Apogee Production. Welcome to She Rises, Freaky Friday.
Go Secrets, Horror, Scandal, Hysterios wild.
I love this time of the week. It's time to let your hair down. You've had a hard week of work. Just sit back, relax, have a good laugh, or even if it's not funny, just sit back, relax and enjoy today's episode. Remember, Freaky Friday is not your typical self development episode. It's a day where we read out your anonymous submissions. And today, Oh it's a bit tricky this one.
Yeah, it's a push in the edge.
It is pushing edge.
But you know what, We're taking the personal development hats off this Freaky Friday and we're putting on your old ego hats. So grab your girl, grab your name, and let's party.
Let's do it to Tiana.
So here's our anonymous submission. I absolutely adore my partner. We've been together for five years, with a short break in between. We are engaged and have recently had our second child. He's the best dad and a wonderful partner. I honestly couldn't ask for anything more. Yet I can't get an old fling out of my head. We never actually dated. He and I hung out for a bit and we slept together in between our relationship. Over the years, we were like best friends. Everything was so easy. How
do I shake him? How do I let him go? Why do I still think about him? Why do I dream about him? He constantly reminds me that he is around all the time by liking my Instagram stories. No matter what, I post a little message here and there. And to be honest, I love my partner. I'm loving the life that we are building. I love our family. How do I close this chapter so I can finally move forward freely?
Oh? Honestly, for me, i'd be pretty cutthroat. It would be cut off all ties, all connections. If I truly loved my husband and he's the father of my children, I just value loyalty and honesty and transparency. I wouldn't want to have any chance of getting closer or building that connection if I'm happy where I am, So it'd be a cut It'd be blocking on Instagram, no contact, and I would put that boundary to him as well. Hey, I'm really not feeling comfortable with your contacting me. But
I can hear that she doesn't want that. Yeah, but what this is the decision are you wanting to build your family be with your husband, because if you continue the way you are, or it starts to grow and progress, you're not only hurting your partner, but you're putting your partner and your whole family and everything you've built in jeopardy.
It's a really uncomfortable one. I definitely haven't been in a relationship with somebody and had feelings for somebody else at the same time. I have had a moment where I've had feelings for two men at the same time, but I was single, yes, because that was conflicting. So I can't even imagine what it would be like to be married and have children. But this is one of those things where if you feed the bread crumbs, it will grow. So it's like, what do you value, what
do you want? What do you truly want out of this life? And really having that hard conversation with yourself, because if you feed the bread crumbs of the other man, the feelings will grow, but if you starve it out as well, it will die off. Have to be willing to fully let go of it to be able to fully be one hundred percent in with the man that you're building a life with I.
Would always ask myself a question, is there something I'm not getting in my current relationship that I'm searching or desiring for outside? And is that something you want to haven't been honest with yourself about to be honest with your current partner, because if there's something a need not getting met, maybe you're not even aware of it, but naturally that person's giving it to you. Is it more attention, is it more words of affirmation? Is it more conversation?
Is it you're feeling a bit lonely in motherhood and your partner's working hard and he's not doing anything wrong, But are you're needing more from your partner and you're getting that need met elsewhere? I think it's really important to have open dialogue and always talk to your partner about what they're needing and wanting. I know, I always want to fulfill my partner's needs. Yeah, you know, physically, emotionally, spiritually, everything.
I want to make sure that I'm feeling that for him, because I would never want the wandering eyes or him to feel like he's missing out or the grass is greener. I don't want him ever having that thought process. So she after nearly seventeen years. It's a conversation we've had to have quite often, and there's been times where it's like, yeah, I'm not getting this need met I want it from you. Can you give it? Can you meet me here? Are we still aligned? Is this too much for you? And
you have to have those honest, hard conversations. So that's something I would be exploring within myself. Is there something I'm not getting that I'm kind of thinking it's easy to get over here? Or is it just a thrill? Is it just a thrill and it's exciting, it's beg naughty. Yeah, maybe that's something you need to bring into your relationship now as well.
Something else that you're missing. Yeah, being like, oh wow, my life is feeling quite the same. It's like groundhole day every day. Everything's feeling a little dull. It's like you get to look at those things. And also, Tatiana over here is saying, cut contact girl.
The first thing that came to me for sure, cut it. Let's reverse the roles. Imagine if he was in contact with an ex someone that he had been fucking and had a connection with, and it felt so easy and nice. Imagine me using that language and he's still in contact with her, Like, how would you feel? I know, I'd be absolutely heartbroken, jealous as fun. Oh, I'd be Stephanie. Stephanie would be out. I actually be crying in the corner. Stephanie be like you fucking kidding?
Literally, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So just put yourself in his shoes, and how would he be feeling? And what would you want him to do in that situation? How would you want him to show up? Would you want him to cut contact, continue growing it, keep it a secret from you? Yeah, that's how you need to respond and show up and change.
Especially because there has been times where between your current relationship now you've gotten back into contact and slept with him again. That is like such messy grounds And like I totally get why you feel like it feels messy, because it is if it really is, and it just it leaves things open, does for you to blow up your current life, Like in reality, it does really do love and you've.
Got a beautiful man on your hands, and it's something obviously we cannot decide for you. This is we hope just this opens up some questions that you can ask yourself and reflect on yourself. But yeah, even just putting myself in the partner shoes. I just think about Steve if he was to be in contact with an exit he was fucking and using that language of oh it was so easy and nice, we were best friends. I'd be like, oh my gosh, my heart's just breaking him to a million pieces.
Yeah, for me, i'd be Tatiana goes into like I would be so disrespected. I'd probably be like ropable for a moment and I'd be like angry about it and just feel disrespected in that moment. So yeah, it just depends as well, babe, because it's the boundaries, isn't it. It's like the shiny object of the thing that you want to entertain is like coming out and like, you know, putting itself in front of you to go, hey, like you can lean towards this, You're gonna play with this,
You're gonna push the line of boundaries, you know. So it's like you get to have that internal check conversation with yourself, Girl, who do I want to be?
Yes, how do I want to show up?
Who do I want to be in this relationship?
For example? Do I want to be to my doughter?
Because even that entertainment of him messaging here and there, allowing him to like on social media is not it.
It's not it, babe. Can I ask you, Tana or Tatiana if you were the guy in this so you're partner you with Now he's still messaging someone that I used to fuck and he's got this connection with her. Would you be okay with that? Is that a game change? Is that a hell? No, we're breaking up? Like what would you do in this situation if you were him?
Not negotiable?
Same? I'm out? Same, Yeah, yeah, i'd be out.
Wonder lack of loyalty and I'm big on loyalty.
Both A very big on loyalty.
Consideration, yeah, consideration her betrayal. Yeah, betrayal is a big thing. So yeah, I just would be out. And it's not even like a fuck you kind of thing. It's not like that. It's just oh cool, like that's what you want to be doing. That's okay, you can go do that thing with that side. Like I'm a priority like I want to be and hope that i'd be a priority to you. And through people's actions you kind of learn where you sit on the scale. And if I found that out, i'd be out.
Yeah, how about you very similar verry out? I just wouldn't allow it. Yeah, we're so big on loyalty, we are. I think we struggle with people that are not as big on layal to that. We have these conversations.
All the time.
All the time, we're like, oh, but maybe they just don't value loyal to as much, Like maybe I should not value it so much? Am I being too harsh? And you're good at pulling out? You're like, no, that's what you value and you stand by that. If you value that, you deserve that.
Yeah.
So I hope that answer to your question. We hope that helps you explore what's coming up for you, because there's a reason why this is happening. It's just figuring it out and deciding who you want to be, how you want to show up, how you're hurting a partner, and what these outcomes could be if you continue, and how are you going to be okay with that?
That's right acknowledging the consequences of your current behavior, babes, and just going like, is this something I'm going to be okay living with if this were to blow.
Up in my face?
Because there's a potential that it can, which is a scary thing, and not to put pressure on you at all of how you're feeling, but at the end of the day, you would know how you're feeling, what it's bringing up for you, and that potentially not doing the right thing at that moment.
I think it could be a pretty if you love you truly love your husband like you've said, which really sounds like you do, and he's amazing, cut the contact, Yeah, cut the cord out.
Eight hundred pcent And you know what, babe, as well, it doesn't take away from the emotion that you felt with this other person, doesn't take away from that. You still get to that experience. But it's also like that part of your life is done now.
Yeah, it's a chapter close.
It's being willing to like gol of it, yeah, letting it go, letting it be in the past, letting it be an experience that you once had and it felt really good at one point in your life, but that's not for you now and being okay with that, or if you don't feel aligned with that, then it's looking out. Okay, are you in the right relationship now?
Yes?
There's two ways that you can look at this, that's a whole lot of kettle fish.
And dreams don't have to mean anything. Like, I've had plenty of dreams too. You have plenty of dreams yea about different people. Yeah, we've had sexual dreams sometimes, and he shares with me. I'm like, ah, what happened next? But you know it doesn't have to mean anything. I just want to get too caught up in that because it's on your conscious mind. You're thinking about him, you're in contact with him, you're connected with him. So when you go to sleep at night, it reappears.
And you know what it sounds to me. And I don't know if this is right or not, but this is what I hear that you want it to mean something. You want the dreams to mean something. You want the feelings to mean something. You want it to mean something. So look at what you feel like you're lacking in your relationship. Now, look at what you're lacking within yourself, and unpack it from that angle. But don't make something that you're feeling mean something that it doesn't have to mean.
Beautifully sad, Yeah, we would love an update.
Yeah, if you please send us a message.
Yeah, you can stay anonymous and pop it back into the Freaky Friday's submission form, which if anyone wants to submit anything, it'll be in the description box below. It's also in our Shoe Rises forum. But if you're open to it, we'd love to hear how you go. If you've decided to cut the cord, if you decided to leave your marriage, If you can't do either, give us an update. We'd love to stay updated. And nothing but love here one hundred percent, and yeah.
We hope to hear from you soon at the end of the day as well. Like this is also Freaky Friday, this is a little bit less personal development than what we would normally do.
So Besti's just giving some unqualified, yes, spicy advice.
Yeah, and you know what, direct and not cutthroat, but just very no bullshit kind of response.
And you know what, if take it with a grain of salt, yes, And if one of us was this was happening, if you came to me and said, hey, I'm with Lee and I've started messaging my ex and you know, I know I shouldn't, but he's I would be.
Like, yeah, noa, we're not doing that. You're not doing that to You're not doing that to yourself. No, do that to see, No way you would pull me up. In less than a second, we're like, we're not doing this.
Not at all. There's things that we wouldn't let fly and we're not going to allow them to fly with you as well, because we want the best for you exactly, and we want you to be proud of yourself as well.
And it takes these.
Hard conversations to be able to get to that person.
I love that we're holding you to a higher standard, just as we would each other. Absolutely, this isn't us personally attacking you or anything. We would do this to each other, done with love. So give us an update and thank you so much for all listening. We'll see you on Monday. Bye guys,