The Mask Comes Off Eventually

And testing one, two three.

If you hear my voice, that means you're listening to a new episode of Catch His Feed with your boy Joe. Now, I know usually you would hear some other names, but they're not here right now. Y'all went the pod, and I know y'all have been waiting. It's been three months of silence, but people being busy, and I'm not gonna apologize for being busy. But we do have a new guest, a little permanent guest. She's going to introduce herself.

Hi, everyone, this is a Valeria Venia checking in at the Vania on all platforms, Instagram, YouTube. I'm super happy.

To be here.

I'll work glud to have you. Well, I'm glad of you.

Thank you for having me.

So, you know, for the olders who don't know, I make friends with everybody all the time.

So that's how this came up. We're both at a open house for some acting school.

Stuff going on that later on, and we was in a circle and we're just introducing each other and I was like, hey, I'm Joe, and you were like, hey, I'm.

Hilarious, and then there you go. Now we're friends.

We have a lot of the same interests and yeah, and I was like, hey, I have a podcast.

She was like, you need a guest host. I'm like.

Cool, that's literally literally that was a five second interaction and that's all we needed.

And we're here. How's your day going.

It's going well so far.

We're off today, even though we are, you know, a podcast host and a YouTuber and a baker, an actress and a sing girl, so our corporate girl and we're off. So you know, we thank God for that. So the day has been good. It's a beautiful day. It feels really.

Nice out there, and I know all the falling it's a little bit crazy doing too much, but you know, it's nitty. It's world four four four day this weekend, So what is that like?

All right, so I've been down here.

This is my fourth year being down here, and I hear like full four folk is is like a holiday?

Yeah, basically you know four four is like the mainland area code. Yeah, right, and so this week is April fourth, four four. So I don't even know when this came up, but they just started doing events.

For it's.

I I noticed that Atlanta celebrates literally up and down there like there's nothing and I know that there's a four or four event this weeken called Atlanta isn't Real, which is a fact.

It's not a real place. Everything like, yeah, which is great.

You know, life, you know, every day is a gift, but like some of these these yeah, I.

Mean, you know, most things are made up. Like we live on a floating rock.

So there's you know, just kind of existing now.

So there's that.

But you know, from what I understand, for for day and weekends, just to really celebrate the heritage, the culture of Atlanta, the real Atlanta before all the gentrification and people who started moving here from other places.

Which is not a bad thing. I'm not from here initially.

I'm from Florida, Like I grew up mostly here like in my childhood, so I mean technically i'm from here. I'm just a Southern girl for the most part. But anyway, that's what it is. So to answer your question, the day has been wonderful.

I'm excited for the weekend. It's it's also resurrection.

Weekend, way more important than more important.

ReHO me.

My sister's coming here this weekend to visit. She has never come down here to visit, and she's not even.

Coming for me.

So she's going to see you. So that's a blessing.

Yeah, she needs someone to stay. It's all good.

But but yeah, that's the case. Today. I'm a TikToker. Now, boy, just hit one thousand likes finally.

I know it's a small feet, but you know, small wins. We're gonna get to that million.

You know, we got to start at one thousand and get to a million, so I was really excited about that.

Congratulations.

You know that TikTok brand is growing podcasts back podcasting. My baby.

I say this on almost every pod podcast is my baby and I ain't watching you.

Girl, happy to be here.

I appreciate it. You know it's crazy.

Black Effect got a podcast festival and all the big heads.

I don't know. I don't know about this year another line, but I went last year.

I was on TikTok and.

Last year I went on since it was April, and I went on the Food Fast. I will tell you about last year. I went there and they were selling every version of Jamaican food there and.

I was always heard, I always hurt.

I love Jamaican food. Bakan food is my favor.

If you want to send us some Jamaican. But it has to be fresh.

It has to be fresh to be Jamaican making it. I don't please.

Or so.

I'm not to ask you since I know nothing about you technically, what is your nationality?

My nationality? Oh guess?

Please guess, because I'm always interested because people think I'm some of everything you know.

At one point in our conversation, I did think you were just making uh huh, I knew it.

I did think that that's the main one that the people think.

That did be bloothinky, that did be boo think no one more.

I just went on Trinidaddy.

No, I am not griping at all. I am only African American. I am just a black girl from the South Bay, Okay. Born in Miami, Florida, raised in Okalla, Florida until I was about eleven, and I grew up here in Atlanta.

My parents are from Florida, both of them.

My mom from Miami, my dad from Ocala, like a country in the city house met and made this amazing specimen of all.

Right, So, since you probably also might not know, because we know nothing about each other, I am Haitian, okay, since you were, since you're from Miami, but you know a lot of Asians.

Yes, Well, I didn't really know a lot of patients for the most part because I grew up in on Calla, which was mostly white, very rule. But I met a lot when I was in Florida STATEI a lot of Haitians were there, like PLI my closest.

I believe it. Damn. We have a lot of hat I don't. Yeah, I got a few down here, I'd say like five six. I was trying some more because I think we just when you're amongst people who just get it when I'm a monkst like, oh, the other night, me and to my roommate Qute, who you don't know because we just met, but.

Q uh he used to work somewhere with a punch of different hats, and we're all like cool, like one cuts of my hair, like we're all cool. Like the other night we were all together and we're just chatting it up, and they were talking about their one friend who moved back to Haiti. So it was just like, dang, like I know, these jokes only hit with us because.

We you know.

So that's why, Yeah, I did not know you were you were though, I thought you may have just been black.

But maybe that's just us looking at each other from our own list. Like you thought I was going to be in a sore dang, I got no sauce.

No she thought I was just lemon bepel, no nothing, no.

Sleep potato maga.

Long as he's not punkin, So I'm not even a podcast talking. You're like punkin pie. Oh good, you might have just lost.

Oh god, I want to It was great, It's amazing.

Don't telling me like raisins, that's what we like. What's black people and mayonnaise?

It staks. It's now. I'm going to be honest.

You don't like sandwiches. I love sandwiches, but I want sandwiches there.

I'm a honey mustard type of person a d I'm a mustard girl. I can do mustard, different types of mustards. I love, like balsamics, like vinegars, oil. Yeah exactly, Yeah, so I like I like other sauces. But if it's an aoli, like a fancy male, maybe you made it from scratch or some garlic in it.

I do not like eggs.

I actually love eggs.

I mean eggs. I don't like that.

I don't know why I don't like male.

I think a kid.

As a black person, I guess, I guess so I thought you should throw the mail out. It's men like someth No, it's.

A lot that like it.

Oh God, that's what it was.

Stink And I think like I used to hate how it would get on the corner of people's mouth.

What And.

I used to like recipes of my grandma. I love her so much, my dad's mom. You know, she'd be ninety four years old. That's my Fama's taller grandma. I haven't knew, but she used to have dirty dishwater. I can see little things of male.

Just like.

And I was disgusted. I don't like that.

Do you ever think like in life? Right, just imagine that memory just said, do you ever think like in life? Some of these things really shape Like I.

Really like I'm one of those people, Like I'm really like I overthink like everything. I really be thinking about how I am and why I'm like this. You just say you want like Minni's, and then like, think about what you just said. You said I don't like Minni's, and you're like, yo, Yeah, I was a child and somebody would wash mayonnaise off the plate and.

I see the little squamis in the sink.

And they're like, nah, cooking, And now you're thirty, you're thirty, You're like, no way.

Remember them squids in the sink? Absolutely not, Yo, that's everybody.

That is so true because we connect.

Or were shaped by our mostly by our childhood experiences, and we don't have I don't have research and science to back that up, but I'm sure that we could look that up exactly. And the traumas that we experienced are just the things that we look at throughout our time as we growing and effects how we see life now.

Child is extremely important. People raise your kids, raise them correctly. Sometimes people think incorrect way is the correct way, but anyway.

But you know correct is also.

So there's that.

And then if I did say then it was a correct way to raise children, that would be by upstand That.

Is another conversation.

Raising kids just be good people at this point, whether Kingdom stands or not, just making that's all. These kids may be walking around just disrespect like I see a lot of video. I don't know what part of the internet.

I'm on, but.

They'd be like kids like hitting adults on there, like old people. I'm like what we're talking about, what they're doing, like kids cursing in front of adults. I'm like, like I said before, I loved me a sentence and the answer sometimes but like in front of the ogs, like something crazy that should hurt you, Like no, I'm so sorry that.

The parents now see. And that's and you know, and if that's subjectively the good way, I don't care. Sounds good to me. Teaching is to be normal guys, that's all.

Caring, you know.

I'll be nervous. I was. I was.

I was walking to the UH gas station across the street. They're just like three kids in there.

I'm like, yo, what I want? What you want to do? Like what you want to do? Like I don't know, Like when of them came up to me asked for the time, I'm like, what the time? No, because I see what they get into. I see what they get into.

An example.

Yeah, I'm not going to be the example they want me to be, not like the society, but like the kids, like when they be recording being up old.

Men, I will not be that example. I will make you an example.

I'm jumping in on the old man.

This is crazy, This life is weird. We're in twenty twenty six and kids are beating up old people. I just walking around with this and it's had like I seen, uh it was high school teacher. He's like seventy some years old. Mind you, my parents be old that just during seventy two. And he's like, now, like he's a king.

You know, we've got our use from the past. But like seventy two years old. For me to go like, h that's ridiculous, that's crazy to get an old man you think he's a worthy advocate, Like he's gonna come back.

With that anyway, you don't have anything better to do.

I think that's I'm actually happy that you said that, because I think that's what it is. I'm at the gas station to get price gummy bears like a child, but like.

What you're doing here? It's like eleven, yeah, it's eleven something. What are you doing out here? Your child? You look like a child, you're short like a child. What are you doing it here? What are all three? Are you doing it here? You plan on doing something? I seen one what I'm saying on the one time, So I'm like, what's so like? Child? That's why? Oh? What time is it? It's just like a prank, like do you do something? But I mean, what time is it? You got that

Away from me, right, I know it's time for you to go home, young man.

But you but every time I tell this story to Q, he'd be like, you're You're just an angry old man. That's right. I rarned it. I arned it. I have somewhere to stand up.

It's really cautious, you know, because like, no, I'm driving in there, standing in front of the gate. Oh that's why I gotta be useless from kurs calgy. No I'm driving, what do you do?

Children are lacking respect these days, and as the new parents, those of us who are probably twenty five, thirty thirty, I tell you were from thirty to forty five years old, our children are probably the ones that are two means right now, and uh, they're like respect. But we can do a lot better.

My SUSI has a baby every year. She's forty two, and she h, she's the new parents too. Contechnically, technically, but she she's like, it's the worst I've ever seen it. He used to have this job in this dude, he's an old head.

He's called pimp. He used to he literally just walked down the hallway and he'd be like, Yo, pamp, what's going on?

How you doing.

You'd be like, it's the worst I've ever seen Like, it's the it's everything to say, it's the worst I've ever seen it. Man, it's the worst I've ever seen it.

Like, and he said, like a catchphrase, Oh, it's the worst, the worst I've ever seen it.

I'm telling you. I feel like just as experience in the people who are in charge.

Of these kids, and we just have a lot more to do to make things be better because they're only gonna do what we allow them to do, absolutely at least until they get to a certain age.

But like true, we be just letting them go.

We let them be to their vices, we let them be on their phones all day, we let them be influenced by whatever, We let them be spending the night of people like my parents would never when I was a kid, there was no way I was going to my quote unquote boyfriend's house no to do what y'all be going out other date, but you're coming back home? You know, when I was sixteen, seventeen.

Eighteen.

Eighteen. You know, I always think that.

I feel like Haitians were always ahead of their time with this kind of stuff, you know, unrealistically sometimes but like sleepover, made up dating, made up. Yeah, like finding any type of independence in any version of that work made up, no chance. Like even now I'm thirty and like, I'm still like sixteen to them, i still have a child.

But like, and I think it throws them off.

They're like, oh my god, it's nineteen ninety five, little baby thinking somebody.

Yeah, I'm an adult. I'm an adult.

I'm a woman. Now, I'm a woman.

I went to a wedding with my parents in there and they're like, yo, you next up. I'm like, since when do you even.

Get into what I'm telling you?

Like they want us married now, They're like, uh, hello, I would like a grand child.

Oh they got seventy three others because that ain't nothing. They got a bunch of oos. That ain't nothing.

My dad has a lot to now, my mom to you know, rest the piece to her. But my dad has a few, but I haven't given them many. And at least three of my siblings me on two. Three of us don't have children.

Yet, so three had a six. You're the youngest, I am.

Yeah. Two of my brothers don't have any children here.

So one of them where they're just like, one of them.

Is God willing he'll be married. Yeah, and then the other one.

Oh, okay, all right, that's I spoke a lot. Alright.

Then he's great. He's a wonderful brother. But we just need to get him married.

Okay, we just need him married.

Jesus.

Well, I guess we've we've fasted the banter part of this podcast.

We're going to dive into Affirmation of the Day, and that is I feel safe in the rhythm and flow of ever changing life. Today, I embrace my unique journey, trust my inner wisdom, and allow myself to grow, knowing that I am worthy of all good things coming my way. I choose to inhale confidence, exhale doubt, and make a pause sative impact.

That's awesome, that's beautiful. Did you write that or did you just get it to know?

You know, it's crazy.

Ever since I started Affirmation of the Day, anybody that's on the podcast of his affirmation will be like, Yo, did you write that?

I never write them. I never write them. I'll be fine, sorry, No, it's fine. Coolan Google's available for everybody.

Google's over everybody when not everybody has a podcast to say it so good. So yeah, I thought that one naturally well with today's like topic the topic is, and usually the topics are like you know what the episode is about.

But before it used to be like just one word or like two words, but like now we're getting like a little little creative with the titles.

Absolutely, and the title is the mask comes off eventually, So we think that means.

I think the mask comes off eventually means that there can be times where we may not be operating in our most authentic selves, or as our most authentic selves, or in our most truthful space.

And.

Either there is a level of comfort that we're able to connect to that allows us to show up in that way, or there is something that triggers us having to show who we truly are.

That's that's what I get from that.

Not gonna lie that use. You gotta be permanent.

I mean the fact that you just in this you don't know anything about this. But it's actually crazy that this is the topic because I've I've been.

Examining the concept of the mask in my own life a lot, like very.

Heavily in the last maybe like three months, just because I've started to I take a lot of like inventory with myself, and so I'm always looking at and I care a lot about perspective, my perspective in other people's perspective, because I understand.

That the way I see the world is not the same vision that you have.

And so I've had to start like really just looking at myself and looking at this quote unquote mask that I wear in the world, being a black woman, being you know, a woman who is brilliant on extremely sparning on me, you know, who's a creative and who was beautiful. And oftentimes I've started and you know, obviously we both wear multiple different masks in different places, but I've started to realize that sometimes based on the perception that someone else.

Has of you.

With the masks that you have on, they are going to attach a certain reality to.

Who you are exacts, especially if they know you for like who you used to be exactly, it's just who you are becoming or are now.

Exactly and I'm starting to have to learn how to operate in my own authenticity regardless of the mask that someone else has for me, and realizing that I wear one. Like in a space where I'm at work, then I'm a black woman who's in corporate, but when I'm at home with my family, I'm little VV, the baby sister, the baby daughter, and so in those spaces I might look a certain type of way to them and so they will treat me accordingly.

But then it's also like I'm still I'm a woman.

I'm growing and I.

Have a different like dynamic, and so I have to show up how I am, not how you want me to.

Or how you perceive phenomenal phenomenal answer.

And I think it goes into in this first question, when do you feel like you're the most on, like who you are versus when you're actually being yourself? So not like I said, I'm so sorry, So when do you feel like you're I guess the mass per se the most on versus when you're most yourself.

Definitely, so I'm most asked when I'm getting to know someone for the first time. I think, especially when it comes to like romantic relationships and partnerships.

I feel like I show.

A reserved part of myself and that's just because I don't trust people very easily.

I'm not going to show you everything.

But also in like corporate spaces, in like business and career, I notice that I tend to like just take back some of my personality. I have a very bright, lovely personality, and I don't like to show that often in certain spaces just until, I mean, unless I feel like a certain level of trust with the people that I'm around.

Because I've also learned that based on perception is reality for real real.

So when sometimes people are not like inherently optimistic, sometimes they see the world from a very negative perspective. And so you coming in but here with your super lovely personality, and now they have a problem with you just because you're being yourself.

And you shouldn't care. And I'm starting to learn to not care about people's because.

Old people.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

I'm learning to not care anymore what people think and how they perceive me, and I'm starting to, you know, connect the fact that their perception is the reality of mine is mine. But I do notice that in those types of spaces. I'm usually a lot more reserved and maybe not as much myself.

On's a good phenomenal answer for me.

Ah Man, this mask, I don't really know exactly where it will be on or off.

I definitely will definitely, I got a job for sure. You know, it can't just be like who I am.

But I think that over the past few years, I think I've been through like a few things that kind of the mask is kind of getting like Jim carrioush.

Like where it's like stuck on my face.

Like we live in a world where like the nonchalant thing is very cool, Like it's so cool to be so weird and.

Not have emotions.

So I think sometimes I like tap into that, but I don't really tap into it well because that's not who I am. But I think sometimes it's I don't want to ever seem too eager or like anything like that.

So like for me specifically, when I get excited, my boy, this is really hot because but like something happened to be like oh, like.

I want you to do it, like it's really hot, so it's like damn, I'm like all right, So but like some people like you, you're super hype, we're like you. So I'm like, oh yeah, I forgot, I'm not a lot to like stuff like oh yeah, that's cool, and.

That's exactly what I mean. That's exactly what I mean.

Like you have a certain level of expression that you want to have, but because other people see life in a certain type of way, you express yourself and it's like a.

It's like I'm sorry, I'm a human.

Sorry, I'm just excited.

And that's the skin color.

Thing too, you know what I mean.

It is you wear the mask of black, and so it's often associated with us not being a certain time and if we are, then we're weird or we're like doing too much, and it's like I'm just existing.

Growing up, I was I was too too black for white white and people every time because I was a little kid that like power. I'm sorry, but I musicals and stuff like to but liking to sing. It kind of just got cool, you know, So I guess I could say I'm but.

Anyway, But yeah, I was always I was never mind you.

And then I to deal with that, right, and that's like regular public. Then I had to go home and not be Haitian enough either. That wasn't like something that was pressed on to me, but like it was.

Evident I don't speak creole as much as anybody else. I was the only person of my immediate family not born. Don't tell that to the people, but you know that's what I'm saying.

So it's like, all right, I you know it should be hardcore a lot, but like and that's all a part of me, Like that's a thing. Like like I said, like I'm an cooltinu.

You gotta go. I'm gonna do this tomorrow, the next thirty get on my way. So like some of that stuff, it was.

Like dang, So growing up, I'm can't go to school dances, I can't see with my friend's house, I can't do Halloween. Halloween is a little bit different though, that's like that's a kingdom thing. But still it's like, dang, I'm not allowed to do any of these things. And then like if I complained to like a sibling or something, they wouldn't like push it down, but they're like none of us we're really allowed to do it, right, But you also are both fifteen and thirteen years.

Older than I am, so like that we're not in the same generation. So it's a little bit different. So yeah, so that all that.

Creates a mask to necessarily be accepted or not exactly ridiculed. But like you being thirty and not caring about anything, I'm gonna be ridiculed regardless. There's just new things I gotta get ridiculed about. Yes, even having this podcast. I told my brothers sister, they were like, yeah, podcast.

I'm like yeah. They're like, how long you had it? Like three years? They're like, yo, I ain't telling me. You don't like anything that I do creatively. Oh, you don't care. Not that you don't like it, you really care. You're never gonna listen to an episode. You don't care. It's okay, no, no, that's not it.

Yeah right, okay, real quick, the people who are closest to you.

Get the stranger that's two thumbs up on that one, and I endorsed that message. You see all these you see these thousand likes on tik top. It's yeah, for sure, I can't be like that because that's disgusting. But you know, I can see the views people.

I can see the the three hundred sometimes a thousand views on the videos, and I see the people watching you're close to me, God.

Still loves you and talk tapping.

Next question, speaking of the people in your life, do you think the people in your life truly know you are just a version of you.

Oh that's a really that's a really great question.

Yeah, that's a great question. Let me ponder, do I think the people in my life know me or just a version of me? I think, God, how do I answer that. There's like one person in my life who I think really knows me. That's my cousin, who's really like a sister to me. I think she's like the one person who really knows me, like the super authentic version of me, the creative, super bubbly, but also who gets.

Mad and kind of it you know, can be over zealous and the overthinker. Like she knows every I guess a version of me.

I would say, my siblings, my dad, they're starting to know this newer version of me. But I think and my friends as well, they all kind of know the version of me that I was from when they first met me, and I think sometimes they kind of like see me as that girl, and now they're having to relearn me in different ways, and I have to be intentional about how I present myself to them so that they can see this new version. But thankfully I have

And so especially with my family, I'm always leading with like is this something that the world would be okay with? And sometimes that comes.

To backlash because it's like, Okay, you're doing too much, and it's like, okay, I just want to make sure you don't go to hell.

But you know, I'm just trying to.

Help, so so that.

And so yeah, I think like they're starting to get used to this newer version of me and they appreciate it.

But yeah, most of them, for the most part, have like associated me with this one version.

And also I will say if there is a version that most of the people in my life have.

Associated me with, it would be the younger version of me, like the pre eighteen year old version of me, who is just like this little girl, super sweet. Like, for example, I have two cousins who every time I see them, I call my own nco uncle ready, But they always say in a way that I used to say it when I was a child, So maybe like just to mock me a little bit, and it's a fun joke.

But it's like they'll be like I go right, and like I don't talk like that because you know what.

I'm saying, Like I'm a thirty year old woman that was when I was six or seven or eight, you know, And there's a part of it where it's like you'll just always be their little baby. But then it's like, Okay, y'all, I'm just not hurt anymore.

So yeah, do I think people in my life truly know me? This?

Okay, this question is really hard, it is actually, but like based on your answer, I kind of have like a similar way to say it.

I think a lot of people they do, but they don't care. They don't really care. Like now, I'm also like I'm trying to be as progressive as possible.

I'm trying to have the emotional intelligence sometimes, you know, But I think, yeah, I think people just kind of like, oh, nah, you know Joe is because you know, so I think that's more on their mind. I don't think like a lot of people give me grace on the growth. And if they do, I think they just kind of say, oh.

You grew like a little bit. I gotta give you a little bit of your credit. But I don't think people will see the growth, that's true.

And you know, I actually have to add on the growth piece, like oh, I also have to add like on the growth piece. There was definitely a time where I had a shorter temper I would and I had like a way sharper tongue, and I had to do a lot of work to like refine how I have conversations with people. And also there was like a certain level of haughtiness that I had, just haughtiness, haughty.

It's like haught y.

It's like to be on your high horse, like to maybe think that you're better than others.

And I could come off like that. Sometimes I didn't feel that way, but it can be like that, like and this is not me even being like not even trying to be in a certain type of way.

But like when you are a black child, Haitian, whatever, Caribbean, whatever, and you present well, you know how to speak, you do well in school, you're good at different sports or activities as you do whether you're singing or you're in activities, like you just you don't get in trouble. You know, you're attractive child. People are like, oh, it's so cute. You know, things like that.

It can look like you think that you're better than others.

And I found that out in working with someone who was close to me, that going back to the mask piece and like this version that they thought that I thought that I was better than them because.

I done went to college and I've done all these different.

Things, and it's like, wow, you're associating me with being a version of myself that I'm not anymore, or that I never even like really.

Associated myself with. Is more of a perspective thing for you.

So I've just seen that happen quite a bit, especially with the people closest to me, and it's okay, it's just more of an awareness thing.

What's one thing about you that people would be surprised to learn?

One thing? Gosh, I'm so interesting.

There's just so much.

That is that is it right there that people will roll their eyes and if you're not confident of yourself, you think I'll be a funny.

But any one thing that I think, it's that like I'm I'm an extreme optimist.

You're yeah, like the way my brain is wired, I really look at the good.

I don't even try to. It's like the way I see things.

I genuinely see the silver lining and things sometimes to a fault for me because it's like day everything is not good, Larry, It's not we won't live in a utopian society.

Like it's okay, you can try, but it's not always gonna be be.

Because it so I wish I had that, Like I'm starting to have parts of that, but like what there's not.

Like you said, you always see them.

You said something about the word like you use the weather analogy, like silver lining is all that s Yeah, So I always thought of the civil lining was thundered, Oh wow, always wow.

I never even associated it with like weather. I just thought it was something good.

You feel what I oh, maybe, yeah, I've always you.

Know, I've always what's one thing about you that people wouldn't know?

You don't want people to know that I would want people to know what the question was. Oh, actually I like how you said it that I have a big heart, Like I like it's two bags, but I.

Got a big heart, Like I think, Like I said, certain certain things happened throughout my life that like turned me cold in some ways. But like I I'm still Joel and I'm still like I like to joke around, like I care about people, like even though they.

Don't you know, necessarily, yeah, show that back sometimes. But like I like, I'm a lovely double guy. But I learned in therapy that you can't.

Yeah, you know I needed it. Oh, I think everybody needs it. But like if I can only speak like I needed that.

He was saying that.

I was explained to him that like, yo, because I have a very sharp tongue and I like to hurt feelings, you know, when I get triggered. But I remember the therapist was saying that, like, hey, so say if you show somebody a bunch of love and you love them, da da da, but every time you got mad, you slapped them. I was like, damn, I mean, why would I do that? That means I don't like them.

He's like exactly.

He's like, you can't do both. You can't show a bunch of love all the time. And when you get angry, it kind of your your movements start to show that, oh you don't like me. You don't like me when you're happy and when you get mad.

That's the truth in that moment.

So I'm like, I ain't gonna lie. Drop the mic, sirs. So yeah, I just want people to know I love people.

The other day I called a few of my friends and I called him and said that I loved them, and they said, is everything okay?

I'm like, yeah, like what he and my cousin. I told my cousin the other day, she's she's not like she's not like a hunger or nothing like that. So I was like, yeah, I called her my friends and told her I loved him earlier. And she was like, why you call me? You said that to me. I'm like, because I think you'd hang up on me. She's like, why do you think? Like why do you think? I was like like, I don't know.

I just know you to do this.

See like yeah, that's what I like.

Everybody know, Like I got a lot of love, and you know, I'm still growing, and I'm getting a little bit better with the You know, I was knocked on somebody so long, I think I don't remember how.

To do it. You know, that's right?

And so y'all are listening to you right now.

Ya Who in your life gets the most authentic version of you? And why them? So?

Like I mentioned my my sisters, also my nephew, So my sister, my only sister has past as well. I didn't tell you that, but yeah, my only sisters.

Past as well. So it's five of us. I have my four brothers and my dad, my mom, and my sister have past and she had a son, my nephew, and he's fifteen. Now the sixteen is here.

My nieces turned sixteen? Is your team the birth door?

So I would say him and my cousin Kimberly, who's like a sister to me, they get the rawest versions of me because I don't know, it's just they have this inviting energy. I just feel like myself around them. Obviously I grew up with both of them, who grew up with my cousin. Her and I honestly are not cousins by blood, but she married her mom married my uncle and her and I connected. We were like eleven off of the level of B five, you know, like.

A yeah, we love be five, shout out be five.

What's up Brian, you already know what it is. And we used to write stores, and we used to write stories together, and we served the ministry together. We danced together. So so she's like the one person that I've been able to really show my creative side too. And like I know, I mentioned being a bunch of different things, like a corporate girl and all these things, but more than anything, I'm a creative and so around her, I'm able to be as creative as flamboyant, as open, as

For the love them.

Him dang, be fine, not everything said, but like be five okay, Yeah, man, be fine.

I got of stories for days about them.

We smoke joint together the club a couple of months ago, Me and be Fine.

I'm so serious. I got pictures me and Brian was supposed to go on the other that night, but that was the lord who saved get shut out, robbing his straining guys from you because he's a little bit like is.

She for real?

Yes, because you.

Got the wow. Who can see authentic? Sited me? What's it called? My my play cousin Lisa? She does. She does because she's exactly how you said, just telling y'all listen, But yeah, her and.

I don't want to be rude to anybody listening, but nobody else.

Yeah, I mean maybe if they feel as though I do, maybe I can read do it.

But like, yeah, I'm I feel like this episode is about authenticity.

So yeah, I don't think Yeah, most people just think I'm not like crazy, like nuts, but like they just be like like.

Nah, maybe you'll rexaggerated, even though.

I can almost always give you fifty forty five reasons why I feel the way that I do, but writ so nobody.

Yeah, I'm more than taking like my full self with others in my life. But that was a process.

So we're currently as those two, he shout out to Liz. She's a make up part that she lived.

Dang, have you ever felt exhausted from being a version of yourself that wasn't real?

Oh?

No, I think that's all that. I think that's the only thing that can happen.

That is true.

That goes back to the point that I may when we first started, like, at some point something is on the trigger and make you have to be who you are absolutely one hundred percent.

I was, I would say probably in a relationship.

I wasn't being my most authentic self because I had checked out on that nigga and I was done.

But I was still trying to.

Stay for what I think because I wasn't tapped in enough with myself to not accept what I was receiving, and so I just kept receiving that and knowing it wasn't what I truly needed in that moment?

Is that making sense?

Like im?

Because I'm thinking about the answer for myself and that's kind of dang. I didn't think about it like that. I was receiving something that I wasn't like that wasn't for me, and I just gotta kept.

It going because I wasn't talent, Yeah, because I wasn't tapping enough with me.

And so when I finally woke up to the author like my authentic self with then I realized this is not what I'm supposed to be doing. And I've been operating at a level like beneath myself for a while, and with that, I've been masking who I truly am, and so I've been and now I gotta walk away

What you're allowing. I guess in a way, you know, So, yeah, can you read the question? Because I just want to make sure.

When I tell you I got to write all this stuff in order, and he's hilarious, y'all.

I'm gonna lie and Joe cracking me up. Older Black people don't like to say.

I don't like you to say.

Cracking so cra Older black people don't like the word.

My mom used to not like when I said cracking me up. She's like, don't say that because.

I don't have no idea.

You just not like it.

I found it. Have you ever heard felt exhausted from being a version of you?

So?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. So I think I answered that pretty well. Definitely was exhausted acting like I was in love with somebody that or just trying to be in love with them and realizing that they may have not loved me as much or how I needed it, and I.

Was accepting something that was it aligned with who I am and what I knew I needed. I think that's initially.

Saying that, what's something you've been hiding or holding back that you want to express.

More my creativity. I need to sing.

I need to get stories that I've written from years ago out. I need the books out. I need to be singing and worshiping more. I've been dancing a lot more, thank god, but.

Yeah, my creativity for sure.

So I was definitely gonna say singing, say singing I gave up second in music, but like I'm slowly just starting to give up rap because I would mentioning the singing aspect, like I feel like, I feel like if I go one day without singing, I think that's a disease. I think that's a problem. I think that's an issue.

I love because you know, it's yeah, and you gotta work. Because I noticed like.

Some like some of those would be like all right, bet, but like I feel like it's been a little bit harder hit some notes.

I'm like, well.

It has been specifically because I don't be singing every day. It's actually hard to sing right now.

It's bad lose it. But yeah, I'm always i'd be hydening him though, I'd be like, so clearly Joe and I are.

Going to sing a song together probably but soon. I would also say my personality. I mentioned it before, but I have a very colorful personality, and I have like dumbed down a lot because just of society how certain things are.

But I think it's time for me to be.

Now.

I think that's too One thing I was expressing to a friend of mine, probably like a week or two ago.

I'm like, y, I feel like.

Thank and I don't want to be like, hey, look at me tight, but like sometimes I feel like I'd be having conversations with people and people like a third party or would come up and just have a full conversation with the other person and then that's it.

I'm like, dang, hello, up, you also know me right, And I feel like that it happened too much.

And like my friend she was like, a, maybe you're overthinking it, and then I gave her the seven examples that when it did happen.

She's like, dang, i't even notice.

Yeah, because the person comes and treats you like a human and then they keep your pushing afterwards.

Like hey, we should ain't out some time, then make friends, and.

Then they just keep pushing like damn, bro, I ain't cool, right, which is cool, Like, which is fine, Like I'm not gonna be in every circle, but like sometimes it's like, yeah, you can just say hello, it's right.

We were actually talking before you absolutely, let's not make it seem like so like I think that's what it because like it just it kind of makes me feel better.

I'm like, no, I have a personality. I'm an extrovert.

You know. One time, this one friend told me I was an introvert, which is made up right.

Perception.

And but I don't remember how you perceived that, Like where'd you get that from? You? You didn't meet me in an introverted like that. I don't know. I felt like.

I felt like, I'm like, dang, maybe I should spend the block on like all hype stuff. But like I'm a old man now, I can't.

Really, you're not old. I can let me just say this. Thirty years old is not old. Maybe we are just getting storeded like you're not old.

Social contrut at the fact we spelled the block on that immediately is crazy.

Hm hmm.

There's lots of personality over here that I've been one percent suppressing.

And to be honest, I'm not sure why.

What do you know?

I think just people's opinions. Over the years. People sometimes will look at you.

Like you're crazy, and it's like I'm not. I'm just expressing myself. So getting to a point now, it's like, you.

Know what, we also live in a very pick and choos kind of world where it's like people like people they watch, or like people they have pressures on or something like that, and they do like a lot of the same mannerisms that they I don't like you for, but it's like more acceptable for them to do.

And that's how we have to say, I f it and just do and just be because people will think and choose, so your tribe will choose you, and that's just it.

That's why I'm learning.

I'm learning that I don't have that fully understood. That's something I'm learning as I continue to do things like this, create with other creatives, to create my own things, make my own brand, you know, like, what does that look like? Who is Hilaria? Am I going to operate from my most authentic self that makes God and me happy? Or is it going to be the vision that the people want to see? And it's like no, because we could never live up to what people.

That All Right, what is being full of yourself actually look like for you? Right now? Wait? I feel like I got to answer that. You ain't answer that. Vibrating your most.

Part, it's me being in my deepest, my fullest personality expressing However, I need to or feel like I should in that moment, being very very much creative sharing the word of God in whatever way that looks like, not dumping you over the head with the Bible, but living very openly and boldly in his truth. Yeah, and being an unapologetic Betty is super smart.

Yeah, in a B five lover, it's brilliant.

I think for me, it's it's to speak up more, but like speak up more respectfully.

Because that was the thing that I've been dealing with for like a while.

I felt as though when I speak up on something that I maybe haven't, that I have to do it disrespectfully because you're disrespecting place.

But I don't necessarily have to do I don't got to go that route.

Actually, yeah, it's all about you know, how you deliver it and how you want to you know, I want to be spoken back.

To, but you know, just the overall viewing of all right, you did this, I don't like it, but I can explain it to you like this, and if you take it another level.

Not to take it three, but this overall explain myself, you know, because I you know, a lot of time I like I'm a shut down guy. I'm gonna shut down guy, because I assume a lot. I usually assume, oh, you don't.

Get it because based on who you are as a person and how you think. But I shouldn't think that way. But like, like, if I get an argument with.

Like, I mean, I don't have a specific person, but like, I usually get an argument from around the same people disagreements. If I know, like you hear about that, you're seventy two super Haitian in past, right, We're we're not gonna agree on anything.

We're anything We're not.

We're so far in generations it's not every funny. You know, he's more Haitian than me. If that's you know, there's like a level we're not. We don't. We're not gonna bang it in the same way about different stuff.

So all I can do for him is I'm gonna state the fact that I believe for me, and you're gonna state yours, and I'm gonna shir my shoulders right and wait for you to call me to activate a device because you don't know how to do it other.

Than that shout out og just say seventeen I'm saying one of the eighteen hundred. But yeah, yeah. Now it's from my favorite part of the show.

Okay, what's this?

It's top five already, Yo, we'll be chatting, yep, and after this we're gonna sing Teachers Be five.

You know the song?

Do you know that?

You know the song?

I'm sorry you guys, teach my shavorite song.

Teacher teachers trying to be.

You know them?

I don't.

Okay, I know them said he knows them right now.

As a male.

In honest society who.

Also has melanated skin and who doesn't call him gayday be five.

I'm I don't know what to do myself.

Have you ever heard Let's Groove by B five? Off the of course of the Emperor's New Grooves?

Of course, that is that work. That's so come on, come on, come on, I am losing.

I have stories about like it runs deep for your girl. My god, today you out take.

Out I don't see on Mike.

But yeah, and I've got a question on multiple teachers, so Jesus teacher spreme personally, but speaking of five and the B five, uh huh's door?

Because parents going to five ninety five eleven five?

Okay, I'm a little bit older, yeah.

Change my dad's fifth child. My name is Valeria Vania. That's the moment in what provide with me? Yea fax, I have five a's.

In my name. Jesus, They're plan is our? Is this a coincident? Now?

This is God because the number for the number for five is grace. I mean the grace is grace is fo yes, and the Lord has laced me in grace. Yeah.

Whenever y'all get to my full story, you'll understand it.

Amen. All right, Well earlier you went to college.

So the top five of the day is top five albums that came out when you were in college, Top five number one.

No particular older, just the ones that are coming to mind. J Cole, Forest Hills Drive. And I went to college twenty fourteen to eighteen, So y'all can go confern so very.

Very quickly, there was a TikToker that said this exact thing. Okay, the twenty fourth so you know, I went to school. I graduated high school like seventeen, but I went to school from college twenty thirteen, twenty seventeen. So she basically went on like a whole like three minute rent about how like if you went to college during twenty thirteen to twenty eighteen.

The music that came out during that time disgusting.

But go ahead discussing disgusting as in good good, she said, discuss school what I know what's best?

Okay, So jcob forestill's drive.

I'm still singing apparently whenever I feel like it, I keep my Okay.

What's the name of Arson Tilor's album, Trap.

So Trap Soul God Trap Soil was so good, Trap Soul, Freaking Blonde by Frank Ocean, Incredible, Solange, the Crane in the Sky whatever album that was.

I think that's the name of the album.

Backing down everything like that, I remember your name.

And of course it will God. If the Lord loves us, then we'll get it. But we God loves this regardless.

This on this album.

But anti Arihanna, oh wow, yes, Antik and I'm screaming kiss it better to.

Day, I'm I like wo, I'm gonna Travis swap. Okay, okay, okay, they're like dating at the time. Anyways, So.

My five and no particular order and not two honorble mentions, two honorble mentions is Bristilion Traps absolutely the life of Pablo Kanye West.

Okay, it was a seat at the table.

That's what.

So for random order, I didn't base it off like order order. But number five what a time to be alive, drinking future?

Oh day, that wasn't good. That was good.

That wasn't the one with plastic baglassic bag.

Oh my god, I got a classic bag, my favorite volley cash.

That crazy Number four trigger? No, these next two got me got me through a break up? Okay, numberfore trigger Trey songs really at twenty fourteen?

What was on there?

Foreign? Hold on? Is it when he was had his Yeah?

Okay, I got you when he had his arms stretched out. What's that one song? Slow motion?

So it's on there too?

Yes, that was crazy.

What are the songs great? Number three x Chris Browne play?

Guess chose the ones that I remember.

The good thing about me?

Chet about top five? I do the research point So x X got a song, and I know he's very canceled. I guess technically he is kind of canceled as well. Okay, there's so many canceled people on here.

Oh my god.

Okay, so there's a song on there, you know twelve? Uh song on twelve play by them? Okay, so it's know I'm saying it's it's featuring a dude that's kind of canceled, trade songs about.

But the song is about the songs of another man who is canceled, which, Yeah, twelve Play, twelve play the album twelve.

The song is about twelve play album what.

Don't I don't Know, Don't I don't Know?

No, twelve twelve Play isn't album Mark Kelly. So the song is about singing the songs on that album.

Wow. But there is also an R. Kelly feature on the X album called Drowning It, and it's.

They got the Kendrick They got a Kendrick feature on their autumn Leaves, They got they Got the Brandy feature.

Do Better.

Do Better by feature Brandy. But I'm very quiet, though very quiet album. It was right before Woryalty for him having his first kid. It's it's very quiet. Love More is on there too.

With Nikki. Number two. Okay, so this one, two and one, I don't know all right?

You got X so number two and one can be interchangeable based on how I'm feeling, but I think impact wise, this might be right. Number two Birds in the Traps sing Night by Travis Freaking.

Scott I have no comment because I don't know who that is.

But you never heard pick Up the Phone song, pick Up the Phone.

Pick Up the Phone the most single best song in the world, pick Up the Phone, Baby on Your Home Baby. Yeah, I know the song that is the single most best song released in twenty sixty.

Six. No matter how loud you are, I'm screaming. I'm sorry for y'all's ears.

Y'all know that twenty sixteen was like the best year old Man musically.

Yeah. Second best of the.

Baby is the best song you tried?

You just tried new Flame? Was that when the sixteen earlier you tried kiss it better?

Kiss it better?

Those Yeah, but that's a vibe. It's like in the car though. That's in the car though. That's not really like.

Okay, I'll let you finish.

Second greatest song dropped that year was Controller, the original Controller by Drake.

And Beanie Man from Jamiaica.

This song was it was the best.

Okay, you're right number two? You know Bridge of the Traps, you know Trap Scott number one. I don't think anybody touches anything.

Culture meiga. There's not one skip on there. There's not one skip on there.

There's not one that's not There's not one college party you went to didn't play not one song on the album.

No, no, I'm thinking's that's culture too.

Yeah, culture too was not as Yeah, okay, culture one freaking big on big, okay.

Bad and.

Okay, I'm not mad, s.

Got it, Okay, yeah, because I wasn't mad at that. I was definitely shaking ass and Florida state the culture or no like that that.

I don't want to.

But yeah, that's my five. I think my I like that better.

I'll give you.

I will give you culture. I could add culture. I would probably you said, we won't say trap. No, trap was all mention, Okay, I mean I would take I probably could take a.

Seat at the table out would Solange. But that one was such a vibe.

It was so good.

I used to I'm not gonna say that.

I don't say that, you're crazy. There's a something on there called Ben's b I n Z.

I think that's the second one because she made another one and she is on there. But yeah, those it's good.

Those are good. Though.

The Migos the Mules took over college.

Oh my, okay, So I have a quick story about migos.

You know them too, basically.

I don't, so just really quick because Florida State was a vibe and so we were out for a couple of my friends birthdays at this really nice restaurant, and one of my girlfriends she just happens to like shout out to jail because one time.

One thing we're gonna do is have a good ass time. Okay.

I don't know who she knew that new amigos that night, but somehow there was a conversation. They say, I know, we're on a part of us. We're going to Coliseum and we just got to go up and just like turn up with it a little bit.

So it's maybe it's it's it's trying because I went to the smallest came in my school.

Probably yeah, yeah, Florida. You know, Florida State is like one of the especially during fourteen to eighteen. That's James Winston.

Yes, okay, not to be yeah, not to be super expected.

Yeah, ain't.

I'm following that dude through the freaking brickwall. James. Yeah, I'm a Giants fan. He's a Giants Oh wow.

I didn't even know that, but yeah, he was there during that time. So like a less he was lit and we were number one during that time as well in football.

So he went to the league like that. Next year he's like, I'm on drafted. Yeah.

It was crazy. And my friend Tyreek with I don't know if you know him. He's that new actor who just came out. Who's on him?

Where are your friend?

Yeah?

I know him too.

We went to up Florida State together.

He's in BSc litly but you haven't followed me back on instad that, which is weird because why would.

You do that.

I hope to get into your catch.

I was like, not you.

Yeah, shout out to all the people at FC that I knew that I know who are doing really.

Well and I'm excited to be that person as well. Also, my friend told me she was twenty nineteen this world, which is really cool. Wow, yeah, amazing.

Maybe I don't know that many people.

No, No, it's okay. I just so happened to go to Florida, say, during like the best time of life.

He said, Tyreek Weather or Tyler's Tyreek Tyreek weathers that guy is hilarious.

He is and he was actually like that at Florida City. Who you see is like who he authentically is.

So he had no mask. No mask.

It's a perfect way to wrap it up. Shout out to you when you hear this, I'm gonna said it to him.

Yeah.

Well, dang, well, we have came to the end of the show. I tell you we're gonna We're gonna keep doing it. I love doing the body, but Dad, everybody be so busy.

So this was good, And I just want to shout you out for having a space for authentic, real conversation that I don't know about you, but I do feel like this is probably a catalyst for both of us to remove whatever mask that we may have and to just show up as the person that we are.

As authentic as possible.

So I'm really.

Happy about that. This is really good.

Yeah, and after this, I definitely got to hear the beef out story.

I'll tell you off off off the record.

Thank you for joining us on list week's episode of Catches Faith.

If you'd like to follow the podcast on Instagram, follow us at Catch This Fade Podcast on Instagram. If you want to follow me your boy Joe, follow me at Joe dot x dot I s I on Instagram. If you want to follow my TikTok what you should because we're blowing up. Follow me at I z z y eleven thirty underscore plugins.

Yes, and if you want to follow me miss Valaria Vania, you can add me on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube mostly Instagram and YouTube.

Guys at v Vania. That's v v I v A n I A V. Thanks guys, I'm looking forward.

And remember, guys, pick up the Phone is the single most greatest song ever in twenty sixteen.

You should play it every night before you go to sleep. Thank you.