Apode Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
Get ready for your next level of self.
Welcome back, guys, Back in your ears four times a week, which is so cold, loving all the feedback and all the different variety of the episodes.
You girls like variety like we do, and we know you're gonna be loving it. It's just so fun.
And She Rises like a box of roses. You don't know what chocolate are you gonna go? You never know.
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Aboutally wout tooting your own horn? OHI if you're not gonna toot our own horns, no one's.
Gonna do well.
I'm gonna do it too, too, mother, Just kidding. Today's episode is all about something that you might find yourself getting trapped in. So are you mistaking inspiration for perfection? We want to talk about the petis trap and how easy it is to pedestal others and how easy it is for us to get caught up in people being this perfected, idolized version of who we think they are, and what tends to happen to our sense of self when we are prioritizing and putting people so high on
a pedestal, and where we end up as well. So we kind of want to talk about that, overcoming that and how to stop pedestaling people, bringing them back to neutral and bringing yourself up as well.
Definitely, something someone said to me, I cannot remember who said it to me, might have been Katie Ford, but something she said to me was, whoever you put on a pedestal will always fall off. No one is exempt from being human and making mistakes. Yeah. I love that. And when we put someone on a pedestal and say they make a mistake, we are left with so much disappointment. True, and we make up all these stories about oh I thought they were this person or I thought they did this,
and it's like you almost dehumanize them. Yeah, it doesn't matter if you're a celebrity, a social media influencer, Mum, humans, this is all of our first time living. I think some people have had other lives, but like we're all learning as we go. I don't like the whole pedestal thing, yet I do it. The person I put on a pedestal is my coach Taylor. Yeah, and I literally said
that to him. It's like, stop doing that. I'm like, but you are, You're a mat Like he's perfection in my eyes when it comes to a human being, like the best heart, so knowledgeable. Yeah, his wisdom, his lessons, his playfulness, like good dad, he's a great dad. Like everything about him. I'm like, you are up there. I've never seen him lose his shit or say something negative or I don't know, just fall off his pedestal that
I put him on. Yeah, he stays up there, but I know it's not productive or beneficial for him or for me.
And we talked with celebrities as well. Yeah, I've definitely done it. I've done it to celebrities. I've done it to people in my life, best friends, like business coaches, because you just have so much love and admiration and you're inspired by them and you just think they're the best fucking human. And I do that with you. I love you a pedestal too, you know, And so it's just it's so easy to do because we have much admiration for others. But it also sometimes with that admiration
for others comes immediately putting ourselves down. It does, doesn't it, Because it's like, well, if this person's up here, then I'm down here, yes, you know, And that's an interesting thing to do because sometimes we think. You know, the way that I used to think was that two powers couldn't exist at once. Yeah, you know, it's like, oh wow, this person is so incredible and intelligent and beautiful and amazing and you know, a good mum and all these things.
And it was like automatically that meant that I couldn't be that too. It was like there was no room almost, you know.
It's such a good way to put it.
Yeah, it was like, oh, well, if this is true, then what that means I'm automatically down here. And then it's like self deprecating and it's like, oh, well I'm not as smart, I'm not as beautiful. And you go into comparison and there's a really slippery slope from there.
It's a very slippery slope. And then on the other side of that is when people put you on a pedestal, which I have experience, and I was talking to you about it the other day. It's a silly example. When I was in the fitness industry and I was leanest, fittest, like look at my best. Peoplet me on a pedestal for always eating perfect and being perfect and having my
life together and all of it. And I remember grocery shopping so many times and like someone had done my program, like look at my troul and be like, oh my god, do you eat that. I didn't if you ate that, I thought you were only clean eat that's what your diet plan is about clean eating. But you've got chocolate in there. Yeah, And I'm like, oho, I felt this immense amount of pressure, yeah, to be perfect with my eating all the time because I looked this way and
I sold a clean any diet plan. I was all about whole food eating. There was no room for me to be balanced or enjoying my snacks or treats or whatever. I was like, oh gosh, But that was up to me to change that narrative, for me to teach and communicate. And it doesn't have to be one way or the other. But just to bring me back down to like, I'm still a human. I get emotional and emotionally eat. Once I started talking about that, I think it brought me
back down to being a human humanized me. Yeah, but it was up to me to openly have those conversations and not pretend that I was perfect. Yeah, I think I had. Yeah, probably done for way too long. I was like, yes, I love eating healthy and cleaning. I still do now, but I like to eat ice cream.
Yeah, we like a snack.
I eat ninety percent or gadding, but I still like to fake ten. Yes, yes, I use the best of the best products, but I like a spray of perfume shoot me.
Yeah, she liked to smell good.
I am not perfect in everything you do. But when you put someone on a pedestal, you're putting a lot of pressure on them to maintain this image and box that you've put them in.
Yeah.
Once again, not productive for you or for them or for them. Yeah O true.
I remember having a friend one time pedestal me a little bit, and I always remember feeling a little bit uncomfortable with her because I felt the pressure of being like, oh, well, you don't do anything wrong and I'm like, no, I
fuck up all the time, you know. And I think she used to compliment me a lot on like my wisdom, and you know, she's like, we always know the right thing to say, and I was like, but no, I don't, you know, because I care and I have experiences that have helped me get a level of wisdom that you know, maybe is beneficial for you at the time. But then I was like, fuck, Like now I have to always have the right thing to say, and I can't never have nothing to say and just be quiet or you know,
not say the right thing. And I just want yeah, I just remember feeling like what you were saying. Now I need to uphold this thing of like I always have the right thing to say and I always know what to say and give good advice and all that sort of stuff, and.
This perfect person that they've made you out to be.
And then I absolutely did that all I wanted to do. I constructed my life around being well spoken and having the right thing to say and always being well presented and being smart and all that sort of stuff. And I was just like, I don't feel like that like all the time. Just want to be me, And how much harder is it to connect with people when they see you in that way where you're not allowed to make any mistakes. I feel like I'm limited to what I can actually do and be within this dynamic.
You're not being authentic, no, all of you. Yeah, the polished perfection version of you that you think they want you to be, to be loved and accepted.
Yeah, And then if you don't show up? Is that then what happens if I if I don't project it, will they leave me? Am I not good enough? Are they going to judge.
Me more than yeah, someone else? I want to be that person?
Yeah?
Yeah? Interesting?
Isn't it so crazy? I remember this time I had a business coach who was also my best friend at the time. I just like pedestaled her so much, just for everything like business and life and the way that
she parented and all that sort of stuff. And it just became to a point where it actually became unproductive because in the moments where I had her on this expectation of like her being superhuman, we actually had a conversation around her saying those things to me and being like, I feel like I can't be anything else, Like I can feel the pressure and the pedestal, and like, because then I would get disappointed if something, you know, she didn't show up the way that I wanted her to,
all the way that I expected her to in my mind. Then I would get really like in thoughts. You know, it's like when you put a celebrity up on a pedestal and you know, let's say example, you know Justin Bieber, he's a child star whatever, and growing up he was really good doing all these things. But then he got into his teenage years and then he started doing silly things and getting arrested and drinking and middle teenager just being a teenager, and then everyone is like, why are you doing that?
That's why would you show.
Up like that?
Yeah, that's right an example, Yeah, yeah, and so make mistakes basically, yeah.
And I just remember feeling like this was obviously not productive for her or me because it damages a friendship. For one, you can't connect, there's no vulnerability. There's almost like this invisible barrier between you and that person because you're not on the same wavelength. I just remember feeling like overly disappointed about certain things because I had all these expectations and even that for me to project it onto her.
Is so unfair.
It's just unfair to do it, and it's unfair for that person to receive it as well.
It's both ends, isn't that I'm late? I put Levi on a pedestal. Yeah, for so many years. Yeah, and it really prevented us from having a beautiful friendship. We have a really beautiful friendship. We have like a really nice bond, very similar on so many levels. But for years I put him on such a pedestal that I could even talk in front of him. Sometimes. He was just, in my eyes, the smartest, most knowledgeable person when it comes to health, fitness, business, like everything that I wanted
to be. He was my business partner. I would struggle to like give ideas or voice my opinion or ask him a question because I thought he thought I was dumb. Yes, and if it would look at me in a certain way, I'm like, oh my god, he's judging me.
Yeah.
I just could not be myself around him. And I used to say he did, I'm so scared of Levi. I'm so scared to like talk to him to suggest things. I just and then one day I just pulled my fucking head out of my own asshole.
That's like, what the hell are you doing? Yeah, and I just got over it.
I got over it and I pulled him down and I was just like, this is so stupid. And then our friendship can actually start to develop because we could just be our souls around each other. I actually should ask him if he ever felt that from me, because I never really communicated that's what I did to him. I always told him, I complimented him, you're so smart, so you said that. He never denied it. But I wonder if he ever felt that pressure for me, because once I kind of let that go, we just developed
a beautiful friendship. And I also then was like, oh, yeah, he's smart and he's great. Perfect example. You ask LEVI is a pistachio healthy, most people just want to yes or a no or yep. They're full of great healthy fats. Don't over consume them. They're quite calorie dnse just a little broken down version, right, you ask LEVI is a pistacio healthy. He will give you two a four pages all about starchios and you'll probably read it and half
the words you've never heard of in your life. So he was doing this in our business to these girls that wanting to lose weight or want it to be healthy, and I'll be like, what the fuck is he just written? So I realized he had his strength and the knowledge, but I had the strength of breaking it down in a way that women could actually understand. We're a really good team because some things actually don't know or I'm
not qualified dancer. He's qualified natural path and nutritionist, so he's always kind of be in the backbone of everything that I've done. But I could see my strength and see his. So I took them off the pedestal and it kind of just evened us out, and I'm like, let's work together. Yes, And from there, like I just felt like our business grew, our relationship grew. Everything felt
so much better. It was a huge lesson for me to be like, why do you put these people up so high and then you push yourself so far down that your old stories. If I'm too dumb, I'm not capable, I can't do it, just like linger, Yeah, And it prevents you from growing and developing as a person or in your business, and it stops the connection.
It really does.
What you just said about how it made you show up is so true. Self inflicted right, we pedestal somebody else, and then it makes us show up in a really incongruent way or inauthentic way. I remember with this friend of mine, I never wanted her to see me where I was at with money because she was really like
thriving in her business and stuff like that. So I was like, oh, I felt shame around this, and because she was doing really well in that, I was like, oh, I need to be seen as this too, And so I was showing up incongruently because I never wanted her to judge me for that, even though she would have never judged me for that, but it was my own shit of like pedestaling her and then making her this superhuman and then being like oh fuck, like if this
superhuman wants to spend time with me, I've got to be superhuman too, And then it put pressure on me to perform, and then it was just like, of course you're going to go separate ways when you can't connect correctly in a vulnerable way.
That's so true. I remember even the time, so I went to festivals like partied a bit. Yeah, we had like I did a surprise birthday for Steve one year, and we were all partying and having a good time. But like none of us wanted to be around Levi because he was so healthy and didn't party that we excluded him. Yeah, we thought he was judging us and jawing us for as as a matter of fact, you probably don't give two shits. No, I to celebrate and have a good time, and yeah, in his own way,
which is what I do now. I don't drink anymore, and I wouldn't judge other people for doing it. Like I've got Chess's hens coming up and guarantee I'll be the only so there. Yeah, they're all going to have a big fun night. Yeah you do you Yes, But I look back on that night now, I'm like, oh wow, we really would have left him out and he would have then felt like so isolated. Yeah, like why are they leaving me out? Why do they want to hang with me? Why do they want to party with me?
Just because they do it different to you? So it does It really prevents you from having a beautiful connection and yeah, you're not showing up authentically, and then you feel shamedful what you're doing, you know, just like owning who you are and what you want to do for your life in that moment.
It's so true.
Nah, this is such a cool conversation actually, like exploring both sides of what happens when you pedestal somebody, how it feels, how it might feel for that person.
This is cool.
It's almost like it gives even for me just listening and having this conversation with you, it's like a deeper understanding of what kind of goes on when this does happen. It's cool to bring awareness to it, to be mindful of where we are showing up like this still.
Is it anyone on a pedestal now? In like right now? Actively?
I mean for me for sure, I.
Put you on a pedestal, but not in an unproductive way. Me too with you, Like I feel like it's more admiration inspiration. I just have so much love for you, and I really admire the way that you live your life, Like in terms of being a parent, Like when I watch you parent the kids, member even say like, oh that would be so nice.
Yeah, I love.
The way that you do. It's such a gentle parent. You're an awesome business woman, You're an incredible friend, Like there are just aspects of you that I just love and adoor, but I wouldn't say that it's unproductive. Yeah, I think I've been able to really humanize people now because I didn't before. You know, I've really experienced what it's like to pedestal other people and push myself down, and I just don't do that anymore for the most part.
So you've also seen me at some pretty low moments.
There's lots of humanist in our relationship, so true, you know, for us both, and it feels really safe, like yeah, yeah, I.
Put you on a pedestal, and I think you're more qualified, capable, and smarter than me. And I openly say that all the time. Yeah, You're like, well, notice it when it pops up. I'm like, ah, I can't do that.
You're like, yes you can.
Yeah, I know you're doing it with me, And you know what, that blows my mind because I think the same in my own way. Like for me, I'm like, you're an incredible business woman, much more than what I am, because you've had so much experience in what you've done. I'm like, you absolutely know more than what I do. And I'm just like that just is what it is. I'm like, I'm catching up.
You know. But I'm like, you're so good at spreadsheets. I can't even look at that spreadsheet having a peck attack. She like showed me the other day all the spreadsheets for as she rises, and like she's like this green color means this, and this yellow and I'm like, yep, yep, yeah, lay over.
My head, pad over. Yeah sounds good, looks like glazing over, Like shut up, like great, I'm just gonna go make us lunch. Finish off. Yes.
When that was happening, I was like, oh, so nice that she's doing that. I'm so happy doing this.
Yeah, And I'm like I can take care of her this way.
You know, what you do really beautifully that I struggle with is storytelling. You're really really fucking good at storytelling, and I just get like lost in your stories and I'm like, fuck, I would love to be able to do that.
I love that. So is this how I teach? Yeah? I don't think I'm super smart, Like I don't think i'm super book smart, but I teach through storytelling. I teach through my own lessons.
You absolutely do. You're really good at it.
I think because I've always learned like that. When I did my first Tony Robins. Course, I learnt the most when he was storytelling through his experiences, or when someone would stand up and they would tell their story and then he would break down why they are who they are, why they're doing what they're doing. Yeah, where to go from here? Like, I'm very engaged in that. I would much prefer to learn from someone's storytelling. So it comes quite natural from me, I think.
Yeah, Yeah, it's cool to see as well because different people like learn differently as well. Like I think for me, maybe that's why I do business the way that I do. Yeah, Like I coach the way that I do. I'm very like educational. Yeah, I feel like I lean towards that way. I don't mean too, but it just comes natural for me.
And I think I'm the opposite too, because I think I've got that old story that I'm dumb, Like I'm not that educated. I failed school, didn't go to Uni. I've only done like some basic courses. Yeah, I don't lean on education, and.
See I hide behind education because I think that my personal stories aren't valuable enough. Yeah, So I'm like with education, I'm like, well there are facts, they're a study. Yeah, and I'm not super science based, but I'm very like education based. It just feels more natural and I feel like I hide behind that sometimes.
Yeah, so interesting, Hey, but they're both great, they're both amazing. Yeah, that's why we work so well together too, because it's different bespect learning is different ways to teach and how you teach other people would really love, but then other people might not get it and vice versa, and I sorry tell them. Might be some people that are like, shut the fuck up, where's the facts? And you know when we shut the fuck up.
When we bring those together, I feel like if bridges a really cool gap, it does you know, it flows so nicely to your own We're just amazing too.
So yeah, point of this episode was like, who are you putting on a pedestal? Is it productive? How does it serve you? How do you think it feels on the other foot, where's the pressure? And just humanize everyone. Yeah we're all doing this thing together. Yeah, we're all learning. Let's take a breath. Just accept everyone where they're at. No in trust that everyone's doing the best they can with. Yeah they have.
And if you are the person who is being put on a pedestal, this is where you actually get to do some self reflection and ask yourself, where are you presenting yourself as the perfect version that like I was doing Yeah, I was doing it too, So where are you actually buying into that mold and not showing people your heart, not showing people the vulnerable moments, the things
that you're going through day to day. And it's not about bonding over, it's not trauma bonding right, It's just about letting people in and that vulnerability bridges the gap and allows people to really see you for who you are and not this image that they've kind of got you stuck in. I love that amazing.
We'll see you on Friday.
Bye.