Would you tell the other woman? 🥺❌🤦🏽‍♀️😶‍🌫️

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So today's is all about would you tell the other woman?

Oh?

Take it away? Yeah? No? What if we got so?

I need advice. I was single, he was in a relationship with kids. We slept together once. I've regretted it since the moment it had happened, knowing how wrong it was. I've never told a soul, and I assume that he has an either, but it makes me feel sick knowing how wrong it was when I see them around. He has more kids. It's been a long time now, ten plus years. Do I tell the wife or do I let it go? Now that it's been this long. Oh gosh, Oh that's tough.

Holy shit, I don't know. I don't know either. Oh. Half of me is like, why now, what's this going to achieve? Everyone's moved on, And then the other half was like, no, I would need to know. I would want to know if my husband cheated on me while we had children and then went on to have more children, Like, I just feel like I deserve to know.

Yeah, this is a tough one as well, because I just be curious to know what has triggered this ten years later, you know, like, has this been something like you said, like you've been regretting it ever since. But I just am curious on why now the urge to tell her is coming forward.

Is it just your own guilt or are you genuinely feeling like the other woman to know? Yeah? Is it beneficial for this to come out right now? I feel like I would want to know. I would want to be given my own option of deciding if I stay with him.

Or not totally the transparency, like that is.

My decision to make, but it's not someone else's decision to control my life like that, for sure, If I would want to know, if I would hope someone would tell me, And I think I would tell the other woman, but I wouldn't have left it this long.

Yeah. See, I'm so conflicted with this, Like you know, actually, like I'm so big on transparency. I think it's a really important thing. And also owning your mistakes, I think is a really it's obviously really uncomfortable, but it's also a very freeing thing and also for you to start the journey of healing from this experience. Sometimes I feel like it's important to really own your mistakes and be

I think that's going to happen regardless though. Yeah, she has to live with this, she has to do that work on forgiving herself for sure. Yeah. But this is the other one we're talking about. It's the family, it's him. I don't know why. I kind of feel like I'd almost want to reach out to him first and just be like, this is killing me. I'm guessing it's killing you. Is this something that we want it bring up and own up? But I'm guessing he's going to shut it down.

He if they know I reckon after ten years Like, oh, I don't know. The timing is tough because it's ten years later.

If you were in the other woman's position, Yeah, and you found out it was ten years ago, someone came to you and said, just put yourself in that shoes. You've got kids, you're happily married, And everyone came to you and said, I've slept with your husband ten years ago. Here's the details, here's the proof. And it was one hundred percent true. What would you do? Would you be leaving your husband or would you be like, fuck it so long ago?

I want to talk about it, but like they would definitely create cracks in the relationship for sure. Yeah, And I don't know. Obviously I've never been in that situation. But the first thing that pops to my mind is because it was so long ago, I probably would be more inclined.

To get over it. Same, I think so too. But then also it always been a bout in the back of your mind.

But then also in the same breath, I'm like, how could that person hold that in life from me for ten years? Yes, I feel you too, that's the betray I've got a betrayal wound, right and I think that would fucking eat away at me.

So I don't know.

It's like, it depends on how willing I would be to overcome it, how much I loved the person. It would take a lot of consideration, I think it would, I don't know, and a.

Lot of work together with a marriage counselor elounsla her, lacke crop or something.

I don't think it'd be something you'd be able to get through on your own, especially if that person, that woman really values transparency and honesty and she's which likely is very true.

Or and I feel like it would depend on where you were at in your relationship, Like imagine if she wound it back in that time. Because I don't ever condone cheating, I'm not here to say it is right. It is never the right thing to do. I think we can always say no to it, and it's something I will never partake in. But I can also see

I think the decision that you've made to not already tell her ten years later almost is an answer. I feel like no decision is a decision, and maybe this is something that you haven't been ready to own, or you're not ready to have that conversation, or for whatever reason, you felt like you wanted to protect their relationship.

I'm not sure, but.

I think maybe the fact that you've waited so long is your answer. And I'm only going off the fact that you've waited ten years because I think if it was me in the situation, I would tell the person straight away.

Yeah, but what if you didn't.

What if it was ten years later and you were holding onto this. If I didn't, I wouldn't tell you, wouldn't. I don't think I would not after ten years. I either tell them straight away or I just think after ten years I would feel so guilty to break up a family of a decision I made ten years ago. Yeah, but then is that the right thing to do? I don't know.

It's also he's doing as well, that's breaking up the fact, not just this woman. Yeah, I'm really really struggling with this one too. I hear you and saying you don't think you would, but I just know, being on the receiving end of that, I wouldn't want someone to take away my choice. And I feel like by not being told, you're taking away that woman's choice to decide if she's going to be with her unfaithful husband. You're right, Oh, that's her decision to make. That's not up to us.

I don't think it's taking away somebody's choice. Yea be able to decide whether, And like.

Also, like what if so many other people do know about this, and like that poor woman is like the law and I only I will share this. My mum won't mind me sharing it. She I think she's shared on an episode actually that I did with her ages ago, is when she found out that my stepdad was cheating on her. It was like the whole relationship. And she's like, now, in reflection, I'm like, I wish someone even just left an anonymous letter on the front of my car. I

Yeah.

I went to him and then he gasped me and made me feel like a psycho for bringing it up. So just ya hearing hearing my mum say that, I wish someone was brave enough to tell me. So I had the choice to stay or the choice to leave, but I was just gasolt and made to feel so silly for ever thinking he could do that to me and need my whole relationship. Yeah, what if he's still doing it, It could still be doing it. Yeah, that's true.

Listening to you say that, what comes to me is like, transparency is always the best honesty and accountability for your actions. And at the end of the day, I don't think it's your responsibility to protect their relationship when he didn't do that.

I think so too. Yeah, I think the right.

Thing is to like, it's not just about clearing your conscious it's about choosing who you want to be and who you are choosing to be. Today and not who you were ten years ago. And there are definitely things in my life that I've done, what I've fucked up, and I've made shit decisions, and taking accountability for those things, no matter how painful, were always the thing that helped me heal through it the most and actually came a better person on the other side of it.

So I'm just feeling so sick for this woman that has children and a man that she loves that she thinks is honest, and her whole world's about people they dropside down. Oh man, Yeah, this is such a heavy one. Thank you so much for that.

Thank you for And the bravery is the courage. Yeah, yeah, this it's not easy to talk about, Like this is what this advice segment's for. And I don't know if I've helped, but I think it's a really important conversation to talk about.

And too. Also if anyone has ever considered cheating, or maybe you're in a situation right now you're attempted to cheat. Just no, this isn't just about you. Yeah, it could be destroying and flipping so many people's worlds upside down, the those little kids involved. Like it's just I always think like cheating for a couple of minutes of pleasure, Yeah, but actually worth it? Yeah, that does not seem worth

Yeah, I think that's the whole like acting on emotion thing. It's like, can we just look at maybe where you're at and what you're doing and what you're experiencing right now and go, Okay, what's not working? Why am I not getting the things that I need? And how can I find that in a productive way as opposed to something that will create so much chaos in my life that I'm not going to be able to recover from.

This is such a tough one. Feel for your babe. We would love an update. Yeah, that would be awesome. Whether you're deciding not to continue, we'd love to hear from you why you're not yep. And if you do decide to tell the woman, we'd love to hear how that went and how you went about it too.

Yeah.

Are you going to go straight to her, You're going to go straight to him? Are you going to contact them both?

Or if you need help deciding on how to communicate that with her. You can also put that in as anonymous sufficient and we can probably help you with that too.

Definitely. Oh man, it's a big one. Yeah, please give us an update. Yeah, we're sending your lots love. We know this is easy and we don't judge you. Yeah, happen, People make mistakes. Yeah, humans are messy. You're younger. It's a hard situation to be in, and you can even hear in us. We're not sure what would do. I think I would tell her though. Yeah, so we really feel for the position that you're in. And oh, good luck, Yeah, good luck, and thanks dropping that in. We have soon. Hie By