Apoge production.
So today we'll be talking mainly about just our own experiences, me with having a miscarriage and with us both like just trying to conceive. I feel like this is such a heavy topic and everyone has got their own situation.
I almost sometimes feel a little bit nervous talking about this topic because I know, even though I've gone through hard times and you have gone through hard times, your heart always feels so heavy for the people that you know and the stories that you hear of what other people are going through and what they deal with, you know, month to month.
It's just crazy how common it is, how many women can't feel pregnant, struggle to for pregnant, lose babies, like you just think it's something that will come so naturally and it should come naturally. It's like breastfeeding too, you know, it's something that you just expect is going to be easy and just work, and it just doesn't know. But it's such a gut wrenching, wrenching like journey for so
many females to go through. And how we thought would share your story today, and we know so many women out there go through this and if you do need support, there's so many awesome forums out there too, but definitely to make sure you've got the support around you when you are going through tough times like this.
Definitely, and when I was personally going through it, this was the stuff that really helped me listening to other women sharing their stories and hearing other people being open about.
It, because it made me not feel alone.
We do not feel alone, but still to this day, I do find it a struggle to talk about. I think it's one of those things that I've kind of like pushed down. Yeah, I guess get into how we end up having our miscarriage and kind of the story of what happened. We had had Miller. We were absolutely so stoked to have her, like just young parents, like so excited and have your that new little family, and we always knew we wanted to have multiple kids if
we could. Yeah, we actually didn't know how our trying to conceive journey would go because Kurt's mum and dad struggled. Kurt was actually IVF and his brother was like a miracle came afterwards, but we never really knew how we were going to go because it was hereditary. So we always kind of went in with being like, oh we don't really know how everything is going to go. And with Miller, we didn't try, but didn't not try, and eight months later we were pregnant and we were like, oh.
My gosh for having a baby.
But yeah, after having her, we tried pretty early on. I feel like she was maybe like just around one and it was our very first go and I fell pregnant and I remember being like, oh my.
Gosh, like that's crazy.
I was so excited. We did not wait, like as soon as I had a positive pregnancy test, we like told both of our families and just so excited to bring a new little bubby into the world. And at this time, Kurt was boxing, so I was at home with Miller doing bits and pieces, and it was also plumbing, so life was really really busy. But I remember one day I was at home on my own with Miller and Kurt was at work, and I was like, went to the bathroom and I started to bleed. For me
in pregnancy. This has been a reoccurrence throughout Miller's pregnancy. I bled the entire time. So to some people, they might listen to that and be like but I was like, oh, sweet, like it's all good. I've bled throughout my whole last pregnancy, and Miller is here, she is safe, Everything is fine. So I called Kurt. I feel like every time you do see it though, you still do have that moment of like oh shit, you know, like what's gonna happen?
So I rained Kurt.
He came home, went to the doctors and they can't. This is a hard thing when it's early pregnancy. This is probably around about six weeks I want to say, maybe seven six weeks. They took my bloods and blood results came back a couple days later and they were like, it's fine, like everything's all good. It looks like it's totally fine, and they said they'll keep taking the bloods actually to watch to see if they go lower or higher.
Went back a couple days later and they had risen, but they hadn't doubled.
They meant to double.
They're meant to double every I think forty eight hours. It might be yeah, every couple of days, we'd have to go back in. They were rising, but they weren't rising enough. This is the hard thing about early pregnancy. It was so early on that they couldn't really like tell what was going on. They could see that there was the yo because that would it is the yoke, and then there was like the sack of the Yeah, so the yoke part wasn't there yet, but it wasn't
supposed to be formed yet. That's how early on it was. What ended up happening was like I had a big bleed again, and I was like, oh my god. And then there was a thought of like maybe you're losing a twin. Maybe this is happening, because there's so many different things that it can be. Kurt was out at a boxing thing one night and the bleeding just came on like hectic, and I was like, Fuck, that's not good. It's not just a little bit of blood.
There is a lot.
He came home and then it's just so hard to because when you're that early on, there's nothing they can do. They go, let's just wait and see what happens kind of thing. So when in the next day tried to do a scan again, they could see it like my uterus growing, but they couldn't actually see anything, and they were like it could turn into something, it might not. I just remember feeling like what the hell is going on? Like I just want to be excited or I just
want this to end because I just felt so. So anyways, we went to one specific hospital. They basically kept taking bloods and they kept doing the same thing. I got to nine weeks pregnant, I was still having HGG and it wasn't going down. It was still rising.
Which is a good sign, which is a good.
Sign normally, but then it was nothing on ultrasound. So my obstetricians was like, something is not right, and I was like, I know. I was like, I knew something wasn't right. She's like, there is no that I can see from your old town. There's no viable pregnancy there. But the fact that your hCG is still rising you're not actually losing the baby, so something is going on. She's like, I'm going to put you in for emergency surgery.
So I think it's like the next morning she took me in, opened me up, and there was a mass in my left tube, so the baby had actually implanted inside my tube.
So because that other.
Place that I went to just waited so long, you can get a shit and it just like helps you to miscarry and it's all fine. But because they waited so long, they had no choice. Actually had to remove my left tube. So it's called an ectopic pregnancy, but basically, yeah, it just gets stuck in the process of going through
your falopian tube into your uterus. It's uncommon, but it is also something that you do hear of, Like the more you open up about it and you talk to other people about it, people like, oh, I know this person who had it can be life threatening because you start to bleed internally. It was pretty gnali and I think just the fact of them having to take my tube out too, and knowing that my fertility wasn't going to be as great was something that was really hard.
And then also like you just go in and you don't know what your outcome is going to be or what is going on. They took the tube out, then they said that I had to wait a certain amount of time before trying again. And when we started to try again, that six months from having that miscarriage to actually falling pregnant was so fun tough and I cannot
even imagine. I cannot even start to try to imagine what other women go through when they are yearning for a baby, Like it literally makes me like breaks my heart because I remember every single month when my period was due and it would come. All I wanted was that baby that I lost. I remember just being like I just want like and I was honestly probably as well a little bit trying to fill the void because
like I just want another one here. So I've like got like that outcome that I was wanting, that exciting outcome. But so many people that I know go through multiple miscarriages, and we've had a couple other ones that we've had before I've tested early and then my period has come. You just hear of women's stories and what they go through, and my heart just like fully goes.
Out to them. I can't even imagine.
Nun there's words, nuh, But yeah, I just remember that time, Like that was the longest six months.
I remember. I was just like miserable.
I nearly got like obsessed with it.
Oh yeah, you do when you're trying.
Once you decide you want to have a baby and you try, it's all you think about, consume things.
Yeah, it's so consuming.
But then after having one, like you can see why, yes, like you can. It's so like understandable for these women to be like trying everything they can because it's like the most incredible experience, and I feel so blessed to have my babies. Like, yeah, I know you do as well, but yeah, I just thought that that's like a little story that I could kind of open up and share. In that time of my life, I felt so alone and I used to just go watch and listen to
all this type of stuff. Yeah, anything for me to feel like a little bit more connected or for somebody to say how they felt and for me too.
But they get it.
Yeah, me to understand.
Because people that haven't been through it, Like I haven't been through a miscarriage, so I can't say I understand, Like I can only imagine the pain, but I can't say I understand.
Yeah, it's so hard.
I think the hardest part as well is it's because when you find out you're pregnant, you're so excited, so many emotions, You're so happy, and you'll like straight away start planning so we can do this in that room that one can have this year and this can do this, so you like have this whole life of plan of what you're wanting to do, and then it's just like get snatched away from you and it happens like so.
Quickly, really does so tough. Yeah, I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Oh thanks, just same, Oh so hard. Yeah, I've got so many girlfriends that go through similar things. It just breaks my heart. Yeah, honestly makes me also, Yeah, very very grateful to have my two babies. But yeah, we were really really lucky. With Taj we fell pregnant first, go really really lucky. But with Tyler it is so much longer. It was nearly a year. We got tested and Steve froze sperm as well in case like took
longer or nothing was technically wrong or anything. It's actually normal for it to take six to twelve months, So I thought, Okay, at twelve months, if I haven't fallen pregnant, that's when I'm going to go and see a fertility specialist and get some further testing done. But yeah, it was just consuming trying to fall pregnant. It's like once I decide, and I'd wait a long time, like there's a six and a half year age gap between my kids, it's a long time to fully be ready. And then
once I decided, it was like every month. It's so disheartening and you do start to think, like, what is wrong with my body, like, my body is supposed to do this, but it's just not that simple. It's actually so much harder to full pregnant. What you think when you actually learn about it, like the small window you have in each month to full pregnant.
But yeah, definitely consume me. I was struggling.
I remember each month, like when your period would come.
I'll just text you negative. Yeah. It was just so hard.
I cried every single time, and I'd always do the test by myself and just like sit in the toilet and just cry for hours. It's in the shower and cry for hours. It's just you disappointed, and then you go back on that cycle. And it also your sex life too, like it's very structured.
Like you're booking it in.
It's just kind of takes that fun away as well. It was weird I found out because I think it was like I can't remember what mark, maybe eleven months. I was in the shower and I was due to take a test within the next couple of days. But I put my hand on my tummy. I was like, oh, look down.
I was like, what is that hand doing there?
Wow? I was like I got out immediately into the test straight away because I was just in the shower, like washing my hair or something, and then like I looked down and my hand was just on my stomach.
Isn't that great? And I was like, oh my gosh. So I got out to test and I was pregnant.
Oh my. It's like my Injuris would like already was like holding her, not I was girl holding her. So I was just, yeah, it's the best thing ever when it does happen, and going through all that hardship like a hand on my heart. I can honestly say, like, if I was to go through that journey again, I think now, yes, it would still be hard if it took a year, but I would fully trust that that baby is not quite ready to come for me, because I'm so glad it happened when it did because I
got Tala, like she was always meant for me. So if it once to go through it again, I would like trust that process a bit more and try not to let it get me down so much and let it consume my life so much.
Yeah, and just trust.
That the universe has my back and my baby will come to me when I'm ready.
And yeah, I think as well, like with the miscarriage. Just give yourself time, be kind to yourself. You will think you are fine and you'll be like, okay, like I'm getting over it, and then you might have a day and you'll just be really down in the dumps. And I remember doing that. I was like, oh, I'm all good. And it was more so, I think because we were trying and then I get my period. It was like nearly like I was so sad we got period,
but I'd also be crying and like just wanting that baby. Yes, so I'd be like, you know, grieving that baby being lost. But it's a rollercoaster. Be kind yourself. It's such a hard time to go through it, even trying to conceive,
trying to have a baby, any of those things. And I love the way that everything's moving and there is so much more help out there, which is great, and so many more people are open about it now like back in the day, no one's spoken like people used to do this and not even tell their friends and family that they're going through it.
Everyone's journey is so different. But yeah, man, it's not an East One no Quoe quote.
Do you be
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