Apogae Production. Welcome to the sheep Risers Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
This podcast is.
About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
We help you shed the shame grows to a new level. We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
Get ready for your next level of self.
Hello everybody, Welcome back to a Wednesday episode. Today, we have a random episode of random thoughts. Yeah, but we thought it would be really interesting and just maybe entertaining if you guys listen to. So both got a bunch of random thoughts and we're gonna chat about them together, so you guys can hear. Yeah, help me to go first.
Yeah, absolutely, bring it in.
As you guys may or may have not known, I had my second brain aneurism surgery a couple of weeks ago, and I just had this random thought and I see you looking down at my wrist. I'm like, how the fuck do they operate on my brain by going up through my wrist? And I know a lot of you are thinking this because a lot of you dm me asking why I had didn't get any of my hair shaved.
So when Steve had a brain aneurysm, they had to cut his whole skull open, shave the back of it, cut it all open, pull his brain out, pull out the aneurysm. He'll all put it all back together. He's got this massive scar, like the hair never grows back where his scar is. It was a wild thing his hospital for six months, whereas mine, my anneurism was a lot smaller than his. In a different type of anneurysm.
They literally go up through my arterie, through my wrist and insert a stent into my aneurism, which is mind blowing. Like thinking about it, I'm like, what the actual fuck. And they can do that for heart surgeries as well.
That's crazy.
They can go through your wrist and through your growing up to your heart and put stents in there. It's mind blowing, right, that's impressive. It's really impressive even the thought of that.
I know how you barely have a scar.
I know there's two tiny little scars from both surgeries, and like you have to look up close to see them. Looks like a little pencil mark, you know, when someone like holds a Pence reckle twist. Yeah, so that's my first random thought. What's yours? I was having this.
Thought last night.
So I just got back from the Billie Eilish concert in Brisbane and I left the concert. We were waiting for our driver to come get us, and I was sitting there thinking how crazy is it that her life? That imagine having the whole world be your biggest fan, And I just was thinking in my head like she wouldn't be able to live a normal life. Even in
the airport there was photos of her being photographed. You could not even see her skin, babe, and she was so easily identifiable, obviously by the way that she dresses, but people knew.
That it was her.
She had like a mask on Sonny's a hat or hoodie. Yeah, like photo she was fully covered and people could identify her.
This is so random.
For this is literally what I've been thinking about the last twenty four hours. Random thought is that I remember looking at her on stage and looking at her on the big screen and thinking like, wow, she looks sad today. And then I ended up talking to my brother about it in the morning and he go, oh, yeah, she's been really sick. So she's performing while she's been really sick, So makes sense why I thought that. And also this
Australian tool is her first tool without her family. She's not performing with her brother, which she normally does, and it's like the best thing in the world to her, Like she just wouldn't live a normal life. No, Like, how does she go anywhere? How does she do anything? Does she leave the house?
Like?
Imagine having the whole world obsessed with.
You, that you literally have raving fans that are screaming everywhere that you go.
I can't imagine. I thought about that when Taylor came to Taylor Swift. I was like, whoa, I just can't imagine your life like that.
It's insane.
Yeah, every move, everything you do is been watched, you being followed. Everyone's so interested, so much gets made up about you, assumed about you. You get criticized for everything.
Oh but even like sitting in the crowd, I was thinking to myself, like people literally screaming like behind, in and in front from everywhere.
I love you, Billy. I just can't.
Fathom that people can't hold it together when it's another human thing.
Do you know what I mean?
No, I can't relate to it. There's never been in the celebrity that I would ever camp out for, yeah, or line up for ten hours or there's not even that many live concerts I've gone to. Like, I love a lot of artists, but to be that obsessed with them, I can't relate.
It's wild.
And you know, you see videos of people on social media and they're like crying and their videos and hysterically crying oh.
God, like and I'm just like, that's another human being.
Like, imagine putting aside the love and the admiration that you have for that person, Imagine how that would be on the receiving end for that person.
Like, I just can't fathom.
Yeah, I can't fathom that either. Wow. You know what I'm pondering on at the moment because I got sent this screenshot from a gossip page the other day, and people just send me a screenshot. It's not like, hey, babe, really supporting you, like what you let know about this. They just send me a screenshot of what people are saying about me. And people the other day were saying that for someone who's so well put together, which thank you, I don't feel like I'm always put.
Together you think I'm well put together.
Her kids look homeless. You think she'd take her son to get a haircut because he just got a cut, actually because of them. Yeah, he decided to Actually, the hairdresser fucking decided to go shorter, but he had long hand. He really loved it. He wanted his curls back from when he was younger, and you can see Tyler's got curls. Says he want his curls back. I said, you probably need to grow your hair because when it cuts, it cuts the curls off at the ends. When it gets longer,
he gets curly ends. So he wanted to grow it long. And he got his curls back, and he was loving it. It was starting to kind of get in his eyes a bit, and we went to get a trim, which he wanted, and the hairdresser ended up getting Sis are happy and it's way shorter now. But I was just pondering. I'm like, I went really deep in it. One. Why are you sending me this? It doesn't serve me. What I don't know doesn't hurt me. Let me live over here in fairyland. I don't give a fuck what's saying
behind my back? Truly, Yes, it doesn't impact me in a positive way if you send it.
Yes.
Three, Why are you in a gossip page? What does that do for your life? What makes you want to join in there? What makes you want to stay in there? What makes you want to engage? I want you to think about what emotional needs this is meeting for you? Is it significance? Is it community? Is it connection? Is it variety? And understand all of that, but is there a healthier, more productive way to get those needs met?
Is this helping you achieve your goals? Definitely not? Is this helping you be the woman you know you can be? Definitely not? Is this helping you be a better mother? One hundred percent not? Ye. Is your partner attracted to you being in gossip pages looking at if I'm bitching about other girls? Definitely not. Would you want your daughter to be in there bitching about other girls? Nope? What would you think about your sister being in there having
a bitch about other girls? You wouldn't like that?
Not at all?
So why are you in there? I've just been pondering on it. I'm like, seem really curious on why these women are in there? And I had another girl reach out and she was really lovely. It was actually about being in hospital, and someone sent a screenshot saying that all the nurses were laughing at me in hospital and they're going to find out the tea about me. They know someone that works in there. And I was just like,
oh my god, is this legal. I spoke to Meg about it and she's like, no, they would lose their job. It's like full confidentiality, then allow us speak about you. And they obviously are the trolls are just making things up. I'm not too sure, but I was just like, wow, this happens. I would never It just got me really curious as to why women do that, what they get out of it. Yeah, Yeah, it's interesting.
It's definitely a really interesting one, isn't it, Especially like the passing on the information. It's like you could see, like if you assume the best, you could see how somebody might want to do that from a place of like warning you. Yes, But also it's really a discernment thing, like access discernment in those moments of like, Okay, she's showing this person going to help their mental health?
Is it going to benefit them anyway?
You?
Like what you said is it going to be a positive thing for them.
Absolutely not.
Sometimes ignorance is bliss when it comes to things. Sure, especially with the Internet, like people do and say very unhinged things and very.
Unhinged place you know, So it's.
Like it's going to happen. It's like, do you need to be receiving it?
No?
Do people also need to be passing on that information? No, because they're also engaging it in their.
Own life too.
Yeah, actgetically they're.
Being a parti it.
Yeah, they're actually choosing to contribute to the drama that's happening by involving themselves in.
It has nothing to do with them. The hairstyle and I was like, I don't know why you're sending me this. And then the girl that sent the hospital stuff, she was genuinely concerned. She wants to take it further. Yeah, she's like, if you're not going to take this further, I am Because she had a mum in hospital at that point in time. She was like, I'd fucking be so upset if the nurses were one laughing about you when you're in a hontable position, but two like then
allowed to share your information. So she's like, if you're not going to take this further if you don't mind, I will. I was like, well, that's really lovely. She was coming from a good place, but I just wanted to share that in case you are in a gossip forum and maybe you're you're like, oh shit, why am I in there? Like, I get it's interesting, Yeah, it's gossipy. It's like watching a TV show or I don't know, maybe you're a bit lonely or bored or I don't know.
You're interested in someone's life, so you're trying to find out different pieces. I'm trying to understand it, but I still just can't relate. It's not something I would ever want to be a part of.
Yeah, So it's these kind of behaviors that we get to look at, especially if like anybody who is in a gossip page. But it's also on the other hand, going oh, I want to find my people, and I want to put myself in better environments, and I want to be surrounded by better people who are focusing on growth and not talking about people. It's we get to look at ourselves of being like, Okay, why am I
in this gossip page? If what I'm trying to say, and trying to create for myself is the complete opposite, because you'd very rarely, almost ever find the people that you're actually.
Looking for in places like that.
Oh gosh, no, not in that low vibration.
No, not at all.
Nah. If you've being really honest with yourself, you do not want to be living in that low vibration. Yeah, that's not the kind of people you'd want surrounded by.
It's just another way to take responsibility for what we're doing and what we're choosing and why we're maybe where we are in life.
It's just really cool to look at. It's curiosity.
Yeah, that's what I wanted to bring it up to hopefully just maybe make some people take a breath and go, oh shit, Yeah, okay, why am I in there? Why would I send that to that person? Do I want to be a part of that? Yeah, that's not helped me in any way. No, thank you. Join a page it's about uplifting women, or about growth, or about something you're passionate about. Good time, so precious and so much your energy. Yeah, the full energy exchange being in that
and it will drain and suck the life out of you. Yeah.
My other random thought is just because we've sparked this conversation. Now it's brought up a conversation we're having the other day that I just genuinely can't fathom sometimes why some people who have fake profiles of user underscore one, two, three, four five you.
Were blocking the other day, It's like, what are you doing? You're like, I'm just blocking these fake profiles.
Oh I always do.
If I ever see a fake profile with no post, no image, I would just block them immediately because I'm like, you're obviously here for no good, and immediately I just don't want a part of that.
It's just not worth it.
I love that boundary you have if you want to follow me on a normal profile, follow me on.
A normal profile, normal, I know, do you know what I mean?
Like, Or if they have a profile and it's like this one the other day, it's like peace and puppies. It's like, you're not peaceful.
You're literally trying to fight with me at six am on a Saturday morning.
Literally you're not peaceful. So blocked.
I just genuinely can't understand how some would want to spend their energy trying to misunderstand you and trying to fight with you back and forth on a post when you know, I just don't understand.
I don't think we ever will understand because it's not what would ever do.
Like there's been some trolls and even like I feel like we've responded like quite well back and been respectful and kind and thoughtful and just like reflected back some things, and then they just want to fight. And you can see after like one to two to three responses that they're there to argue with you and they're looking for a fight, and to be honest, like it's just.
Not something I'm willing to entertain. Yeah, I'm just not.
Tiana manages our social media accounts and it's been cool, especially the last couple of weeks when there has been more hate just observing your responses. And then I've said to you a couple of times when they reply back, like are you going to respond again, You're like, I'll do one more time than after that they've made up their mind. I'm not going to keep fighting with someone that is so committed to misunderstanding us. They're not here
to have a conversation. And I feel like you can pick them quite well, but you'll always give everyone the benefit of the doubt. So you'll always reply once yeah and explain the situation or help them see your different side, and sometimes they come back in their suite, other times not Yeah, I just trust you to make the right decision.
Yeah, it's cool here.
I appreciate that because it's just like you know, I'm not here to say that no one gets to have an opinion. I think everyone gets to have an opinion. And I'm not mad at people for disagreeing with what we post or something that we've shared, Like, I don't blame them. I don't expect everyone to love what we post. However, I do expect people who are going to come onto our social media is to come with respect. Yes, and if they don't have that, like I just don't have
time for it. But also even when they don't, I can still have respect and still resk. We can still have respect and respond in a respectful way because we don't need to stoop to that level, like I'm never going to be match someone in that frequency and that energy of what they're coming at us for when we're just doing our best to share like our magic with the well it's.
Been for me to learn from you too. I feel like I'm getting a lot better at my responses where sometimes I get a bit defensive and I think it's just been fifteen years online. I'm like why, Like I get a bit worn down sometimes, but it's been awesome to learn from you how to communicate away and allow people to have their opinions, for you to still stand up for yourself as well. But just yeah, I open
up different conversations. It's really cool. I'm enjoying them coming in for us to be able to respond in a way we're proud of. Yeah, and hopefully see if we can shift their perspective on us all the topic or whatever it is that's upset them. And then if they're not, it's like okay to say, you don't have to be here.
So just to give you guys some context, like there was one that we got in the DMS not that long ago, and obviously if you guys have been listening, and you guys know that, unfortunately Ramber has passed away and all of that situation had happened, and essentially what happened from then, I took over the social media and I just let everybody know that as well, and I posted continuously about our Valentine's Day event because it was the week prior, and you know, we have work commitments,
we've got contracts in place for what we're doing with the podcast.
Wing in for the event. Yeah, we can to the event.
We couldn't cancel the event.
And we got a DM and someone had said directly to me that I was money hungry because I wasn't making the social media go dark for a week. I wasn't respectful, It was disrespectful for me to continue posting what I was posting, and that it looked like I was money hungry, and that I didn't care about what was happening. And I just responded to this woman and just like sent a long message and just gave her some context and just said like, hey, I really don't
appreciate your message. Is really disrespectful, like it's really hurtful when everyone is grieving, and then gave her some context about what's actually happening behind closed doors, and she actually came good, and she was like, I'm so sorry, like I shouldn't have seen it so black and white, but I judged something just in the split moment, and she took responsibility for it. So beautiful, and then she was like, I actually love.
What you guys are posting. I appreciate what you guys do.
And you know, so it's just allowing people to have their thoughts, their opinions and whatever it is that they want to say, and then we can respond how have we won? And then you know, if they come around, they come around. If not, that's also okay too, but just not here.
It is good to give context Sometimes sometimes I feel in two minds too, wan of thoughts, like we didn't owe anyone an explanation, not at all. But then sometimes it is good to give context. I remember that reply. There's been so much come through, but I shouldn't be online. We shouldn't be doing this and doing that throughout this whole thing. But it's like, you guys are seeing literally
a tiny snippet of what we're posting about work. You don't know about the twenty three other hours of the day, what we're doing to support someone who's grieving, or support their family, or support our friends, or support ourselves. Actually have no idea, And I think that's a really important thing to remember. Whoever you're following online, you're seeing two percent of their day literally, and if they're sharing more great, you can have more compassion for what they're trying to hold.
But it's just so easy to quickly jump to an assumption that they're doing things wrong where they shouldn't be doing something or showing up a certain way, but you don't actually have context or understand what they actually have to do. And me being online or us being online, Yes, it's fun, but we are also in a contract. Yes, I caught my podcasts which ducers and said I'm having a week off, but didn't mean you could just take
a week off as well. You know, we have things in place that we have to do in responsibilities and bills to pay, things that need to be done.
And just because it looks a little different doesn't mean that it's not work.
Yeah, because you go to an nine to five, it doesn't mean our work is any less important.
We had this conversation the other day talking about how just because people see the fun conversations that we have, people don't recognize the amount of work that goes in behind the behinds of what we're doing, especially with everything that we're doing with the events, while we're doing the social media's podcasting, all of that stuff, Like it's a commitment it's still work at the end of the day.
It's commitments. We have responsibilities in the roles that we both play, and it's really easy to look at what we do and go, oh, wow, they're having so much fun. That means that they don't have anything that's hard or responsibility wise or commitments. It's just like, well, they're just having a conversation and they go from the day.
It's so not like that.
And you know, or without the job that I have and being online back to like the Megazi thing, I wouldn't have been able to raise fifty thousand dollars. My community got behind them. Yeah. I also wouldn't have been able to be at Megsie's house as much as what I was if I didn't have the job that I have. Because I've shown up online and I've created this lifestyle, I've been able to support megs in a way that
I have. And a lot of her friends work nine to five and they couldn't go and be at a house all the time.
You were there every day.
Yeah, But like, why should I be criticized for doing that just because my job looks a little bit different. Yeah, No matter what you do, there's going to be someone that doesn't agree with it and someone that criticizes it and thinks it's the wrong way. But no one can tell you what's wrong or right, especially in grief. Everyone grieves differently. Yeah, it's so interesting and hectic to go through because even myself, I'm like one minute I'm okay and the next minute I'm just not. And it's such
an emotional rollercoaster. Yeah, it's really hard to navigate and just allow it all to be there. Yeah.
I think an important thing to note as well is like when you're seeing people on social media and you've just seen someone go through something heavy, and then they're posting something happy or they're posting something and you think
that they shouldn't be doing that. Can we just agree and make a pact right now that we're going to start assuming the best of people that like, no matter what we see online, that there maybe even for you, for example, people having something to say about you being happy whilst grieving and doing all these things for business, Like maybe you're just doing the best that you can. Maybe you're trying to keep yourself afloat so that you can hold everybody and continue to do so.
Like what you've been doing.
This whole time, Like, can we just agree to disagree that we're going to start to assume the best and not the worst of people, especially the people that we say that we look up to and that we speak highly of and all these things. But then you know, they do something, one wrong thing, and all of a sudden it's you know it's wrong. No it's not, but in people's eyes, yes, she's doing a wrong thing.
You shouldn't be happy. How could you be happy? How could you post a dancing video? You know what? That like two minutes of dancing might have been the highlight of my day that day. Maybe I was grieving, like this is truth, grieving and crying and having a really fucking tough time, and then I got to just be silly and playful and be in that joy for a moment. And this is something Megsi's taught me as well. It's just to allow it all to be there. Because you're grieving.
Does that mean you can't ever be happy again? Yeah? Does that mean you can't laugh with your kids again? Does that mean you can't show up online and share your story? There's no rules as to how grief is and we need to allow Megsi and anyone listening grieving to have their process exactly how it feels good for them and for me. I jump amongst it all and
I allow all that to be there. I allow myself to be happy and have fun during my work of being with my kids and being silly or play with my husband, that I allow myself to go to Megsi's house and fucking cry for three hours and be there with her and hold her and that and talk about whatever she needs to talk about in that moment. It's allowing all of it to be there and not demonizing any of it. Yeah, it's turned into a rant. I love it. Oh, I love that. What's your next one?
I just wanted to say, the difference in the opportunities from when I was younger to the next generations of
online work is bizarre. Like when you think about this all the time, I can't tell you the amount of hard work and dirt that I had in my nose, literally in my head, on my body from working in construction for five bucking years to all of the younger generations being able to clock in and clock out to be social media marketers or managers, or to have online roles and it's just unlike, I love it for them,
I really do. But we talk about the contrast of the type of work that we had to do back then to what people had the opportunity now, how crazy. It's polarizing.
And then you think about the generation above us they had to work trivial times harder, and above them it almost gets like easier and more fun as the generations go along.
Yeah.
Like, it's not to say anything's bad, because no, I love the opportunities for gen Z. Even my job now gets to be like that. Yes, but I think back to what my mum had to do and how hard she had to work for a dollar compared to what yeah, gen Z's do now, I'm like, whoa, it is just random thoughts. It's just random thoughts.
It's just so cool because I honestly, I just think about like, shoveling dirt for like twelve hours.
I don't know how the fuck you did that day. That is not from me. Oh my god, you'd have been the sexiest girl on the side, that's for sure. So funny. I was thinking the other day about how when life feels really really comfortable and good and content and then all of a sudden something comes in. It's like I literally I feel every time I voice that to Steve when I'm like, oh my gosh, life right now, can it freeze? It feels so good. I'm so content,
I swear. The next day or the next week something comes in to just throw me off, and not in a pour me victim way. It's like I need to learn whatever that lesson is to help me level up, because I never want to be comfor. I always invite and ask growth in. I love it, Yeah, always like bring it, bring it, like I'm ready. But you know, I always have random thoughts about that always happens. And then because I have that thought process, I'm like, am
I manifesting it? I'm putting it out there. Yeah, But in the moment, I'm like, no, I just said life is really content. I'm happy in don't.
It's so funny.
It does happen like that sometimes though, because he's like, oh, this is really good.
And then it's like boom, here's another lesson. Yeah, oh you're feeling good. Oh boom, I think.
That traun was gone. It's back.
Yeah.
True, you thought you've done the word.
Here's another situation to help you heal that wound you.
Love so much. I just always think beyond that. I love going in deep thoughts, but beyond that too, I'm like, I want a big life. Yeah, I have to do big things and I have to get really uncomfortable and I have to push myself. And if I want a mediocre life, then all that wouldn't be happening for me.
This is happening for me, not to me, And this is forever work right. Literally, we can do hard things. Literally, we all can do hard things.
Love it.
This is really random, but it has to do with going to the Billie EARI concept. I remember thinking when the tickets went on sale, Oh do I really want to go see her that bad? I'm not really much of like a die hard fan for like really anyone, So I was like, oh, I'm not really it's going to be worth it kind of thing, and I was like, four hundred dollars, can I justify that?
Whatever?
When I realized that it was sold out, I realized that, like it was something that I really wanted to experience, and I.
Knew regret not going to Taylor too.
I regret not going to Taylor, and I just remember thinking in that moment where else does this show up in my life? Like, where else do I try to convince myself that I don't need something because of whatever reason, whatever way I justify it. Instead of just going I really want to experience this thing, how about I just do the experience, live the experience, have the moment, go
to the place, do the holiday. You know how many times do we potentially limit ourselves from not experiencing things because we justify.
That we don't need it, that we don't need to deny ourselves of it.
Yeah, it was.
Just really a cool moment because I was like, me, wanting to go to Billy is not for anybody else. This is one of those things that was like a Tiana wants.
To experience this.
And I was like, you know what, how about the next time that you want to do something, you just buy the tickets fucking from the first.
Go just do it.
I love that.
That's really cool because you grow and learn and it was a really beautiful experience.
Like it's all about memories. What are you working so hard for if you're not going to spend the money on the thing or the adventure or the memory. Yeah, keep saving when you're eating. You've got money in the bank. Cool, what do you do with that?
The backstory on this and why I'm thinking this is because a couple of years ago, I was really bad with money, so like I had just a not very healthy relationship with money and not a lot of experience with money. So when I would get it, I would spend it on silly stuff. And then I had a boundary with myself and I was like, we're not going to buy anything outside of essentials. And I realized that I still have that mindset now of I'm not going
to buy anything outside of essentials. And I was like, fuck, how many times have I limited myself from experiencing things simply because I'm like, no.
No, no, don't spend, don't spend, don't spend.
You know you had that realization, I think maybe a couple of weeks ago when you're like, oh, you've got so many nice dresses and like, I love shopping. Yeah, it's hobby. I really enjoyed. You're like, fuck, I really deny myself of buying new clothes. Yeah, I've still got this mentality that I'm not allowed to spend. Yeah, it's like, good, buy that dress, Go treat yourself.
Oh and you know what, it was really productive at the time, Like it was, Yeah, it was what I needed at the time, But I realized now that my life has changed and as my life has evolved, I'm like, I don't necessarily need to keep doing those things, Like I'm allowed to have moments where I give myself those things.
And it's just a really.
Beautiful lesson as well to just for anyone listening that you get to invest in yourself. Yes, no matter what that may be, whether it's an experience, whether it it's the beautiful dress, whether it's a new lip liner, where it's something that's ten dollars a fucking coffee every morning, like whatever it is that is your thing, just know that you're allowed.
To have that and you don't have to carry any shame for it.
And investing in yourself in this way is only going to bring you a better quality of life anyway, and that's what we're all after, is a better quality of life.
I love that, that's mine. That's what I've got for today.
So beautiful that anyways, they were just some random thoughts we thought would pop in. Let us stuff you guys like this style of episode because we have lots of conversations about random shit like this all the time, and it's cool to bring it in because when you talk about something, I normally learned something as well, or I it makes me inquire about myself too, so I think it's really empowering and vice versa. I love it. Thanks guys, we'll see you in the next episode.
Bye bye,