Happy Monday and welcome to your mental Health mini. This week's guest is Alexis Nyers. And we are talking addiction. Drugs saved my life. Like they actually ended up saving my life because I probably would have taken my life had I not had drugs because of the amount of pain that I was in before the drugs. There was clearly a problem and most people don't look at it that way. They go, oh, the drugs are the problem, right? Like your life got really bad
because you were on drugs. And it's like, no, my life was really bad. And then I found drugs, which was a temporary solution to my pain. And then that pain kept growing. And so I needed more and more drugs. If we have to look at that underlying cause of the pain, and we have to be willing to go in and heal that. But each person's pain is their own. Everyone has the right to heal it when they're ready to. And I have a really hard time with people forcing that on other people.
And I think we as a society need to ask ourselves this. Why is this person's behavior, addiction, whatever it might be, bothering us so much? Is it because I'm afraid for people to think that I have a challenging kid? Is it because our family looks different? Is it because it's triggering unmet stuff and myself and my own psyche? Is it because I know that I've
played a part in this, right? And it's like when we start focusing more on ourselves and not so much on that other person, and we start having empathy for that other person, that person will begin to heal just through that, right?
Like some of the most profound work that I've had the honor of participating in with others when facilitating care for somebody who's using substances or self harming or whatever it might be, is really working with the family to heal themselves first and then dropping all of the shame and all of the shaming, right? And presenting our case.
And so when we do so from a place of unconditional love with no manipulation, no shaming and no judgment, usually that person who's hurting begins to feel safe enough to open up and to recognize that they are unconditionally loved. And there is no greater and more powerful motivator than feeling unconditionally loved. Most of these kids don't feel unconditionally loved. The love is very much so conditional. You use drugs, we're going to shame you. I feel a little less loved.
You know what I mean? And unconditional love is so powerful. It is, you know, like, I meet you where you're at. You don't have to change for me. I'm concerned about you just because I love you so much and I am so sorry that I ever tried to make you change or to be any different. And I am so sorry for any part that I've played in harming you. And like, I want to talk about this and I want to have these conversations and I want to take
responsibility for my part. And I want to be a part of your life no matter what, whether you choose to stop using drugs or not. And I know for some parents that are like, this is radical. You're telling your teen that they can use drugs. And no, I mean, like, if the goal, though, is to get this person off drugs, interventions and behavioral health treatment is not going to be the golden ticket. I can guarantee you that.
And what happens, especially at these places now we're seeing the fact that they get put on so many drugs, they end up walking out on like 15 different meds. And those meds fuck your brain up for the rest of its life, right? And then they end up with me at 35, they start at 16. And then they're in the revolving door of toxic treatment centers and you're out, you know, potentially hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars. And you're like, why? How did we get here?
It's because we've never dealt with the root, which is so not productive because no one's really doing the work. No one's really doing the work. We, we're still pointing fingers as if the person who is expressing the pain in the family unit, who is, you know, some people call them the black sheep, right? Some people would identify them as the identified patient or the problem child or whatever it might be. And we're not looking at like the dysfunction and the rest of the family unit.
And so these people get sober or they get better at these facilities and then they go home and the work is not sustained because they're now triggering not only your personal pain again, but the belief systems that we have about who we are and our worthiness and our security and our safety and all of those things too. So it's like, well, the only thing that is constantly reliable in my life is the drug
addiction. If you enjoyed this week's mental Health mini, you can listen to the full episode. It is episode 66 featuring Alexis Nyers. A link to the full episode is in the show notes. As always, make sure to leave a review, subscribe, share with a friend or family member, and follow at She Persisted Podcast. Thanks for listening.