The unconscious mind & emotional intelligence 🧠 Inside out with Kris

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We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the land on which we gather today and pay our respects to their elders past and present. We extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.

Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm ashy, I'm Kiara. This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level up together.

Let's go deep, let.

The emotions flow, and find the lessons to grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow and we're here to be your expander. Hi guys, welcome to Grow and Glow.

We have got a special guest here today. So exciting.

We have got Chris, also known as Inside Out with Chris. Chris is a master NLP practitioner and personal development coach that is taking strides in the industry to help women take radical responsibility of their lives, unlock their full potential, and tap into their unconscious desires.

Beyond her incredible as a life coach, she's a devoted mum, stepmom, and wife. Her unwavering passion for personal growth and authenticity drives a commitment to her client's success and the ability she has to deliver is bang on tangible information and task to transform her client's lives in such a short amount of time is single handly way everyone should experience the world inside Chris vortex. That is me. And you're a very busy person. You're a mom, you're a stepmom,

I don't. That is the job. I actually don't. And I think that's so important for women who are in business, who are moms, who just need to lean into the concept of you actually don't have to do it all to have it all. You do have it all, but you don't do it all at once, right like never s.

Yeah, I absolutely love the way you've worked about So tell us a little bit bit about yourself, curl.

So, I am a personal development coach, mindset, business, life, relationships, everything in between. I've got my master's in NLP so neurolinguistic program so near being the mind, linguistic being communication and language, and then programming being our limited beliefs and like they're programming right from childhood and teenagers and things

Steve this is called Wow, your hands are full. And with your coaching, is it one on one? Is it groups? Is it online programs, is it a bit of everything? Yeah?

So I love one on one. I find like close proximity is where the biggest transformative results can happen. Like, I'm a coach that really doesn't allow anything to go unturned, So I'm like, I will call it as I see it. I'm very intuitive with how I operate. I want women to feel safe and in a judgment free zone. Right at the same time, I'll call you on your shit, like we're not here to play small. We're here to go all in.

You're not there to tiptoe around things. We're not straight to it.

That's it, and one on one's the only way to kind of do that.

Other do you find you attract those clients in or do you still get some that get quite triggered and like scared.

If you're not triggered working with me, then like it's silly, that's.

The podcast, Or like if we don't trigger you, then we're doing something like.

For me, I like to reframe it to activate it. If I'm activating you, I'm going to get your results. If you're not activated, let me know. Let's talk that out. Let's unpack why you're not letting me do that.

It's almost like exercise too. It feel like if you go to the gym and you walk out, you're like, oh, that was a nice but you didn't work hard. Do you want to be gassed and feeling burned and going wow, I gave that one hundred percent.

Yeah, if I'm not sure I'm not doing enough, which you know that one hundred percent mentality, I ton't want that all the time for myself, Like, yes, the nervous system needs us to slow down and we need to do our Yoga or polity is a different style of movement. Right when we need a walk, let's go for the walk. We know when we connect with our bodies what we need. But I think that you know you're going in for a high intensity workout, do the workout hundred percent.

Same thing with coaching.

You're going in for a one on one you want to get out you can that's.

What you're paying for your pain to really dig deep and get to know yourself and do the work that you kind can't do by yourself. You're really tapping into that unconscious Can we talk a little bit more about that, actually, because you know that's something you really specialize and help them with. What is the unconscious mind?

So we operate from our unconscious mind ninety five percent of the time. Why we do it, honestly, is life changing. Once you become aware of that, you cannot unsee that. So the things you do, the conversations that you have, the decisions you make, the limitations you create, they're all deeply embedded in your unconscious and you have fundamentally created these limitations in your belief system between the ages of zero and seven. And that's how imprint like. They are

So how do you do that with your clients?

So with my clients in NLP, we utilize a process called emotional change therapy. So what that is. It's a really powerful visualization process. It releases stagnant trauma and it can also release limiting beliefs. So the way that it feels is almost like meditation. It's soft, it's not nasty or harsh or altering their state, Yeah, and takes you on a bit of a journey and you get to

How long are they fall like when you do like the meditation type thing, Yeah.

Act can be about twenty minutes depending.

Y're okay? Cool? Yeah. Would you say that's one of your main tools that you use with every single client or just like one of the many.

Yeah, No, it definitely is, because it's so powerful. It's like why did I do anything else beforehand? Kind of thing.

That's how it feels the first session straight up, you're into doing.

Tho you need to be ready. The client needs to be ready, right, So you need to be body and you need to be really available to open up to the unconscious because a lot of thoughts and feelings will play out that you might not have been aware of, right, and they're deeply better, So like little memories might pop off and things like that. So we'll explore that a

Of people in denial that they're conscious and they're living very consciously.

Some things that come up, and this is what I preframe and start. I'm like anything that comes up. Example, if you want to say frog, say frog, I don't care what the word is, it's going to make sense, Like it'll make sense eventually. It's kind of like doesn't make sense to them why they're saying it, so they'll question themselves. But once it's embedded that no, it's actually safe to say whatever words are coming to mind, Like that's your own conscious, trust the process, stay with me

Yeah, your sessions around an.

Hour fifty minutes. Yeah, it's enough. We get where we need to be every time. And like, I'm very intuitive with how the session is going to go. So in some instances, like I'll jump onto do AC ten, I'm like, you don't need.

That today, we're going to explore this.

We're going to unpack this area.

I think it's important coaches do that. Brother saying he does that too, Like sometimes he'll go into a session and he has no idea how he's going to help them, because it's like what you're feeling on the day, what you're struggling with, and then he'll navigate it from there. And I just say that intuitive healing is so beautiful.

Yeah, absolutely agree. Could not agree more.

And with your demographic or what kind of women are you working with or what are you finding they're struggling with most in today's society, because we obviously have a podcast, there is a lot of mums. We find there's a lot of anxiety, a lot of relationship troubles, a lot of self worth issues. What do you find women are struggling with most when they.

Come to you one hundred percent self worth. It does play out. But I also feel that for the high level women that I do work with, they mostly have and this is not all of them. Their mums or their business owners and they're doing the mom thing as well, or they're having issues in their relationship, but they are stuck in victimhood.

Oh interesting, which.

It's a self worthing of course, but the victimhood mentality. And I'm like, if we start taking responsibility of self in all areas, let's see what magic happens.

That's life changing, isn't it? Mentality? And much to just holds you back.

Radical responsibility is the game changer, Like if you can take ownership for everything in your life, like specifically, once you start having radical responsibility and you make or adopt the mindset of it's always on me, no matter what, it's on me. If I'm late for work, it's on me. If I'm lated to this, it's on me. What did you do in the morning that made you late? Like, you can't blame you can't blame the kids, you can't

And you think about it, if your partners always blaming you, has that feels. But if your partner's always taken responsibility, it's such a trait that I admire and people that's really love.

Yeah.

Yeah, It's not an easy thing for most people to do.

It's a been unco comfortable for I think a lot of people to be like I am wrong or it's my fault.

It easier to just point the finger, right.

Vulnerability is your superpower. If you take ownership in all areas, that means being sorry, That means being so self aware that you own your shit. Vulnerability is your superpower. Just let that happen. Then cultivat into your relationships, into your health. Like, if you're not happy with yourself, what are you actually doing about it? Right? Like I'm already just talking about it. Yeah.

I hear a lot of people say like, for you to be vulnerable, you need to be in a safe environment. With safe people. But I now think I would have said this like six months ago. I now think it takes a level of safety in my own body to be vulnerable regardless of what anyone's going to say or their reactions. I feel safe and sentered in my body. I've got the strength to do it absolutely.

And that comes back to like writing responsibility again, what are you doing to connect with your body? What are you doing to support your nervous system a to anger into feeling grounded, and like, if you're not doing those things, you're gonna feel disregulated. Things are gonna play out leaky like cool behavior plays out. And if I'm taking ownership of that, well it's on you.

Thank you for the work that you do. When I said this to Bright as well, like any life coaches, because I would not be who I am and where I am today without having a life coach. I always have had one for the last ten years, and I've swopped and changed depending on what I've needed in my life at that moment. But the work you do and how much you can transform someone's life just by being there for them, it's freaking incredible.

Yeah, thank you. I went through really big experiences having worked with coaches myself as well and mentors over the last decade. And you know, prior to that, it was you know, the teenage years of whatever issues I was going through back then and working with psychologists or counselors, and what I experienced was that they were really governed by a body, right, they were governed by the time that we had together and what they could and couldn't say.

Yeah, and no one to talk to. Now Now what do I do?

What do you mean? I'm so sad? Like how do I be happy? Now? Yeah? And I never want anyone to leave me.

For So if they do a session with you and then three days later they get activated or triggered or something in their relationship with something work happens, they're like, hey, Chris, what do I do with this?

Absolutely?

We sometimes swear on here please do you're you know, within your boundaries. You're then like, I've got you, Okay, this is what we're going to do.

Yeah. Absolutely, Like I get up pretty early for fifteen, so I will see any messages overnight. I've got like forty five minutes before I start at the gym. So

Was on my phone.

Yeah, it's like okay. So the word emotion is linguistically speaking, energy in motion. So it's like, let's get up, let's move your body. That can just be sitting outside with a cup of tea watching the sun rise. That can be just laying on the ground and stretching. I don't care what it is. Just get up and let's move through the energy that's sitting within you, and then we can see how you feel after that. And nine out of ten times they're like, oh I I'm okay now, thank you.

But imagine if they waited two weeks until the next appointment with you. All that time they've just carried that anxiety. Yeah, I know for me too, Like I just feel like I grew up in a household that wasn't very safe. So having a life coach that I have access to, like say, like what you do, it gives me that sense of security so I can continue the work. I don't have to park it until my next appointment. So valuable.

Oh absolutely, It's been, you know, life changing for my own healing journey. So I just think that I want to give that to every single woman that I can and make as much impact with that as I can, because like you don't know until you know. I wish my mum had a life coach when I was a kid. I wish my Arnie's got to experience, you know, thriving lives like I'm doing at the moment and just feeling great all the time. Like imagine if you felt awesome all the time.

I know, and it's possible, like you kind of have access to that.

Yeah, And like vibrational frequency wise, like being neutral in the terms of emotion is something that everyone could just adopt and that will be life changing as well, So that if you're experiencing a low vibe or a low grade frequency where it's like anger, jealousy, hate, whatever, you can come back to neutrality really quickly. And that's what I can do. I'm dysregulating and I come back. It's like thirty seconds. I can do the work, and I'm like, Okay, I'm cool.

Not let it drag on the whole way.

Yeah, let's not go back and forth text messages or writing down everything I want to say and being strategic or like stalking someone's page. Like that's all behavior in my opinion, So I don't want to do that for myself behavior.

Ye.

So what you saw as well, Chris, is that you speak a lot about emotional intelligence. Actually know, I haven't really done much work around this, and we're really intrigued taut to you a little bit about that too.

This is something I say my son is he's very emotionally intelligent. Yes, and I think he's very aware of his emotions. He can articulate his emotions really well. His teacher says it as well. But yeah, when I read that, that's something you specialize, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I need to know more.

I think that it's very much girls are both emotionally intelligent people. Like that's self awareness, it's writing, corresponsibility, it's personal growth. It's a growth mindset. So in all of the schools at the moment, they're really teaching kids to have a growth mindset and utilize this language a lot. And I think it kind of maps to what emotional intelligence actually is. It's essentially a label on self development

Yeah, because really that's like cool thinking about as well, like how do you go about, you know, being surrounded by other people who might not be so emotional intelligent and do you have any tips for handling.

People like it in your Yeah, people.

Are doing the best with the tools they have at that time. That's the first lesson compassion. Secondly, all behavior is changeable. If they're open to it, you can share how you can support them or that there's options to change how they feel. And Thirdly, it's just about not taking it on as your own, taking your personally. It's not you the fact that they are reactive or explosive.

We need to defend, validate me like I thought everyone's supposed to like me.

And that's how inner child wanting to be liked and loved. But when you have neutrality and you have emotional intelligence, you can manage that by just integrating the belief around this is a you thing. But if it's a friend or someone you love, be like, I've got you. When you're ready to unpack this more if you want to. If not, I don't tolerate that behavior and just move along. And also everyone's on their own timeline. Just because I'm doing the work doesn't mean my family's all doing the

So much of this is like nervous system regulation. How we always talk about this, like everything that you're growing through and trying to navigate through, the more you can regulate your nervous system, the more you'll be able to see things clearly and not be reactive and just stay centered throughout it all. But that's a lot of work, Like we're still actively working on that all the time.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, just keep evolving. Like that's my main message to women. It's like, don't stop. It's a new level on new devil no matter when you get to that height of like you're like, I'm at my peak, everything's great, She's gonna come right. I get ready for it, prepare for it, and just keep moving. And that's why I've worked with some of my clients for like over two years, and they continue to reinvest with me. And I know why they do because they know the value

The baseline was here and now it's here in they're climbing up.

Yeah, And like, I'll continue reinvesting in myself because I know I'm wor and I deserve to know everything I possibly can about myself. I want to unpack my shadows. I want to get to the like the peak and go, Okay, what else is there? What else is available? Let's keep going.

Yeah, I haven't done much study around it. I know you've done a little bit on NLP therapy. I would love to hear more people that are listening and I have to go, what the hell is that? Yeah? Could you break it down for us? Yes?

So NERO for M is mind and then linguistic is our language, and communication and programming is our patterns, so behaviors and things like that. It's why we do the things that we do. It's tapping into your unconscious desires. Like I've had a beautiful client of mine who was climbing the corporate ladder and then discovered that she wanted to own a business. And now she's owning a business

But I still be good enough if I don't have a business, correct, Like what does success mean to me?

And she thought it was being an entrepreneur owning a business and it's not success. Was feeling regulated, was supporting a fil system. I think that NLP is so powerful because of the way that we explore the mind, the unconscious mind, and we utilize the language stuff in this as well, so your unconscious mind will not process negatives. So what that means is if you say I don't feel good enough today or I feel really shitty, and you're staring at the minute like fuck, my has not

Yeah, that's so cool. Yeah, how does that look like? If I was coming to a session and say, I'm having all these negative thoughts, I hate myself, i hate what I'm doing, I'm not happy.

We'd start exploring like all areas of your life, and probably the starting point of zero is seven. What that looked like specifically, right and right back? Take it right back, start from the start, and then we'll go seven to fourteen and then fourteen to twenty one, and then we'll talk about the now how are these things specifically impacting them now? And in that session you would probably experience like a lot of learning. It's a lot of this is why you do this, or I might take a

Once you know, when you understand, then you can have the awareness around it, and then you'll give me tools and tips to be able to change and do practice doing things differently, and that too takes time.

Yeah, and look, the starting point can be you know, for women that are stuck in the masculine right, which.

For a lot of business owners so common these days.

It can support us and it can hinder us in terms of out growth. So little things like I might task a client, ah, you might be like how often you wear black? And she's like every day? Great, So I want you to go and get a floral dress. It can be sure, it can be long. You can do what you want with a dress. I don't care it just needs to be colorful and she's like, I don't do that. I'm like, yes, you do now with your husband and be more regularly in that, Like you

Well so powerful. Something we've also been discussing so much of lately.

Sounds like you do so much work, which is awesome, and you're also like cool people out on their bullshit, but then know all of the bits and bobs surrounding feminine energy, which I feel like a lot more women this day and age and needing that, then needing someone to be like, is this actually what you're wanting? And like, what's your ideal you know life look like like? Because it can take huge change.

Life coach, just really ask questions you've never really asked yourself, if no one else has really asked you, and you're like, holy shit, okay, is that what I actually want? I don't feel like that why am I doing that?

Though?

If you don't know, you don't know.

And I just encourage everyone to do it before kids. But if you've got it to do it.

Yeah, it's so much harder with kids. But once again, that's why having a lar coat, you're having support is so important because trying to navigate that and regulate yourself, why you're trying to look after and regulate their emotions, it's just a lot even trying to.

Learn, like learn about yourself or like if you want to read something, it's so much harder and more time versus going for like a one hour of woymen you like learn so much, Like, oh my gosh, it's so true.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Look, I'm going through different experiences with the four kids, three girls, one boy. My son is five, and like you'll probably understand as well that their emotions can be so freaking consuming. And teaching my son to release healthy younger has been like pivotal for us, like taking him to like so he's allowed to go in his room and be as angry as he needs to be. You are not allowed to throw toys at the wall.

I feel like with men these they don't if you agree, But it's either one or the other. That are either very violent and loud and aggressive or they are a complete avoidant and they'll shut down. Give a lot of women coming to you.

Yeah, and intuitively, I believe that that is the reactive and explosive seen the behavior that they've witnessed it learned behavior. And if it's the other way, they probably had a non present mum. All right, So it's that they'll go inwood because they didn't have that nurturing. That's safeness to be vulnerable. So they're really sensitive and vulnerable right in themselves because they actually.

Don't know how to communicate what they do and they've probably had to just deal with it by themselves. Yeah, yeah, to grow up really fast. You can all relate to a man that's gone through that. It's sad, Yeah it is. You see that like little boy in them that just wants to be heard. I justn't know how to them voice it. Yeah. Yeah. We talk about self development all the time with both head coaches for years. We love learning all the time and love having guests like you

Yeah? The hard asking me wants to go just quickle yeah yourself and book on the other and like, I'm relatable and I'm nice and anyway, but the other side of me is like I see you, I see you in it. It's hard and it feels scary. But go and grab a photo of when you were seven. This age always comes up for me in the work that I do. Grab that photo, go and look at that little you and actually speak to her for a second and ask her what does she need? Do you want

And I love all those questions you asked at the start. It's like, if you're listening to this right now and you've been wanting to get a coach and you've felt scared, and all those questions that christ just asked, are you

It's like hard to go to your first session, But how hard is it if you never decide to God?

Yes?

And I think like it'll feel like a stretch as an investment, because what happens is if it was free, you wouldn't give a shit.

If you don't know.

You don't care, Like if it's nine dollars a week, you're not going to care. I need you to care enough about you to want to change, and if you don't, then I'm not the coach for you.

And if you want radical change, you to take radical responsible. If you want change in general, you have to do things differently.

Absolutely, yeah, so frequently. Could not agree more.

Oh, I absolutely love that.

Thank you so much, Chris.

Going on today?

Where can everyone find you?

Inside Out with Chris Kris at Little Symbol But that's pretty much everywhere I am. So that's on Instagram, that's on Instagram, on YouTube, Facebook, My website is inside Out with Chris dot com.

Do you and they can book one on one session?

Yes?

Do group calls?

No? No?

No, group.

I like the personal life and really like be spoke kind of coaching where we don't go all in. So you're in Newcastle so they can be face to face. Yeah, in NEWI we can definitely do it face to face. Look, the zoom is so much easier. But yeah, just jump on and book that discovery call. It's on my website. Get in and get it done. We can have a chat about what you want, where you want to be, and really set some intentions for the end of the year.

I think other people think you have to wait till the new year to like start fresh. Lit. You still have the whole second half of the year if you want that to look different to the first time. Is your opportunity.

Absolutely, I'm not a Monday mindset. Girl. Well let's do it now, like next intention, next step.

Beautiful. We thank you so much for being here. Hopefully we have you on again Monday soon. Yeah.

I would love that.

Thanks girl, Thank you