Apodjay production.
We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the land on which we gather today and pay our respects to their elders past and present. We extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara. This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level up together.
Let's go deep, let.
The emotions flow, and find the lessons to grow and glow.
Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow, and we're here to be your expander. Welcome back to the potty guys, Grow and Glow. We have another amazing guest that you guys already know and you absolutely loved her last two episodes, So welcome back. Chris.
Hi, girls, thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to be here. It's going to be a lot of fun.
I feel like I feel like we spoke about so much in our last two episodes, but there's always so much more to talk about. So today we're going to be covering a lot about wellness, but then we're going into trauma. Yeah, Jo, Now, it's a very trendy word. But there's just it's so important and I think someone think they don't have trauma, but you're lying to yourself. We'll have it. So when we go deep into that, but before we do, as you know, every Monday episode, we have a share of the week.
So this is something my mentor said to me on our session at the start of the week, and it was this, chaos can be destructive and can render everything a new. So when we think about chaos in our life and how like messy it is and then we're like so overwhelmed, we feel like we're falling apart, it actually creates a new slate. It's like a tornado, Like
it wipes everything clean. Like think about it in that sense and through that lens, and what a different perspective it actually can be when you like lean into that in your own life and own experience.
Can you say it again, chaos.
Can be destructive and can render everything a new It.
Is so true, right, I love that tornado analogy because it's right, it like gets rid of whole towns. They've got a clean slate to start and rebuild again.
Got any natural disaster and like that's so destructive, But like and then map it into your life and it's like, wow, it actually just cleans it.
Like get to start again.
Yeah.
Reminds me a little bit of that quote the breakdown before the breakthrough it everything has to be chaos before you can get back to the calm.
Sometimes, or when you're about to manifest something really big, like you go through a lot of fear and uncomfort first, then you know something huge is about to happen.
Yeah. I find energetically when I'm going through like a quantum leap, either like in my business, which would always map into relationships. Hells all the things I go through, like an upgrade internally, which is like the flu, so it appears symptoms of the flirt and I'm like, I'm so sick, what's happening? And then something people happen.
Like Oh that's wow. Self awareness that you like realize like this is like happening right before. Yeah, just a cool way to look at life. Yeah, Like you don't ever get a victim them being like oh I'm so say you're like, oh.
That wasn't Yeah, absolutely.
That's really cool. Let's get started a wellness because I want to start with saying I feel like we always hear it takes twenty one days to break have it. I'm assuming that you believe this because you have a twenty one day wellness like reset course that you do why twenty one days and walk us through what that program is.
Yeah. So I've always believed it takes twenty days to make or break a habit, and to go backwards to a time in my life where I wasn't the healthiest version of myself. I smoked and the thing that got me off smoking, which is so disgusting to consider now, but it's like I got myself out of that space by going just twenty one days to just get to the end of these twenty one days. You can do it.
Once you're there, it's done, and that's what got me off that terrible, disgraceful habit that I had as well so with any other thing in my health, in movement, in whatever fad I try or start. Over the last decade, it's been that twenty one day mentality for me because you get to probably day forty. Sometimes I think with some things that we tried and there's resistance.
The motivation drops off.
Yeah, I don't really want to do it anymore. You look for the evidence way you shouldn't. Maybe you get your period, maybe sick, like whatever, and you're like, don't have to permission to stop. But for me, it's pushing past that restrictive part there and just leading into the momentum and continuing to twenty one. And then for me in my personal experience, I've always finished the thing. I've
always stuck it out. It's then ingrained as a habit in my life, like journaling, breath work, like all these things I just do. I don't think it's like brushing my teeth, right, because there was a time in our lives where brushing your teeth was forced. You're told and you have to keep doing it, and it's like have you done it? No, I haven't done it. Why do I have to do it? Because you've got to do it before you get like that that thing, it's just
a habit. So for me, yeah, twenty one days is just the timeline that has always given me results.
That's really cool. So can you walk us through a little bit of your program? Like what do you take everyone through?
Yeah?
So it's a free ebook and it has been designed by myself, signed off by a dietitian as well as a personal trainer, and there's twenty one days of movement and recipes and self love affirmations, as well as a really simple checklist, like a daily checklist that just goes either on the back of your phone, like on the wallpaper or on the fridge, right, so it's just three liters of water. It's turning your screen time off at
eight thirty at night. It's little things like that I believe that have supported my journey and my health and my growth. Simplifying it and bring it back to basics. I created it in a time where it was around the seaword, the COVID time right, and I had a newborn and a toddler. And after my first child, after my son, I went all in back to health and fitness, got the body back, got married sixteen weeks later, like I was the fittest I've ever been in my life.
And then I had my daughter, completely separate experience. I gained all this weight. I couldn't shake it as quickly. We're in lockdown. I was isolated, I was lonely. I had a home gym, like fully equipped home gym, and I had all the tools from resources essentially because I'd trained for a really long time, so I knew what I had to do, but I didn't have the capacity emotionally or energetically to go and get stuck in and
get it done. And that's I guess where the twenty one day when as reset was born, because I'm like, if I'm feeling like this, and I just know that other moms are too in this same position. So the exercise component of it, because my mentality was quite all or nothing back then as well, so it's like I'd never finish it. I'd just give up on my sets, walk back in the door, or there's Washington to.
Do this baby crime distractions.
Yeah, and nothing ever felt completed. So I felt very unsuccessful in the day to day stuff. Right. So then I started doing twelve minute workouts and I was just twelve minutes of the day, so I'm like, twelve minutes, you can get this done. If I got six minutes in, cool, I did my best. I aimed for the twelve. I got six minutes in, it didn't matter as much. But if I got the twelve, I felt awesome. If I drank my three litters of water, I felt awesome. If
I ate veggies with two out of three meals. I felt good and it was enough for me, and I thought, I wonder if other people are feeling this, so I put out there on Instagram. It was the early days of my Instagram account a couple of years back, and people were feeling the same. And I've had over three hundred women jump in and do this and feel great at the end of it, whether or not they take everything into the everyday life, Like, this is a thing that I did not want people to feel like they
had to do. So if you have a day, or if you have two days, that's cool, go do what needs to be done. But then there's no wagon to fall off. You just step back into what you know is good for you, which is these habits and these micro moments. I'm a big believer in the man micro habits support macro goals.
Oh wow, And.
That's what I wanted people to bring into their everyday life, Like the micro moments are going to make you better tomorrow. And if we can just bring some focus into what's possible rather than what's not possible through that lens and amplify your life in a really positive way through these really small habits. I didn't want it to be overwhelming.
So that was how I felt going into anything that I was trying, because I was doing every app and different diet and different fat under the sun at that time because I wanted to lose this weight and I had no accountability of support either, so you know, it was just me doing things and feeling like I was failing. So like, how can I create it? So I'm not failing. It's not going to get me where I need to go in the fastest capacity, but I also get to
strip it all back and go back to basics. So it's something I'm really passionate on for my clients as well. So most of my clients that have worked with me have done this program and then they've got these embedded habits to their day to day life.
And I think when you get that progress too, then like you're ready for the next level. So I didn't know it's free. It's freae, So anyone listening, like you can literally go to your website and get it the.
Resources, type down it's just and you can start like print it off and start.
So of course once description, yeah, that's right there. Once you do that, it's like, okay, what's my next level? Self going to be doing like this is the beginning and you've got those habits and now you're ready for it. And as a mom too, you already feel like not everyone, that's a big generalization, but I definitely think we all have moments of feeling like we're failing.
Yeah.
So if you're like, yeah, getting your three letters of water and taking those little things off, you're like, Okay, I'm doing really well. I'm looking after me so I can take care of you. It's important for a mom.
One of the things in the Wellness Reset also includes the self love challenges. So there's twenty one self love challenges and these are really simplified things because again, I was in a stage of being like I can't go for a holiday, I can't go to the spa for a twenty four hour treatment. There's things I'm saying other people doing and I want that, but I can't do that for myself. How can I create that for myself?
And so, like an example is one of the challenges is a glass of red wine in the bath at midday because the baby's sleeping. You can Yeah, who said that? You can't? Who said that you can't have the things that you want or create that softness or nurturing to yourself and your body that day. It's what in the sunrise with a cup of tea in the morning, Like little things like that that I just didn't feel like
at that time I had access to it. And then when I started doing I'm like, oh, that's in with you.
So wellness to you. Isn't some big journal these things. It sounds like it's all the little micro things.
Yeah, definitely is. Yeah, absolutely Again, everything just supports the macro goal and flows of life. Like I've been at the height of myself in terms of the leanest, the fittest, the strongest, the fastest, all the things. I've been there, and I've been at the other edge of that same scale where it's like not the healthiest version of myself and didn't have the tools that I have now. And
now I just focus on It's a season. Some weeks I'm at the gym six days a week, five am every day, and I'm walking the dog as well, and I'm getting my steps in like yeah, some weeks it's that, and then other weeks I'm there three times and maybe I'm not there at all. You just got to find what works for you and stop sitting in that comparison itis with other womens, other families, and what their experiences are,
what's support network they have? You don't know, like just because someone's putting up online like they're at the gym at five VM, I could do that too some weeks, But then like this week, like this morning, I didn't go, yeah, but you put that online, didn't go to the gym. Like you see what you see and you see what you want to see. And I think just taking ownership and what you're choosing to absorb as well is a huge part of that.
Yeah, so much comparison online these days as well. I think everybody looks what everyone else is doing, going oh my.
Gosh, like how do they juggle?
Little?
But there's weeks where like holy shit, like same as me. Like a couple of weeks ago, I was melting down and I was like not coping with anything. So like the last thing I felt like doing was going to the gym have my moment. And then I was like, Okkara, now dush yourself off, had your moment, get back into it.
Yeah you know it's going to make you feel better. Yeah, I don't know if you feel like being vulnerable because this sounds all inspiring and motivating, But is there something now? Because I like me at the moment, I definitely feel like I'm in a fixed season of growth and working with a coach. I have my surgery, just navigating a lot of personal things, like I feel like I'm kind
of like drowning a little bit. Is this something that you feel like you've got all those basic habits that are nailed or is there still something that you really struggle with and how do you work through that? Like You've got a mentor, but is there something? Yeah, you'd love to share.
So and I'm more than happy to share this. Honorability, as I've said before, is our superpowers?
Yeah?
Absolutely. On Monday with my mentor, I was reflecting with her and I was like, the projection that's playing out in my life is drama. My son is very dramatic, darling boy, He's so dramatic in his tantrums, and I'm just like, God, you're a drama queen. And then because I'm so self aware, I'm like, Wow, where am I the drama queen? How am I creating this? How's this my projection? How's this a mirror to me? And how much I love drama. I love to find it, I love to be in it, but in a way that
I don't want that. So it's like when we talk about victim mentality we talked about last time. Yes, so that's my wound. But on the other end of that, it's like drama I'm attracted to as well in humans and girlfriends. Yeah, either victim or their drama. Right, just
playing into that projection of myself. So noticing that now that's self aware part of me that struggles to have boundaries with drama, right, and have boundaries with people who are dramatic, And where can I start implementing that into my own Yeah?
I love that. Where do you think drama has served you? Because you know, there's always the shadow and the live. Where do you think it's served you?
It's literally gotten me everything I want.
Yes, you're put your foot down.
Yeah, And that might sound a bit like selfish to some people that can only hear my voice and don't know me well enough to sort of know where I'm coming from. But being dramatic has literally taken me everywhere I needed to be in life. I was reflecting recently about a teacher in year seven or eight, and his words to me were that mouth is going to get you nowhere in life. And I only had this memory pop up and I was like, Oh, this mouth actually got me a few places place.
Yeah, there's literally my job now that I love to do. It's talking with my mouth.
And talk to people all day every day. That's my favorite thing ever. And I'm like, how interesting that that was said to me, But just noticing how that could have been something that I decided to have as a limiting belief, and it could also have been the thing that drove me forward and I always want to drive forward. That's something that I've just having grain since I was really young. My mom worked really really hard and really practice what she preached in that regard, so I think
that's been imprinted from her. But yeah, being attracted to drama is something.
That I think a lot of girls can relate. Well, I think it's females. Had this discussion with my husband a little while ago that, like, I was just telling you about the show that The Secret Lives of the Mormons. It's so dramatic, it's so drama and I but I'm like, I stopped watching the Kardashian because I just I felt like it wasn't authentic anymore, Like I felt like it was a bit put on a bit stage and it was a lot of drama, And for a season there, I didn't want any drama. But then this show I
really enjoyed, So I get it. Like females, we are kind of drawn to that, but it must bring connection as well. But sometimes relatability may yeah.
Sometimes a secondary gain in terms of the emotional scale that we're going to gain from something that's having a negative impact. So let's say I'm attracted to drama in friendship, like in female friendship, and the secondary emotion to that for me is that it gives me permission to sit in my victim.
Right.
He either said that or I get to feel like I'm being the good person by helping them through their thing.
I've got someone that I used to be close with, and I felt like when she would talk about drama and gossip, I felt like it made her feel better about her situation because their situation was more dramatic and worse. So then she felt like hers was like not that bad, whereas I could see that her situation wasn't serving her
and she didn't want to take ownership. But when she talked about these people just like so much worse in mine, Like I thought my life was dramatic, but these girls, and I could just feel I could feel this is more about her than what it was to other people. So I could see it wasn't serving her, but I could see why she was drawn to that.
And it's also the dopamine hit that we get from it. So it's like some people do drugs, some people watch porn, some people do this girls chaste drama, interesting we get from it. Right, So we might call in a friendship where there's a huge misalignment because ia you might have completely different lives and hers is filled with toxic drama stories and crap, and you sit there soaking it in, and you know, you might even be like, why are
we in friends? Like we've got nothing in common, even if you do have a lot in common, but very like different value your life, but you want to soak her in all the time. Notice what you're getting if you walk away feeling drained and continue to go back. The pattern is that you're getting something from it, and sometimes not for all females, but sometimes it is that don't mean him, right.
Yeah, this is a cool conversation to talk about too. We're kind of going a little bit of track, but like with trolls online, because I remember years ago when I had an actual hate page dedicated to my name and we ended up taking legal action and we got it taken down. But there was five women on a rotating roster to like screenshot on my snapchats and post it into forums and then all go, let's all go
comment this and blah blah blah. But this isn't to put down single ones, but they were all single mums. And three of them actually came forward and just said, like after they had realized what they had done, they'd apologized and like had said that we didn't have anything else going on our life. It was like you were our reality TV show. One of them compared me to the Kardashians of like you are our reality TV show, And it was just like addictive. And I could see
how it was meeting their need of significance. It's meeting their need of community and like connection. Yeah about it, And when she explained it like that, I was like this, it's awful that I've been through that, but I can understand as a lonely single mum. How that could be quite addicted to, like being amongst something that's like growing and it's gossiping and it's drama. I could really like see from their side. I don't think it's right, but I could have passionate, ouvererstanding.
Yeah, it's almost easier to connect with someone over something negative like that too, right, Like it's harder to go deep and find like those meaningful connections where you talk about hard things or but to take gossip and have those sorts of conversations like I don't know, I feel like it takes bravery to like some of the I mean we talk about on the podcast, but the ship we talk about, you know it.
Is and gossip is deflecting, it's pointing out words, whereas when you go inwards taking ownership, Like I had a really bad argument with you know whatever, I had to argue with my partner, and I did not show up the way I want to be, Like, that's hard to talk about.
It's so hard.
It's easy to be like, did you hear what this person said? To hear what she was wearing?
Like he did that?
Yeah, I like, oh, I probably shouldn't have said that Yeah, I love that.
It's just an easy thing that we've all been subscribed to, especially our swomen since you are quite young.
Yeah, so being a busy mum running a business, doing all the things that you do, like wellness, it is so important. But we have a large mum audience and we definitely get feedback a lot of like, how do you guys fit it Allien? So we've spoken about it
on the podcast. What I'd love to hear from you because you're even traveling heats for work now, you're speaking at events on all these different podcasts, like how do you fit in all your wellness habits whilst being the mum you want to be the part you want to be the friend you want to be, Like, how do you do it all?
Strip it back to the basic needs, right, what of my kids need time? They just want me cool. Don't make it fancy. We don't have to go to the park. We can grab the magnets. It's on the launch room floor. We watch Matilda for the first time the other night, which is the cutest thing ever. There at an age where they can watch an actual like TV yeah show sorry movie which was really sweet. So like, in terms
of balancing the mum and a business hat. You can do it all, and you can have it all, but you need to recreate what all is to you and how that's going to feel. Because if you want to feel present, be fucking present. Just be present. Start with that. Give it ten minutes. It doesn't have to be ten hours. It can be ten minutes. Same with movement. It doesn't have to be at a gym in a class perfect
one hundred percent of the time. We are humans, and humans are supposed to progress, and sometimes we see progression as it's too hard, it's too overwhelming, or we've got to do it in a certain way that someone else is doing it right, where it's strict and it's instruction. I'm out of routine, so oh my gosh, I just can't do anything. So like the wellness reset I've used on holidays because I don't want to be away from the kids on holidays and I don't want miss out
on the fun. But I want to move my body, and there's a gym or that, you know, I don't want to go travel around without my kids if I'm doing a big walk or anything like that. So I'll just do fifteen minutes of exercise, super back to what is good for you? Same for food, what is good for you? To back to the basics. You can have it all if you choose to look through the lens of what does all mean for me? Like us three sitting here, we have completely different lives, completely families, completely
different children. You're all to my all the two different things, and that's okay. Like, give yourself permission as a mom and as a woman to do the journey in the way that you need to do it. Because we've all
come from different walks. We've all had different experiences, different trauma's, different paying, different wounds that we're dealing with on a day to day basis, Like our husbands will do different things, Like how can we say we can all go to the gym at this time and it's going to work and this is what makes us healthy or this is what makes us feel good because it's not going to be the same em Like your kid might have had gastro last week, might be like flying high and being
the best bloody kid in the world, But it doesn't mean that you can't move your body one day and you can't do an hour here, or you can't do twelve minutes there. Yeah, I think it's really important that you've got to do what's good for you. Stop comparing.
Yes, And we're even speaking on the way up about how with your kids all they need is twelve minutes a day of like your present time, which is crazy, and I think it just takes so much pressure off, knowing if you have twelve minutes of like complete present time with your kids and that's enough for them to feel you know, fine.
Yeah, yeah, and you can break that up like we were saying three to five minutes in the morning, three to five minutes in the middle of day, thirty five minutes of bedtime or like if you've got the capacity like to be doing that all at once. But like research is saying twelve minutes of a solid present time with phone away and playing, like because that's how they connected through play, doing what they want on their terms.
That's like that's all they need. That's the minimum anyway, Like, of course we want to do more, yeah, but just to take that pressure off. You get that in each day, like you're doing an amazing job.
Those days when you're busy and you've got so much stuff on and you feel like, oh my gosh, if you know, like at the end of day, I'm going to sit down and I'm going to go play like our kids love caping go, so you know, like just do something like that. It's just nice to be like, Okay, I've done enough to like I've given everything I've got today and today my capacity might be twenty percent and tomorrow it might be eighty.
And I can give them so much more.
But it kind of just takes a pressure off thinking of it as that sort of amountain Hey deerfinitely.
Absolutely.
When I've been consuming your content lately and your website and everything, we love talking about trauma. I've had another guest on like talk all that trauma. But obviously everyone has the different views and different way they do things. But this is something that you help your clients with, and we believe everyone has trauma. In your own words, what is trauma and how do you help your clients through it?
So trauma is stored in the body, and we can suppress our trauma and we know that, but it's almost like it's a buzzword at the moment in your space. And yes, everyone does have it, but I think you need to be really cautious about how you're using that word in a space where there's some traumas that are massive and horrific, and it doesn't make the ones that
are smaller any less important. But trauma has become something that's just a bit of a buzzword, like trigger was a buzzword for a minute there, and now we're talking about trauma, right, So don't flex it if you're not willing to either be really vulnerable and how you're supporting yourself with it or vulnerable around wanting to change it. That's something that that's a good point passionate on speaking to. So I support my clients with bringing the unconscious conscious.
So a lot of shadow work involved with what I do and what that allows and can look like is suppressed memories and events and experience, and they can be really big things. Well they could be things that we look at that are quite simple. I have a past client of mine who, when we did a process, brought a memory forward. She was around six or seven. She
was plating her little sister's heir. She's learning to plat, and then her mom comes over and her mom's just like, we're in a rush, We've got to go hurry up, Like I'll do it. She's goes, no, no, no, I can do it, Mom, I can do it, and she's like, no, no, no, got to get out the door. And that was the first time that she thought that she wasn't good enough to do something, and so her unconscious mind went and seek to evidence for the rest of her human life
to confirm she wasn't good enough. And that's the first time that she felt that way. Now this is a really my kids this way, like we'll create trauma for our kids. It's a part of the process. Unfortunately it sucks, but it's a part of it. And I think that there's that moment there that was locked in for her and was such a simple thing that may have created a bigger traumas and experiences and events in other areas
of her life down the track. So it can look like that, and it can be things that are really big and horrific that are already there that you already know that you need to work through. But I think that trauma are memories that you store in your body.
And that might not be the proven scientific answer, but that's what I feel it is, and that's how it is for my clients, and that's how we work through it, because it's stored in your body, so we will release that through emotional change therapy as well as shadow work and energetics and unpacking these parts of you and sometimes not good enough being the limited belief, it's deeply embedded. Like it took us a few sessions to get to
that point to bring that memory forward. And once it came up, like you know, that was emotions and tears and things, and she was just like this seems so silly, Like this really is this how I feel like remembering that little version of me that thought she could do something, she was so sure of herself, and then to be told no, you can't. And then where that influenced other areas of her life.
You know how you say trauma stored in the body, Is there a common area that you find where it's stored?
Great question. So different emotions are stored in different locations from the work that I do. But for the women, and this is a huge generalization for women who I work with, it would usually be fear, shame and guilt and stored between the chest in the stomach. Yeah, it's not often like a shoulder or like you know, your legs and things like that, which it can be for sure, but as a generalization, the heaviness is in here, the guilt is.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely throat, yeah, being heard things like that, and most trauma do you think comes from those first seven years or is it just different for everyone?
I think that our limiting beliefs are created in those first seven years. Then we seek evidence to affirm the limiting belief and sometimes again huge generalization here, and sometimes those traumas can be created by us putting ourselves in situations that could potentially be due to our limiting beliefs, right, because we're seeking evidence, so we go down that path
that's a least resistance to confirm the evidence. Let's say, as an example for myself, putting myself in awful relationships when I was younger, right where I was treated horrifically because I didn't think I was good enough. There's an ownership for me in that right, like I put my
self there. I allowed that to continue. And not that I'm saying that that's justifiable but for anyone, But I'm saying that that is because I had a limited belief of I'm not good enough between zero and seven that then my body and my mind went and seek evidence to confirm.
Because that's what you thought you were worth. So you don't know to get any more than that. Yeah.
Wow.
I would love to talk about the different processes because I think a lot of people will get scared to go and book a session about trauma. What are the process that you take them through?
Like?
Is it breath work? Is it visualizations? Like combination and combination like that's do you have one thing that you do or is it like every client's going to be different.
I think that, well, every client can be different from when we start the process. But act the emotional change therapy that ire utilizing my coaching. I definitely utilize that and breath and meditation and just coming back into your body and your unconscious mind is so available to give you the information you need to move forward, Like it
could just be getting them really grounded and anchored. As an example, I did this client last week and we were unpacking something and I was like, okay, first answers that come forward, I'm going to ask you a question. I would provoke the question and we were able to determine the root cause of where she was feeling, but it would connect to a part in her body. She's like, I feel that like through here, and then we're like, okay,
what's that mean to you? And then we chunk down on what that actual emotion is and then where that's stored. And then the answer could be I don't know, right, so then I'll reflect back. If you were to know, what would you say? And it's like you have an answer, right, So unconsciously you want to protect. So it's like I say, I don't know, so I can protect because you always know, you always have an answer.
That's really interesting you say that because I feel like I've had that in sessions. I just don't know. But then yeah you do, Okay, Well if you didn't know, what would you assume? What would you guess? It's like when you think this, yeah.
When you flip it for a decision and if it lands on the wrong side and you're disappointed, like, well now no, yeah, I think, but it's like you actually already know three two one. When you're like making decision or you're having an issue internally, three two one, what's the answer.
As soon as it's don't overthink it.
Don't let your self overthink it, don't let self protect it.
There's a lot of people just are so not connected with themselves as well that they don't believe the intuitional they don't trust it. So that's why they say, I don't know. It's when you're also connected to yourself.
Yes, you do know, absolutely trust that otherwise yes, absolutely, Yeah, and on that journey, like, you've got to confirm that brick wall of evidence to know that you're good enough to have that self belief.
So if that wall is built and constructed of only a lack of self love and lack of self belief, of course it's really hard to draw forward that answer in yourself to know what you want to do to move the needle. But you've just got to keep building that brick wall, build again and again and again until it's bigger than the other.
One, but like overtowering it and solid.
Yeah, like it's massive, but for most of us, we're only starting the work around now in the last few years. Yeah, before that was a shit shows. Yeah, so it's like that brick wall's got some time.
The twenties are almost like your warm up. Hey, I've got a staff member who just turned twenty and she's like, these are my serious year, Like this and I'm going to find someone that have kids.
And I was like, don't you you believe when you're twenty Like, oh, I'm getting my line.
Now fully got it sorted. But I said, dressed, you're going to get to know who you are. You need to know who your true friends are. When you hit thirty, that's when I feel like you're more centered in ground and you're like, Okay, now I know what I want. I don't about forties and not there yet. But that's why I felt twenties or a warm up thirty. I was like, Okay, now I'm really clear on what I want and who I want around.
Yeah, it's like I turn thirty and I was like, oh yeah, this guy's open up.
That's what I felt.
I get it now. Also, my knees changed. I don't know about it.
You feel you Yes, my gewl's changed so much change.
Yes, you were saying before e c T. Did you say can we chat a little bit more about that? Because I think you touched on that in the last episode, didn't you, But just in case I haven't heard that episode.
Yeah, cool. So it's very similar to timeline therapy. I'm not sure if you guys have heard of that before that was invented, and no one come at me if I'm getting this wrong. It's been a while since I lonely. That was invented in nineteen seventy by a guy called Tad James. I'm nervous now saying.
That, because that's just where you go back in time to find the memory and feel it.
Essentially.
Yeah, yeah.
And then the spin on that is emotional change therapy that was invented by Elizabeth and Walker, who I did my training with on the Gold Coast. It's a much faster process in terms of getting the result and releasing stagnant trauma.
So what do you do with that?
I read from a specific script and I include the limiting belief or the emotion negative emotion that we're releasing, which takes people back to a time. Act is done with connection. So breath. We'll ground you into it with a meditation and then we'll go through that process. And it's just really about connecting to you and allowing your
unconscious mind to come forward. Some people will want to protect it to the end, so quite often it will be I only see black, Chris, don't see anything else somewhere? Is that just the ego coming up, not wanting concept and not wanting to be vulnerable. Yeah, it's a scary thing. If you've not ever been shown that vulnerability was safe, you will protect it all costs. Right. You will sit there and you'll tell me that you don't know the answer,
that it's black. There's nothing there, there's nothing there, and we can do this for six hours. But there is something there. But you've got to trust it, and you've got to be vulnerable enough to go into that. Yeah.
I had a girlfriend once say to me, I said, I first started my self development years and years ago, but it always stuck with me because it maybe first of all made me feel like, fuck, something a lot's wrong with me. But we were talking about Truman like child or stuff, and she was like, I don't have any of that. Like I had great parents, they never hit me. Like I went to great school. I didn't miss out on anything. I got to do all the sports,
Like we've got amazing cousins. Like I just don't have anything bad that happened, Like I just must be the lucky one. I remember just thinking fuck, like, well I'm really unlucky. Then I'm really fucked up. But like as our friendship continued, I definitely saw things and I was like, yeah, it might not have been a huge event, but there is micro trauma's I think for everyone. Do you agree we all have stored energy, Like, there's got to be moments.
It could be in the way that she people pleases people. Yeah, she compensates or she always says sorry. You know, trauma. Why are you saying sorry for everything and apologizing profusely. That's not how we live. And it's the fear of acknowledging that too, Like if you had grew up with a perfect little life that you thought was a perfect little life, the perfect parents of this that there's no human ing in the humans, right, so you know, you might not know that your mum or dad had an
affair because that was kept from you. But we did have the perfect life, Touze, because you weren't taught vulnerability. You weren't shown about the human experience and change and people making mistakes. You didn't actually get to feel any of that. So when you do fuck up, well, you do make a mistake. I'm speaking from this friend's maybe perspective. It's the end of the world. So let's say that
she failed a driver's test or whatever. She might have felt like that was the end of the world for her at that time because there hadn't been a lot of mistakes in her life that was acceptable of vulnerability.
Yeah, and I've seen it played out in her life in that like the perfectionism. And she's also food is her coping mechanisms. She's gained like a lot of weight, So I'm like, I think she's trying to keep up this persona that like I'm perfect, My life's everything's perfect. So I'm like, there's got to be stored something in there out otherwise, like you wouldn't be turning to food and you wouldn't always be putting on this front that
everything's perfect. So it was just interesting. I just feel like sometimes people think they don't have anything, but if you would actually be with the right coach, the right person, like, they will bring it up and nothing's wrong with you.
It's just as part of the human experience. And even our kids, like we're conscious parents, but definitely there'll be somewhere where fucked the mound that they will need help with later on with you know, work through because none of us are perfect, no, and they have their own experiences to go.
Through, and that's a crazy thing. Like even with different traumas that have happened in my life.
I've got three sisters.
Some of them don't find the things traumatic and then some of us do. Like so true, everyone's experience is different and everyone was in different situations or some people might not have seen this, or you know, it'sh so different.
When I spoken about my stepdad once, I remember I can't remember which brother ors. We got two brothers, but one of them said to me, I don't remember that happening. I was like, how do you not remember that? That was like so clear and traumatic for me. And he's like, but I don't think it was that bad, Like he didn't do that, did he? And I was like, yes he did. And I was like, maybe you can do it to him. Or maybe he wasn't around that time. Maybe his brain has blocked it out because it was
too painful. Like every child and person's going to have their own experience it and store it in a certain way.
Yeah, we delete the store and generalize every bit of information and an experience. We're all receiving that completely differently, and that's so normal. I think it's in and lp re recognize that our conscious mind takes in I think it's one hundred and thirty four bits per second, and our unconscious takes in two billion per second, Like something like you don't know what you already do? You know when you have a dream about a group of people
and you're like, who were those random people? Who dream? You've seen their faces before, but you don't actually know that you've seen them, like you know you've seen them or something, and it recreates it in the dream.
So interesting.
My kids are six and a half years apart the experience, like my son had compared to my daughter, Like, I'm such a different person now. I'm such a different parent to my little girl to how I was to him when he was her age, because I was in a different part of my life, I'd done different growth, I'd worked three more traumas. I don't have anxiety attacks anymore, like I've had them all the time when he was
little boy. Like it is different for the children as well, compared to where the parents actually at as well, how much.
They remember, Yeah, when they were born, in.
Our energy, how we were coping with life. They feel definitely. Yeah, Sometimes I like rush the kids to bed, and then other times I like, I don't care how many books you want to do? Yeah, opacity. If you've had a really hard day, it's like, I don't want to read that the same.
Book four times.
I'm sick of the wonkey donkey.
Yes, my son's spelling now, so I don't know if you guys obviously have gone through that, but spelling everything. And I spelled out something because I was trying to have a private conversation with my mom and and I was like, crap. But spelling is his thing. So when we read books, we spell everything.
Yes, there will be doing three pages of the whole book. I feel like we've covered so much. Yeah, thank you so much once again for being here.
Thanks for having me to have you go a different directions.
I always so much to talk about.
Hey, and Chris, where can everybody find you at?
Inside Out with Chris And that's basically me everywhere, including the website Inside Out with Chris Kris. Jump over to the website, go to the free resources tab to get the twenty one day wellness reset. Also when you jump on the website now, they'll be a little pop up for my free shadow Work ebook, which is an introduction to shadow work. If you heard the word before and you want to just play into that a little bit or learn a bit more about yourself, then definitely start there.
There's over fifty shadow work journal problems with that as well, amazing, totally free. Just for anyone that wants to start their journey and doesn't have the tools and resources yet to go and get a mentor, to go and get a coach, or they want to dabble and they're not sure of where to start. I would definitely recommend those two things.
That's crazy, and you've got a podcast as well. Hey Inside with Chris, Yeah, perfect.
Bloody loves It's so much fun, so good.
We'll link all your details in the description box. But otherwise, thank you succhually big, thank you girls, and we'll see you guys on Wednesday. Bye bye
Mm hmm