80. 5 THINGS that turn us on 🔥 🌶 Lets get sexy!

Apode Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana. This podcast is.

About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.

We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone else is too afraid to talk about.

Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back to another episode of She Rises.

I'm Tiana and I'm actually thank you for joining us. We've got a spicy, fun, sexy episode for you today. We're looking at our downloads and seeing which episodes were most well received, most downloaded, most loved, and it was all the ones about sex. So let's talk about it.

We love talking about it, and apparently you guys love listening. We do here with the juicy stuff today.

I think it's just because sex is still taboo and still something people don't want to talk about, or they feel awkward talking about, or maybe they feel shameful, or they don't have people around them that talk about it. I think it's quite normal for us, but it's definitely not for everyone. Yeah, but the numbers don't lie the numbers don't lie.

And I think we have this conversation as well, Like what you mentioned is normalized for us, but for you listening, it might not be normalized in your friend group. Yes maybe up home, Yeah maybe at home, it wasn't a normalized thing to talk about. There's still a lot of you know, sexual shame around the topic of sex and intimacy and all of those things. So we want to make it light, playful and fun and hopefully help you remove some of the shame around these kind of topics.

And we also get it because we've carried sexual shame. I not growing up like I couldn't talk about it. I got uncomfortable talking about it. I projected my own judgments onto other women when they were really sexually expressed. And it's being really cool to go through that transition of coming out the other side, and it feels so normal and feel so beautiful because it gets to be you know. So today we're talking about the five things

Making this more about pleasure and intimacy as opposed to just performing or getting it done or just you know, being like this one and done thing. It's got to it's something that you've got to tick off. Like, we don't want sex to be a topic where you have to just tick it off because it's something that you know, rotations to be doing like that, it's meant to be slow and sensual. You want to enjoy the process. We want to bring that in today.

And whether you have sexual shame, or you're a mom and you've just had a baby, or you've lost yourself or you've lost your body confidence, or you look back at your younger self you're like, oh my gosh, I was so frisky and adventurous, Like where has she gone? Like, let's bring that back in because she's in there. There's just conditioning or situations or trauma or outside noise that has told you that that's a good, wrong, bad, right, whatever.

Love it called seduice, Oh.

Nice, Nice's called spicy. It so good. It does.

It makes all the difference because it does I feel like for women, it's very much a mental game. Yeah, it's very much. If you're in your head, you're not really in your body or in your pleasure.

It will affect your experience.

Yeah, and it does. It impacts you what's happening before leading up to the bedroom, and yeah, what you're doing, how your day's been. So music, I feel kind of just like softens your body in.

Doesn't it. And when you go to a dance class and you're learning like a sexy routine, the song is everything it is. Yeah, yeah, that's yours.

So I think for me, the mental build up is a really big thing for me. Hot Yeah, so for me, like I think the intimacy really does start at the beginning of the day and not actually the moment that you start being intimate or in the bedroom, whether it be with a partner or with yourself. It's more of like essential experience, whether that be through your different senses, so you know, hearing your partner say something to you, reading a text message from them.

Yeah.

Physical types that be just moisturizing your body really slowly and just like saying thanks and appreciating yourself or having your partner do the little neck touches. Yeah, little you know, side swipes or little bum grabs like yeah. Through that mental build up of those consistent things throughout the day, it almost allows, at least for me personally allows me to get mentally ready to be intimate and kind of like energetically open my body.

Love that for me is just oh oh so true. One thing that I really love. And I know not everyone loves this, but I love lingerie and dressing up and it's something I kind of forgot about for years, even after Tyler, I didn't wear anything for ages. And then my girlfriend Megsi is always in like silky robes or a silky nighty or nude, beautiful lacy underwear. She's always very feminine like that, and it's something she teaches in a lot of her courses around this as well.

It's almost like a queue, almost like it is a cue putting this beautiful set on and you're getting in the energy of like getting ready to be intimate or be central of being that playabul energy. Like it sounds bad, that's like obviously putting on a hat of like ew. You know, you're putting on this costume and you're getting ready to like enter this beauty.

If I don't want to have sex or be intimate and I come out of my moomoo, he knows the momo is not going to happen tonight. If I come out in my black long, like beautiful lacy silk nighty with a robe, He's like, Okay, when the kids go to bed, you give me your cue. And I love it because it's also that build up too of like knowing that it's coming. That's really fun as well. Yeah, it's one of the It is a cute.

It's a beautiful cue, like the anticipation.

Yeah. So even if you don't feel fully confident in your body, like find something it does make you feel more sexy, like brother, it's a one piece, or whether it is just a dressing gown, something just like makes you feel feminine step out of those other hats.

Yeah. Oh, I love that. It's very empowering for me because I love one to feel just sexy in my body. And it's I've come a long way from the second shame that I've had when I was younger to be suppressing myself entirely, to being able to get to the point where I feel sensual in my body and I get to like put on these beautiful pieces of like lingerie and feel like I love my body and like get to explore myself and then also get to do that for my partner as well, and so like for me,

Can we just talk about the tags on Honeyburdet? Oh? Sorry, if we're paying four hundred dollars for a set of lingerie, they're not ripple with tags. And when you put the lingerie on it's obviously C three you can fully see this massive black tag grunt too, front, back side of the bra wherever it is. I'm like, this is horrendous for a four hundred dollars set of lingerie. It's termed me off buying from them. I would love to know. Actually, girls, jump it to our forum. Where are you buying a

I think lounge wear do some, but I haven't personally bought any from there.

It just looks like really branded lounge lounge lounge lands, like all around the unders and stuff.

Yeah, their underwear is like I don't know if the I've looked at the lazy ones though, Yeah, I don't know if they like the actual sets are like that. Yeah, but I do remember seeing they have some variety. I just personally haven't bought them.

Yeah, okay, I might have a look on their look. Yeah, let us know if you guys have any other restomundations. Okay. My next one is don't forget to flirt with your partner, big one. Like I've been with Steve seventeen years, but we still flirt. Yeah, and it's so important. I mean, I love flirty text messages, sending photos. That's not for everyone. I know you don't love doing that, but I love doing that for Steve. Even during out the day, like

It's like consciously creating that yeah each other, Yeah, yeah, keeping that fire alive, keeping the fire aliveful energy when you're in a floating isn't it. It's so playful so far. It's like you bat a little bit their way, and then they bat a little bit. Yeah, You're like, oh, this energetic peas is so fun.

It's so fun. So like tap back into that. And I had a story for a while there that I didn't know how to flirt and I'd kind of lost that about myself. And then once you practice to get into you're like, no, it's always there. Stephanie's like yeah, Stephanie is there. We love that.

I feel like focusing on breath, like when I'm being intimate or even leading up to being intimate, I find is really helpful. So whether it be whether I'm by myself, I'm always conscious of my breath before I actually go into like self pleasure.

So what do you do just like stop to do a meditation or do you just like focus on slowing it down? Depends what kind of mood I'm in.

So sometimes it might be like putting on a Temanute meditation where I'm like on the bed, laying down my eyes closed, breathing and following the guided meditation. Or sometimes it might even be putting music on and then just breathing to the rhythm of the music and it's just about creating rhythm with my breath. And then that way it gets me connecting to my body because then it's like out of my head and into my body and I can kind of like slow it.

Down more of that. That's really good bye.

I find it's really good. And then also if you're with a partner, it's like you can do rhythmic breathing together, so it's like you don't even have to voice it. You can just follow their breath. Yeah, and then you kind of get into this like pattern together.

That's beautiful and.

Then it's like a connection with them. Yeah, I find that that's bad. That's a good one.

If you've seen the ad and you want your free natural lubricant, your code is slippery. Let's get back to the episode. Okay, So my next one is really hard with children. And Steve and I went to Sydney a little while ago and just had the best time. It was a couple of days just full of lots of sex and when we came home we were in that really sexual energy and let we forgot we got interrupted, like you know, we put Tarla to bed, but then five minutes later she's knocking on our door. I'm like,

You get to like plug back into each other outside of all the other hats that you've got going on in life.

Because I had a conversation with Steve once we got back to it's like a week or two later, I was like, far right. You can really feel the difference of when you come back into stress, into kids, into doing into routine, and it's so easy to get out of that energy. You've got to be really conscious to bring all of these things that we're talking about, yeah, into your day to day and not just waiting for a stay CA And that was my lesson this time. I was like, I can't just wait for a stay

Then you're not waiting for the stay care. You can actually have it now.

Virtually get to create it. But it takes a lot of conscious effort, especially when you're parents.

I could imagine, especially with the constant interruption, because that would be chology.

It's like an instant mood killer.

Yeah, Immediately you're like, you know, there's a little human outside the door.

Literally You're like, I'm not present at all. No, now I'm worried. Now I'm paranoid.

Yeah. Love it so something that I'd love to do. I love slowing it down. Yeah, Like, especially with a partner.

You know what I mean?

And so what I've learned, especially of the last couple of years with my past partners, is that I actually really like to slow things down because it just is such a different experience. And again, like what you said before,

You're enjoying the whole experience rough and just the orgasm.

And like we had a little bit of a conversation like this this morning around not rushing the process, like just actually being present, out of your head, in your body, enjoying that moment of pleasure as opposed to like performing rushing or feeling like you need to get it done.

We'll talk about the conversation we had this morning, because even after seventeen years, Steve and I are still exploring and asking questions and checking in. And we both said sometimes we're worried that we're in our head like, oh, is it taking too long to organism? Are they getting over it? And I said that to you the other day, I said, is there ever any a point where you're like, oh, she's taking so long? He's like, are you joking? Yeah, no way, I enjoy the whole prochus. I enjoy seeing

I think it's like even sometimes a reflection of like how scared you can get to like take up space. Yeah, you know, and like I really noticed sometimes a part of me being like, oh, like am I taking too long?

Like the people pleasing too, isn't it like oh I want to make this about them that.

Yeah, like just want to take care of them step or anything like that. And I, yeah, just coming back to the performative thing for a sec because yeah, we had this conversation actually around how when it's very performative based or it's very like rough and hard and all those sorts of things. I don't know, maybe it's like my insecurities, but I feel a little bit like used a bit, you know, it doesn't feel as nice, doesn't

Well, I think when if you're getting smashed and you're doing it rough, so I don't know how else to put it, but if you're doing it rough, yeah, you don't feel as taken care of. Was when you're love making and you're holding each other and you're slowing it down. I just feel taken care of. Feel like my body, I feel like my pleasure. I feel like everything together

Yeah, And obviously, like it's obviously important to know that, like when you have a safe space you can kind of explore it. Oh yeah, good for you, you know, but like sometimes it can be fine line between like feeling safe and feeling objectified.

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Yeah, But when you're with a safe partner, it's like that's not really think because you know it's safe and you know yeah.

Yeah, I can't say I felt objectified before, but I can hear how women could feel like that. But it's still you still feel more taken care of when it's slower because they are, they're caressing you there, holding you.

It's a better experience.

I agree. I'm sure most women if you're listening and people are like, yeah, agree. By time place for rottle for sure. My last one is kind of what I've already covered, which was stacase when you just fully get to relax, plug into each other. You're each other's number one. You're so plugged into each other and each other's pleasure and listening and connecting and talking and experiencing, and not just in the bedroom. It's like even out for dinner,

Yeah, I like that. Yeah, my last one is knowing there's no pressure to orgasm.

Oh explain.

So for me, it must be that to do with that thing of getting in my head of feeling like I might be taking too long. But when I know that my partner is actively telling me like there's no pressure when I'm here to get to an outcome, like you're okay, like just relax and enjoy, then immediately it's be things up for me, and.

I like like excellent, I turned on.

It's almost like knowing that there is no pressure to organism. When I feel like I'm getting in my head, I start to feel pressure to orgasm, and then I'm like, oh, I've got to get to the outcome. It's just not about that. And so when I actively know that my partner's on the same page with me in that, I can kind of soften and my body can kind of relax, and then I'm like, Okay, I get to enjoy this.

I think every female listenings to be like, yeah, I helt that before.

Yeah, so I find something that helps me. And what I've done is actually asked my partner to say those words to.

Me like that's nice.

Yeah, pressed to request, yeah, like can you tell me that it's safe that I'm safe with you that I can relax, that you know, all of the things whatever it feels good for you in that moment and actually say like there's no pressure, orgasm, this is just your enjoyment. Like I just want you to receive right now. And I've found that that nine times out of ten has really helped me.

And you know what, they would love that guidance because they want to make you happy, they want to see you in pleasure, they want you to relax. So it's like sometimes just hearing those words is all you need. Yeah, but reassurance.

I think for me a big thing is like I'm very like audible. Is that how you would say it? So like when I hear like my partner's voice, it softens me entirely. I'm like, take care of me, love me, like never leave me.

Yeah, take care of my money, love me. Yeah. Oh that's beautiful. We hope you guys enjoyed this episode. It's a bit of a shorter one, but we want to get straight to the point and just talk about the things that really help turn us on. And I think when you're experiencing beautiful pleasure and connection, it just overflows into every other area of your life. I know when I've had beautiful sex and intimacy and i feel connected,