She’s not coping 😢 we are BLOODY messes & the waiting game ⏰

the last month. I know like in our lives with our kids, or like just work, or how we're feeling about something. So much changes. So we've got lots of updates today for you. But before we get started, what's your share of the week? Okay?

there but only ten thousand women. They made like forty thousand fake women profiles come over with the exact numbers and they're chatting and doing all this stuff, but it's actually not true.

DM it about me being away with Taj. It was comments like, you know, one was you never wanted a daughter. You know, it's obvious that he's your favorite because you took him overseas. You're showing off because you're filming in business class. Lots of projections, lots just saying how fun and ugly it was. I laugh it because it doesn't affect me. Big things to worry about my world, but lots about my trip, about the money that I spent on the trip, about the new bag I bought about

all this stuff. It was just negative. Like honestly, it did not bother me. But I was like, there's quite a bit more, I think because I'm on holidays and my story views Like I don't know about you, but when I'm on holidays, they got like five times more. It's crazy, probably more interesting content than my day to day. But then on the flip side, I got a hundred times more love and beautiful dms of the complete opposite.

So people saying, oh my gosh, this quality time with your son is so beautiful, these memories are going to be coore for him, Like I'm so happy you got to do this with them. Oh my gosh, flying business, classic dream come true. You've inspired me that I can do that. I love that you treated yourself with that bag. You're in this new era go you like so many

just awesome, loving comments. And I just wanted to make a real that like show different perspective of like what someone might think is disgusting or gross or show offee or whatever, another person thinks it was really inspiring, heartwarming and cool. Yeah, it's just perspective. But I wanted to make a real to turn that negative into a positive. Because I don't like people commenting. Obviously, no one wants

to read anything negative. Like I'm going to turn this into something really positive and empowering and help people see the perspective that if you've got people in your life that put you down and put what you do down and it makes you feel like crap, just know those people that think that's really fucking cool. And at the end of the day, like, if you think what you're

doing is really fucking cool, that's all that matters. I love that I spent gosh, I probably spent close to fifty thousand dollars on that trip, and I don't regret any of it. I have not worked since I was thirteen years old to not enjoy my life. I have not worked my ass off and hustled and burnt myself out to not go enjoy it. And why do I work. I work so that I can travel and create memories and enjoy nice things with the people that I cherish the most. And I got to fly to Italy with

my son in business class. I got to watch her get married with all of her beautiful friends and family. I've got to experience these incredible countries, meet some cool people's try the new foods, have this quality time attached, and have these memories match if something happened to me next year, he's got those beautiful memories, Like I don't regret that for a second, and there is no one

that can take that away from me. So it's just it might be an extreme example, but any time in your life, just where can you turn that negativity into positivity? It just makes you feel so empowered.

don't not get triggered. Like, No, it's not about getting to a point where we never get triggered again. It's being able to be Oh, hi there, okay, I see that trick. I feel that trigger. How's it feel? Where's it coming from? What's the meaning I'm going to put on that? And you just get better at like catching them and regulating faster. When it used to get triggered years ago, it could consume me for weeks and like

just riddle with anxiety. Like now it's like a micro moment of like, oh I can feel that it feels uneasy, sit with it, and like maybe it needs some more time and space to be felt, or maybe it's like okay, I see you not serving me. Flip it, you know.

actually acknowledge myself, give myself that. Yeah you know. So yeah, that's my share of the week. It's a rant. Now. I just felt very empowered being able to switch and turn that around. And I got a lot of messages afterwards too, just been like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry you have to experience that. And I'm like, I'm good, Like I'm good.

because it's really important to not forget them. Like, if you don't take these blood thinners, like you could stroke, it could rupture, it could clot. It's like dangerous to skip them. But I was like, I'm great at taking supplements. This is easy. Anyways, ninety six percent of my Instagram audience are females, so I know this isn't too much information. And if you get triggered by blood, maybe switch off

from this one. Yeah. So I was due for my period, got my period morning, about to go for a walk, puffed a tampon in and I went walked about I reckon ten twenty meters down my street. I felt really wet down there, and I was like, I'm not turned on. And then I like and I have a tampon. It and I have a tampon, and I looked down and there was blood everywhere. I'm talking, it looks like someone slashed my thigh open and everywhere, and I'm like, oh,

my fucking god, what's happened. So I went back ran, and so I went to the toilet, took my shorts off, like I could literally wring the shorts. There was so much blood. Took the tampon out and it was just clots after clots after clots, and I honestly thought I was miscarrying. And I said to Steve, I think I'm having a miscarriage, and he was like what. It would not stop coming out. So I called my girlfriend Meg

because she's a nurse. She was like, I need you to scoop out one of the clots and show me what it looks like because they're all in the toilet. And I was like, okay, and tell me what kind of pain you're in. And I'm like, I'm not in any page. She's like, that's a really good sign. And then I scooped out like a big It was like the side of my hand a clot and she's like, okay, there's no memory in there. You're not having a miscarriage. This is from your blood thinners. Did they not warn

you about this? I was like, no, no, one won't be about anything. She's like, oh, your periods are going to be very, very intense. I was like, this is beyond intense, Like this is I can't get off the toilet, so anyway in the next space twenty minutes. So I sat on the toilet for a while until I was like, Okay, surely that's enough for it. That's enough, that's Leita's gone, Like, we've got to be done right. So I put a tampon in and I put period undies on and black

bike shorts and I'm like, I'm going to leak. At least it's got lots of protection. Now, I'm all good. Within five minutes it's leaking through. My shorts are saturated. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

this is part of your ernie. I'm like, oh my goodness. So that day it was like it was on landed on the weekend. So like I just sat on the toilet for the next hour and then just had to like layer up, and then I obviously got like pads and stuff. And it was two days of just intensity. When I got out of hospital, I was all of a sudden craving steak, and I started eating steak like at least two times a day, sometimes three times a day, like breaking lunch and dinner, and I reckon my body.

Like intuitively knew to like stock me up and get me full of iron because I was gonna lose so much blood. Maybe that intuition was just like there, but yeah, it's so intense and it'll be passed by the time you guys listen to this. But like, we have a live podcast event tomorrow and I'm due tomorrow, and I'm like, Okay, how are you gonna do this? So our beautiful podcast producer. I called her like in a panic, and she's like, I've got you covered, and she messaged me that night

she's like a book black cushions. You guys gonna sit on those because it's like a beautiful white couch that was sitting on and I'm gonna be layering up. And Kiara knows all about it, so we'll just like be checking in. But yeah, right before we go into it, right when we exactly we've got a plan and play.

I've been implementing a lot of different things. And last month when I took my medication, I was like, my period's barely here. Also the month before that same sort of thing, and I was like, I feel like my body's ready to try to not be on the medication. But every time it lands on my period lately, and you're probably finding the same because we're pretty in sync. It's when we're up at the podcast. So every month I'm like, oh, just take it in case, Like I'll

just takeing a case. But I said to Ashley, I'm like, this is going to be my first month trying without my medication. So between the two.

guys need that time together. I'm going to stay with Tayla. That's what we did. We planned and book the trip. I get quite a lot of intrusive thoughts around my children being kidnapped or something happening to them. I've done a whole episode on them when I'm in the house alone. I've been an ambassador for Project Rescue Children before, so I've just heard the worst of the worst stories of what happens to little children, and especially in Europe, it's

just very common over there. So I had big fears of taking both of them, more so Tala because she's two and very unpredictable two year olds of like tornadoes. Can't have them on the lease. They literally ran away from you and likes targed. I can hold his hand the whole time and he just understands everything, so I felt safe for taking him. Anyways, we went, We had the best time. It was absolutely incredible. He was such

a legend to travel with. There was just no moments where I felt like he wasn't adjusting or he wasn't enjoying himself. The first time we got there, we were both very exhausted. If you guys watched my Instagram stories. We went to have pizza and he was like trying to keep his eyes open at the leaving the pizza. But it was like twenty four hours to get there. It's a friggin' hectic and even we got you Rome Airport was two and a half hours laate in the

immigration line. Wow. So he had a moment there where he was a bit overwhelmed because we were just so tired but after we got a four nights, so we went to bed like six pm. And it's complete opposite time zone, so when you guys were getting up, we were going to bed. But we went to sleep that night, woke up, got to explore Rome that was really really cool.

And then the next day we went to the wedding location, which was out at a place called in DC I think it is, and that's where most of the wedding guests were staying. It was just like only wedding guests on the property in the middle of nowhere, which was really cool. Made me feel like safe that everyone was just there. Taji and I had a little room and it was just really cool and the wedding was beautiful. And then next stop was Disneyland parents and oh it was so.

minutes long. So like with children, they don't want to be waiting in lines.

a beautiful lunch. It was like it was like a tariarchy chicken with like a fried rice and next to it there was a steakhouse, which we had to wait like an hour we went there, but we had a beautiful lunch and then we got a yummy soft served ice cream, and I think he got a cookie and it was beautiful. But just the joy in his face of like me being out of experience that with him was oh, just like I'll never forget it. The next day we drove into Paris City and it's just bucket

listed me and Steve has no interest in Paris. He just never wanted to go. It's just not something he's interested in. So I was so excited that I could go and like tick that off, and I fell in love with the city. It's magical. And once again everyone's like it's dirty. There's so much crime, like hold your handbag close, there's peppocket is everywhere. Didn't experience any of that, and everyone warned me that everyone's very rude. Complete opposite.

I think everyone was so kind, so understanding, even with language barriers. I went to like the touristy spots to get photos where you can see the Eiffel Tower. I put my trifle on there. I was like, I'm just gonna risk it, like I'm mindful, like I'm looking around to make sure no one's too close to tripod and I put Taje in place so quickly, push record, go stand there like do a little thing and then grab it again. But like, I didn't see any crime, so maybe we got lucky. But I found it a really

beautiful city. And yeah, we went to this incredible restaurant which I don't know how we got seats there because apparently it's so hard to get into it called led Giraffe, and they've got all inside that you can't see the Eiffel Tower, and then a couple of seats outside and we were bang in front of it, like literally, just like the most perfect view. We had an awesome steak, we got a yummy dessert, and then every hour on the hour, the Eiffel Tower sparkles.

was awesome. But then we were booked in for another hotel that had a view of the Eiffel Tower, and from the photos, the view looked very distant. When I got there and we pulled up to the hotel, I was like, it's right there. It's literally in front of us. So we got in our bowcon. I was like, oh my god, I'm not booking a restaurant tonight. We're getting room service and we're gonna sit and like eat and watch it sparkle. And we watched it at nine pm and ten pm, so we've got two more sparkles and

then it was time to come home. It was quite a fast trip for a europe Troops.

it's just the clouds, mom, It's okay, it's normal. With how relaxed he was, I was just like, Okay, we've got this. The jet LAG's rough, like I'm on sleeping tablets, taking half asleep in tablet each night. And the one night I didn't, I was awake from one am. So the jet lag on the way back rough. On the way over sweet, but Taj hasn't been faced. He's sleeping all night full of beans. So day we got home was like so exhausted, he was sweet. It has not

affected him one bit. I said it in a recommendation, and think in a previous episode or all like a share of the week. If you have older children, like I cannot recommend taking them on a trip more like it is just the quality time you get with them. It's so special. It's something I will never ever forget. And I want to take Tarla to Disneyland. To be honest, I was looking at the young kids around and I thought I would be like, oh, I wish Charla was

here to experience this. But honestly, the toddlers that were there were asleep in their pram, running away from their parents or screaming and having tantrums, and I felt like the parents looked really frazzled. The older kids kind of not were missing out, but it was just looking like much with Taj and I were literally like I was like a little kid, like running around with him, like just like getting all excited and chatting. It was just

it was really amazing. So when she's probably eight, I would probably take both of them again, but I wouldn't take her young when she can't remember it. I'm sure she had a great day.

but it's really cool to come home to Tala. Like I was telling Kiara this morning, she asked me her reaction, and when I came to the lounge dream she was just like mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy ran up to me and her legs It's like she couldn't control them. She was so excited, and she would just stare at me and like touch my face really softly and just like the biggest grin on her face. And we sat on the couch and she wrapped her legs around me and she just stare like there's this big grid in my

face and stare at me. And her and Steve had really beautiful quality time, like they have bonded so much. Like she was a massive mummies girl. Now at night, like I've always put it to bed and now it's like daddy, do daddy brush teeth, Daddy do this, Daddy, Daddy, daddy, Like it's very it's more even now. Yes, so I think they really got a chance to bomb. But when I'm there, when I was just there, was she always wanted me. So they've had that chance to like hang

out properly. And he's really loved that. Oh that's yeah, it's really nice. So my other update is just waiting for my next surgery public system. Everyone's like, why do you go private? But I want this same surgeon, so they only do public. I just want to get it over and done with. So yeah, I'm just waiting for that. Otherwise, life goes on. What's your update? Lot's been going on for you?

single morning the night beforehand. I've just been having to like you know, stay out with her and like have it pep talk with her and tell her like you know, like it's okay, Mommy will be there with you. We can go and do this, we can go and do that.

And it starts on like a Sunday night. She's really bad on a Sunday night, So she usually has like a big male down for like a solid hour or longer on a Sunday night, where she's needing a lot of comfort, and then it's I would say by Thursday she starts to get a bit more comfortable with going to school. Friday she's usually okay. Saturday she's good. Sunday it starts again. So it's pretty much like three days of the week where she's okay, and then the rest

of the time she's just been really anxious. We kind of knew what she was going through, and we have been seeing pediatricians to try to get some help to navigate through this. Her teacher put us aside and was like, you know, I've dealt with so many kids with anxiety and separation, anxiety and all different things, and she's like, I just feel like there's something a little bit different with Miller. Obviously hearing that, there's like two sides to

it all. There's the initial emotions of being upset because obviously she's already got things at an extra on her plate, being a baby that was born with a cleft and you know, having her surgeries and stuff that she still has to navigate. Kurd I held a lot of sadness just because you know, you just want it. You just want whatever issue they're going to have, like you just

want to take it on yourself anyway. We don't have any diagnosis of anything yet, but we are going through the process of potentially getting a diagnosis, which I'll talk about more once we actually get it. The reason why I'm kind of not sharing exactly what it is or anything like that is because I'm just kind of right now, I'm not wanting outside noise. There's enough like going on,

and there's so many people we're seeing. We're seeing natural paths, we're seeing psychologists, we're seeing neuropsychologists, we're seeing pediatricians, We're seeing her school counselor catch ups with their teachers. Like there's so much going on. A couple weeks ago, we had four appointments. One of them was with Kurtine it

was almost three hours long. With her neuropsychologist. It's just been really heavy, Like it's just been really heavy lately because obviously Miller not coping and being so upset and trying to hold her and be there for her and show up as the best mum I can be to make sure she feels comforted, and such a fine line of like you know, pushing and then pulling back on

certain things, like even dancing. I've taken her out of dance class because like it's just another whole thing for her right now, and she wasn't coping with that as well. She was getting super emotional when she had to go, So I was like, we're just like stopping that. There's enough going on. And then, you know, even just like with having a naturopath, there's all these new supplements, trying to get her to take the supplements, and it's been like the taste grows. They are fucking rank our kids

meant to do that, I know. So yeah, it's been a journey, guys, and it's just kind of us now we're in the unknown, we're in the limbo once we actually have a diagnosis, so obviously be a lot more we can.

She can't fake it. So it's just got to the point now where like that's why the anxiety is showing where it's coming from. It's not actually anxiety. It's because she's masking and trying to quote unquote fit in, and she's sick of having the mask up. She's got push to the point where she's like, I can't fake this anymore. So it made a lot of sense to me when she said in that way, because it did feel like it came on quite quickly, Like now we kind of

know all the things that we know. I feel like she probably is going to have a diagnosis with this. Once we know and we can support her, I will feel good, I think just right now because like even the school and stuff, they're definitely doing things to help with her. Like once we actually have like a diagnosis,

we'll know exactly what she's needing. Yeah, she's got a break card now, so whenever she needs a break, she just says like okay, or a teacher can say, I feel like you need a break, Miller, do you want to run up and go have a break, so she can go like play Lego, but just being in the classroom environment just seems to be very overwhelming for her. So that's just going to be the new thing for

us to navigate, you know. And I mean the coolest thing is we've got so many people that are incredible in their field that we're seeing and we're speaking to, so you know, whatever their guidance is with us best

assisting Miller. I've had an influx of messages coming through saying so many different opinions, and I just want to straightway say like please, I know you're coming from a good place, but right now, like we're getting advice from professionals and like even his people being like homeschooler but then like a professional right now is like saying, it's just such a fine line. Once we know what's going on, then we can start to make decisions because it's.

and it was a lot. There was a lot going on, and I pulled her aside and she just started sobbing, and she was like, why can't I just be normal? What's wrong with me? Like why am I feeling like this? And I just held her and I was like, your heart is your superpower, babe, Like all these big feelings you're feeling, like, yes, they feel like a lot, but there's so many beautiful things you can do with that, and like Mummy's always here to support you, like you know.

And we just ducked away and just went and hid in the back room for like an hour, and I was like, but it's just now us as her parents learning to adapt our lifestyle, because it's coming so hard and fast. It's us now learning what her capacity is and what she can and can't handle, because she's always mastered and now she can't anymore. It's us learning to support her and even little things like that. What we'll

probably do next time. I take two cars, so when she's ready to leave, one of us can go.

It's a lot. And then yeah, like I mean the other elements is like obviously I've definitely had my moments with like not so much Reagan because I feel like I get a lot of one on one time with Rigs when the others you're at school, but Lincoln, like whenever I have spare time, I've been really like all hands on deck with him, like going and playing soccer

last night, playing Harry Potter with him. The night before, We're cuddling on the couch, like just trying to find those pockets of time, but then also being there for Miller because she's needing me when she's emotional. It's just been a juggling act. But we should have a diagnosis by the end of October. Until then, it's just.

wanting to deal with my shit. And then the last like few days, I've been like what's going on here here? And I've really started to kind of bring it all back in and like, Okay, I need to keep connecting to myself so I can be her best mum and support her in the best way and not just like cover everything up with extra things.

times a day. She's just like an each your appointment you go to, like you nearly feel like you're like bad mouthing your kid, And I feel like it is time that needs to be spoken about as well, but it needs to happen. But like Kurt and I both walked away and were like that was horrible, Like the questions I asked, like just like all of her worst traits because they need to try to get to a diagnosis.

She's trying to understand this, so you're highlighting it and having to say like all the yeah, and I feels like we both just felt like and it's what Kurt said to me. He's like, I feel so shit saying it because she's like she's the best little girl, like she's an actual angel, and I hate being there and having to like pick apart. So I'm kind of glad like that part's done, Like we've gone through that now. So that's why I said to Kinm, like we don't

have to do that anymore. Like we've got our team of people and we've gone through the chat with each of them. Now it's just like how can we support her?

this journey that she's going on. You know, it's also really valid to just be like, fuck, this feels a lot, this feels heavy, this is sad, this sucks, like why us, Like you're allowed to have those moments as well, and even the distraction of work, like there's many ways that we cope and some days that's what you might need. Some days you might need to distract.

my masculine and that's exactly what I did. It helps you cope feel safe when I got pushed to that point of being like, oh my god, I don't feel safe anymore. It's like what can I do. It's like go back to your old ways.

feels like a bit out of your control. Definitely, all you can do, which the feminine is, is all about surrendering and trusting, Trusting in yourself, trusting in her that she's got this and it's got this, Trusting the medical team, yeah, trusting in the school, trusting in the journey, trusting in your family, dynamic, your unit, you container that you've held for her, like, trusting in all of it.