Just before we get started, we'd like to acknowledge and pay respect to Australia's Aboriginal and torrest Right Islander people's. They're the traditional custodians of the lands, the waterways and the skies all across Australia. We thank you for sharing and for caring for the land on which we are able to learn. We pay respects to elders past and present, and we share our friendship and our kindness. She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Joining me as per is a woman who is actually in the thick of today's episode topic, but we'll get to that later.
It is, of course, Victoria Divine. Hello, Hello.
Now, today we are going to be giving you some of the history and context around weddings, which is cold, weird stuff, some weird and strange stuff.
It's not just an episode on budgeting for a wedding, like we're also going to talk about the sassy Queen Victoria. We're going to talk about why maybe we're white to weddings, like we need to know all of the gory details because some of these things, and some of these work traditions as I'm learning and not that good. They make no sense.
They make me uncomfortable. But don't be fooled. We will also be talking about the counter budget for your wedding because we're about exactly right.
Got to keep the people happy.
To kick us off VD, I'm going to rattle off some stats and figures.
Go stats, gal, go how big is.
The wedding industry in Australia, you might ask yourself asking In a normal year, Australia's wedding industry contributes four point three billion dollars to the economy, with one hundred and ten thousand marriages going ahead each and every year.
I'm going to be one of those this year, bless you. There's a lot of weddings. That is a lot. I'm not going to have that many weddings.
I'll just have one that just the one can cook a cool Next up, Most Australian couples opt for wedding dates either in March or October, with March being the slightly more popular month.
In twenty twenty one, I'm getting married in neither of those months. Interesting, you don't fit them. Mold there.
Lastly, for Australian couples, weddings are mostly an expensive affair, with costs actually increasing yearly, and I would say unsurprisingly Victoria and New South Wales are both among the prisiest states in the country for weddings.
We need to move states. I'm moving anywhere, but if I've got a choice, I think I'll choose Perth. They have quackers, and you know how much I love a Quaker. But moving on, Let's get into some numbers and how much this will actually cost, because I guess that's all I bring to the table really when it comes to the she and she's on the money, like I'm the money part, George is the fun part. Let's actually look at what states pay the most for weddings. So here
in Victoria, do you know what we win? We win for having the highest for a wedding dress. Do you know the average wedding dress here in Victoria costs two six hundred and seventy five dollars. Good lord, that's a lot. Wait for it. I haven't even got a quote for this yet, so I'm terrified wedding here and makeup nine hundred and seventy five dollars. Oh lord, I will be doing my own if someone quotes me to have my makeup done for nine hundred and seventy five dollars to
do it for you. Yeah, all right, that's five hundred. Okay, not so good. I would four five hundred dollars at least expect someone to own makeup. Yes, I've got Misscara. Do I also have to Bayo? Yes? All right. Bridesmaid's dress. I'm shocked because I don't know about you, but I'm planning a wedding Georgia King. I'm looking at all the standard bridesmaid's dresses and like there may be between like one and three hundred dollars. Maybe the average in Victoria
is six hundred and eighty seven dollars Dricken. That means for one or for like multiple for modular dripp Obviously, this study did not give us the information. That's all right, regardless, that's a lot of money. A celebrant is eight hundred and ninety eight dollars here in Victoria. To be honest, I feel like that's pretty good. Like you're asking someone to come out, usually on a Saturday, and spend some time with you while you get married. Probably what you
should be paying guests. Well, yeah, that is true. Instead they have to pay to be there. Reception go fourteen thousand, seven hundred and ten dollars, So.
That's the bit where you're drinking the shampoos. See that's what I thought. But then they also broke it down as a caterer being five thousand, seven hundred and sixty one dollars. But because I've been getting quotes and stuff, I can tell you that that wedding reception probably does include the food. It might not include the alcohol at fourteen thousand dollars, but it would usually include the food.
Because what I'm finding just anecdotal evidence, is that usually venues are charging anywhere between like one hundred and fifty to maybe two hundred fifty dollars per head for a wedding, including food and alcohol for the reception, and times that by how many? What would be the average number of attendees at.
Eighty Apparently according to all of the you know wedding people I'm talking to, they're saying, look, look, eighty is pretty standard. It's not too small, it's not too big. That takes you up to twelve thousand dollars in like food and beverage costs Immediately, if you have eighty people at one hundred and fifty dollars per head not cheap, that's a lot of money. But then you add on everything else and you can see why the average wedding
ends up being more than thirty thousand dollars. Because you've got your hair, you've got your makeup, you've got your bridesmaid's dress. You haven't even thought about the groom in this list exactly what we haven't even got a photographer, a videographer, which I've recently learned is that must have, like what these things are all so expensive? And I will definitely be doing an episode after I get married
of all the stuff that I bought that I regret. Yeah, that's a really good one hundred percent because I guarantee it's gonna be a long episode. But moving on from you know, slamming Victoria, New South Wales is the most expensive for flowers, so on average, people are spending two one hundred and eighty eight dollars on flowers, Hikay, A photographer on average is three thousand, six hundred and forty six dollars and cake cake. I'm not having a cake
at this point in time. I'm currently negotiating with my mother about this. Yeah, but cake five hundred and ninety three dollars?
Wow?
Do you reckon? I could just get into Cole's mud cakes and smash them together on the top, would you do it in the shape of Jess could do it for me? Yeah? Of course, honestly, Yeah, in smarties on the top.
Ye.
I'm gonna argue with someone because Cole's Mudcake is elite and that ain't gonna cost you five hundred ninety three dollars. Do you know? Tazzy gets to play this as well, which I didn't think they would be the most expensive for something, but a dj A band in Tazzy is the most expensive, coming in at two three hundred and ninety nine dollars on average. There you go. Maybe it's because there are less creatives there, or get this, the creatives actually value themselves properly.
Well, yes, and we all should, shouldn't we V For anyone who doesn't know a little bit of a background to hear, V is getting married in November and I'm probably never getting married. I'm You're coming to the wedding. Your connection, that's not that's my connection to weddings now we're going to move into that weird space that we
alluded to before. VD. We're getting historical. We're talking about the history of weddings and the premise of marriage, which is mostly heteronormative, so we will flank that as well. And it's also quite unrheumatic, which may surprise some people. So the best available evidence suggests that marriage is about four thousand, three hundred and fifty years old. Great, thank
you for thousands of years before that. Most anthropologists believe families actually consisted of loosely organized groups of as many as thirty people with several male leaders. Of course, the multiple women we're in those families shared by those men and also some children thrown who.
Yeah, that gives me the ick, not because it's not you know, if you want to do that, you do. You like, Polyamorous relationships exist, and that's totally a valid form of having a relationship, but it's the premise that it's just like led by men and then the women are shared like ill.
Well, that's what it all stems back to. Though it's interesting. The first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates back from about twenty three hundred and fifty b c. To ages Go in Mesopotamia. But back then marriage had little to do with love or religion.
Women were just tradable resources and well yeah, man.
Marriage's primary purpose was to bind women to men and guarantee that a man's children were then truly.
His biological heirs.
What through marriage a woman becomes a man's property. In the betrothal ceremony of ancient Greek, a father would hand over his daughter with these words, Okay, brace.
Yourself, I pledge.
I pledge my daughter for the purpose of producing legitimate offspring. Among the ancient Hebrews, men were free to take several wives. Married Greeks and Romans were free to satisfy their sexual urges with concubines, prostitutes, and even teenage male lovers, while their wives were required to stay home and tend to the household. If wives failed to produce offspring, their husbands could give them back and marry someone else.
You could give your wife fat. I'm surprised it wasn't like you can stone them to death and then I don't know. He probably needed to do some more research. I'm absolutely certain that there would have been some kind of quote punishment. Huh I reckon.
But as religion became big in Europe, the blessing of a priest became a necessary step in the process. Obviously, apparently, bringing God into marriage meant men were taught how to show greater respect for their wives.
It forbade them from divorcing them. Yeah, good, that's obviously really important. We love.
Christian doctrine also declared that the twain shall be one flesh poetic, giving husband and wife exclusive access to each other's bodies.
This put new pressure.
On men to remain sexually faithful, but the Church still held that men were the head of families, with their wives deferring to their wishes. Gross Moving on. Love is also relatively recent in marriage two, with the Middle Ages seeing the first documentation of love over practicalities.
Weighing in our marriage. I love that good.
And finally, flash way forward to the ninth of December twenty seventeen, when the right to marry in Australia was no longer determined by sex or gender. When Australians freakin finally voted for marriage equality via a postal survey ten.
Out of ten from us. That's just a brief little history of I think it's very interesting. I feel like there's so many different reasons why we did things and do things, but it's not that often that we actually question them. And this whole marriage process for me has been a lot of questioning, like why do we do that? Why do we have a cake? Why do I have to be walked down the aisle by somebody else? Like why would we get married in a church which we're not?
Why would we do all of these different things? I keep googling things like why should I carry a bouquet down the aisle?
That?
Like why am I carrying that? Do you know why? Georgia? Because people didn't used to bathe and they would smell, so they carried flowers. Interesting cute, So I missed stinky bride if I carry flowers. I don't what any stinky bride or shower I promise on my wedding day, of all, I can't promise any other day. But I'm sure it's held in confirm that on my wedding day or have a shower at least once. It is all quite strange, isn't it. That is definitely all quite a time, And
I will shower on my wedding day. But let's talk about some of the things that are generally regarded as wedding staples. Like, let's get into it, Jack, Did you know that the og Obviously Queen Victoria herself, she chose to wear white because it was the perfect color for her to flex the delicacy of the lace that was on her gown. That's why she chose white. And then she asked nobody else other than the bridesmaids to wear white on that day because she wanted to be the
center of attention, because she's Victoria after all. And until that point, most women actually wore bright and colorful dresses that could be recycled through different occasions, because obviously, dresses used to be so much more expensive before Queen Victoria, women who wore white on their wedding day did it to show how rich they were, because obviously they could show that they could keep their stuff clean, which was definitely not you know, the norm of the time. See,
I thought it was a symbol of like your virginity. No, it's because Queen Victoria wore white, and then that became quite trendy. Up until then, we just wore whatever we want, and then bride'smaids speaking of them, they weren't allowed to wear white. Spoiler, I think I want my bridesmaids to
wear white, just to shake that up. But bridesmaids in ancient Rome, it was believed that bad spirits would descend upon the wedding, so bridesmaids actually ended up wearing similar outfits to the bride to confound to the evil doers. Seems legit. It is such a agit, right, And in many cultures throughout history, brides presented their grooms with a dowry of money, furniture, and other riches, which made them
targets for robbers and their evil exes. And again, bridesmaids actually served as quote decoys so that the bandits wouldn't know who the actual bride was and who'd ever rob what I know? Also, you know, I probably should mention the idea of being given away and a dowry and all of that makes me wildly are uncomfortable. But yeah, I won't be given away. Are you taking Steve's last night? I'm not?
Is that okay? That's what I thought you would say. But if you were Victoria Deviron from She's on the Money, Yeah, if you were just in the quotation marks a financial advisor. Yeah, with no like media career, would you have taken his name? I've never wanted to take somebody else's name. I've always felt really connected to my own name. Maybe there's like a lot of reasons and we can get into it
very deeply one day over a couple of wines. But ever since I was little, I have wanted to keep my surname Divine because my dad's actually the only boy left in his family, and he's in a situation where if I don't keep my name and give it to my children, which is the plan, like I'll have baby divines his bloodline I suppose dies out, And that's obviously quite quote traditional and definitely not why I'm picking it.
But I just love the idea of that name not dying and being able to honor a family that I absolutely love and adore. And you know, having spoken to Steve and flipping the narrative and going, well, what would happen if I took your name? Like there are lots of baby Morrison's floating around at the moment, and to us we're like, oh, well that makes sense. So yeah, I'll stay Divine and our babies will be divine, which is kind of cool.
Love that he you very good. I'm going to a break before we are talk too much about Victoria's wedding instead of weddings in general. Alrighty VD, Now let's dive straight into a little chat about family and social pressures as they relate to wedding. Gosh, there are so many, so many you're going through it. It's insanct, it's insane.
Let's not talk about my personal experience. Let's talk about Zola. So. Zola is a wedding website, and they recently surveyed five hundred engaged or newlywed couples, and they found out that ninety six percent of them are freaking out about wedding planning ninety six percent. Ninety six percent same. I'm in that ninety six percent. Seventy one percent thought it was a more nerve wracking job than any other major life
event like finding a new job. Fifty three percent of couples said that their parents are the biggest stress causing culprits. I am very happy to say that that is not the case in our situation, and thirty three percent said it was their in laws. Again, not the same in our situation. I mean, Steve might think is my parents, but he hasn't articulated that is the case at any point.
So it's a life transition for everybody involved, obviously, And with life transitions comes an identity shift and a sense of loss for who you were before, which I think is another thing and another reason why G I just don't want to change my name. I'm already changing so much about my life. It's just not for mej. Meanwhile, all of this happens when everybody's eyes are directly on you. You're spending loads of money, and you're expected to be
the happiest you've ever been or whatever will be. And the culmination of all of these circumstances honestly makes wedding planning incredibly stressful, and it exasperates an already estranged financially dynamic if it exists, it creates hurt feelings and conflict, and I just feel like too many people put too much pressure on weddings.
I'm now going to say something that is extremely spy stable. No, it's not spicy, it's probably it's what everyone would expect me to say at this point, And that is how much we think social media plays into this whole thing massively.
I thought you were actually going to say something about your personal values and really upholding that. So like, good job being you know, not too predictable, good saucy minx you good but it's true, right like, and I feel that. And if I'm feeling that, I know every other bride is feeling that, or every other person who is planning
a wedding. Like you see on social media all of these fancy dresses and you see all of these people getting married in beautiful locations, and you see, you know, these gorgeous photos and expensive videographers, and you compare yourself to that and you go wow, like, maybe that's the goal. But often if you're seeing big weddings blowing up on social media, it's because they've got enough funding for that.
It's because they either are social media influences. It might have things gifted that they haven't you know, maybe acknowledged. I know a lot of brides recently, if they are in that social media space, I've been gifted their dresses. And when you go, oh, gee, like I would love that dress, and you go to inquire, the dresses are
twenty plus thousand dollars. I'm not saying that any of these things you shouldn't spend money on, because I'm very much a believer that if it's in line with your values and you've made the right decision for you.
You do you.
But there is a lot of pressure floating around, and if I'm feeling it, I know everybody else is feeling and it's just a lot. G it is a lot.
I'm obviously super skeptical and cynical about social media, but seeing like the same photo with the same love cutout in a field, black and white photos you hugging each other in a hayfield, I don't know.
I find it a bit cringe. But I'm also an asshole. So if you could just get me to get in my emails later and cancel the big lov either I'm going to have at my wedding, that would be great.
It's beautiful, but people are very drawn to what other people are doing exactly a very pinterest worthy right, like, and every single wedding that you go on Pinterest and see it doesn't mean that you have to have that wedding.
And I mean I'm in the very privileged position where I've actually been to a lot of weddings I used to work at weddings way back in the day when I was a waitress, and I also have been invited to a lot of special people's weddings, and to be honest, all of them are incredible. All of them have been very different, all of them have different budgets associated with them. But I can't can't say, oh, my god, the bigger,
the better. Like I think my favorite wedding that I've been to that really like I think I was crying half the time, was when a couple of my friends got married and there was like a total of thirty of us. It's just like so sweet and it was so personal and it was within their home, and I just felt like that was the most special wedding I've
ever been to. Not to downplay all of the weddings that I've been to of all of my other friends who I know what we're listening so this is an awkward episode, but I just I don't think that a wedding needs to be this big, massive, you know, hullabaloo in saying that, gee, my wedding's getting out of hand. My partner is a soccer nut, and you know, part of the soccer team is like on the committee and stuff.
So basically everybody at the soccer club will be at our wedding, and it just it's blown out of proportion. But that's okay because it's really in line with his values. And every time I say to Steve, what do you want, He's like a party, I want a big part. Yeah, it's okay, no problems, whereas I'm trying to it's the fact that I just want really good food.
Yeah, yeah, okay, social media aside, Sorry for that little ten No.
I think it's important because we need to talk about these things because I think a lot of people will be like, oh, I listened to this episode because I hoped that genv would tell me what is an appropriate budget to spend on a wedding, Like, weddings are no less valid if you just went to the registry and decided to get married, or if you had like a five hundred person meg our wedding, Like, they're all just as beautiful and it should be about you and the
person that you're marrying, not about you know how big your wedding.
Is exactly, And I feel like that is sometimes what gets forgotten amongst all of this is that it's a celebration of two people coming together to start a life.
Yeah, and it really upsets me that so many people put so much pressure on themselves to have these big weddings and thus compromising their future financial goals. Like I don't want you to start a marriage in debt because you were getting married, Like, debt is the number one thing people fight over in relationships, So it just feels
really silly go into debt for a wedding. And I think that's the number one thing that I you know, being really personal at the moment, that's the number one thing Steve and I have said, like we've said a budget. I want to pay for everything in cash. I'm trying
to pay for things. You know, we're getting married in November, but I've been trying to pay for things along the way because I also don't want the amount of money owing to add up because I think so many times I keep getting invoices and stuff, right because I'm booking a photographer or I you know, have finally found a gorgeous celebrant and they'll send through an invoice and be like, all right, it's twenty percent to like lock in this venue,
and I'll be like, okay, that's fine, But then I'm like, when is arrest you and they're like, oh, the week before the wedding, and I'm like, oh my god, Like, if I left everything to the week before the wedding, I'm gonna have so much money that's owing. And I don't want to be stressed about money the week before
the wedding. And obviously there's probably a lot to say about not paying a photographer until you locked it in and all of that other stuff, but like, I just want these costs out of the way, So I've really been trying to spread them out over a period of time time and you know, pick up a few things here and there, and you know, I really want to love hot sunglasses for all of our bridesmaids to have on the day, and just like really laying things that I know I can purchase now and put to the
side so that it doesn't feel like a really expensive week the week before the wedding because I've forgotten about all those things. Yeah, I don't know. It's just a lot.
That leads perfectly now into talking about budgeting the what are your top tips in this space?
Set a realistic budget, and for me personally, that has just crept up and up and up. And it's not because I keep going, oh my god, I want to spend more. It's just I forget that things need to happen. It's that I didn't know that there were certain costs. Like this is going to be a very entitled comment, but I didn't realize that chairs weren't included when you hired a venue, and that if you want nice ceremony chairs, they don't just pull them out of the back. You
have to hire them. That seems fascical. I didn't know that was a thing, right, And that's total fair and fine, And some people listening are probably gonna be like, the how did you not know that? I just didn't know that, And that's fine, and that's added, you know, money to our budget, and things are creeping up, not because I keep choosing more expensive things, but because I just didn't know.
So I've been keeping a very detailed spreadsheet, as should you, and I'll drop mine later in the year once I feel like I have got it tweaked to perfection and also included everything that I spent money on because I
feel like I feel like that's what I needed. I didn't just need to go and download a random budget template, like I needed someone to go, oh, this was this and this was that, and you know, I want to buy two pairs of shoes at least George, because I know that I want a beautiful pair of heels, but I also know I want something flat and really pretty to dance in, Like that needs to be in the budget.
And I just didn't think about adding shoes to the budget because like, in my head, the most important thing was actually the dress, but it really needs to come into play, so obviously budgeting, but then think about everything else that gets forgotten. We had an engagement party that needed to be a part of the wedding budget. I don't want to pretend that's not a thing. The hens, the bucks, if that's going to cost you money, wedding
party gifts, thank you gifts for people. I just so many of these things are adding up and I'm trying to think of them as they go. But even the gift I'm going to give my bridesmaids when I officially because I still haven't, God forbid, asked my bridesmaids to
officially be my bridesmaids. Like I want to put together a little gift for them, and that's just spiraling out of control, and very quickly that's become more than fifty dollars each, And I'm like, what, like this is crazy, like and in the moment, you're like, oh, it's fifty dollars, it's not that much, But then you go, how many just fifty dollars are happening on this wedding? Like this is just so much. It's such a hullaballoo in my opinion.
So I'm assuming, then, VI, you are going to say that having emergency backup funds is really important.
Yes, when planning away one hundred percent, And I think that adding in a buffer of maybe between ten and fifteen percent for everything that you spend and just popping it to the side as kind of like a wedding emergency account, is not going to be the worst thing, because either you'll need to rely on it, or you'll be in the sick position where you just got married
and you didn't have to rely on it. And that can be either some more savings or your actual emergency fund, or go towards a honeymoon or something that you want to spend money on. I also have a few hot takes. Alterations can be really expensive. I didn't realize. I thought, you know, I've had a couple of pairs of pants taking out before g twenty bucks here and there. Right, No, it's hundreds of dollars to have your wedding dress altered. Really, yes, and most.
People need to do that, like when you get your dress fitted. Sometimes when you buy your dress directly from the store, they'll be like, no, all of your fittings are included, like in the cost because it's a few
thousand dollars. But if you're like me, George King, and you went on steel White dot com dot are you and bought a second hand wedding dress because you just can't comprehend how expensive dresses are, you then realize that alteration on top of that are literally hundreds of dollars because you need to find an independent third party who's willing to work on a relatively customized Yeah, dressed it, which I totally get, but I hadn't comprehended, Like, I
just hadn't thought about that. And then correct invitation postage postage dollar per envelope, so we've done digital save the dates. And then I really wanted the stationery to go out because I don't know. I just have this thing about getting letters in the mail. I love it, and I love the experience of getting it, and I wanted everybody else to have that. But that has added up really quickly, Like we are at a total guest limit of I think it's about one hundred and forty now, So that's
one hundred and forty bucks just on stamps. We haven't even got to the wedding stationery yet, and that adds up. Then what happens if there's bad weather. So we have been informed that if there is bad weather, we're going to need to hire a marquee for the venue that we're at.
And doing some googling, that's not a couple of hundred dollars, that's a few thousand dollars, anywhere between three and seven thousand dollars, depending on the marquee that we pick. Bridal transportation separate to the bride and groom gonna cost you some money as well. Thankfully, we don't need any transportation. We're just gonna be in the one position. Do you know what anyone needs? A car? My parents both have cars, yeah, and be great. The other thing I kept forgetting to
do is factor yourself in to the overall HEADCOUMP. So for really long time, I was like one hundred and thirty eight. Steem's like, hey, a couple more people. There's two people are going to be at that wedding for sure, Yeah, and they're not on the guest list right now, so we needed to do that event lighting. What extra lighting so that like the dance floor is lit up properly, Like insane didn't know that was a thing. Vendor meals
in overtime if they are needed. So in all of the contracts that I am getting through for the videographers, for the photographers, for our you know, celebrant who were actually getting to be the MC as well, meals one of them needs accommodation because of their travel, like all of that needs to be paid for by us, which I'm so fine with, but these are things I had
no idea existed. And then post reception transportation, so thankfully I'm just going to stay at the venue that I'm going to be getting married, so no need to leave. I was like one of the reasons I picked it because I was like, eh, I can just roll on upstairs after eating all of the good wedding food, Heaven, laughing at all the people who were like, Hahaha, I didn't eat at my wedding. That's all I'm going to do. I promise, that's all I'm gonna do.
Ke, Sure you do, sis, because people pass out at eight if they don't eat, eg, my cousin.
But transportation after for the bride and groom to get wherever they need to go, even if it's just ubers. You need to take these things into consideration, like things are creeping up. But honestly, if I had been more planned, completely unavoidable, like I could have avoided all of this. But I also didn't know where to find that spread geet or that template. So I'm just making it myself and I will share it with all of you guys once I think I've just got it right, brilliant.
We'll look forward to that, do you recking? That'll be on like the website or social beyond the website. Okay, amazing, But did you know on.
The website we literally have a whole section of free downloadables. I mean I did, yes you did, but like lots of people don't. But we literally have a free budget, We have free ebooks, we have all of those saving charts that you might have seen on social media like go and have a look at that, because it's free stuff and it's all free.
Make the most win anyway, money win. Indeed, let's put a pin in it there. The advice shed on She's of the Buddy is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to
make an investment or a financial decision or wedding. Yeah, exactly right, and we promise Victoria Devine and She's on the Money are authorized representatives of in Focused Securities Australia Proprietary Limited ABN four seven zero nine seven seven nine seven zero four nine AFSL two three six five two three See Friday Guys Bye, look at the day