Apogie production.
I need your advice.
Are you okay what happened?
Promise it won't be too much.
Bring it in.
Welcome to our bestie segment.
Girl, this is the place for you.
Hello everybody, Welcome back to your Tuesday morning, afternoon evening wherever you're listening to this your bestie Advice segment, where you have sent in an anonymous submission with a sticky situation, something you just want raw, honest advice with. This is the kind of advice that we would give each other if we were stuck in this situation. So take it away, babe.
Hello, lovely ladies, I need some advice on how to deal with a friend in my life who makes me feel like fucking shit.
Let's call this girl Holly.
For the purpose of this question, I'll give you some background details. Holly and I became friends many years ago. We were only young, and our moms were best friends. Holly basically feels a part of our family, and as kids we got on really great.
There were no issues.
We both came from different lifestyles. But during our twenties, Holly has been really hot and cold. During this time, she has abused me and some of my family spread rumors, stop talking to me for two years at times over little petty things. Then my people pleasing comes in and I forget the damage that she's caused and I forgive them.
I really don't have the guts to bring up.
My issues with them because they are so nasty and I just can't be bothered dealing with it again. She kind of scares me, to be honest, she goes to deep dark places to hurt someone. Oh, they also know a lot about me and would have no issues spreading my personal life. These issues have happened on and off for ten years now, and the last year I have felt so much tension with them. They often tell my other friends things and say don't tell her, and then
that puts them in a really horrible position. She belittles me, She makes comments on my financial situation, trying to make herself look better because she owns a house and I don't. Yet, recently, she has tried to get close with another family member of mine when we all hang out. She asks them when they are free so that they hang out. Heaps on their days off in front of me, and it makes me so uncomfortable. I barely get spoken to, and one time I tagged along with another friend and Holly said,
you weren't invited. You're interrupting our date.
What that's wild?
Oh my goodness.
She tried to play it off and act like she was only mucking around. However, there was some truth behind it. I don't get invited to events that involve Holly, the boyfriend, or the kids anymore, but my family does. I am even nervous writing this in case they think it's about me, and then they'll come for me. I can't mentally handle the rejection, feeling left out, not being good enough, being talked about, and everything else anymore. It's always a competition
with them. She has always had a big opinion on who I date, what I do, and where I go. Don't get me wrong, We've had many funny memories together and it's good times in between. But the bad now outweighs the good. I feel hurt, I feel betrayed, and I feel like I don't know how to let them go in a way that doesn't cause war, stress or conflict.
I am really stuck.
Holly's family members are still close with some of mine, and I just want to run away so I don't have to deal with it all.
Please please, please, ash In.
Tiana, give me any advice that will help me move on from this and heal.
I'm so stuck and lost.
Oh my goodness.
Ah oh, babe, that's so tough.
That is not a real friend.
She's not your friend, babe, actually.
So scared of her, But you're also scared to break the friendship off because she knows things about you, and I'm guessing it's things that you wouldn't want people knowing and sounds like you are also have abandonment wounds, yes, being rejected and not involved and them leaving you out, which is so sad.
It's such a hard things. There's so multi layered this friendship that you have with her, But babe, she's one hundred percent or your friend, whether it jealousy or her own internal wounds that she projects onto you and then takes it out on you. No one should ever call anybody a friend if they're treating somebody like that.
It just is not right and you should walk away from your friendships feeling lit up, feeling supported, feeling love, feeling change in the beautiful safe, like that's any relationship in your life, Like that's how you should feel and if you're not feeling like that, it's something's off, yeah, you know, and it's not aligned and you're not honoring yourself, like when you keep saying yes, like keeping this friendship there, you're like rejecting and abandoning yourself. Yeah, and you're in
so much pain now. It's also one of those choos you're hard moments. It's hard to stay in this friendship with her. It's also really hard to leave, but which hard is harder.
Yeah.
I think over long term, this is gonna weigh you down. You're gonna be so much resentment. It's making you so sad. It's really consuming mentally.
And this is also something that will impact your sense of self worth as well, because if you're allowing this kind of behavior, and I know you don't want to, like, you don't want to be treated like this.
I know that.
But if you're allowing it, the longer that you allow it to happen for, the more you'll accumulate stories of like, oh, I deserve to be treated like this. I deserve to you know, have somebody question me or speak down to me, or have a large opinion on what I do and where I go. You're gonna just like feel like you're
walking on eggshells all the time. And like I get the whole like being fearful of her maybe leaking your personal information, but for as long as you allow that to be something she has over you, you will forever feel like a victim of actually walking away. And to be honest, this is how people get stuck in abusive relationships because in some way you are experiencing mental abuse, right.
It's the internal turmoil of highs and lows and up and downs and manipulation too telling you that they love you, but then you know, like treating you differently. It's just in a friendship sense, you know, And it doesn't make it acceptable in any way, shape or form.
Oh man, it's it's tough. Yeah.
I think the biggest thing that I would look at in everything that you shared was looking at how much the fear of being rejected is actually has a hold over you, because it sounds like to me like, yes, you know that the behavior is not right, but a part of you wants to stay. And so it's like, what wound are you protecting more than you're choosing yourself?
What are you benefiting from staying? Yeah?
Sure, which is not being abandoned, right, not being abandoned, not being rejected, not being left out, not feeling like you're getting fomo or feeling like an outcast, yeah, feeling like they don't accept you.
You don't want to start normalizing this, And I feel like the longer you put up with something and allow something in your life, the more it starts to become normal. You actually then don't even question it as much as if you were to step into a new friendship that just you make you feel so alive and so supported and safe and loved, it would really highlight it for you. But right now this is becoming quite normal for you. You know what?
That's so true as well.
And you know what's cool is when you look at the way that you treat people in friendships, because I can guarantee by the sounds of it, you're a very loving, genuine friend who's very soft and kind and all the things. Would you even consider doing any of the things that she's done?
Yeah?
And if the answer is no, that's your standard. Your standard is how you treat others you expect to be treated back. So if it doesn't mirror that, you are allowed to walk away. You are allowed to create temporary conflict, because no amount of conflict is going to be worse than you abandoning yourself to say here.
Yeah, I don't know if you have children or not, but I think for me having kids now too, Like I think my kids are watching everything. So if I was to just allow someone to treat me with disrespect or not treat me with love and kindness, like, I want them to see that it's okay to walk away, and like you can do that in a kind, respectful
way to them and to yourself. But I would never want to stay in a relationship or a friendship that wasn't respectful and mutually beneficial and made us both feel good, and for my kids to think that's normal. And just because you be friends of ages, you have to stay
friends with them. It's such an old way of thinking of you've got to stay in a marriage because you've had got vows to each other, or oh, we've known each other since we were primary school, so of course I have to invite her to my wedding.
She was my oldest friend.
Yeah, like I can't abandon her now. It's like time does not equal successful relationships. If you've been with someone like a friendship or a partner for forty years and you're still together and still friends or you know, married, but you're miserable and you feel shit around them. That is not successful, that's awful. It's a life way too short, like tomorrow is not promised, Like you don't want to get to eighty years old and look back and go, oh, why the fuck did I put up with that for
so long? And let me ask you this, if you had another friend come to you and say, hey, got this best friend. We're friends for ages, but she makes you feel like shit, Like I am so upset when I'm around her. I don't ever feel good, Like what do you think I should do? What advice would you give her? Would you say to her, Oh, girl, just put up with it. That's all you deserve. You're not going to get any better. Stay she's your oldest friend. Just what do you mean friend? Or would you say
you deserve better, babe? Like you can find friendships make you feel so alive and safe and loved, Like what would you tell her? You need to give yourself that same advice and that same respect and make changes like you don't deserve this. By the sounds of it's not going to change. I also, I'm curious if you've tried to have the hard conversations.
Of how this makes you feel. I don't know if she'd be open to it.
Yes, sounds like a bit of an unsafe friend.
If you all.
Experienced that, Well, you can't actually communicate because you know they're going to react in a way or they're going a gaslight. You'll blame your make you feel like you're crazy. See you're too emotional or too much whatever we've all experienced. That's I feel for you, But that's also something you could explore. But I think this friendship it's time to close a chapter.
Yeah, goodbye, good bye and a goodbye. And you know what, you don't need to feel guilty about it either, because the reason being is, yes, you may have known her for a really long time. And it's not to say that you're not going to feel guilty, because you might because you care, right, But you don't need to feel bad about it because the disrespect is so loud.
Yes, the disrespect is the closure. Goodbye.
Yeah, you deserve better, babe, you deserve better.
One hundred percent love an update.
We would love an update.
Let us know how you go what you decide to do.
Also, we're super sorry that this is what you're going through because friendship stuff is really hard and we both firsthand experienced a lot of friendship breakdowns and painful things that have happened with friends, and it's really heartbreaking.
And I wish you say that like once you leave, it goes away, but it doesn't. There's triggers, there's hurt. Your heart hurts. Yeah, it's like a different breakup to an intimate relationship, but it's still a breakup. It's still grief. It's still something you think about. You get treated, and you have to sit with those uncomfortable feelings and move
through them. But I do promise you, over time it hurts less and less or like you know a womb that feels like it's bleeding, it's just like a little scratch. We literally had something last night where I was like, wow, they just scratched a womb, Like it's not going to consume my day anymore. Yeah, but it scratched the wound of Like, oh that hurts, you know.
Yeah, absolutely, And on top of that, better people will come.
Oh when you close one door, it creates more space. People that are so alive.
It does.
But first, before you can open those new doors, you have got to be willing to let go of what you're holding onto, which is this really underligned friendship. Because right now, think about all of this relationship is taking up so much your mental capacity. You wouldn't even have energetic capacity to invite a new friend in. You don't have space for good because you're actually entertaining the stuff
that actually doesn't feel good. Still, So when you can let go, and you be willing to let go, not knowing what the future holds, I promise you there will be more people who come who are just like you, who love on you, who make you feel safe, and you can do that to them in return.
Being quite a low vibration right now, Like yeah, in that vibration, you're going to attract more of that. You can remove yourself from that environment and lift your state up. You will attract more people on the same vibration as you. Yeah, that is real, and then that's all right. Yeah, nothing changes, Nothing changes. Change is going to start with you, unfortunately.
Yeah. Yeah, you've got this, babe, You've got this. You can do hard things. You can do hard things.
One you can yeah, yeah, let ever know how you go.
Okay an update having on you by Babe Bye,