Appoge production. Self validation a very very important topic to talk about. What is that to you, Kiara?
It is validating everything I feel and treating myself as I would others.
It's just so important to validate yourself and it's so beautiful when the people around you can validate you. But it has to come from within, otherwise you just carry around like a big bag of guilt and shame. And that it is the lowest vibrational frequency that you can be on. And I've felt that it's awful.
Yeah, And even like when you were talking to me yesterday and you're like, I've just cried so much this week, and I was.
Like, how good.
But like you're moving, You're moving all that emotion. Because if you don't let it out and you don't feel the things you want to feel, it's got to come back to bite your us, whether you end up getting sick or you have a day where you fucking have a panic attack. Like you're better off as you're feeling these things to just sit in it, feel it important,
give yourself grace, release it, give yourself time. That's why I always say the support you have around you're so important because they remind you just validate yourself and it's so healing when you have people around you.
To validate it. Yeah, but we have to get better at doing it for ourselves and that is something I'm working on now, Like, I've got to work on that more. And I think so many people listening will relate to that. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm probably one of the harshest people that I am to anyone is like on myself, Yes, because you think, like I can handle this, I should be able to handle that, you know, I'm like even at work, you're the boss. With your family, I'm the mom, I'm the this. Like you feel like you always need to kind of have your shit together, Yes, but no one has their shit together all the time.
All the time. So true.
We all just need to not be so hard on ourselves and just hold more space for whatever it is that we are feeling and whatever season we are in and not hold shame and guilt around it.
Yes, it's okay.
And if we are in a season where we are feeling lower or we are feeling shit, like reminding ourselves it's not going to last forever. Yes, not going to be here, you know, we might still be here in a few months. Time, but hopefully we can move through it.
And I think it's really important for us as parents as well to practice this because the more that we can do this on ourselves, our kids then witness and watch that. Yeah, Like I don't want my kids to ever feel guilty or shameful or frustrated at themselves that they're still upset about something. Yeah, Like you don't have to get over something in a certain period of time, Like healing is not linear, Like you don't know how long it's going to take for you to feel better
about something. And I would say that to my children, like you can be upset for as long as you want, unless it's about spilt milk or something. Joking, but you know what I mean. Like, the more we can do that for ourselves, it shows those other people around us that they are okay to do that as well, and they've got that support. Yeah.
Yeah, and sometimes too, like just validating that if we are feeling really shit and we can't move through it on our own, you can just reach out for some support and some help to help guide you to get through. And if you are wanting to get obviously things are last like months and months. Maybe that's where it's like going, Okay, maybe I need help with this, Maybe I need some sort of guidance, Maybe I need to take more time to really unpack what the fuck is going on and
why am I feeling like this? And sometimes it's hard to actually figure out what is coming up, so you just feel shit. You're like, what the fuck?
And that's frustrating in itself, so frustrating, and that's where the girl can come. It's like I've even had thought process and I've caught it, but I'm like, well, you shouldn't be frustrated this, you shouldn't be stressed about this, Like how lucky you get to do this? And I start like being a bully. Yeah, I'm like, no, that's not what we do anymore.
Yeah, it's nice to be positive, and it's nice to look on the bright side.
It's toxic positive. That's it.
That's what I was about to say. But also we need to have whole compassion for yourself.
Grateful and how are you twenty four seven? Like all emotions are just that they're not who you are, but there's something that you feel and that comes and goes, just like happy and joyful and excited, angry, frustrated and sad are also emotions that you're gonna feel.
So something as well. That's like popped up for me the last couple of weeks where I've caught myself of being like too harsh on myself is going to dancing because I've darted going back and I fucking loved it, and I'm like, this is filling my carp this is making me so happy, and I'm like doing it for me and as well, like you show up online you're like, yes, like I'm doing this, I'm going to dance class. And then I've just been fucking exhausted. I've been so tired
and I've had to ask myself. I'm like, no, you should go, you should go, And it's like should I go because I think it's going to make me feel good? Or am I trying to make myself go because I feel like now I need to because I've like committed to like even though it doesn't feel right right now. Yeah, And it was kind of like going, I'm getting frustrated at myself if I don't show up because I told myself I was going to do this. It was like I'd made a commitment. But it's like yes, but back
then your kids were sleeping. This was happening. Right now, you don't have the capacity to stay up till ten o'clock at nine, when you might only get a few hours sleep.
It's so wide after dance, not just the physical dance class, it's exhausting. It's like coming home you're like excited and on a high, and then looking back at your routine and your brain's on fire. All the lights, the music. It's so stimulating.
I know. But I had a moment to where I had this little chat back and my head and it's like, why do you feel like it's so important to go? How do you feel like fucking exhausted?
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure. I also went to the gym like that day too, and I was like, just listen to what you feel right now. I know that you want to go and you want to be committed, but it's like you can just go next week.
You're not training to be a professional dancing's okay, skip it.
But it's like you get frustrated letting yourself down almost. It's like you want to commit to something, but then that's just the way life goes.
It's that high expectation that we have on ourselves. Yeah, I think being online, which not everyone can relate to, but I feel like there's that extra added pressure, yeah, that people expect of you to show up a certain way or you get scared of the backlash of talking about being sad about something or frustrated something or something not feeling good, And there's a lot of projections that come your way that then you have to That's still
energy that you're consuming and taking on being online. It's an energy exchange when you're communicating with a bunch of strangers, whether that's hundreds thousands or tens of thousands, it's a lot to take on. So there's all that to navigate as well, Because you could be validating yourself and then you know, fifty people swipe up and say something awful.
It's like, oh gosh, you raise your expectation, probably subconsciously because like all they're telling me, I should be doing this.
Especially if you're already feeling in a low vibe move when you're so sure of yourself, like it doesn't really shake you, but you're going through a hard time, you've got a bit of self doubt, and you're navigating some new things, Like I am now, I'm definitely a bit more sensitive. Yeah, I'm not as sure of myself right now. I'm feeling a little bit lost, a little bit stark. I'm trying to navigate a new way of being, a
new way of doing. It's like undoing having my foot in the pedal and running and showing up a certain way that doesn't feel good anymore. Now I'm getting to know myself in this new normal. It's like anything if you listen to the news and the media and you're always scrolling on TikTok and really like it's information that your brain is consuming. When you stop and slow and you can be with your thoughts, And that's what I did in hospital. When I was in there, I just
wanted to be with my thoughts. What's coming up for me? How am I feeling about all of this? What are my options?
Was?
When you're distracting and numbing out and listen and reading everything else, you can get so noisy and then you question things m.
And you feel so out of tune with who you are.
Is ungrounding a word, it's so ungrounding to be on social d What do you call that?
If you're not grounded, you're lifted.
Yeah, like this regulated and disregulated. Yeah maybe. But when you just sit with yourself and you stop and you are slow, and you're tuned into yourself rather than tuned into your phone and other people, you can really get clarity on what's feeling good for you. So true, and take the time to validate yourself. You need time and space to do that. Yeah, you're busy distracting. You can't meet yourself where you need to be met.
That's so true. Like if things are coming up and you're being emotional and you know you're not feeling like you like, that's another one thing to do.
Stop, stop slow, Yeah, fill your cut back up and just be with yourself and validate it and acknowledge it, have awareness around it all. And then you've got clarage to be like, Okay, what's my next move. If you don't do that, you're just going to be fucking floating around like a chicken with my head. Bad analogy, but you know what I mean? What is it running around like a headless chort kit? That's what I meant.
I saw this post on Instagram and I wanted to read it out. So it's from the page The Brain Coach so it says self validation. Sounds like I was right to stand up for myself. I did the best I could with what I knew at that time. I am proud of me for challenging my fears slashed outs. Today has been a difficult day for me. I can do hard things. It's okay to say no to something I really didn't want to do. I feel overworked and need to prioritize rest. I tried my best and that
is enough. I'm feeling upset right now. I feel misunderstood. That was a difficult conversation, but it was needed. Not everyone will like me, and that's okay. Today was tough. What do I need to do to feel better? And that last one today was tough? What do I need to do to feel better? I feel like that's where it all kind of starts, Like when you start to feel like there's days that are rolling on and it's like not feeling aligned to not feeling aligned, not feel aligned? It okay?
That I feel misunderstood is really validating in a conversation, because if you need to have a hard conversation or this conflict or disagreements whatever, how many times in your life have you been like I'm fine, that's all good. Yep, no worries.
Oh yeah, no worries.
Yep, no worries. Like just go with what they say because you don't want to ruffle the feathers and upset anyone. But to actually look some of the eye and say, I, actually I feel really misunderstood by you. That's so validating. You're validating that I do not feel good in this moment, and let's chat about it.
Yeah.
Such a good example, isn't it. Yeah, even just today has been a difficult day for me. That's so validating. Just for yourself. Yep, today sucked. It was hard. I did not do my best today. But tomorrow's new day. You know, you don't have to sit there, but just to acknowledge it, Yeah, it was a hard day.
Another thing, too, is like acknowledging our accomplishments. I feel like I'm getting better at this as I get older.
Celebrating the winds.
Celebrating the winds like acknowledging yourself, just taking moment to validate and be like, yeah, I just did something hard and I'm proud of me.
So so good. How much to we celebrate our best friends and our kids and our partners for everything. It's like, oh, I know, but to ourselves we kind of like just.
The difference too, is like I feel like for my friends and my kids, I feel it, I feel it in my heart. I feel so proud, I feel so happy for them.
I feel so busy.
I feel so that we need to just sometimes just take a moment for ourselves and feel like, feel it, like I'm proud of you, I love you. You've done an amazing job. Stay it's been hard, Like, yeah, feel those same feelings you feel for everyone else.
Yes, myself. I've read something the other day and it was like, we get scared to share that we're great because we're scared that we will get hate. Yeah, And I find that online, like I find it really inspiring when you know influencers or just public profiles, just anyone. It's like celebrating that's got a job promotion, they've bought this fancy in new car, or they're safe for this handbag. I'm like, fuck yeah, but yes, I would never if I was to buy a new handbag or get a
new car. No, Like I think I would feel like I'm bragging or triggering other people, Like that's what would go through my syndrome. Yeah, and get slammed, Like I would get scared to share that I've done great and earned this and worked hard of that, because I know that I would get a lot of hate and backlash when I see other people doing I'm like, fuck, Yeah, it's interesting, Hey how we celebrate other people but not ourselves. And I'm super aware of it now, but yeah, it's just interesting.
It is interesting society. It's just the way our brains have been molded to conditions. But it's like just that old question why, Like why shouldn't I be celebrating myself?
And the more that we are sure of who we are and our attentions and all of that, Like when you were so sure of yourself that stuff, like you wouldn't care what people say. Yeah, you know, But when you are feeling a bit fragile and you're not super confident and you're listening to the outside noise, you get scared.
Yeah,