This episode of Thinking Sideways is not brought to you by the vibrant colors of the Ninth Dimension. Instead, it's brought you by Murder con a convention for murders by murders, all about murders. If you want to get in cheap and easy, use the promo code sideways to get ten percent off your body. See you there, Sideways Sideways. Sorry, Thinking Sideways stories of things we simply don't know the answer to. Hi there, Welcome to another episode of Thinking Sideways.
I'm your host, Joe, joined as always by Devin and Steve, and this week we're going to talk about another fantastic mystery. We're gonna talk about the mysterious case of Jerry Michael Williams of Tallahassee, Florida, known to his family and friends as Mike. We are going to call him the subject here. Okay, fine, we'll call him Mike. Mike was thirty one years old one he was last seen. He'd been married to his wife, Denise for about six years. They had a one year
old daughter. Yeah I know. And oh, by the way, I want to give a shout out to Renee who suggested this. Renee, if you're still out there. She suggested this back in so it's been a while, thanks to day. Yeah, okay, we have suggestions from way earlier than that, so we just thought we would let this one just sort of ripen for a while. Yeah. Well, back to Mike. Mike was a real estate appraiser. He was known to be
a very hard worker, made really good money. Um. He and his wife Denise had bought a very nice, upscale house in East Tallahassee, which I guess a better part of town. I don't know, I've never been there. Uh. Being responsible parents, they took out a life insurance policy on Mike for a million bucks. And is that when they that is, when they took out the life insurance policy was after their daughter was born, I believe so. Yeah, yeah,
it was not not too long after that. Yeah, that's That's often when people start thinking about stuff like that when they're either about to have advocated or just had a kid. Yeah. I'm thinking about it as I'm about to get married, mostly because I definitely plan on murdering him exactly. Get more on him. Yeah, yeah, Australian honeymoon. Yeah. Oh,
back to our story. The insurance broker in this case was a guy named Brian Winchester who was a good friend of Mike's actually apparently some sort of childhood appointed of his wife's, but they had become somehow good friends. Brian Winchester, by the way, is now in prison, but that's a whole different story. Is he related to of Winchester fame? I do not know that is I don't know. So have we not covered this story before, because this one sounds really really familiar to me. No, I don't
think I don't think so. Now it's kind of similar to some of the other disappearance stories. Okay, that's all right, It sounds really really familiar, but okay, keep going. Okay, uh, well, back to Mike. He was kind of into duck hunting and sometimes yeah, yeah, no different one real duck. Yeah,
they're actually people who still do that. It's called analog duck hunting, and so sometimes, yeah, you take your analog shotgun, which is made of steel and not plastic, and uh yeah, you go out to the lake and hide until the ducks show up and then bluie. I guess The nice thing is, though, when analog duck hunting, the dog doesn't laugh at you when you miss. So okay. And also in the ideal you don't shoot the dog. You can you shoot the dog and duck hunting, I've not done
the stopped him from laughing, Yeah, oh I see. Yeah, your dog is laughing at you for sure, but you know you don't hear it. Yeah. Yeah. And also don't shoot him, yeah, don't. Don't shoot your dog. They will shoot back. Now. But on the let's go back to our story. In December sixteen, the two thousand Mike left
the house early to go hunting, and he never returned. Eventually, his boat was found abandoned on Lake Seminole, which is a huge reservoir about forty miles northwest of Tallahassee, up in the Georgia border, so where it's kind of you can find it on the on the maps pretty easy. It's where these two large rivers come together and they've damned it there. So it's this gigantic V shaped lake that's got like almost four hundred miles of coastline. It's a big, big lake. And was that a typical place
for him to go duck hunting that? I don't know. I don't know where his favorite duck hunting spots are. I don't know why he picked that particular spot, because I mean, there are other decent sized lakes near to Tallahassee. But you know, maybe the duck hunting was just especially good up there or something. Yeah, But anyway, the boat was found abandoned, Mike was nowhere to be seen, dead or alive, and so there was a general assumption by the police that he'd fallen out of his boat and drowned.
Let's just not an unreasonable assumption, really, But they dragged to search the lake really extensively, and they never found this body. Which it's a little weird because I mean, actually something like about eighty people have drowned in that lake and they've always found the body. H Yeah, okay, I mean, I guess that's a reservoir. So but you want to find the body. But on the other hand, you know, there are also lots of alligators in that lake,
so you know, is we know what they do? Yeah, you know what they do for a living, right, Yeah, Okay, it's like a game of frogger. You run across them, alligator log alligator to the other side. Yeah, I know, if they're if they're kind enough to line themselves up like that, then, yeah, for sure, it's all about timing. Brother, have you seen that picture though? You know how alligators and crocodiles get frozen, you know how they sit underwater.
They're not like logs. They're like at an angle, so like their heads are floating, but their feet are on their back feet are on the bottom. Yeah, it's for some reason that's extra creepy to me. I don't know that makes sense, So that they got more leverage to launch themselves into action quickly. Yeah, that's probably why it is more scary and weird to me anyway. Sorry, Oh yeah, yeah, but alligators are really kind of fascinating. You know, they're kind of it's almost kind of cute, and it's sort
of a prehistoric mons terrified. Yeah, in the same way that t rex is are kind of cute. Yeah, yeah, they're so they're cute. Well, anyway, back to Mike, the police concluded that it was drowning and probably got eating my alligators in a closer case, and then Mike's waiters were found in the lake about six months after he disappeared. Um and then about seven months after he disappeared, his widow Denise petition. I haven't declared legally dead. Eventually, she
married Mike's buddy Brian Winchester, who's the guy that's in jail. Now, are you sure we've never talked about this, this story, even if it wasn't off. But this story sounds really really familiar. I swear you know something about this? You know nothing? Well, I mean I checked the episode list because I when I was reading it, I was like, this sound does sound familiar, but we haven't done it before, a right, I have not. The thing about the waiters just really stuck in my mind. But I thought I
got that from cartoons, you know, because cartoons conspiracies. No, no, no no cartoons, because you know, like an alligator like eats a person and they're wearing clothes and then spits the shoes back up. You know. I just I just assumed that was why that sounded from. Probably was that's probably where you got it from. But but Mike's gone.
Cases closed, but his mother, Cheryl Williams, did not accept the drowning theory, and she kept nagging the police to reopen the case, and along about two thousand before they did. Apparently somebody did a little research and they found out that alligators don't eat in the wintertime. Apparently the water gets cold, they go kind of dormant. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, that's what I was mentioning when earlier, when you were
saying about have you ever seen the frozen alligators? They when the water freezes, you see all these little stouts sticking out of the ice because they're they're keeping their heads above water just enough so they can breathe, but they're kind of stuck there in place. It's it's the creepiest thing in the world. You you creeped out by angled alligators? Look at frozen out I gotta, I gotta actually, you know, go to a frozen lag sometime and like stop their noses up and kill them and then just
say I killed an alligator with my bare hands. I think that's probably really illegal, but probably probably Actually I'd be too scared to do because you know, what if what if the alligator wakes up and like it breaks the ice and kills me. Um, he'd be like what's his name on that Adam Sandler movie with the one
wooden hand. Yeah, yeah, that does happen, by the way. Yeah, I knew some of somebody I worked with was in Florida and they went to one of those parks that has all the gators, and apparently somebody while they were there, Uh, kind of lost his hand because he got a little fresh with an alligator. Nobody likes fresh alligators. Yeah, no, alligators don't like fresh humans. They but they don't like it.
Smart all case. Okay, so yeah but anyway, Yeah that so after they figured that out, and that makes the lack of a body seem a little stranger, so they reopened the investigations. Yeah, but that's about where the case still is. It's it's it's been open for all these years, since two thousand four, but no real new evidence has come to light. There's been a lot of speculation about what his fate was, a lot of different theories out there. So what the hell happened to him? Here are some
of the theories. Uh, accidental drowning, which is of course the first presumed theory. Another one is that maybe he committed suicide. Maybe you know, life was just too much she decided to kill himself and throw himself to the gators. Or I like this one a little bit. He faked his death by leaving his empty boat on a lake full of alligators. You know, I assuming that would explaining nobody and then just went off to start a new life somewhere. Or maybe he was murdered because everybody has
murder on the brain ever since that's Stephen. A very documentary thing, I know, I know, I mean, all the suggestions we get just murder, murder, murder, murder, murder. You know, most people don't actually die of murder, believe it or not. Yeah, yeah, statistically it's unlikely, all right. And then we have one last there, and this is actually my personal favorite, which
is maybe the ducks got him. I mean, you know, they turned the tables on them, So that would also be murder in a way, wouldn't it not if it's ducks, although it would be foul plays that Yeah. Uh so those are the theories out there. But before we go into the theories, let's take a break. The light around you is wan and cold, just like your soul. You stare into the darkness and wonder what it's all about? Why is it this way? How did it get so strange?
Who made it so? These were your only option? Indecision grips you like that time when you were eight and that spelling being couldn't decide if apocalypse began with a p A c or Jethro Tall. You fretted and worried. You could feel the rush of sweat spreading across your scalp and moving down to the collar of your shirt. Why did you have to make it feel like you were choking? That collar was your mother's choice, and it felt like she was strangling you, stopping you from making
the right decision. You fretted so long and that eventually the buzzer went off. Now that was your alarm clock going off. The sound of the buzzer blaring was not the judge disqualifying you again for not spelling apocalypse, but instead the wake up called yet another day of drudgery. And it is at that moment you realize you couldn't
take it anymore. You just couldn't. Something had to change, which is how you ended up here, staring into the darkness, trying to figure it all out and make the right choice. Which avocado in the pile was the right one? The answer is all of them, that's right. The International Avocado Board will want you to know that they are all the right choice. To make some avocado toads for breakfast, blend it into a drink for a nice creamy snack, dice it up on your salad at lunch, and toss
it onto your chicken for dinner. Avocados blocking out the sadness since October nine, and we're back. All right now, let's get into theories. First. Theory, Let's start with the ducks. Um. Hey, so, uh while we were on a break, I did some googling because I was starting to agree with Steve. This sounded familiar. Um, well, yeah, but I thought we had that that moratorium on internet surfing while recording. Yeah, sorry, I was bored. This is a boring case. This is
a really boring ducks anyway. It doesn't really matter because it was solved. They found the botty and December two, seventeen o two months ago. Yeah, not even two months ago. How long ago did you do the research on this? More than two months ago? Okay? Police, it's annoying when those guys solve everything. Yeah. Well they haven't solved this one though, right, I mean they found the body anyway. Alright, So uh, we got our theories. Uh, does anybody have
a favorite theory murder? Okay, well I'm gonna stick with the ducks. Go ye, alright, enjoying? Alright then, uh so, anyway, if you're Mike's killer and you want to send us an email, our email address is Thinking Sideways podcast at gmail dot com. So wait, so we're all done. There's a there's a problem here, guys. It's like, we're like fifteen minutes in best yeah, we have forty five minutes more. We really have to do an our long episode. It's actually actually I have been taping a lot of my
conversations with my cats. Hear that, haven't you been saving bloopers from this entire year? Yeah? Yeah, okay, well let's just do that. Okay, let's do that, and then we'll publish Joe's conversations with his cats for the people sleep You go sleep to us, and they'll they'll pass out to pay attention to that. There will be a book also, sooner or later they'll just wake up to Joe being like, oh booze, you're such a good boy. Yeah yeah, and
also a cold Case Discussions expert panels. They'll be famous guests you may have heard of, like Nancy Grace, Ron Johnson called Marino kirk nermy who's he? M? Cheryl mccollumn I just want to talk about how Joe looks at me and says, do you remember that disco? Of course I know. Well, you're the music historian of the team. Most us am the old one. It's true you are. You're an old soul. Okay, let me move my microphone around a little bit here. More and more didn't do
that quite right? No, I don't think you did at all. More and more and more okay, Okay, of Christ's sex, I don't because it's terrible. You're singing is not that good. We have fantastic mics, and it turns out they capture your singing voice quite accurately, and it's just it's not good. If you can't blame the microphone. I've got to record a song for our fans, but I guess not. You Have you listened to the Bloopers? Yeah, okay, yeah, I
will listen. It's gonna say there's an ongoing obsession throughout the entire thing where you're just like, I want to record a song. I want to sing more. I don't want all that, Oh, I just want to SnO. Okay, all right, let's get going kind of shorter all the way around, or shorter in the front, you know, shorter but more off the front. You know, I'm bad with hair cuts. Okay, what do you think? I don't know.
That's a big decision. You know what if I were you, you know what I do because I found this look works with the ladies, is I would buzz it really short and then shave the top down. It's like with a blade. Yes, yeah, that's a good ide. Yeah, yeah, Okay, you gotta keep up on the shaving regiment though. Actually, you know what I've heard really works with and then you get to the back and you gotta you gotta shave that little circle in the back that drives them nuts.
What the chicks really dig is when you grow it out about like this, but you grow some of it really super long, just tough, and then you like, can I shave it up here? And he's wait, no, I know what you need to do. Yeah, buzz it about an inch and a half tall and hunt and let it grow out in the back. Yeah, but make sure you braid it down your back. Okay, just like like like so business in the front kind of party in
the back. Exactly like that. Let's do that. Yeah, perfect, Where do we go to get mullet wigs to wear the crime con. I really thought you farted when the first one happened. Too good, Okay, um, you get my lighter. Sorry, doesn't malware and cool like you've got a virus. Probably you should take a pill for that virus of the brain because you're stupid, Way way eggs and bakey. Here we go, gavor when you go. That's actually a really funny idea, Devin, good job you had one. You did it.
Oh and they say women can't be funny, No, that can't. Um. If I do disappear in San Francisco, please can you um just like not not observed the five year rule and just do an episode immediately. You're gonna wait five years doing it. Okay, we're gonna be really busy replacing you. Yeah, anode. That's gonna take us like a week and then and then they will have forgotten. Yeah it's you. Will just
totally forgotten about you. It's fine, And that will be in the middle of recording and you'll show up and what the hell she pitch? It was like hearing my own self. It was told you he's good. It's a hell of a mimic. I feel like I'm not part of the circle now, so oh, I be part of the circle. You're part of the healing circle. Circle. We're just gonna be a witch covin from now on. That's not a which covin? Which covin? Okay? Cool? Yeah, okay cool?
And introduction yeah, and we'll get a clean introduction and all of that stuff. And then um, we'll probably do that thing where we take an extra long pause, you know, after asking, and then like they take a pause, and then you know, we'll ask him the next question so that we can get as clean as a recording as possible, since Skype tends to give us a nice you know, five two to five second alay, depending on how it's feeling that day. That's true. And then and then we'll
ask you to record a commercial ad for us. And uh, all right, are we recording? I said a heart attack that we weren't recording this whole Well, it was just like very flat, and then I remembered it was silent in the room, and so that's why I was listening for Yeah, that's that's how we caught Joe talking about listen bit. It was actually just a n E v P that was actually not even me. It was my ghost living here that wanted to really screw me. Overt chances,
there's crime Connery and the tubes. Stupid ghost. So whenever you are ready, tell me, and I will mute myself and then it is all you. You don't want to have the like weird breathing on. Uh yeah, that'll really go well with The Boss season three. They'll be like, oh god, the bad guys in the background. No, there he is. Yeah, okay, probably better than I don't yeah for real, Um yeah, I don't know. I can do whenever. Okay, well, it's it's your show. I'm just gonna say a bunch
of mean stuff about you while you're on mute. I was just talking. You didn't hear me, So I'm the one who gets to do that. That's true. Okay, all right, let's do the thing. Okay. Trying to decipher Google's like your sober friend, you know, like you can type some like really messed up words in there, and it's like, oh did you mean this? Because it understands somehow the AI on that with me, it always says, oh do you mean porn? Could be a good one for the Bluer. Yeah, no,
of course Google doesn't say that. Why not. I haven't been working on my bird pones because they just tend to fly right into my brain. They falcon in there. That one didn't work. It worked, Yeah, it'd only work in your bird brain. Oh true? Yeah, you're ready. Yeah, now you clear your throat? You need to do it anymore? No, I'm good. Can we actually for our four your anniversary? Can it just be every single clip we have of Joe clearing his throat or coughing, just an entire episode
of it. It would require me to save him all. You saved many of them, I'm sure. No. I cut them out real like, no, he's coughing. I don't have that on tape. But one time I'm like, god, I I sneezed, I hiccuped, I belched, and I farted just like bam bam bam bam. That was it? So good? I know that that's the right word. Ghost parts. Okay, what's a bird joke to make? I don't know. We're gonna fly like an eagle the commerci You got your egrets, you got your owls, you got your e moves. Where
is that from? We're gonna take an egg in. Now that doesn't work. Um, I'm sorry. Wait, I had a list of them earlier. We're going to take an existential break. No, give me a break. Give it a nest already speak, I'm just going to use it. Give it a nest in. She reportedly married a name. Name married a name. You're a wreck. I'd like a fever of like a hundred and four Friday nice. That's why I was like, I can't do anything right now because they will not be coherent.
That's what Karen had. She's had a fever. What what's your temperature now? I actually run kind of cold. I do too. I'm about you know, I'm about ninety seven point six something like that. I don't know what I am. Let's about what I run out? I don't know. If you have a thermometer. I have a thermometer. You can't use it because it's recte. Yeah, yeah, the hell you can't stick it up here. Maybe she's crackers. Okay, sorry, I'll do something with squinty face. Don't worry about it. Okay,
squinty face. Oh since okay you dumb ship Okay, ready, okay, there we go, hang on, get to get a character. Oh yeah, Okay, here we go. Ready, mm hmmm, I wanted to fit in. Yeah, yeah, totally tear pressure. So your chairs facing the wrong way. You need to spin it about a d eighty degrees because I don't want to have to look at you through this whole episode. Plus, the cats want to hear my voice. Yeah, they like my voice. It's gonna be great when all of Joe's
comments are here. Kitty kitty, Hey, what's up buddy? Good boy? I ever loved Joe's response to everything to me, good kitty. I feel sorry for whoever it is at the FBI that's got to actually listen to the microphones. That's what they're here is me talking to the cats. Oh man, that guy's gotta be pulling his hair out, you know, Joe, it's anybody who's bugging anybody's house, because the same thing
happens at our house all the time. On our house, you don't have any you don't have any pets and pets. Oh yeah, did you watch the Corgy video, etcetera. It was very cute. That was awfully sweet, funny. Oh wait, did I finish everything? I was just I was saying kind of it or I did. Yeah, I'm not. I don't know. I'm not. I don't live in your brain. But you came to a reasonable okay. Yeah, that was when we got interrupted by yeah you finished your statement, okay,
which is I think? Fine? All right, good, I'm going to give you a heads up. You're doing a lot of uh it makes me sound like I know what I'm talking about. There you go. You sound like intelligent and versed. Yeah, okay, that's okay. I couldn't help but have a little beer fun at you. Well, it's called you don't know how to turn the mouth of the beer towards you. I was paying attention to you being a creepisoid. I'm sorry. It's okay, just from the girl
who takes bad some beer? Do you do? This episode of thinking sideways is not brought to you by I should have picked one first. Okay, wait, that's actually good one. First, there's a plastic clipping on the ground you want to grab. That definitely goes your mic stare. It is. Yeah, I heard that thing falling to the ground, and I looked for it when I was and I did not see it. I think it actually, Oh my god, let me do what I want to do. Well, you can do it wrong.
It's my life. Don't do it all stuffing stupid. That's fine, we're not tatching. You don't tell me I all of my life? Okay you cord record needs to be flipped over the other side. There you go. That's better like this. How it helped? That works? I don't know how it goes. Yeah, that's perfect that This is why we have such good equipment. Yeah, project, it's really far. Well. Hey there and loocome again to another episodes. Joe making noises. I was trying to catch
it before. There's there's always know, there's always like you ought to wait the additional second little there's always a yeah, follow on? Okay at all seriousness? Okay, this is bantering right close up on this. I wasn't sure about that. I get Can you talk directly to the top like that? Can I just do this the whole time? Would you you do go to the gym so I could extended plank man? What's the diver? Watch good music? You could probably knock it around a little bit. Are you chewing gum? No?
Good job? Good job? Oh he made a note for us though, made that note? Did you make the check the mixture perfect. We want to make shirts on yes, because we don't want this one to be not recorded like we did once before. Yeah, it happened that it was the worst. That was the worst story ever. Sorry about that. Guys were still recording it made you listen
to it, dang it. By the way, some guy was asking a few guys were able to intro put their intro music, and when we could do this, And I'm guessing the answer would be, it's not us, but somebody else asked me, and I'm going to edit the crap out of this. Yeah, yeah, I guess. I imagine he will come. He will yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know who it was. I don't remember names. So are you going to are you going to hang out here? And just sort of yeah, we did not show our a
whole lot that It's true. Okay, stinky smell. I didn't think you would be able to smell me from all the way over there, but m M expert SNAs right here. Listen, I spent two days on airplanes with this guy with his gum. Yeah, you did his gum. I don't know why it is, it's the smell of it. I know it's a fruity flavor. But it smells. It smells like the same flavor, the same smell that they put in the toilet water. For some reason, I just immediately associated
the two. And now Joe talks to me, I'm like, toilet water. Toilet actually, probably because he's been drinking toilet water. Hey, you know what's wrong with that? Nothing, that's water. You get heavy metals that way. It's good enough for your dog and your cat. Okay, let's do this thing. I don't need it. Oh, you're a pro. She's like this four years or something we have you're kidding. I gotta quit and we're back. Beautiful good name for a band, The Dead Hooker's Dead Hooker. Yeah, it's got a good
hook to it. How about Dead Hooker Pete? No, No, that's gross, really gross. The Dead Hooker Society. Maybe mm, would Robin Williams have started that, that's my question. Yes. With Patrick Swayze, yeah, that would be that would actually be kind of funny. And he's teaching Patrick Swayze. That's this exclusive boarding school for boys, and Patrick is obviously like forty three discovery how much how much he loves poetry. But then but then his dad like his dad, like
you know, like like pisses him off, it kills himself. Oh, I'm picturing that. It's Mrs Doubtfire teaching um. Patrick Swayze in um too, Wong Foo, thanks for everything, Julie Newmar who's pretending to be a seventeen year old girl in a pert prestigious all girls school, and then they both find out that they're both men in drag. Oh yeah, after their affair to see you guys have missed. I
shouldn't have, said Robin Williams, because we've miscast this. It's should have been Patrick Stewart playing a seventeen year old boy. He just passes. That might be exactly okay. Actually want to hear a weird fact. I was listening to a horror movie thing today, and you know the mask in Halloween that the character wears. Do you know who that mask is? Who said? Patrick? No, it's a I thought a hockey goalie mask. Show. O. God, come on, it's
coming to you because I'm talking it shatter. It was shatters like the other captain, the other captain whatever painted a Captain Kirk mask, and that's what he wears in Halloween. Really I thought I spent I mean literally decades. But I thought he just wore a hockey goalie. Man, No, that's that's Friday, Friday the thirteenth, is the is the hockey mask the other guy in Michael? Yeah, Michael Myers is the one who's wearing That's the wrong Michael. He's
also impassive in the face. They painted a shatterer mask. I did not know that we huh was that to put down a shatter It's kind of an homage. I think it just happened to be with them. Yeah, okay, let's do this. Okay, you know, and do you want to said Bitchen. So I'm going to say blow job, Bolsa baliska, Yeah, pasilla, not vasilla. And now, oh now vanilla vanilla ice cream. It's a vanilla ice pick murders, Yeah, vanilla bean? What about vanilla ice pick? I like that idea.
That guy sucks. Is he still alive vanilla ice? Yeah? He has a reality TV show now where he's a contractor. That shows you how much TV I'm watching these days. Yeah. I don't know how I came across. I was probably stuck in a hotel or something going well, god, so is that what he does for a living. I don't know, Joe, You're exceeded the knowledge I have about current fology the amount that you care exactly. Yeah, I understand. Okay, okay, alright,
let's talk about subject to hand here? Oh yeah, did you I don't even sell my notes Dean about you? Do you want to do that? Do you care? Okay, so you can say something like that. Guys, do you know what data is? And something like that? Okay? Okay, all right, Well you don't need coaching on how to throw familiar you're a check all right? Oh boy, Okay, here we go. Okay, good n that's fine. Or the three of us all together? Could I'll go theory. I'm gonna save that for our very last episode that we
ever do. Well, let's just try it just for the fun of it. Let's see how we sound. You're ready are recording? Yeah? Sadly? Okay? On three one two three theories? That sounds awful. Let's do it. Let's do it again. Fine, theories, got nothing but theories? Okay? Where were we? No bad, bad, bad races. There's a little motorcycle gang that's sometimes thoses around the neighborhood. Okay, happy, happy, happy us. No, yesess, internet strangers, dictate the mood that I am feeling. Ready,
you internet strangers, let's him go. All right, I'm speaking in the same language that is written on that terrible CD that Joe has out there. I'm missing the Steward Hank. The h is silent. All right, here we go, alright, time for our new theme music inside with the gig sideways. Okay, hey, okay, a weird noise. Yeah, let's let's do a little chair to make ourselves all jazz. You know these never work. I know, Joe, you wanted to turn the volume off
your phone instead. My point is it's really dumb. I know you're being obscenely paradoise. I know, like, don't buy Kiwi because they're the government monitors Kiwi kind of crazy paraoid, because that's a crazy paranoid theory. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever heard that theory before. How long do you say it again? Yeah? I do, And I want you to at least one more ever than you did initially, So I really hope you were counting, Okay,
were you were? You? How many? I do? I'm okay, let's go. I'm sweaty. Sorry, did they give her give him a leg up on the investigations? Just sitting over here cackling to yourself about a job that's pretty funny. Yeah, okay, we'll give you that. No, it's not a time, it's middle. Is it called the middle of the knife? Not called that, It's called the uh. No, it's not called the uh. We could, if you want, just called you know where
the blade goes back into the handle that Devin Stevins googling. Okay, what the is that thing called? I know this, God damn it, brain for it. Stations of trust. But if you want to fall backwards into the blanket, I swear that we Joe and I will catch you. I've seen that done with two people. It does not work because we both go not in. Yeah, yep, you do. It's true. It's hard these days because people are you know, they're texting whatever. You know, you're falling backwards, and they're like like,
what did your phone? You know? Yeah, I'm talking about that time when when Henry died and I was I went out back and I wrapped him up kind of, and I went out back and I started digging his grave, you know, and it was raining and and I'm almost done with the grave and then the doorbell rings as Rob and and he and he's like, oh Henry died and everything, and he was all serious and everything, and then he was Henry was lying on a on a towel on the living room floor, and so I picked
him up and I wrapped him and everything, and I had him to Rob and we went out back and Rob was carrying Henry like, you know, really really really solemnly like this. And then I hear his phone go blipp and I like, back, he's got him like this, So what's going on? Okay, Henry, Henry survived, excepting didn't. He didn't know any better at that point. Yeah, I
am Zultar, Okay, always serious. We're the host of you Will you Shall be Our Slaves, the podcast that tells you about the coming New World as soon as the mother Ship arrives at Portune Teller I don't know what a space alien, dude. No, he's the sports and teller from Big Oh. That's right. I gotta I gotta get another name and people to us, how about Okay? Alright, ready,
Crazy yellow Eyes. It's the funniest thing, got crazy yellow eyes and a sort of crazy expression on, and she's just like mortal man, I must have your seed, right. That's how it works, is like I'm actually gay. Yeah, that's a ticket. I'm gay. No, no games, Yeah, that's all what right, that's going to have to cut that. We have to come. I don't care, So I don't want you guys to put in a whole lot. That's all I was putting into right now. Okay, in this
creepy jerky state. Um, that's like two million, two hundred and a a two million. God, I put a weird thing in there, and I didn't correct if. I just want to see what happened. I'm listening to phone down. I'm ready, I'm listening. I'm not making eye contact, but I'm listening. Oh, it's gonna take him five minutes. He's going to clear throughout like twenty times. I totally have enough time to send off a couple of emails. It's fine, good, Okay,
it's gonna go out for a cigarette pretty soon. Thanks for reminding me. Let's yeah, okay, ready, let's do it all right, let's do this. Hello, Well, no podcast. This week, we're making fun of hair lips, so all of our hair lip listeners. What I found out from my physical therapist through this accident that I am what's called hypermobile, which means my joints just don't stop where they're supposed to stop, which explains a lot of where. So you're
more flexible than they average, just like naturally, way more flexible. Yeah. And she was like, do you hurt your joints a lot? And I was like, yeah, I do. And she was like, yep, yep, you're you're hypermobile. She's like, have you always been flexible even without trying? And I was like yes, and she was like, m you know what you have to do is you have to like buy write a letter to Hillary Clinton and just say Hillary, where do you get your clothes? Because it looks like you can barely move
than those outfits for once. Was working on those for years. And I know everybody makes fun of your wardrobe, but I really envy. Okay, he was ready, Yeah, let's do it. There's flies everywhere, just a little fruit flies things down from your fruit rotting flute fruit. I got a couple of apples. I just threw it. And then you need to take the garbage out store a whole bunch of fruit in your atteq rea. Yeah, okay, al right, okay,
let's start. Let's mix yourun yepp okay, all right, here we go, all right, years the murder, come on, all right, let's go. I think murder is funny. Okay, I'm sorry, but you know, okay, alright, done. Sorry for too soon to get punchy. We're not on it, all right, we're ready. M hm. Was that it's not that's the first time I've heard Devin fart. Yeah, sure of course. Yeah, see I can recreate it. Yeah, that episode that gas gasser of the studio. Already. Let's do this thing, all right,
m I don't know it. Could I think this thing but that you used to burn ants? Oh yeah, that thing, the ice scope thing? I like that. Did you use fart? Oh? Is that your chair? Okay? M m hm. Joe trying to be quiet is my favorite because it never worked. It's like a teenager sneaking in after hours. Yeah okay, okay, Bob Away, I don't like you up to it still still trip? Sorry okay, okay, s a yeah dah, it's thinking. Oh actually, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I hate this car
accidents still mean up somehow acupuncture just doesn't. It just doesn't sit right anymore, which is really fun thing to have happened. From the rear, ending it's good times or maybe I'm just getting old, you old bag. There you go. If you say it again, all laugh like you said it the first time, just just to prove to let's your best laughed Devan. She does it all the time on this show. Only laugh you've ever heard. I thought you liked my humor. You're supposed to laugh? Oh, try
it again. Yeah, I thought you loved my humor. Oh you do. Yeah, that's what a genuine last sounds like. Right, Okay, you ready in April seventeen, mere months ago, said okay, let's do it one more time. Uh huh, okay, are two years in the future. Well I'll still be alive. Good work buddy here just in the litter boxes, clear, all right? Okay, but but maybe he's not the best semen in the world. Don't you don't laugh? I knew
you can laugh. Now you're laughing. Oh my god. The word is by the way, see man, except Nazis, you can't say that. That's kind of discriminatory. Anything you can't say I did I tell you guys about that the Wolfins. I did the Wolfenstein thing where it was like this Wolfenstein game has been this series for Phillips and like since the eighties, and every single time the tagline has been killed Nazis killed the Nazis, And until this year
everyone was like yep. And then this year they were like, Wolfenstein killed the Nazis, and a bunch of like white supremacists were like, um, that's offensive. You can't say that. What anyway? Okay? Did they change it? No? Nazis come the alienist A L A l I E N s A l I E N. I had to zoom in. I couldn't read it. I did m hm. He's unlike any other nutritional snake. Oh my god, like any other nutritional snake. Okay, snake, nutritional snakes. I fit nurished is
in like dear lord, Um, did you breaks? No? Do you need the duck's tape? I need to put my phone onto he needs to have the phones out. Should turn my right off. You should have not have a ringer on. I'm explaining all things in a strange manner today. This makes great audio. Joe leaving the room, clump, clumb, clumb, Joe returning to the room, Joe's squeaky house talks. Maybe that's what we should do, is our special episodes, just
the squeaks of this house. Well, if we were going to do a haunted house episode, we've got a lot of sound effects right here. Let's say that's a good episode for whatever, some of our special content. Let's do a haunted house Jim. Yeah, I know, yeah, news alert. It'll be found footage. It'll be like the Blair Witch Project found audio footage. Yeah, I'll think of something. Okay, alright, let's go ready. Yeah, yeah, that's a fun story. People
get killed, you know. Hey. Well yeah, I'm okay, I'm sorry, Okay, let's go back to it here. I'm trying. Okay, that's okay, that's okay, that's fine. You destroyed that rug which has been in my family for so many years, tied the room together. Yeah, okay, thank you, Van, if you like for your team. Now, good job. That's Britt the Corpse. Yeah. Actually that's a really good, um kind of list. That's actually a really little thing you right around. Um, I'm gonna try it one way, okay, and I'm gonna try
it another way. You're reading my mind or actually, maybe I pulled a joke out of your mind. I do that a lot. Yeah, all right, here we go. Well, I don't want to have Steve mouth. It's the worst, that's what I call it. Now. I can't even stand my own mouth. Uh. You know, you see your cat, you catch your cat pooping on your bed, and you think to yourself, wow, I didn't have my camera. I didn't capture that that wonderful image. And so you want to go back in stage and similarly in war, you
know you see something really awesome. Can I ask a question? You want to go back? And we have a lot of questions about that question, analogy. Okay, it's like this. We don't do the no. I'll just say like this, it's easy. Hi. This is the Tax Crime Investigation, the unit of I r S. The reason you are receiving this prerecorded messages to note value that I r S
has issued and arrest warrant against you. Right now, you and your physical property, those are being monitored and it's very important that I do hear back from you as soon as possible before we proceed further in any legal manner. My direct call back number is thank you.