I appolgiate production. One finding out that I've got a brain aneurysm, two finding out then a few months later that I need to have surgery, and three how I've come to the decision to close down Baseline Active. I was really not feeling happy. I didn't want to go to work, I didn't want to handle my responsibilities. I felt stressed all the time. I felt very stretched. I felt like I just wasn't enjoying my tasks and my
roles and even being around older people. I kind of felt like I just wanted to go in and be
at home more and be with my kids more. And I was crying all the time, Like honestly, every second or third night, I would just sit on the couch and sometimes I would try and hold it back because I just got so sick of crying, and Steve would just have to take one look at me and I would start crying again, and I was like, I'm just so unhappy, and I don't know why, but I did start to really feel like majority of it came from
my work life. We'd organized a little girl's sleepover myself, Nadine, and Sarah because they were all feeling a bit like oh, let's get together. We always have fun. Tap into that playful energy, stepped over there. We had a beautiful night. The next morning, I woke up and I thought, God, my neck just feels really really tight. Anyways, went to training.
On the way back from training, I was meeting the girls at the cafe, and just as I was pulling out, probably a couple hundred meters away, I started to lose sight in my left side of my eye. It was flickering flashes of black. If I would look straight ahead, I couldn't see on my left side. And I was like driving, so I was just so scared. Luckily was really close. Pulled into the cafe and I was like, oh, my goodness, what is going on. I must be getting
a migraine. Then I was all good until the Sunday and I'm sitting at breakfast with Steve and his family, and all of a sudden, I lose sight in both my eyes. I look at my father in law because we're talking about this, and he's like, that happens to me when I get migraines. And I said, I can't see you. I'm looking at him. I'm staring straight at him, And I said, I can't see you. So he helped in the car, went to the doctor and he took me straight in and he just looked at my eyes.
He then got on the phone and must have rang a neurologist or someone who specializes in eyes, and they said, send us straight to the hospital. I've got a CT scan, I've got a ton of eye test done. Everything with my eyes came back clear. And then eight hours later the doctor comes out and said, your eye tests are all fine, but we have found a brain aneurysm. And I was like what. When I went into the doctor he said, look, you know, we've sat down and spoken
about your case and all the neurology team here. We've decided it's best for you to move forward with surgery. And I said, but it's only small. He goes, it doesn't matter, it's the placement of it. It's your age. The best thing to do is for us to get in there and to do something about it. We only can go off stats, and I could tell you that you could be fine for the next ten twenty forty years, but you could walk out of here and tomorrow it ruptures or you stroke. It is best if we do
surgery to prevent any of that happening. I just had a lot of time to think, and I was really reflecting on my life and what's important and what I'm enjoying and what I'm not and where my stress is really coming from. And when it all came down to it,
it was baseline. And that was a really hard pill for me to swallow because I think I've wrapped so much of my identity around this business and being a successful business woman and being able to juggle all the hats and do so much and hustle and be successful and grow this beast of a business that it is, and I've been so proud of that, and I have
enjoyed so much of it until I haven't. And you know, on social media, I definitely show more the highlight stuff around business because that's the fun stuff that people want to see and it's a high vibe. But most of my time is sitting behind a desk and dealing with the logistics and the cash flow and managing a team and just the stress of running a big business. And
I'm being completely honest, I fucking hate it. It wasn't until I had that time and space to reflect that I was like, ah, I can see this so clearly now, But in the same breath, it's like, well, what do you do about that? You don't give up. You've got to keep going. You've got staff that need jobs. You've paid for nine months worth of collections. That's hundreds of thousands dollars that I put deposits on for the next nine to twelve months. I can't just quit a business,
and this business is very heavily reliant on me. It's probably one of the biggest mistakes I've made throughout my career, is everything being really heavily focused on me because I'm the front end on the face of But once again, I've loved that part of it. So I don't know how I would have done it differently. Maybe I would have hired different team members to train them up to do different I don't know, But yeah, I just come to the conclusion that I don't want to do this anymore.
But the sadness and the fear didn't last too long, and that's how I knew this was the right decision for me. Overall, this experience with my health, it's really shaken me up and shaken my whole world up. I just was so burnt out and I didn't even realize it. And I think the universe has a really interesting way to give you your little gentle nudges. And I always say, the universe will like a whisper to you first and give you a little couple of symptoms to see if
you'll take action and honor that. And if you don't listen to that, it'll get a little bit louder and push you a little bit harder. And if you don't listen to that, it'll then yell and push you so hard that it'll force you to stop. And I feel like the universe has been telling me for the last couple of months that this isn't working for you anymore and you're not happy, but you keep ignoring it because I kept pushing through, like okay, I'm crying up, set, okay,
get up, try again, keep going. You've got to keep going, Like just never give up. Push push, push, You've got this. It's just a hard time. It's just everyone's finding it hard right now. It's just a phase. And then when you find out a healthcare like that, it just like I felt like the universe literally shook me and was like,
wake the fuck up. I'm going to force you to stop, and I want to remind you all that it's really important that you meet yourself where you're at right now, because I think so much of Ashy Binds I've been living in from who I was five years ago, with fitness and with business and being on social media and just being this identity. I'm always authentic and I share very honestly, but there's definitely parts of myself that I've
just made my identity. I've changed and evolved and rebirthed so many times that Ashi Winds five years ago, like, I don't even recognize her anymore. So meet yourself where you are at right now. And that's what I'm doing. I'm meeting myself where I'm at. It's a whole new chapter new Ashy that I'm still getting to know as well.
If you ask who I am underneath all those labels and achievements and titles, I probably couldn't give you a clear ancey Yet, if you ask yourself that being interesting thing to journalong like do you know who you are when you take off your mum hat, your business hat? Or your success? Is your achievements, your things that people praise you on, Like who are you? A lot of people can't answer that, but it's really important. We know that.
So meet yourself where you're at right now. Fully own your truth, like exactly who you are, like no one can argue with you or criticize or change your narrative to your truth. They can't. It's your truth. And people can make up their own assumptions as to where you're at or what you should be doing with your life, because that's their projections and their truth and what they
think is right. But you know your truth even if someone's like, I don't know what to do with this, like your heart and your head, No, you know when you create the space to reflect and journal or just like be with yourself, the answers are all within you. But most of the time we just keep parking to the side because we're so busy. We've got so much to do. I want you to all give yourself permission
to begin again. Give yourself permission to change your mind, Give yourself permission to be the beginner, Like why do we always have to know it at all? Or be afraid to start something new and be starting something fresh that's actually really exciting. Give yourself permission to do it. I think it's so scary to change your mind. Like maybe you're in a relationship or a man marriage, or a friendship, or a job or a career or a business, and it's so scary to change your mind. But give
yourself permission to do that. That's part of life, and just honor what you want to do. You're allowed to, it's your life. I think sometimes we lose our power in thinking that we can't or that we're stuck. I feel like I've healed this younger self of just needing to be seen and needing to be proven that she's worthy of having it all. I am. I don't need to prove that to anyone anymore