free audio post -production by alphonic .com I'm sure. Hey, welcome back to The Shane and I Show. My name is Shane. My name's Max, and that's the facts. And that's the facts, Jax. Yep. We were rolling there, and we weren't even recording. Yeah, we weren't rolling. We were just talking into the ether. We were talking. Luckily, I caught it. That's good. That's good. We didn't spend 45 minutes talking without a recorder on. Which we have done before. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah, this is the podcast about nothing. That makes you think of something. I'm going to get our sponsors out of the way real quick. Huzzah. I'm going to read it. Good ol' Chad GPT wrote this for me, so bear with me. Alright, here's a quick shout out to Black Label Supplements, because if you're gonna spend time and money on supplements, they better actually do something,
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right when they come out. Yeah. And if you sign up for the mailing list, there's an email list that pops up when you go to the website, you sign up for that bad boy, you get these episodes delivered right to your inbox when I publish them. When he pushes the button, it goes right to you. Why did I just do that? Yeah. So boys and girls on the internet, you can't see what Shane did, but he was just playing with his finger
in a very interesting sort of way. Anyway, now we're going to get back to what we were talking about. Yeah. Because we like talking about Costco on this show. We do. They should give us an affiliate link. They should. Because I'm about to sing their praises. Are you? Minus the old guy? Minus the fucking old bitch. What happened with the old guy? All right. Costco, Costco, the same thing. OK. I have a problem with Costco. I'm a nice, chill guy. Costco turns me into a different
person. Yeah, I get it. And, like, I go there to get a bunch of staples for cheap. Right. That's why anybody goes. Exactly. Anyway, I got through most of Costco without much incident. Right? But on the way out, right, we left... The cash register, we're on our way to the door. Like you're out, you can see the finish line. We can see the finish line. Without incident. Yeah. It's that long ass walk from the cash registers to the door. Where the guy checks your receipt.
Where the guy checks your receipt and, and there's almost nobody there. It's like a clear shot, except for one guy who's already a third of the way down. So I, I expect by the time I get to the end. He's going to be out. He's going to be out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, except as I start walking, he starts slowing down and he starts getting slower and slower and coming to a crawl right at a place where it's like least convenient to get around him. And then he comes to a complete
dead stop before the guy. Yeah. Yeah. About. So he's so he comes to a complete dead stop. And, and so I, I make a honestly kind of dangerous pass. Right. Cause there's not a lot of clearance here, but I've been watching this guy slow down and by the time he stops, I have gone from serene to fucking like foaming at the mouth. Yeah, that would get me too. Yeah. And so as I pass him. Not only do I come within about half an inch of clipping him with my cart, I didn't mean to.
I just, I just, I was sure he didn't. I was so impatient by that point. It almost happened. But as I'm passing him, I just look to see what the fuck his deal was. And he had stopped to read his receipt. If he was curious, if he was curious about what was in his receipt, letting me do it when he got out of the register. They just pulled to the side right there. He could have just pulled to the side anywhere. Yeah.
That whole long stretch. Yeah. There's a whole area off to the side where you can find a little nook, pull over out of everyone's way and do whatever the fuck you gotta do. Yeah, and every Costco is both the same. So if you know, you know. Yeah. And this... this old bitch just stopped him because he just wanted to read his fucking... his fucking... I almost lost my... fucking mind. Did you say anything to him? Thank God Kira was right there next to me. Thank God for the wife.
Yeah. And she just, she, she took me by the arm. She's like, breathe. We're almost out. We're almost out. Yeah. It's like, and then you just mean mug a dude. You just mean mug him. I didn't even mean mug him. I should have fucking said some words. I could mean mug somebody and make him feel like I don't like him really quick. I can mean mug somebody into fucking like having
trouble sleeping that night. Yeah. But this guy, I just, after I got past and Kira took me by the arm and I just... I kept on walking, but god damn it. And I, you know, you know what makes it sometimes I get pissed off about something. It is what it is. I'm a human being, but when I'm right, that's when it's the worst. I know
it's the same way. When I'm, when I know I'm right, when I know for a fact that my anger was righteous and that person, I honestly, if I, if I had stopped to think about it, I should have done something to fucking like intervene in their bad behavior so that they wouldn't do it again. Luckily your wife is there. Luckily the wife was there. Yeah. Cause I don't need to get banned from Costco for assaulting old men. Yeah. And they'd have your picture up there
and don't let this guy in. Yeah. They got a bunch of cameras. You can't, you can't just fucking accost some 70 year old dude and get away with it. And he's 70. Yeah. So I mean, I get it. I'm getting old. Hey, this guy was old enough to know better. But not old enough for that to be an experience. But see, here's the thing about getting old that I'm starting to realize. Yeah. Because I just had a birthday a couple weeks ago, and I'm getting up there. Happy birthday.
Thank you. And I'm getting up there. Yeah. Right? Almost 87 and a half. Almost 87 and a half years old. I got to pee a little more than I used to. I'm not really 87 people, but for podcast's sake, we're going to say I'm 87. Yep. And maybe I'll tell you my real age. I don't know. But I realize there's like two different old people you could be, right? You could be the onry old person. It just makes a big deal out of fucking everything. Like, you know, back when I was young, that kind
of guy. Yeah, that sounds good. Right? Or you could be, well, three. You could be the dumbfounded old person that gets lost in fucking Costco and does absurd things like, you know. gets in front of Max. Stop in the middle. Stop in the middle. It's preposterous. All right. And here's the third one. Yeah. Here's the third one. You could be that old guy that kind of does creepy stuff, but people are like, oh, he's just an old man.
It's all right. That kind of does creep. Not like really creepy stuff, but like when you see a girl, you can actually say, when you see a pretty girl, you can actually say, oh, you're a pretty young woman. Oh, yeah. Like, not too creepy. Yeah. Not like, follow, hunting down, I mean, not like, not like, stalker creepy. Right. But like, you know, just, you can say little snide comments and get away with it and they'll look at you and be like, oh, you're a sweet old
man. Yeah. Right? And here's the other thing that I figured out that was probably the coolest part about it, is you could wear those fucking Depends, and if you're in the middle of Costco, you could shit yourself, not only shit yourself, but you could just fucking drain the vein, right? You could just take a piss. right there in the middle of Costco in your pants. And people would just be like, oh, poor old man. And you may even get a discount on the shit you're buying because
you pissed yourself. Because people would feel sorry for you. Shane, this took a turn I wasn't expecting. I was just thinking about it as I'm getting older, right? Like, what kind of old man do I want to be? And you want to be the shitting yourself kind of old man? No, I don't want to be the shitting myself old man. I was just describing... Because from the way you delivered the options, that sounded like the one you were leaning towards.
No, no, no, no, no. Like, boy, I can't wait till I can get away with shitting myself in Costco. I want to be the guy that can get away with saying little absurd wisecracks and like saying things to women like... Oh, you're a pretty woman. Shane, I'm going to tell you right now, you're not going to be that guy. I can dream, though, can I? You can dream. I'm just telling you because I know you. And I know you're a well -meaning person, but I also know if you try to be that guy, you're
not gonna get away with it. I know, it's just not gonna work. It's gonna come across as creepy if I do it. And if I piss or shit myself in the middle of Costco, it ain't gonna work the way I think about it. Unless I make a big deal, unless I look at everybody and everybody's looking at me while I'm shitting myself or pissing myself and they're like, oh my God, that old man's pissing himself. And I can just be like... This is what old men do, and they just leave me alone. You'll
get banned from Costco if you do that. I figure if I'm 87, and I get banned from Costco, it's gonna be okay. It doesn't matter how old you are. If you mess yourself in public on purpose, and everybody knows you did it not because you have a condition, but because you just goddamn felt like it and wanted to make a statement,
they're not gonna let you back in. Yeah, and let's say play the senile man card No, even if you play the Sierra if there's plenty of there are plenty of demented people that they don't let in places Here's the thing I thought about other thing I thought about though, too Yeah, that would kind of make it hard for me to get
to Costco if I was really 87. Mm -hmm Driving because I really hope when I'm 87 Like there's a law that says like if you're in your 80s, you can't drive Yeah because I've been, been behind some crazy old people that you're just like, what are you doing? Well, once you get to a certain age, they, they check up on you whenever they read your license. I really don't want to drive
when I get really old. All right. So don't like I get, cause I could just picture having this big old Cadillac or something like having a big old car and be one of those guys that just does 20 miles an hour everywhere and just kind of weaves around on the road. Cause I already know I got bad eyesight when I drive, so I have to
wear glasses, right? But I'd be that guy, that old man that just forgets his glasses at home when I got to go somewhere and I'd just be driving 20 miles an hour, fucking swerving everywhere where I drive. I don't want to do it, dude. Because again, I know you and you got a bit of a lead foot. Yeah. So you're not going to be the guy who goes too slow winding around. You're going to be the guy who goes too fast winding around. And I hit something. Yeah. I don't want to do
that. So I really hope when I'm old enough, when I'm that old, when I'm really 87, they're just like, nah, dude, nah. Yeah. I also hope that I hope that I hope you don't choose to shit yourself just to like challenge people to say something. I hope you don't do that. What do you got to say, young man? Just be on the bus. Yeah, and what I would have to say is leave and don't come back. There's a list for people like you. What you got to say, young man? You're afraid of pooping
yourself? No, I just don't want people pooping next to me. The other thing I was thinking about, too, is I went to the movies a few months ago. I've been meaning to talk about this. For some reason, I... Never I go like have an idea in my head that I want to talk about on the show and I'm like, yeah Yeah, I'm gonna talk about that. Let her rip. Anyway, I went to the movies a couple weeks ago and you remember when going to the movies was like a thing Yeah, and it like
the movie theaters were nice. Mm -hmm and like everything worked like the sound was cool Like the curtains worked. Yeah, the seats were relatively in good condition. Yeah, and there wasn't shit on the floor everywhere Yeah, I paid 14 bucks for a ticket. All right, that's cheap these days. Yeah, maybe it was more I can't remember The curtains, the curtains for the theater, right? Yeah. How they pull them back? Mm -hmm. Didn't open through the whole, all the previews. Okay.
Which is a bummer, because I wanted to see some of the previews. They didn't open the curtains to reveal the screen? No, they, like, the screen was there. You could see what was on the screen. Well, yeah, they were projecting onto the curtains, not the screen. Yeah. Yeah. And there was shit everywhere on the floor. Like, when I tell you there was shit everywhere on the floor, not literal shit, but like, there was like popcorn, there was like... fucking Milk Duds, all over the place.
And there was like, like the sound was messed up and somebody, it was like me and two other people in this theater. And we went, I went and saw that new Captain America movie and I thought it would be packed. It was like me and two other people. The one guy, one of the guys, I was just like, I was like, you know, they're going to fix it. I was like sitting there thinking, I'm like, they're going to fix it. Cause I don't mind going to a movie by myself. I actually kind
of like it. And I'm like, they're going to fix it. They'll fucking realize what's going on, right? The movie's starting. And they still haven't fixed it. They still haven't fixed it. The lights haven't dimmed yet, all the way down. So finally, one of the guys, there's only three of us in the movie theater. One of the guys, because I was like, maybe I should get up, maybe I shouldn't. I'm debating. At that point, you definitely should
get up. Well, this one guy wearing a Marvel shirt, so you can tell he was a Marvel fan, got up, walked out, and you could hear him. He's like, hey! Hey, can somebody fucking pull the curtains on the movie? Yeah. And they stop the movie. Good. Turn on the lights. Good. Apologize. Good. Turn the movie, turn the lights back off. Yeah. And to open up the curtains finally. Good. Back in the, back, even in like a couple years ago, before COVID even, like going to the movies was
a thing. Yeah. Like, it was a, you look forward to it. Yes. Right? You go out to your fucking Applebee's or whatever, and you get something to eat beforehand at the Applebee's at the mall. Yeah. And then you go see a movie in a nice clean movie theater. And I was debating with somebody about this, like, why people don't go to movies anymore. I think it was an online debate. Yeah. Because they were like, oh, I love going to the movies. And I'm like, dude. Not me, not anymore.
I also love going to the movies, but that sounds like a bad movie experience. Yeah, and it was, where was it? It was in Petaluma. Which one in Petaluma? I don't know, I can't remember. Because there's a nice theater in Petaluma. It wasn't that one. Yeah. So it wasn't the downtown? No, it was, no. But it was, like, awful. I just remember it, because I'm like, I just remember, man. Like, movies were, like, a thing. Like, you went there, and, like, it was nice, it was air -conditioned,
it was hot out. There was a whole experience, man. And, like, this person was saying, oh, people don't appreciate going to the movies anymore. And I'm like, people probably would appreciate it a little more if, like, they, people, like, worked there, did their job. And, like, the theater was presentable. Yeah. And, like, you could see the previews when the movie, before the movie
starts. Yeah. Like, Paid 14 15 bucks or whatever to get in the movie theater part of what you're paying to see is the preview Yeah, yeah, and I like the previews. Yeah, right Especially for a Marvel movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and it was
just man. It was just awful And then the movie the movies are right think the Captain America movie was all right But yeah, man, it was just I was bummed out about I was like I don't think I'm gonna be going to movies movie theater anymore I'll just fucking wait and watch them at home For a lot of movies now, you don't even have to wait. Right. Yeah, there's movies that come out really quick that were just in the theater
and two weeks later they're available. Well, there's a lot now that they'll do just theater for opening weekend maybe, or they just go straight to streaming the same day that they open in the theaters. Yeah, it was just an interesting experience. I mean, it bummed me out, man. It really bummed me out. Yes, I was like, dude, I remember, like, when you could go out, you could get a burger. Yeah, no, you described the meal already. Yeah. It's a bummer, dude. It is. I went to a movie
in January, and it was nice. Yeah, there's another nice theater up here in Santa Rosa, the airport theater. That fucking one's nice. I haven't been to that. Yeah, you have reclining chairs. You could, like, order, like, your shit to your... You could order your shit from your chair. Nice. Yeah, it's pretty nice. So that was something I was thinking about. And I was thinking about this. So I'm on the dating site. I'm on this dating site, right? Yeah. I'm not gonna say it.
I'm only on one, and right now it's partly for entertainment purposes. Mm -hmm. Just because I'm not seriously looking for anything. It's just like, I like scrolling. Yeah. So when I scroll, I'd rather scroll on the dating site than anything else. You might really get into this topic because I've been wondering about this one. So a lot of these, a lot of these women lately, they're putting stuff in their, they put stuff in their profile. I think, you know,
I want somebody to hang out with, whatever. It's all nice stuff. Until they get to this part, and this has literally happened, I would say probably on 10 profiles that I've seen in the last two weeks, I want a God -fearing man. So like, so are they talking about, when they say God -fearing man, Are they saying like the kind of God that that old -timey God that smites you if you're doing the wrong shit? Yes Why they're they're talking about somebody who's afraid of
going to hell why? Look, I don't understand Okay, first off. I'm not religious either Am I and I try not to judge people who are either do I but it's happened But I I don't like a religion first off. I think maybe they're not reading into or they're not fully grasping what God -fearing means. Because God -fearing is just a traditional thing you would say to mean somebody who actually believes in their religion and acts accordingly. And if they act out, they're going to get smited.
Yes. Because fucking lightning shot down at you. Yeah, but a God -fearing person isn't going to get the lightning because they're God -fearing and they will act accordingly. Right. It does imply... that you believe your God is an asshole. Sorry to laugh. No, no. I mean, it just is what it is. I just don't see, I don't see how people could be like, you know, I believe in God. My God is an asshole. Yes. Well, here's, here's the thing. Here's the thing. If you believe in
a God. Right. You don't necessarily choose the God you believe in. Right. Right. Once you believe in it, like if you believe in a God and you're like, I believe in that one. Right. Then whether he's an asshole or not isn't up to you. It's up to God. Right. Right. And, and like the, the Bible God, right? Right. The one for, for whom people are God -fearing. Right. He's an asshole. No, I get that. Like if you read, say like, Yeah,
you read some old timey stuff. It's like, and then God got angry and fucking flooded a village or some shit like that. Yeah, there's like all that. Or just basic shit that they tell you is part of the sales pitch. They tell you about heaven, and they're like, and also there's hell. And you say, what's hell? And they're like, oh, I don't know. Like, if you use the Lord's name in vain, like, he takes that personally and he'll torture you for eternity. Sorry to laugh again.
Yeah, I just think I you see but but change change change. God is love. Yeah I just think hell is Like I've watched a lot of TV shows and there's this one I watched and I can't remember what what it was But there's this version of hell where the sky and did suburbia And this is his version of hell, right? Because everybody has, according to the show, everybody had their own version of hell, right? It's different for everybody.
Which I could kind of get behind, right? It's not like you're, it's not like you know your soul's being tortured, right? You just think you're living, you don't even, like, in this theory, I guess, is that you don't even realize, like, you're fucking dead, right? You live in suburbia, you have this house, and I'm like... Things are normal, like you're waking up, having breakfast, you're talking to your kid, you're
talking to your wife, right? And the wife goes, hey, could you go down to the basement and grab some fucking something from the basement or whatever? Uh huh. We're at a toilet paper, you go to the basement and you're walking down to the basement and you know, there's something, you're kind of like something like, no, no, no, there's something kind of fishy about this basement thing. Okay. And you get down to the basement and there's some fucking big org fucker down there. Uh huh.
And he torches you. Okay. And then you wake up and the whole day starts over again. Yeah. That's like one person's version of hell in this TV show. Yeah. That's like this person's version of hell. Imagine the surprise and the terror. Yeah. That's part of it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you wake up and you know what you're in store for, they've given up on surprise and, well, there's probably still terror, but they've given up on the showmanship of it. Right. I mean, come
on. I think they just, like, as soon as you're tortured enough, they just kind of wipe your mind or whatever, and you just start the day over. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. That doesn't sound bad, I mean... That doesn't sound bad? Going downstairs to get some toilet paper and being tortured for the rest of the day by an orc? Okay, in the grand scheme of hells. Yeah? Not knowing that I'm dead. Yeah. And just repeating the same thing over and over again. Uh -huh.
It sounds way better to me than actually knowing I'm dead, being down in this fiery pit of hell, and getting my soul tortured over and over again. Yeah, well, that's the hell you're gonna go to. Because God knows that's worse for you. And because you used his name improperly. And so he got angry and he's gonna torture you for eternity in the fiery pit, where they fucking take the skin off your living body. That's not gonna be fun. I'd rather have the suburbia one. You'd rather have
the suburbia one? Yeah, I'd rather wake up in suburbia and think everything's cool until I go down to the basement. Think everything's cool until you go down to the basement and get fucking sex dungeoned by an orc. Yeah, that's great. That's better. That's the better option than fucking getting my skin killed. No, I mean, I'm with you, man. That's the one I would choose, too. That's how I know I'm going to the fiery
pit as well. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I kind of I kind of think I've already been through hell, so. Well, it can't be as bad as what I've been through. Oh, there's always something worse. True. Yeah, true. Anyone else? I had to adult yesterday, dude. And I was thinking about this the other day. You know me. You're 87 years old. You had to do that sometimes. 87 and a half. Yeah. So I threw on my Depends. I had to go fucking do some shit, right? I had to go register. I
had to go get my car smogged. I had to go pay my registration. And I was thinking about it, man. Like, I don't fucking... There was a time where I didn't care about any of that stuff. Yeah, I remember. Yeah, I'm like... I'm like, dude, I don't care if I'm driving around on expired tags... Yeah. ...until I can't get my license back. And then I'm like, why can't I get my license back? Oh, this is bullshit. Yeah, exactly. Fucking victim mentality, right? Uh -huh, yeah. Oh, oh,
I thought I took care of... Oh, man. You know, you throw the DMV some money, guess what? You get your license back. Mm -hmm. It's my experience anyway. So anyway, I was taking care of this stuff and I was thinking about that. I was like, man, I'm really, I'm actually kind of glad I get to do this now. Like I don't have to fucking worry about fucking driving down the road and getting pulled over. Cause you know how bad it
was. Like the cop would pull, I would get pulled over and the cop would be like, oh, so back in 1989. Right. Yeah, I remember all this, yeah. Back in 1989, you had a driving with like something stupid, dude. And I was too afraid to go to court and show up to court. It wasn't like I was trying to get away with something. It was like, I was too afraid. Like, honestly, like I was a kid. I was like this guy that was just, I don't want to go in front of a judge. Yeah. Right? And I
wouldn't tell anybody any of this stuff. And I would just try to figure it out. And then I wouldn't go. And so that turns into a fucking $2 ,000 fine. Right? Twenty years later, yeah. Twenty years later, I'm driving down the road, and I think I'm cool, right? Because they gave me my license back, so I think it's okay. Like, I have it in my wallet. And I'm driving down the road, and they're like, oh yeah, by the way, in 1989, you were driving without a fucking seatbelt,
and you didn't go to court. So there's a warrant from 1989 for you. And we don't really care about, you know... Nevada cops dude, they would just pull me over they would pull me over and be like I'm like, dude Are you serious 1989? Are you serious? You're like, yep 1989, dude now in in all fairness at the time you were driving a drug dealer car You weren't a drug dealer, but you
were driving a drug dealer car. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was I was driving that fucking BMW Yeah, I fucking hated that that car was cool to have for like a month. Yeah, I I drove that car from I drove that car from where it was. It wasn't a drug dealer car. And I drove that thing from where it was impounded in the South Bay all the way up to Marin. Oh, that must have been nice. Because that car didn't move. It was, man. It was a cruise. I didn't even realize how fast
I was going until I... That car, you had to go 80. Like, you just had to. There was no... Like, you went 60 or something like that. You were going too slow. Yeah. But at the same time, like, I knew if I fucking dug into, like, a hole in the upholstery or something, God only knows what you're gonna find in there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that car was my ego car, right? That was full ego, full fucking, like, I want a nice car. And it used to be a nice car 10 years before you
acquired it. Yeah. And then, and then it had like a CV problem, like the CV, like I needed a new, what was it, to get it to pass smog, I needed something. It was like a CV joint or some shit like that. And it was like $5, it was like 800 bucks. Yeah. And I just remember, I just remember being like, dude, I don't want to deal with that. And I just drove it around. You just drove it illegally. Yeah. I learned my lesson,
man. See, here's the thing, people is like, I can laugh at all this shit now because I've dealt with it and I've learned my lesson and I don't do that shit anymore. Like all that said, though, in that situation, maybe like the responsible thing to do. Oh, yeah. Was just to drive it around illegally until the police pulled you over, took it away. Then you pay then you pay the fine for driving an unregistered vehicle if there is even a fine for that. But you let them keep the car.
Well, no, I wound up donating it and got a tax write -out for it. I remember. I'm just thinking about it now. And I did do the responsible thing and I stopped driving it. Yeah, I remember that too. Like, because it was just like, dude, that car just, it was just like all of a sudden, it was just like too much. And I remember like deciding right there and then like whatever it took to get my license back. Like that's what I was going to do. Like I was going to, I'll pay the money,
I'll pay whatever. And thank God for student loans. Cause I was in school at that time and I used my student loans to pay back all my shit for my license. And I, and I used it for some books and books for the classes I took. Look, it's, it's perfectly legitimate to use it for transportation to class. Right. Yeah. Right.
And I swore, and I also swore that day, like I'm going to get a nice, like incognito car that, that I could go kind of fast in that they're not going to be like, it's not going to be like every time they see it, they're going to pull over and like, I got a car that blends in because there's so many of them on the road. Yeah, you got a nice Nissan. No, it's not a Nissan. It's a Hyundai. It's a Hyundai. Whatever it is, it's
a cool little fucking Korean car. Yeah, and there's so many of them out there that I just blend in. Yeah, you got to just... The color I got, everything, and I did it on purpose. Yeah, fuck, you got it in silver. That's a counting color. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and there's so many of the same color. Like, I could drive like an asshole if I wanted to. And I'm going to be like, oh, it was the other guy. But I'll tell you what, since that
lesson I've learned... Right? With the BMW. I have not been pulled over for driving without a license. I have not been pulled over with driving without insurance. And I have not been pulled, and that was like, what, 10 years ago? Yeah. Yeah. So in 10 years, I have not been pulled over for any of that shit. Well, you couldn't be because you had a license, insurance, and
registration. Yeah. But, I mean, even if they did pull me over, like, like even going through DUI checkpoints now, I'm like happy to do it. And I'm just like, oh, here's my license. Yeah. They're not gonna, they're not gonna be like, Hey, by the way, 1987. Yeah. Which, which they used to, you know, that was a concern before. I remember I used to have to avoid them. You know, I, I, I, I one time had the experience of coming up on a DIY checkpoint and realizing
like, Oh shit, my registration's late. And fucking like darting, like darting out of the way last minute, hoping one of the fucking like, like, cause they, they always keep a couple of cops. a couple of blocks back to chase people who do that. I was like, I hope they didn't do that. Cause I got, I got, I got away with it. Yeah. I did. I tried to do that a few months, like a month ago, there was a checkpoint by my house and I was coming up on a, I had one of my headlights
was out. So I was driving them on a bright sun and I didn't realize it when I came off the freeway, they were still on because I usually just turn them off. Yeah. until I could get that headlight fixed, right? And I'm coming off the freeway and the brights are still on, and I see the checkpoint, and I'm like, I usually, I don't like dealing with the cops around here. I just don't like dealing with them. Well, Roanard Park police
are kind of, they're sketchy. Yeah. So I turned right by Rayleigh's shopping center to get to my house, because that's the other way I could go. And I got pulled over, right? And the guy was like, hey, You know, you look, you got your head, you got, what do you have your brights on? And I was like, oh, I just got off of work and I was getting off the freeway, yadda, dadda, dadda. Right. And he was like, oh, do you have a headlight out? And I was honest with him. I'm
like, yeah, I got a headlight out. And he asked me for my laces. He checked my shit and I was clean. And he came back and he was like, okay, just, you know, when he pulled, get off the freeway until you get that fixed. I just turn off the brights. And I was like, holy shit, that's like almost never, like the guy pulled me over inside the Rayleigh shopping center. And I was like,
I've never gotten away with it. He's like, I'm not gonna write you a ticket or anything because he asked me what I did for work and I told him and I was like, I just got off like a 10 hour shift. So he's like, okay, yeah, just get that fixed. So yeah, and then I got it fixed the next day. Well, headlights are easy enough. Pop the thing out, put a new bulb in, there you go. Bingo -bungo. Yeah, I just don't mess around with that
kind of shit anymore. It's just like you live a little, maybe that's why I'm not gonna go to hell. Have you ever used the Lord's name in vain? Plenty of times. Well, he'll hate you forever and peel the skin off you in the fire pit. I don't know if that's the hell I'm gonna get, Max. You used his name in vain. You're not gonna get off easy with the Orc Sex Dungeon. Yeah, that's kinda what I want. I mean, tough shit,
man. Like, if I had a choice in hells, like, give me the orc fucking sex dungeon now, repeating the same day over and over again. Uh -huh. And just being oblivious and I'm just repeating the same day over and over again. Yeah. Or the woe of knowledgably spending eternity in the pit of fire and torment. Yeah. Yeah, like, you just know you're in there and it's gonna suck for
eternity. Yeah. Or the other place to be, the other cool, the other, not cool, but the other place to be that wouldn't be so bad probably would be, what's the place between heaven and hell? Purgatory? Purgatory. Okay, like traditionally, do you know what purgatory really is? Not traditionally, no. I mean, I don't know. I just know it's a place where spirits go that just can't go to either heaven or hell. So it's purgatory because that's where they purge the sin out of you before
they can let you into heaven. Everybody's got some sin. Right. So for some period of time, whether it's 15 minutes or 15 ,000 years, nobody knows, but they will peel the skin off your living body in the pit. Yeah. Until all the skin has been purged. No, it's the same fucking thing. It's just for a limited period of time instead of forever. So maybe it would be better if I was just a lost soul and I just haunted people. And I would hump a fuck out of people. Yeah.
Just pick somebody random and just fucking haunt their house. You don't have to pick someone. I mean, pick someone. Pick someone. Like, find someone who you're really interested in haunting. Just be like, yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. And just fuck with them. Here's the thing about purgatory. It is a limited amount of time followed by eternity. in the light of the Lord. Right, and I assume heaven would be your personal, whatever your personal heaven would be, you know what
I mean? However bad hell is, heaven should be that good. Right. You would think. Yeah, you would think. Yeah. So, but having a God -fearing, being a God -fearing person though, would you be afraid that heaven would be that good? What do you mean afraid that it would be that good? Like if you fear God. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And your promise is paradise of heaven. Don't know.
I just think it would be like a too big of a promise for somebody like that's too big of a thing to actually think it's true I just rabbit fear God. I don't know that didn't make sense. No You're saying somebody would believe in hell and be like but heaven sounds too good to be true. Yeah No, yeah, he'll send my soul to a pit of eternal torment and torture But heaven seems too good to be true. But what do you really hope for is inky blackness? would it really be
like paradise? You know what I mean? I guess. I don't know. Anyway, I think that's gonna do it for our episode. Yeah. We've been going on. And look, we're not experts in God. And we're not spiritual. Well, kind of. But we're not fucking... We're not religious. We're not religious. We don't go to church. No. We don't read any holy books. But I was just curious why people say on their dating profile, I'm looking for a God -feared man. Yeah, they just want someone who
takes their religion seriously. And by their religion, I don't mean they're looking for a man who takes his religion seriously. They look for a man who takes seriously as his own the religion that that woman believes. Right. I got it. Yeah. So that's going to do it for our episode. Hope you guys listen to the whole thing. Yeah. And until next time, people. Yeah. Don't show yourself in Costco while making eye contact. And being like, yeah, what you gonna do about
it? Don't do that. Don't. Do it on public transportation. Don't do it. Anywhere. Until next time, people, don't be a dick. All right. free audio post -production by alphonic .com