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Welcome to the She Rises Podcast.
I'm Ashley and I'm Tiana.
This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
We'd help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
Get ready for your next level of self.
Hello, everybody, Welcome back to She Rises. So excited to be here. Today's a very interesting episode and we've got a bit of a different take on it.
We're going to talk.
About what it is, and then we're going to actually break down things that have been said to us, which is going to be cool.
Get your popcorn.
Get your popcorn.
It's all about projections, Yes, essentially what people have projected on to us in the past, which have been really interesting. Now, some of you might be able to resonate with a few of these projections and maybe have felt this in the past from people around you who maybe have done this to you. Yeah, so let's break it down. What
is a projection? In simple terms, this is my belief, at least in my opinion, a projection is essentially something that you are thinking, feeling, or a belief that you have that you are projecting onto someone else as if it's their own. Now, just for a quick example, the easiest one to be able to understand is projecting what
somebody else is thinking. So let's say, for example, you meet somebody in the gym and you're having a conversation and automatically your mind goes, oh, oh my god, are they thinking about what my hair looks like right now? That is a projection of what you are thinking about yourself.
Oh yes, So.
We automatically put out what we're thinking, our thoughts, our feelings, our beliefs about ourselves onto the other person as if it's their own, and then we freak out as if it's true. Yeah, because in the moment it feels so very true that we take it for truth, and then we automatically get to push that person away.
Yeah.
Wow.
It's very interesting in the online world too, because it's such an easy way for people to try and get it out of their body and the spotlight off them and put onto someone else. And it can be everything from oh they're so disgusting and cringe, or how much they're kissing what a gross looking couple. Is that actually something that you're wanting? Or that person's being braddy and showing off her amazing body. Hmm, that's a projection. Maybe
you're actually wanting to work on your body. It's almost like a shiny mirror back as to what is coming up for you.
Yes, almost like maybe there's this woman that you follow on Instagram and she's very sexually embodied, right, and she maybe loves to dance on her social media stories, and a part of you is like, why the fuck is she doing that?
Why does she feel the need to put that out for everyone to see. I would never do that, yes.
That I would never do that, And like why would I objectify myself? I don't need to do that. That is a part within yourself that you are not giving yourself permission to experience.
Yourself so beautifully put.
Yeahha, And it's a really challenging thing. It's a really icky feeling. But what we get to do when it comes to projections, right, because there's two things that we do, right, there's projections and then there's a trigger that comes after most people.
What fun sounds like a good time, What.
Happens is most people they get triggered by something and then they project They feel the trigger, which is, oh, I would never do that, and then they project it onto the other person and they make it about the other person instead of looking at where can I take responsibility for this myself?
Why is it triggered me?
Why is it triggered I feel when she does that?
Exactly?
Why is this coming up for me? What is this showing and teaching me about myself?
Right?
What we get to do is we get to acknowledge the trigger and put time and space between the trigger and the projection.
It's a freaking skill.
It takes time and effort, but not as hard as you think when you can just be willing to let it all in love, because it takes a whole lot of level of responsibility. Doesn't because it's easy to project, it's easy to go I would never do that. I would never behave that way. Oh my god, why is that person fucking doing that? Instead of looking at what's coming up within me? Why am I thinking and feeling this?
What about myself? Am I actually rejecting within myself? So this is why today's episode it's all about that.
I love it.
Even the sexual comment about a woman being on her Instagram page. When I was doing heels dancing. I had a really cool conversation with a woman who swiped up and said, like, this is disgusting. You should be posting this kind of dancing. This is only meant to be for your husband. I would never wear that, I would never do that. Why do you need to dance like that?
So many projections in one And I remember responding to her through voice and I can't remember exactly what I said it, but it would have been something along the lines of where along the way have you been shamed for expressing your sexuality and your true sexual self? And
she was awesome. I was expecting a white back, but I just wanted to test the waders and see if I could open her mind up and see if she could reflect on what came up for her in that moment, because it was nothing to do about the way I danced or what I wore yah or my facial expression, all the music or anything. It was her stuff. Now we had there's like a half an hour back and
forth conversation. She was like, well, my Mum's always said if I wear something short and tight, then I'm a slut and I'm drawing attention for the wrong reasons and I should be respectful. Just all this stuff came out for her, and in the end she was like, oh my gosh, I think I need a book in a heels class.
I was like, yes, you do, And even if you don't go.
To all class, do it at home. Move your body in a more sexual quote unquote slutty way, drop and spread your legs. Whatever you need to do, but explore that and like, experience the shame come up, let it sit there, let it be there, and then love on it and move through it. It was the most coolest conversation. I just loved how you brought that up because it just resparked my memory of I get that projection when I post.
My dancing videos.
That's incredible.
And when I first saw Misha dancing. Misha owns the studio on the Gold Coast, and we first started going to her when she wasn't as big as what she is now, and I remember seeing her dance on socials and I felt something. It wasn't a negative thing, but I remember it was probably jealousy that I couldn't move like that. But I remember thinking, oh, does she really need to post all of those dancing videos, there would
have been something there. But I caught myself very quickly because I was like, I would love to be that confident to post those videos, and I caught it straight away, and then I just wanted to lean into her more. And I'd love getting to know Mesha and learn about her confidence and what it's done for her to be able to move like that and express like that and be into it with her partner like that.
And I've just found it so.
Inspiring and empowering. So now I want to leave with that. When I post my dancing videos, it's more like that's why I post them. Yeah, I kind of hope those comments come in. I invite them in so that I can invite that conversation.
Oh that's beautiful.
So today we're going to unpack a few different assumptions that have come our way and our thoughts around them, just in case you can relate to them more in cases ever thrown your way. This might give you a little insight on how to look at it from a different perspective.
So let's go with one of yours. First, What has someone said to you?
I was actually having a conversation with a client of mine and we were having a conversation around physical insecurities, specifically to do with like facial features. And we were having this conversation, I was holding space for her. Obviously I can't share anything, it's all confidential. However, what the projection was was that you wouldn't understand what it feels like to be insecure or feel insecure about the way that you look.
Yeah, you know what projections do as well, quickly, it keeps you in victim mentality, doesn't it. It does, She's a victim to her own thoughts.
Then, yeah, you wouldn't understand what this feels like, which is really interesting because I was so insecure, Oh my god, so insecure. I just remember being so young and just feeling probably around eighteen to twenty mark, feeling so unworthy, so insecure, like wanted to get you know, surgeries done, all the things. I mean, I've got implants, for God's sake. I got these when I was eighteen, right, And so that's a visual representation of an insecurity that I had.
And so it's interesting when I do get projections like this of like, you would never understand what it feels like because of the way you look or whatever.
Actually you understand it because you've fully been there.
I'm actually it's the opposite. I'm like, oh my god, I was so deep in it, you wouldn't have any idea.
Yeah, yeah, I.
Remember feeling so insecure and unworthy within myself when I would have a moment of feeling unworthiness and the feeling would come up. At first, I wasn't conscious of this, but I became aware of it. I would get dressed
up and I would put on a nice outfit. I would do my makeup, do my hair, and I would go to the middle of somewhere where it was so fucking busy, just so that I could get validation for people looking at me, because I needed to seek validation outside of myself because I didn't know how to give it to myself, you know. And so it's just a cool thing of like what you may think somebody may not experience or struggle with is just a projection of
what you think that they're experiencing. But we're all human, we all have fears, we all have insecurities, a struggle with certain things that you know, what I see in myself and I feel insecure about. You might not even notice, yes, right, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. It's not the first time that I've had that insecurity from a client and being like you wouldn't understand, I'm like, well, actually I do like more than what you think.
So interesting, isn't it.
I got one that said, you pretend like your kids are perfect and you only post the good things about parenting.
That was interesting.
First of all, my kids are having a tantrum, or they're disregulated, or they're emotional, or they're having a hard day. The last thing I would ever think about doing or do is pull out my camera. I'm not going to do that. That is so disrespectful. But when you hear that, what do you think that parent is feeling. Do you think she's projecting that because she's feeling insecure about her kids being bratty that day?
What do you think would be going through her head?
The first thing that comes to mind is that she's triggered that your life seems like a highlight reel. Maybe she's potentially lacking the good.
Stuff, the good stuff you've been using that word good Yeah.
Yeah, good stuff.
Yeah, maybe feeling I don't know.
That's the first thing that popped into my mind, like feeling like my life's put together because my kids always seem well behaved. It brings up stuff for her that maybe she's feeling a little bit out of control. And by the way, this is us unpacking it as we go. There's no structure here and there's no wrong or right, and you might disagree, and that's totally fine. We're literally unpacking this as we would if we didn't have cameras
and microphones in front of us. But yeah, what I hear from that is similar to what I was thinking, is that she looks at my kids and my life and it looks like it's all structured and in control. My kids are perfect and everything's rosy and amazing. So that brings up her that my kids are out of control and they're having tangents all the time, and my work's a mess, my house is a mess. Why does
it look so easy for her? I'm going to put that on her and bring her down to my level, and then we're going to connect on that.
Yes, Like it's triggering for her to see that you don't have the moments of yes, regulation, tantrums, all of that stuff. She's like, well, why don't you have that kind of al Why aren't you showing that because that's the reality that maybe she's experiencing, Yes, and she.
Wants to know it's relatable alone and there. Yeah, so I can fully see her on that. But I need to tell any mom that is listening my kids to have tantrums. Oh my goodness, Tala girl, Taj he's very sweet and calm. He still has his moments, but Tala, holy moly. She will tell me when she's not happier, when she wants something. But I just will never pull the camera out. It's not something I would ever disrespect
my kids and do. Although the other day she was crying on my real did you see the smoothie time one? And she was like, oh, they get smoothie. I think that's the only time I've showed her crying because I believe when she grows up she will laugh at that. Yes, But otherwise, if they're disregulated or upset or having a tough day, there's no fuck on way open my camera out. It does not mean I don't experience the same things
you do. Yes, parent can feel so lonely, but at the end of the day, we all experience the same thing.
In our own way.
Yeah, I hope any parent's listening me reassuring you that I go through what you do as well, that we're not alone in this journey. And that's why, once again, it's so important to bring mothers together and sister together and to connect and to share and be vulnerable because it helps us not feel alone.
Yeah, you know, what's your next one?
The next one for me is it's easy for you to be confident around other people because it comes so naturally for you.
Oh yeah, this one.
It kind of makes me giggle a bit because I just think you just don't know, like you know, the projections that come through you just you never really know what somebody's past has been like, her experience has been, like, I'd be curious, what do you think It's easy for you to be confident around other people because it comes naturally for you.
They think that you haven't had to work hard, and then they're in victim that it's not fair that they have to work so hard and they're still not there. It looks so easy for her. They're being a victim, which I am not judging.
I'm been a victim honestly.
One of my biggest victim stories was that everyone else has it easier than me. Yep, and I've got it ten times harder. I'm a queen of victim when I was younger, So no judgment here, but I think she's looking at you as if you haven't had to try. You've just been born with this natural gift of being
able to speak and be confident and be beautiful. And it's so hard for her that maybe she's wanting to show up on camera or wanting to show up anyway in her life, and she still doesn't have the courage to. But what we forget is we haven't seen everyone seasoned in chapters to get to that point where they are even meeting on camera. It looks like I'm so natural on camera. Yeah, I've always wanted to be on stage.
But you should have seen the tantrums and fights that Steve and I used to have when we first started out business. He would push me in front of the camera. I was like a two year old having a tantrum. I did not want to be seen. If I stuffed up, I would cry, Literally, I would cry. There's been a long journey, in so much persistence and practice to get to this point where I'm so comfortable with who I am and I know I've got a voice to share.
But yeah, there's a journey for someone to get to where you are right now, but people don't see that, and that's where the projections come out, and you're always feel like you're in that victim energy.
Yeah, so I feel for her, but it's just not the case.
I feel for her too, but I'm also like, honey, if only you knew.
Yeah, and we get to do this work, just like whoever's listening, who wrote that in or has said that to you. She gets to choose to work on it and to see it from a different perspective. Now, when I see some inspiring years ago, I would have made a projection like that.
It's so much easier for them now.
My mind goes, oh, they must have done a lot of work to get there. Yeah, what courses did they do? Who's their coach? How much practice have they had? They've been a stage for three years, five years, ten years. I'm inquiring and almost s talking what they've done and how they've done it to get there. Yes, that's where my mindset's at now. Yeah, so it's cool when you can turn it around.
Oh absolutely, And you know what's interesting, I was once just so the opposite of confident, anything but confident, And I vividly remember, just like this experience has popped into my head of trying to fit in around this group of people that I met in Bondi when I was living in Sydney, and I was trying so hard to fit in, and I just remember feeling so hard to have a conversation flow, yeah, being like I had to think about what I was saying, I had to try
to find topics to talk about, and I just was so in my head that I was the person who sat in the back corner and was mute.
And it has been.
A conscious effort for years. I'm talking like years and years have I've been doing personal development. Now has it taken me to be able to feel so natural when I'm talking or to just yap and be comfortable that I feel comfortable yapping because I'm comfortable in myself now.
But it took really facing all those parts of myself that I wasn't confident in, that I didn't love, that I was rejecting within myself for me to be able to go, hey, I feel comfortable owning all of who I am now really sitting with the anxious part of
me too? You know, it takes a lot of you being able to be okay with that part of you, not judging it, not judging the part of you that wants to be accepted or loved or valued by other people so much that you're in your head while you're sitting in front with.
Somebody going up, do they talk like me? Moment? What am I going to say?
What should I say to make them like me? Like, not judging that part of you so that you can go okay, cool, How can I just have a how can I get to know this person better?
Yeah?
Well, could I learn about this.
Person that might deepen our friendship? I want to get to know this person. It just shifts from you to them.
Yeah.
And then also with time and practice, like what you were saying, some more connection with you doing this for fifteen years on camera.
It's the same thing.
Yeah, yeah, so cool what you got for us?
This son's been a more recent thing, which I have spoken about before on the podcast of For years, I've never wanted to show anything to do with finances because I wanted to stay relatable. I wanted other people to not think I was bragging or rubbing in their face or anything like that.
So now I've.
Started to just show a little bit more of that, whether it's buying a bag that's celebrating a milestone, or going on business class flights with my son or whatever it might be. There's been a few projections that have come in You're bragging by showing us how much I earn. And this one particularly came around I uploaded a photo dump. I upload one of the photos a screenshot of how much high do I made?
Last year? Yeah?
You fucking did?
Yeah?
And that was so for me because you I uploaded straight away you messaged me and you're like, fuck, yes, this would have been hard for you.
Yes.
And I remember even saying to Steve, do you mind if I upload this? And he was like, Oh, go for it. You're gonna get a lot of hate for that, and I said, I know, I'm going to invite it in because I want to practice how I respond and I want to practice being okay, to be proud of myself. And the reason I did it was I actually saw someone else do it and they're in the same industry as what I am, and I saw them and I was like, hell, yes, I was so excited for this
person that I didn't even know. I was like yes, And I remember seeing all these tiktogs is around Black Friday of small business owners setting up their phone and they push launch and you hear their ding ding de stopify sales and then crying and them excited.
I got one hundred orders, I got a thousand orders.
We smashed up Black Friday by times free from last year. I just I get so excited people, I get so happy for them, for everyone to be financially free, that it's just like the goals. By doing something that you love well that makes positive impact, it just makes me so happy. So anyways, sorry, I.
Can really excited about that.
I really wanted to start showing a bit more of that because I didn't want to just be relatable. I wanted to show women that they too can come from nothing and make something of themselves. They can come from no money and earn a lot of money and live a life they're really proud of and provide their kids with really cool experiences and be able to buy the shiny things they've never been able to buy. To celebrate something, or just not even to celebrate just because you fucking want it.
I want to show women that you can do that.
So it's felt very edgy, and that projection comes out a lot, and I understand it because I used to think like that if I saw women uploading their come with me to pray to buy a bag, Like, why do you have to show that? Just go buy it?
Yes?
Can you hear that in my tone? Yeah, it's a projection. I'm triggered because I can't afford to go and buy that bag, and now you're rubbing in my face that I can't afford it. It's got nothing to do with her celebrating being able to buy a handbag. It's all to do with my insecurities and me not feeling enough and upset that I haven't got that money or I haven't worked as hard as what maybe she has.
That's the biggest one, isn't it.
It brings it all up.
Yeah.
So I understand this trigger because I've been there, But like I said, I want to keep inviting it in because it's a really important conversation to have. See what money wounds and triggers you have.
Oh yeah, what you.
Just said is so powerful and something that I resonated with with that specific trigger is oh, maybe I haven't worked as hard as she had. Oh, like one of my old friendships, she was awesome business owner, like a very successful, very impressive human being. And I remember at the time I couldn't hold my jealousy and I couldn't hold that projection. I would be like, oh, it's easy for her. I'd had that projection. It was easy for her.
But what I was refusing to look at within myself was I'm not doing the things that she's doing to get there. And it was having to really admit that to myself, which was very hard to do because it was so much easier for me to project onto her about how much easier it was for her, and just you know, maybe it was who she was as a person and she was more aligned for something like that, or she just had the skills that I didn't have.
But it's not about that at all. It's about owning the part of you that you don't want to sit with, which is part of me specifically that wasn't working for what I wanted. It was like I was saying I wanted all the things, but I wasn't doing the actions, at least not consistently. For me to get the results that I wanted to have.
Oh so, oh so crazy.
But it's uncomfortable things to look at, which is why you can understand why we all at some point project that onto the people who are doing really well.
Be There's a girl I follow, I've showed you her before, Georgie Stevenson. She's a local Goldcoast influencer, and she was the one that kind of led the way for me because she was showing her buying a bag, she was showing her new Tesla, and then she bought a Porsche six months later, and then she's bought this beautiful, big mansion on the beach, and she was proud to show it all and I was so stoked for her. Fuck yeah, and if I felt so inspired by that and lifted
up by that and like, wow, that's possible. Or like you know, when we see podcast hosts make x amount of money or hit their tenoon downloads, I don't see that as a jealousy projection anymore of it. It's easy for them. I'm like, wow, that's possible. Look at what they thank you for showing me that that's possible. Because I don't want to be a victim thinking that I can't achieve that because I had a hard childhood or whatever. No, no, no,
thank you. That's amazing and now I want to be that for other women.
That for me.
I love that There's these two best friends who run businesses together. I can't even remember their names, but I remember the ones that had their cars. They pulled up the Porsches, they got matching Porsches, and I was just like, oh, that's the callst shit. Ever, Like I remember seeing that being like, we can make a video like that, Like we can do that when we, you know, get to
that place as well. And when I see women who buy themselves like a g wagon or something, they got a big bow on it, and I'm just like, you're about us. You've got created that for yourself, Okay, cool. Like I've always believed this, maybe not pre victim mentality, yeah,
not pre victim mentality, but post of victim mentality. I always thought you only need one person to be evidence that what you want gets to be possible for you, because you only need one person ahead of you to proven that it can be done for you to go. Of course I can have this if I work for it.
Yeah, you have to take radical responsibility you do at the end of the day.
Yeah, so cool. It's a powerful conversation, the best.
So the last one that I have is you wouldn't understand what it feels like to have no choice?
Oh, oh yeah, the no choice thing. Yeah, so always have choice.
I won't share where this came from, just confidentiality and all the things. However, it was just a really interesting conversation. There were many projections in this conversation that had around a situation that she had been in in terms of financials and things like that.
I haven't related to money, and yeah.
It was you don't understand what it's like to have no choice, And I just remember having so much compassion for where she was. At course, however, it just allowed me to see really where on her journey she was, you know, and there's nothing wrong with.
That how she viewed the world.
Oh, there's nothing wrong with that. But it's just the projection of you not knowing what it feels like to have no choice. Yeah, and it is very poor me.
It is.
It is, like, I'll be honest, it is very poor me.
And true, Yeah, I've been there.
I understand what it feels like to feel like you have no choice and to feel like all of your options are gone and that there is actually nothing that you can do. However, I have also experienced that and have been in that victim mentality where I thought that there was no way out. But at the end of the day, it is a choice, and you will have to be faced with that victim mentality of feeling so victimized by your life until you decide that you're fucking sick of it.
And until side you've had enough of your own shit.
You couldn't have said it better. You've had enough of your own shit and you're going to find a way out.
Yeah, and there no choice thing.
I think we have all been there where we think there's no way out of the situation that we're in, even if it's not in that moment, You've got a choice to change your perspective on it. Yes, you've got a choice as to what you do the next day to help get you out of that situation, out of that job, out of that relationship, whatever it is. You can make micro steps, Yes, that will help you get out of it.
Yeah, that's powerful.
And you know what, there's nothing wrong with like, you know, you have a bit of a victimy, You're just like, but it's what you do after you said it's some micro moments. It's what you choose after you have that moment. Do you choose to stay in the victim mentality or do you choose to do something about it? Because you will forever feel victimized by your life if you are constantly projecting that no one experiences hardship and you were
the only person, like the universe or whatever. It is like playing a sick fucking joke on you, Like this bitch is going down, Like you know, if we tell ourselves that that's what you're going to create and that's what you're going to see and experience every single time, and everyone will always be on this pedestal of it's easier, it's easy for them. They would never understand when in actual fact, anyone who's ever received or achieved something incredible has worked phenomenally fucking hard.
So many times where they've fallen over and picked themselves back up, so many failures and lessons. No one successful I know has had a smooth journey. Yeah, they've actually probably lost a lot more than what you realize either just haven't shared it, which is obviously fine privacy. They've risked a lot and they've learnt a lot, and they've chosen Instead of being like, oh that's over for me, or that didn't work for me, it's like, Okay, that
path didn't work. I'm to try again over here, and I'm going to risk it and I'm going to try again and I'm going to step up again. It is a choice to do that.
It's been willing to look for the options.
Yes, that's exactly right. Hard to see sometimes it's curiosity. Yeah, we love that.
We do.
Really hope this episode helped you all as we unpacked them. And you will have people project on you all the time. It's a part of life. We all have to deal with it. But it's cool when you can have a deeper understanding as to where it's come from, because then one you don't take it personally, and two you can maybe help them see from a differspective as well and take some responsibility to make changes in their life, which is cool.
We love the growth, We love it all.
We love the growth, growth seekers.
Growth seekers. I love that, you know what I love about the growth seeking? Every time I overcome a challenge, I've become a better version of myself.
Oh beautiful.
And I love knowing what I'm capable of. And I've proven myself so many times before and the challenges I've overcome, things that I would have never thought that I would have had to overcome. I've become a better person, and I'm like, that's what I think this journey is about. It's not about the destination, it's not about the goal the achievement. It's about who you become on the journey.
And that's what I'm addicted to. I'm addicted to just proving myself who I am time and time again, and I just I love that fulure.
Way to live. It's so awesome, so big.
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