Appodcay Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
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Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back to another episode of She Rises Podcast.
I'm Tiana, I'm Ashy, and.
We are bringing to you Fears.
You have a whole episode on it.
Biggest fears something we all have.
There's things that we're scared of, things that we worry about, things we have intrusive thoughts about. So we're going to talk about all of them today. Let's just start. What's your biggest fear? If you could name one fear, what would it be.
This is gonna sound really heavy, but being sexually assaulted.
Oh that's a real one, isn't it.
Yeah, that's my biggest fear. From being fully honest, my biggest fear is like being out in public or you know, you hear all these stories and there's lots of negative things on the news and things like that for real women and real stories of this being a reality for them.
And it does.
It's constantly in the back of my mind when I'm you know, walking in a place where I'm by myself or you know, I don't hap Ae with me, or I'm just you know, a place where it's a little bit darker than normal, and it does pop into my head, like the fear of you know, maybe there're being one person and multiple people and you know ending up, you know, having a story that a lot a lot of women can really resonate with, and it just it terrifies me.
How often do you have that fear like pop in.
Like anytime that I'm alone in public? So daily, sometimes a couple times a week, sometimes once a week, Like it just depends like where I am and what I'm doing, and if the situation seems remotely like something that starts of a horror story where it's you know, like a dark alleyway or you know, where it's really dark. Like I won't go out at night and walk at night, even though I love to do that, because it's.
Just not worth it. Yeah, Jruci's thoughts come in.
I have a fear of not being out to achieve the things that I want to achieve in this life. Oh and it's a kind of like a fear laced in like not feeling capable.
Enough, So not like running out of time.
It's multifaceted. Okay, it's multi layered is the word. Actually, So it's like there's a part of me that's still letting go of this belief and it pops up every now and again where if I'm not taking enough action towards the goal that I want, or I feel frustrated, whatever, I'll be like, oh, I notice the fear of being like, oh, you're not capable enough. And so then there's that aspect, and then there's like a what if I fear failure so much that it stops me from being able to get there?
That's understandable.
Yeah, so it's because it is. It's I think that's been a huge thing that I've had to overcome, is the fear of failure and fearing being able to get
to that level. And then kind of like what you said as well, there's a layer of like then once you come overcome the fear of failure, it's like the fear of success and there's there's all these different layers when it comes to achieving all of the things that you want, and it comes out in different forms, but it's the same fear, you know, being like what happens when I do achieve this? Am I going to be able to hold it? Yeah?
Is it going to be too big?
Is it gonna get taken away? Like all of these different fears that you accumulate over time and over your life are just there when you want to achieve something, especially when it comes to business, life, money, whatever. Yes, And so for me it's like okay, cool, Like am I going to be willing enough to be able to face all those fears?
You know?
And then the moments where I have self doubt, like I'm not exempt from self doubt, Like I still have that come up for me, and like I am a self worth coach and all of the things, but I still have moments of like am I capable enough to do this? Do I have the resources enough to do this? Do I have enough knowledge? Do I have enough experience? But then it's just reminding myself that whilst I get to have all these fears, I get to choose if I let them dictate what I do next, or what
I choose to take action towards next. So yes, they're all still there swelling in my head every time I do something scary or outside of my comfort zone or something that feels like an edge for me, Like they come along with me, Like they're in my fucking handbag, coming with me while I do all the things that like I really want to do.
In this life. Yeah, so relatable. I have a lot of fears come up around business too. Even doing another podcast with another friends. Yeah, there was massive fears that if we have had really open dialogue about which has been really nice for me because at any point you could change your mind not want to do it again, and then I feel like I have to start again, and then what's everyone going to think? Yeah, what's the assumptions they're going to make? How am I going to feel?
And we have to rebrand. It's all these fears that came up for me throughout this process, which fears come up often, but I just refuse to live my life in fear. I want to feel the fears and sometimes not act on them. Yeah, they don't have to actually mean anything. I can just feel it in that moment, and I can talk about it and it can be there. But then I do what actually feels right in my heart.
And when I thought about doing the podcast by myself, Yes, I'm capable, and I prove that to myself doing the Twelve Days of Christmas, which is a little test for myself to see how much I could hold. Can I have conversations with myself for half an hour? Yes, proven can talk underwater? And then it was this decision of do I want to do this by myself? It's a hell no. I want to experience life with loved ones. I want to celebrate together. I want to go through
the failurees together. I want to have someone to bounce off. I want to have someone to learn off. I want to have someone to lead me, which you do in so many beautiful ways. So that came up for me as well. And the fear of getting successful and being able to hold that, that's real. And I found that in the fitness industry over the last couple of years, I haven't been able to hold all of it because my passion wasn't there anymore. And I look back and
reflect on how well it used to do. And then over the years, as I've stopped putting as much effort, and it hasn't felt as alive for me, and I've gone in different directions, my energy's gone elsewhere. I feared that happening in other parts on other businesses that I do.
But then it's coming back to trusting that every part is a chapter that's a part of your whole book and your whole story, and you learn so much throughout each of those chapters that help you with your next project or your next business, or your next direction that you switch lanes in. It's all a part of it. But the fears are real. Oh yeah, I feel that. Yeah, I think that too.
Sometimes I think there are definitely for me as well, like elements of like next levels of money, yes, where like you have to actively work through those fears and like that just regulation that comes up around holding a new level of money and being like uncomfortable, yeah, and being like, oh, what's my thermometer for how comfortable I feel with a certain amount of money? You know, how far will I let myself go? You know, where's the
point where I get uncomfortable? And then like looking at those fears and being able to just like face all of that break down those limiting beliefs and go like, this is a limitation I have in my mind, you know, But then it also is real. I feel like a lot of people might be able to like resonate with that.
Or even if they're not resonating, you might be self sabotaging without even realizing it. Yes, so every time you get that little bit closer to getting more money or something else happening, you get scared and uncomfortable, and that's the frequency you're on, and then your self sabotage and you pull yourself back. But it's more comfortable to sit over here. And if I get rich, will people think I'm greedy? If I get successful, they think that I'm
not going to fit in with everyone else. Well, i'd be the outcast. If I become the boss, or I get this promotion or I get this award or whatever it is, Are people not going to want to be my friend anymore?
I want to be relatable.
Yeah, I might just do my life to stay over here because it's a bit safer. I feels more comfortable easy to be here.
I know how to behave in a space. I think something that came up for me around money was when I had a not a bad relationship. Yeah, a bad relationship with money. Let's say I wasn't responsible with money, and when I was in that phase, I was like to myself and would have conversations with myself being like, if I accumulate more money, am I going to blow it?
Oh? Yeah?
And it was a fear of gaining more money out of the way that I would behave when I got it. I hadn't yet built a responsible relationship with money for me to feel confident in myself and trust that I was capable of handling that amount of money.
Interesting. Yes, relatable.
Yeah, it's really interesting.
Yeah, isn't it. I feel like everyonem listening, I'm so curious if you're in our forum, I'd love everyone to start sharing some stories if they have any any stories around their relationship with money. I think it's a big wound and trigger for a lot of people. Oh yeah, yeah, so interesting. The fear of success, the fear of sailing, the fear of growth, even the fear of growth, the fear of growth because when you grow. We've spoken a
lot about relationships. Sometimes you can grow apart from people. You can outgrow a job or an environment that feels safe and feels nice, and you have to step it up and evolve and change. That can be really scary.
It's almost like when you want to leave a relationship, sometimes the thing that stops.
You is the fear of growth.
Because when you choose to leave a relationship, you're choosing growth over the relationship.
You choose growth for safety on your.
Own, growth within yourself. That's something in you has changed and evolved. Yes, you're leaving this part of your life behind, and that's a scary thing. It's like, it doesn't matter whether change is good or bad, still are terrified of it because it means that something is changing, which means that our level of control over the situation is changing. Yeah, it's going to be different, the dynamic shifts. You're going to have to learn how to behave in a completely
new way with different circumstances, different people. Yeah, brings up a lot of fear.
It does. Another big fear of mine, which I've openly spoken about in social media for years. It's fear of flying. I'm terrified. I hate the takeoff, I hate any turbulence. I hate the thought of floating in this little machine up in the air. How are we not falling? To our death. I look around people falling asleep, and I think to myself, are you crazy? You're worried that we're just floating in mid air? Yeah, like that is insidly to me.
It's a pretty incredible concept when you think about it.
I used to have crazy panic attacks. Is one that stands out to me. We're on our way back from America. Steve nights before we had targed years and years ago. You know, like, picture someone on a roller coaster screaming their guts out because the ride's so scary. That was me the back of the plane, oh, screaming the flight it and had said to Steve, you need to calm
her down. She's scaring other passengers. He got like four or five value and shoved them down my throat and then I was so like docile and calm, but I was still We're sorry. I should have given more context. We were in the middle of a storm, so I'm talking bumpy seatbell signs on like lightning, dark clouds. It was horrific, and I was saying, to tell me what, I love her, Just tell her I love her, because
I thought that was the end. Yeah, I don't know why I'm asking him to say that, because if we're going down, he's going down with it. But yeah, I was that petrified the flight. Egendent was said, you need to calm her down. He's like, I'm trying. See, I'm doing the best that I can. Yeah, that was terrifying for me. And over the years the seven videos of me on YouTube when I did the online series of me like crying and full holding on people's hands and shaking,
and I just could not calm myself down. But over the years, as I've learned to regulate my nervous system and learn how to breathe trust the process, I just said to myself, I'm never going to stop this fear from me being able to experience the world and take my kids traveling and say yes to opportunities. I never wanted to stop me, So I still get on that plane every single time. I've never let it get in the way of anything. But now I can breathe through it.
How is your experience going on the plane overseas to Europe with TAJ.
It's very interesting you ask that, because when I'm in business class, I'm a lot more comfortable. So I think I've learned lately too that it's a little bit of costrophobia, yes, actually being stuck in a small, confined space. And when you're in business class. I hate to say this, but they treat you a lot nicer different. That's what it is. The service. I don't treat nice. It's a service. You're
paying for more service, so they're very attentive. I've got a lot more space, and I've had pilots actually tell me that the front of the plane is not as bumpy and loud as the back, so it's actually a lot more quiet at the front. So now I will pay extra money to sit at the front of a plane, even if it's economy. But yeah, we've business class and funny enough, TAJA's passion is aeroplanes. So he's actually my favorite person to travel with because his joy almost overrides
my fear. And when it got bumpy, he would hold my hand and say things like, Mum, you're more likely gonna eat him by a shark. It's just the turbulent. See the clouds. No planes are made to ride in storms. He would love if we got caught in a storm.
Oh my god, is he so sweet?
Yeah, so his joy is almost overrides my fear, So yeah, it was great. There was a couple of in between flights that got a bit bumpy, that were a bit scary, but yeah, I got through it with him. And I have gotten better as I've got older, because I just feel safer in my own body and I know how to bring myself back down and just breathe through the process. So, yeah, does he have any weird fears like that, heights, cars, motorbikes, paranormal Oh yes, you said this the other day.
He scares the living down that out of me. Like, I don't watch can movies. Yeah, I don't watch I don't watch school. I don't like it. It makes me not think that it's safe to leave my feet out of the blanket at night. It makes me when I turn the lights off neat run down the hallway. It's just not a good time for me. I just get
so scared. And I think it comes from I've shared this on a previous Freaky Friday episode about a horror like a ghost story where I lived in a house where a man had committed like a homicide in the house, and so there was like, I mean, I don't know if you guys are into this or not if you believe this whatsoever, but from what I remember, there was some really like paranormal things that happened in that house.
And I was quite young at the time, and I just remember from their experiencing those things, I was so terrified of paranormal activity or anything to do with it that it just like scares me.
Like a traumatic moment as aid, Yeah.
The fear of being out of control of something that is wanting to harm me or like obviously that's a movie no depiction, and not being able to control whether it's good, whether it's bad, whether it's a negative experience, like even sleep paralysis. Like I was talking about sleep prolysis with my girlfriend Darcy the other day, and that scares me. I remember I had this one sleep paralysis experience and it's apparently there's spirits, Like, oh yeah, apparently
that's spirit. I mean, I don't know how treats is passing on information, So apparently sleep paralysis are spirits that kind of able to penetrate like your energy when you're in a weak mental state. Yeah, so like people who do drugs and are drinking and stuff like that, they get that stuff more frequently. And I remember when I
went through my party phase. I was getting sleep prolysis a lot, and I had this one thing and I remember I had a partner at the time, and I was laying on my bed on the left side, and I was laying on my left hand side, and I remember not being able to say anything, move, scream, nothing, And it was like this figure or ghost or it was a woman. She was laying on top of my body. No, she had long, dark haired, like white gown the whole
like exorcist kind of vibe. And she was laying on me smiling at me, like staring at me.
Like this, Oh my god, that's so creepy baby.
And I couldn't scream, I couldn't move. I was like to my part like like and I woke up, and I got angry at him because I was like, you didn't do anything. You didn't help me, you didn't do anything. You didn't see it, Like, why didn't you wake up? Because I couldn't comprehend when it just happened. That stuff for me, it's a.
No go zone. It's come out. Yes, Thanks so much for joining us. If you love this episode, share it around, don't forget to join our Facebook forum. Just search she rises on Facebook. Come and extend the conversation. Chat with like minded women. It's beautiful and we'll see you in the next episode. Bye bye.