Apoge production, how to find your circle, how to find a good group of friends to hang around with.
A lot of people are just living life really lonely, which is really sad. Your relationships are the most important thing, they really are. Like, if you have solid, good relationships, it just life is just good. Yeah. I feel like if you don't have that love and connection in your life, whether that's with the intimate partner, with yourself, with your friends, like it's just feels empty to me. Love and connection
is my highest and highest values. So yeah, I love having really good friendships and it's something I've always valued and always had really good friends.
Definitely been seasons.
Where I've gone in out of different friendships, but I've always had like solid girlfriends in my life, and it's so good.
That's so good.
I feel like I've gone in and out. Yeah, I feel like early motherhood stages, I went through phases where I kind of lost touch with a lot of my friends because, like I was.
None of my friends had kids. Yeah, so we're kind of in different seasons.
So I've gone through phases and yeah, I definitely felt a lot more lonely in those times.
Yeah, I had kids around the same time my friends were having kids, so it just brought us closer. Definitely weeded out some other ones that we didn't have as much common ground. But I definitely have felt like way more connected and closer because we've had kids around the same time. I love that.
It's just so cool.
It's the last five years in particular, I feel like I really found my good circle of friends just so nice.
I think it's an age thing too. As you get older and you really know who you are one hundreds, you value and you start to attract that and bring that in because you're so clear and.
You know what you want, so you kind of don't feel far around with the people that.
You don't align with you.
So if someone's not aligning, you just don't really put in like that much effort. You like, I just don't know if and it's nothing against them, it's just if you're different seasons.
Hundred, and that's the most important first step to finding your circle is really getting to know who you are, because if you don't know who you are, you won't know what you're attracting, what you're wanting, and you might not ever feel like you're really connected. You might walk away just feeling like if it drained, or like you're not being your authentic self because you don't really know who you are and you're just not going to feel really good about it.
Know what your value, know what your beliefs are, know what you like to do in your spare time. Align yourself with people that do the same things, that are on the same path as you.
It's one thing to like accept people for who they are and where they're at in their journey, but you're also allowed to have different desires and friendships and relationships and standards as to how you want to be treated and what you're wanting out of that relationship. Like that is okay. You're allowed to know exactly what you want and what you desire in your relationships and you don't have to settle for anything less.
Yeah, you deserve exactly what you want to make you make you thrive.
And like you said, it's nothing against that person, but if they're not aligning with what you want, then they're not your people.
And it's okay.
True when you're around the ones that do align you both set each other on fire.
Oh yeah, both push each other.
You're both in the same direction.
It's easy it's.
Not hard, and the vibration and the frequency you're both on like, oh so good. Yeah, and you find those people. Yeah, it does. It literally lights you up. Yeah, it gives you that energy.
It does. It does.
And then when you start, if you're in your around people and you don't feel that and you feel drained, it's like, oh, maybe this isn't the season.
For us right now.
Yeah, So that's our number one tip is just really getting to know yourself and how do you do that. It's like doing the inner work. It's getting curious, it's asking more questions. It might be seeing a coach, journaling, reading more about human psychology. Like, there's so many ways you can do that, and it's a journey that never kind of ends because you're always changing.
Yeah, and there's always neny things to learn about yourself. Yeah.
When you show up a certain way, or you react a certain way, you feel triggered with something, it's like, get curious, Okay, what why do I feel like that?
Literally?
Write that down. I get asked all the time, like, how do your journal write that down? Why do I feel triggered when this person says this? Why did I react so big when my partner said this or made me feel this, and then I got angry about this, and then it brought a memory back about when I was younger, Like whatever comes up, unpack.
It, and sometimes don't you find Like I'll write something down that I think about, and then it might come to me like a couple months later and a h I know why I felt like that, or I know why I reacted that way. It all comes back up when.
You've got self awareness and you're on that journey of doing the inner work.
So first way is get out, Yes, do the things that you love to do, be around the people that are doing the things that you want to be doing.
Yes. Yeah.
I've got a good example for this. I've got this girlfriend of mine and she's single, and she's wanting to meet someone, and she's going out every weekend and drinking and partying and just meeting these people who just are not who she's wanting to be with, and just wasting so much of a time. But I said to her, I was like, you're going out and drinking and partying.
If you meet.
People out there, that's what they're valuing, that's what they're doing on their weekends. You're saying you want to meet someone that's into breath work. You're saying you want to meet someone that's doing the inner work. You say you want to meet someone who values sunrises and healthy eating, but you're not doing that yourself. You're going out to
nightclubs and to bars. If you want to meet that kind of man, go do morning breath work on the Saturday morning they hold free at early Beach like go and do courses and events like even for women wanting to meet friends that are into the same things, come to an ultimate girl's day out. But you're meeting women who are wanting to unpack their stuff. They're wanting to be around like minded women. They're wanting to try stepping outside the ca zone. They wanting to see what an
ice bath feels like. They're wanting to be a our women so they can have those deeper conversations, they can express vulnerability and have that safe space.
But if you're not putting yourself.
Out there and being in those environments, you're not going to find them. You're not going to find them if you're.
Stay in that same place or do the same things no one knew was going to show.
Up exactly like you have to be brave and put yourself out there. Yeah, dance classes, sporting events, go to the beach events, so.
Many places you can meet them. Yeah yeah, opening up your eyes, your minds. Yeah yeah.
The next thing that we thought of as well is being open. So we thought we'd kind of share the story of how we meant yeah.
And brave and brave and about it. I'm like, God, you were real brave.
So Ash messaged me online and was just like, hey, you were cool.
Let's hang out at your dm DM Yeah true.
And I said to you, I was like, I've been following you for ages. I was like, I love that because I was like, this is the type of person that aligns with me. I'm being open. I'm like freeing up space to meet, letting.
This person come to my house. It could be a psycho, which is not. And I was brave to even reach out to it, like I easily got rejected. There's been so many people online that I followed, really aligned with them, reach out and I never hear back.
You know, we really whether.
They don't check that DMS or whatever, or I meet them in real life and then nothing like they were online.
I'm like, oh, oh, it's interesting. But I just, yeah, I felt this pool. I felt like we would connect.
I felt like we were super aligned, like a value as I believes, just the things that we're working on.
And yeah, it was great and also good like that like you would just put yourself out. Yeah, it's like, hey, like let's get scared of getting rejected.
No, but you're also like not nervous about meeting up with people, and yeah.
I'm always open to new connections. Yeah.
I feel like if you've been hurt or been betrayed before, you can easily shut yourself off. Yeah, and I'm super aware not to do that, because you could be closing yourself off to the bestest friendship you've ever had, or just true someone that you really need in that season.
You know, I'm open to it.
But I also feel like if I can kind of know the first time hanging out with someone, if it's like.
Yeah, yeah, standards of what you want in friendships.
And you want someone who you know is lifting you up, not pulling you down. You want someone who you're valuing your time with them and encourage your time is precious at.
The end of the day, especially becoming a mum. Since becoming a mum, especially a mom of two. I don't know about if it so just get.
It does, can you?
I would have one time with that one on one.
So your time is more precious.
So now it's like I'm so selective who I hang out with and even at night times, like I love that as family times are you socialize all the time, like during the week on the weekends. But now it's like, I want to be with my family. So if I choose to hang out with a friend, it's because I really really value them. The other ones that start to dwindle away if they're not super aligned.
Yeah.
Yeah, your time is so so precious A so having standards of how you want to be treated, how you want to feel in that friendship. You want to feel supported, you want to feel encouraged, you want them to be one of your biggest cheerleaders, and you shouldn't settle for anything less than that.
No, yeah, you shouldn't. Having hobbies that align and just common ground.
I feel like that's why a lot of mums do get really close when they have kids, because you have that common ground.
It's like, oh, how many shits did your kid do today?
Like you can have this rash when this happened, Like is that common ground that can bring connection and it might be forever, it might just be for that season of newborn stage or whatever. But even like having hobbies like I've met a couple of girlfriends at dance class, like Meg, she's now my ea, we met a dance class. I was but rewind she volunteered at one of my squad tours in Adelaide years.
Ago, like one, I know. Crazy.
On top of that, I suppose like being okay to close off old friendships, which oh, we've spoken about this before.
I find this very hard. You're not so much.
I just think it does a disservice to them and myself if I'm hanging on and it's not a genuine friendship anymore and there's no ill feelings. It doesn't need to be something where it's a big fight or this be like, Okay, you can dwindle off.
Yes you can have to be a conversation.
It doesn't even need to but if there needs to be a conversation, sometimes there need to be a conversation as well. But yeah, I mean, it doesn't.
Have to be a bad thing.
You can wish them well, wish them peace, wish them love and be like, okay, this is the end of that chapter for me.
Yes, definitely being okay with rejection and knowing that that person isn't few. And this is something I suppose with me putting myself out there to you, I had to be okay that.
If you didn't want to hang out.
Yeah, but you have to be okay with that. Like, even though you feel a connection and vibe with someone, they might not feel that. That's okay too.
Go in with pretty low expectations, especially the first time meeting, just opening myself up, but expectations.
Low when your date, you're kind of dating friends, kind of.
You to have to be so true.
Yeah, you don't know how they're going to feel, if it's going to feel good for them or not.
Yeah, and you got to take risk, yes, no risk, no reward everything in life. If you want to find those people, you've just got to be brave, be vulnerable, be open. All the words have in saying true. Definitely, there's no easy way. No one's just going to go knock on your dog, hey, be my friend, married, to step outside your comfort zone or else.
It's not going to happen.
Yeah, it's really harsh, but to wrap this all up, it really is putting yourself out there, being brave, knowing who you are, knowing the standards of what you want in a friendship, what makes you feel good, and putting yourself out there to find them.
Yeah, especially the only way we