Brain Surgery 🧠🏥 And Closing Down Baseline...

couple of months, because it has been a whirlwind. It has been something I did not see coming so unexpected. But I'm going to tell her all today, all the details how everything's happened and led me to this point of one finding out that I've got a brain aneurysm. Two finding out then a few months later that I need to have surgery because I didn't think I would

have to have surgery after them finding it. And three how I've come to the decision to close down Baseline Active the clothing side of my business, so not the app but the clothing side of my business, which is huge. It is huge, and for all of this to happen at once, it just like WHOA. It's been a lot. So we'll start from the beginning. A couple of months ago, I was really not feeling happy and it was really

unlike me. I feel like the last I don't know how many years, five, ten, fifteen years, there's been ups and downs, but I've really enjoyed my life. I've really enjoyed my business. I really enjoyed the opportunities that I've had. I've really enjoyed being in my hume. I've been hustling for a long time and I've loved it and it

served me up until now. And a couple of months ago, I just felt like something was off and I couldn't quite pinpoint exactly what it was, but I felt like I was waking up and I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to go to work. I didn't want to handle my responsibilities. I felt stressed all the time. I felt very stretched. I felt like I just wasn't enjoying my tasks and my roles, and even being around older people. I kind of felt like I just wanted to go in and be at home more and be

with my kids more. I started finding it really hard to leave Tarla to go to work, like I just didn't want to leave her. I wanted to be with

her more. And I was crying all the time, like honestly, every second or third night, I would just sit on the couch and sometimes I would try and hold it back because I just got so sick of crying, and Steve would just have to take one look at me and I would start crying again, and I was like, I'm just so unhappy, and I don't know why, but I did start to really feel like majority of it came from my work life. It was just a really difficult time and I felt really stressed, and I started

to not sleep very well. And on a Friday, we'd organized a little girls sleepover myself, Nadine, and Sarah because they were all feeling a bit like, Oh, let's get together. We always have fun. Tap into that playful energy. Stepped over there. We had a beautiful night. The next morning, I woke up and I thought, God, my neck just

feels really, really tight. Anyways, went to training. On the way back from training, I was meeting the girls at the cafe, and just as I was pulling out, probably a couple hundred meters away, I started to lose sight in my left side of my eye. It was flickering flashes of black if I would look straight ahead. I couldn't see on my left side, and I was like driving, So I was just so scared. Luckily was really close. Pulled into the cafe and I was like, oh my goodness,

what is going on. I must be getting a migraine. No sign of a headache or anything. I sat at the cafe and I just the girl's like, you're right. I was like, no, I can't see, Like I literally can't see it on my left hand side. So Sarah ran down to the chemist and got me some voltain because she's like, you're getting a migraine, take volta and it's stronger than neurothin. I took both to neurofin and

Voltarin and it kind of helped a little bit. But I ended up getting Sarah to drive me back to her house because it was like two minutes away, and she just laid me down in her bed, covered my eyes and I laid there for about two hours, just in the darkness, and it went away. I was like, oh, that was scary. Just must have been a migraine. All good. Told Levi about it. He was like, Oh, you should probably go get a scan or something. That's really strange.

I was like, yeah, it'll be fine. Two days later, same thing happened. I trained. I lost my sight, this time in my right side. I was like, it must be training. There must be something to do with my neck, trying to find the answer, trying to find the solution. Leva I was like, you should go get some scans. I was like, yeah, I probably should, Hay. Anyways, life went on, went about my week. So the first time

was a sad day, then it was a Tuesday. Then it was all good until the Sunday and I'm sitting at breakfast with Steve and his family, and all of a sudden, I lose sight in both my eyes. I look at my father in law because we're talking about this, and he's like, that happens to me when I get migraines. And I said, I can't see you. I'm looking at him. I'm staring straight at him and I said, I can't see you. He's like, what do you mean, and he's

waving his hand up and I said, it's blurry. I'm having the flashes of black and I just I said, I just need to sit back and tables all over me. She always is. So I'm sitting in this cafe and I just put my head back and Mari Steve's mom passes me to a neurofin and like puts it in my mouth and I have that and I'm panicking at this point because I really can't see. And Steve's like, we need to go to the doctor, like this is a third time this week something's not right, and I

was like, yeah, let's go now. So we helped in the car, went to the doctor and he took me straight in and he just looked at my eyes. He then got on the phone and must have rang a neurologist or someone who specializes in eyes, and they said, send us straight to the hospital. And I was like, this is a bit dramatic, like wouldn't it just be in migraine? Trying to get out of go in to the hospital because it's a Sunday morning. I'm with my family and I thought, what could it be? You know,

Steve drove me straight to the hospital. So sat in the waiting room. They took me through. I got a c T scan, I got a tone of eye test, done everything with my eyes came back clear. And then eight hours later the doctor comes out and said, your eye tests are all fine, but we have found a brain aneurysm. And I was like what. I was like, what do you mean a brain aneurysm? And so we

found a brain aneurism. We're going to keep you overnight because we want to put you through an MRI to see if this was related to your eyesight and just to find out more information about it. So you're staying in tonight. Do you want to call a family member and get them to drop you some stuff off? And I'm just like I started crying, just absolute shock at this point. And then I called Steve and he was like, fuck okay, because Steve's had a brain aneurysm. So backstory

on Steve. He had actually I figured what it's called ac something. Basically he had lots of little aneurysms that come together to create one big, tangled aneurysm. They're really dangerous. From age I think it was ten to nineteen, not one surgeon in Australia would operate on him because it was so dangerous. The risk of him dying in surgery was huge, the risk of him going blind huge. Turned nineteen one surgeon in Sydney so that I'll operate on him. But there's still a high risk of death or a

high risk that you're going to go blind. But also you walking around with this aneurism, you are literally a ticking time bomb. He had to stop all contact sport. He was a footy player. He couldn't go surfing. Anything that could hit his head could kill him. So he's been through one a lot more severe than mine. But when I called him, he was just like, holy shit, I can't believe you've got a brain aneurysm. And I

had a brain aneurysm. So then I called my mum and she was like, oh, okay, you know this is what grand died of, and you know this is what Uncle Mark died of and you know, Uncle Craig's got one. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is like heavy in my family and she's like yeah. I was like, oh fuck, this is really scary. So anyways, I had forty eight hours total in hospital. The next morning I went for an MRI that was all clear, didn't really tell us anything else, and they told me, then, you know,

we're going to send you away. We think your loss of sight has nothing to do it with your aneurysm that we are putting down to extreme stress and phaustion. So you need to slow the fuck down. Basically, however you're living right now, like you need to take a

step back. Your body's given you symptoms and signs that it's not handling the stress, and you need to sleep and rest more with the aneurism, or we need to come back in three months and we're going to see if anything's grown or changed in any way, shape or form, but you most likely won't have to do anything about it. You'll just come back for yearly checkups. I was like, cool, no worries, walked away pretty confident. My mum, however, was pretty upset. She was like, I don't like that you're

just walking out of there. I feel like they should be doing something about it. And I was like, well, you know, it's only just over four millimeters. Obviously isn't huge. They obviously don't think anything's wrong, so that's a good thing. Like I don't want to go through surgery. So I kind of went about my life just you know, thinking that it'll be all good. Went back for my second MRI. This is only a couple of weeks ago. Steve's like, do you want me to come with you? And I said, no, no, no,

I'll be good. I'm sure they'll just send me away and I'll have my yearly checkups. When I went into the doctor, he said, look, you know, we've sat down and spoken about your case and all the neurology team here. We've decided it's best to move forward with surgery. And at this point, I'm just like, once again in complete shock. I said, am I not getting an MRI today for you to see if it's changed? Like you haven't even checked if it's changed. He said, it doesn't matter. I said,

but it's only small. He goes, it doesn't matter. It's the placement of it, it's your age. The best thing to do is for us to get in there and to do something about it. We only can go off stats, and I could tell you that you could be fine for the next ten twenty forty years, but you could walk out of here and tomorrow it ruptures or you stroke. It is best if we do surgery to prevent any of that happening. And at that point he told me

there's three different types of surgery they can do. But as he's telling me this information just flying over my head because I'm just in complete shock. He's like, let's book in a surgery date and I was like, oh my gosh. Can I go home and just like chill and think about it? Like I don't have to go through the surgery, do I? And he said, look, I

wouldn't advise chilling on this. Let's book a surgery date in and if you decide this isn't for you and you want to cancel, it's going against what we're advising you. But obviously you're life. But let's book something in. So did that whatever rain? Steven just bore my eyes and just like yeah, really struggled to process say information. But while I was in hospital, I just had a lot

of time to think. I had forty eight hours just literally laying in hospital bed, and I was really reflecting on my life and what's important and what I'm enjoying and what I'm not and where my stress is really coming from, and when it all came down to it,

it was baseline. And that was a really hard pill for me to swallow because I think I've wrapped so much of my identity around this business and being a successful business woman and being able to juggle all the hats and do so much and hustle and be successful and grow this beast of a business that it is, and I've been so proud of that, and I have

enjoyed so much of it until I haven't. And you know, on social media, I definitely show more the highlight stuff around business because that's the fun stuff that we want to see and it's a high vibe. But most of my time is sitting behind a desk and dealing with the logistics and the cash flow and managing a team and just the stress of running a big business. And I'm being completely honest, I fucking hate it. I don't enjoy it. And it wasn't until I had that time

and space to reflect that. I was like, ah, I can see this so clearly now, but in the same breath, it's like, well, what do you do about that? You don't give up. You've got to keep going. You've got staff that need jobs. You've paid for nine months worth of collections. That's hundreds of thousands dollars that I put deposits on for the next nine to twelve months. I can't just quit a business, and this business is very

heavily reliant on me. It's probably one of the biggest mistakes I've made throughout my career, is everything being really heavily focused on me because I'm the front end on the face of But once again, I've loved that part of it. So I don't know how I would have done it differently. Maybe I would have hired different team members to train them up to do different I don't know, but yeah, I just come to the conclusion that I

don't want to do this anymore. And when I went home, I hadn't even brought this up with Steve, but basically the next day he sat me down because when I was in hospital, obviously the team and him had to step in and take over quite a lot of my roles and deletgate, and also Steve wanted to change up the way the business was running so that I could step back a little bit more because I'd been advised by my medical team to not work as hard and full on as what I was. So he'd changed a

few things up. Team members were stepping up and trying to do different things. And he sat me down and he just said, you haven't been happy for months, and you know I will do whatever I can to support you in your dreams and your brands and whatever you want to do. Like I will step up, I will work harder, I will take on more. If your heart is one hundred and ten percent in this, if you know this is what you want to do for the next five, ten, fifteen years, like this is just everything

to you. But if you don't, I don't think guy, I can give it one hundred percent either. And in that moment, I knew it was over. I knew, and I boiled my eyes and he just sent me off for a walk so I could like breathe in process, and I just went for this walk. I knew I had to make the decision to close it down, but there's just so much like so many layers to it, and then yeah, the rescuer and people pleaser and me

my staff. My first thing that came to my head is like, now I have to let go of some of the team members, and I have to announce my audience, and just so many reflections and learnings and aha moments of who I am and how I've been showing up is all about to change. But the sadness and the fear didn't last too long. And that's how I knew this was the right decision for me. And I say that with such like excitement. It was really really exciting to come to that decision. So he made this decision

pretty damn quickly. When we went to Levi about it, he was so supportive because he's obviously our business partner in everything that we do and has been for the last fifteen years. And he just looked at me and he just said, this is the right decision. He's like, how can you argue with your health? You cannot make a decision to keep going based on your health and your other values, which is family and freedom and time. They're the things that I value most and baseline robs

me of all of that. Now, it was taking more than what it was giving. And I say, in any relationship, any job, any situation, if it's taking more than it's giving, I don't think it's right for you. And we spoke about another podcast that whole like never give up, don't give up. But I honestly have learned firsthand experienced in myself that it takes bravery and strength to know when it is time to let go. And it's not easy.

It's really uncomfortable because, like I said, so much with my identity has been wrapped around being the successful business woman and having this brand. But I just know the this is right for me, and I'm really excited for this next chapter. But there's been so many like cool little lessons along the way that I thought I would touch on today. So one of the first ones is just this feminine intuition and pull that I've had to

be more in my mum life. And I know that sounds ridiculous because I'm a mum, but I work so much. I work Monday to Friday, and then even on the weekends I'm working. And this last like six months, I'm working at nighttime too. And what's the first thing I do when I wake up I'm working. What I do on my walk, I work. It never stops ever, And that is the cool flexible thing about having a business, they say, is like, you know you've got that flexibility.

And yes, I've never missed out on any of Taj's school events. I've been able to still travel and do really cool things and still keep up to date with all of my work. But it never stops. And the brain like mental load that you carry as a business owner,

like I never hear anyone talk about. It's all glamorized on social media, which I've been a part of too, because I don't want to come on and be complaining about how hard business is, because I feel so grateful that I'm in this position to want to have a business. I love get to work on something I'm really passionate about, Like I love active where I love helping women feel amazing.

That will never change. But the other stuff that people don't talk about, it's a mental load that you never really get a break from, especially if you're in the growth stage or is just at a scale and level that baseline was at. So I've felt, yeah, like I want to be at home more. I want to be with my kids, more in charge is at school, but Tyler's like just about to turn two. I just want

more time with her. There's time's going by so fast, and yeah I get weekends and after work, but even the morning, I've got like an hour before I'm heading off to work for the day, and the hour's chaos. It's not quality, nice time with my kids. And wanting more time with her, Like I see these moms get these whole days where they just go to the park and like cook and do all this stuff. And I started to do that on a Thursday, which I've spoken about,

and it's just my favorite day of the week. I feel so feminine and flowy and connected and just just nice. And I'm like, I want more of that. But I felt so stuck with that. I haven't been able to I can't just walk away and expect someone else to do my roles. So that was a huge wake up call for me that made this decision really easy. I've also had a reflection of like, I have been hustling and had my foot on the pedal since I was thirteen years old. That's when I have my first job.

I've always been a really, really hard worker, and I've always been really praised for that. Wow, you're such a hard worker. You juggle so much. How do you do it all? So I've kind of stayed in that personality because it's brought me so much, like I suppose, pride, and I've been so proud of that and people will look up to me for that. So that's a part of my identity work that I need to do now is like, oh, am I still inspirational? If I don't have a business? Am I still looked up to? Am

I still good enough? Am I still smart enough? Have I failed? Like all of these stories and questions have been rumbling in my head. It's so quick for me to come back to But here you are all of those things without baseline. Like, baseline isn't who I am. That's not what makes me strong and you know, inspiring or all those things that I want to be. It's not defined on whether I have an active relabel. That

was just so interesting to unpack. Yeah, and then one of the other things was I realized I have had my toes dipped in so many different things over the years, and once again, I've loved doing that. I don't regret it at all. I've helped start up with loads of my friends businesses, and I've invested here and there, and I've got lots of collaborations, and i work as an influence as well. And I've had multiple businesses and brands over the years, and I don't regret any of them.

I've loved all of them, and some have lasted a really long time and some have been a short season. But I feel like now even have going from one kid to two kids, you just don't have as much time. Therefore, I can't give one hundred percent into anything. So almost feel like I've been giving most things ten or twenty

percent and that doesn't feel good for me. Yeah, if I do something, I want to be able to do it properly and put all of my into it, make sure that it's something that I'm really really proud of, and I can't do that. Like high Away, for example. I love our brand Hideaway. My mom started that. I'm so proud of that, and I can never help with that. When Steve comes to me to ask for help, it almost causes like a yucky energy between us because I'm like, how do you think I've got time to do that?

And I'll make comments like that because I'm so stretched, but he's you know, we've got strengths and weaknesses, and he obviously would love my strength in there, and he helps with Baseline as well, but both of us are just to run two brands of that size is really really difficult, and then to find time to connect and have a beautiful relationship that I desire, that's really hard, and we've found it harderer since having another kid the

last two years. It's just things that now I've had that time in space to reflect, I'm like, oh, I can see how that's not serving me. And once again, I always am just going back to my values. I value my family first, and my health, time and freedom. I'm a true Sagittarian anyone that's Sagittarios. We value freedom so much and this brand doesn't give me any of that. So it comes back to that. It just makes the

decision so much easier. So many lessons, heyah. Another one that I realized is just I feel like I've just lost the fun of it and I don't feel like with this brand that I get to be present and celebrate my wins because with based on we have to be almost you know, we used to be a couple of months ahead, and then we're six months ahead, and there were nine months ahead, and the new twelve months ahead. And you'll launch a collection and you see the money come in, and then twice as much goes out to

the next two collections. And it's this constant, like hamster wheel of just always thinking ahead and always being ahead that I'm never present in the moment celebrating it. So taking it all on, I'm just like, holy shit, I don't enjoy running all parts of the business. So that was a huge, big, expensive lesson for me to learn. But you just can't have any regrets. You really can't.

That's what I've learned. I feel like every part of my journey the last fifteen years, all the businesses, all the moments, all the failurees, all the highs, all the opportunities, all the things I've said yes to, all of it has led me to this part and I have really

had to unpack what success means to me. And I feel like Baseline's been so successful, not only financially with connection and incredible collections and the brand that I've built the community, but it's successful to the point now where that's done what I wanted it to do, and I don't see where I can go with it. I can't see where I get more satisfaction or fulfillment out of discontinuing running it. How it is, The success for me is being able to close it off once it's got

to where you would have wanted it to go. This is a dream of mine to have my own active with label, and I've done that. Now, I've done that, and I'm really proud of that. It's been the last eight years of my life. But redefining what success is it's like when I was reflecting in the hospital, I did so much journaling. I was like rewind to younger Ashley. Success to me was all about growth and more. I

wanted more money, I wanted more followers. I wanted more growth, more businesses, more significance, more opportunities, more business, more hustle. It was just more, more, and more, even like the nice things like nice hand and travel and doing all the cool things and paying for my friends to do everything like and a reflection, I was like, Okay, in my brain, that's what I define success is. I was like, cool, ash You've done it, So what now. I dreamt as

a little girl to be famous and to be on stage. Okay, you've done that. In my mind like I have been roll on, I've been on stages, but I've had three thousand people turn up to my events. Okay, cool? And I felt nothing. Talking to myself was like, oh my gosh, I've tipped all those boxes. They don't mean what they used to mean to me. That doesn't excite me anymore, that doesn't bring me fulfillment, it doesn't bring me anything,

So shit, what does success mean to me now? And then I got to go on a journey of like, oh my gosh, okay, to me, it's like a really regulated nervous system. It is time to spend with my friends, my family, my loved ones, myself. It's feeling excited about my day. It's not putting my in a box of actually being this successful business person. It's like, I'm so multifaceted and there's so many hats that I wear and

to be able to honor all of that. I will still always enjoy the nice things in life, but they don't bring me happiness anymore. And that was a really cool realization that once again made the decision so much easier. On top of that, I feel like I was kind of just surviving through each day, not thriving. I love that saying, I really do. And I feel like throughout the last couple of years, even recently, I've had opportunities that I haven't been able to say yes to because

I feel like almost bogged down with my responsibilities with Baseline. Yeah, overall, this experience with my health, it's really shaken me up and shaken my whole world up. I just was so burnt out I didn't even realize it. And I think the universe has a really interesting way to give you your little gentle nudges. And I always say, the universe will like whisper to you first and give you a little couple of symptoms to see if you'll take action

and honor that. And if you don't listen to that, it'll get a little bit louder and push you a little bit harder. And if you don't listen to that, it'll then yell and push you so hard that it'll force you to stop. And I feel like the universe has been telling me for the last couple of months that this isn't working for you anymore, and you're not happy, but you keep ignoring it. Because I kept pushing through like okay, I'm crying up said okay, get up, try again,

keep going. You've got to keep going, like just never give up. Push push, push, You've got this. It's just a hard time. It's just you know, your period's coming up. It's just the full moon. Everyone's finding it hard right now. It's just a phase. And then when you find out a healthcare like that, it just like I felt like the universe literally shook me and was like, wake the fuck up. This isn't working and you need to stop. I'm going to force you to stop in a way

of going into brain surgery. Okay, thanks Universe. But it's really good because it's shaken me up and it's made me re evaluate everything, and I'm so grateful for that. I'm also just so grateful that they found the aneurism. Anyone with the aneurism, you were literally a walking, ticking time bomb. You never know when it could rupture, You never know. My grand didn't know she had one, so she was eating lunch, felt dizzy and went for a nap and passed and asleep. My uncle dropped dead, like yeah,

you don't know, And that is so common. There's kids as teenagers, adults that literally just die in their sleep or you know, drop dead from theirs and rupturing like, how lucky am I that they found it? How lucky am I that I get to go and have surgery.

completely different, and I'm so excited for it. And I don't even know what the next chapter will be like, Like it feels so weird the thought of not having baseline to think about, because it's all I think about all day every day. It's completely consumed me for the last eight years, in good ways and bad ways. Like I said, I've loved so much of it. And I will miss being out designed and have my own actual for a brand, like I will miss having you know,

the girls and the team and whatever. But my passion for helping women and making them feel confident doesn't have to be defined around the clothes that they wear. Yeah, and that has been a part of it, because I love when women say I feel so confident in baseline, I love the way you know, I can go to the gym and feel supported, and these tips really hold me in here after having a baby, and this color makes me feel so feminine, fun like. I love all

of that. It will never get old to me when I walk down the street, walk into a gym, seeing mom at a park, rocking baseline. That's been beautiful. But my true passion for helping women doesn't have to be defined by the closest they're wearing that I've made. Had someone say to me that I was talking about this.

It was a staff member and they said, oh, I feel like you're going to get a bit of pushback on this, that you're in such a privileged position to make that decision to close it down and to step

back from work. And I said, yeah, they could probably take it like that, but what people don't realize and what they haven't seen is the last fifteen years of time and energy and money that I've sacrificed and built up my personal brand and built up hide Away and built up my collaborations with Happy Way and Clean Treats, and I've got my toes dipped in so many things

that this wasn't a financial decision. I'm supported by my other streams of income and I said it on a recent podcast that that was a massive piece of advice that Tony Robins gave me. It was never have one leg to stand on. You have seven, So of one leg breaks, you've got another six. And that is kind of the position that I'm in. I do feel very, very lucky in privileged for sure, but I've also built this life that I can step back and be with my kids more. It's not like I won't be working.

Like Grow and Glow is growing and expanding so much. We put so much into this, but I want to put more into this Hideaway. Would love to have me in there more, and I would love to be in there a little bit more. And there's has been other opportunities, like I said in the past, that I've been offered, whether it's speaking events or travel opportunities and just different cool things that I'm like, I can't do that because

I've got this on. So it kind of excites me that I'm just going to have more space, first of all, to look after my health. Like, honestly, that is the first and foremost most important thing. I will never take my health, my brain, my body, my energy, my family, my friends. Like the amount of support that I've had through this, it's just been so beautiful. Even Levi when we first went to him, I was like petrified and telling him that we're going to close this down because

that's his business as well. But how supportive he was, and he was like, yeah, that is the only option, Like you have to do this for you because health is the number one. Like you can't argue with that.

they knew her for. And I don't even think I fully know who I am once I remove all the titles, hats, and achievements. But I'm really excited to get to know this rebirth of who I am once I strip away so much of what I thought was to be me or what others have put me into boxes. To be crying, I'm crying, I said to Steve. I really hope I get through this episode without crying. Now you're crying. I'm so proud of you. I'm just so proud of you.

I'm so excited for you. And I wanted to share this because obviously, I've shared so much of my life. The last Oh, give me a moment, I wish I wasn't on my period, please so much easier. Oh made me laugh. I've shared so much of my life and me having all of these realizations and this health scare like nothing like a health scare shift your whole life.

But I really want to share this part of the business because when I first started having these thoughts, I couldn't think of like one person that had gone through this, and in a public sense as well of like consciously like saying I'm closing down my business. I haven't really seen anyone else do that and put the business aside. I really want this message to be an empowering message of like, if you are not feeling happy, and it's not that you're not going to feel sad or have

different emotions, that's part of the human experience. We all know that. But day to day, if you are not feeling happy, something has to change, something has to shift. Your body is telling you that through these emotions, and it's our responsibility. Like no one else can make those decisions for you, No one else can save you. You can park them to the side as much as you want, like I did for months, but your body will keep nudging and pushing you and then forcing you to listen.

And I really hope anyone listening that if you are having thoughts of just not feeling a line, not feeling happy, and feeling really off center, like something's just not feeling good, that you can change your mind. Yes, it's going to take sacrifice, Like I've lost hundreds of thousands of dollars closing this down because all the deposits that we've put down for these future collections, you don't get your money back. That's see you later. It's cost me a lot of money.

People have lost their jobs. A couple of them have been able to absorb in to hide away. That was really hard. But you are responsible for your life and your happiness, and you have to honor yourself that you literally get one life, like I'm thirty five years old, life so short, like my uncle passed away at forty two. Like I refuse to live my life to please others or to be looked at as successful. I don't give

it a fuck or people think about me anymore. I don't care if they think I've failed, or if they don't think I'm successful, if they think I should have kept going, kept pushing, I don't care because my priority is my health and my family, and I choose to put that first and I will always put that first. And it probably shouldn't have taken a health scare to make me do that, but how cool that it has.

Like I said, everything in my journey has led me to be exactly where I am right now, and for the first time in a long time, I feel so free, and I haven't even had my brain surgery yet. When I first was talking to the surgeon, I obviously was really scared of the risks of surgery, which they are really scary. It's like one to two percent of people stroke in surgery or have a stroke. My anuism could rupture when I'm on the table, which could lead to

brain issues and problems. If I stroke on the table. My aneuism's on the right side of my brain, just behind my eye. If I stroke, I could lose the ability to use my left hand and my left leg. Like, these are real risks, and there's obviously a risk that you could pass on the table. There's a huge risk. So those thoughts are being told that by a surgical team when you have children. I can't even explain the

fear that came through me. But when I was talking to my mom about it, because I was like, something ever happened to me like my kids? Like, these are the thoughts so scary, right, But she's like, you get a chance now for your life to be saved so that you can be here for them. If you don't and it ruptures, most likely you'll die because you'll probably be nowhere near a hospital where they can quickly help you.

Whereas my surgeon said to me, if you rupture on the table or you stroke on the table when I'm operating on you, it is the best place for that to happen because I can do things that can minimize the damage, can minimize the brain damage, you can minimize how severe your stroke is. The good thing about being in my right side is if it strokes on your left side, you can lose the ability to be able to speak properly. On my right side, it won't happen, so I'll still be able to talk on the podcast.

May need some help getting up the stairs. I've got you. If it's not loving, have to I have to right, You've got to be in humor into otherwise I'll just keep crying so I'll still be able to continue with the podcast. We're all got there, guys. But yeah, this is a thing like so many emotions can coexist. And as I'm going through this, this is literally I'm talking to you guys as I'm experiencing. This has all happened within the last four weeks. It's been a big month. Yeah,

it's happened so fast. From finding out about my surgery, to making this decision, to putting things in place, to figuring out how to wrap this up. It's been huge, but I feel so at peace with it all and so excited for all. I just no, I'm going to be okay through the surgery, Like I really do believe that.

And even if I'm not okay, I'm going to be okay, even if I lost the ability to use my left arm and leg, Like if I'm still here with my kids and I've still got time on my side, amazing because a lot of people don't get that opportunity, that don't get that second chance. Because I've got that here right now, and that's all we do have, right That's what we've got to lean in on. That's been the biggest thing that's helped me through all of this is lean on gratitude any hard time that you go through.

I know it's really hard to be grateful for hard things that are happening, but you have to. I feel like every situation you can definitely find the light, the silver lining, and the gift That's been my biggest like flex over the last ten years is I'm really really good at that and that gets me through really really hard times. And that's a skill that I really want to pass on to my kids because it's so powerful and it will get you through the scariest and hardest

times of your life, really does. So my surgery is booked in for the start of July, and I mean hospital just for three days. So the first night I go in and they have to load me up on blood thinners to prevent a clot, and then I go into surgery the next morning and then I'm in ice you for twenty four hours, be monitored by a nurse like I get my solo nurse who looks after me. And then when more night in the ward, and then I go home for two weeks bed rest and then

I'm good. Yeah, and then life goes on and I get to start this new chapter. Yeah, how cool? Was that? So cool? So cool?

The third one that I went to to actually book my surgery and ask the million questions that I didn't have the capacity to when he first told me, that's my actual so that is doing my surgery. And she's a female and I asked her that and she said, no, it's not related to your site. The position of where it is is behind your right eye, but it doesn't block off your vision and if it did, it would have completely blocked it out for good. So she doesn't

think it is okay. And since I found out about this aneurysm, I have tried to slow down as much as I can. I've still got a lot of responsibilities. But I went to the Eden Retreat, which we're gonna do a whole episode on because life changing, life changing, Holy fuck, everyone needs to go there. And just the timing for me, this is the timing, Like I just

I feel like it gives me goosebumps. But the universe really has my back because the timing of that when I found out that week, it was that week I found out I had to have surgery on the Monday, and we were leaving on the Thursday. The miss call when we were that's.

Twice when I was driving, yeah, that's full on. I don't know about anyone else, but I straight away went like, oh my gosh, I've got cancer. That was my initials. Yeah. I didn't even think about an anneurism when my grand died. Because there's my grand who had three boys, once my father who I don't talk to, I don't know, and the other two my uncles. I had relationships with. My

other uncles. So one of them died from aneurism and their mum died, my grd And when they died, my uncle Craig had said to me, you need to go and to get checked because this is in our family. And I remember reading this email of him being like, obviously so sad that they've passed and went to the funerals and you know all that stuff. I'd never once considered to go and get checked. Why why did I not go and get checked? We think we're in vincil

sometimes I think so. I just I thought it was age related, but a lot of us are actually born with aneurysms. I thought, I'm young, I'm healthy, I would never have aneurism. Like and now I'm messaging my brother because we've got the same father. I'm saying you need to go and get a MRI. And I know he's not going to. I bet you he won't. And I messaged him the other day and I was like, hey, have you booked MRI's Like, life's so busy, life so crazy.

I was like, I know, but this is the thing that could wipe out your life if he have run.

different ways that will make him feel safer. I remember going into an MRI Petrifik because I'm quite claustrophobic, but I was like, okay, Ash, I love having conversations with myself. I'm like, this is the only thing you need to do. You're fine, You're not. I remember saying to myself, you're not going in for brain surgery. You're lucky. I was like, you're not going from brain surgery, You're not in hospital

getting chemotherapy. You have your whole life ahead if you if you have to lay here for twenty eight minutes on your back being still, you got this, and I did. It's a long time for a kid, hey, but for a kid, they don't they don't know how to process like that. Their brain isn't developed like that. So yes, we definitely will get him checked. But both of us, like Steve's like, I cannot believe you have one, like

after everything I've been through. So Steve's was crazy. He doesn't have sight in the corner of his left eye, but that's an amazing result. But when he worked up from a surgery, he was kind of in a coma and he didn't have sight for six weeks, so they didn't know if he was going to lose his sight. So every day he'd wake up and like couldn't see. Every day he's waking up praying his site comes back, not knowing if it's going to. Should see his scar.

It's literally from like the top of his skull right down the back. They'd take his skull off and like it was such a what I mean, such a basive, such an invasive, complex surgery, like a ton of aneuism's all tied into one, Like mine's just one that's nearly five millimeters. So that's the thing too. The Neurositchon said to me, once you're at five millimeters, they want to operate. Mine's four point seven, so it's nearly there. But she's like, whyld we risk it? It's so close to being at

a size. And she's like, you're so young, You've got two kids. This is like a preventative almost. They could be silly, not too. But I had a couple of just to end this on a lighter note, a couple of just things that I wrote down that have really kind of helped me process this and get through this.

And I want to remind you all that it's really important that you meet yourself where you're at right now, because I think so much of ash binds I've been living in from who I was five years ago and who I was ten years ago with fitness and with business and being on social media and just being this identity. I'm always authentic and I share very honestly, but there's definitely parts of myself that I've just made my identity.

I've changed and evolved and rebirthed so many times that Ashi winds five years ago, like I don't even recognize her anymore. So meet yourself where you are at right now. And That's what I'm doing. I'm meeting myself where I'm at. It's a whole new chapter, new ashy that I'm still

getting to know as well. If you ask who I am underneath all those labels and achievements and titles, I probably couldn't give you a clear ancey yet if you ask yourself that being interesting thing to journalong like do you know who you are when you take off your mum hat? Your business hat? Or your success? Is your achievements, your things that people praise you on, Like who are you at your core? A lot of people can't answer that. It's really important, we know that. So meet yourself where

you're at right now. Fully own your truth, like exactly who you are, like no one can argue with you or criticize or change your narrative to your truth. They can't. It's your truth. And people can make up their own assumptions as to where you're at or what you should be doing with your life because that's their projections and their truth and what they think is right. But you know your truth even if someone's like I don't know

what to do with this, like your heart and your head. No, you know, when you create the space to reflect and journal or just like be with yourself, the answers are all within you. But most of the time we just keep parking it to the side because we're so busy. We've got so much to do and everyone needs us. And that's why being in hospital, I feel like that was the biggest gift of having forty eight hours in

hospital to myself. I had that space to think about all of this, and then go to Eden, I got more space to just think about it, and that's really helped me be able to come to these decisions and just know they're so right. Like nothing anyone could say could tell me that I'm making the wrong decision, which is so cool. You're so the decision yeah, and so powerful and so empowered, and that's really cool energy to

be in. With everything that's going on, I want you to all give yourself permission to begin again, give yourself permission to change your mind, give yourself permission to be the beginner, Like why do we always have to know it at all? Or be afraid to start something new and be starting something fresh that's actually really exciting. Give yourself permission to do it. I think it's so scary

to change your mind. Like maybe you're in a relationship or a marriage or a friendship, or a job or a career or a business, and it's so scary to change your mind. But give yourself permission to do that. That's part of life. Yeah, And I feel like in business about you, but say if you know someone and they decide to change jobs, it's so celebrated, it's like, will go you, that's awesome. But if you change your business,

I feel like people don't accept it as much. Yeah, I find that really interesting, And is that why I'm not a a lot of people are talking about it or they carry so much shame when they decide that it's not for them because it's not spoken about on social media. No, it's not there really isn't even me talking to friends and family about this. There's been so many other stories that have come out and been like, oh, yeah, well I used to do this and I didn't like it,

so I closed it down and started this. But the way they say it, it's like, oh, I a bit shameful, and I'm like, that's cool. Yeah, that's really cool that you did that much. If you kept going, how miserable you'd be so true. So give yourself permission to change your mind and try something new, be a beginner, and just honor what you want to do. You're allowed to. It's your life. I think sometimes we lose our power and thinking that we can't or that we're stuck, and

we're not stuck. It's just scary and uncomfortable.

announce this to everyone. No, Like my ego kept us going for another two years and for what Yeah, none of us were enjoying it. Scary.

even doesn't feel right, but it's safe. Yeah, And when you expand and you grow and you unpack, there's that little voice in you that's like, oh, just stay there, just stay safe. That's what you've always done. That's what you've got to remain. Don't go out there. That's too scary. You might not be able to do that.

I want to look back and be able to tell my great grandkids like, oh, like I did this, and I did this, and I tried this, and this is really cool and this led me to this rather than just being like, oh, I was this my whole life.

right in your life? In your life? How do they know? They don't know anything? They think they do, but they don't your life And I love your low It's so true, you really do. It's one life, Like how are you going to live it? And how are you going to look back? What are you going to regret the opportunity is that you said no to or yes to. It's such a cool conversation. I was so excited to have this conversation because there's been so many lessons and I

really hope it makes so many of you. Just stop, give yourself some space, be still, and fully reflect on everything in your life and what's working, what's not, and then take the steps to change, no matter how scary is anyway, feel the fear and do it anyway, because you'll come out the other side. The other side is so much lighter and brighter and more exciting. Yeah, I find the unknown quite exciting. Now. You used to really scare me. I used to be such a certainty person.

Now I'm really excited for options might come along. I don't even know how cool. Yeah, I feel like when you close one door as well, so many more open up. But when you've got your door closed. So I had my door closed just to baseline because that was my priority and that was my all. I can't do the other things. So now when I open that up, I feel like all these other doors are going to fly open for me and I get to choose what I

want to do, which is really cool. So when you choose to make a big change in your life, I'm expecting or assuming that there's going to be a bit of an aftermath. What I mean by that is when you go through something really big in your life, whether it's a health scare or a change of business or a divorce or something really big happens, your body kind of goes into the survival mode and all this adrenaline

to support you through it. And that's amazing. Our body's there to support us, right, But then when the big thing happens and it's done, I think there could be this crash of exhaustion where then your body kind of catches up. And I feel like I've been running in an energy of fight or flight, scarcity and survival for a really long time. There's been a lot of passion and purpose in there as well, and alignment for sure.

But when I truly be honest with myself, I think I've been trying to prove to myself and prove to everyone so much. Makes to cry thinking about it because I think of my younger self and I'm like, oh, you've really put yourself through a lot to prove that. But I've really felt like I've had to prove to myself and show myself that I can do it everything

that my stepdad told me that I couldn't do. You wouldn't be lovable, you never make anything of yourself, You're too dumb, you never have any money, you know you'll never succeed. All those things. I had to prove it. I've proved it to myself, and then I kept having to prove it to everyone else. And that's why when I had that conversation with myself with what success is, and I was like, holy shit, ACTU, You've done all of that. You've proven it to yourself. You've got nothing

else to prove. You don't need to prove anything to anyone else anymore. And no one really cares that, you know what I mean, Like everyone's living their own life. I don't need to prove anything to anyone, but most of all not to myself. I've ticked all those things off, I've done all those achievements. It's well done, pat on the back, gold staff for me. Awesome. It's just not

what really matters. So it's so cool that I feel like I've healed this younger self of just needing to be seen and needing to be proven that she's worthy of having it all. I am, Yeah, I am worthy of it all, definitely are, and I don't need to prove that to anyone anymore.

We've got some huge wholesaling opportunities that there's some big things coming for a hideaway for especially in this next six months. Once again timing, it's just like so freaking cool. I'm going to be with Tyler a lot more, which I'm so excited for. And yeah, baseline clothing will be no more so when you guys listen to this. We've changed the website up and everything needs to be cleared. Everything is on sale. We want to clear the warehouse

and close it off asap. We've got quite a few of our older collections just with leftover stock, so you need some teapact to wear. It's super super cheap. All sports bras are twenty five dollars, all shorts twenty five dollars, leggings are thirty, jumpers are thirty, all accessories are five dollars. Like it's super super cheap and it's incredible quality. It last year for years. You guys can go and shop over there and clear all that out and then it'll

be no more. My app will still be up and running, it will be changing, which is exciting for Levi, so he will be putting it under his branding. We had Levy on our podcast a couple of weeks ago, so he does trauma and toxin therapy. We do workshops together. We're planning a few different retreats next year. But he's going to be taking over the back end of the app and managing that, but it'll be under his branding. So you still be able to access all of my

twenty eight day programs. I'll still be your coaching there. I'll still be in the forum. I'll still be supporting women because, as I said, that hasn't changed for me one bit. That's what I truly love. I even feel like I haven't been able to like show up as much as what I've wanted to be this last couple of months because I feel like I've just lost my

sparkle and energy to be able to do that. So that is all still going to be the same, same, but the umbrella and branding will be changing to be more Levi's brand, which is really exciting because I love working with him and I love what we've built together, but he's only expanding and growing and helping more people, so I still get to be a part of all of that. And then I go in for my surgery. Good two and a half, three weeks of recovery, and then I'm off to Barley with my mum.

hour conversation. It's good. It's our longest podcast we've ever done. Yeah, but there was a lot to say and a lot of really valuable lessons, and yeah, it was really easy and hard for me to talk about this. It's quite funerable, I suppose, so proud of you. Thank you.

so nice to be held. It's like it's almost the Universes said, here's the right path for you. I'm like holding my hand out in front of me, like here's the right path for you. Do you choose to follow? And I've chosen yes. And that's why it's been so flowy. I had these moments I'm like, it can't be this flowy, Like it can't be this like not easy in the sense like this has been hard. But every step, it's

just the timing of it, it's been so perfect. Supported you. Yeah, but I have these moments of like, something's got to go wrong, like this can't feel like this, but it does and it does get to be like that, and I'm choosing for it to be like that. Yeah, So it's really cool. So yeah, if you guys, so any questions you guys have regarding surgery, your baseline, where my thoughts at, anything like that, pop it in our forum. I'll do a questions box on Instagram as well maybe

and we'll cover that next time. So thank you so much for listening. And I just really appreciate all of my community that's been there through not only this passpeit with my brain surgery, but supporting baseline, like choosing to be a part of my brand and my community and what I've put so much time, energy, money into wearing it so proudly like seeing me in the street and being like, oh, Baseline, tagging me on Instagram, sending me a DM of like how the clothes make you feel?

It never gets old, and there's not a day goes by that I don't like pinch myself with gratitude of how lucky I am to have this support system and to have this community of literally some if you've been here since the last like fifteen years, that's unreal, that's amazing, that's so cool. When you're still here listening to my story. Oh head in my heart's so so grateful, So thank you for listening, thank you for being here, and let's get excited to get to know this new version of

actually the new chapter. I'm so excited. Thank you, I love you, I love you. We'll see you guys next time. Bye bye