Apodiae production.
We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the land on which we gathered today and pay our respects to their elders past and present. We extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara. This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level up together.
Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, com find the lessons to grow and glow. Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow, and we're here to be your expander. Hello guy, Hello, welcome back to another week of goo and Loo. Yeah, you're going a Share of the week. Do you want to go first? Sure? So my share of the Week.
I actually wasn't intending to share, but I was talking to Actually about this on the drive up here and she was like, you need to share that.
So I thought, all, it's perfecting share for the Share of the week because so many of our audiences are mums. Yes, definitely.
So I don't know if you guys remember how I went through that phase with Reagan and I was explaining to ask how she's finally gotten out of this phase now. But every time I would like discipline her, she would laugh at me and I'll be like, no, Reagan. And we went through this whole battle with it. Anyway, She's coming out the other end, and now I'll be like, real girl, that's not nice. And she just turns to water and starts crying. And I said to Ash, she was like, I find it so much easier now she
actually understands and comprehends what she's doing. But I said to her, what I do is say if she hits or hurts Miller or Lincoln, I actually walk over to Miller or Lincoln and I give them.
All of my attention.
So rather than turning and facing Reagan first or saying anything to her, I walk directly to Miller, and wherever she's been hit or hurt, I rub and I kiss and I'm like, oh.
My gosh, Miller, baby, I'm so sorry. Are you feeling okay? I was like, that hurts when people hit you, doesn't it.
Miller and Reagan, what they're wanting in that moment is your attention. I reckon most of the time when they're lashing out like that, And then Reagan starts to cry and then she comes up and she's like.
Oh, I'm sorry Miller.
She was like, Wow, it's such a cool idea to actually go to the one who's been hurt, rather than going directly to Reagan and saying Reagan, like, you know, it's not nice, we don't hit first, go to the person mirror. I guess as well, yeah, how you want them to react and respond, and then go to read like and what I say to her is, how can you do that differently last time? I know you're feeling frustrated.
Maybe you can come ask mummy for help. Yeah, you know, ask Miller nicely, rather than whacking her in the head and saying help me.
And I was saying, because Tyler's too so when she does something that's not nice and I try to explain that to her, she you just cris and screams. So then I'm spending the next like, you know, five ten minutes trying to coregulate and co see with her. Meanwhile, Taj is what sitting on the couch. He's been hurt. Safety's not there, He's just sitting by himself while I'm comforting her. But he's the one that got hurt. He's the one that got hurt. So when you said that,
I was like, wow, I definitely should be. I feel like attending to taj first, but I just think in my head, I'm like, he's older, like he understands. She doesn't understand, so I go to her more. But I'm like, it would be a good way to show her, like, no, that's hurt Taje. You look how sad he is and he needs a cuddle, and then come back to her. I think it's a really good idea. I saw it somewhere one day.
It's probably one of those pages on Instagram, you know that, And yeah, soon I saw it, I was like, wow, yeah, I'm going to.
Do way to handle it. Yeah, mine is something that I saw. It must have been a parenting page. But it's good old Brene Brown. I feel like it's in our parenting pages. I know, it's like my whole feed anything Brene Brown says. I'm just like, mic Job, you are amazing. I think she is such an incredible woman.
One of the things that we talk a lot about in our family with our kids, starting probably in third or fourth grade, when friendship stuff starts getting dicey, is candle blower outers and This is a big lesson that we teach our kids. We always say, you know, you've got this flame, and this is your spirit, and this is your soul, and this is your light. And sometimes it'll shine really, really bright. And you want to surround yourself with people who, when it's shining bright, think wow,
what a beautiful light. And you want to be the type of friend that when people's lights.
You know, when your.
Friend's light is shining, you say, man, that's a great light. And you want friends who protect your light. We don't want to surround ourselves with candle blower outers. How many of you have had that experience. We want someone who has room in their life for our light, because our light comes with us.
So beautiful, right, beautiful. You want to be around people that celebrate your light and say, wow, that's a beautiful light, rather than try and blow you out and put you down and park you to the side, or tell you you know, your light's not good enough. So cool, What a cool concept. It's a really cool way to explain to the kids. Yeah, keep your light and your fire going, don't ever let anyone blow you out. So cool, So cool.
I love Brown, Yeah, I love her too. Well, today's episode is a Q and A based around Baseline and my surgery. Because after I put that episode out, it got more downloads than I think any other episode we've had, and my DM's been flighting. We put it into the forum and there's just a lot of other things to unpack around it, I suppose. So if you haven't listened to that episode, it's titled I Think Brain Surgery and closing down Bassline, listen to that one first and then
come back and listen to this one. But we've got a list of questions that Kiara is gonna ask me. There's a couple of kyr at the end as well, so we're just gonna have a little chat about it all.
Yeah, So first question is what's it been like not having Baseline.
Oh, it's been amazing. Yes, it's been so nice. I do miss parts of it, Like I missed the design aspect, I missed the fittings, I miss the creativity of the photo shoots and like that was really fun. But like I said in that other episode, it's like twenty percent of it. I do not miss majority of it, and just the mental load, Like it's honestly what I thought about from the moment I woke up being all day at work, night time, when the kids went to bed,
I just never stopped on the weekend. I was always just thinking about, like selling these clothes, and there was so much pressure on me too, because I had to support a team, and like you've got bills to pay and you're aways thinking ahead, Like honestly, my mental lobe was just too much so to not have that. I feel so much freer. I feel so much more relaxed, I feel so much more feminine. I'm so much more in touch with my emotions. I'm so much more calmer
with my kids. I have so much more capacity and energy for them and for Steve, and which is a big reason why I close it down, because they are what's important to me. I was like, my values are not matching up how I'm living. I value health, freedom, time, my family, and Baseline's not giving me any of that. Why am I doing this so to be able to actually feel that now, it's really beautiful, that's so yeah, I kept.
Saying to Ashi when she was like making this decision, and once you became really like okay with it, when you're like, no, I'm so ready, I was like just imagine your life in like six months from now, a year from now.
Different it's going to be. And it's so exciting. It's so exciting and it's crazy. Like I walked in a girlfriend, na Dean's house and her and Tara were there, one of her girlfriends, and they were just like, there's just something different about you. It's like this whole energy. And Nadine's known me since I was fifteen, and so we've got a long standing friendship. She's been there through all the ups and downs, and she's like, I've just never
seen you so relaxed, Like it's like this energy. It's just like it's cool. I'm really excited for this next ashy and that's how I feel. And I know it's only going to get better and better. So it's very exciting. Yeap.
What we always say like, once you've become aware, you haven't become unaware, and now you're like on this road, you're on.
Your feels so right.
Yeah, Yeah, what's been one of the biggest things you've learned about yourself?
How much I had a masculine shield protecting me, and how much working hard and achieving and proving and hustling was my coping mechanism to keep busy and not feel. And I think to a certain degree, I've allowed my self to feel and heal and get help on everything. But there's a certain level and point that you get to of like feeling that safety in your own body and feeling that sense of calm and really trusting. But when you're so busy all the time, you just can't
access that kind of energy. You're in fight or flight, you're constantly on. Like, I've just learned how much I didn't allow myself to rest, and even now I have naps most days on the weekends when Tyler sleeps. I've told myself I'm not a napper, but I'm so exhausted, like I'm just allowing myself to rest, and just how much my body's needed this. There's been so many cool lessons, but yeah, I definitely think from not having a healthy
masculine role model growing up. I put a masculine like shield and mask on because I was like, I don't need a man. I can do this by myself. I have to do this by myself. I've got to protect myself. I've got to stand on my own feet. I'm never gonna rely on anyone, and that just doesn't feel good for a feminine at her core. Still at the very beginning of my journey, but learning how to soften has been really cool.
How cool, though, to be at the beginning of a new job.
I know, if I feel this good now, I can't imagine in six months time now. And I'm getting help for this. I've just hired a feminine coach, someone that embodies all of this. This is her niches, is her passion. She's lived, breathed, and gone through this herself, and I was so drawn to her. So I'm really excited to have her support through navigating this. Because I was talking to Megsy about it. How like you catch yourself going back into old patterns, You're like, oh, hang on, hang on.
Like even cleaning yesterday, I had a beautiful day with the kids and then they were just playing and I wanted to, like clean my whole house. I love a clean environment. I stopped myself. I was like, are you doing this because you think you need to be busy and allowed to rest or? Are you doing this because you genuinely want a clean house? And I was like, no, I genuinely, like I have the energy and I feel
like I just want to clean up my environment. But I think I've caught myself just like if I sit down and relax, Oh, I've got to do this, I've got to edit this, I've got to always on, there's always a to do list, and now I'm just like letting go more. And even how Nanny called in sick yesterday, and normally that would send me an aspiral, like it would put my work really far behind, especially when you've got a team to show up for, but without base on,
I was like, ah, it's okay. Mainly if I can record those podcasts another time, I can have my meeting with my manager another day, and I get to have another day with my kids. And I just went with the flow, and it was so beautiful and so connecting, and there wasn't that pressure of having to show up and go on socials all day barely on my phone.
It was so nice I can do that now, whereas yeah, back if we didn't have someone to watch the kids, and I'd be on my phone all day trying to keep up with the stuff and like what was going on at that point in time, And it just felt like I was giving everyone ten percent and I felt so shit. So that's been really cool. That's really cool.
How does your work slash home life look and feel now?
I feel like I'm still working, because I think a lot of people thought that once I closed down base on it just like not doing anything. But it's not like that. I actually have my toes dipped in quite a few different things. And I've always said this in the big episode too, but I've always wanted to help more with Hideaway, but I haven't had the capacity. My bandwidth was so stretched. It was like if Steve asked me to do something, I'm like, babe, I can't, Like,
when am I going to do that? Whereas now I've been able to get on the creative side of things with Hideaway, all the marketing, the social media, the stuff that really lights me up and gets me in that really playful because feminine women were quite creative, but I felt like I lost a lot of that whilst running the business because it was so masculine. But now I get to be so feminine and playful and silly and fun and bring that into the work that really benefits
a business. It's really helping our business. So I've been doing a lot of that and putting more time into thinking about grow and glow. But otherwise just more time with the kids and like more cooking and more cleaning and more nurturing my house, like my home and Steve and just I'm so much calmer with the kids. I'm so much calmer for them. I have more space for them, I've got more capacity. My tone has changed so much
with how I speak to them. Not that it was ever really bad, but definitely if I was stretched, tired, or work was on my mind, which was you know, so often, I just felt like I was a bit more shorter with them, and little things would irritate me more because I was just stretched. Whereas now like I just flow more with them, and I've got just yeah, more space with them, which is so nice. They would feel that, They would definitely feel that. You definitely seem
a lot more well regulated. So well regulated, Like you asked me this morning how I'm feeling about surgery, Like everyone keeps asking me, expecting me to be like so stressed, and I almost like I keep saying, I'm waiting for the anxiety to kick in, Like you guys are listening to this on Monday, Like I go into hospital this Wednesday. You can see I feel so calm. Yeah, I feel so good. I had to go to the hospital last week for like four hour appointment. They checked my heart,
they checked my bloods. I spoke to the ansthesius person. I don't know if that's what you call them, the person that knocks you out. I got a full body check from a doctor. They asked a hundred million questions, and even that I just was like, I don't know. Just feel so trusting and I know that everything's just been so flowy and perfect and beautiful. So I just, yeah, I do feel really regulated. I think I'm tired. I feel like I manage stress very well, but my body
still feels it. So I feel tired just from going through all of this. It's been a lot. Yeah, but I feel calm about it, and I just fully trust this is exactly my path. If I did not lose my sight, and if I did not find out I had a brain aneurism, would all of this be happening right now. I would have kept pushing. I would have kept pushing. There's no way I would have even considered that as an option. And how long have I been pushing for feeling like that probably a lot longer than
what I want to admit, if I'm being completely honest. Yeah, I feel bad saying that because I had a team and like I did love parts of it, but I think I've been pushing for way longer than I would want to admit.
What are the risks involved with you getting your surgery or not getting surgery?
So the risks of not getting surgery is kind of walking around like a ticking time bomb at any point of time, and aneurism can burst. If it does, it's likely that you will die or you will stroke, and they're huge things. You could have just permanent brain damage. Your body does not function how I'm used to, so they're pretty scary things. So that's why they put it
to me. When I went the second time they suggested surgery, I was like, but it's not big and like, you know, last time, you guys pretty much said I'll come back ever read once a year and just get it checked. And I was kind of shocked, and they said, just think of this like it's preventing that from happening if we can do something about it. And yes, yours is small earth than some, but it's big enough that it can still rupture, so why would you risk that going
into surgery. There is still risks though. It's like one to two people in every hundred stroke on the table and one to two people on the table have a rupture on the table. But she said, if it's going to happen, you want it happening on the table because I'm right here, so I can prevent or lessen the damage that potentially could happen to you. Whereas if you're out shopping or at training and you have a bleed by the time you get to the hospital, it could
be too late. The damage on your brain could be too far gone. So it's more risking not to get the surgery, Yes, especially when you've got so much more of your life to live. Yeah, like I'm only thirty five and I have two kids. But yeah, that's definitely the scariest thing about going in this week to surgery is like that thought of like I could wake up and I could have had a stroke, and I might not have access to be able to use my left arm and leg how I've always used it. I could
wake up and have brain damage if it's bled. I don't know, like that is a possibility, So that's the scariest thing, is like, and Steve's been through this, so he said he remembers waking up. He was way more complicated than mine. He couldn't see for six weeks, so he woke up and he's just basically blind and every day he's waking up checking if he can see, and he can't see. So it's just six weeks is a long time as well to imagine, so might not just be waking up in like did everything go to plan?
Like?
Am I okay? That will be my first question? And then they said the day that I get surgery, I mean, ic you of twenty four hours, I have a nurse with me the whole time, and they wake you up every hour to like do test to make sure that your brain's working. And Steve's like, I remember that. So that would just be yeah, nerve racking, I suppose. But then once I get home, I think I'll be like cool, I'm all good, and then I just have to rest for a couple of weeks.
What were your weaknesses with running a business now? Reflecting back.
Many I'm not good with finances. I'm not I hate it. I'm not good at it. It overwhelms me, I almost like just like turn a blind eye to it. Even with LEVI I would like try and explain things to me. I'm like, as long as you've got it covered, I really don't care. I don't want to not numbers, like it's not my driver. But when you run a business, you can't avoid that. You have to be involved in it. You have to understand it. I don't think I'm the
greatest team leader really no, especially watching Steve. I'm too friendly and to buddy buddy and like fit around everyone else's schedule and like very flexible, which is great and I don't regret that, but it's almost like, where's the boundaries.
I didn't set boundaries, and sometimes I think I felt a little bit taken advantage of, or just different situations which I won't go into because they're personal, but different situations where I'm like, whoa, if this was any other normal job, or I'd be like relaying the story to like you or Nadina or someone. They're like that doesn't fucking happen in a real job. You can't just not turn up or you can't just not do this. You know,
there's just different situations. I was like, no, it's okay, Like I get it, but then the stress would be on me. So I just feel like I wasn't very good at separating friendship with work and worrying the different hats because I wanted to be liked, I wanted to be accepted. I wanted them to think I was a cool boss. I wanted them to love every moment at work. I really found that hard, where Steve was like, just you can't be that friendly like that, they're to do
a job, blah blah. I know, but that's easy for a man to say. Like women, we connect, we talk. I genuinely care about these women. I want to know about their weekends. I want to know what's happening in their lives. I want them to be happy. I want to support them with their kids. I want to, you know, do all those things. But I think it, Yeah, it was just hard to manage, to be honest, I just don't think I was very good at And I watch how Steve manages his hideaway team, and he's so fucking
good at it. Yeah, he's friends with them all and they all love and respect him, and they've got such great culture. Respect. That's a word too. When it gets too friendly.
Sometimes it can blur the line of like respectfulness to your.
Boss and you. And I think I noticed differently how they'd be around me compared to Stephen Levi. I was like their buddy that they felt so comfortable with, and it was just like a different energy. And I was like, this is my fault. Though I've set this up, so take full responsibility, but I'm just not very good at it. I'm not good at it, never have been. Yeah, I don't know how to draw those lines and put boundaries
in so that was a massive weakness. When you can reflect back sometimes hey, I know, and I take full responsibility. This is not on my team, not at all. They were incredible staff members. They worked so fucking hard for the brand. And I'm talking like this isn't just the most recent period. Like remember I've been in business for fifteen years. My closest friends worked with me. I can't separate that, like I've been close with majority of them. Like it's such a hard thing. So this is not
just speaking of recent staff members. This has gone on for the last fifteen years, and it's something Steve's always commented on.
Aside from exercise, will you be changing up your health routine after surgery at all.
Yeah, So I got all my blood's done with Levi, and I'm going through a big process with him, and he wants to do a lot of actual genetic testing. I think my brain aneurysm is hereditary and there's obviously genetic weaknesses, and because all the people on my father's side have either died from my aneurysm or they've got one and it's being monitored, so it's obviously runs my family. So he wants to actually put me on some supplements that will help strengthen my capillaries and my blood flow.
We need to do some further testing on that. He wants to just investigate my genetic weaknesses more in depth. And I'm so lucky I've got him to be able to go thro because I wouldn't have a clue how to do any of this, and he's, you know, so supportive and wants to do that with me. So Yeah, there'll be different supplements that will probably take the rest of my life that will help hopefully lessen my chances
of another aneurysm forming. Amazing because they have told me that it's quite likely another one will form by the time I die, okay, So Levi's like, let's do everything we can to stop that. Sorry, as exercise, exercise is good for me, I don't think that's something I will ever not do. And I eat a really well balanced diet,
so nothing else will really change. But as I'm entering this softer season, I just think the more resting and not being hustling and going and stressing all the time, I think naturally I'm just going to feel more calmer and healthier. And even like this last couple of months, I feel like I'm definitely more inflamed. My skin's broken out, my skin's more oily. I definitely feel my digestic system isn't the best at the moment, and I really do put it down to stress, like stress is just like
a killer. Yeah. And like I said, I'm feel regulated, but my body is showing symptoms of just like yeah, inflammation, And I'm not allowed to take any of my supplements at the moment either, can't take tumeric, magnesium, zinc all my stuftimes to stop it three weeks up to it, which is huge for me. I've taken supplements all the time, so I just don't feel as good. So I'm looking forward to after surgery obviously being put to sleep and like antibiotics and anything that put me on, my gut's
going to be completely torn to shreds. So I'm gonna have to start a whole like gut protocol, do a full course of probotic, lots of broths out glued. Am I just really trying to rebuild my gut lining and even leave I setup to surgery, which I would have naturally done anyway as well. Was like broth soups, just things that are really easily broken down in your system. So no like red meats or anything. Slow cook stuff would be really good just so your body doesn't have
to work to digest it. You want to kind of give your stomach a lot of rest time. So quite a process after that. Yeah, okay till I'm feeling good again.
Do you know how long you'll be unable to exercise for and how will you navigate that given it's so important to you.
So I will probably be having four weeks in total off and then easing back in with like walking and then just lightweights and build myself up after that, And I'm okay with that. I think rest is not spoken about enough, especially after surgery. I'm not going to go be silly and go lift weights or go for a run or anything.
Like.
My body needs the rest to recover, So I'm excited for the rest time, to be honest, and I feel like I'm not going to feel any guilt about it. Like I can't wait to lay around the house and just not have anything to do. It's what my mind and body needs. Lap it up while you actually have. Yeah, this whole thing, I think the universe was like shaking me up to force me to slow down. And it's got to the point that I didn't listen to all the signs and signals and messages. Then now it's forced
me to do it through surgery. I'm not going to ignore that anymore. No, I will listen to all the symptoms my body gives me and know that they're there for a purpose.
So, yeah, how did you explain the surgery to Taj and how has he reacted to it?
Taj is very emotionally intelligent, Like we even had a meeting with his teacher at the end of term last term and she said he's just well beyond his years the way he can articulate his emotions. So I just spoke to him like I would you. Yeah, I fully explained it, and he's like, I'm going to miss you when you're in hospital. A couple of little comments like that, but overall he's pretty good about it. We will need
to get the kids checked. That's tricky because I was trying to explain the MRI machine and he was like, I'm not going in there. So that's going to be tricky to navigate. Obviously, you can sedate your kids and give them things to calm them down, but I just don't want it it to be a traumatic experience in case like he's going to have to have these later on in life. So I'm not sure how ill navigate that. There maybe have to be some sort of bribery.
Yeah.
I don't use it often, but if you do this, I will buy you whatever nerve gud you want, honestly, So I think we'll use some bribery just to make it a fun, exciting experience incentive. Yeah, he loves staying in high rise buildings, and maybe we'll say, if we do this, we'll go to have a night, you know, at Q one or whatever. So I think if we make it fun for him. I think that will be the way to get through it. And then I'm not sure about Tyler. It's just so little. But yeah, we
definitely need to get them checked. Both Steve and I are having them. Steve's my hereditary. He hasn't had any in his family, but mine is Steve's just because you both have, the likelihood is pretty high.
Yeah, so you get them checked now, right, and then it need to be consistent thing because they can just form at anytime.
So I'll get checked three months post surgery, six months post surgery, twelve months post surgery, and then every year after that, yeah, the rest.
Of me, and then the same for the kids. Right, Like if they got checked there, maybe in a couple of years.
If they get checked and there's nothing there, I think it'll be like every five years. Yeah it won't.
Yeah, do you feel already more feminine or how is that journey going?
So much? So? But I also feel like I'm just at the start, Like I definitely feel so much more. But when I listen to podcasts or like talk about these conversations with my girlfriends, I'm like far out of it. A long way to go, but I'm really excited for that that used to be quite daunting for me. But I just feel like I'm like just scratching the service
at the moment and still learning about it all. And that's why I've hired a coach, Like I've invested in, like paying a lot of money to have a coach, because I'm like, I want to really understand all of this and then really embody it and have the accountability of someone like being there to do it with me, because it's one thing to understand it, but are you're actually practicing it? This is going to take a lot
of conscious practice. This is something I'm implementing every single day from the way I moved, the way I talk. Even yes Iday grocery shopping and I find myself like rushing around like getting it all done. I was like, oh, girl, just take a breath. If I can love grocery shopping, why am I rushing this. There's no need to rush
through the aisles. I like looking at all the products and just taking my sweet ass time, especially with no kids with kids, so just like court myself, I'm so used to rushing and getting as much done in my day as I can. I was like, no, then take my time. Yeah, even at the Place Center. Yes, they took the kids at the Place Center. God, that place is overwhelming the same breath. I was like, who cares. Just go with it. You've got nowhere to be. There's
no rush. They want to play over here, they want to stop for a snack. Cool where was Normally I'd be like, hey, we've got forty five minutes, we're getting out, We're getting this done. You know. I'm just trying to really slow everything down. And the more I do that, the calm I feel, The more in tune I feel with myself, more nurturing I am to them, and more creative.
I am so creative and hideaway now, and like even just my content, I'm loving creating cool content that's so authentic to me, whereas I think I was creating it before. With I had to think about selling a product. I had to sell baselines, so I had to base my content around my brand, and yeah, that was fun, It's not bad. But now my content is just literally what I'm feeling, whether it's something funny with Steve, whether it's like cute moments with my kids. There's no pressure anymore.
Like what you see is exactly what I'm going through. And this just feels so nice. Yeah, So definitely flowing a lot more. But I can't wait to have this conversation six months. It's time and to just yeah see where I'm at. Yeah, it's exciting.
I even feel like, you know, sometimes we talk about like reflecting back on old episodes. Yeah, Like I feel like, especially this journey, how we're both kind of like really slowing down. We'll be looking back on time and be like, wow, girl, take a chill.
But I feel like you and I even talking slower. You go back a year ago, people used to think we were on fast forward, Like we talk so fast and we get excited, and I think we'll always have moments like that, but I think overall runs. Yeah, you guys will hear that we've just slowed down how we talk, and that just feels nicer because it's Yeah, it's a more calming energy too. Yeah. The empowered feminine. She is soft, she's flowing, she's surrendering, she's open, she's magnetic. It's not forced,
it's not structured, it's not rushing. It's the opposite of that. And it's so cool to embody more of that. But it takes practice, definitely, Yeah, do.
You have any advice for people navigating a similar health situation.
I've actually been asked this a lot, and a lot of people are going through similar and just like an anxious wreck. They're so scared, and I get it. It is so scary, but I don't know. It sounds so simple. I truly just do have this inner trusting and knowing that it's going to work out exactly how it's meant to.
And I think when you try and force things to be a certain way, or you're expecting or hoping, or like you're just manifesting, creating so much more stress, you're almost putting yourself through something twice, putting yourself through something that isn't even your reality yet. Like I'm not going to put myself and put my energy, put my body through that that it might not even happen. Just trust it, go with the flow. And yes, I'm still scared, but I don't know. I just really know this is my
path and I'm also really grateful for it. If I didn't know this, it could rupture tomorrow and I might not be here. And there's also so many people that have so much worse off things, like I'm grateful I get to have surgery for an hour or two, go home after three nights, and some people on the hospital for six months. I can do this. This isn't what a lot of people have to go through like this seems small in comparison. I don't know if that's healthy
or not. But I've always coped well with going through hard at times, knowing that it could be so much worse. It helps bring gratitude into your situation rather than going in the spiral of victim. It really does. Yeah, yeah, Do.
You think you would still have made the decision to close Baseline if you didn't have a health scare?
Oh, I've toyed on this. I don't know. I don't think so so bad to say, isn't it. I don't want to label it, but I think I would have kept pushing. Like I said in that big episode, it's like, never give up. Be tough times, but you gotta keep going. You got responsibilities, Like you know, this is just part of business. It's not always going to be good. Could take the good with the bad. They're the kind of things that I would say to myself. It would have taken a lot to do it, and it would have
been way more. I don't know, harder and painful. I felt like this was just the universe kind of sending you on your path. Yeah. Yeah, like even when I owned the gym, I kept that two years longer than what I should have. My ego kept me there. Yeah, but I don't know, do you reckon I would have. I'm not sure from the outside. I wasn't enjoying it for a while.
I think you might have eventually, but I think he would have rain yourself to the ground before you did.
I was exhausted. You were exhausted, and I was hating it and I felt so stark. Yeah, but I just kept powering on. I noticed myself like just I don't know, trying to numb out like I would scroll more. I was eating more, keeping more busy because I just didn't want to stop and think about it. I wasn't coping.
Yeah, life had your back, Life had my back, that's for sure. It's crazy, hey, and like, it's such a not great situation to obviously be in. But the amount it's already transformed your life and it hasn't even happened yet. I know, nothing actually physically changing your body.
What a gift. I know, how crazy is that. You know what would have been really stressful is having to go through the surgery and then come back to the business like I just oh, I don't. I don't have the capacity for that. I wouldn't have even been able to rest in recover. I would have been so much more stress this whole time. Sometimes you have to let go of something to create the space. Something had to give, Something had to give. I couldn't imagine going to the
surgery while still running back. No imagine either. It's a huge business too, like to come out of that Nahn, that would not have been nice.
And even like you said, the lead up beforehand, being in that sort of mental state and having nowhere near the amount of calm energy that you have right now.
I would have been so anxious. I reckon that'd be a completely different energy. That's been the gift in it.
Hey, yeah, will you continue to do the ultimate girl's day out or will you take a step back from that?
Definitely continue to do those. We love them, and anyone that's been you would see that. Like Levi and I are such a good team. But he is the masculine, I'm the feminine. He leads, Yeah, he really does run a lot of that day. I'm there for all of it, but he's more like the leader in it. I'm more the nurturer. I'm the one that goes around and like talks to all the girls and holds them and cuddles them, and like I'm that person for them on that day,
which is just so beautiful. Lights me up. Like those days literally are seventeen hour days for us. By the time we get up, go and set up, by the time the girls go home and we pack it all down, it's a seventeen hour day on our feet, energy out and I go home and I'm full of beans. Yeah, that's how you know what you're doing. Your love is right, so aligned, so well aligned. And the contrast of that to baseline once again, it was like, this is not
serving me anymore. Does not light me up with something like this. I'm like, oh, same with this. I don't know if you've noticed, but when we have guests on or people ask like how many episodes we do and we're like, oh, we do, you know, six on the Thursday and on the Friday, Oh my god, Like do you that many? Yeah? And I look at them like yeah, but we're just chatting we're two best friends. We have conversation.
It's beautiful, such a beautiful It is not training. If it was training, we would not we wouldn't be still doing it.
It wouldn't be able to do that many of its training.
Yeah, no way worries. When I used to run my own podcast and do one guest by myself, I was wiped. Yeah, so drained from like setting up the podcast and like making sure the sounds all good to the Nah no wonder only did like twenty something episodes. I just hated it. Yeah, and that's when when I came to you, like, see if you want to do this podcast with me, I was like, I don't want to do any of the logistics, Like that takes away all the fun, all the good energy,
all the creativity. It just wipes it from me. But yeah, the Ultimate Girl's day Out, like I just love them. We actually want to do some different style retreats next year, some that involve the kids as well, So we've got some cool ideas. But the Ultimate Girl's Day Out will be staying live. I wants to change the name though, Oh really, yeah, I don't know. He just doesn't like
the name The Ultimate Girl's Day out. I think it just encompasses everything that it is and it is the ultimate so much girls day out, Like yeah, and I was like, I'm open to it, but I don't know what he'd call it.
It'd be interested to see what he changes it. I know a name that embodies it all.
I would also love to work with some more men. I think men need some more healthy, soft feminine energy, and I would love to be holding space for men as they go through a transformative day like the ultimate girl's day out. Yes, I don't know how that looks right now. I just sent ly by a bunch of waste messages one day and I was like, I don't know how this looks and feels to you, but I'm feeling this pool of wanting to work and hold space for men out. I don't know what it is. I
just really love me more now. Men need more support. The more support they can get, you know. Yeah, And it's healthy for us to be around healthy masculine but it's also really beautiful for them to be around soft feminine because that's when they open up, when they release and may be vulnerable. I just think that's so beautiful. So I don't know what we'll do with it. But I just said, I'm just throwing this out to you. Let's have a day where we get out of white
butt and explore different options. So yeah, I definitely want to lean more into do more retreats. That's so cool.
Yeah, exciting and yeah, just doing all the things that feel right. Yes, well aligned, light you up, aren't.
Raining of your energy, they're boosting that energy. And it's like when you close one door, you open up. I feel like five more.
Especially wanted to spass so much, Yeah, taking out so much peper.
Yeah. So, like as I said to Leve, I like, I'm not attached to anything, like whatever is meant to come fa us and I'm open to any ideas. If it feels right, let's lean in. If it doesn't feel right, yeah, yeah, So Ultimate Girl's out and next one is August eleventh in Brisbane. So's steal some tickets to that. If you want to come along, leave the link in the show notes below. But yeah, I'm excited for that.
Yeah, it's honestly such an incredible day.
Yeah.
Curious whether anything from the baseline closure episode sat with Kiara and will she implement anything similar or she ever considered a similar path around closing Love Ellis Rose. Well, I feel like you've probably noticed over the last three years, I've drastically changed the.
Way that I've actually done stuff with Love Ellis Row so much.
We I gave so much of my time and my effort and my energy into Love Ellis Rose. And really, as soon as I started on my healing journey, probably two years ago, it made me kind of realize what was important, and I've changed everything drastically. We used to have a shop that we ran. I was in there every single day. I did huge days. Kurt and I were up most nights, like with suppliers, had a whole garage full of stock, plus a shop full of stock, and it was great. It was fulfilling, it was amazing.
But when I started to do this work, I realized that, you know, I can't be working that hard and that much and also work on myself at the same time.
I just couldn't.
So over the years, I've drastically pulled back on what I've done with Love Els Rose, and now it's not a burden at all.
I love it.
It feels beautiful, it feels so well aligned. I just get to pick what stock that I like Kurtie and I shoot the photos. It's really flowy and really easy, and it feels really beautiful right now in this season. Kurt loves it. He loves every aspect of it. It's so funny. He loves photography. Yeah, he loves like doing all the website.
The like, Yeah, all the bits and pieces. I love this about your business because not many business like I did not have that in baseline. But if you want it to be busier, you can order more stock. And if you want it to be quiet, you don't order as much. You'll take it easy, like you literally have full control week to week on what you do. It's even fucking cool.
Yeah, even some weeks we won't even order stock. I'll be like, oh, let's just like, you know, if we had a you know, big sale or something okay for the next week or two, like we've just been working off our feet, let's take a step back. Kids are on holidays, let's not order any new stock. So yeah,
it's in a really good flexible spot right now. And I think, like Kurt and I go back and forth like, oh, it was so like nice, And especially Kurt, I think he's driven to do a little bit more with it, which I think he will probably lean back into, especially as the kids get a little bit older. But yeah, it feels really nice right now. There's no stress with it. It's beautiful, it's well aligned, and yeah, I think it's honestly,
it's just not a burden at all. Like it's not something where I'm like, oh my gosh, this is stressing me. I feel like, if anything, I go back and forth with YouTube, it takes up a lot of my time. Like what it always COMESU do for me is like, Okay, how much time does it take out of my week? Which for you baseline was huge as well. How does my energy feel afterwards? And I love filming when I've got the energy and the capacity. I don't love editing anymore.
I'm not learning like I've been doing editing now. Honestly, for like eight years before I were on YouTube, I used to do it for people. So I feel like I've learned as much as I want to learn. And now that I'm learning so much more about like self development all these other things, it's more aligned with me. So I'm not getting the same fulfillment out of it as I was. So I think eventually I'll just upload a youtubedeo when I want.
To upload it.
Yeah, but yeah, no, I think otherwise. I feel really good right now with where I'm at and what I'm doing, and I feel really lucky that I can kind of you know, ebb and flo out of what feels good overall compared to how it was like three years ago.
Holy shit, Like I look back, I Curt now up to midnight doing stuff.
We were like, yeah, it was crazy and like, yeah, we were making a lot of money, but sometimes it's.
Like is it worth at what cost? What cost? Yeah?
Yeah, and like even time for us to have quality time together and that like there was just no room for that. And now I feel like the balance is so much nicer.
Yeah, that's such a cool thing for you to talk about the money, because I think most people were like why would you not earn more?
Yeah?
And even like I've had it so much, like are you gonna sell Baseligne? Or like how can you just close it down? Like when that makes money that I'm like, at what costs? Though? What's more important? And just because I stopped making money in that business, does it not mean that I can make money elsewhere?
Yeah?
I've got my toes and other things, and I enjoy making money over here, and maybe I'll have more space to make more money over there, but that's not my driving force to keep your business because of money, No away. Yeah, and yeah, love Elis rose.
For a long time, it was everything, like I had to give it so much of my attention every single day, those constantly things that we had going on.
And yeah, more staff too. We had so much at one point.
Yeah, we had a lot going on. So we had like a designer, We had all this stuff overseas, like we were doing the whole.
Like I don't know how.
You did what you did for so long, because yeah, we only did that for quite a short period of time. And pretty quickly I was like, well I think too, because I went through all of my shit life.
Pushed it again.
It was like, no, girlfriend, doesn't feel good? And then yeah, I was kind of the same. I started just going, yh, that doesn't feel good anymore.
Yeah, it doesn't feel good anymore? Yes, so freaking cool. And do you want to talk about something else you do?
Oh yeah, i'mind dabbling into my coaching a little bit, which is nice. So only taking on you know, very small amounts of clients because obviously I don't want to overdo that capacity. And then also just doing little online workbooks and I eventually do courses as well.
Yeah, yeah, so cool. So people can book in sessions with you now, they sure can. That's so exciting.
Yeah, it feels good. And this is what I was saying to Ashley when I was like doing it all. I said, I'm just moving in a way now, like whatever feels aligned, just lean into and right now, I really do, like I love everything we do over here with Growing Glow. I'm doing another course at the moment, and yeah, just I love learning, I love healing, I love helping other people, and it's amazing that we even just get to be here.
All right, there's one more question.
Okay, what are both of your goals for Grow and Glow? Now? I remember there were hints about a new product in the works.
Any update? Who we have three new things coming out? Oh we do, but one is soon. Yeah. Yeah, this one's really cool because we've never seen anyone else do it. Like, even when we looked online, we could not find something like this. I reckon this one probably took us the longest to create. She did I'm really excited to do it myself. I know me too. Yeah, we won't give any hints away. I fore, let me do some fun cool clues we do, but this one's really cool, and
then we've got two more after that. There's definitely lots out there, but this is our own style and twist on it. Yeah, and it's going to be really beautiful as well. So yeah, three more coming out. We want to do a live event, yes, which would be really cool. There's no dates or anything, but our podcast producers want to help us organize that live podcast event.
That'd be so hard even meet with you guys in the flesh and.
Talk about I didn't even know what we talk about. I don't know either. I think we'd do like a Q and A at the end, but probably have a couple of different topics. Yeah, definitely, and that'd be so fun. Maybe collaborate with another podcast as well. But we'd love to meet you guys. And live events are so fun, like I love them. They make me so nervous in a good way.
Yeah, I think I'm going to feel a lot better because I'll have you with me. Yes, yeah, yea that we need these couches wherever we go. I feel like, yes, honestly, can we Yes, And I feel like I'm just in the studio.
Yeah, it would be so fun. I've been to a couple of live podcast events just like watching other people and it's just such a vibe it is, it's really cool. So we'd love to do that. And then our guests today that we interviewed, just like if you guys ever thought about doing a retreat? Yeah, no, but that could be cool.
Yeah, I mean there's been so many things that we've spoken about. There's so many things, and you know, the cool thing about this project is we always say like there's no.
Pressure, it's all pleasure to organize.
Like even this thing that's finally about to come here, we started organizing this ages ago and it's about to land in our lap. But it's because it's all you know, go at our own pace, the flow, and it's just so well aligned. So any opportunities just seem to pop up with which is really cool.
Really naturally like, And that's the question I asked myself, was like, is this coming from pressure or pleasure? And like based on was a lot of pressure and this is just so much pleasure. Yeah, it's so easy and flowing and organic, and there's no pressure on both of us. We both live in our lives, but just slots in and flows so nicely. So we're open to so many things. But yeah, what would you guys like to see? Yeah,
that's a better question. No, I think you guys are really going to love this next one.
Oh my gosh, this is like my favorite.
But then the other one, if they're a mum, they're really going to love that one. Yeah.
I just think because I haven't seen it, I know, and I think it's really could help so many people.
It will, it will, it will, and it'll be moments of like being uncomfortable with it too.
Yeah, it wouldn't be like us to make anyone feel uncomfortable. So true.
Oh my goodness. Oh I hope that answered everyone's questions. We're in the foam. If you guys ever want to ask anything else but other one guys wish we liked for surgery, Good luck day. Yeah, I'm going in today's Monday, so going in on Wednesday and then an operation on Thursday. So yes, I'll keep you guys up to date and I'm sure everything will be fine. Yeah, everyone goes and actually some good vibes. Thanks. Guys, have some good energy.
Yeah yeah, appreciate it. Alrighty, We'll back in your eas on Wednesday anyway, see you then, Bye bye,