Apoday production.
We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the land on which we gather today and pay our respects to their elders past and present. We extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today. Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara. This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level up together.
Let's go deep, let.
The emotions flow, and find the lessons to grow and glow.
Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow and we're here to be your expander. Hello everybody, welcome back. And today we're talking about just slowing it right down. This has been so relevant for both Kiara and I feel like we're on very similar paths, which is really nice to be surrounded by women who just get it.
And we're trying to listen more, read more, be around more beautiful feminine energies and just women that really embody their feminine essence and are slowing down and nurturing themselves and are open and magnetic, and that's what we're wanting more of. So we've really been focusing on it and it's been so beautiful and so like, I don't know.
Just it's an exciting journey too.
It's really exciting, but it's also there's been moments of discomfort as I like change and navigate through. But yeah, it's been really cool and excited to see where we both are in six months time and how we're showing up and how we're doing things differently. So we thought we'd talk about it today because anytime you talk about it on socials or I mentioned little things on socials, like our dms explode with wanting more, which shows us
that so many women are struggling with this. And you know, for so long we were pushing for equal rights and for women to be empowered and like we can lead the way and we can be directors and CEOs and all this stuff, which is so empowering and so cool, but also we're still mums, we're still managing household, we're
still carrying all it and wearing all these hats fucking burn. Yeah, and it's so praised and celebrated, but then like, at what cost the cost of our energy, the cost of our relationships, the cost of our house, our nervous system, our sleep, skin, at dijustive issues like everything that we value is because we're so fucking busy. Yeah, we need to just put a pause for a moment and take a breath. But it's hard because now we're all kind of stuck in these ruts.
You've committed to things, and you're if you really want to change your life, you're having to make drastic moves.
Yes, we've all bitten off a little bit more than what we can do. Yeah, and sometimes it takes a big health scare or something to happen to make us go, oh, this does not feel good anymore. And then it's also having that realization, Like I remember realizing like I don't want to do this business anymore. But it's like, but I'm stuck. How do I get out of this? I've committed to this. I feel like I owe my audience to keep going. I feel like I own my staff
members to keep going. I owe it to myself. I want to show my kids like you can do all the things. Yeah, but at what costs?
Isn't it amazing for your kids to see you actually listen to your heart intuition. Yeah.
I loved having in this conversation with Taj about closing Baseline because he was even like, but why, Mom, that's your business. It makes money. I was like, yeah, it does, honey, it does, but I don't enjoy it anymore. And I hope you know right now you want to be a police officer. If you go and study and get qualified and you're a police officer for six months and you go, why don't mum, I don't like this? Cool, Go be a painter, you know, whatever you want to do. I
want you to try different things. And when you're twenty to twenty five, you might do one job, and then you know, twenty six to twenty eight, you might do another job. Like whatever, I just go with the flow, do it, set your heart and fire, try new things. Never think that you just have to stay in one box and remain as you are. Yeah, which is really cool.
It's a cool conversation, really cool conversation, an important one for us to have in this day and age, and also this whole movement of us wanting to slow down, both having daughters as well, like I don't want Tarlet to put on a masculine shield and mask from an early age, and like feel that she needs to be moving the pace that women are these days, because it's
exhausting and it doesn't feel good. It's not where our natural energy is, you know, a natural feminine we are slow and we receive, and we're flowy, and we're creative and we're nurturing. We can't embody all of that when we're running at the pace that we are. We cannot be that. When we're hustling, going, we're goal orientating. We're so stuck in our head.
When we're in our head, we're not in our body, and then our body can't relax and flow. Then we can't surrender, Then we can't receive. Then we build resentment for the masculine as well. And the polarity is just like head butting. It's a downward spiral. But we didn't see it until we kind of pull ourselves out and go ah.
I said to Ashi, I feel like a big thing for us too with starting this journey was actually eateen. Yeah, because I started reading those feminine energy books. So I feel like for us and just being in the wavelength of being able to completely tune in slow down, there'd be no rush is having four days of life really
going at your body's pace. Yes, it was like, how the hell can I incorporate this more into my life, because man, I've missed actually like feeling myself, Like you get so busy you don't even check in with yourself.
Yeah. Yeah. The pace we're running at, it's like we were running a marathon, running at the pace of your not even live line.
You're not living for you, No, you're living for fucking everything else but yourself.
Yeah. The rate that we're running at, our mind, our body just is not keeping up, but we're forcing it to. Hence, while we feel so burnt out, exhausted, stressed, resentful, digestive issues like whatever's going on. I think if we actually slowed down and when at the pace of our body, not our minds, so much of our issues and problems would be resolved so quickly. Like I don't know about you,
but I feel like I'm just scratching this serve. It's like I'm just at the beginning of my journey and I've already learned so much and incorporated so much and felt so different. But I can't wait for the next six months. Yeah, exciting, so cool.
Something else that I've really noticed as well, that I've focused on, which I feel like I've noticed it in you too, is my talking pace.
As we said, that's a previous episode.
But I feel like it's something I've consciously been doing. Rather than like just being in my head and splurting out everything I'm thinking, I'm actually taking a second to be like, well, how does that feel? How do I want to respond, rather than like just reacting and saying every little thing that's coming to my mind. So that's been a big one for me that I feel like has been really cool and been a bit more of a challenge because we are fast talkers.
Yeah, we're talking to water.
I've noticed a walking pace, babe. This is another thing that's cool because I can see these things in you as well. Like when we came up here, I think it was a couple times ago. We're walking somewhere we're going to like dinner, and I remember I had like high heels on and I'm like just cruising.
And You're like, I'm I trying to keep up with you, and I was like, I'm a lot taller than you, remember to my strips, a lot larger than your spend this trip. You've just been like cruiser.
And that's the thing is it also is just the way you sh show up and it doesn't have to be all the big things.
It can also be all the little things.
How are you walking from place to place? Are you rushing and frantic and grabbing this and grabbing that and blah blah blah, Or are you like I can take five extra seconds to get somewhere and actually be in my body, Yeah, and not in my head.
I caught myself the other day grocery shop. I think I was telling you on the way up here, and I was rushing around getting the groceries, and I was like, I just stopped in the middle of grocery store and I was like, soe down, Sis, you don't have to keep rushing through, take your time. And I'm having this internal conversation, like you love grocery shopping, You love checking out the new foods and going down each aisle. Like grocery shopping for me is really therapeutic. I love it.
So I took my sweet ass time walking through the aisles.
Checking the ingredients.
Yeah, checking everything out, just like I didn't need to rush back. No, so he's coming home with the kids. Why am I rushing?
But that's time differends. This is the thing, like we think if you rush, you're going to actually do something so much faster. But it's like if you go at a bit of a slower pace, it might add an extra five or ten minutes to the whole trip.
Like it's not much, yeah, is it. It's just the experience of it making it more slow, more enjoyable, and every single day too, Like it's those micro moments you're missing if you're rushing that actually can be really enjoyable, like cooking your dinner, putting the creams on your body, doing your skin care, taking a slower shower, like feeling the fabric of the pajamas that you're putting on. Just
like taking more slow moments with your kids. Yeah, looking at the ingredients of the shopping list, like just breathing and going at the pace of your body, not your mind. That's the big takeaway I think too.
By slowing down, I feel like I've been loving on myself more so when I'm putting like my skin care on rather than just like slopping wo whack, she's done for the day, actually taking time and like massaging it so it actually feels nice. It feels like an experience. It's doing the exact same task, but making something. I guess it's kind of a little bit like romanticizing your life.
I feel it was like a trend, but it's actually so true. That's it.
It's like massaging the stuff into your skin, taking your time, appreciating all the things about yourself, and you really feel like you get just so much more connected and in touch with yourself, and it's a really good way to show yourself self love as well.
I saw a stat the other day and was talking about kids that are more likely to have anxious tendencies can also be stemmed from parents that are always in a rush, because it puts their little bodies in flight or flight instead of them just like going with the flow and going at a nice pace that feels good for their body. You like rushing them along, that energy and that intensity like freezes their body and like, over time, you can see how that makes them anxious.
Yeah, because you're anxious.
Oh exactly, carry up, Come on, you can't spend that long quickly. Yeah, So when we're moving so fast, your body is really really tense, and that means your energy is also tense. So then your kids feel that and then we continue the cycle of their not being able to soften and feel safe.
So true, right, definitely.
They can start to feel anxious or on fight or flight, or have trouble sitting still and being able to sit with their own feelings because they're always on the go. So it's I have to ask to break these cycles and just do it differently. And the main thing that I would try to focus on is just stop during the day and just get your breath back. We forget to breathe. And this is something I've spoken about for a long time, Like a lot of people think they
don't have time to meditate or do breath work. Call I get it. We're all busy in the micro moments, whether it's when you're doing a Wii, when you're at the grocery store waiting in line, when you know, just the first thing you do when you wake up, just sit at the end of your bed and just take ten intentional slow breaths in the sparless morning while you're editing your real I just took five big breaths. It doesn't have to be long, it doesn't have to look a certain way. You don't have to be in a
corner meditating like a monk. Like you can literally just take micro moments where you stop and breathe, and that's something I've been really trying to incorporate whenever I can. I have a moment. Even coming back from Eden, I haven't been doing the twenty minute meditations in my car, but I say to myself, even if you've just got time for five minutes, and sometimes I'll just put on relaxing music and I'm not even taking massive breasts, but
I'm just closing my eyes and being still. Being still allows your body to rest. And the more we carry that energy, and the more our kids see that as well, that becomes their normal. I don't know about you, but I don't want my kids to feel like they always need to rush and be achieving and being busy and not sitting and listening to their body, listen to how they feel, because when you also do that too, you actually get time to get clarity on what you actually want.
When you're rushing, you don't know, you're just doing anything. You're doing the things you've always done, regardless if it feels good or not, and even if it doesn't feel good, you're not asking yourself, so you just keep doing the same shit, getting the same result, and you wonder when you end up feeling burnt out.
Definitely.
Yeah.
I also heard that when we experience traumates from something happening too fast, too too quickly, or feeling like it's too much. And what happens is when we're constantly rushing through life, we're not regulated. We're actually almost like retraumatizing ourself. Feel like, put yourself in the same experience, the same experience again. So by slowing right down as well and
regulating our nervous system. I can't even start to explain how nice it feels to have a more regulated nervous system when you wake up each morning.
And each time you do that, you are then rewiring your brain to know and to tell your body it's safe. And the more experiences you have of safety, the more overall you're healing.
Within yourself, getting in touch with yourself, checking in with yourself, being still being slow, giving yourself like the love it needs. Like it's just crazy that we live at such a frantic pace. I feel like so many of my friends when I chat to them and have this conversation like, when was the last time you like just stopped and checked in with yourself?
Yeah, Like I can't even remember because it's celebrated to be busy. Yeah, the busy hustlegirl era is over or it's coming to an end. I really feel like it is, and I'm really excited for the women of the next generation. So I think it's up to us. But it's hard because we've been living in it for so long. We really have. But like we had that conversation with Brad, like I won't go over again and go listen to
the episode. Basically I got a pushback comment that was, like, you've glorified the hustle, you know, and maybe maybe some people have interpretated like that, but there's different seasons of your life. And I don't regret any of that because it felt good for me until it didn't feel good, and then when it didn't feel good, I had patterns. And it's only now that I've actually like taken a step back and going oh and reflected and seeing what's happening.
And now I'm creating the change. And you're all going to go through that, Like there might be someone that's twenty two listening to this right now and you do not relate at all you were in your Like I've got a girlfriend at the moment. She's twenty seven. She's a life coach, and I talked about all of this, but she's in a completely different area. She's got no kid,
she's in a hustle stage. She is building her business, and I'm like, go girl, But she's also like, I'm super aware that I also want to be taken care of. I also want to nurture, you know, my man and my family, and you know when that happens. So whatever
is feeling good for you right now. But your work and your hustle can still be feminine and slow, definitely, And that's what I wish I learned earlier, is to be able to do all the things, because being femine doesn't mean you can't work and have goals and run a business. It's making that work more slow, from your heart, more intentional that will keep you in your feminine essence.
Definitely.
That's tricky. I don't actually know how to do that yet. Like that's what I'm learning, But I think our work too. We were having this conversation as well. Running Baseline was very masculine. Grow and Glow is so fat, so feminine.
We get to like talk with people, we get to be around to help community.
Get to nurture community connection. We can take our own pace. There's no pressure, there's no deadlines. No, there's structure around it, but it's such flowy structure it is, and that's why it feels so nice. It never feels exhausting or hard or I don't know. It's just such a different feeling. And it's been so cool since closing that to see how different it was and be like, oh, I can see how I don't ever want to go back to that.
I probably do more work, but I want more of this flowy, beautiful work that feels really good to my heart and my body.
And even like you know, when you were doing Baseline before, yeah, Grow and Globe, probably the energy that you were giving all areas of your life was more that energy because that was bringing with that energy, you know what I mean. Whereas when you let go of those things, then you can bring a beautiful energy into everything else.
It feels different to do the work, and even as a parent, like it feels so different to parent in my masculine, to parent in my feminine, and parenting can be very masculine. It can be very structured and routine, and you're keeping a human alive that requires your brain being on. But when you're coming from your feminine it's so nurturing and soft and patient and playful, playful, and you can see the tone and the energy that you
bring to a room. You can see how much that your kids feel that definitely, it's so beautiful.
I'm saying to Ashy that, like, since I've been really leaning into and focusing on this work, Kurt says to me in the morning, is like when you come down stairs now, he goes, you just bring this calm energy with you. And I'm like, yes, because it's not every day. You know, we have our off days and I'm like, I don't have my calm energy today, but I can feel the difference. You know, Ashley and I aren't here
and we aren't perfect. It's a process, and that's the exciting part is it's a journey for us to go on and to try to embody more of and listen to our intuition more and get more in touch with ourselves. And you know, this is the fun part of life is discovering these different layers to us.
And we are talking about this as we're going through it, so like we are not keep saying that I want to keep saying that out loud, that I'm at the start of this journey, like I'm just scratching the service, the service, and I can't wait to take you guys along this journey with us as we learn and grow. And we were also reflecting on an episode that we did, yes, only a couple of months ago, and this goes to show how much can change in a small amount of time.
As we were doing episode, it was about Sky Wheatley and just like wearing all the hats, and we were like, wow, it's incredible. She does it also well and like so inspiring. But if you look on a social she's having so many like hard times and breakdowns. And I'm saying this out loud because she's spoken about on a social media so obviously you know she's happy to talk about it. But so many women are juggling and wearing all the hats at the cost of their energy and feeling burnt
out and not thriving. They're literally surviving each day, definitely, and that is not a way that I want to live anymore. No done that, yeah no more, no, no thank you.
How much better does it feel to be living this way?
So much better. And I felt like too, when you're wearing all the hats, like how much of those hats that you're actually doing well? Like, yes, I was juggling lots, but I feel like I could only give them each twenty percent of my actual proper energy and efforts. So it was a half past effort definitely, and a half last result.
And I want to go back as well. When we're talking before about us starting this journey and being on this journey, I think as well, sometimes people look at other people when they're doing certain things and feel like they're perfect. No matter how amazingly great someone is, they
could have done all of the work. We're all still human beings and we're all still gonna fall off or wheel around, or even when we're chatting to Brad about you know, how he's wrong about his car on the road and how it like pulls you back in if you guys have one of those cars, and he's like, yeah, you go off track, and yeah, I just wanted to say as well, like that is completely okay and part of the journey.
One hundred percent. But it's just having that self awareness to be like, oh, interesting, that's still there, Okay, cool, let's rain it back in. And I'll notice myself too, Like if I'm busy on my phone working whatever, and I get agitated with the kids and I'm like, oh, hang on a second, no, I'm not doing that anymore. Take a big breath, get back in my body. Who's the mum that I want to be? Okay, let's go.
One other thing that I really want to say as well, is like, what are these outcomes all worth? If we are feeling overwhelmed and stressed? So you know, all these things that everyone is doing, right, these businesses that all this money that you're making, it's like, yeah, that's all great, but you're spending it and you're miserable.
For what exactly?
And like it's just such a good little thing to think about. It's like, actually the time to be like, Okay, yeah, so maybe I need to do this, maybe I need to do that, blah blah blah.
But it's like, but what's it all for? What's it all worse? Literally? And that's the questions I was asking myself when closing down Baseline, and Steve was like, can you see yourself doing this in five ten years? I was thinking about it. I'm like even if it's making money, Like, for what, what does the money mean? Is that more important to me than having time with my kids or working on something that truly lights me up? Drains my energy, stressed me all the time I ever get a break
from for what? I still couldn't give you an answer why I would continue doing that.
Yeah.
I love active wear, I love designing clothes. I love photo shoots for sure, But it's like twenty percent of it for what, there's no answer I get, or you'll have bills to pay. But even does a change of job one hundred percent?
Does a change of job just going you know what?
Yeah?
Or changing a role, like if you're in like a really high up CEO role, maybe get paid a bit more, Maybe it's worth going, Like maybe I want to just go down a notch and have that been more flowy, less pressure.
Yeah, BII. There's a girl on social media that I've told you about. Her name's Ellie, Yeah, and she was an assistant to a influencer and business owner and she had an amazing career and then she left that and then she started an online business where she was helping other CEOs find personal assistance. And it looked like it was doing amazing and she was busy and living this cool life and then she could it all and went
back to being a brewster. And I loved hearing her talk about it because I was like, this is so cool that she can fully just be like that wasn't serving me. And yes, society might think I've failed or I'm taking a step back, but for me, I'm taking a step forward because it looks after my health, I'm more happier. I want to just go to work and then finish and come home and live my life and
be a twenty two year old. And I was like, I can't relate Because'm obviously a lot older in that sense, but it's similar.
Yeah, she just wants to be able to enjoy a life. She had so much pressure, so much going on, that she was busy, she didn't have time to actually enjoy a life.
I remember there's one video she was like, I just don't actually like sitting in front of a computer all day every day by myself at home running a business. And I was like, that alone coffee shop is enough to say no more. I felt the same. I'm sitting in my office like on a computer all day every day, I don't want to do that. No, I don't even like being said it true where I'm sitting all day. No, Like,
it's just so cool to ask yourself those questions. So, yeah, maybe it's a role, or maybe it's the environment of your work feels so fast paced and you just want to be in the same role in a smaller company.
Or maybe you can start to slow the pace down. Yeah, maybe just start moving slower and see what people do, see what the reaction is.
Or if it's not your work, maybe it's your home life and just like like you said, the small things like how your play skincare, just see where in your life you can pull it back a couple of steps, Just take it a bit slower, breathe, get back in your body, and then just see where it takes you, because you'll get clarity and you'll actually think more about what's serving and what's not. What's feeling good. It's all feeling, isn't It really is feeling into your body.
Always doing stuff, you're not listening to yourself.
And always doing hustling in your head. You're not feeling you're out of your body. Yeah, and you're in your masculine Yeah, getting back to that feminine essence is so beautiful, so beautiful.
It feels so good, well aligned, because that's your core.
Baby. Yeah. And the polarity of the relationship as well, it helps. Regardless of gender, we will have masculine and feminine energy. If both of you are running in your masculine energy too much, your butt heads and it won't feel good. The polarity of one being feminine, one being more masculine, it just flows more. Feels so good for both parties. And to feel that in your relationship is so nice. If you are butting heads and you are disconnected, then this is something to look into.
And the crazy thing is like with this as well as a lot of people that go like, but my husband's like not being masculine, blah blah blah. You can lead the way, you can hold the true lean more into your feminine and I guarantee you he will start to move more into his masculine role because you're leaning into your feminine. It only takes one of us to make that initial.
Move, definitely, And it's so easy, isn't it so interesting? It's so easy to put the blame on the other person and say, well, he's not masculine. He's not doing this, I have to do it. It's like we you're don't. Actually you're don't. And there's ways to communicate, and it can be like a little ikey at the start while you're both navigating it. But just have those open conversations explain how certain things make you feel or how you want to feel. Most masculine men want to fix, want
to make you happy, want things to flow. They want to be nurchure and take care for. They want to provide. It can flow, but we both might have been living out of your core energies. So now you've got to communicate and work together to be dancing definitely flow.
In this book that I read, it was talking all about polarity and it had a really cool way to communicate to your husband because men obviously always want to help, they want to protect, they want to fix. If you come to them and being like you're not being on your masculine blah blah blah, obviously that's going to just create fire and you're going to criticized if you go to them and you're like, I'm feeling really disconnected from you.
I'm feeling like I'm wanting to make you feel more like this, and I wanted to feel more flowy, and you know, I'm wanting to be that person a shop in this way for you. How can we do this together? But when you go to your feeling or say a feeling first, or even you know off a situation happens, rather be like you may be so fucking angry because
of this, you can go I'm feeling really upset. I'm feeling really sad because I felt like maybe you didn't like me, or maybe I don't feel worthy right now because of the way that we spoke to each other before. So when you can speak from the way that you feel, and that again is pausing and going internal and responding rather than reacting. Yeah, but if you can go to them with a feeling, they want to help.
It's a simple switch of instead of saying you, it's I you how it makes you feel? You did this, You've done that, you're not doing this, It's like, I feel this, I would like this. Do you think you could help me with this? Yes, it's all about you bringing on yourself so they don't feel criticized or blamed or like it's their fault. They then want to step up and be like okay, and.
They feel so great because they're like, holy.
Crad help you, I helve you. Yeah I can do that. Yeah, yeah for sure.
Yeah. So that's been something that Kurt and I have been practicing a lot, and he really likes it because he likes fixing things. And I feel like that was something that I used to always kind of do. I would just like jump in and try to do it for myself.
I'll just do it whatever. I'm quicker anyway, and.
Even like if I'm going through a situation like I just I have space and time and you know, see how I feel now, I'm actually going to him to break it down because it's not this thing. It's like more so I'm asking for his help rather than I don't need your help, yeah, and I'm spending to him. It's more like, no, I do want your help, Like we can do this together.
That's beautiful. Yeah, I love that.
That was a really cool thing that I read in a book.
That's nice and even for the masculines too, like allowing them to lead. I think as mums we can be a bit overbearing and overpowering sometimes because we think we know best, and you know what, most of the time. We probably can't change that. We can probably do things a lot quicker and more efficiently and better because we do it a lot more than them majority of the time. If you're the primary care gifer and you're with your kids more, and I'm definitely with the kids more than
what Steve is now, we really do it better. But now, like I'll catch myself and I'm like, just let him do it how he wants to do it. You have to jump in there, let him lead, let him learn, let him do what feels good for him. They can have their own way to do things. It's not right or wrong, but just take a step back and just trust your man. They want to feel trusted. That helps them feel respected and helps them stay in their masculine energy.
If you are criticizing, putting them down, and trying to change everything that they're doing, they will just step back. Then they won't step up how you want them to. You want them to lead. It makes you feel safe, and it helps you to drop in, helps you to soften. It helps you to receive. We want to receive being a feminine. But if you're constantly on them and controlling them, you're not in your receiving and.
Doesn't that go back to rushing again? Does hate? Because if you're like not in a rush and you're like okay with it being ten minutes later that you leave or whatever, you're not caring about how long they take.
To change, they take to do a poo in the toilet.
Or whatever it may be that they're doing right when you're But when you're not in a rush and you're more like okay, it's just slowing down your pace.
Yeah, you know, there's an incredible book that I actually I think I skim read years ago because she was actually a friend of mine and met her on a Tony Robins event. But Libby Weaver's that last name. She's got a book called The Rushing Woman's Syndrome. Oh I want to read I need to read it again. Yeah, I'll actually get her on the podcast. She'll come on. Oh, yeah's incredible, woman's hormones, health, mental health, sex, hormones, like, she's health, so holistic, she's incredible.
We'll get her own mate, especially for right now.
But yeah, she's got a book about the rushing women's syndrome and the effect that it has on our bodies and our health. So let's get her on to talk about that. But in the meantime, Yeah, that's an incredible book. I'd recommend. I need to read it. I think I skim read it because I actually got to go and talk to her about stuffes like I dond't need the book. I do need the book. But yeah, let's get her on. Yeah, she'd be awesome.
I'd love that.
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