a certain amount of savings, because even if like really, and I know this probably isn't what you want to hear at this point, but like really, getting through the
month is technically the easy bit. The hard bit is what happens next, which I'm experiencing now having brought clothes for a year. Trying to balance it is harder than not doing it at all personally for me, whereas if you actually, you know again, maybe a ban isn't for you, and actually you would find that easier. That was a
lot of information. Sorry, I hope that's basically, use it all as data about what approaches work for you and the surrounding circumstances around the purchases, and use that to redeploy into a new plan and then assess. Rather than that pass fail mentality, pass few mentality ruins almost every form of habit change.
Let's go there.
Let's sweeping statements every form of habit change. If there's an opportunity to pass or fail, it's not going to create long term change because if you pass, that means nothing about where you go next, and if you fail, that means everything about where you go next. Because you're disempowered, you feel out of control and you don't know what to do.
Whereas when you're.
Seeing everything as a learning experience and using all of the spends, successes, whatever, emotions, behaviors as data points, that helps you with where to go next, and that's what creates lasting change. Forget about completing the no spend month unless you've learned something. It's really irrelevant because you can't never spend anything ever again, And we don't want to villainize spending.
No, no, not at all.
And I think the failure thing is that you can fail something like it's not a bad thing to fail, Like anyone who's ever done anything had to fail before they succeeded.
Like you look at to do.
Anything ever, you know you need to collect the data, you need to do all these things. Exactly like you were saying, failure is just it just means you're making progress. Really like you've tried something, it didn't work, Okay, great, Like, how can we adjust it? How can we reframe that to then be closer to the goal next time we try. I think, don't let it put you off feeling like you've failed. I think, particularly with goals.
And I'm very.
Much guilty of this as someone who struggles a little bit with perfectionism. Is if it doesn't go the way that you want it to go, go, why did I even bother? Like, what's the point? And that mentality really stands in the way of you succeeding, you know, going, oh, I can't not spend money, so I'm just not going to try to not spend money.
And I'll just be bid by money.
Then it means that you're never going to be good with money, which you know you're standing in your own way with that mentality. And I think reframing exactly like you were saying, means that we can go, Okay, well, how can I adjust? How can I set myself up? I suppose to be more successful? And you know, whether that looks like changing the category or maybe you do two weeks, or maybe you do have the little saver like you were talking about earlier, where I'm not someone who does no spends.
They don't really.
Work for me, but I do exactly like what you do with the concert tickets I've spoken before. I have fifteen savers on my phone and I break down my spending into every little minute category so that I feel okay, I know what I.
Can spend within that category, and so I guess it's more.
Of like extreme budgeting works for me, and I think
recognizing not every system works for every person. You know, like my way would work for your way wouldn't necessarily work for me, and that is so fine, But it's just about figuring out what system does work for you to help you achieve whatever that ultimate goal was, whether it's raining in your spending, whether it's not consuming mindlessly on certain things, whatever, that looks like you can achieve that without necessarily having to do what you think everybody else has to do.
If that makes sense.
Totally agree to your point on goals.
If this person was in the room with us, I would say, what actually was the goal step?
Because I think with TikTok.
And seventy five hard and everyone being like, I just did no spend and like I've seen a lot of stuff recently now that cash stuffing is back, I just didn't no spend and like they've got all the physical
cash there. Yeah, And often when we make those big grand promises, we're just trying to absolve an immediate anxiety, like oh my god, I'm going to do that too, because you're feeling there's a feeling about something else and having that sort of future goal where you don't really have to do anything right now, but you've made a promise to yourself. It takes away that immediate feeling. But
usually that's what the goal is. Whereas, yeah, if you go what actually was the goal, often we go, well, don't actually know everyone on TikTok was doing one, Like was it to save two hundred dollars? Could you still save two hundred dollars and have the dress and the brunch and the whatever, Like maybe you did achieve the goal after all.
Yeah, And if that comparison culture thing, I think we see so many people sharing again their highlights on social media or whatever it is. You don't see the five times that they tried something and it didn't work before they complete it. You don't see the days that they skipped the seventy five hard or the days that they were miserable because they were I don't know, I don't really you know, they're walking at eleven o'clock at night because they're like, I've got to close my rings or
I've got to do whatever it is. Yeah, we're comparing potentially to other people's successes but your success can look totally different, and maybe that does just look like this month, instead of spending one thousand dollars on random things, you only spent on three things. And that's an improvement and
that's huge. Like that's a movement towards changing a habit rather than just a snap period that you then relapse into afterwards because you've deprived yourself of something and then when it's over, you blow out and you buy everything that you've been waiting to buy the last month.
Yeah, exactly.
I also think like, first of all, if you look back at every other month, if you only impulse sport three times, like, is this like actually quite an improvement in comparison to every other month, you know what I mean?
But also, you know that thing where.
You're like, I'm going to go on a diet tomorrow, or like, you know, I really hate die culture. Let's say, for example, I don't want to buy a muffin with my coffee every single morning anymore. And then the next day and for the rest of your life, the thing that consumes your mind, body, and soul is that muffin every single morning.
Because you're not allowed it anymore.
You've deprived yourself of that you're putting a hard band on that instead of being like I'm just gonna do this, you know, a couple of days a week or whatever, that looks like just putting such a hard ban and like going cold turkey on anything, like you won't even realize, but it all start to consume me, like, oh, that's right, I forgot I'm not allowed to spend any money, and that's all you'll think about, you know what I mean.
So I feel like it's a really hard way to do that.
Sometimes it does work for people, and that's like really really cool, but I find that like a lot of the time, if you're not thinking about something and then you put a band on that thing that you're not really even thinking about, then it's all you're going to
think about. So to slip up and I use that in quotation marks, like slip up in three times in a month, that's really really cool, Like the amount of times I've impulse purchased literally just this morning, it's probably at least three times.
So three times in twenty days.
Because I know you said you're at your twenty day mark now, like that's you know, congratulations.
Personally, I'm like, good for you.
But anyway, like what you guys are saying before about habits, I've been reading.
This book at Tomic Habits. Have you guys heard of this one?
Yes?
Incredible, So you got to, like, I think that a lot of people focus too much on the goal without like getting and this is you know, all in the author's words, getting your like systems in place is basically exactly what you guys were saying. Just like, if you have a goal, you must figure out how the heck you're going to get there and set it in such like crazy detail. Just be like, you know, it's not even I'm going to do this and this and this
to reach my goal. It's like at seven oh one am when I wake up, I am going to you know what I mean, just like look at every single thing and break it all the way down and then yeah, but you're also looking at the motivations behind those goals. Is also very helpful, so you'll get there. Just don't beat yourself up. You're doing a great job.
Absolutely what everyone else say.
See what the community had to say. So we asked have you done a no spend month before? Twenty two percent of you said yes, and seventy eight percent.
Of you said no.
Interesting, and then we asked, if yes, what were the guidelines for the month. One of you said, I still made it aligned with my values, so it could only spend on replacement clothes slash shoes, slash planned events, et cetera. And then someone said no unnecessary purchases for the month. Someone else said, I banned myself from food delivery services eg.
Uber eats. That's how to do.
I feel like that's a popular one.
That's a cure one.
A few people kind of like we're in the same boat where they were just like no one thing or no the other thing.
You know.
It wasn't like a full ban on necessarily not spending on anything but essentials, but yeah, I think that's the general gist. And then we said, was your no spend month successful? Forty four percent of you said yes. I was so proud of myself. Good for you guys. That's so impressive and very very hard to do. So fifty six percent of you said no, I think I set two strict rules for myself.
Question because success is such a subjective exactly, because how many you know of those responders, and obviously we can only ask you so many questions in a poll on a story, But you know how many of those people made it improvement because I would deem that, you know, a big success or how many of those people learned something,
because again I would consider that a success. Even if you didn't necessarily achieve the outcome that you set out with at the beginning of I'm not buying X y Z, having those learnings, have those starter points, is still putting you further ahead than you were when you started, which in my mind, that is what success is.
Yes, yeah, so true, which kind of reframes the whole point, right, as in, like, it's not just a month, it's it's actually way beyond that.
Yeah.
And like I'm a huge fan of a margin for error. So if this person the original dilemma had had a margin for error of three things, suddenly that failure is actually a success.
Yes, yes, I agree. Also, in the book Topic Habits, they say you need just over fifty percent to like path of vo to be like President of America whatever.
So orm's laters.
If you're gonna you know, and I still say this in quotes, if you're gonna slip up, just do it.
No more than fifty percent of the time.
And then we asked if the month wasn't successful, what did you spend money on that you weren't meant to. Someone said, I made one purchase of a Monopoly board game for the family as was on sale.
Fair enough, you got it, it was on sale.
Someone said food, another said socializing, and another said coffee and takeaways. I feel like these are things that we encounter so often, so it really is hard to kind of put a band on those, like food, coffee, takeaways, socializing, you know, fair enough, those are very very hard things to avoid. And then we said tell us your two cents. So one person said, be kind to yourself. You can always try again. That's so true.
I love that.
Another said, read the book Good with Money from Emma Edwards.
That wasn't me by that one came from Emma Edwards.
Trolling me.
Definitely, it genuinely was not from Emma. But that is an incredible tip. You prove that that wasn't from Emma and just take my word for it. Another said, go easy in yourself. No spend months are super restrictive and can be hard to maintain. Absolutely.
Another said, don't be upset with yourself. Try again.
Next month and see if you can beat those three purchases. Another said a month would feel too long, and that's where I'd fall down auto transfer and spend what's left. H We do you love an auto transfer in the town, which absolutely, but that doesn't usually with me. I go into the account that that auto transfer give us some of that back. And then another said maybe picking one category for a no spend month would help instead of going all or nothing, which is kind of what we
were saying before. So I really really like that. These are all great suggestions. I think, Yeah, just go back to the drawing board. Try not to be too harsh on yourself. Honestly, you've done a great job just spending only three times in you know, twenty days, So good for you.
I think it's a pretty good place to leave it.
One hundred percent. Thank you so much for joining us, em Ike.
If people want to find you or the wonderful and highly recommended book Good with Money, where can they find you?
Loved why She's on the Money, You can find me at the dot Broke Generation on Instagram and occasionally TikTok, and my book Good with Money is bright yellow in most bookstores, you won't miss it or you can.
Get it on all the majors Amazon, Booktopia, after Books, etc.
Incredible. Thank you so much for joining us. We had the best time and it was really fun to dive a little bit more into the psychology side of things.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you so much. All Right, guys, Victoria, We'll see you on Monday, Brighton early. Have a lovely weekend.
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