Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud Order
Order Kerni Whoaltbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
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She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money the podcast some millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another one of our money jaries where I get the absolute pleasure of sitting down with one of our She's on the Money community members and talking to them all about their money story. Let's jump straight into it, because this week I got a message and it sounded like this, Hi, She's on the Money. I'm a thirty five year old mom of two with a story that serves as a
cautionary tale for all women. Three months ago, after relocating to a news date with my husband. He blindsided me with the news that he was leaving. I absolutely had no idea it was coming. He's the tough part. We had joint money. He earns three times what I do, and I have spent the last nine years out of full time work raising our kids. Now I'm having to pick myself up and reassess everything to start fresh and give my kids the life they deserve. Money, Diarist, that just feels like trash.
That's one word for it, that's for sure.
It's a bit more of a complimentary word I feel.
Yeah, yeah, I've had some other words for sure that have had less letters that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right, Well let's start the way I always start, money, Darist. I'd love to know what grade would you give your money habits from A through to F.
I am like a D, maybe even a D minus.
I feel like you're not. But also we'll chat about it. Okay, all right, I need to know my favorite question. Can you tell me more about your money story. Let's go back.
So I was raised in a regional town. I had two working parents. We would just what I would say was just like standard Australian middle class. You know, like nothing was extravagant. My parents worked in their jobs for like thirty years to put a roof over our heads, and you know, we had a holiday every couple of years and that was it. That was it was good life. You know. My parents didn't really talk much about money, though.
I often say, like, we can probably get into this a little bit later, and we talk about some of the other things I'm working on. But I always say my dad is very traditional country. He you know, don't talk about sex, drugs, politics, absolutely.
Not exactly horible. I'm from Tasmania, I get it. Yeah, he's very taboo. Yeah, that's disgusting. You will never talk about that, let alone at the dinner table.
Exactly. So I went to UNI, came out of UNI, and not long after, when I was twenty two, just graduated UNI, I met a cute boy.
We love this, No we don't.
We doesn't end well.
I like com eating cuteboy.
And anyway, we got together. He was eight years older than me. I was only twenty two and he was thirty.
I think that's going downhill real quick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it's only in hindsight, you know, hindsight is twenty twenty that I can see that. I'm like, oh, well, I was a thirty year old dating a twenty two year old. Oh we know, we know well well because I was young and easily manipulated exactly, and so from that point on he was already much further along in
his career. He always earned like triple what I. I came out of Union on a very low paying job, and we essentially ended up joining not living together pretty quickly after we got together, and then I got married very young. I had my first child when I was twenty seven, which is definitely younger than I would have planned that, but again he was eight years older than me, so he was ready for that, and I thought we'd committed to this life together, yeah, one hundred percent. And
so had my first child. Or supposed to go back to my job that I really loved, but do it in like a part time capacity, And when my daughter was about six months old, I got an email saying, like, your job still exists, but it's the job that you had before, and it was full time in the city, lots of travel. I didn't have family around where I was at the time, and so I had to make
the decision to not go back to that job. I mean this was only like nine years ago, but part time work just was not as much of a thing as it was then, and definitely flexible work.
Yeah, I feel like flexible work has really served recently where people are realizing I think after COVID with all of the work from home and like the work flexibly arrangements, like it's definitely searched. But yeah, nine years ago, getting a part time role was kind of like the golden goose.
Exactly, and especially in the kind of industry. And then so I turned in and did some freelance work, which I mean, look at how its pros and cons. I think if anytime you want to start a business or start being a sole trader, you want to do it because you've decided I'm ready for this, and I'm prep for this. And whereas I had to kind of do it as a necessity, so I didn't know how much to charge. I didn't know, you know, like a lot of my old workplaces became my client, so that kind
of made it a bit easier. And I continued on doing that all the way through for another three years till I had my son, and then when he was younger, I went back to work, but I basically just worked part time in jobs that I would say below my capabilities.
That's the journey, right like, And I'm not saying it's okay that it's like the small steps that you make for your family that are sacrifices that you go, that's okay, we'll sort that out. That's okay, we'll sort that out. And then you fast forward and realize that all of those time, any little steps that you thought you were making that were in the best interest at the time were actually not in your best interests exactly.
Because I was thinking of us and I wasn't thinking of me. And now, like I said, it is a cautionary tale, it's bitten me in the bum. I had no separate money from him. I always felt sort of at the mercy of that he we're both terrible with money, and I am open to admitting that, but he kind of isn't. And we got a financial advisor a few years ago, and I was very open about that, you know,
we're terrible with money. Help us, you know, And one of the suggestions he had was, look, I can basically take control of your money and give you guys essentially like an allowance each week, and I'm like, great, yep, that's the level of oversight we need. My husband didn't
like that. I think it's a bit of an ego thing maybe for a man, a control thing for sure, because you know, he would get a new hobby every couple of months and just go and spend Like why and I are people this well because they haven't been to therapy and dealt with the root cause of what's going on.
Oh ah yeah, yeah, that makes a lot more sense now.
Yeah, yeah, because why do that when you can just fill the void with buying new things? Oh you know?
Actually, yeah, like why I spend money on therapy? That ah? So smart, so smart, so smart. So what happened after that?
So we moved recently, we did a big move into state move.
The audad sorry, like I don't know enough about this situation, but the audacity on that man to let you move states and then go by the way not feeling this. Oh, also to.
Move away from family that was in my other city.
Moving from home to somewhere else, you're probably thinking new life. Great, We've got these great opportunities as a family. Yeah.
So oh mate, Like the week before he sat down and told me this on a random Thursday night. I was literally drinking a cup of tea on the couch and he sat down and said, I can't do this anymore.
Sorry, what so you can't do what me during because that's currently where we're at.
Exactly, like that is our life stage to deal with it. And the week before that we had met with our financial advisor to talk about buying a property here. No, you know, And now he wants to turn around and say, you should have known you can't act.
What do you mean I should have known you're literally talking with a financial advisor about another commitment together.
And this is the thing, right And I know it's so cliche for a woman to say in twenty twenty four, but he's a legitimate narcissist, Like I have learned this.
Now And I'm like, yeah, but you don't know at the time.
No, And you don't want to see that at the time. And I get it. Like people have said, to me, was he like this the whole time? And I'm like, I guess in a way, he was, But I just I wanted to excuse it because this is the man who was the father of my children. I wanted to make it work. I wanted to have that family. So anyway, so we moved to where we are now at the start of the year, and about three months after, yeah, he told me he was out. I was still on probation at a new job.
And that just like that mental load, that like not even taking into consideration the fact that you didn't see a divorce coming, like just oh, that would have flipped the narrative. So what happened?
I mean I just had to turn around and deal with it, like I was literally living.
Did he give a reason? Obviously, he was like you should have seen this coming.
No, really, just this isn't working exactly, there's not really a reason.
Looks from your perspective, was it working?
I mean, it wasn't the best, But I also just thought that was the season of life.
Yeah, like we have young kids, Like stuff's just stuffing.
Yeah, And like I've just watched so many you know, my mom and dad and aunts and uncles and things like that. I've seen marriages have ebbs and flows, and like there was nothing so so terrible in it that I would have ever considered walking away, you know, like it just wasn't like and so I genuinely believe he's having a midlife crisis and he had to run away from something.
Okay, you're not twenty two anymore, and I was twenty two that kind of midlife crisis, Yeah, I think so.
And just I've lost control. Like so, we had also bought a property in the other city that we were in and when we were selling that for a loss just because the timing was bad, and again, like we're just not super financially true, which is why I've become obsessed with you guys.
Welcome to the community. We are actually so stoked to have you here.
It's been amazing. Yeah, And so I think it's no surprise that the week we found out we were going to make a loss on that sale is the week he decided he was out. You know. I think there's a whole bunch.
Of how do we tell him that that's not what's going to solve the problem. But that's okay, you do you too?
Yeah, So I was still on probation. My job. I'm just living through this like trauma and shock and trying to be the best mom I can to my kids. And they're living through it and I'm having to comfort them through it, and I mean, it's literally been the worst few months of my life. But it definitely builds resilience, you know.
We are oh my god, yeah, like I mean, yes, it does. But it wasn't consensual resilience Like I didn't. I didn't go wake up and say I want to be more resilient, like you were forced into it. So tell me. You get told that your husband isn't in anymore on a random Thursday night while you're drinking a cup of tea. What happens then?
So then he tells me I was obviously shocked, heartbroken, begging him to stay, and he said, you know, it's not a nail in the coffin. There's things that we can work on, but I just need to get out. I was like, okay, you know. So it means that within a week he had moved out of our family home.
He within it.
This week, he found a furnished rental that he moved to, and then my kids had to start adapting to coming and going from his place. Yeah. So I tried to talk to him about it. He didn't want to talk. So I was like, okay, I'll give him time. And in that eight weeks I went I was like right, I can work on myself in this time. So I went, I got.
You're a queen, You're an iconon You're who. I hope that everyone going through a situation like this use is like I'm going to work on myself. Like what iconic behavior?
Well, it's just when you have no choice, right.
One hundred percent. But so many people also bury their heads and go we'll talk about it at some point, like true. Just don't get me wrong, Like I feel like you and I know that you didn't have a choice, like this is what's happening, But you also have a choice on your mindset. You also have a choice on how you work on yourself, and those choices are going to serve you very.
Well, exactly. So I got myself on anti anxiety medication because I was like, okay, maybe that's impact in the relationship. I started doing cognitive behavioral therapy because I, like many other thirty five year old women and a late diagnosed ADHDR.
Welcome to the club.
Which, by the way, when I heard you refer to that as neurospicy, I laughed out loud. I thought it was the best thing I've ever heard. I was like, yes, let's just normally.
Framing it like we are all a little bit neurospicy, and it's.
Just it's no different to like me have a double jointed thumb like whatever.
Which we do because we are You're very divergent, and those two things go together.
I actually also did a six week hypnotherapy Who are you?
You are a self help queen?
Yeah? Well, I just thought, let's get to the subconscious level of like my lack of self worth and my insecurities and stuff, and let's go real deep on that. My view on it was, at least I know I have done everything I can to save this relationship. If he still doesn't want it, well, then none of this stuff is.
That's actually not my problem.
Exactly, And I've then put myself in the best possible position. So after about eight weeks, I asked him to come and talk and he was like, yeah, no, I'm out. So that's that. Deal with it and have fun.
Was the CBT, What helped you discover that your husband was actually an arcist?
Well that, let's be honest.
Instagram Yeah, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent, Like that's a form of therapy.
My algorithm these days is I was just like, how to spot a narcissist, and like, how.
To Sometimes I feel like, yeah, algorithm, really, algorithm's too hard, and you're like, yeah, have you been listening, Like no, how did you know?
I know? I know? So yeah, So that's kind of where we are now. I decided to take a bit of control of it. I got a lawyer, which not cheap obviously, and got myself with as much info as I could. I actually spoke to a really amazing lawyer and she was like, look, there's all these different ways to do this. The best way to do it, if you guys are amicable enough, is to do it through mediation, so you're not having lawyers represent you, so you're not like waste that money.
And I was so nice of you to say that, Yeah, thank you. Also an iconic queen.
Yeah, and she was just like, I'm the one who does these invoices of these clients, and I invoice them for like thirty grand and I just think to myself, that's money that could have gone towards the depozard or the kids. And I'm like, you know, so we did that. A couple of weeks ago. We did the mediation, which is like a one day thing to deal with property and family also. So in the meantime, had quite a
few meetings with my financial advisor. He has been amazing helping me with negotiations and stuff, and so I came out of that pretty well. I went in probably over prepared, but I think that's a better way to be, and he went in completely underprepared.
So that's very media commit aged white man behavior exactly.
So why should I prepare for this? You know the world will work for me.
Okay, Well that's interesting. I feel like you are killing it and it reminds me of that quote sometimes something you lose is not a loss, and like that is so true, Like you feel like you're losing something, but you're not. It's not a loss. And that just right now is like what you're going through. I think in a couple of years you'll be like, oh my god, I'm so glad he did that.
I know, and I do feel like I'm starting to see that now. I feel like I do feel like in the end, I will look back and be glad this happened, because you know, I am thirty five years old, I've got my whole life ahead of me. I've just put the gas pedal back down my career. My kids are both in school, so like, let's.
Go cheers to him for not doing it while you had two tiny, tiny children who weren't in school. Like, yeah, that's I mean, very considerate of him.
I'm not a great man.
Oh one out of ten cannot recommend. These are the moments where you realize that, like, being straight is actually not a choice.
No, no, I look, I am open to any and all possibilities. Now I will.
So I want to know, let's get into some nitty gritty questions. So I'm sure it will come back up. But now that you are getting back into your career, what do you do for it? How much money do you earn?
So I'm a communications manager. I am on one hundred and three per year plus super.
Oh how good is that? I mean at the moment, you're probably like, oh, everything's so expensive, But like that is a great career trajectory. Yeah, and I feel like there's a lot of room for growth, which is awesome. Where like, and this is probably not a question that's get kind questioned to us, but that where do you think you would have been had you not, you know, put the brakes on your career back when you were making sacrifices so that he could earn three times more
than you. Well, I know exactly where I would be because this is part of the research I did with going into my mediation.
So my best friend and I graduated from the same degree at the same time. She's just recently had her first child, which, by the way, having kids in your thirties is a way better idea for so many reasons.
But anyway, when I'm still not getting sleep and I'm really tired, and you get to climb into your bed and no toddler is going to be in the middle, You'll be saying.
Ha, try having an eight year old and a five year old in bed every night.
It's that's right, you know what. I feel like, you're living my dream.
So she had an amazing stuff with her career, Like not to take anything away from her, like she's brilliant what she does, but we had very similar you know, I would say, work ethics and all that kind of stuff. She is currently on two hundred and ten. Yeah, okay, you know, so that's the sacrifice I made in terms of being the one at home raising the children. And when I said that to him, he said, well, I didn't ask you to do that.
I'm gonna literally bunch you in the face, so weird. My hand just slipped and fell into your nose.
Oh the milk coming out of your boobies wasn't that good? And your two days of paternity leave would not have gotten us very far.
Oh, that's so weird that we had kids when it suited you and I was twenty seven and didn't think it was going to work, but we did so obviously, that is actually a fantastic benchmark to have. And having these money conversations with your friend really empowered you to have a successful mediation, right, So, like what were those conversations? Like did you sit down with your friend and go hey, cool,
like you are basically like we split off. It's like the superannuation ad where they're going up the escalators and that's really powerful. But like, what was that conversation like with your friend? Were you like, can you just tell me what you earn? Was she open to that? Like what did that look like?
Yeah? So she's obviously been there for me during this whole massive life change and she knew that I was going to mediation and I literally just ragged her and I was like, hey, can you, like, we all as women need to get better at talking about money and talking about this stuff. Can you tell me what you've earned in your last like three or four jobs. And she's like, yep, when I was at this job, I earned this, when I was at this, iland at this, when I was at this, ironed this and I love that.
And she's very similarly minded to me in terms of like we need to change this narrative for women, especially, like let's not be like weird about money or weird about sex or whatever, like let's just normalize everything. And so she was fully just like, yep, anything else you need to know, you let me know.
I can send you a pay slip for an example. I love her, So tell me how that played into mediation, Like what was that conversation? Like, I obviously thankfully haven't been through this process, but I know that it can be quite fick. Or is that something that you've said, well, actually i'd be here.
Yep, So I said I would be there, and I said to make up for that, I believe I deserve X amount. Unfortunately, because we are both bad with money, we didn't really have much of a property pool to split, so I negotiated really hard for a good monthly payment because in Australia, unfortunately, this is another thing they don't teach you. They don't give you alimony, so you have to do it as child support. So that's what I
negotiated for. So I negotiated for four thousand dollars a month from him, which I think for me puts me in a much better position in terms of lending capabilities and things like that. So I went in really armed with all that information. I also went in armed with what he isn't over that time. What you know, when they'd break down those calculations of how much a woman like it's not just the amount of time that you spent out of the workforce, it's also the slower career progression.
Because in the time that I was home with the kids, he progressed really rapidly in his career because he had the time and space to do that.
It's almost like he had someone supporting him at home to do that. That's very strange. He didn't know that though, So that is a super powerful position to be in. You manage to get a good amount of child support. But obviously, like when I do the maths on that that actually gets you to being on par or close to what your friend earns, but that then puts you
in the basket of being a single parent exactly. So like, yes, you're kind of getting that, but like that child support, according to Australian government regulation is meant to go towards the kids, not necessarily towards your income. So now you're on par What type of custody arrangements exists? Like is it fifty to fifty? Are they with you?
Like?
Has he just decided not only am I walking away from my marriage, I've had a midlife crisis. I want to be a single male? Like what does that look like?
To be honest, in a way, I wish he had have done that. That would have made things easier, but instead he has turned around and insisted on having them. So I refuse to do fifty to fifty because they are incredibly bonded to me.
Absolutely not, they're too little exactly.
Oh, he turned around and told me that they don't need a primary parent.
Oh okay, that's so strange.
Our youngest is five years old.
No no, no, no, no, no, you're the one that chose this. So I'm going to give them a stable home and you can go do your midlife crisis stuff. You're not coming back, but like, go have fun.
So currently it's about a sixty forty split. It's not perfect. There is a bit of doing and throwing, and that's just because I have certain days that I have to be in the office, which means I leave. Of course, I'm early, so they stay with him those nights. So that's two nights a week. So that's what it was originally, and then once he'd moved out, then he started insisting I want them every second weekend as well, and I'm like, well.
You can't have your cake and eat it too, sir, you know.
But then it's really hard because you don't want to be the parent who keeps their children from their other parent. But for me, it does still feel like I am the primary parent because every second week I have them five nights in a row, and they are never with him longer than two nights. Like my daughter especially, she's like, I don't want to be there any longer than two nights, and I'm like, that's great, that's fine. So I definitely still feel like the primary parent, which is really good.
So yeah, they do still see him and I think like I will forever bite my tongue and I will never say anything bad about him to them because it just doesn't serve anyone anything.
That's iconic mum behavior that is so hard to do. Like I thankfully I haven't done or been in that situation, but you just know that that is such a powerful piece that they're going to go into adulthood going hold on, Like kids look back right, Like I've got friends and family members who have been through that situation, and by the time they're eighteen twenty, they look back and go, hold on, the math isn't mathing far out. Mum's a good egg. Like That's exactly what's going to happen.
And that's what I want them to see, you know, Like I'm very aware that this is like the hardest period of my life. But what I want my kids to see is yet dad up and left, but Mum turned around and she killed it in her career and she did all these great things. And that's kind of what I want them to take from this. And I want them to make up their own decision about him.
They will, Yeah, kids aren't silly.
No, my daughter especially, she's already figuring it. Out she's a bit of.
A she's too emotionally intelligent for our own good at this point, which is really sweet. But also you're just like, I wish you weren't as smart as you are.
Yeah, and I just I wish you weren't going through this. I wish I'd picked a better person. Sorry, babe, No.
You did the best that you could and you got her, So like that's a perfect outcome. So talk to me. You've just gone through all this, what are your current big money goals? What are you working towards.
My biggest money goal, The biggest thing I want in life is just to buy a home. So when we moved here, we moved quite quickly and we wanted to do that to get to where we were going before the start of the school year for our kids. And so we were renting because we're also selling the property that we bought in our last city. So we're renting, so have to move out of this rentals and moving back. But that's a whole separate drama to deal with. Ah.
Of course, when it rains, it pause.
Literally it's like every day there's something new. So I want more than anything to just buy a home for my babies. I just want stability, and I want predictability, and I just want to be able to have control of my finances and to be able to take them on holidays. I want them to experience different cultures and see the world, and to be honest, those are my two main money goals. Is just a lovely house for my kids, an article home, and to expose them to
the world and to travel. So my like, I get it. I'm incredibly fortunate that my parents, when this happened, they insisted on, you know, helping me to try to buy a home. Of course, at first, I was like, nope, per absolutely not.
I'm going to do this. I'm a strong independent woman.
Yeah, And I was just like, I need no, man, They've worked so hard for so long. I don't want them to then have to turn around and be my parents again, you know. I want them to actually enjoy being grandparents. But they were sort of like, well, everything we've got just goes to you and your sister anyway, so you may as well have it now than when we kick the bucket. And so I was like, well, I.
Guess oh, and they can probably feel like they're really helping you and their grandkids like, I get that, but also they're like, I don't know. Now I'm a mom as well. I feel like if Harvey ever went through anything, I'd be like, no, no, no, I'll fix it, like and like you have kids, you would bend over backwards, so you kin'd of get it. And I mean, of course it's a privilege, but like, I think the powerful thing here is we're talking about it and the different outcomes
and what that looks like. And that thing is often a fair bit of guilt when you even have this privilege and this access. So what does that look like? Have you started talking to mortgage brokers? Have you started, you know, that process of understanding what it could look like?
Yeah, so started down that path. A lot of it was dependent on the outcome of the mediation.
Yeah, of course, because it would depend on then what payments you're getting, which would play into how much you can borrow.
Yeah, so I have had my financial advice. So they've got some mortgage brokers at work in their company and they've sort of run some numbers for me, which is awesome. But this is where it comes back into it with my dad, where you know, don't talk about sex, drugs, politics, religion or money. It's kind of like, Dad, I'm so grateful that your mom are going to help, but like, what does that look like in dollar terms? He's just like, oh, well, would you just find a house and then we'll tell
you if we can do that or not. And I'm like, it's not really how it works.
That then sets unrealistic expectations and it's really uncomfortable.
Yeah, and look, he hasn't He's only ever been in a regional area. It's like, no one a bloke who knows a bloke, And so I don't think they quite get how like the market and stuff works these days.
But yeah, it doesn't cost twenty thousand dollars to buy a house any more, Dad.
No.
Yeah, so like it might actually not be feasible.
Yes, so let's figure out what is feasible. So they have a financial advisor themselves, So I've said, can I sit in on a meeting with her and we can talk, because the first thing I want to talk to their financial advisor about is to say, I just want to make sure I'm not in any way going to be negatively impacting their life, you know, So you tell me, as their financial advisor, what are you going to tell them not to do? And what are you going to tell them is actually like a.
Good thing to do and that's really thoughtful.
Yeah, and then the second thing will be, okay, like what are we talking about in terms of dollar figures? So that's kind of where we are right now. I should have that meeting next week, and then I'll meet with my financial advisor. Because the banks want to see like three to six months of the child'sport payments coming through, I'll need to wait a little bit. My huge, massive goal is I would love to be in the new house by the time the kids start the twenty twenty five school year.
I'm sure it can happen. We're manifesting this.
My friend taught me how to manifest under the full moon, so I did that.
Okay, good, I love this.
I mean, what have we got to lose at this point?
Literally? Nothing? Literally nothing like not one thing. All right, let's go to a really quick break and on the flip side, I want to talk about investments and debt and best and worst money habit, So don't go anywhere money direst We are back. I'm gonna talk investments, but I actually want to step a little bit back. When you're in mediation, did you talk about superannuation? Did you negotiate for any what did that look like?
Yes? We did. This was again where he came in very unprepared.
Get it, queen, I love this so much. I'm like deserved, deserved.
Yeah, well, I mean yeah, if you understood how like Beta I had been in my relationship, you would be like, who is this person? Like, I'm just like, let's take control of our life now.
Oh no, he was shocked too. That's what we want. We want to blindside him.
Yeah, So when the subject of super was brought up, he was kind of like, what why do you get my super? Ah?
I love this so much, and you were like, well, actually, here is the research.
Here is the reason why. Well and I didn't even have to say it. The mediator said it, which was even better, and I was like, you know, I took nine years out of full time work, my earning capacity, my earning potential, blah blah blah. And then he's like, yeah, but I'm years older, so I'm closer to retirement than you. And it was like, irrelevant.
We had eight years more to think about this terrible decision, didn't you also.
And as the mediator pointed out, but you also still earn triple what she earns.
I love this mediator, this mediator we know in the background. This mediator was like money, darist, I'm on your team.
Well he was recommended by my lawyer for that reason.
Iconic.
Yeah. And so in the end, part of my negotiating was I negotiated for a higher figure for the monthly payment and said I want fifty percent of your super and he was like, absolutely not to both. And I was like, okay, fine, what about an equalization of super. He was like, what does that even mean. I was like, silly boy, it means we joined them together and then we split them in half. And he was like, okay, fine,
we'll do that. But then the mediator said, well, actually, I don't think the court will sign off on that because that's not a fair division. So in the end, I've gotten sixty percent of you Super.
It's not a fair division. You asked for half, and now you've got sixty percent of you Super. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't laugh at this because obviously, like you know, there's two sides, or there's actually three sides to every story. But like you know, he deserves to be financially secure as well, of course, but like not going in prepared saying that fifty percent's not okay, continuing the conversation, ending up with forty percent. Oh, I love this. So you got sixty percent of your super.
Yep, and now I need to work with my financial advisor about where we put that and how we put that in some super aggressive accounts to make sure that that's doing the most it can do.
Yeah, Oh my gosh, Like that is probably my favorite thing I've heard all day. So where does that put you in relation to the average superannuation balance for your age?
What is the average balance? I don't know. I think it will end me with about one hundred and eighty five thousand in super. Yeah, so that puts you way above and beyond for your age because you're thirty five. So that means that you are doing really well ten out of ten.
I like that is set you up. In a couple of years, you're going to be like, this was the best thing that ever happened to me. Sometimes I like seeing women win, and today is that day. So tell me a bit more about investments now. So you're obviously you've got some superminuation. You now are backup where potentially you could have been had you worked those nine years. What other investments do you potentially have if you don't obviously completely fine? But like, have you thought about it?
What does that look like?
Yeah? So I was always really scared of investing. I always wanted to invest in property. My dream has always kind of been to have like investment properties and stuff like that, but we've just never been in a financial position to do that. But listening to you guys made me just decide not to be so scared of it. So I downloaded.
Chase's Oh I can't, I can't.
I got my ten dollars, I contributed another thirty, and I was just like, well, you know, you've got to start somewhere. I've got to be in it to win it.
One hundred percent.
And I just look, I didn't do a whole bunch of research. I just invested into companies that I buy from a lot and was like, well, I may as well be a shareholder there.
I love this. You're buying from your own business.
There's a lot more research I need to do. I need to like sit down and I need to invest in your investing course and all that kind of stuff when I've got time to sit and.
Do it one hundred percent.
Because I need to do that. I need to And that's what I love about this is like breaking down that barrier, is making it approachable and accessible for just normal people. I think it was just something. This is how the rich kept getting richer? Is it was all this like secretive stuff that the everyday person didn't understand, and now that we can.
It's literally why I left being a financial advisor because the information that I was sharing every single day, I just knew how powerful it was when put into the
right hands. But the hands that I was putting it into were the ones that could afford it, and the ones that could afford it like amazing, incredible, Like I was so happy that I could do that, But it was always in the back of my mind that how much more powerful would it be if it was in the hands of you know, thirty five year old money diarist who has just gone through a divorce and needs that support and deserves to absolutely shine, but wouldn't know
where to start. Like that's what I wanted to do, and obviously I'm so proud that I have, But now I just know that we're in the right place, and we've made financial advice accessible. And I mean, as you said, you've got a financial advisor. Bit like, there is this barrier even with financial advisors where often, especially as women, we just hand over the keys to the kingdom because they're usually male and they can run it for us
and they tell us what we need. But even if you have a financial advisor, going and doing the investing masterclass or listening to the podcast means that you go to those meetings so much more informed, so much more empowered, so much more motivated because you're like, well, actually, I know it's possible. I don't just have this dude that sits down and shows me a graph and says money direst in this many years you will have X many dollars and you go, ah, okay, like you're empowered by
it as opposed to overwhelmed. And I just think it's so.
Smart and just learning those that, like there's been so many like little things that I've learned, because I mean I've like binged like your whole catalog pretty much in the last foremost.
Sorry that you're probably over me, but I'm not going anywhere.
So I love that and just even little things right, because I was like, traditionally, I've always been paid monthly and now I get paid weekly. And I was like, Oh, that's so annoying for like cash flow. But then I heard you guys talking on an episode recently where you were like, it's actually better to pay your mortgage weekly because and I was like, oh.
It is because you save on interest. Yeah.
So then I'm like, actually, that's a great thing. But I get paid weekly.
Yeah, and you can automate it, like you could do a direct like debit and transfer it all automatically so that your money's working super hard for you exactly. Yeah, smart women doing smart things. Money, diriced, I want to know do you have any debt currently or did you come out on top?
We cleared the debts, so that's part of why we've not got much in the property.
Pool clean slate though. That that's how I.
Kind of look at it, is like, let's just start from here. So no debts, which is good.
You from my perspective or an icon like you negotiated his superinnuation. You've come out of it with a really good child support payment. He probably didn't see this coming. He's like this is actually not how I thought this would go. I'm lucky for you, sir, but I feel like you do have a few good money habits. What do you think is your best money habit?
I never buy anything full price. I can't bring myself to do it, especially when it comes to like clothes and stuff like that. I always always wait for a sale, and I often do the like put a cart, log in, make an online cart, and then you log out of it and like close it down, and then they'll send you like, hey, we'll give you fifteen percent off your cart because they're afraid that you're about to go.
Yeah, because like you're a lost cart.
The other good one I do is I love like skin treatments and stuff like that, and a lot of like the big companies, they'll do like sixty percent off day sales, and so I buy, like, for like skin needling treatments, and then I use them over the course of the year because you get them like sixty percent of so that I kind of try to hack the timing.
Oh that's smart, So you like bulk by to make sure that you're getting good value. I love that skin ealing is something that I've wanted to do for so long I have to ask you about it off air because I'm like, what else can I do for my skin? I feel like you hit thirty and it really starts to feel like things decline.
Yeah, and if you couple the skin needling with some laser, all right, all.
Right, I'm on it. I'm on it, all right. I want to know. On the flip side, though, what's your worst money?
Have it? The aforementioned ADHD.
You're just a little bit spendy, a little bit impulsive.
I'm so spendy. I'm so impulsive.
I just am like, we're just a little bit neurospicy, exactly, and I need to get better at that.
But I think and even like learning about like up bank by listening to you guys, like I've started creating all those little tiny accounts, and for me that's already just feeling like I've got so much more control about it. Like, and I think for me to just have this is your pool of money for the month, it just doesn't work. I just go crazy words. If I'm like, you have one hundred dollars a month to spend on lunches, you have two hundred dollars a month to spend on I
don't know, clothes for the kids. Whatever it might be that seems excessive for the kid, but whatever.
It's just a good example.
Yeah, yeah, that really works for me and my brain, and so I need to start kind of really implementing that a bit more bucketing things. Yeah, bucketing I think for me will be really huge. And I think I haven't had my own money and my own control over my money for like ten plus years.
So you are living. I'm actually going to set you up with my Money Masterclass, which has a whole budget and cash flow system for you, and it does it automated, so it is a very bucket system and it integrates
really well with upbank. You can use any bank literally, but like once you get your fun money as well, because I have a food, fuel and fun account and we put our in there every week, and like I've done it based on my spending as someone who is pretty neurospicy, Like this is how I got to manage it, and it seems to work across the board. But it's going to show you how it breaks down and kind of put away the stuff that you need to put away, but then give you access to the things that you
need access to. And I think that that will actually turbocharge your budgeting and cash flow because it plugs into what you're already using. And like, we love a spreadsheet and it has a whole kids section, Like you are going to be absolutely killing it, and I can't wait. Money durist at the start we got on and I was like, oh, this is going to be a bit sad, like this is not going to be great. You know, she's told us that she thinks she's a cautionary tale.
She just said, oh, my money grade's probably DDUS. I'm sorry. What kind of D minus negotiates and gets sixty percent of their ex husband's super inuation? What kind of D minus gets a four thousand dollars a month child support payment? Because they were like absolutely not. Who is that smart that they go to their best friend that they did university with and says, actually, can you let me know
what your career trajectory looked? Like, okay, you were on two hundred and ten thousand dollars and then takes that to mediation and says, this is where I could have been, this is what I'm missing out. Sorry, is that deep minus behavior? Like you might not feel like you're that good at it, but I'm pretty good at judging people's you know, money stories, and yours is telling me that
you are like very very A plus. I mean, you might not feel like you're there yet because you're like, look the I haven't got the house, I haven't got the savings. Like I just I feel like I'm behind. But like, you're thirty five, You've got a clean slate, you've got a great super fund, you've got two beautiful kids, and you are able to afford a very comfortable lifestyle. What do you actually reckon you are after this conversation?
Okay, I love the reframe because I had not considered any of that stuff as part of my financial grading. I was more thinking of my day to day spending habits.
Do I spend too much?
Yeah?
I go to sandwich today.
All right, I will give myself a B plus because I do feel like I'm proud of myself and negotiating real hard.
Oh, you are an icon, and I hope that people listen to this and if ever they find themselves in a similar position, which obviously we don't wish on anyone, but if you do, here's an example of who we want to be in those moments like we want to channel out inner money arrested like literally asking for what you deserve. You weon't even asking for more. You were just like, this is where I would have been career wise, So if we could just make sure that I'm not
missing out, that would be fantastic. Thank you.
Yeah, and I think it's about just no one wants to think about this happening. I certainly didn't. I certainly never thought this was in my life. And there were many times throughout my relationship where I was like, I'm really being a bad feminist. I need to have my own account because like, what if you go crazy one day and I have to leave? And he was always like, don't be silly, Oh.
Don't be silly. You know why you didn't have to be silly because he was.
Yeah, So I would just say to all women, just have your own account with something in it for one day exactly.
I feel like this has been a really good chat. I'm so sad that we don't have more time to chat about literally everything including skin needling, but alas we've run out of time. Thank you so much for joining us. I have absolutely adored this money diary. I feel like yes, it serves as a cautionary tale to make sure that you have your own emergency fund, you've got access to your cash, and that we aren't letting all of those
little steps lead us completely off path. But also that when these things happen, we don't bury our heads in the sand, because if we do, we end up in a worse off position. And you've proved that by not burying your head in the sand, like you've put yourself not only on a clean slate, but you have put yourself in a position where you are going to thrive. And I cannot wait to see it. So stay in contact, my friend.
I will when I finally buy the house, I will tell you.
Oh, I'm so excited. Please tell me. And I hope that we cross paths in person at some point. So thank you so much.
Thank you.
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