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We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the land on which we gather today and pay our respects to their elders past and present. We extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara. This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level up together. Let's go deep, let.
The emotions flow, and find the lessons to grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow and we're here to be your expander. Hello everybody, welcome back to the show. Welcome back to Grow and Glow. So today we are talking about loneliness, spending time with yourself.
Yeah, so it's hard to find with having children if you are a mother.
Really hard, or a father, or a caregiver or a one hundred percent We want to like just check in with you all because we have had the opportunity to have some time alone at the eating retreat that we went to and really made us spark this conversation of like how little time we get by ourselves, but how important it is, uh huh. And I spoke about it in my episode about my brain surgery with Baseline too, just having even at the time in hospital and then eaten.
But now I'm trying to find more moments of quiet, even if it's five minutes in my car before I go from work to home, just to regather my thoughts and ground and take some big breaths and just like slow it down, because when you do, you get that space to get clarity on what's going on and how you're feeling. Actually ask yourself this, like, when was the last time you actually had time by yourself?
Yeah? And when was the last time you like stopped and were like consciously like, oh, I'm going to take some time for me, not rush in to grab the kids or sit out in front of the gate waiting for fifteen minutes, just like sit.
On your own Yeah'll, And do you crave it? Like how often do you think that you need it? Because I know if you're more of an introvert, you need a lot more than an extrovert, and you need that to recharge your batteries, You need that just to feel good, feel connected. And whether you've answered yes or no to having it, how could you incorporate some more into your day, and how would that positively impact your family and your life and your energy?
So should we go back to Eden?
Yes? Like?
Actually, like, do you want to leave now?
Oh? My gosh, can we go? It was so good?
So let's go back to Eden. Before we went to go into Eden, what was your life like at home? When was the last time you had some time on your own?
I mean, I get up early before everyone, but I go on a walk. I guess what I'm doing in my walk working? I'm working. I clear all of my DMSU. I get a lot every day, and I do that all by myself. Now I clear all of my emails. I'm getting on top of everything before the days started because it does make me feel calm and knowing that they're done. I'm on my stories, I'm on my Snapchat, I'm uploading to tiak top, I upload into YouTube like all the shorts. I'm just getting ahead of the day.
So it's yeah, I'm alone, but it's not the alone time that we're talking about and encouraging you to do right now. So before that, no, I wasn't really having time on myself.
Yeah, I feel like I'm definitely more of an introvert. So I feel like for me, I really try to fit in, and when I don't, I get really frazzled. I don't feel like myself. I just need it to recharge. But I haven't had my mornings because Rega girl's been waking up super early still. But I do try throughout the day when they're at school to just sit down for even like fifteen minutes and read my book on my own, Like I'll just go upstairs and I'll say to myself, like when I eat my lunch, I'll go,
this is my lunch break, So have a break. Go sit up there, even if it's fifteen minutes. While you're eating at the same time, chill, put your phone down and read.
Why do business owners not take lunch breaks?
Oh my gosh, we are so bad for that.
We grab our lunch and we keep eating while we're on the computer, keeps eating in a team meeting. I keep eating while we're checking on something in the warehouse. Like it just we actually don't take a lunch break. Steve has started doing that. He goes and gets a salad sandwich and sits on Burly Hill. It takes half an hour oh hour for a full days works a lot sunlight, but sunlight on his skin. Time away process thoughts. I'm like, good on your babe, that's really good.
It's really really nice, and I feel like it's something that so many of us don't prioritize. Yeah, but yeah, my life was pretty chaotic as well. Before Eden, I did get like my fifteen minutes here or there. But I felt like when I was heavily in my healing journey and like going really deep, I needed time and space or I was just not coping with life, like I needed a heap of time to cope. And now
my capacity has gotten way better. Yeah, which is great, but I feel like, also now I don't get as much of that time because I'm like, oh, I am coping, but you go and enjoy it as well. It's really nice to have that time for yourself.
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
How did we feel initially going in there?
Well, we've done a whole episode on this, so if you want to hear the whole experience, go there. But I don't think I expected to have as much alone time as what we got, which was really cool. They even put us in separate rooms. I initially thought they'd put Kiera and I together. And I was like, sleep with a vides and then no, they put us in separate rooms. But they do that for a purpose. There was one particular day that we had so much solo time. I read most of my book at a really long
hot bath. I sat on the balcony journaled for ages. I had a massive crying release and just plotted around the cabin. It was so beautiful and I was like, I cannot remember. I couldn't tell you the last time that I had hours on end to myself. I got a weekend like Steve and I might I might go train for an hour and then I rushed back so he can go train or go for a massage and come back. But it's just not the same as actually sitting still with no distractions, being able to be something to do, I.
Know, like on your own. And also people are making your bed for you, they're bringing your towls for you. You have lunch and dinner made for yourself. There's nothing to do.
It's so cool though, you actually just get to really enjoy your own company.
There's no reception.
It's the best no reception.
We're going to do an episode on that too. Yeah, it's so good, but it was beautiful. I feel like the one thing I gravitated to was I took way more bars and made me realize how much of a nice solo activity that is to take for yourself. I do not do that enough at home.
And I suppose I don't know about you, but my bath is not full of toys and stuff. It's full of toys. It's short, it's just not sometimes yeah, and it's just not my bath. It's not very comfortable. Resistance is like one of those big, long, deep, just gorgeous baths you just like sink in. I feel like I could sleep in it. It's so nice. But yeah, that time was just awesome. It really recharged me and put me on such a different vibration. It's like high vibe,
but calm high vibe. I felt so just clear and calm. And this is only like a couple of days after I've just been told I'm having brain surgery, and I just felt so calm, so at peace, so trusting of the universe and my plan and just everything's going to
be okay. And when you can live like that daily, which is really hard in this modern day, or how busy and hustling we all are, but it's cool to experience that because it's like, Okay, I can't live like that right now, goals one day, but I can incorporate more of that into my day to day, into my week to week and being this energy more. Yeah.
And a cool thing too that I kind of took away from it is that life still goes on without you. Like you literally think that if you're not there for you know, your kids every time they need you or this or that, or like dinner's not happening, that's not happening.
It's like who cares, They're fine.
You're Actually it's really important for us to prioritize us sometimes for us and the world kept spinning. Yes, everything kept happening.
And I think a lot of moms get scared to leave their kids with the dad. Not scared that someone's going to happen to them, but like what if the kids need if they miss me, But it's like they might miss you, and guess what, that's also a normal part of being a human. You miss people, they will
be okay. You build their resilience. They know that you're coming back, Like that's a part of the process as well, and they're fine without you, Like I remember at one point for both of us were like, asked our husbands. I don't know, they just seem so fine without us, Like do they even miss me? Yeah, so it's like, oh the fine. I was like, I think that's a good thing. Yeah.
I was a little bit.
Cup Then I was like, of course they're fine. He's present, they're having fun with him, they're fed, they're clean, they're doing their thing. They're fine, And that's really cool.
I know. And I think we can just get so in our own head that if we stop the world's going to end. Like you just get so dramatic, like no, but I need to make dinner, but I need to do this. It's like if you make dinner ten minutes later, yes, what is it actually going to change?
Or if you're washing sits or another couple of days, it's fine, No, take the time when you can get it. Yes.
Yeah.
So true. It's interesting though when you reflect back on like this whole alone thing, because I feel like I enjoy it more and more as I get old and older. And I was thinking back to my younger self, and I hated being alone when I was younger, hated it. I just felt so unsafe I felt unsafe in my body, I felt unsafe in my environments. I just I never wanted to be alone. I was always that kid that
was always at friend's houses. I always had a million friends around, always wanted a boyfriend, Like I could just never be alone. Like I look at eighteen year olds like go on solo trips around the world and over to Europe. I'm like, I would never have done that by myself. Like I always needed someone, and I felt like I grew a lot of codependence on my partners and my friends. But these days it's like I need that time alone. Otherwise I'm just same. I just feel
a bit more agitated and just regulated and flustered. Yeah, flustered, that's the word, because all my energy is going out to everyone else and all the things I need to do. But when you're by yourself, you can just think what do I need and I can just do that right now.
Yeah, and just more relaxation, hey, yeah, more relaxation. So me growing up, Yeah, my house was really busy. There was four of us girls together, so it was always loud, always noisy, and yeah, I mean I feel like as soon as I can remember, I've been trying to get alone time. I honestly, you know, just trying to tuck away. And I think for me personally a lot to like regulating my nervous system, being someone who can get quite anxious and can feel out of touch with you know that.
I think having that solo time is just so great for me, so good slowing myself down. And yeah, I feel like my life has honestly always been pretty chaotic, like just a lot of noise, a lot of stimulation, a lot of things.
That's what you're used to. So you actually probably felt safe in the noise because you don't know any different. And that's why I think too, because I was saying I felt safe in the noise and with company and people and being busy that when I've stopped now and going, it's almost like a little bit like uncomfortable.
It can be.
It can be can be, But once you push through that and then you experience being safe on your own, you're like, ah, this is actually really enjoyable. Yeah, now I want more of it.
Kurt is quite uncomfortable in his own how Steve go with like solo time.
No, he loves solo time, but I've noticed he will not sit in silence. So he always has to have music on, or there's the TV on, or he'll check his phone. I've noticed now that I pulled back from all of that. Yes, I'm like, God, do we always have to have noise? It's that much? Just nice to have music. I'm like, it is nice. But I'll notice he won't ever sit in silence. Yeah, when he goes to Burly Headland and has his lunch, he says he
just like looks at the or whatever. But I still reckon he has a spot with him.
I still you want to be a fly on the wall.
Yeah, I reckon he would still be worried that, like one of the team members needs him and he's not in the office.
Yeah.
So yeah, I don't think he's great at that. He's always doing something.
Kurt struggles a lot. He will go do things and he loves it. He's like, I whant he for a surf, I'm gonna go to the gym. But he is an extrovert as well. But yeah, he still really struggles. He loves solo time with me or with his friends.
Or with anyone else solo time.
No, he loves being like energy and being with people. But yeah, I've been pushing him a little bit more as well since coming back and be like just go upstairs and like even just I saidn't take your time having a shower. Yeah, just don't get up there and rush, like stay out there for twenty minutes and then come down like that is all it takes. Just like taking time.
He might look in the mirror and go, holy shit, haven't shaved my beard for two weeks, Like those little things that he actually realizes before it gets to the point when you know you have the time and space, Yeah, spend with yourself.
Steve's got it, going for long walks and like listening to a podcast once again, He's still listening to something. He's still taking information in. But he loves the nature walk listening to a podcast, so yeah, it's good solo time. He's very introverted, so he doesn't like big events. He doesn't like even like birthdays and stuff. He gets a bit like, oh, it's going to be quite energy draining for him, having a lot of conversation, being around a lot of noise, a lot of people. So he's very
introverted in that sense. I'm in the middle. I call myself an ambervert. I'm like, I can be extroverted around the right people, You'll see me really come out and like be loud and crazy and silly, and I can organize and be the leader and like make decisions. But then too much of people, I get trained, like I do need my solo time as well. It's like in between, do you get.
Tired, Like do you get say, if you're around energies, do you walk home and be like, oh, I need to like chill out like you feel.
Yeah, And that's what ambivert is. If I'm around the right people who won't drain me, it's like my close friends and stuff like no.
Energies affect me so hugely. Even if I'm like with my kids though all day, I'm like I just need like, oh kids, Yeah, I feel that too, even home with Kurt, Like, yeah, I don't know, I love everyone and I love it.
It makes sense, but yeah, yeah, I don't think I get enough of Steve to ever feel like that.
Kurt is honestly like he's always like what are you doing? Like he just me throughout the day all the time.
I'm that to Steve.
You we are each other.
I called you Steve yesterday, I said him last night, and my biggest pain in your ask because when I called you yesterday you look like because I facetimed him, I said, you look like you did not want to see me. He's like, Babe, you called at twelve oh three. I've launched one of our biggest end of financial new sales of the year at twelve o'clock. Oh my gosh.
So yeah, I don't really want to have a little catch up because the answers like yeah, babe, And I was like, oh, hello to you too, and I don't even know what I want to probably just want to chat. I was just like, wow, you seem really annoyed. He's like, I'm just juggling a few balls here that so I'm Kurt. I'm like funny or even just like prance into his office and be like, yo, what's up, just to like I don't be silly, and he's always like, we're king.
Isn't it a nice balance in a relationship. I feel like the you and Kurt pull us out a bit more and get us, you know, like doing a bit.
More, and also annoy you guys.
Probably it's really nice. And court annoys me, yes, not like a bad way girl.
I need to do.
The other day was in the shower and the first time Kirk came up, I was like, oh hey, babe, like this is nice, and I was like, okay, now I'm trying to relax. I like my nice relaxation music playing comes up again and I'm.
Like, okay, count a third time, and I turn it to him and go, babe, just wait till I come downstairs, Like just give me a minute, Like it's nice going to come up and have a look, or you want to like have a little a lot of It's like, just give me a chance to actually, like chill a look.
Honestly, he's that shower.
I can see him doing that.
It's so funny, such a curt thing.
Oh my god, mean him so simple, and I'll be like you are so I don't feel like with my kids, I get like that, like if I'm with them, save when Steve went to Japan, I had like ten days without him. Times. Yes, I need my time, but yeah, I don't get enough of Steve to get like that. But I totally hear what you're saying for sure.
Yeah, yeah, love and appreciate the time. It's just what I say to Curt All the time, like it's nothing against you, everything with me. I need the grounding.
Yes, yeah, it's definitely all within.
I know Eden is maybe not in touch for everyone listening to our podcast right now, but.
If it is, you should go. It's amazing.
But if it's out of reach, once a month, walk out a day just to have a day where you're not rushing and you have nothing on to just be and just like do whatever you fancy on that day, whether that be like do a little bit of painting, or do this or do that. Even tagged team with your hobby on a Sunday, Yes, take a few hours. That's so nice, And just to get that time away
from the noise. There's just so much going on sometimes in our homes to either get them out or to like I love when I have the house on my own, so nice. Yeah, it's beautiful.
I honestly don't get that often. But on a Thursday, when Targs at school, when Steams at the office and I'm with Taal and she goes for her lunchtime nap, I feel like a prance around like a fairy. I'm like, oh my gosh, the options endless what I want to do. I just feel so peaceful, got this beautiful big backyard by the pool. Are lay on the couch to have.
A read like it's so lap up the naptime, lap it out girl friend two hours, it's amazing. Oh that's gosh, I miss snapped.
Be a sad time this. Yeah, you're right. It's like you book in your appointments. You book in you know, you work meetings, you book in everything else. Why don't you book in a day or just a time the weekends. I feel like it's really nice to tag teams Steve when I do that often, whether it go for a massage or on a Sunday, I'll go for a nature walk. Then he'll go for a nature walk, and there's no time them how long we need to be Just take me time, you go for your walk, do what you
got to do, and then we come back. It's so nice and then both our cups are filled up. We feel regulated and calm from being a nature and having our own time. And then were the best parents of the kids.
Yeah, one hundreds.
If we don't get that time, yeah, set you up nice.
For the week too. To do it on a Sunday and then the next day, you know is Monday and Sunday, Arbo's a little bit busy again. We need to start making school lunches and making sure everything's ready for school the next day. But if you can do that on a Sunday, yeah, just set you up.
Thanks so much for listening, guys, Hope you enjoyed it. A nice short little reminder just to check in and yeah, ask yourself those questions we asked at the start, like do you spend time alone? Do you want to? If not?
Why?
I think that some people get scared to be alone because when you're alone, your thoughts come up. Yeah, your feelings come up, and that can be uncomfortable and scary because then you've got to deal with them. I kept busy for so long with people with things, with hustling with work because I didn't want to sit in those feelings. Wasn't ready to tackle them. I wasn't ready to do that work. But to do that work, you do need to carve out time. I'mc need time to process and
reflect and reconnect with yourself. That's why I didn't like it, because I just as soon as I sat still, I would think about my past. I would think about what's wrong in my life, what's not working and all the self down, just all the negative stuff. I just didn't want to deal with it, so I kept being busy. So if you don't enjoy your own time, maybe that's something to think about too, Like why what am I
running away? What are you running away from? And like numbing out with whether it's being busy on social media, I'll be busy with your friends or eating so true, whatever it is something really important to check in with and just try it. Just spend five minutes tomorrow out the sun just see how nice that can be, and then extend it out to fifteen minutes of you know whatever. Yeah, and then take an hour tagg him with your partner on the weekend.
That five minutes out in the sunshine, Oh, just wonder, it's beautiful.
And then step it up. Book a day, book a night.
Away, a day once a month sounds really reasonable, I think. So. I'm like, I feel like we could all try to prioritize.
Yeah, I think so done, deal lock it in. Yeah, thanks for joining guys, We'll talk to you soon.
Bye,