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Welcome to She Rises, Freaky Friday, Secrets, Horror, Scandal and Mysterios Smild Freaky Friday.
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Excited all right, Today's submission.
Here, he goes, give me the goods.
When I was single, I worked somewhere and kind of liked a guy from another company we worked with. Time went on and I met someone new, and I had a baby, etcetera, etcetera. About two years later, I realized the guy I had a crush on out of me on Snapchat, but I never accepted at the time as I didn't realize who it was. Long story short, we spent some time chatting here and there and occasionally flirting.
Ooh.
He now has a partner, as do I, and we have stopped speaking naturally, although when we were speaking we did both say.
How we liked each other, et cetera.
Shit, even though I'm ool, even though I'm fairly happy, that would.
Fairly I don't know.
Even though I'm fairly happy in my relationship, I cannot get this guy out of my mind and really just wish he would message me, as I'd love to chat. As wrong as that is, as I wouldn't message him first, How can I stop thinking about him?
Lock him?
His dad and I must have mutual Facebook friends. So comes up in my suggested friend's list and his dad has.
A picture of him in it. Even the dad is hot too, Stop it, saucy girl.
Yeah, but also you're in a relationship and so is he. How would you feel if your husband wanted to reach out to a girl or he was hoping another girl would reach out to him. Yeah, there's something missing in your relationship, even.
The fairly good I'm my girl, there's something to look at here because it's just for you to I mean, the fact that you even think the dad is attractive. Like, don't get me wrong, you can look it's so fine, and you're allowed to think that people are attractive. But also it's like, really, honey, in that sexual energy of yours, if it's like you're not getting it from your relationship,
it's not permission to reach outside. It's actually permission to like look within and go to that relationship and go, Okay, what do we fix?
How do we fix what's broken? What's missing? There's something in there.
From my experience, and I've been with Steve for seventeen years now, when we are connected, our needs are getting met, when we're feeling so in love or communicating beautifully, it's like tunnel vision.
I don't look at men.
Yeah, there has been times throughout our seventeen years, and Steve and I have spoken about this openly where if we're not connected and we're in a Yucky's phase or we're not getting our needs met, the eyes start to wander.
Of course, we've never cheated, but like I start to wander.
And we've spoken about this openly, and I think it's a really healthy conversation to have because I never want his eyes wandering, So I'm always making sure that I'm fulfilling his needs and we're communicating and checking and where our love languages are at. So I just feel like, you're not fully in this relationship. And I feel for you, and I feel for your man, but put yourself in
your partner's shoes. How do you feel if he was feeling like this would you appreciate him coming to you and saying, hey, babe, fuck, I'm just not feeling really connected, or we're not having sex, or I don't know if someone's just missing for me.
Do you want to talk about it? You want him to do that for you.
So I feel like you need to pour more into your relationship and stop looking outside for it.
This is definitely one of those things as well, Like, at the end of the day, you're choosing to be committed to your partner, right, You've chosen that, You've chosen that, and so it's like it's your responsibility as a partner to starve out anything that kind of builds elsewhere, like emotional connections, physical attraction, whatever it is with somebody else or outside of that union dynamic that you've built. It's literally your responsibility to starve out anything that is there.
And also, as while it's not dismissing the fact that you might feel this way, there's nothing wrong with that, but it's also going, Okay, what is it about this person that you're fantasizing about? What is it about this person that is drawing you in? Because there's a way that you're feeling from this other person that you're not getting in your relationship, but because you get it with that person, it's like enticing for you to want to go there, but you're not going to be proud of
yourself about it later. So just getting clear on what that actual thing is that it's making you feel, and then going okay, having that conversation with your partner and going, this is what I'm meeting in the relationship.
How can we cultivate this together?
Yeah, Like you can feel and think something but not have to make it mean something. And that's a really important thing to note. But it's just how much are you entertaining these thoughts because if you give them weight, trust me, your mind will run with them and you'll make up an entire story around how you should leave your partner and this is the person for you. But
maybe it's not that. It's just the feeling that you're wanting to chase that's making you feel good about yourself that you can look at and implement into your current relationship.
But I would not be adding on Snapchat, I would not be inviting messages. Now you're encouraging that in there, and that is like what's your intention behind that? Like that's for example, he did message you and said, hey, how are you doing? You look really happy right now? What have you been up to? You start initiating this conversation back and forth? What's the outcome you want? Is this going to be a couple of messages or are
you thinking about cheating? And where your energy goes, energy flows, So why you're putting energy into this other guy who was also in a relationship. You're starving out your current relationship, and of course that's going to start to break down. How are you going to feel when that starts to break down, or how is your partner going to feel when he finds out that you are excited?
I don't know.
I'm assuming because we don't have a lot of context. Maybe you are just wanting to feel more desired and more wanted and more sexual, and maybe you're not getting that in your relationship. But once again, that's your responsibility as an adult and as a partner, is to devote a partner to go to your husband and say, hey, stop feeling it here.
I don't know if it's a.
Sexual energy, or you're distressed with work, or we're both in our own heads, but I'm just not feeling connected. How do we bring that back in more because I don't want to have a wondering eye, and I feel like I do like be honest. Yeah, sometimes honesty all the time. I think honest communication is kind communication.
Yeah, you say that often. I love that you say that. And it's important as well that.
These sorts of things are a really slippery slope if you entertain them right and in a relationship, anybody given the opportunity, there's always an opportunity for something bad to go wrong right, for bad something bad to happen, But in a relationship is about preventing those things from escalating. I mean, it's like anybody in the right situation can be capable of anything, but you don't want to be that person, and you're not choosing to be that person.
So how can you prevent things like this from happening where you don't end up being the person who cheats, Where you don't end up being the person who's out of integrity and doing the wrong thing by the person that you say that you love. It's about foreseeing the future and going, Okay, where is this behave you're going to land me? And am I going to be proud of that? That's the biggest thing. If you can anchor into that, I promise you you'll stop doing what you're doing.
One.
I just know i'd feel physically ill if I was entertaining that. I would not be proud of who I am. I would feel sneaky. Sneaky? Are you doing something wrong?
Like you're doing something wrong by the people you love?
Ask yourself morally, where you're at. Is that someone that you want to be? Probably not, so I would be investing a lot more into my relationship. And there also might be questions of are you guys aligned anymore?
Is it just not? There? Is your chapter done with that partner? But I don't know.
I would rather, I've always said Steve, I would rather him hurt my feelings in the moment of coming to me and being honest and saying I've got a running oh I'm not feeling attracted to you or things are missing for me. Then him go and cheat on me or do something outside the relationship and I find out like that because me, then the trust is broken and the lack of communication it's very hard to come back from a repair. Whereas if you're hurt an upset, but
you've got something to change and work on. You can go and do that together, and it only builds a stronger foundation of trust, which I think is so important in a relationship.
I think as well, then when you do what you just said, you also can go wow, I did everything I could to make this relationship work.
And then once you've.
Gone through all the options, at least you can if you decide you're not happy, you can go wow, I actually tried everything, and I feel okay to leave now if that's the direction you want to go in. But again, not shaming yourself or judging yourself for the fact that this has come up and you're in this situation. It's really about what you choose from this moment on. That's all you need to focus on.
There was a past Freaky Friday submission and she had gone that step further and cheated. It was ages ago and the guilt she felt and then she wanted to go back and try again, and she was like it just was not worth it. She've had so much regret and so much shame. So that's just something to think about, like you said before, thinking about who you want to be and how you would feel if that happened. And also I just think put yourself in his shoes, shoes
and your partner's shoes. You would hate for him to be doing this.
With another woman. Would you break you?
Yeah, you feel like you're not good enough or your insecurities come up, you'd just if you got it'd be so sad. So why would you want to inflict that on another humor? Yeah, yeah, but they mean.
To think about appreciate it. We appreciate the honesty.
And yeah, if you have anything else you want to bring in, feel free to write another submission.
We'd love to hear from you.
But if anybody else has any submissions like this, we would love to hear from you. Bring all the stories in.
It doesn't have to be like this.
It can be your own unique story, and that's what we want to hear. We want to hear what's authentic to you and anything that you've got that you want to share or get off the chest.
And the more details, the more context.
The better. We love it.
Yeah, we love the details because it helps us understand the situations, what's going on, and this is kind of stuff we would talk about in our friendship or without other girlfriends or whatever. So the more context and details the better.
Just remember like you're getting Stephanie and Tatiana's like raw on his thoughts, like you're going to hear it straight, no bullshit, no fluff, no, none of that stuff.
As we work for each other.
Right, Yeah, so good, thanks for joining us, guys, see you next week.
Bye,