Welcome to, she persisted, I'm your host CD son. Every Friday. I post interviews about mental health, dialectical behavioral therapy and Teenage life. These episodes break down my mental health Journey. Teach skills to help you cope with life and showcase testimonials from individuals, including teens, just like you.
Whether you've struggled yourself or just want to improve your mental Fitness, this podcast is your inspiration to live a life you love and keep persisting this week on she persisted I just feel like you shouldn't have to wait till you're older. To develop leader or ship skills and to develop and to learn how to lead be a leader in your own life. That's like this idea of like
being the CEO of your own. Life is very important to me to teach because I think young people sit a little passive and think that life is just happening to them and they're being like forced to go to school and I have to do this may have to that but that's a very that's a very low.
Vibration way to be in the world if you think that like your day is full of things, I like you have to do and You don't have a lot of choice, so I try to show them the shift of, like, taking the ownership showing that you have a lot of chances to, to advocate for yourself to lead to be in the driver's seat of your own life. This week's DBT skill is the radical acceptance skill. When I think of becoming the CEO of your life, the DBT the skill that comes to mind is radical
acceptance. It is definitely not an easy skill to master, but it is so profound. And it's really at the core of dialectical behavioral therapy, and it's one of my favorite skills. So what is radical acceptance? Radical means all the way. Completely, totally 100%. It's accepting with your mind, your heart and your body. It's when you stop fighting reality, it's when you let go of those negative emotions surrounding something, not going the way you want it to and you
let go of bitterness. When things do not go your way. So what are you accepting? You are accepting reality as it is which is the facts about the past and the present, even if you don't necessarily like them, you Are accepting that there are limitations on the future for everyone, but you only need to accept the realistic limitations. You're accepting that everything has a cause, including events and situations that cause pain and suffering.
And lastly, that life can be worth living even with painful events in it. So why do we accept reality? The first reason is that rejecting reality doesn't change reality. It really just causes more pain and more suffering to fight against that. The second reason is that changing reality requires first accepting that reality is as it is. And then what steps you can take to shift. That the third thing is that pain can't be avoided.
It's a Nature's Way of signaling to us that something's wrong. Something's out of alignment. So denying that that pain is, there isn't going to get us anywhere and that leads right into the fourth reason which is that rejecting reality can turn pain into suffering. So to kind of make that distinction pain is not avoidable, but suffering is and rejecting reality turns that paint into.
To separate the fifth reason is that refusing to accept reality can keep you stuck in unhappiness, bitterness anger sadness, shame and other painful. Emotions sixth acceptance may lead to sadness, but in most
cases a deep calmness follows. And lastly the way past what you're struggling with is through there's no around there's no like side to shortcut that we're going to take and so when you refuse to accept that struggle and misery is involved in taking that path through you're just going backwards and your Staying in the struggle. So again radical acceptance, complete 100% acceptance of reality.
It's kind of like a peaceful openness of like I might not like this, but this is what it is, and that's okay. And then you're able to move forward, you're able to get out of those painful emotions and continue on with your life. Hello, hello and welcome back to she persisted. I am so excited to have you here today. We have an amazing interview with Sarah hernholm.
She is the founder of wit. We will get more into that in a moment but I realized last night, I woke up in the middle of the night and I was like, wait a minute, it's Valentine's Day. It marks four days to the date, that I started my journey at McClain and my parents and I flew across the country and it was really like a huge turning point in my mental health Journey. It was The beginning of the end of my suffering, it was.
When I first of the first time ever, in my entire life started investing in myself trusting, others enough to help me wanting to get better and wanting a life for myself, which was a huge shift from where I was at. And so I started my journey at McLain suicidally depressed struggling with self harm and such dysfunctional relationships and being so depressed. So hopeless. So anxiety-ridden, just really at my lowest of lows. Fourteen weeks later, I left.
And I was starting to build a life that I loved and that I looked forward to and I was no longer plagued by this depression and anxiety and suicidality. And so it was four months of intense growth and it changed my life. It's saved my life. If you are considering treatment, I'll put a link in the show notes below because I think it's just a great resource to be aware of even if you're like doesn't even relate to you
at all. If you hear someone that's like considering treatment are researching, I can't speak. Kylie enough of it. So if you ever need to pass along recommendation threes McLean, Hospital is in the show notes, but today's episode is an amazing one. So, in line with me, beginning, right? Treatment Journey because it is about taking ownership of your life. It is about being the CEO of your life. It is about being a Discerning
individual. When it comes to the habits, you're engaging in who you're surrounding yourself with what values, you're living your life by this is just an amazing conversation with so much value and insight. I Connected with Sarah when we were talking about doing a podcast Swap and she gave me the tough love that I needed at the moment which was like, you need to hold yourself to a higher standard from a work perspective, from a podcast perspective with how you're investing your time.
And I needed that at that moment and to know that like what I was doing with balancing, everything was not sustainable and that something needed to shift and that my time and my talent was valuable. And so after that conversation, I knew I had to have her own she persisted And I knew I had to share her story and her value with you guys as well, and this conversation does not disappoint. So like I said, today's guest is Sarah her home.
She is a former Elementary School teacher and she is now an entrepreneur. She is the founder of wit, which stands for whatever it takes and she works with twins around the world who are interested in using their voices and ideas to launch businesses, nonprofits, and or School movements. So they focus on helping tweens and teens develop emotional intelligence. Skills that entrepreneurial mindset. And and that's exactly what we
dive into this discussion. We talked about why leadership skills are so crucial for teens to develop how age and worth a thick are not mutually exclusive. Exactly how you can start to take ownership of your life and so much more. So with that, let's dive into it, I hope you enjoy. As always, if you do, make sure to leave a review on Apple podcast and Spotify share with a friend or family member post on social media and the other Thing I wanted to mention is that all of the video for.
She persisted episodes are on my YouTube channel which is in the show notes. So if you're listening to this and you're like, I'd rather watch this on video. Check out the link in the show notes, head over to YouTube and watch us having this conversation. So, with that being said, let's Dive In. Well, thank you so much, Sarah for joining me today on to persisted. I'm so excited to have you on the show. I just, I don't know if you realize, but you helped me so much when we connected it
initially. And so I knew that you'd be able to help so many other people through the podcast. And so I'm just so honored to have you on the show. Thank you for having me, of course. So I want to start by hearing your journey in hearing about how you came to working with teens, being a mental health advocate advocating so much for teens and what, how life brought you to that point? Well, I mean, I'm I'm a lot older than you so it's been quite a journey.
So if there's like specific parts of the dream, that you want me to touch on because I just think it's really important for people to understand. Even those listening that life is just not linear, there's a lot of twists and turns. I mean, I've had a career in television and film, I was a school teacher at one point and now I've been running my Organization for over 10 years. So, there's a lot of life that's happened to this point. So my life was not one that I went to college. College.
And then I started this career that I've been. I've been I've stayed in for for many years. So it's been a lot of twists and turns to get where I am. And that said, it all makes sense to be where I am, which is really fun about life and fun about getting older.
Is that sometimes when you're in something, you just cannot understand why you have to go through it or why things are happening how they're happening, but it's fun when you get some, get some miles on you and get Some years that you can go. Oh yeah, yeah that makes sense. So lots of twists and turns got me where I am. Yeah no I remember the exact same thing with my mental health Journey.
It wasn't until like I had the emotional distance and being a couple years out of it, where I was like, okay, I understand why these things happen. I understand why. Now it has like this innate sense of purpose and meet and I'm so passionate about mental health because I struggled myself and that wouldn't be there. Unless I'd gone through that Journey. But in the moment I was like there is literally Lee no reason for which I am experiencing. This is terrible.
This is awful. So, hindsight is 20/20. So why did you start doing what? I know that you, you had another career beforehand? Did you notice a gap in the market where you like, I wish I had this as a teen. What happened there? That inspired you. So the the Catalyst first starting wit whatever it takes, which is the nonprofit business, nonprofit organization that I start that I run. It was a layoff.
So I think that's also really important people to, I was laid off three years or four years in a row, as a school teacher, due to budget cuts, and the last year of layoffs, it was it was time to kind of reflect about what am I doing. This. This cycle is really unhealthy for me to be working really hard at a job and being really great at it and then being at the mercy of a system that's broken. And I think everybody would agree that the education system
is broken. Some might think more severe Lee than others. But I've never met anybody who thinks that education system is like really Stellar hierarchical. Yeah and our country, right? So I just had this feeling which maybe other people can relate to where you go. Wait a second. I don't like feeling that I'm at the mercy of somebody else.
I don't like that feeling and I just sat with that, and then I asked myself a really important question and I was deathly where I was on a walk and this, by the bay and where I live in San Diego and I said, If you know, you could wake up tomorrow and do anything, what would it be? And my answer came very easily.
It wasn't like I want to say that to everybody that it wasn't like the skies parted and all of a sudden you know, it was just a very simple just thought that came to me in response to that question that I posed to myself. And and the answer was that I wanted to help young people be of service to others because I had seen how much that had transformed the In my classroom, when we were doing service projects, when we were showing up for other people, I saw an increase in self-confidence.
I saw an increased and knowledge. And what I mean by that is we would take on big projects. Like we took on Hurricane Katrina happen. When I was a school teacher and I was teaching fourth grade, as my first year of teaching, fourth teaching, I love those kids. I'm still in touch with many of them today, which is such a blessing and they wanted to help
and they wanted to do something. And you know, one of the things that we that they did was they decided they adopt the library that had been destroyed and they wanted to do a book drive and then they wanted to mail the books out, but we had to raise money for the postage for the book boxes. But there's a lot of math that goes into realizing how much things are going to cost and what kind of boxes we should
use. And so we would do these service projects while also addressing academic standards. But of course, as we all know, and learning is fun, we We usually retain the information more and to see are the young people in my classroom, then get written about in newspapers because of the work that they were doing and seeing their
confidence increase. I just thought I wonder if I could do that at a bigger scale and the first idea was to go back to my roots and TV and film and Pitch as a TV show of kids, giving back and ABC said, go get footage of that. And so I went to a school and I started filming footage of different service projects, talent shows that Ed to raising money to build a water. Well in Africa on and on and on.
And here we are over ten years later with lots of pivots and our business model and no TV show. But a documentary in progress, but I've been saying that for years now so we'll see if that ever comes to fruition. But that was really it like just the looking at being not liking my current, my situation and I'm really big.
I don't like people that just wanting about stuff and don't do anything about it. Like that's, that's a deal breaker for me and dating and pretty much a deal-breaker for me in Shapes. Like, if all you're doing is bitching about something over and over and over again and not taking action on it. Like, that's just, that's not how I am. So I just I was unkind, I didn't like what was happening to me, I sat with that. I got pissed. I felt all my feelings.
Then I was like, well what would you do if you could do anything? And then I got my answer and then I made the choice to I mean I was laid off but they might have brought me back in the fall but I collected unemployment. And during this that summer I just worked on this business idea. And obviously never went back to that career. And now I'm, you know, I've been doing what I've been doing for
over a decade. Wow, so I want to talk to you about leadership and I think it's pretty unique that you are so passionate, about giving teens leadership skills, I feel like there's really like a narrative, okay? Like once you're an adult, you'll learn leadership.
It's something that comes along further down the line, but your leader is like and every single day in life, like whether you're doing a group project or you are starting a business or something like that, it's a very important skill. So I wanted to get your perspective on that of why you think it's so important for teens to Is leadership skills early on in life? Well, it could be because I see such poor adult leadership skills, right? This is true. I mean, remember, I'm older than
you. So, and I'm running a company where I need to hire and fire people so I can tell you what I see, come through the door and what's been developed and what's not been developed. And that's that's really great for me to be able to go, oh my gosh, like this trend that I'm seeing in people, coming into the job market is like you know, is not is not good. How can we address that into it with our younger demographics, to help?
Make sure that they're not like that when they when they're and when they're entering the job market. So that that's why it's important to me because these people will eventually be running companies and I could have hired them. I mean, I'm more inclined to hire my current teenagers. And I am to hire most young
adults and that's true. And people will know that if they fact check this because I do paid internships at with, I hire people, I I think age is a good determinant on whether or not you have like good work ethic. I mean, I think young people just need to get they didn't then go to seem to get more experience working.
And that's, they also haven't been in like, the corporate cycle for like 20 or 30 years like that itself does something to the work ethic, like you had an eight passion, and drive, and kids. And I also, I just think sometimes the way the school system is set up its that At. The administration, the teacher is here, and the student is here. And so higher, you know, hot that, you know, and and the child is lower.
And so, the leader is supposed this person that has the power, the higher part, which is a teacher in the oven. But I really try to tell my young people. You actually have the power. You the customer in your school like you are the customer. You are without you. That's cool. Does not get funding. That school. Doesn't get donors at school. Doesn't get recognition for great, SAT scores. Or getting into top colleges. They need you.
And so knowing that doesn't mean that you act cocky or arrogant, but know that you should be setting, you should be advocating for yourself, you should be taking on, you should be building programs and clubs that give you a chance to make change in your school or put you in leadership roles to use your voice. It's sometimes what happens is though. There's like this kids will be like, oh yeah, you're right. And so then they want to like go
fight the system, right? Because it's also like very age-appropriate As a teenager to like fight a system. Yeah. But we know that we don't get ahead if we come in guns blazing, right? Like we just like know that that's not how things work. But if you come in like with a clear plan or with good ideas and thoughtful ideas, I'm not saying that every Administration will listen to them because they don't I've seen them been around for years so they don't, but there's other ways to get your
word out. The word out to about got the kind of things that you want to see, change in education using different platforms and different press. But I just feel like you should Have to wait till you're older to develop leader or ship skills and to develop and to learn how to lead be a leader in your own life.
That's like this idea of like being the CEO of your own life is very important to me to teach because I think young people sit a little passive and think that life is just happening to them and they're being like forced to go to school and I have to do this and I have to that but that's a very that's a very low. Vibration way to be in the world if you think that like your day is Is full of things like you have to do and when you don't
have a lot of choice. So I try to show them the shift of, like, taking the ownership showing that you have a lot of chances to, to advocate for yourself to lead to be in the driver's seat of your own life. That's important to me. I love that this week's episode is brought to you by teen
counseling. We talked about it in the intro, but mental health treatment and therapy were a game changer for me. When I was struggling with severe depression and anxiety that was what really pulled me out of my low and enabled me to take ownership of my life to use skills, to improve my life to build healthy relationships and so many different things. So, what teen counseling is, is it is a branch of better help specifically for teenagers.
It's an online Therapy Program with a Teen licensed therapist within the network and they offer support on things like anxiety, depression, relationships, trauma, and more, all via, talk text and video counseling. So what you're going to do is you're going to go to teen counseling.com, she persisted, and you're going to fill out a quick survey about what you're hoping to work on.
So maybe that's cool stress, maybe that's time management, maybe it's family relationships, whatever it is, you fill it out on the survey, and they use the survey to match you with a therapist that meets your needs from, there you'll go. Ahead and enter a parents email for consent for treatment and none of the information that you share on the survey is shared
with your parent. That is purely to match you with the right therapist and they send a pretty nondescript email to your parents saying, Sadie or whatever your name is, is hoping to work with a therapist from Teen counseling. Please click the link below to learn more and give consent and I sent the email to myself. I try to you guys. Don't worry and none of your information is disclosed that confidentiality is protected. So this is an amazing resource.
And because it's talk text and video, you can have a therapist, really meet you, where you're at and what level support you're looking for. You don't have to deal with waiting on a waiting list for months or weeks to meet with a therapist and person. You don't have to deal with going into the office for the first time and navigating that awkwardness. I've been there, I understand. So this is just a great solution all around.
So to start your therapy Journey today, head to teen counseling.com says, she persisted. So you talked about being the CEO of your own life. It's a loaded question. I tend to ask a lot of those on the podcast but if you could give like a really quick masterclass on like two or three skills that you think are crucial to that in a way that a teenager can apply that in their life that be. If you're someone's like I want to take more ownership, I have no idea where to start where do
they begin? I think the first thing would be to take inventory or reflect on where you see the victim mindset showing up in your life. Life. So I mean I think even like looking at your language, right? So how do you talk about your day? How do you talk about your life? How do you? So let's just take the big Flex them. I got them acting like I'm like a kid using like the term, it's not a flag of a graphic, not too great. It's good job because I like don't I don't need to try to be
cool. Like I they can be cool. I'm just helping him out but like when people think it's like a flax to say how busy they are and how tired they are. Are you okay? When they like oh my God I had so much homework. I couldn't sleep. Yeah I'm so tired. I'm so tired of my God, I'm so tired. It's like I was a bullet. So what I hear is like wow you have really bad time management skills and it's a really poor self-care routine.
I don't hear. Oh my God, you're just so amazing and you're so big, it's not cool. I don't and so that is it. That's and that's an example of to me, not being a CEO of your own life. A Bo would never show up to the boardroom saying how tired they were and how overwhelms they were. That's not a power move. So like it's saying, like where are you saying using language that you think is showing that you're like, cool or you have a full light?
I don't know how to, I don't know, the best I'd terminology for it but it's this idea of going like CEOs, don't talk like that. CEOs, go. It's really important that I'm able to show up for myself first and then might the mission and the team. So we're like I tell somebody be the CEO of your own life in
terms of your health. I mean, if people are out like you're in college, I mean, I mean I mean rocking the delusional, we know high schoolers drink, but if you're out, binge drinking, if you're out, like, literally late and you're doing things like, okay, whatever, like you're allowed to do those kinds of thing. I mean legally, hopefully
whatever. But I mean, it's it's like that's not a healthy choice for your body and for your mind, if you're trying to be somebody or you're using language. See, here's a deal cuz I'm getting a little like just bear with me here. Here's a deal.
Your words and your actions have to line up if you really want to just live a life that's like pretty amazing meaning if you're talking about wanting to be like running your own company or being the head of this or working for this thing or doing like being in these like really like Were in Shaker positions in your and eventually in your in the world.
But your actions on a daily basis and weekly basis are ones of somebody who are that looked like, they'd be the behavior of somebody who's, okay, living a mediocre life and being more average than you're going to have a problem, you're going to. So my thing is, like just lining it up and maybe you don't have to have some big drastic overhaul but it can be like small. It can be small changes think about the things that you've been saying in your brain over
and over again. Maybe It sounds like you keep telling yourself that you're going to eat healthier, or you're going to wake up earlier or you're going to work out three times a week, whatever your thing is but you don't do it, that's not a CEO, CEO will do it. So pick one thing that you everybody knows the one thing that they're almost so sick and tired of telling themselves that they're going to do and they haven't done it.
Pick that thing. Execute it, incorporate it into your life for And then pick another thing and just slowly start lining it up. It could be as easy as I tell myself that I'm going to drink, you know, we're going to I'm going to drink two, three bottles of water a day and then maybe. Yeah. And then you say that you never do it.
Maybe today is it a? You just drink the damn water, just drink the water day so you can get that off of your list that you you not keeping your own word to yourself. Is is not does not do good things to your body. And to your soul. If you are continuously breaking, you're breaking your word to yourself. That's not a good move now, you're like not prioritizing your relationship. You're not respecting yourself. You're not believing that you're worth doing that.
And I think two things at the what you're saying, really made me think of one is like the idea that if you're not progressing or depressing and if you're like okay I want to live this dream life someday. Well you're on the trajectory.
So you're either like purposely going in the opposite direction by having Habits making bad decisions or your slowly working towards that point and you're like, yeah, maybe drinking my three bottles of water everyday, doesn't seem like it, but if you're dehydrated and you can't put any effort into anything like you're going in the opposite direction. And another thing that I really like that I think goes along with this is the idea that like every moment is an opportunity
to recommit to your goals. If you like we get really stuck in the mindset that like oh I didn't do my workout today, I'll just start next week or I didn't drink my water today whatever. Ever. A single moment is an opportunity to recommit to this either larger goal or the smaller goal and continue to get on that trajectory towards what
you're aiming for 100 percent. I mean that would we have his 11 tips for doing with one of them is it's a choice and there's really you have so many chances to make choices. Like let's say you have said that you're going to work out today and you haven't but you really could do a 10-minute hit. Work out in your room. You can break a spot in 10 minutes if you're doing a hit workout. So, it's just doing those things following through.
And I think that, I think if I could teach young, especially young women, because I think something that I struggled when I was younger and as a teenager and as a young adult, is that a lot of the, the work that I was doing, or the things I was trying to make myself better, I thought I could motivate myself to do those things through like negative. Self-talk was almost, like I would bully myself into doing
those things or shame myself. Elf and to doing those things, or if I didn't do something, I was like really hard on myself. And so, then I'd like punish myself the next day with something and I wish I would have learned younger that that's not a sustainable behavior and not a loving Choice. It can the, the fucked-up thing is that sometimes it actually can get you results. But it doesn't have that what's so hard about it. Yeah. But they're not long-term sustainable.
What is is radically loving yourself and accepting yourself through those things and really working on the positive? Self-talk and my girls will sometimes like laugh because I'll say like, oh yeah I look in the mirror sometimes and be like like, you know it's been a rough one but like you got it. Like you can do it like good job.
Like I will like do positive. It's not in my fake, it's very honest for me. But that wasn't how I used to be, I would actually look at myself and be very hard on myself and think that if I, that if I would just the heart, like the harder I was then the more I would improve. And I, when I share this with the young people I work with, I say, you have to think about it in terms of, have you ever experienced or ever seen someone get bullied into more love for
themselves and better Behavior? Sure. It doesn't go that Tick Tock Trend right now, though. Is it? What is that? Yeah, it's like so basically, it's all my gosh. I wish I could remember the sound. It's Like Only Love Hurts like this. I think is the sound and it shows someone like really unhappy before and then they do have this whole transfer. It's like a breakup kind of thing.
So I guess it's not really like bullying bullying but it's like that really negative experience and that like really - relationship that like builds that growth. But then I agree with you that like, when things are built out of that like - Space is not long-lasting. It's not sustainable, I guess if you're in like the after part and you're like, I hate being treated this way.
I'm going to treat myself differently and then you like have this radical self-love that allows you to have this personal growth. I think that is totally valid and could be really sustainable. But yeah, you also see young people old people. It doesn't matter. I don't think age has anything to do with it but women wanting romantic Partners to show up in ways for them and talk to them
in ways that they don't. Don't show up for themselves or talk to themselves, which is really interesting to dive into and to just like, take take it, you know, to observe that women will want their romantic partner to do, all these like things for them and then say, all these things to them, but in the quiet of their own home and in their own soul, they're not showing up for themselves like that and they're not speaking to themselves like that. And so then they put all their
like power into this. Other human. And then, you see, really toxic codependent and healthy relationships happening with young, women starting in high school and I see it all the time and I see it all the time. High school relationships are very toxic. I don't think we talked about that enough. They are not a good time. I mean there's anything is I mean, like I said it being older.
I mean, I look back and I go, she's like those, those relationships and those experiences in high school and in college, they do form a lot of But they do make an impact. So you really want to like handle what's happening there. This is what you do. You Harriet immediately very organic and AIDS ASAP. No it's totally, totally true. I completely agree. I want to hear your perspective on the connection between this like self-love this radical
self-acceptance. This self-esteem and Leadership entrepreneurship. How you're showing up as others view? You, do you think there's a connection there if so what are the steps is 1/2? To come before the other. What do you see? I've been in yourself, or with the girls you're working with? Well, yeah, I do. I mean, will hurt people, hurt people. So we know that. So if you're hurting and not in a level of like self love and self exceptions, the chances are, you're probably hurting
other people. You're probably projecting that pain that you're feeling that you're not addressing on to other people. We see this happen all the time. I've been a recipient of this, I've told the story many times, but There was a girl that hosted an Instagram live.
The teenage girl that was just she was just tearing me apart and talk about how ugly I am and like all these different things and and other teen girls reached out to me and said, did you know that they're there, she had you on us, the guests, know she was upset because she didn't movie, I invited her on our podcast and she knows she knows showed me. And then to told me that I mean the day of the recording and she said when I reached out to her
she didn't get back to me for a couple days and then When she reached out to me, she said you don't have a high fly high and you didn't have a high enough follower count for me to make it worth my time. And so, I use that as a teachable moment in my community and went live on, on my Instagram. And I said, here's a deal. This is why that's a really bad choice to like, to be unto
stand. Somebody up based on a follower account, like we put so much pressure and so much leverage on. Like how many followers they have? Did that. That's not how you really like. Build a business. That's not. I mean, anyway, I used it as a teachable moment and there. I got so many people writing me and saying, oh my gosh, I totally appreciate. Thank you for saying this. I feel so much pressure with this like follower count, whatever.
And while I didn't mention the girl's name, I did share her DM and people could see her profile pic and they knew who it was. I don't really care. I mean, I feel like if you like, I don't know, you don't get to put people on blast and then not take it yourself. If I don't, but I don't agree
with that. Like, if you're gonna like talk smack about somebody, then they can have a chance respond and her response that what she did was she went on a live and then just like went to just pick me apart physically and everything. So let's find mean whatever. I, the funny thing was that I actually the teens reach out to me and told me this was happening. And so, I logged on and I watched it, that's kind of how funny it was.
As like, I actually watch somebody like tearing me apart but what I knew for sure, was that girl was hurting because hurt people, hurt people. All. And that's she was embarrassed. I'm sure. And she probably liked regretted that she had done what she did but that my purpose was not to like it was more just to say, like, people there's so much this pressure on this like follower count and how you treat people matters.
There's like the energy that you put out there comes back to you and disregarding somebody because of the follower count or hey, you can choose not. If I don't want to come on your podcast this morning, I could have messaged you in. I said, I've changed my mind. I don't want to go, but you don't stand somebody up. You don't like how do you sit here and wait for that? That's not good. We had audio issues the first time and I emailed you. And I was like, I'm so sorry about the Apple Store.
Try to get a new cord. Like I didn't just like the I let you know, yes, that that courtesy like, regardless like you've committed and then there's a time commitment, you have to honor like it's just you don't just disappear into thin air and of course things happen. Like if there's like a huge emergency and you fall off and I'm like, you're like I'm so sorry totally I stare and that's actually I was concerned that maybe Thing happened to her, right?
So then but then I saw her posting on her Instagram so I knew she was like fine but long we got off on a tractor but I was my point for that story was to say somebody who hosts a live and the whole focus is to hurt them and to insult them in to pick apart their body and all of that is hurting. So we know that people that are healed, don't do that. People that are love themselves and working on themselves, don't
do that. And so the connection and on if that's like a really That was a really good example. But I even I let's put it back on me and say in my life, okay? When let's take, when I see sometimes I'm going to space for, I'm very feeling, very good with where I am in my work in my business and it's very easy for me to celebrate other people.
Sometimes I feel really insecure and I feel like I'm not enough and I feel like I haven't done enough and I feel like It should be bigger and better and further along and all of these things and I feel and I feel insecure. Well, what does that look like? What happens? Then I can sometimes like see people's success and I feel jealous and I feel I'm and my the then I start like, although never publicly because I'm intelligent and having them know not to do that, but I'll hear my
inner voice being like. Yeah, but I like know that she's like, blah, blah, blah, or at least I should, and I'm like, oh, when I do that, it's my alert. Eat to go. Oh Sarah, what do you need to heal? Like, what's going on? Because you're usually really good at being able to like, lift somebody else up or advocate, for their success, or share, their story and be like, check out my friend, she's doing this
and or it'll be okay. So that's how it can look like a business or I can feel like really good in my romantic life and then it's easy for me to celebrate other people. And there's or if I'm feeling like that area of my life is, Stagnant or doesn't look how I want. I can start scrolling on Instagram and start feeling really jealous think. Oh my God. That's so obnoxious. Yeah, they're probably like, oh, you think it's probably good. That's probably that's I use
that. That's my gauge is like, am I able What to do, what is really is how I love to walk in the world, which is to celebrate other people, lift other people up. While also feeling really good about my place in the world, that is where I like to. That's how I like to flow. If I'm, if I'm feeling jealous or if I'm feeling insecure, it shows up as jealousy. And so, and then it shows up as me, kind of like its primary and secondary emotions, I literally released an episode on Monday,
all about this. It was like a doozy. It was a lot of Of information thrown at people. But I touched on that. Exactly. And people don't know to look for those things. Like, they don't know that like, they're feeling jealousy. Something else could be happening internally that they haven't processed through. Yeah, I mean, somebody else can be pretty and you can be pretty too, and somebody else could be successful, the scarcity versus abundance like.
And then when I'm the same way, like I remember at the beginning of the podcast, when I had like two reviews, the idea of writing someone review that had the same number of reviews for as me again. Oh no, like because then they'll have more reviews than I do, or is now I'm like, I do not care. If they have 30,000 more reviews and me, if I think they're doing a great thing, I read review and it's like that scarcity versus
abundance thing. And it's like when you're insecure you really do think like there's a scarce amount of success that can be like divvied up among people and then when you're like, feeling good, you're like know there's enough to go around for everyone and I think I wish the education system because that's I come back that a lot because that is where our children. Aaron are spending most their day 8 hours, 10 hours a day in a system and its education system.
We're not doing the best job equipping them with Tools around. It'll be their emotional intelligence and just building a toolbox because we're beating it down that like grades grades grades AP is whatever whatever. But where is that? Where is the toolkit to understand? And be able to talk about these kinds of things, you're feeling this way because the competition is so intense and High School, Cool for like getting into the school which is such bullshit. It's just such bullshit, but
whatever. Okay, so get that, if they were to teach abundant mindset and that you can trust that, you know, life will unfold in a way that serves you at your highest good. Well, well, I think that people make a lot of money off of our kids being stressed out. You spend more money on test prep, you stumped, spend more money on tutors. You spend more money on like
private coaches. You do all these different things when they're stressed, if they were like, learning how to regulate, Maybe they'd be maybe they people would make as much money off of them. So, I just don't believe. I do not believe that. All this talk about supporting our youth mental health is really fully. Grant is is really fully true operate very differently. If they if it was this week's episode is brought to you by saqqara. You guys have heard me talk
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Now, having that inside of being an adult, what would you say? I used to get asked that question a lot. I'd be asked and the kids built this business years ago with called it was called sixteen-year-olds out. I think it was about like what they go over and ask people to
question. Celebrities everybody what advice would you give your 16 year old self and my my answer used to be. He's not worth it because I was very boy-crazy in high school and I spent a lot of time worrying about what E and insert whatever boy's name. You know, based on where it would school I was out of work. I was doing what he was thinking about me and then letting that determine how I felt about myself and I still would give that advice because I still see people.
I still see boys and girls putting way too much weight into what somebody else thinks about them and letting that letting their opinion than to decide how they feel about themselves.
So I would definitely be like, he's not worth it, she's not worth it. Anybody, whether it's like the girl that's bullying you with a guy that you whatever, it's like, they're just as people are like, not worth it because they're not really going to be in your life later on because you're in this like weird world for this time in your life and this chapter of your life where you're forced to be around people. I don't, I'm not forced to be around anybody. Truly.
I mean, I'm really not because I run my own business. If I don't want to work with you, I just don't work. Video. You know, but it's cool like you're forced to be in the hallways. You're forced to be on there obviously. Like you're assigned to a group project together and you're like great. So there's a lot of like things where you just want to say like oh my God, just get through it, just get through it because it gets better for sure.
The other thing I would say is it's so cliche cuz I don't know how I could have learned it. Because I know people were helping you with this but like loving myself and Because people thought I was people thought I was different than I was. I was a popular girl. So I think people thought I had some certain things, I kind of figured out that I didn't and I was very insecure. I struggle with an eating
disorder. I also was a very social person and I like I mean, it just there's a lot of things that I was dealing with in high school went to three different high schools, went to college prep school and then a public school for a hot second. And then to boarding school was bullied at boarding school. The Semester, pretty bad. And so I also would want to, I also say to myself, like I was really, really strong and resilient in ways that I
shouldn't have had to be. so, if anything I would say to my 16 year old self You should have pushed back more on those adults that Administration that were not showing up for you and not taking care of you. You should have pushed harder because that, that is their job having. But now that I'm an adult, and I've worked in education, I'm disgusted by some of the choices that school administrations made during my during my struggle. Because when you're younger, you
don't understand. The adult perspective, I'm the adult. And it's horrific. How adults do not show up for young people? Because I see every I see it all now.
And I'm like, wait a second. A child came to you and say that I came to them, and your response, was that like, I would never do that as an advocate and as a teacher and as an adult So, I think to the young people out there, that feel like the people that the adults aren't listening or showing up for you, I really understand that I've been there and you deserve better for sure. Yeah, no, I remember the exact same thing and there's a lot of parallels between our high school experiences.
I also did three different, high schools. One was a private school when I was a boarding school and one was public school. Wow, that's a huge similarity. Isn't that crazy? Totally crazy. Mine was a treatment boarding. School was not a fun time. Also in a different way, but I remember the same experience with high school administrations and trying to get support and not feeling it. I had this one really good friend. My freshman year, I was at
Attracting the energy. I put out all my friends were like severely suicidals. Not a good friend group going on and I remember him telling me that he had like attempted to commit suicide and he had like continual plans going on in her and we're going to guidance counselor and going to a teacher and being like this is not okay, like he needs to be in a hospital like today and they brought in the parents and the parents were like, we don't think that's the right step and
no further steps were taken. So why was there like knowing that this kid might not be there tomorrow? Oh and he was deeply unhappy and deeply unsafe and there was no support given. There was no further steps and I was like what's going to happen there? Like we don't know. Like we can't tell you, we can't support you and this was a school was a private school with
immense amounts of funding. It wasn't like a public school where there's like 30,000 kids and so it was it was a really interesting experience and one that I look back on and it's like kitchen have to shoulder that burden they shouldn't have to deal with being someone else's like tree. Event coordinator and being the sole person. That is aware that someone struggling to that degree.
What's interesting that what I hear in that story is that really sticks that really sticks out to me is that's that does happen, 100% that a teen will tell another teen something and you do feel that right? Like that's very common and then the team goes to the goes to the Counselor, the teacher, the teacher, the principal which in itself is scary because like, then the relationship is like, put on the Rocks now.
Like I don't trust you, but you're like, I'm really scared like I shouldn't have to deal with this. I need to go to an adult, so like that and itself is like a big step that's being taken. So you so that's but that's normal. That is what happens that's happening today. Right? Now as a recording this, that's a kids going through that.
And then you go and you report and then they bring the parents and all of that and they're dealing with that and they tell you like what we do. We can't really help him right now with figured out but you know, it's super missing and that whole story is where was the adult that pulled you aside? And said, let's process what? You just went through, let's process, you hearing that information.
And then having to summon, you know, gather that courage to go say something and how are you feeling knowing that like actions not going to take in? Like we don't want you to carry this. It's like let's let's pray. Assess what you had to do, like, where is that support? Because that's a lot for a young person, even in a, any human to go through. And I just feel like We need space and I we just need places and tool for people. It's and and we need to put the funding towards Counseling in a
way. I mean, it's just there's so much I could say about the systems, but I feel like even in you sharing that it's like you are not also taken care of. Because obviously the focus was on this child who had expressed what he had shared with you but you also that's a weight that you have carried when You have to be the you're monitoring your
doing that and I did that a lot. I would did that a lot growing up is I would be the person that would like to, you know, be around his people that were struggling in. Then I would take on their things and I would lose myself in it. And I would just, and people would say to me, just stop getting involved or like I said, leave it alone. It's not your business, but
that's not who I was. And he realized and it's life and death like what person would just be like, sorry, don't tell me that I'm not interested like it. We take on a lot. I mean now it makes sense because of the work that I do it was and it was very normal for me. It was part of my personality to care to be empathic to see that but like you the vibe attracts the tribe, right? And I was not in the healthiest
place. I probably was not attracting the healthiest Vibes attracted we're done right now. Yeah, no, it's definitely very interesting and it's Yeah, I know, it's something I felt very strongly about. After I left the therapeutic boarding school. I was like, I want a new school. I want a fresh start going back to my old school where I had a tract at this tribe, that was like this older version of me where I was severely struggling.
And then I suddenly was stable, and I was happy and I had things to look forward to and I felt really good about my mental health and I was like, I want a new group of friends that I can attract with this new Vibe and not be back in this environment that doesn't fit anymore. And I think that's something that teens, a lot of the times, like, don't feel They can do like again. It's that very, like, victim mindset where you can't be the CEO of your life. You can't make new relationships.
You can't make these changes because it doesn't feel like you have a lot of autonomy, but you can no one's telling you like, you have to be friends with the same people since preschool. You know. One saying that maybe Society is like well that's normal. But you don't have to and so there's a lot of power that you hold you just have to realize it and take ownership. Yeah and it's yeah I definitely agree with other people for reasons and season.
Ins and lifetimes for sure. And when you change yourself, you know, when you have your own when you are changing, then it makes sense that you would want to be around different different people. I think something else that I want young people are people that are listening to pay attention to around this. Like CEO concept is pay attention. If you have people in your life that when you're happy, or you feel good about yourself, they
don't really like that. So if you, I don't know why this happens a lot with women, but if it's like if you feel good about yourself, if you're like in a if you like like your body or you just like whatever whatever is going on and you kind of put that out and you don't chime in when other women are putting themselves down, they don't really like that.
So there's that scene in Mean Girls for, they're all standing in front of the mirror and they're like, all the girls Those are like saying like how ugly they are and the Katie, the one who's like their new friend, like doesn't say anything. And you're like, why aren't you saying something? And then she like ads on there like responding positively and she's like, what is happening here? Because they're all just attacking.
Yeah. Girl, in front of the mirror, but it's like that, that whole Mark of their friendship. And it's like, what is happening there? Yeah, I get clear, I think if you want to be a CEO, you're building a, you're building a business, okay? You're building a brand. It's about your building a brand. Then you got Clear on your values and what like my top three values or faith, freedom, and families. So everything, those are things that I value the most. So everything goes into those
buckets or they don't. And we do, I don't do it, get clear. And then the people that I attract their values should line up to that because that would just make sense. So I think getting clear on your values getting clear on your mission statement, I would, you know, be really fun to host a thing on this like getting young people to with that means like create your own mission statement. Moment in your life, to create your own values and then live live accordingly.
And and it's a risky because you're probably going to have people leave your life, but then it makes room for the right people to come into your life. Yeah. But if you're like building a business of your life, your hiring team members higher, yes, clothes. So you have to be critical about who you're allowing into your life. You have to make sure that they align with your values that they're fulfilling their
responsibilities. That you are fulfilling your responsibilities in relation to them and so you have to kind of hold yourself up to that. Standard. You have to believe that you matter enough to care that much about your life. And I would even say instead of thinking about, you have to be critical, just be Discerning. I think discernment is we don't talk about that.
Enough about being Discerning about what you consume like who you follow on Instagram. What you watch on television or Netflix or stream and like who you spend your time with think about if you are at the age that you can drink. I mean, I just feel like I have to like, put this caveat in there, but no, but I'm also not stupid. Bad. But you think about like, are there people that only connect with you over when you drink
like that? All the memories that you have of them are people when they're drinking when you're drinking or when you're doing something that's like not your highest vibration then. Is there any friendship? There is any romantic relationship. There is any depth there. If you remove the thing, whether it's complaining, whether it's, you know, participating in substances to like an abuse of, yeah, like whatever the thing is the commiserating, the Do they always talk about hitting their
body? Yeah. Like whatever these things are and then if you remove it, like do guys, is there any there there? And if there's not, thank you, you get one shot at this life. Like and I mean, truly, we get one shot. You've got to look around and be like the top five people. You spend your time with. Are you cool with that? Because if you are that what they're dominant personality traits are yours, top five people are you liking it? If not. pause and like, Very restructure, the team.
We structure the sea level. Absolutely, I couldn't agree more. Well, there's so much great advice in this episode that. I know so many teens are going to find helpful. So many things, they can Implement, which is something that I love sharing on the podcast. Because it's not just these abstract conversations. It's like, okay, now you go implement the things. Restructure, your your top five, or those the values, you're in alignment with what's the
mission statement. So thank you so much, Sarah for Joining me today. Thank you for coming on. She persisted. Where can people find you? Where you can find me on Instagram at Miss, em ISS underscore wit, wi T from there. You can kind of find all the other things that I do. Because there's a length link there to everything and love to connect with you and hear what
you got from this episode. And also if there's things that I just feel like this is a bigger conversation, I'd love to hear people chime in on just how what it looks like to be a CEO in their life and how they're already doing things. Because I think that would also inspire people to hear if you're already kind of making those Moves In Your Life, share with people how you're doing it. Because remember, I'm older than all of you, most of you, I'm sure, listening.
And so it's really helpful. When peer-to-peer share how they're doing it in the real time in a high school setting in a college setting, it's easy, I'm not going to, it's easier for me. Me to implement these things because of the life that I've built, you know, and where my life is right now, but help each other do these things because they will end up really helping you. When you get to my age, this clip will be on an Instagram real. This is what you're watching
right now. So write it in the comments. We want to know what it is. There you go, I love it. Well, thank you again. I'm so glad we got to do this, and I can't wait for the second half of this wop. Thanks for having me. In case you skipped the and Sarah and I had an amazing discussion talking about becoming the CEO of your life. We discuss why leadership skills are crucial for teens to develop how age and worth ethic are not mutually. Exclusive.
The first steps you should take to take ownership of your life, how your interactions with others? Reflect how you treat yourself the importance of having a strong mission statement when it comes to how you're leading your life and building support systems. If you enjoyed this week's episode, make sure to share with a friend or family member chere. It on social media and tag me at, she persisted podcast. I will repost and give you a
little shout-out. But yeah, thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you for listening. Thank you for downloading, thank you for the support. It means the world to me and I'll see you next week.