Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
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She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
Hello, and welcome to She's on them the podcast Millennials who Want Financial Freedom. Today is Friday, which means it is time to get the team together and celebrate you our incredible She's on the Money community Today, Miss Jess Garrici is going to be sharing some of the community's favorite money wins. We have a new segment starting which I am so excited about. Miss Beck say ed you have asked for your own segment. You said, Jess gets one, I want one. I did, and we are going to
accommodate that. So stick around and we will get to it very quickly. As always, we're going to be helping to answer juicy money dilemma, which this week, guys, a little bit spicy, is all about the cost of getting your eggs frozen, which is a little bit topical at the moment, and we're going to be unpacking something you slid into our DMS about which this week we're discussing splitting wedding costs with your partner. How have your weeks been?
My loves very good, very good, very good. Yes, Why what happened?
Well, I'm home now. I don't know if you remember, but last week I was house sitting.
Yeah, which is ill. It's mister Jean Parmesan.
Yeah, And so while I do enjoy living by myself, I'm happy to be back home with my housemates and sleeping my own bed.
Are you going to get a cat?
Like?
Maybe you should?
Are you?
You're sold on the cat?
I'm kinda in love with the cats, and I never thought this would happen, but no.
No, it's a slippery slope. I didn't think I was a cat person. Then I was a cat person. Then I had one cat. Now I have two cats. Honestly, it just keeps going on. It's just Gricci. Before she joined She's on the money. How many cats did you have?
No cat?
How many cats do you now have?
Two cats?
Exactly? The money effects exactly put on our producer and Alisa, you're not on Mike. Why did you get the job at She's on the money?
Cat?
Yeah, she had a cat and we talked about the cat in the interview. So Beck, it's actually timing stepped up.
Yeah, what the hell have I've been waiting for?
I really need to get a cat.
I don't know.
It's really disappointing. I'll talk you about this or fair later. It's just grechy. How has your week been?
It was good, nothing particularly exciting.
We had a staycation this week.
That back, we had a staycation. It was very fun. We did some planning, We had some sticky notes. It was all happening.
We are probably a kilo bag of Alan slowlies.
Yeah. I got sent to office works for stick notes and I walked out with a one point three kilo back of Allen's. I was like, this seems like an office essential.
Yes, it was business expense obviously, So we were very high on sugar. But you know what we've done. We've planned a lot of content for Shehees on the Money, and I am super excited. I was feeling a little bit overwhelmed with how much I was biting off, and I said, Jess, we need to lock ourselves in a room and get this planning stuff done. So we did, and now I'm super excited. So that was a good week. It's been a good week, guys, good week for a round,
but it's also been a good week for the community. So, Miss Jess Garucci, what are your favorite money wins from this week's thread.
My first money win this week comes from Teresa, who said, my girlfriends and I have been entering lots of insta competitions and we just won one hundred and fifty dollars bar tab at King's Cross Distillery and their full premale cocktail range, and I was just like money. You never hear about people winning Instagram competitions. You'd love to see it.
We do throw a few Instagram competitions on our socials and people literally win, So it's money win for everybody involved.
One hundred percent. At She's on the my aus if you want to four us the next My money in comes from Page, who said, my colleagues and I just voted to endorse our union log of claims for new Enterprise Agreement, and the pay rise for the first year we're looking for is seven point five percent. Heck, yes, this doesn't necessarily mean we'll achieve that, but it's a good start.
I feel like it is so important. I got canceled this week on the internet. Well, not really canceled. I just had a lot of people in my DMS very angry because I made a little piece of video content that said, if you're not getting a seven percent pay rise this year, you're actually financially going backwards. Where is the lie?
There is none.
Where is the lie?
It's the line the room with us right now. No, it's not, because it doesn't exist.
Literally, all right, you got?
My next money in came from Chavon, who said, I learned a great tip from a friend this week. We went to the farm's market, which I am notorious for impulse buying from. She went around and collected business cards from each store that she saw things she liked that so that she could purchase from them.
Lada, Oh, that's actually so smart and a good way of like supporting a small business so that there's a little bit more longevity. So like instead of just impulse purchasing something and being like, I don't know, I just got it at a market, you could like follow them on socials or like, I don't know, share it with a friend.
Yeah, how good, pass it along you love to see it. Next money min it is from Dana who said money win. Our city's zoo has free entry for kids for the month of May, so we did a family day out for Mother's Day yesterday, glorious sunshine, free kids entry, free parking on a Sunday, and the mothers were given a free gift of beautiful smelling candles.
Oh how cute awesome.
As my next money mining from Alisha, who said money win. I moved my emergency fund from an account only earning one point nine to five percent to one earning four point five percent interest genius.
I feel like, as much as the cost of living has been increasing and everybody is talking about how the cash rate is so high and our mortgages are costing more, do you know what this actually means? Fuss little savvy savers. The interest rate on high interest savings accounts. It's coming back, baby, you love it. We love to see it in incredible.
My last one for this week comes from Alissa, and I felt this in my soul. She said, money win, emotional loss not getting picked for the Australian Taylor Swift pre sale, and I just I'm right there with you best So sad, It's okay, Okay, I'm on Taylor Swift. TikTok and I keep seeing girls making their cute outfits and ryan stoning their boots and I'm like, I just want that to be me.
We will be going to Taylor Swift. I don't even care, like it's gonna be a thing. Becky, you're gonna come. Do you want to come to Taylor Swift?
I will come. If there are free tickets, go.
You all buy your ticket. You have to make your costume. Okay, that's the trade off. So I'm just gonna make everybody in the team come to Taylor Swift. Nobody else in the team cares about Taylor Swift like Jess does. I mean, I'm probably secondary to that, but like Jess og, we're going to Taylor Swift, going to care. Yeah, I want to go to Taylor Swift and watch Jess cry.
Probably she'll just.
Cry like jess is the type of girl that, like, I don't know if this is correct or not, because I'm just hypothesizing her dream proposals to be proposed to add a Taylor Swift concept. Oh that's Jessica, that's really coo oh that too. She would absolutely say yes. If Taylor Swift was supposed, I would be there. I'd be like, can I be the bridesmaid?
Can?
I don't care what you say, jess I know you would thrive on that energy like Taylor Swift live singing or you've got proposed to She's for the girlies. She's for the girlies.
All right.
Usually we go to a break right here, but this week and every week that is coming in the future, we will not be going to a break here because Beck, what are we introducing to the show?
Okay, so what I've thought about doing now is and also you know, this may change. It's not going to be a very strict sort of format.
But I started thinking.
This week it was the week before paid month pay cycle, and I had eight dollars and fifty six cents, and I thought, God, I wish there was some where for me to find like super cheap foods or some sort of access to like maybe some tips and tricks and how the hell to get buy on eight dollars fifty six. And you know, in my travels, I find really cheap foods and I find ways to you know, money, is it? Yeah, like instead of buying like a frank green drink bottle,
I'll find ways like do things cheaper. So absolutely, I'm thinking of just every week telling you guys what I did in the week to save a buck.
Yeah? Sweet, what do you want to call this segment? Like, I mean, you pitched it to us and it was as unhinged as that explanation, and we're like, you know what, if you want to do that, you can do that. We are here for it. Do we have a name for this segment? Like is there a jingle? Is there? Like how we introducing the sure so jingle is in the works. I'm thinking of calling it broke tips bex broke tip, bex broke tips BBT BBT if there is anyone listening who has a really really good broke tip.
Sounds similar to a money win, but it is not. It is in fact, it's not a money win. It's just a really good broke tip, really good broke tip. So you had two dollars to last year a month and you made a work let me know, send it to either myself bechsyed on Instagram or she's on the money at us. And in the spirit of brokeness, if you want to make me a jingle because I'm obviously broke to having zero budget, send it to me. You can send it me on Instagram at bechsayed that's BC
s y Ed. I would love to use that jingle if you want to put your own jingle. Yeah, okay, like I have a production team. You don't want to use them? No, no, you're not kidding to use them. It would be way better if it came from the community. It'd be nice, amazing. So we're going to do bex broke Tips or BBT every single week. Beck, are you going to kick us off with like a pearler? Like, is there something that you're going to tell us that's a good broke tip? Or you're just like eating us
nearly it's coming, it's coming. Yeah, I'm just actually I'm going to beat you guys till the end of time. And okay, you any tips, but no, I do have a really quick one. So this week I literally did have eight dollars and fifty six cents to last the entire week plus the weekend. So what I did was I went to Woolies. You can go to our you can go to Woolies, you can go to cheaper by miles. Why I didn't you go to Audi? It's obviously the more cost efficient option.
This is why because I was on foot, I couldn't buy petrol and literally had on foot.
I'm on foot. Yeah, closest place.
With a I'll allow it this time.
Okay, So a really cheap two dollar loaf of bread, really cheap home brand butter or margarine, and a really cheap home brand sort of vegimile or some sort of condiment. You're not trying to be healthy this week. You're trying to not die.
Oh that's a good tip. You're trying to do't be healthy, just don't die.
Yes, Sorry, Unfortunately you're gonna have to throw all that out of the window. I would love it frozen veggie if I could, but I couldn't. They're expenditually lived off of bread for the week. That's my broke tip of the week. If you can't afford food, loaf of bread will get you a long way.
That's true. How much is the cheapest loaf of bread? Is it still like a dollars?
Yeah?
Well I think I can't remember.
I think it was like a dollar fifty nine.
You see, that's a good deal. You could make toast from that. You could make sandwiches from that. Elie, absolutely good broke tip.
Beck.
I am hoping that the quality of the broke tips does increase over time. If you have a broke tip that you want to share with Beck, slide into her DMS and you might find it on the show. But now we are going to a really quick break and we are going to be covering the cost of getting your eggs frozen and splitting wedding costs with your partner. Up next, Welcome back, everybody.
Let's listen to this week's money dilemma.
Hi.
There, have you got a money you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
Hi, she's on the money. My money dilemma is I am looking to get my eggs frozen next month, and I'm wondering whether that would be better for me to put the cost onto my credit card as I don't currently have enough money saved at the moment, or if I should take up the option that the provider has, which is using zip pay, would I end up paying more over zip pay or on my credit card? Thank you?
This is such a good conversation to be having because I feel like so many people in our community, Jess, like we've had this conversation before. Like, if I wasn't in a position where I was actively talking about having kids, I think I'd go down the root of egg freezing. Have you guys done any research into it?
Not a lot, enough to know that it's expensive because I'm hurshling towards thirty and everyone knows the saying it's downhill from there in terms of your egg health, not everything else. But it makes you think about it because I go, I always thought I wanted kids, and now I'm like, I don't want kids right now. But then you go, oh, but what if I do later on? And Yeah, all of a sudden, things are really complicated.
You need to keep your options open.
Yeah, And I remember I haven't done anything like extensive research, but I did enough curseory googling to be like, that's expensive.
Yeah, it is so expensive. Beck, if you is this something that you're interested in or something you're like, BEHM, I think I'd consider it.
But I guess I do have a friend that froze or eggs and she said it was very expensive. So I just know realistically I'll probably never be able.
To afford it.
But I also don't mind too much whether I do or do not have children.
Yeah, that's fair. I'm not too fussed. That's fair. So if we look into it, it's an elective surgery, right, It's an elective process, which means there are going to be lots of out of pocket costs. The average cost for egg freezing is between four and five thousand dollars for an initial cycle, before medication and storage fees and a whole heap of other stuff. And the thing about that is going into that process. I think a lot
of people assume that one round will be enough. I actually have a few friends who have gone through this process and they actually had to do two or three rounds because what they didn't realize is they had low egg count or like the quality wasn't good and they needed to do it again. The process is actually very very similar to an IVF process, where you have the same drugs and you go through the same process to
kind of harvest an egg. And if you're going through IVF, it would be fertilized and you go down that route. But if you're going to freeze your eggs, the process stops there and they freeze it. Right. So between four and five thousand dollars I think in major cities it's closer to ten thousand dollars on average, just from conversation and doing some research. But then there's also storage fees.
So storage fees could be between four six eight hundred dollars a year depending on where and when you're doing this. So it's really important to have these conversations. So it makes sense that our friend who has a money dilemma has written into us and is like, how am I going to pay for this? Should I be putting it on my credit card. Should I be putting it on
zip pay because it's such a big cost. And the unfortunate part about this big cost, it's not like a car from my perspective, where oh, Jess, Well, if you want a new car, save up for it because the longer you're saving, the lower your egg quality. So the sooner you get this the better. If you've decided it's for you, So should you be putting it on your credit card? Ideally?
Not?
Should you be putting it on zip pay? It's not the worst decision. As I've said before, I'm not against by now paid later platforms. I'm against them letting you get out of control. But if that's a platform that enables you to have the freedom that you desire with no interest chargeable, then that might be a good payment plan option. Discussing payment plans with your provider could also
be really important. But what you might not know is that under compassionate grounds, you might be able to access your superanuation to pay for this. And now a lot of you might go but the I don't want to compromise my super. Yes, I get that. I do not want you to compromise your super either. But if we went and had a compassionate release of superannuation to help fund IVF costs because you meet the release criteria, which is very probable if you sit down with your GP
and have that conversation. Even a fertility specialist would be able to help you with this because they promise you, guys, it's not their first rodeo. But what we're going to do is treat that like a payment plan. We don't look at it and go all right, well I'm going to pull ten ground out of my super hahaha and worse off. Absolutely not. But you've just given me a
credit card or zip pay. And what might be better is if you then just sacrifice a bit more super and talk to your employer about, you know, doing a couple of one hundred dollars in addition each pay to get back up to that amount that you had before, so you're not worse off, but you don't have to rely on a different payment method. I think a lot of people just all i'madically assume that early super access isn't possible for egg freezing because they think, well, it's
not for IVF, like it's just like completely choice. No, that's not the case at all. It is completely possible to access super funds early for any type of fertility treatment. You just need to have a good conversation with your doctor. So given the circumstances, I don't have a lot of other context I don't have a lot of other circumstances to consider. But if you're saying my options are is it pay or credit card? I would be saying, hey, Beck, go down and see if the superranuation route might work
for you. I don't want to compromise your retirement at all. I don't think that that's smart at all, because who knows. You might be like Jess and freezing your eggs because you just don't know if you want kids or not, and you might not rely on it later. Who knows. But if you're someone who wants the opportunity to do that and you don't have immediate access to those funds, maybe supranuation is a good idea. And I'm telling you
this right now, Beck, Jess, you pay super fees. You pay super fees for a number of different reasons, but one of them is for advice. Pick up the phone, call your superfund high Australian super it's Jess. I would like to know what it means to get early access to my super under medical grounds. I want to understand if I'm freezing my eggs, what's this? What are the terms of release? Because there is going to be a certain criteria that you need to meet.
I e.
They might say, okay, Jess, to do this, you need two different doctors certificates saying the under compassionate grounds it needs to be released. Great, fantastic. You now have a plan that you can go to your GP and be like, hey, spoke to my superfund. This is this is this is I that makes sense. So it's going to put you more in control. I promise you your superannuation fund is going to know exactly how to do that and what
that means. Because some super funds might have different processes than others, so you can't just rely on the government website to go, oh the process is this? Because like one super fund might have a different form that you
need to fill in. Another super fund might be trying to be super compliant, needs you to get a secondary doctor's certificate, while someone else doesn't call you super fun and ask them for the advice that you are paying for my friends, So from my perspective, that is exactly what I would do. I think that's I hope comprehensive enough.
I'd avoid a credit card unless for some reason you're able to pay that off within the interest free period, which is usually twenty eight to thirty days, which I really doubt is the case.
Yeah, good advice?
Is it good advice?
I don't know.
I think it's just about education, right like in Australia. It's kind of cool that we can actually access that, but also we might have the funds we just didn't know we did.
Maybe that's something we can look into for a FUGE episode.
I would love to deep dive more into how egg freezing works, what it means, because there are just so many people in our community who feel overwhelmed by it, and it's not something that we openly talk about. I feel like fertility has this umbrella over it where it's still a little bit topicoal to talk about it, but also a little bit shady, like I don't know. I think we need to break down those barriers because I
don't even know the actual process, like what happens. I go to an initial consult and then what Yeah, I really want to know what that looks like, so that if I was in that position, I wouldn't feel overwhelmed going through it. Anyway, Let's move on to the next segment because I can't wait because we all know I am low key obsessed with wedding content, like my wedding wash November, and I saw I bring it up weekly. I'm like, remember the time I had a wedding?
Yeah?
Do you want to see more pictures?
Yeah?
Yeah? Do you know what we did at our wedding?
Beck?
Like, it's not even good content. Like, if you ask me about my wedding nine times out of ten, you know what I'm going to bring up? The chok tops at our after party.
That was pretty elite.
Yeah, Like, we had chop tops at our after party, elite content and popcorn rap for bed stunning. Yeah, we had popcorn and chop tops? Is that not your teeth?
Yeah?
But also like, is that not a really cheap way of feeding a crowd? I Hey, you guys are getting popcorn as a midnight.
SAT and I was loving every minute of it.
Look, we're not mad, but this week's community Dilemma spoke to me because I have some opinions and I think you guys will too, So let me read it to you. Hi, ladies, love heart emoji. My partner and I are currently planning our wedding. We are paying for it ourselves. However, we have different ideas on the budget and I'm finding it
really hard to navigate this. I've found my dream venue, and whilst my partner also likes it, he is an overly fussed about the venue and would be happy to have a more casual wedding, he believes the venue I want is too expensive and not worth the price. I've suggested spending more on the venue and less on other aspects of the wedding, but he won't budge. Regardless of cutting costs in other areas, he refuses to pay for that venue. I really love this venue and no it
would make me so happy to get married there. I'm considering contributing more of my own money towards this, and then in brackets it says we are paying for this wedding out of our combined funds, But then I feel like it's unfair that I've contributed more. Do you think weddings should be split evenly, especially when we have different money values on the wedding. Any advice over to you, guys.
I don't know. I a bit of a tricky one, like it is.
Did did she say how much the venue was? No, she didn't say how much the venue was.
No, So if we don't know how much is the venue cost? If it was like so out of their combined budget, then sure put in extra. But I mean, I'm not the best person to ask about this one because I obviously.
But you have your opinion is so valid. Oh, I think like I know that you keep saying like, oh, I don't know. Well, just because you're not getting married doesn't mean you can't have an opinion on that you're not getting married.
But also, if I were to get married, it would be with a female. So I'm assuming a I guess in like a I can't assume, but it sounds like they're in a maybe a heterosexual.
Yeah, I'm assuming it's a relationship. Why does that make any difference?
The reason why that makes a friend so confused?
No, but this is what I'm thinking.
The reason why it makes a difference is probably because maybe we assume that because men make more, they should be contributing more. But without that in mind, if we're not thinking about that, it should be split equally. I would say, but if you do want something that's completely out of budget, then put in the extra.
It's what I would say. Yeah, that's fair. So yeah, Jess, what are your thoughts on this?
I kin't want you to go first because I think we're going to have different opinions.
We're going to have different opinions. Okay, So I think that everything in life is a compromise. When you're living your best single life, it is all about you, my friend, Like you are putting you first. If you have made the decision to be in a consensual adult relationship that you want to move forward for the rest of your lives so much so that you want this ceremony to legally bind you to one another, I would expect you
to be on the same page financially. I am concerned when people say, oh, we're not on the same page when it comes to you know, money values in how this works, because I just go, well, what's it going to look like when you're buying a house, what's it going to look like when you have kids. What's it going to look like when they can't see your values in the same way that you do. I'm not saying that he should be spending more. I'm also not saying
that you should adhere to the budget. What I'm saying is you should be on the same page about this. And I am in a very privileged position where I have an incredibly supportive partner. And if I say, oh, babe, this is really important to me, he goes, You're really important to me, So how do we make that happen? If that makes sense. So it's not necessarily about me going, oh, well, it's really expensive and him going it's not worth it.
If I have said, look, this is one of the things about our wedding when we sat down and did our non negotiables, this one's the one that means the most to me. I know that Steve, my husband, would be like, all right, well, let's make it happen like for you, obviously within the realm of being reasonable. If it's completely unreasonable, he's going to be like, look, we can't really do that. But I'm the same with him, like I'm obsessed that he has his own hobbies and
loves doing those things. It would be really unfair of me to say, oh, golf is such a waste of money. I don't know why he spends any money on that that makes it well, that's his values. Those are the things that he loves, and as a part of our you could say, family budget, we allocate to that because I know how important it is to him. So I think going back to regardless of what it costs, I would hope that by the time you're getting married, you're on the same page about we should spend this, we
shouldn't spend this. This is where we are, and I think that it's a very big decision to make. I'm not saying, oh, you should get what you want, but there also should be some compromise from you might be your dream venue you wear my dream venue was jess Lake Como in Italy stole my dream venue, you know, But like we're on the same page with that, right, Like that is the og Like if I could have had Alake Como wet, oh my gosh, the vibe, the vibes would be insane, right, But for us, that just
wasn't feasible. It wasn't going to happen. And so the compromise of let's pretend for a hot second that that was the only venue I ever wanted to consider. Compromise means that you know, Steve and I could have made that happen. We obviously would have had a very different wedding to the wedding that we have. It might have been a completely different guest least, it might have been a million different things. But when it comes to compromise,
that just wasn't going to work out. So we kind of have to both compromise in a relationship, and I think that that's really important. So I guess from my perspective, i'd be asking not necessarily about the finances, I'd be asking about the value set, like did you actually sit down and say what are your non negotiables? Because I remember when I did this with my husband, he was like own a big party so far out. I would have been so happy to elope like I would have
been happy with a really small lux affair. Don't get me wrong, don't regret my wedding for a second. I adored it. But a lot of the conversation that we had was about making sure he was happy and I was happy, and we're both getting out of the day what we wanted as a couple. I don't know how I feel about you contributing more. If it's your values,
then maybe you can contribute more. But I don't in any way feel like if you say I really want to contribute more to get this item, that he should then have to do that too, if you had an agreed upon budget, Jessy, is that enough of me waffling for you?
Go?
Yeah, I've got my opinion. Yeah.
Well, I reason to say, is her not paying more? That is a compromise. My thought on it is this. If we flip the narrative and I use a stereotypical example of this venue, right, let's say she wants to get rid on like current. If my partner said to me, I want to get married at the MCG because I love football, and it's going to cost us twenty thousand dollars, I'd be like, I'm not paying for that, like flat
foot on the ground. Absolutely not Like if that's something that you are so like, I love you, I support you, that's not for me. Do I want you to have what makes you happy? Absolutely, I'm not willing to foot that bill.
I want to understand though. Let's dive a little bit deeper into that. Let's hypothetically say that your football loving partner, which just as your partner even watch football, No, that's okay, stereotyally exactly, Okay, all right. I was like, I really don't think this is company.
It's not a fives.
So let's say that the MCG costs twenty thousand dollars and then another venue that you happen to like cost twenty thousand dollars. Are you saying that it's not really about the venue, it's about how you're allocating the funds in line with your personal values. Or are you saying that I assume that the MCG is going to be way more expensive than another venue.
Yes, it's that. So I'm saying it's not so much about I like here versus there, it's I like here versus there, and within our budgetary constraints, it's putting in the same to use an example that might be.
More relevant to me, get married at the MCG.
No idea, man, you actually I don't know. Oh, I don't think if you have enough money.
Reducer reminds us that when you have enough money, you can do anything. So back to very true.
By the same strain of thought, if we had, you know, a wedding budget that we were adhering to, and I was like, I really want a fifteen thousand dollar wedding dress, and that's half our wedding budget. I would not be expecting my partner to give up everything that he also wants within that wedding one hundred percent so I can
have that fifteen thousand dollar dress. I feel like, in this scenario, potentially and obviously without knowing all the facts, her paying or contributing more so that she can have exactly what she wants, that is a compromise. And that's what you're saying, find a compromise. If that was the case, If I really wanted that fifteen thousand dollars Rescient was in line with my values and I could afford it,
that's the route that I would go down. Yeah, And I don't think that that is an example of them necessarily entirely not being on the same page. You need to be able to come to a compromise that you're both happy with, and it sounds like as of yet they have not. But her making that financial contribution is a compromise. That is an option, just as her deciding to choose a different venue or him deciding to give up something else within the wedding, those are all compromises
that are options on the table. I really like that, but I think if you are dead set on your guns, I want this thing, and I'm assuming that this thing is significantly more expensive, and that's why it's blowing out their budget. If you are not willing to compromise on that thing, I don't think you should then expect them to have to give stuff up so you can have it.
I agree, I think overlay, so I could not agree more with that. I agree that's the compromise. You spend more. I think the comment that's really sticking with me is and I'll quote it, but then I feel like it's unfair that I've contributed more. I think it's that level of I feel like it's a bit unfair that I would be, you know, engaging in this compromise. You don't
have to engage in that compromise. You could like just be within the budget, right, But I think, you know, let's hypothetically say Steve and I sat down and we'll use the expensive dress, like what was it, fifteen thousand dollars? If I wanted that and Steve goes, that's ridiculous, yea. I know that I would still want that, So I think that I would then go all right, well, I'm just gonna buy that for myself. That's exactly what I would.
I think that's the circumstance. I don't think it's unfair that after you've set a particular budget that now you want something above and beyond, they also have to go above and beyond. I think that you did the negotiating, you did the compromise. This isn't something that's actually outside of the realm of possibility for your wedding. There's a
few things that we could do here. So first things first, you could talk to your partner about being like, is it unfair that I'm contributing more for my dream wedding venue. I can almost guarantee that your partner would be like, no, because I don't see any value in it. And if you want it, you can pay for it, and I'm happy for you to do that, but like, I don't see any value yep. On the flip side, your partner could go, yeah, okay, I'll contribute more, but then where's
the value exchanged for them? Your partner could say, oh, I would love to, but like, this budget is already a lot. Maybe we need to push out the timeframe of the wedding so that the wedding budget can increase to meet the expectations that you have for this wedding day. But we also aren't under a lot of financial pressure for that to happen. Or we could just talk about well where could we cut back in other areas? And while they've mentioned in this message to us, you know
he didn't want to do that. I think we actually need to go back to the drawing board and wipe budget off completely and sit down and go back what are your no negotiables? Like why are we getting married? What's your dream day look like? And you might go a B and s what's the most important thing to you on that day? Yeah, have that conversation first, because I feel like we all forget to have that.
Yeah.
I I around swept up in it too, and I had to kind of like reframe Steve and I back to the start and I went hold on, hold on, hold on, what do you actually want? Yeah? And that's when I was shocked. I was like, what do you mean you want a big soccer club party?
What?
That's not what I want?
Yeah? And not everyone to be getting a level of what they want, Like I'm not saying that he should get exactly what she wants and she should have to compromise, or she should have to get exactly what he wants and he should have to compromise. There has to, as you said, be a quote unquote value exchange. You've got to meet in the middle. So it's like, how do you do that within budget, within timeframe, within all of
these things. And if you're not willing to compromise, do you care enough to go above and beyond and put the money in yourself? Is where I kind of sit on it, and I think that that's reasonable.
I agree. It goes back to a couple of weeks ago, maybe even a couple of months ago. I don't even know if you guys remember this. We're talking about the concert tickets. Remember how two friends were negotiating about, like, let's call it Taylor Swift. They were going and the normal Taylor Swift tickets, let's say we're one hundred dollars, but the really good seat it's we're one hundred and fifty.
And so the other friend wanted the expensive ones, and we said, well, the compromise is your friend wants to go with you their budgets one hundred if you want to do the one fifty ones, then you can either do that on your own or you can pay to upgrade your friends. But your friend shouldn't have to go above and beyond. No, I think if that's super in line with your values, that is your cost to bear.
But at the same time, I really think we need to talk more about values than where this is sitting, because I just feel like there's a lot not on the table. And as much as he doesn't see the value in the venue, what value does he see?
Like?
What is he most excited about?
Yeah, because you don't want to be going into a marriage with resentment either, and it's giving a tone of resentment to me like that. It feels unfair.
Yeah, I agree to me.
It's not even about the money. It's not even about who's spending more. It's about how you feel about these one hundred percent. It's probably something that you need to talk about, regardless of stunning compromise you make.
That's exactly what I've been trying to get to with the last ten minutes of conversation. Sorry that she should have just gone first. Yeah, absolutely, next time, next time we'll know. All right, Well, I think that is unfortunately always have time for today. Guys. I'm glad you've had a good week, but now have a beautiful weekend. We'll see you bright nearly on Monday morning for a money darry.
Do you then BUYE bye?
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