Discovering Deception & Moving On!

Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr

Let's get into it.

She's on the Money, She's on the Money.

Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money the podcast Millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another one of our money diaries where we get to talk to one of our incredible She's on the Money community members all about their money story. Let's jump straight into it, because this week I got a message and it went like this, Hi, Victoria, my story is a rollercoaster. I'm one of getting through six years of financial coercion in

Thank you for having me.

Oh my gosh, I feel like there's just so many questions I have, but we'll dive in with the first question. I always ask witches, money darist, what grade would you give you your money habits from an AA through to an F. If I asked you to give them a grade.

I would say a C right in the middle, because there has been so much change and I feel like I haven't quite gotten my decks in a room yet, but I feel like I'm on.

The way to it.

I love this. Let's learn a little bit more about it. Let's take it all the way back, money dis can you tell me a little bit more about your money story?

Cool?

So my ex and I were engaged, We're in a relationship from twenty thirteen to twenty nineteen, and long story short, yeah, lots of financial coercion and just compulsive lying about money. And I always had this uneasy feeling like why is money.

Always a conversation? Where is the money going?

Like from what he's telling me to what I'm actually seeing, it doesn't add up. And we will working in the sporting fitness industry, and we set up a business within a business, and for that we needed to buy a new equipment and we wanted to go on a holiday. So for some reason, I was like, yeah, we'll take out a personal loan of forty thousand dollars in my name.

But that's okay, because when you're in love and you trust someone, you immediately go no, let's make this happen totally.

I was like, this is my forever person. I will support you whatever exactly, Oh, forty thousand dollars personal loan. And he also needed a new count but again couldn't get a loan because YadA YadA.

So we were like, yep, we want to start.

A family, let's get like a full drysuv thing.

And so yeah, I can totally take out a.

Sixty five thousand dollars car loan in my name and run it through my business. So yeah, he was paying the repayments, but I would often get calls and emails and text messages saying your repayment's like, your repayment's late, and I'd be like, just pay it on time. It's not that hard, and that just became a bit of an issue and all these red flags from the state. So that's my number one thing is maybe just don't take out over one hundred thousand dollars worth of loans

Look, it's really challenging though, because I can see how it would have happened, and I think a lot of people might jump to the conclusion and well, that's so silly.

I can't believe you do that. Don't do it.

And I mean even you right now you're like, don't do that. But in the moment, you're like, well, this is my person. I love my person. We've got this life we're building together. There's some stuff in his past that's so fine. We're going to get through it, you know, to move forward and actually create the life we want. These are the decisions that we're making, and obviously they

And I'm assuming that's what you thought it would be.

Because when you've got those blinkers on, you just don't see what you don't see, and even though red flags exist, you sometimes just go, that's all right. Like I know some other people might think this is a red flag, but I know this person deeply because they're my partner, right They were engaged, so he's going to be here for the long haul.

Yes.

In the start of those types of relationships, it's all about confusing the person with words and beautiful gestures and stuff, so that when red flags do pop up, the person holds onto the hope of oh no, but their actual behavior is you know, loving and grand gestures and all that sort of stuff that the red flags just get overtaken because essentially you're just.

Confused exactly, and they did that on purpose. So tell bit more. You took out these loans, obviously repayments started being late.

What did that then lead to?

So once we separated and I moved into State, the personal loan, so the forty thousand dollar loan was down to about twenty five thousand dollars, so still a fair amount on it. And I in that time frame had also bought myself a car, but ran it through my dad's business because I already had a car through my name, which was my partner's car. And he offered to pay off that loan as well, which was only one hundred

Fast.

Forward a couple of years and I had my new partner and I'd fallen pregnant, and I still had this stress of this personal loan, and so I think by that time it was down to that seven thousand dollars, and I asked my dad and I said, I don't want this loan to be a debt. Can I borrow seven thousand dollars so I can.

Pay that off?

And my ex will continue to pay the repayments, and if he doesn't for whatever reason, I will cop that on the chin and I will just repay you that seven thousand dollars. So that meant I had no debts to my name, which was more important to me than the actual value of the money.

I just wanted that person out of my life.

Especially when you're planning a family and you're going to have a baby, like this is not where I need to be, even if it costs me more. I don't need this stress exactly.

So that was fine, And eventually it did get paid off when I was pregnant with my second child, so that it was really nice. To actually not have to fall into like a debt for a debt, so that finally got paid off, and with the car really, in hindsight, because it was technically mine, however, I was into state I really should have kept the car.

And sold it and just paid off that debt.

But I couldn't really access the car to get it, and there's no way he would have handed it over, and I didn't want to have to get you know, police and lawyers involved. So for me to get that loan transferred into his name through one of the big four banks took months of paperwork back and forwards, but he eventually got the car and his name and the loan in his name. So was his problem and again just not tied to me anyway.

That's so stressful though to have to go through. Was he really, I guess, defiant during that, not wanting to take it on.

Yes.

It got to a point where I think the amount of money was like ten grand that was floating around, and I said to him, why don't you just borrow the money off.

Your parents and pay them.

Back like interest free loan be paid off quicker, you know than like really ten thousand dollars isn't that much money? And it later came out I had a conversation with his family and he'd already taken a lot of their money and they didn't have any super.

Less and so of course they wouldn't give him another ten grand.

Yeah, so they physically couldn't. And then all these lives started coming out from people that he'd asked to invest in, these fake businesses that had lost money. And there were stories of him collecting money from friends of friends for someone's birthday present, which was out to thousand dollars, and then trying to run off with that money. So all of these really fraudulent theft stories started to come out about all this money stuff.

Oh that is so it.

Oh it's such a problem for this person. And how have they not been reported to the police?

So what's happening there so hasn't been reported to the police. Is he just still out there coercing people into giving them their money for these fake investments or how is he being held accountable?

I literally have no idea.

I think in the fine print of these investments, if you're an investor, you kind of sign a thing to say, hey, like if the business doesn't work out.

Like, yeah, you could lose any more.

To lose that money, I'd a couple of them call me and say like what do I do? And I said, just get a paper from your lawyer that says you're on going to be on a payment plan.

It might take a little bit longer, but at.

Least you get some more all of your money back, and he won't know that it's not going to stand in court because he can't afford a proper lawyer.

Yeah, exactly, Yeah, he's still out there doing it.

Oh my god, I don't know. That makes me feel sick.

I cannot stand stories like that, where it's just these people that take advantage of you and then just run off with it.

I mean, karma does have a way of coming around.

But my gosh, is that something that you carried into your next relationship? Maybe some anxieties or like some hang ups, or you weren't willing to share money in another relationship, Like how did that impact the relationship with your now husband that you're separating with.

Yes, so I never had joint bank accounts with my exx and I never have in a relationship. It's just something that I've never done because I've never seen the point in it, you're just really moving money across to somewhere for no reason.

So in that sense of things, there wasn't.

Really a conversation about it because neither of us said to one another, hey, let's do a joint bank account. My husband knew what was happening with the repayments and stuff, so we were very open about the money situation, but there was never a conversation of him to go, oh, well, let's do a joint bank account.

Anyway.

So I think always having that independence of having my own money has just stuck with me and I think it will stay with me forever. And I know plenty of long term partners that still don't have joint bank accounts. And I think that's really normal because you know, if we think of this is going to be really like negative. But if we think of marriages like a business, it's the same stats, you know, like forty percent succeed So yeah,

Yeah, no, that's fair, And I know that, like obviously, lots of people have different ways of managing it, and there's actually no right way. But it makes me so happy to know that your money wasn't as intertwined with this person as it could have been, Like, I feel like that put you in a much better position than what you came out as. Like, it's just, yeah, it gives me so much anxiety that this person is out

Exactly because all this money was disappearing and I didn't know where it was going, but then later found out like there was a substance abuse problem happening right in front.

Of my face. So no, only that, but then you've.

Got money shifting out to god knows where to fuel that addiction as well.

How did you figure all of that out?

Was there like a turning point in the relationship where all of a sudden you realized, oh my gosh, this is definitely happening. Or did somebody else bring it to your attention? Like how does this come up?

Somebody else brought it to my attention because they had seen the transactions happen. They'd been you know, messaged for it, you know, looking for it. And then when that light bulb clicked, I went, this is where all that cash is going, Him saying that he lost an envelope of cash from a client and fell out.

Of his pocket.

These people coming over to our apartment, but not coming upstairs, just staying downstairs and having a bit of a chat.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, him saying he was tired, and you know, just so many obvious things, you know, going to the bathroom lots and having this vague look on his face.

But I just didn't think anything of it.

Well, if you're not a substance abuser and you never have been, it might be something that you're going on. I don't I really hadn't thought about that.

And I also thought like in his honesty of the way he communicated with me, I was sort of like, why wouldn't you just tell me, Like I don't want to do it, but just tell me if you're going to go out or whatever.

That doesn't bother me.

Yeah, Oh my gosh, that is heartbreaking to work all of that out and have to go through that. I want to know now, I guess you've come through all of that you mentioned before. You know, you're currently in the midst of a relationship breakdown. But you also started a business in December twenty twenty one. Talk to me about what you do now for work and how much money you bring in.

So I am an Infant and Todd Last Sleek consultant, so I worked with children up to five years old. Previous to that, I was working in a school full time, and then with my first pregnancy that was a COVID baby, and we were in and out of lockdowns and sport just shut down, and I just thought, oh my gosh, I need something that will always be able to be around.

Oh exciting, Yeah, it's really exciting.

And so last financial year, let's take.

Into account that I had a four month old baby at the start of the financial year. Last year, it brought in thirty eight and a half thousand dollars.

Oh my gosh, how good.

Yeah, and that's only working part time as well, so I really it wasn't like full time.

So I think that's pretty good.

I think that's airpic especially for the first couple of years of business. And then you drop in, oh, by the way, I also had one child and a four month old baby, like that's killing it.

I was really proud of that.

And now that the kids are older and they're in care, I'm able to dedicate more time and effort into the business. I'm just about to do a rebrand all of this stuff, which has really going to freshen it up. And I'm so much clearer with it. Next financial year, I'm hoping to crack fifty.

But we just have to see how that goes.

And yeah, also like managing separation and working out, you know, being a single parent and what that sort of looks like in terms of income and expenses. You know, I'm still waiting on child support arrangements to come into place. That can take a few months, so I don't quite know what that looks like at this present time. I'm still yet to receive any money from my ex husband for the kids. So yeah, things are a little bit tight, but we are getting there, which is great.

And to be a little bit pervy because obviously this is something that does happen in our community.

Is relationship breakdown?

Was this amicable or is this something where you're going to have to argue a fair bit for child support?

Like what does that actually look like? Do you think?

For you?

So, it wasn't amicable, but it was explicitly talked about before I left.

So I'll just be honest. It was because of domestic abuse.

So I'm sorry.

Sorry, I'm in a much more.

Supportive and safer environment now with regards to the kids. The requests from the other party is fifty to fifty. But when you look at family law and what's actually more beneficial for the kids, especially because they're so young, like my kids are three years.

And almost one and a half.

Yeah, they need to be spending more time with the primary care because of their age. And then as they get older and your child support gets reviewed every six months, you can start to request more overnight stays with the other parties. So at the moment, we're still waiting for mediation, but I'm requesting that I have them eleven out of fourteen nights and then it will just look to improve, which is kind of motivating for the other party as well.

It's getting up.

I do really well for six months and I prove that, you know, I can have the kids in that capacity, that's got the next step for him to ask for an extra night or two, which is great.

Obviously I do not know nearly enough about your circumstance, but given you mentioned that the reason for the relationship breakdown was domestic abuse, I just feel like he is lucky that it's not you asking for one hundred percent of that, because that is a very real outcome that could happen, And to be honest, I feel like if that's the circumstance, the courts would probably agree with you.

Yes, exactly, because family law, they went through a phase of having fifty to fifty and then they realized that it wasn't in the best interest of the children, so they went back to the primary care having the majority.

Yeah, no, and it makes absolute sense. I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. It would just be such a shitty period. But I'm glad that you're in a better position and you're, you know.

Building it up.

You've obviously got so much to look forward to, Like, You've got goals in your business, and I think you're killing it. Like, I'm so excited to see where you go. The next question I've got is what's your big money goal at the moment?

What are you currently working towards.

Is it that fifty thousand dollars goal in your business or are there other ones you want to talk to me about?

Totally, So, one of my goals for this year was to buy a new car because I've simply outgrown my small little car and I pick up my brand new wheels.

I actually pick them up tomorrow. Mornings.

So got the car is a bit more symbolic now, I feel so with that car, I'll be trading in my old car. So the loan will be thirty four thousand dollars and I'm going to pay it off over four years with no balloon payment, and it's going to be about.

Two hundred and three dollars a week.

When that four years is up. I would like to also have a bit of a house deposit ready to.

Go, so that I don't have any current debt.

I can just go here is my deposit, buy a house, hopefully see what the market is doing. I'm in a really fortunate situation at the moment where there's no rush for me to move out of where I'm living, but that would be my big kind of future goal.

That's so exciting.

I feel like that's a lot of clarity for someone going through arguably a pretty tumultuous time new car, saving for a house deposit.

Is there anything else you're currently working towards?

I would say after the Christmas busy season this year, I would like to have five thousand dollars sitting in my savings account to kick me off for next year, because you know, as all small business owners know, January February is a bit of a quiet time, so that's sort of my short term.

Goal coming into the next sort of six statementths.

I'm loving this.

I can already see Money Direst, that you and I are going to have a little disagreement at the end of this episode, given you think your receive, but we can get to that a little bit later. Let's go to a really quick break and we will come right back. All right, Money Direst, we are back. I feel like you are killing it more than you're giving yourself credit for. I want to know do you have any investments. If so, what are they, If not, do you have plans for them?

Yeah?

So in my super I have sixty three and a half thousand dollars. When I was going through UNI back in the day for four years, I was a bit naughty and didn't pay into my own super as I was a sole trader. But as soon as you finished, I was back into that. So I pay about ten percent a month straight into my super.

So even though you own your own business and it's only just started, you're already paying yourself super.

Yes, I love this so much because I want to be able to retire and live a great life my other investments. So in my savings currently I have three and a half thousand dollars. I also have a micro investment account through Rays. I use that for my holidays, so at the moment there is seven hundred and twenty dollars in there. I also invest five dollars a week for each of my kids, so that when they're eighteen,

At the moment, I've got twenty dollars.

In there from little things, big things grow. I want to know a little bit more about investing for kids. You mentioned that you're investing five dollars each per week for them. Can you tell me what you're investing into and how you made that decision.

So my sister used to work for a bank, and I asked her about setting up you know, like a term deposit for the kids. She said, because of all the interest rate you know, variability, and you get taxed on the interests and stuff like that. She said, it's actually probably smarter doing the micro investing because yeah, there'll be a little bit of fluctuation, but she said, it's just a lot easier and you'll probably get better returns if you do that at that kind of small rate.

I love being pervy and being like, but how because I know that every other parent that's listening to this is like, oh my gosh, I've been meaning to invest for the kids. How other people doing it? Where do I start? I feel like it can be so overwhelming the next question I've got for you, my friend, I, Oh don't know.

Do you have any debts? If so, what are they?

I have never had a credit card in my life, and I would love to be one of those people that gets a credit card, uses all the points, and then refreshes the credit card every two years, but at the moment, I did not have the mental capacity for that. So the only debt I'm about to go into is the card debt of thirty four thousand dollars, which is fine, and apart from that, I'm debt free.

Oh how good. And I feel like the car debt that you're going into is a very calculated decision, Like the way you were explaining it to me, how clear you are that there's no balloon on this loan. Don't worry, it's two hundred and three dollars a week. Like this makes sense for me my financial situation. I feel like that's what I want to hear when people are talking about taking on personal debt to get themselves further, because obviously your current card is not serving you and you

Right, and you can have it as a total tax right off. So the petrol, you know, the repayments is completely run under my business, so it makes sense for me.

Yeah, absolutely, all right. I want to know next, because I feel like you've probably picked up a few good habits.

In your years. Let me know what your best money habit is.

So I've been using an expensive spreadsheet for probably twelve years and I track everything on it, so all my income, all my expenses. Then at the end of every financial year, I just shoot that off to my accountant and he does his magic. So I'm very aware of where all

With that, so you don't get into any big tax stats.

I always try to recycle clothes and goods, so I'm very thrifty on Facebook marketplace of donating and selling my stuff because you know what ten bucks is, ten bucks at all adds on. And when I do buy things, I'm doing it through either my micro investing at or my shot back apps, or at least I'm getting a kicker. And I rarely buy my meals and my coffee. I will probably buy a coffee once maybe twice a week, and I generally will go out for dinner maybe once a week, once a fortnight.

So I'm very very savvy on that fun as well.

Oh I love that.

I feel like that is really thought out and planned. Let's bring it down though, surely you have a habit that you're maybe not so proud of. What do you think is your worst money habit?

So I've actually never written a budget for myself, even though I have this beautiful spreadsheet that tells me all my ins and outs, I've never sat down and gone right, how much do I have to spend on all these areas? I think because my income's always been variable, so it's kind of hard to gauge that, but I think because I'm so conscious about money and know where it's going, I don't know. It just kind of levels that out. But yeah, never written a budget, woos.

I can help you with that, that's okay.

I will organize that for you after we finish recording.

So if I know that I'm coming into a big payment, I'll like spend that money before it hits my account. So at the moment, like I'm waiting on a six thousand dollar contract payout which is coming on the thirty first of this month, and I've already spent like four thousand dollars of it, so when it actually comes in, it's not going to be as exciting.

That's probably my other really bad habit too.

What have you spent the four grand on already? Are these things that you actually needed? Or are you just going yollo there's money coming in.

So when I moved into this house, there was a double bed and I physically don't fit in one, so I upgraded to a queen bed. So that was thirteen hundred dollars. I just spent almost one thousand dollars on new clothes because during this process, I've lost a lot of weight, so none of my clothes fit me, and I feel like I just needed a bit of a

Of that's a business cost though. Yes, yeah, those are definitely separate, but I feel like all of those things are very valid.

Sometimes you've just got to do what you've got to do.

My friend, I want to reflect on at the start of this episode. You've gone through so much and shared so much with us, which I'm so grateful for. But it sounds like you're really on top of it, like you're good at managing money, you are clear about your goals. Do you think a C still fits you after this conversation. If so, why and if not, what would you change it to.

I would say maybe upgrade to a BEE.

I feel like there are still avenues that I could probably explore to make.

My income more efficient and more supportive. But yes, after.

Speaking everything through and looking at how hyper organized.

I am, I'm like, you're doing well, doing well.

And you have to be when you've got two kids, like, you have to just be so organized, otherwise the.

Wheels will fall off real quick if you're not.

Hey, oh yeah, so yes, all my online shopping would be out of control if I didn't have this sort of awareness of wherever the money was going.

I love that.

I'm glad that you upgraded yourself because after hearing all of this, I'm like, I don't know if that fits. And as I said before we went to a break, I was like, I think we're going to have a disagreement, but we don't disagree. I agree with a Bee. I think that a beat is very reflective where you're at. I think that you've still got a few things to go in terms of just even mentally sorting through it and feeling really empowered. But I really like how clear

Like I'm just so invested in this.

I love it, but unfortunately that is all we have time for Today's money dost. Thank you so much for sharing so much time with us, and so much of yourself with us. It has been an absolute privilege anytime.

Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.

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