Thinking Sideways: Santa Claus

all of the legwork on this thing. You'll also notice if you had listened to what we're calling the last twenty six episodes before and you're re listening now, the music and sound effects are gone. Yes, we've we've gone back to straight audio, so be warned. We sound a little different today than we do in what you're about to listen to. Yeah, bye bye stories. Hey everyone, welcome to a very special episode of Thinking Sideways the podcast.

It's the holiday episode Merry Christmas in like the Western like Santa Ho Ho Ho, not the like offensive religious or not offensive religious jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, you know, the awesome fun presents. Way, Merry Christmas, everyone, Hey, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. I'm Devin, I'm Steve So, speaking of Christmas favorite holidays, it's a pretty good one. I know, Yeah,

it's pretty good. You get presents, you get to like sit around and drink and eggnog and just eat a lot and just like hang out in warm houses and there's snow outside and I'm just so happy. I feel like, right, it's pretty cool. And you just if there's snow. If there's not actually snow, we don't get a lot of snow here. I know, I just go out and a spray paint my yard. It's the perfect way to do it.

It's a very Orgonian way, very organic. Um. So, I kind of wanted to talk about the mystery of santasolved mystery, well, the unsolved mystery. Yeah. I mean, you know, we all know Santa's real, Yeah, but you know, I kind of have some questions I want to talk about because we think about Santa, but you know, we just kind of accept it a lot feeling. But you know, there's some really serious questions here, like how does he fit all

of those presents in his sleigh? Or like how does he actually get around to like all of the children, Right, I mean those are some pretty big questions. What do you know the answer, No, it's not magic. I thought, ups, No, what of confusing it's not magic. I mean, Steve, come on, we are skeptics on this show. You know, magic is not real. We talked about aliens on this show. Magic is definitely do we talk about aliens and seriousness though, I'm gonna I just I think that there's some really

great explanations there. I think there are some very good, solid scientific explanations magic. For example, the sack and how does it hold some mandy pressents? Well, you know, because it uses trans dimensional transportation. It's essentially when they go into the mouth of the sack, they go into another dimension. That's actually a really good theory. So that's one of my val manages to load five million presents into one sack.

So let's actually talk about the sack to start with. Well, actually, let's first of all, let's just talk a little bit about Santa, right, and everybody, I mean, I'm just assuming everybody knows what we're talking about. But Santa's called other things. We call him Santa or Santa clause Um. He's also called St. Nicholas, St. Nick, Father Christmas, or sometimes Chris Kringle. Right, you know, the bowl full of jelly. Usually he wears

the red suit, sir. Sometimes they do. Yeah, so now that we're all on the same page, that okay, not the other Santa, I don't know, yeah, not that No, not that one. Okay. My first question is the toys and the sack, right, So Joe was just saying that it's another dimension trans dimensional, which is a good theory. Um. I I have a different theory actually, and it has to do with nanotechnology in like a nano toymaker situation. So it's like a like a three D printer almost.

So he doesn't actually carry all the toys with him, but he makes them on site specific to each kid. Yeah, and he uses the soot as raw material. And he also can use at to make a lump of coal if you have yeah, yeah, for the bad kids. My one problem with this series that lots of houses don't have fireplaces and chimneys. Well, I mean, you know, he's got other stuff, I mean leftovers, right do you think?

I mean, I assume that he carries some material with him in case, but most houses do have those sort of things. These are a lot of houses have chimneys, but not all Technology's moved on we've moved away from the fire and place. I guess that's true. You know, you can cut off a limb of a tree or something. Then maybe maybe he sends out like cracked teams of Elk commandos to just burn down houses in certain spots. So materials. Yet, that's horrible. No, I don't think that's

what he's doing is a serious subject. Now he's serious. You can't make a little utbreaking a few eggs, right, that's true, Yeah, that's true. So the other thing, another question I have is elves, like really, thousands of elves just working for him for like nothing like that gets expensive, don't you think? I mean they were like past the age of indentured servitude right. Well, and the other thing

too is it's that doesn't make sense about that. I mean, you guys have seen Lord of the Rings, right, and do you really different elves different elves, see a different race of elves, of different kind of elves. Okay, yeah, those were tall elves. I haven't talking about the dead elves. Yeah, talking about shrimpken elves. I read this really interesting report about Santa's main distribution center up in the North Pole, Okay,

and it's apparently four million square feet. It's pretty big, the world's largest factory, right, and it's got a real time warehouse management system which is required to run the entire complex. The elves wear a hard hat. Yeah, I think they must at this point, right, relation might be regulated. No, because Oshan is just America, and you know this is they're they're in the North Pole there. I think it must be elsha. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, probably.

I'm assuming at some point that that Samy decided too many else were getting killed in industrial accidents and decided to, like, you know, just beef off safety a little bit. Because we know San cares about the elves. He does care about the elves. That's pretty clear, I think, isn't it. I mean, you know, you can't have those people work for you all the time and not don't care about them. Unless you don't care about them, You have to care about them. He must work them like dogs. Well, I

don't think so. I think it's mostly automated at this point. And you know the point is is that, like I think, if I believe in this, in this three D printer scenario of his his magic bag, right, well, then why the elves don't really have to work that hard. They have to work on the technology, keep of that. But they don't have to build toys all year round. But okay, So for saying Santa has the three D printer, now, yeah, what did he do before the three D printer? Well, no,

he had a he had a three D printer. So it doesn't look like the three D printers that we had today. It's it's actually kind of a steampunk kind of looking contraptions. Yeah, it's all it's all like wood and brass and copper and where to get it. He made it, yeah, I mean it, Yeah, made it his specs. I suspect he didn't always have it, but to keep up with current demand, right, I mean, you know way back when when it was just like, oh, there's like four thousand kids to get to Oh no, and the

toys are basically like pieces of wood. I mean yeah, it was easy back in that. There's no problem. Now he has to like an iPad. Really, Okay, I guess I'll just grab my three D printer and printed out out of the coal or the soot in the chimney. I got to cut into Apple's bottom lone. Actually, there is a physics professor at the University of Lendon has has actually theorized that perhaps Santa is fudging just a little bit and outsourcing a lot of that stuff to China.

So it might be that, you know, he's not making everything. I choose to disbelieve that. I choose to believe that he is making everything, and that now the Elves they're in charge of the basic upkeep of you know, his his sack, so they're they're all Elvin middle managers at this point. Basically, Oh, they can't all be middle managers. There's a couple of elevin supervisors. But it's not middle management. It's you know, technology upkeep. That's not middle management. So

it's Elvin I T yeah, pretty much. And mechanics and you know, stuff like that. They have to keep this thing up right. And then there's a shop stewards and you know, if you've got your janitors, your Elvin janitors and stuff like that. Somebody we're talking to san is worried about safety. I'm assuming they're not wearing the green funny shoes the little bells at the end any we get sucked into things. Yeah, I imagine they're not wearing

that anymore. I heard that quite a few of them did get sucked out of the machine ry and it was unfortunate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, So and then I guess my last kind of question that I have is how does he make it to everyone's house in one night? Steve's answers magic, you have a good answer. I have a really good answer, making wormholes and close to answer

s wormholes. And the thing I'm thinking about about Santa too is that he would be a virtual treasure, true with technological information, if we could get our hands on him. And I think I hope the military is working on that. No, I think that they're just choosing to like let him

have what he has. But I mean, I mean think about it like now, for example, like if you look at say the Iraq War, I mean the build up for that was months because it takes so long just to ship all that crap over their tanks and humvies and all kinds of stuff you have to go in ships and planes. You know, if we can get status technology for transporting all that crap over there, just like thing you know, Well, Okay, Santa isn't transporting that much.

He's just transporting his magic baself. A three D printer or whatever, and I think he's using antimatter. But what Yeah, okay, so this is a thing that NASA is like hoping to develop to cut down the time that it takes get from Earth to Mars to a matter of weeks. And basically what it is is you collide matter with anti matter. The explosion, the force of their energy coming

together is so great. It just like this amazing propulsion system that makes you go super super fast in a super super short amount of time, travel the world in like one night. If you can make it to Mars in a couple of weeks, you could travel the world a couple of times in one night. You probably could. The other problem is, of course Santa would be flattened like a pancake by the acceleration forces. No, most of course he's a supernatural being, which you know he might be.

He might. At this point, I have a better theory. What's your theory. There's not one Santa. Santa has cloned himself. There's eight bazillion Santa's. I don't know how many it would require. And each one has a county or a district, and they just deal with their own area, and you know, the rest of the year, they sit in more holls and talked to children of Chios. That's that's not a bad theory. So I have one more question. Why hasn't

any anybody ever seen Santa? Because he's a magic magic you know, he's he's actually kind of like a master capler. That's why he might be. So that's actually my theory. I've read a lot of theories in doing my research for this about why people haven't seen Santa delivering gifts, right, you see him in the mall or whatever. But you know, some people said he has an invisibility cloak. Some people said that he has some kind of men in Black style memory eraser that he uses on anybody who sees

him so they forget that they saw him. I feel like those are all just like crazy. I just think that's not realistic right there. And I just feel like I think there's a totally reasonable explanation for this, and it is that kids fall asleep, well, kids tend to fall asleep, and they just missed Santa. Are you saying that Santa exudes something? No, I'm not there. I'm saying there's nothing weird about this. I'm just saying that it's three am and you're a child and you're asleep. Yeah,

but and so you missed Santa. But the adults in the house might still be awake. Yeah, but they don't. I mean, you know, we have come to our deep faith in Santa. We know Santa exists. We don't feel like we need to see Santa. That's not an important thing as an adult, right, It's it's important as a kid. I saw Santa when as a kid, When when I was a kid, when first this morning and dupped a bag of toys on me. You're thinking of your phone. Well, no,

I ran outside. My dad was outside point of the roof, and there was cracks on the roof and the snow. But you said you saw Santa. So did you see the tracks in the snow or did you see Santa? I saw both. I saw Santa and I was a dog with I got the RC car. I went, I'm like, wait, wait, say, I gotta find Santa. And with screaming out of my bedroom and how my dad's standing outside pointing at the roof. I've seen Santa. He's real. Here's another case of magic, Steve.

No I saw Santa. Okay, I think he saw an impostor because now. I think what happens with Santa though, is like he I think he uses misdirection and things like that too, so in distraction. So for example, if there's a couple of adults awake in the house before he goes down the chimney, he goes and shows a rock at their car and sets off their car a mark. They run outside, and then he goes down the chimney distributes the pressents back out just as they're coming back

in the front door. So he's just the master of that kind of technique. Yeah, I guess I just think, you know, it's not important to me, as a true believer in Santa to see him because I know he exists. So because magic, he's not magic, Steve, He's just a little ahead of the realistic here talking either of you anymore magic. Well, there you have it, So answered some questions about Santa. I know everybody was really scared that we weren't going to talk about Santa, but we did.

It's very important for us. So if you want to check out any of the links that I talked about, anything that I'm referencing, I've got I actually have some research on this um you can check them out. At our website. That website is Thinking Sideways podcast dot com. Send us an email if you have theories about Santa. That's Thinking Sideways Podcast at gmail dot com. Find us on Facebook just you know, Thinking Sideways Podcast. I know that's a shocker. You can listen to us on our website.

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have a really good Christmas or holidays. Holidays. Oh and by the way, I stick around for April when we tackle another hard hitting topic easter bunny dcor fiction. Yeah, Happy holidays everybody, by all. And it's magic