Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana. This podcast is.
About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
We'd help you shed the shame, grow to new level. We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back to she Rises podcast. In today's episode is all about friendship breakdown do but first share of the week, Hashy, what are you up for us?
Mine is a TV show. It's on Prime and it's called The Cross. It's a crime one. It was just fantastic. It's a shorter series. I think there's only eight episodes, but if you love crime and mystery and being on the edge of your seat and all the twists and turns, absolutely loved it.
Oh I love it.
Is it scary or no gory? Not gory, but it's crime. I love crime. It's my favorite.
So that gets you thinking and you yeah.
And you've got to try and figure out the mystery and what's happened and oh why didn't it see that coming? Oh gosh, who's that person? I didn't think they were involved like that. Yeah, really cool.
Well, my share of the week this week is honestly, just do a parties class.
Oh we are loving our floor parties. Oh, we are so obsessed.
It has been the best. Like I'm a full on weights girly like I've been. I've been training weights for almost a decade now and I love it.
I love it.
It's the best thing. But like anywhere between five and six days, and it's just it's been my thing for so long now, having done plarties with you and Meg, and it's been so fun and it feels really good on my body, Like I just love the weight that it feels soft and it feels feminine and it's easier on my body. Like, don't get me wrong, Plartis is very humbling.
Oh it's harder than any weight session I've ever done.
It's so humbling. However, when I have my period and on my cycle, it feels a little bit gentler on my body. And that's split between doing weight training and doing pilartis. I feel so happy with my training split now. I would highly recommend taking your girlfriends and going up for like a morning session.
Definitely, and if you're a mum that's had babies. I don't love reformer polarates. I feel like it's a lot of upper body and shoulder work, which I don't love. But it's so good for your core strand it's so good for your balance, it's so good for your mind to muscle connection because of the breathing techniques that they use, and it's just so humbling. There is not one class where I can get through the whole set. Me and Tianna were stopping so much this week and I'm looking around,
I'm like, how these bitches doing it? It is so fun. We actually want to incorporate it another time. So we only do it once a week. We're trying to figure out where we drop on. You do more weight than me. I only train four times a week, you're more five to six. Yeah, we're trying to figure out how we can put it into our schedule twice a week. We love it.
Yeah, So today's episode is a little bit on the heavier side sometimes. So today's episode is all about friendship breakdowns and why they're so heartbreaking.
They really are.
It's almost as if you're grieving someone who's not dead. Because you're you're grieving the relationship, the time you spend, the memories, all of it, and it can be a really challenging thing. And just speaking from personal experience, I was best friends with this one girl. We were very very close, and we had a really beautiful relationship. I remember her helping me heal so many wounds with the
feminine and I'm so grateful for it. And I remember as our friendship evolved, friendships with other women evolved as well, and we had another girlfriend come in and it was almost like a trio, so there was three of us we trypod, Yeah, and it was amazing and I loved it. At first, it became so triggering for me, Like, if I'm honest, I had so much stuff come up for me in that I had jealousy come up. I had
fear of abandonment come up, rejection, wounds come up. It eventually became a dynamic where I felt and this doesn't necessarily have to be true, this is how it felt for me at the time, where I felt like I was being pushed.
Out kind of were though on a reflection.
Back, Yeah, there were a couple of things where you know, they could do things together that I couldn't be a part of Naturally, they ended up going in business together as well, so then it was more like me on the outside kind of thing. And in my head, I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna lose my best friend, Like she's taking my best friend.
Like Tatiana was like freaking the buck out. She was like, that's my best friend. How fucking do you territorial?
Yes, my territorial fool came out. And I remember getting to a point where, taking full responsibility, I.
Got super anxious. I got super.
Anxious in the friendship, and you know, granted I didn't behave, you know, in the best way, because I acted on that anxiousness instead of fully owning it, and eventually got to a point where they weren't able to hold me in anxiousness. They didn't have the space of time to be able to hold me in.
The tools or knowledge of how to hold someone with an anxious attachment.
Yeah, yeah, and so yeah, I ended up losing that friendship. I ended up losing not just one of them, both of them. So I lost my friendship with my best friend, and I lost my friendship with my other girlfriend as well. Just naturally, you know, went with her yes, and it was a really, really hard time. I remember I actually
didn't know what to do with myself. I actually ended up hiring like a trauma coach for I think we worked together for a few months because I was just so full of grief and I just didn't know what to do. I felt isolated. I felt like, oh, like, this is very mean girl energy. Remember thinking I've had relationship breakups that were ten times fucking easier than this, like, and I was full having to do like exercises and you know, release emotion from my body and work with
this coach. And every time I was coming in, I was bringing things in and being like this is coming up for me and projection and this and Tatiana was coming out because I was just I couldn't process that I had lost two people that I loved so dearly that I just never imagined my life without them, and that expectation of expecting that they were going to be my life forever to everything turning up on its head to never speaking to them again was fucking heartbreaking.
That's really hard, isn't it. I think a lot of people listening will be able to relate to the three even maybe multimle more and being left out. I've experienced that as well, and I've done it online, and it's been really hard having an audience through their projections and their assumptions. And you know, for years we had such a close, beautiful friendship, and I still have a lot of love for the girls, like there's no hate, and I'm not here to spill any tea or spit any
drama or anything. But yeah, it's hard when two of out of the three girls have a friendship breakdown, and then there's the other one and navigating that and that person not wanting to take sides and be friends with both. But people change and situations change and dynamic changes, and I just want this conversation to normalize it because I think for so long I took so much responsibility and same as you, you do that. Yeah, I can reflect back now and be like, ooh, I was so anxious.
I had the biggest fomo in the whole world, and if I got left out or didn't get invited somewhere that would come up. And I can imagine I can't remember, and I can imagine I wouldn't have communicated that in the nicest way. I probably was a bit passive, aggressive, or did it in a way that wouldn't have made them feel very good. So I can take full responsibility for that, and it probably contributed to the breakdown of
the friendship. And I'm so glad I've had that experience to make sure that doesn't show up in my future friendships and other relationships. But it's fucking hard.
Everyone goes through it. Like think about like the people that you were friends with five years ago, they're probably not even in your life right now.
And I think the hard thing with women connection is we connect on such a deep level. We share everything, we tell each other everything. There is such an intense amount of trust and this strong bond that you do expect it's never going to break. So when it breaks, it fucking breaks, and you feel like the rug has just been ripped out from underneath you. And yeah, it is sure grief. It's awful, even the feelings of it.
I know. Another thing we want to talk about is just allowing different seasons in friendships, which I think is kind of cool and I've got some cool examples and I'm sure you do as well. A lot of my core close girlfriends. I've got a handful of them, like I think five or six that I've known since I was a teenager. Throughout the different seasons of life, you will be closer with them and maybe going your own separate ways for a while, but I love it you
can come back together. And Nadan and Megsie are two people that I'm so close with now and have been since I was a teenager. But there was a couple of years in there when Nadan was single and she went off traveling and she was just partying and she's a party girl, loves to party, and we were just on completely different vibes, completely different wavelengths. I was not a party girl, not traveling and doing all that stuff.
We just went our separate ways for a few years and didn't really talk that much, and then we got back in contact with each other and we've been in separable ever since. Even though we don't see each other a lot because we're both working, we've both got kids. We talk all the time. It's not every day, it's every second day. There's a voice mess it's just checking in and say with Megsie, she went on a little different journey to what I did, and then when we
came back together. We've been in several ever since and have the most beautiful, heart centered relationship and it's just one of my favorite things on earth. We're literally chosen family, but we allowed each other to go off and do our own things, and then we came back together and it's so lovely. And then CHESI, I've known since I was maybe fifteen or sixteen, and we don't see each other much at all, and even don't talk a whole lot, but when we do, it's exactly like it's always been.
There is that unconditional love. We know if we were needing each other at three in the morning, we could call and they would pick up and they would be there. We never needed anything for our kids. We've just always got each other's back, and I honestly don't think they will ever change. I do feel like it's one of those friendships it's just unbreakable, which is really cool. And then there's some that you drift apart from and that
is the end of your chapter. And I love that old saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lesson, and sometimes you are just there for a season, or you're there for a certain reason, whether it's to help them or they're there to help you through something, and then once you've kind of closed that loop, it goes on a different path. Yeah, and that's also okay as well.
I think it's a really impressive thing because you've been friends with the girls for like almost twenty years.
Yeah, a lot of them over twenty years now.
And that's something that not a lot of people can say. I know for myself, even like I've probably got two girlfriends that I've been friends with for thirteen years. You know, everyone else has like drifted or fallen off or I've personally evolved so much like I've evolved out of that friendship.
Like I've got friends that I had when I was in my party phase, and then once I stopped partying, I evolved out of those friendships, and not because I don't love them still, but because it's just it's not where I'm at in life on this journey. And then you know, when I went to the next level, then it was like I started to you know, maybe like a little bit of toxic positivity, and then I had
friends who resonated with me there. And then once I got out of that, I evolved through that and every different stage that you have in life, you are going to grow as a person, especially if you value growth like hard. It's like, I know you do yes and myself included. And when you do those things and you value that in such a way, you're going to expect to have that. Yes, you know, it's a beautiful thing that we get to say that we have women in our lives that we've had for such a long time.
And also it's a given on the journey.
If you're changing and growing and constantly evolving, there are going to be people who trickle off at every level.
One hundred percent. We had a conversation the other day. I think it was a conversation around friendships and oh, I wish I was there to hold you in that and to support you in that. And then I was like, oh, I don't think we would have messed back there. We were just different people, you.
Know what we said, We were like we would have so both been passive aggressive to each other.
Yeah, one hundred percent. We can really relate and I think that's why we love that about each other now because we have that relatability. But it goes back to trust. If you're in a season right now, where you're going through a friendship breakdown or something's happening, it's actually just trusting that it was all going to work out for the best. And I'm glad we didn't meet earlier because we met exactly when we were meant to me. Yeah, we did. The universe was guiding us, you know, And
that is good evidence. And I hope even listening it gives you evidence and trusts that it's going to work out and you will meet your people. And if people are falling off, it's happening for a reason because you're not as aligned. And I know everyone's waiting to hear about my latest friendship breakdown with my old podcast host. If you were here hoping i'll say a bad word about here, you're in the wrong place. It's not how
I want to show up. It's not what I ever want to do, and it's not what I will do. I have so much love for her and so much gratitude for her and our journey and what we went through. But upon reflection, now that we're not doing the podcast together and our friendship has broken down, I can see that we were not aligned in our growth in where I wanted the podcast to go. To where she was going in her journey in her life to what we
value in life was just very, very different. And it's not that one is wrong or good or bad, and neither should be shamed. But it wasn't aligned. You know. For example, wanting to do events, that was something I always really wanted to do. I wanted to expand this podcast, do little events, do big events, And for her that felt like a lot, felt like more pressure, it felt like more energy, more time away from her family. It wasn't aligned for her. So then I kind of pulled
back and held back from doing that. And now that we're doing this together and I get to spread my wings and you're just as hungry for that. The alignments there were both after the same thing, and that's really cool. So I love the last two years I've had with her podcasting, and it was beautiful and I will be
forever grateful for that. But that chapter did close, and instead of dwelling on that, and yes, I've grieved that, and I've cried so many fucking tears because I loved her so much and that was really hard to go through publicly as well, I'm also get to be excited about the next chapter and how different that can look.
And I hope anyone listening that's going through that it's okay for chapters to close and for you to open up a new one that's more aligned, and you can meet yourself where you're at right now, not who you were a year ago or two years ago, and also find the people that can meet you where you are right now. And if they can't hold all of you, whether it is your anxious attachment, or is your jealousy, or is your territorial or your brightness or whatever it is,
some people can't hold that. It's not because they don't love you. They just might not have the skills or the knowledge to do it. Looking back my tribod friendship, I was definitely very anxious and they couldn't hold that, and I should never expect them to either. But say, now, with you, we've both had moments. We understand attachment styles very well. We both had moments where we'll call each other and be like, oh, my anxious is just coming out. Can I just check to something come up with you?
Just then I'm like, oh my gosh, no, girlfriend, all good, Okay, it's just in my head. I did that yesterday. Yeah, and I did it last week. But it's because we understand that we now have the tools and the knowledge to be able to hold someone with anxious attachment. I have another girlfriend really close to me who's quite avoidant. Five years ago, I would have taken that so fucking
personally that she's avoiding me. Now, when she goes into avoidant, I know she needs her time and space, decompress, and she will come back to me when she's ready to talk. Yeah, and I don't pressure that anymore, Whereas five years ago, I would have come in like an anxious little puppy dog. Let's talk about it, let's sort it out. Are you okay? What have I done? And it would have pushed her
away more so. Understanding the attachment styles will really help your friendships and help yourself self soothe through those moments.
There's actually a book that I would recommend.
It's called Attached. Oh you've told me to read this, I need to. I'll have this and pussy. It's a really good book, Attached.
It will just help you understand yourself, past experiences, how to navigate attachment styles moving forward. It will just be a really beautiful tool that you can use in your everyday life. Also pussy really good recommendation for a book. Totally off topic, but if you feel disconnected from yourself, your pleasure, your body, your pussy, and even the word pussy makes you squirm a little bit when you hear me say it. Really recommend it's about a reclamation of
connecting with yourself again. Very powerful, but something that I just wanted to add to what you were saying Ashley around friendship and I just wanted to say two things can coexist at once. You can be sad that a chapter has ended and also be grateful for what has been.
And I think and I think it's really beautiful, you know, because it's what you've been holding a lot lately, and not a lot of people get to see this side of you, and you know, you do such a beautiful job of making sure that you're always taking into consideration everybody else's feelings and making sure that you're not in
any way putting anybody else in harm's way. You can experience the pain of what you're feeling in this friendship breakdown and also be grateful for the time that you spend together and simultaneously be grateful and excited for what's coming next. And I just really wanted to voice that because I think.
A lot of people are thinking that I've just moved on to another friendship and an a podcast host. Yeah, so easily. Yeah, And I would have said that it has not been easy. It has been far from that.
Yeah.
It's been tears and grieving and trying to figure out a way to make it work and to keep everyone happy and to move on and excited whilst still crying, and you know, being really upset with how it all went down, and also choosing to stay silent, you know, because like you said, I don't want to bring this online. This is something that I wanted to just communicate and deal with behind closed doors. But it is really hard to have a spotlight on you, that's for sure. Yeah.
And as well, it's like you've chosen to focus more on what is coming than what is lost because of the way that things kind of unfolded. What has been the previous podcast, the previous podcast host, your previous friendship doesn't take away no from our friendship. Yeah, And that friendship and dynamic and co hosting and all the things
doesn't take away from what's here. And I just really wanted to say that because there's been a couple of little comments here, and there are people questioning things, and I just want to say, like, I'm not here to take someone's place. I'm not here to replace anybody, Ashy, and I on here to replace anybody. We are creating something of our own. Yeah, And they had created something
of their own. You guys created something of your own as well, And I just want to celebrate that for what has been in yeah, and celebrate what is coming as well, because it's just as important each other, just as important as each other and our journey and it's grief. It's beautiful, it's amazing everything gets to exist at once.
And yeah, it's holding all of the emotions of a friendship breakdown, a new friendship, evolving, creating something for the future that's coming as well, and holding all of it simultaneously. The duality of emotion is fucking hard and.
Heavy, very hard and heavy.
You might be so happy over here in this one relationship would be devastated that something over here happened, and you have to learn how to navigate all of it.
Yeah, it's been a lot to hold. I don't feel like I realize it until I talk about it, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I've been talking about it with my coach and with other friends and steve to try and work through it. But sometimes you have to park it to the side because you have to get on with being a mum and showing up. And it also like you don't want to sit in it. It feels really uncomfortable. You want to allow it to all come up. But I just was so worried from past experience. Is
the grief of a friendship loss A really drowned in it? Yeah, and it really took away my joy for so long because I was just so desperately wanting it to be what it once was, you know. So it's yeah, it's hard to close chapters. It really is. Yeah, it is.
It's that grieving somebody who's not dead. Yeah, you know, it really does feel like that. Whether it's a friendship or a relationship.
Whether there's hurt or no hurt, like whatever the situation, it's all valid and all really hard. Yeah. Yeah, So we want to talk about this because our audience is all females, and majority of you would have gone through some kind of relationship breakdown, whether it's with your friends or family or an intimate partner, and we can all head in our heart say it is one of the most difficult things you'll go through in life.
I think I mentioned a little bit earlier where there was some kind of like mean girl energy that I kind of experienced. And there was actually a different experience that I had recently where I experienced like this mean girl energy in this new environment that I'd never been in before, around people who were all like labeled conscious and it was just a really interesting experience. So I went to this event and I was a guest speaker
at the event. I was asked by the owner of the event to be a public speaker and to contribute to her business summit event. And there were a multitude of other different speakers there, predominantly male. I think there
was only a couple of other women. I'd never really met this woman either, so I hadn't met her, only spoken through social media, and you know, it was all good and well leading up to the event, But what I noticed once I actually got there, I felt a little bit excluded, like a bit of an outcast.
Yeah.
I felt there was this other woman who was an events manager there her and the owner of the actual event. It was almost like these little passive, aggressive, kind of little digs at being a princess and doing all these things. And in my head, I was like, oh, well, I'm wearing a very feminine dress and I've got my hair curled. I'm not in a suit like what women normally would when I go to a business summit. And I was like, no, I feel like I'm in my feminine error.
I want to feel feminine, you know.
When I'm upstage speaking about my story, and yeah, I just felt like they were all these little digs and things like that. And I noticed once I actually got off stage, the owner of the event was so short with me, so short, so blunt didn't have a bar of it. I was so genuinely trying to make conversation with her, and she just wouldn't have a bar of it. And I just had the worst taste in my mouth. And I remember thinking this was before I'd even gotten
on stage. I was like, oh, I feel really uncomfortable here. I can feel projections, I can feel that they're having a process in their head while they're talking to me and looking at me like you know that day and so people get yes, and I just remember thinking, Wow, what a way to make somebody feel so uncomfortable before they go on stage.
You're already so nervous.
I'm really grateful that I could hold it. Like I was like, all right, I'm going to compartmentalize and want to park that for a second. I need to focus on what I'm going to share, what I can provide, the value that I can offer for the audience who have come here and paid to listen to this. And yeah, it was a really disappointing experience and I was just like,
oh my god, I just don't fit in here. And I'm really grateful for that, Like I'm grateful for my awareness of that and also being able to see these things and other people. But I just remember thinking, like, this is a conscious community. People who claim that their XYZ, and I just didn't get any of that. And yeah, it was a really unfortunate experience because it really left
a bad taste in my mouth. And it also makes me compassionate to people who do judge the coaching industry, Like I'm a part of the coaching industry, and sometimes I'm like I don't want to be, you know, because I see the judgment and I understand why because people can kind of like, you know, be on their high horse and kind of you know, claim that there's something but behind closed doors be doing something different. And that
was what I felt. It was like these women were claiming that they were big coaches in the industry and projecting onto me, you know, at an event, and all the insecurities and stuff came up.
And don't get me wrong, everyone.
Is human, I get that for sure. It wasn't what I expected for women who were selling high ticket stuff like what their self.
Teach women how not to do this stuff.
Yeah, you know, it was very Yeah, it was a disappointing experience for sure.
I think we can all relate to being in an environment where we've felt that mean girl energy. There hasn't been many, but I remember years and years ago I went to a big event. I won't say the brand, and I'm going by myself, which is really no racking, but they were all a lot bigger than what I was in the influencing world, and I just remember trying to sparkle conversation with all of them and it's like
they were just too cool. They just didn't want a bar of me, and it was really hard to make conversation. There was another girl there as well. We ended up clicking and she felt exactly the same. They were very clique and it's just the same thing and put such a bad taste in my mouth, and I just thought, oh, and it's a compliment I get quite often as Oh, you're so kind and you applied to all your dms and you're just as you are online, and it's like,
why would I not be? Yeah, why does having a following or being Instagram famous, like YouTube famous or TikTok famous make you any better than any any when else it doesn't. We should be treating every single person with kindness and respect, regardless of who you are or how far you've come or how much money you've made. You can still be nice. Yeah, you can still have a conversation.
Comes down to personal values. Yeah, those things people say often, those things only exacerbate traits.
Of you that are already there.
True, you know, so it's like maybe, you know, you just come to learn who people really are when they do experience these things. Now, it's like they see those traits of themselves are exacerbated. They come out stronger. You know, what was already under the surface is kind of there to see now that they have a platform, so like, it's not good or bad, wrong, whatever, it just is.
This is an observation. I think most of us have experienced that. But it's also why I think I got into being a personal trainer for women, as I never wanted anyone to feel alone because I felt like that growing up, where it's being left out or different groups or clickiness. And it's also why we want to do these smaller intimate events. Anyone that's had push trauma with friendships or sisterhood wounds, give you ever evidence that it
doesn't have to be like that. And women can meet you where you're at, and they can hold all of you and they can love all of you. And that's a big goal of ours this year is to actually bring that together. And everyone who's listening to this podcast, we trust and believe that you're on the same vibration as us and you're wanting the same things as us.
That's so freaking cool to be in a room full of women who all matching that you can only thrive and grow and sparkle ten times brighter when you're in that room.
Yeah, and as well, like I just wanted to speak too quickly, the women who maybe you feel like you really want to fit in and you end up making friends with a mean girl kind of group, and then you maybe even think that you need to become the mean girl because you think that that's what you need
to do in order to fit in. I just want you to know, like you never need to abandon yourself to fit in a place that you don't fit, you know, because I know that there can be a lot of pressure when it comes to fitting in that you know, maybe there's a cool girl group or women who behave a certain way and you're like, oh, do I need to be like them in order to be accepted? But the truth of the matter is if you feel that way, they're not your people.
Yes, so true, you know. So it's like, just know.
The people you spend time with will influence you, whether it's towards the person you want to be or away from the person you want to be. So just remember that because there will always be environments like what we're trying to create, places where you can come where you can be all of who you are. Be the softer version of you, yes, be the more brady version of you.
Whatever it is that you are, and whatever your flavor is, you get to be accepted within this place without molding into something that you're not.
I love that because that's what this is about.
It's really about finding your people and being willing to take off the masks. Yes, but I think that's a lot of what we want to include into these events is actually giving you permission to be the vibe that you want to attract in, you know, being that first and foremost before you attract the people that you want, instead of the opposite way around. Because we tend to do that, we're like, how do I find the people and then I'll become the person I want to be?
But it's that the opposite way around.
It's such a good way to put it. It's the opposite way around. We do it backwards.
We have to look within ourselves and go, what is it that I am being right now that I'm attracting the people I'm attracting. How can I become the version I want to be person I'm proud of, and then that would be the energetic match for the people I want and desire to call in, Like who would I have to be for that type of person to want to be friends? With me. Yes, And it's true, not about changing who you are at your core. It's not
about that. It's just about being the best version of you that you can be with the freedom to be all of who you are and know that when you are that they can find you. And it happens every time, you know, when.
People say, oh, I wish the world was a kind of place, I wish the world would change, I always put it back on them or back on myself be like, Okay, well, if I want the world to be kinder, I need to be kinder. If I want to see change the world, I need to be the change. If you wanted to attract people that are more conscious, more health focused us into their fitness, love self like you do, that's what you've got to become. That's what you've got to be.
And I feel like it naturally comes in when you become all of that. And I feel like we're a perfect example of that. Even all the stuff that we value in friendships and our wounds, Yeah, we kind have attracted like a mirror, but it's helped us overcome them and heal them because we have such compassion for where like the other person is at. Yeah, it's cool when you can bring people in like that. Yeah it is.
It's like a deeper understanding as well as yeah, yeah, it's beautiful and as well, even though we are able to relate to you know, what we've both been through because we've been through similar things in our own way, of course, but lots of people react differently to a lot of situations and scenarios, you know, like us both we realize we resonate with each other on certain things
because we respond in the same way. We've had similar wounds, so we can have compassion for that, whereas like you might meet people in your life who respond differently than the way that you do, especially in friendships. We both have a value of loyalty, whereas like somebody else might have a different expectation on loyalty and go, oh wow, you know, me doing this isn't even going to be a problem for that person when the other person is like,
oh my god, why did you do that? I think that shows up as well.
You know.
Let's say, for example, like in the past, I've had, you know, a girlfriend of mine who was really close and I ended up having a falling out with another friend who we were both friends with and she was still like wanting to be her friend, and like, of course everyone can. She has, you know, freedom of choice, She can absolutely do that. But me at the time, being so young and being super territorial, I was like, how fucking do you you want to be on my side?
You want to do this like halfuck a day? You what do you mean?
Like You're not just going to automatically cut her off? Like all of those feelings naturally came up because I had that expectation and that deep thing of loyalty, whereas for her it looked a little differently. And so I think that's a huge thing about friendships is just learning to understand each other, be willing to take time to get to know that person. And also a huge thing is open communication, able to have hard conversations around this stuff. Hey,
what's your expectation of loyalty? How would you want me to behave in that in that experience?
How would you feel if that happened? Ye? But a good example of that, I won't say her name, but an old friend of mine pole opposites. We are to the point that we have almost just depart a little bit at the moment. But I say, for example, if I didn't get invited to a birthday or to my friend's kids' birthday, I take that very personally. It is such an honor to me if I get invited to something so special like that. I did not take that lightly.
That is just feels really good for me to be invited and included where she could not give two fucks. I remember saying to her, you know, I want to invite everyone to Tyler's birthday party, but I also don't because then in my experience, and I feel like I spent my whole time looking after everyone and not spending time with my daughter. And she's like, OHNA give a fuck, you don't invite me. I don't care if no one ever hearts me ever again. In fact, I get to
stay home and be my introverted self. Oh, she would never be offended if she wasn't invited. She could not care less. I got upset one day when someone followed me. She's like, I wouldn't even notice that someone and followed me. Just two completely different people. We have to remember we've grown up so differently. We had different wounds, we have different nervous systems, different triggers. And I used to look at her and be like, how would that not upset you?
And she's like, I didn't get invited to you know, someone says birthday, I don't care. I would to stay home with my husband. She couldn't care less, and I just could not understand and relate and she couldn't understand why it would be upset. It's just a cool example of everyone is so different. But I had to have that conversation with her and say, well, look, if you're having a birthday event, these always invite me because I'd
be really sad if I see everyone else celebrating. And she's like, oh, you always will because I know that you'd have a look. Yeah, oh love on me, love on me. Yeah.
Young people in the way they need to be loved.
Exactly, exactly and respecting, understanding, have compassion where everyone's at. And I feel like when you're close with your girlfriends too, you do get to know where their nervous systems are at, where they're at in their journey. And it's not that you were ahead of them or anything, but I feel like when you do self development, and you do so much work on yourself, you can recognize where people are at,
what stage throughout what's coming up for them. We have a close girlfriend too that we support through things that come up for her because we've been there, we've done that, and we can hold all of her. And she gets quite anxious and feels bad when she says things to us. Yes, we get it, bring it in, bring it in. We love you anyway. We love you more when you bring it to us and you trust us and you feel safe with us that we can hold you in all of that so beautiful. But not everyone will be able
to do that, and that's also okay. That's where they're at, and that's where they're at with their understanding of it.
All and what you just said as well, not everyone's going to be able to hold you. But even though the emotions are valid and you get to be sad of those things, it's not taking it personally.
Which is so hard.
It's challenging, right, it's simple, but it's not easy, yes, because it's understanding that where that person is at has everything to do with what's going on in their head and not the person in front of them. And when you can see everything from that lens, you go, wow, this actually isn't about me. This isn't the tea on a show right now?
The world doesn't rend me, And it's this.
Person is having like a real experience that is triggering something in them.
It's so real for.
Them, and it's just yeah, it's being able to hold space. And again, even if they can't hold you, it has nothing to do with you. It doesn't mean that you're too much. It doesn't mean that you're not good enough or not worthy of someone holding you. It just means that that person is showing you where they are at.
You never do too much for the right people. I think you said that to me. It made me feel so loved and supported and held, and I just think it's really true. With most of you listening, I think like ninety nine percent of you are females. It's an important one to talk about. So thank you so much for listening. We really appreciate it. A bye