Apologie production. I need your advice. Are you okay? What happened?
Promise it won't be too much.
Bring it in.
Welcome to our bestie segment. Girl my girl, this is the place for you.
Welcome back to a besting advice segment with Ashley and Tiana. This week's submission it's a little bit confusing, it's a little bit I'm not sure about this, so we're going to give out raw, honest advice as we would as best friends. You bought it in. Thank you for your anonymous submission. We have no idea who you are. And if you're listening and you want our advice, we've got a link in the discription box below. Bring it in as much context as possible. But let's get into today's episode.
Take it away, Let's get into it. Hey, girls, I really need some advice. I've been seeing this guy for about seven months and he's amazing. I love being around him, and his family treats me as a part of the family, and everything is good except for the fact that he doesn't consider us to be in a relationship. Now.
I've had a lot of conversations with him about what we are and where we are going, and he keeps saying that we are unofficially dating, which I was very understanding about. However, I have also told him that I see us as being in a relationship and he keeps saying that he does too, but he's not ready for it, which again I understand and I don't want to push it. But I'm just really struggling as if I don't feel like I'm getting the reassurance from him that he actually
wants to be with me. But I know that he does, as I have been super sick the past few months and have been in and out of hospital. I'm doing okay now, but he has always been there, no questions asked.
I guess I'm just lost on what to do, as I know he cares about me and he talks about all these plans he wants to do with me, but he doesn't want us to be in a relationship at the moment, which is really hard as everyone thinks that we are in a relationship and I almost feel like I'm lying because I'm not telling them that we aren't in his mind. Also, on top of that, I've been recently diagnosed with endometriosis, which has taken its toll on me and I've really needed him to be there for me and.
To listen to me.
But most of the time his way of making me feel better is talking about his dirt bike when that's not what I need, or he just tells me I worry too much and it will be fine, when a lot of the times that's not what I want to hear. I just want to feel like I can express my emotions to him.
I don't know.
I'm just starting to wonder whether I am waiting for something to happen that won't happen, or if I'm just wanting too much. He's twenty one. I'm also twenty one. I also have an anxious attachment style, which is probably playing a massive part in all of this. Any good advice would be good.
Aw Oh, okay, that's that. What do you mean? You're not ready? Either you want to be in a relationship or you don't. And if you're in the in between, I think he needs to say to you the reason why. Like I'm not saying he's cheating or sleeping around, but if he's wanting to unofficially be with you, is that to keep other doors open? Like why if you're spending all this time and investing all this time into each other. What is his reason to not put a label on it?
I think the interesting thing about being in this like weird limbo area is that it does create a lot of confusion because someone's words and actions are incongruent and like his actions are one way and then his behavior is the complete opposite, which is why you're feeling so confused. And yes, the anxious attachment can be a huge role in it, but also it's actually his behavior is creating
that as well. Like who things can exist, You can be anxious and his behavior can be creating more anxiousness for you, definitely, So I think the biggest thing to note in this is if he's not willing to put a label on it, babe, Like he's telling you what he wants, him saying that he's not ready for a relationship.
Baby, you got to.
Listen telling you black and white, he is saying I'm not ready for this. And again, I know it's so confusing because his behavior says otherwise, and you want to pay attention to his behavior because it's what your heart wants, but you've got to listen to.
His words too. I've been saved since I was nineteen, so like, I can't talk. But you're both so young, so got so much life to live, and I just would hate for you to spend the next five years of your life in this limbo questioning or if he does go and sleep with someone else, or hook up with someone else, or not share something with you, And then if you'd be like, why didn't you like we're together? And he's like, well, I've told you we're not officially dating.
That's right. What part of that did you not understand? That's right? You know he is being quite open and honest. I respect him for that, but yes, he will keep right in this way.
Why should you allow it as if he wouldn't, why would he not getting the girlfriend experience here? Yeah, cuddles.
You're probably cooking for him, I don't know, do a lot of other things for it. I've done a lot of other things. If you were going to say it, yeah, I was.
You were thinking it, yes, But this is where you and I know you're really young, baby, This is a really beautiful opportunity for you to practice self worth and to practice what you actually want from a relationshipre you're willing to accept that's right, because what you allow will persist, and what you don't stand for will actually stop those
behaviors from coming in. So say, if he's creating confusion in your mind now and this is not actually what you want, you don't want the confusion and you don't want to stand for that, it's time that you put your foot down and go, Hey, I'm actually not allowing this behavior anymore. This doesn't feel good for me. Yeah, like this wishy washy in between like uncertainty, Absolutely fucking not.
I think you would really respect you too to say that. He'd be like, oh gosh, she's the one who knows what she wants. That's right. It's like step up to the plate mate. If you're not ready to be here and fully be here with me, then I'm going to find someone that will. Yeah, and you probably set him free, or he'll step up to the plate and you get to give him that choice.
He's also young as well, right, he doesn't sound like he's willing enough to be super honest with you about being like, hey, I'm going to cut this off. He wants to ride the wave, unfortunately, and not saying that he's using you or anything. I'm sure you guys have a great time together and there's connection and all that hair I love, But he doesn't sound like he's taking you seriously in the way that I believe that you would deserve.
And what you're desiring and what you're desiring. Yeah, you're not on the same page. So I think you need to, Yeah, practice yourself worth. Know that you deserve more, and there is someone out there that would be willing and wanting to give that to you so naturally.
And here's the thing as well, if you are wanting to call in a new level or a quotation's new caliber relationship, you have to be willing to stop entertaining the old stuff first before the new stuff will come in, right, Because you can't entertain someone who's wishy washy about you but then be like, I want the high caliberman who
chooses me. It just doesn't work like that, because the universe or whoever that you believe in is going to require you to believe in yourself first and foremost and go, I choose me first. Yeah, Because this situation, this situation right now.
Is screaming to you.
Do you choose him or do you choose yourself? Yeah? And this is the work for you.
Yeah, we'd love an update.
Don't stress you're so young. There are eight billion people in the world. There will be men who will want to worship the ground that you walk on and a crust me. They are out there, and they.
The boys from your hometown.
That's right, and they'll be honest, open, clear about what they want and you won't feel confused.
Yeah, you deserve better, you really do. We'd love an update. But take care of yourself and choose yourself. Don't abandon yourself. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Stand on, business girl, fucking own it. You are worthy of good quality relationships, and you are worthy of people treating you well.
And choosing you one hundred percent. Yes, twenty five percent when it suits him. That's right. You know. Dirt bike thing? Yeah, the dorbe.
I think I want to hear about your fucking dirt bike.
Read a roommate. I don't talk about your dirt bikes right now. I'm hurting. I'm in pain. I've got end over, you know. Take care of me, take care of me, love on me, be gentle with me. What do you say to me? Love me, never leave me. But yeah, stand on business girl.
This is you giving yourself an opportunity to choose yourself one hundred percent, and trust me, you will feel so much better on the other side.
I agree. Give us an update, we'd love to hear it. We'll see you tomorrow. Take care bye,