The friendships that last… 💞👯‍♀️

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We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the land on which we gather today and pay our respects to their elders past and present. We extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.

Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm ashy, I'm Kiara. This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level up together.

Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, and find the lessons to grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow, and we're here to be your expander.

Hello, gus, hi, guys, welcome back to Grow and Glow.

So we are doing a beautiful episode on what we believe makes a great friendship. Yeah, friendship is something that we get asked about all the time. Obviously we have a beautiful friendship, we have other beautiful friends in our lives, and we've just been talking about the importance of sisterhood. It's just so beautiful. I honestly like a saying a kiara on the way up here. I feel a difference the same with my husband. If finally get quality time with him, I feel I'm not as high vibe if.

I didn't get time with my girlfriends.

Yeah, they fill my cup and my caut my heart up with so much love and I'm so playful and silly and it's just the best.

Yeah.

But you know, I think a lot of us can definitely relate and that we've had some friendships that have drindled apart or you've had a falling out or doesn't feel aligned and drained your energy. So you want to talk about what we think makes it an amazing friendship before you get started share all you're like, shut up, let's do share it. My Share of the week is just a recommendation of booking time with your girlfriends.

Ah.

Like actually, when we're talking about this, like, yeah, actually scheduling it in because I just.

Said to you Ash all the way up, I was like, we need to do that. We just don't miss you.

And it's so nice that, Like I'm so grateful because we get to come up here and have a full thirty six hours together.

Right, we have two full days pretty much, two full days which had.

Forty eight hours.

Yeah, quality time, like actually booking it in. Yeah, you just have to, especially if you've got kids and a husband and commitments and the kids sporting like every week, I will definitely like book things in to see girlfriends. Yeah, it can be tricky to fit it all in, but if you don't book it in, it's not going to.

You got to book it. You're right, you got to book it.

And we've just realized how guilty we are of that.

So guilty, and like when I come up here, I feel like being on the podcast sometimes you kind of forget because we are catching up and genuinely love it so much, but it's not the same.

It's not just it's not the same our intimate time. It's nice, intimate time together together. It's just different, isn't it. It is different.

Yeah, And it's also different if you catch up with your friends and the kids and even like I want to catch up with you and do more healing stuff together, like do more like I don't know, like light the beautiful candles and do it like the ceremonies too.

Yeah, just anything, really anything.

And I feel like I've got girlfriends that are all into the same stuff as well, like bringing them together. I feel like I've always been that first person that like brings people together.

It's so nice.

We could like do a full moon ceremony. Just cute little things like to do in your group, like sunset walks whatever. So scheduling. If you're missing your friends, if you don't see them often enough, you're craving that sisterhood book it in.

Yeah, and I'm going to change my share of the week because you've inspired me. Mine's going to be put yourself out there, because I was saying to Actually, I feel like I'm just wanting more people that are like closer by, Like we can all jump in the chat and be like dance class on Thursday nights, eyon, want to come all meet up and you're holding each other accountable. Hey, I'm going to go for a nice beach walk Saturday morning,

I think it's beautiful though, because you have been in your mom's season. You have been thick in the mom's season. That's beautiful.

Because we love our family so much. If we're going to be away from them, it really has to be worthwhile. Like I'm so careful with the friends that I choose to hang around now because I'm careful when my energy goes and if it doesn't light me up and make me feel energized and really great, it's not worth being away from my kids.

That makes sense.

So I think you've just been prioritizing your kids so much. It's nice to have a balance just.

Missing a bit of that connection, I guess, so by having like, you know, an hour a week where I'm going for a walk and there's a few girls to catch up with that are you know, similar wavelength and just have a chat with and so much.

Yes, alrighty, So we're just going to go back and forth with different things that I suppose we really value in friendship and that makes us feel good and for me, it's time, love and energy, Like there definitely is those friendships which I love that you don't have to talk often, and when you see each other, you pick it up and it's still where it left off. It's beautiful. But I do really value one of my highest values is connection. And I just think, like any relationship, if you're not

Yeah, that's beautiful. My top one, kind of similar to yours, is being there. I think just someone checking in when you need it is the best. So like, for example, if I've had a tough week and someone knows it, just like you sending me a voice message and being like, hey, babe, I know it's been going on. Just checking up and you seeing how you feeling, you know, like means the world. Yeah, it means so much, and vice versa. I really try

Feel safe, feel supported. It's just oh, it helps you get through it really does.

It truly does.

Yeah, it's beautiful, Absolutely love that one. I think another one too, is just understanding that you all have different lives and priorities and different schedules and being understanding around that. Like I was saying on the way up here, like yeah, we don't see each other often, but we don't know unless we ask. But if you've got stuff on or I've got stuff on, it doesn't work like Megsie know

Yeah.

Yeah, because you live your life a certain way and have certain things in place, doesn't mean they're going to and vice versa. Yeah, they have something that's really important. You're like, oh, why do they need to do that? It's really important to them.

Just be understanding around that.

Different seasons too, even different you know, financial burdens or works priorities or you know, amount of kids that they've got and stuff like that. Like I know some days like with the kids, just stuff being on, like even birthday parties, like because there's three kids, there's all different things and it's.

Like, oh my gosh, but busy. Yeah, but that's a really good one.

Just knowing that everyone's life is different, just trying your best to be understanding and making them most of when you do get together, hey, like making it just like fun quality quality time. Yeah.

Yeah, it's something you take for greater when you're younger and you just got all the time in the world. I know, you just do whatever and everything together, and then when you have kids, it's just like you get to go out for dinner. It's just like this massive deal and you just soak up every moment.

You know, you chat about everything in like one or two hours home too late because getting out to the kids next day.

It's so true, isn't it.

My next one is not judging you and knowing you so well to be able to read where you're at and having compassionate and understanding for different seasons you're navigating.

I love that that was a little bit of a mouthful to be really in tune with your friends, to be able to do.

That, really in tune with your friends, but just not judging them whether they're being like extra silly, just accepting and loving them for them, you know, silly or fun.

Also just like going through a little.

Bit of a harder fame, a bit of a lower vibration, Yeah, and just knowing that they're in that space and being like, you know, that's just what they're going through right now, and having patience with them. That's not exactly that's not who they are, it's just how they feel right now,

Definitely on the flip side of that too, having friendships that you can communicate where you're at, so sometimes like if makes its like.

Hey, I'm gonna pop around with the kids, whatever.

I'm like, you are more than welcome, but letting you know I'm in a low vibe and she's like, cool, I'm going to really high vibe.

Can I bring you some of my energy? Perfect vice versa.

She's like, I'm real sleepy, I've been up all night with Ramber. I'm like, what do you need? Don't want to come and cook and clean? Or do you just want me to like cuddle you? Or's m music so you can go have a shower and piece. It's like just communicating exactly what you want and need. And I love having those friendships where you can and there's no shame, there's no guilt, nothing, It's just this is.

Where I'm at.

You want to come cool, but I'm you know, and I just think that's so special, so special.

Yeah.

Yeah, it takes deep trust to be able to do that though, mm hmmm.

Which is rare in friendships. I think I think so too. I definitely have it with a lot of mine. I'm very very lucky, but yeah, I don't think a lot of women have that safety. They can just be their full selves and know their loved regardless.

Yes, yeah, they're no judgment thing.

I think that they're like ooh, or they get scared maybe to be open, yes, and that they might scare people away, but actually it might make people feel closer to you because you're being more authentic. It's just finding those people that just love you for who you are. That's true friendship. So the next one is kind of tapping on to the end of yours was just the check ins. And I feel like in different stages. I don't know when you're postpartum, or you're going through a divorce,

I do.

Like I've had a girlfriend that's gone through a divorce and I felt like she just needed so much more support than she ever has needed before. And I'm so there for that because I put myself in her shoes. I'm like, buck, if I was to go through a divorce, I hope my friend would look up at my door and say, I got you.

You know, yeah, absolutely.

So just yeah, like you said, being in tune with their seasons and what they're going through so important.

I think that makes a great friend.

Yeah, when you both have boundaries and it's okay because I feel like, you know, sometimes when we have boundaries and it's with people who haven't done the work, they can really take things the wrong way.

It can even ruin a friendship.

Definitely, they take it so personally or like they make up stories to what it's about.

It's like, actually, no, yeah, it's.

About me, it's not about you. Yeah.

Being able to have boundaries and friendships, I feel like, is it a beautiful I think it just goes to show how close the friendship is as well.

When you can do Yeah, I think it's this a new conversation for most people. Like I feel like the whole word boundary is only you In the last couple of years, Yeah, I think.

So I didn't grow up with boundaries. I don't know I did what they were, No, neither, it's only.

Like having friends and just like so social media is learning about them. The last couple of years. I even't had a boundary On the weekend. It was a girlfriend's birthday and she's the most beautiful girl, and I really adore her, but that day I needed that day an app. I was absolutely cooked, and I knew this would be a big party vibe, which isn't my vibe anyway, but it was going to be very very loud, a lot of people I don't know, which just isn't my vibe anymore.

At the moment, she.

Was so understanding, Oh that's beautiful. That was a boundary for myself, and that's hard that I felt uncomfortable for me because I felt like, oh, I'm letting her down, or like I hope she doesn't feel like she's not worthy of me coming, like, of course I want to show up for her. But I was like, no, it's just a boundary I need in places there because I just don't have the capacity. It would have tipped me over the edge, and then you know, I wouldn't have

App yeah, honestly, But.

Yeah, boundaries important and having friends that just received them so well, and you're like.

I get it.

Yeah yeah, And boundaries can feel uncomfortable too. You can still be upset and feel something from a boundary, Like I'm sure she would have felt sad, maybe even annoyed that I didn't come. That's so normally I understand that, but she still knows like I've just made a decisions that right for me, and she's not holding that against me.

Definitely, And normally boundaries, Yeah, normally they don't feel uncomfortable either party.

They're not comfortable to say, comfortable to receive. They're really hard. They can be triggering, yeah, very triggering.

But I think it's just thinking the best of people as well, right, Yes, knowing the good intentions.

Yeah, Okay.

The next thing that I really find helpful, and I feel like I've gotten so much better over the years is knowing my friends a love language and knowing their attachment style.

Yeah.

So I've got a couple of friends that are very anxious attachment style and a couple of friends that are very avoidant. Yes, And I just know when to pull away and when to lean in more and I also know that my anxious attachment friends need more, and I'm so okay to give that. I've got one particular girlfriend, She is really insecure. She's very sensitive, she has very low self worth, not very much confidence, and I check in with her way more than I do in a

I feel like I need to be soft with.

Her, whereas, yeah, the avoidant ones, I feel like sometimes they just need a bit more space to get through something and then they'll come back when they're ready. But when you understand it, you don't take anything personally so true in a way that feels good for them.

Yeah, and now we've learned, and we've actually done a whole podcast episode about attachment styles. The more you know about it, yeah, you really know, it's nothing personal to you, you know.

Yeah, but that's a beautiful idea, it is.

And also, just because I realized that I'm in my relationship with Steve very secure that in friendships, I definitely have wounds there of thinking that they're going to abandon me, Like there's definitely some wounds that I'm going to be working with my coach on so I can have when I have my anxious and friends, I like that I've experienced it too because I have compassion. I understand how they're feeling, and therefore it helps me to be able to give the love the way I know they need it.

Definitely, which is really cool. And then me, I feel like I have been more avoidant.

Yeah, I feel like I've definitely been someone who has kind of detached from that part with friendships in my relationship with Secure as well. But I feel like if I leaned either way anxious or avoidant, I feel like when I'm in zones of like going deep or different things.

Are happening, I tend to go more avoidant. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to work on right now a little bit. So I'm trying to surround myself with more women and what's in between.

So I don't feel like you're fully avoidant.

It's the mixture of avoidant and anxious. I don't feel you're fully avoidant.

Don't feel fully avoidant, but I feel like when I have like something popping up, I go internal. I withdraw, and it's obviously a safety mechanism, like you know, ow journal, Like I really go in.

And you're soothing yourself.

Yeah yeah, yeah, but you know, I feel like I'm definitely pretty good these days, but I feel like, what need to open myself up more.

I don't know what it is right now. I love. Yeah, I'm really receiving.

Yeah, I'm just really open to like hanging around people, like just different energies and learning.

And I don't know what it is the feminine she's open, Yeah, and she receives a lot, receives, loves, receives help, receives gifts, receives all of it, and.

She like enjoys that.

Yeah.

That's so the feminine to a tea, isn't it? Yeah? The work, the work is working.

Another one as well, is like, I know we speak a lot about this with our husbands, but I feel like it's also really important in friendships.

Is reading the room. Oh my gosh, if your friends.

Like having a time and you're gone over and you're like party vibes.

Like turning the music up and doing this and then you know what I mean.

But those friends that can actually really read your energy and read the room just amazing. Like some of my girlfriends walk in and I'm like, they know what I need and the energy that they bring when they walk through the door. I'm like, whether it's just like to listen or to hold space, or to like have a silly dance party like whatever it might be, but just to read their room or the other person's energy. Love that, Yeah,

Yeah.

Yeah, Well, feel like we were having a conversation about this year ago with Stephen Kurt, and I think we were both learning, oh shit, there is a time to talk about this things.

Sometimes at night I would be like, oh, what do you think about this? And He's like, Babe, not.

Now, we talk about the finances tomorrow, not at seven thirty at night when the kids have just gone to bed. Yeah shit, Yeah I didn't think that he looks drained and stressed and like tapped out for the night. Here I am been like, wow, let's talk about this. I feel like we've all been there, but it wasn't until we had that conversation that I was way more conscious of it.

Yes, it's so true to bring that into your friendships as well.

I love that.

My next one is open communication and hard conversations.

They need to be had.

I don't feel like often with friendships, but every now and again, if something's popped up, or you're feeling resentful or something didn't feel good, to lean and actually have a hard conversation. But you know, what I've learned is just not everyone can meet you there. People can only meet you where they've met themselves. And there's definitely some friendships have had that I'm like, I just can't.

Go there with them.

I still have love for them, but I feel like the friendship isn't as deeply connected as someone that I can have those conversations with and they can hear me and still love on me and work through it together. Whereas if I can't have those conversations and fully speak my truth and how I'm feeling, it just feels like there's a shield up between you, like an invisible energetic wall. They can't allow you to fully deeply connect.

I get why so many people are so scared of hard conversations because I feel like they really can kind of make or break a friendship sometimes. And I feel like though those friendships where you can have hard conversations and you make it out the other side.

They feel so much nicer.

It feel so much more safer because you know you can have them feel so much more connected.

But yeah, there are ones definitely where you kind of fluff around them and you're like.

It's the same with the intimate relationships about you. But some of the biggest disagreement Steve and I have had all the hardest times have bought so much more closeness.

Oh gosh.

Yeah, And I'm like, for I would not want to go through that again with you. But that was actually really powerful. Yeah, that was so pivotal for us. If we did not go through that, I don't know if we would still be here today doing what we're doing now, like feeling how we feel now. It can be the same with your friendships. There's something there that you need to talk about, and if it's not spoken about, it just yeah the walls.

Up, Yes it's there.

It does doesn't feel.

Nice for you or for them, And then it either Dwins is away or the friendship just isn't as authentic. I think as you get older, you just so much more with that. It just doesn't feel good.

Definitely, You're so right.

As you get older and you start to have those friendships that are like that and so well aligned, yeah.

It highlights the ones that aren't, and it makes it harder, I think, to even maintain those friendships because you've been shown what it's like to have a safer friendship like that. And that's where I think you can grow apart from some people, is when you have these friendships that have truly aligned, you can be yourself and be so held and safe. Yeah, it highlights it. It does really just

I still have respect for them.

It's just a bit more fluffy and they're not your people that you go to for like your hard time. No, definitely not. Or you wouldn't be as open even sharing things.

No, isn't that another one? The more open you are that creates safety. Like I feel like when my girlfriends share like the deepest, darkest like secrets or hard times, I'm just like, Oh, it makes me feel so nice that they feel so safe to come to me, So then I feel safe to go to them the mutually, You've got this beautiful container where you're both so.

Help no matter what.

Yeah, because if they're not sharing a lot of their stuff, you don't want to share yours because it's like, oh, will they charge you all?

They don't understand or it's truly safe.

So the sharing is just so important for female relationships. Vulnerable vulnerability is connection, Yeah, definitely.

And then also making sure that you keep that trust as well.

Yes, yeah, definitely, just.

Common ground and values.

Having you know, somebody tang out with that is on the same path as you, it's just so much nicer. You have so much to talk about, you want to do the same things.

It's like, oh, let's go for a walk. Amazing, go for a walk together, go do this together.

Like I have had friendships where I've been friends with someone when I was really young, like honestly all through school and I just kept like sticking it through, sticking it through the way, Like how we lived just went so different. Friend So, like you know, catch on someone, it might be like, oh, let's go out and party and catch up. But then for you, it's like I want to go for like a beach walk and go get a DCA cofee, you know, or go to a

Yeah, you wort it that really well.

I don't think it makes a great friendship when it feels so one sided. Like you know, you're just constantly the one that puts the effort in. You're always reaching out, you're always organizing, You're constantly doing everything, and it's not received back. I think in friendships is probably a more dominant person that like initiates more and organizes more. Like I've always been quite an organized person when it comes to birthday parties. I'm the one to get the cake

Yeah, definitely, you're not be messaging someone checking in or doing this or doing that and then never no, they never have an it.

So I don't know, I think that's an important one as well.

Yeah, definitely, and that sometimes again when they start to dwindle.

Yes, the word dwindle windle, I know, why do we say that? You came up with it? It's like, what's so funny? You know? I always there was two weaks to say, there was like dwindle and something else, and I think we say, I'm flip flopping away now flip you said that, you're I was like, never had no idea.

My goodness.

Deep the friendships at a surface level, just not being in them for the sake of it just feel so not aligned for me personally. I'll always aim to try to grow a connection with someone, but if it's not there, it ain't there. Yeah, So just having that deep connection

Yeah, so true.

Yeah, yeah, And last one I was thinking about was how I have different friends for different reasons. And I love this because I feel like everyone's had such different walks of life and different experiences and have different values in a pen and sometimes like I'll ask, say, like my top three friends are opinion on a certain situation. They might be completely different advice, but they're also awesome.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

And then I've got friends that, like, I know that will stroke my ego. That friends will be like yeah, full team Ashy, and that feels.

Great in the moment.

But then I've also got friends who are like, Okay, let's unpack this a little bit, you know, Yeah, I think this, you know, gives different perspectives. So it's just cool to have different friends for whatever you need in the moment or the situation.

Yeah, and I even love getting a few people's advice like when something happens. Sometimes to see like different takee resonates, see different takes on things, because it might make you go, like, you know how I spoken the last episode from last Monday talking about the five different things that could be going on. They might give you three different so alternatives, or.

Just might help you see or think of it. Yeah, situation that you never even thought of. Yea, and over here has been like no, fuck them, They've definitely fucked you off for this person whatever. Friends like oh no, no, you know I saw she was really struggling with this. Yes, oh shit, think about that.

Yes, yeah, so cool, so cool. My last one is it's not forceful. It's just flowy and easy.

Those friendships that are just flowy, easy, same wavelength, just the best.

You need that when you're older and have kids too. Yeah, I feel like it can't not be like.

That because it would just be too hard. It is true.

It's hard enough as it is to catch up with your girlfriends not having it's feeling hard, yeah, definitely, but.

Yeah, just flowy easy, Yeah, nice, nice, Yes, ps, your vibes speak louder than your words.

Isn't it true?

So true?

It's like energy you can just feel it way bigger than words. Yeahs. The biggest lesson I learned this year is to not force anything conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, or love. Anything forced is just not worth fighting for. Whatever flows flows and whatever crashes crashes. It is what it is, accept it and be.

I love that. So nice, so good.

Thanks for joining us, guys. We'll see you Wednesday, see you that.

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Bye,