Hello, Hello, Hello.
If you can hear my voice, that means you're listening to a brand new episode to catch this fade with your boy Joe.
And Valeria Vania.
So now that this is your second episode, your your your family here. You got a lot of good feedback on your first episode.
Oh cool, thanks guys.
They liked you, they they connected with you, understood you. Hey, how's your name going?
It's going well. I'm off again today, which is great during the middle of the week. So we thank God for that following in these Atlanta City streets. So I'm laughing because Joe, basically, what's fight me when guy over here? Because I did say that I would get here at a certain time and it was a little bit later, and you know, just like some of us have to do better with time management and things like that. But it's fine. I'm laughing because he's watching my story talking
about frolicking like you haven't got nothing else to do? Yes, I did wait for you. No, no, you would saying that Like he was like to me, like, you don't have nothing to do, you just out here frolicking.
Not even that, it's just you're like, yo, I'm gonna pull up to you this time, and this time, I ain't bet I'm gonna prepare for you.
Put up a story like an hour and a half after those.
Sad times, and you're like, it's look at me on my Instagram story.
I ain't doing nothing, you free tea.
So the tea is when I posted that story, I was on the way here. I said, Yo, just trying to grab you a little bite because I had to eat and it's almost three o'clock, trying to break my fast, and I didn't want to tell the people anything just yet because I wanted to, you know, post win about catch this fade when the next episode was out. So it's fine, we're good now.
But other than that, I thought he was trying to set the bob of catching the feed. So that's why he was like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna be eat you know what, and I'm I'm saying, don't put up the Instagram stress.
That's definitely not what I was trying to do as a.
Young and my friends got blocked for that.
That's crazy. Blocking is insane, especially because I'm just a girl in the way that I was just like, oh, no.
Sentence.
I was really, I'm not even gonna lie you guys, I had no idea that he was, that there was even an issue. I popped up in here with my with my girl, chicken nuggets in my side, salad from Chick fil A.
Like hi, yo.
The crazy thing is you came in here, right, You're like hey, I'm like what's up?
Like I'm like, dang, what's wrong with him? And you're like yo, ah man, So food, I didn't get you anything. Hold on.
The first thing you say, you can't believe you're like half, well, hey, that's a food.
I didn't get anything for you, though, I.
Said, just put that out there, okay, just so you could.
Know as long as he thought about me before you didn't get before, you didn't get anything.
If you want anything, And he's gonna fruit fast anyway, so he couldn't even have nothing.
In fact, seventy two hours so far. No fact.
I think that's when food the last time I did this, I think that's when food like comes across to me, even like freer, like so many more people will offer me food.
It always happens like that, Oh my God. And the Lord told me not to. He said, don't ask him.
Going to ask him, You're gonna fell the Lord into your nonsense right now.
The Lord told you not to break red of me.
No version of the Lord, he said, don't get anything from Chick fil A for him.
The most religious fast food spot. He tells you.
Don't because fruit fast. I could have asked you though it's something.
It's all good. Nah, but yeah, for real.
When I was younger, my friends they used to give blocks fast.
That's crazy, not.
Because no, you gotta think about this. You gotta think about it like this. Not no, not even not even like not even like what we came here to do the podcast. I would hit up Court, you my friend Court. I would hit her up and she, you know, wouldn't answer, all right, cool, like a day or go by day.
Two, three, goes by? All right cool. Each and every one of those days she puts something up.
On some type of social media, So I'm like, okay, there's one thing, there's one thing to be busy, but like, and her excuse to this day is like, yo, you going you can go.
On social media for like blast like something you're putting on a full bone post story. Shut up, like I'm not trying to hear it.
This was calculated, but yeah.
She's man like and it's crazy because, like you know, in our generation, we.
Don't really do voicemails like that.
Voice.
Though it's to the point where like like telling my friends started selling.
Me voicemails.
Like I love leaving a good voicemail, You're gonna lie, or like.
Wait, no, no they did because like they'd be like, hey, so try to call you back before you block.
Me, like a right.
Not to just be going on a block and free. I mean, watch watch Joe. You guys sometimes you know I'm not.
I'm not.
Don't get blocked out of nowhere.
I'm not. I'm not like that anymore. And plus it's not like you've done this millions of.
Times that I have not, and I was oblivious to the fact that anything was even wrong.
I'm trying to get off the passive stuff you see before or like a week ago, I probably just want to sat through it upset.
But I would have you know, I would have changed the voice over the pot.
But I'm proud of you for being honest and open and telling me, because I prefer when someone lets me know there is an issue, because sometimes I really don't know that I did something to slight someone, So you know, sometimes you let people know. Sometimes people really do not know. Sometimes they are aware of what they're doing, other times they're not. So this is one of them situations where like thanks for letting on.
It know a big thing with my like my passiveness or like you know how it used to.
Be where like.
You would have came in here like super happy. I'd be like, I can't be mad, Like you didn't come.
In hear me, like you like okay, whatever, yeah whatever, yeah.
But like I think you came in positively, like hey, didn't get your food a lot.
I'm just happy you you were honest. I appreciate that I do, and now I know I'll make sure to uh set better expectations when it comes to timing itself. But you also I asked for schedules, and I'm like, you're like, I'm free. I'm like, let me know specific because if you say you're free and I'm like I'm free too, then I'm gonna just freely come over here when.
I'm you set the time. I think that's the part that messes me up. If we're both free, all right, late, i'd be late sometimes. Help me.
You set a time that literally it was what you be late to times you set.
That's no, that doesn't make sense, not all the time.
It's not a dinner party. I invited you to. It starts at this time. I lied to you an hour come later, and.
Because I didn't have anything else to really well, I do have something else later today. Rehearsal at like eight.
But other than that, rehearsal eight o'clock.
Yeah, why overnight worship rehearsal.
Oh yeah, have you having dinner? Yeah? Sleep over?
No? Is that eighth pm? That's not late.
So everybody, everybody that does choir with you, they're.
All like twenty Yeah, we're in our well, everybody's in like their thirties okay. Well and we're doing a worship night yeah okay, but anyway, ya, I didn't have much to do, so I was just like, okay. Between twelve and two was when I wanted to be over here, but I didn't really start. You already know what I was the whole thing. But it's just like it was just a ballpark.
It's just it's just it's all out ballpark. Then is the set up? Yo? When you went on that story, boy.
Yeah, he got upset.
He was like, hey, what you guys do today. Nothing you need, just gallivant in the streets to these are your words?
Did you want me to tell everybody else on the way to record a part? Not even that, but like I'm kind of mysterious. I'm looking so relaxed.
Like dang, it looked like you had nothing to do with the I'm.
Like, oh my god.
And then it's crazy. Five minutes later, you're like yore. Four minutes away, I'm like, is she serious?
I don't I don't see I still don't really see the problem.
But I am just a girl.
Yeah right, it's just viby, yeah, because it's.
Just a girl.
On the positive news. One of the recommendations years that I've been doing on the pod is to fix these mics, ladies and gentlemen.
These breakthrough.
These mics are perfect, brand new mics. I haven't had a lot of them for a long time. But I just discovered in the system on how I should have been formed. I didn't know while doing the pods. So if we sound really good now, like you know, I'm excited. Mics aren't bad. I don't got cheap mics, yo, I don't have no five old dollar general mics like plays I'm so excited I finally unlocked the code.
It cast me some money, but it's all good.
Clap it up, clappy up.
I really needed I really need that.
I was very proud of you. Good job, good on you.
But speaking of clapping, h we we're gonna introduce.
The topic for the day.
Okay, it's actually ready to take it that you said yay.
Top of the day is purpose outside applause?
Oh right, okay applause.
You want to read the Affirmation of the day or sure, sure can I read it?
Thanks?
Okay, Affirmation of the Day. I release the need for outside applause. I don't measure my worth by who claps, who watches, or who approves. I am proud of who I am becoming, even in silence. I choose purpose over performance, peace over pressure, and authenticity over attention. What I build within me matters more than what the world celebrates. I am enough even when no one is watching. A.
Yes, that's awesome, ladies and ji, even though it says X y Z without applause, I do love applause clapping me.
Now, if I did some'm good?
You know you feel like it's great enough?
You can go ahead of plaut. But yeah, so let's dive into these questions. Yes, what does outside applause mean to you? And when did you realize you were chasing it?
If you are chasing it, I'm nothing to you.
What does outside applause mean to me? And what was the second part?
Second part is when did you realize you were chasing it?
You know, now that we're sitting having this conversation, say, outside applause. I think I can equate it to people pleasing if you will in a lot of ways. And so what it means to me sometimes is like leading with the intention of having someone praise you for what you've done, or only wanting to do something because you want a certain response from people, and or doing certain things just because this person wants you to do it.
Let me think of an example, Okay, Like parents often want their children to be certain types of things, or may want to want them to be in a different in certain professions, and so because you love your parents so much, you do that thing just to please them, versus doing the thing that you actually want to do. So I feel like there are a lot of situations
where we can do those things. I've found myself even sometimes like dressing, I guess for the male gaze, like you want to make yeah, like you want to be seen a certain way. And so for me, like over the years, I've just learned like I need to just
be doing whatever makes me happy. And I know that sounds very cliche, but like at the end of the day, like we'll never be able to fully please everyone, and if we're often and always trying to do that to either work a career, or dress a certain way or do our hair a certain way or whatever the case, just for someone's approval, then we'll never truly be happy within, which also kind of goes back to what we were talking about last week about the mask and things. But yeah, what about you, so.
The outside applause, I'm actually happy some of the things that you said. Basically, I feel like it's designed from you know, like you know, like when you're born, like you said, with your parents, you always want them to be proud of you, don't want them to think you're.
Disappointment or whatever like that.
But then you start getting these social spaces, like you start going to school and you start seeing like you know, what's cool, what's not, Who gets like big up, who gets made fun?
Of and stuff like that.
So for me personally, I when I was younger, I was a class caller. I can see that I was always because that's what it was like. I'm always trying to get the laughs, because when you get.
Somebody to laugh, you got them. That's what it like.
Like I go against teachers for no reason, you know me, all my reasonings was reasons, but like you know, if a teacher trying to play me, I'm like, what like stay crazy things even though I'm gonna get my ass with When I but that, I like that, like oh yeah, like oh she said it was really funny. So outside of the pause means.
To me.
That I'm doing something that somebody likes that I'm not just kind of moving like not without purpose. I don't say without purpose, but like purpose like without I don't know how to say it, like you're not really doing anything that's worth cheering for. I don't know, Like I won't say purpose, but it's kind of that though.
When I realized I was chasing it when I was younger. For sure, when I was like I said, just growing up like you, you always want to be somebody that somebody either likes looks up to it's proud of something so strict, it's a constant thing. No matter like that, no matter what is Even people who are the most successful people out there, they're still insecure. Like it's still insecure and no money can you know, Like it's it's all about what people think you all the time.
It does suck, but.
Sometimes you want a consumer Like, yeah, I think I think it was funny that you said the sometimes I just for the male gates. That's actually crazy, not crazy that you do it, but like it's crazy that you say it out loud because I've been saying stuff.
Like this all the time because like, all right, so I had this theory, right it's about Instagram.
I'd be like, you know, girls, girls have Instagrams for one reason is get attention to people.
What do you think what you think the way not all the way?
I mean you also take your content creator out of it.
Yeah, I was trying to say, because I mean there's the there's the aspect of attention because we want someone to like want to track someone. But then, like you said, there's a content creation aspect, and a lot of us are starting to use Instagram as a way to make money. So there's that you're still for exactly. But I guess My only is I just can't say that we have incident specifically to get attention.
That's it.
That's the only Like little.
Stories get stories. What yeah, not selling nothing in it.
I mean I'll be pubbing my bakery and stuff on my story.
Seeing I've seeing girls like used to talk to and say be here or something.
That's true.
Though sometimes I do be posting the story so I could get so I can see who's watching you.
Selfie start going crazy. You ain't never very selfie this much life.
Like like the but men do it too, we all do it.
People do it?
Oh yeah, anything anything that I say like, oh women do x y z, it's only because I don't like women, you know all.
I know y'all be flex and beat flexing, you know. Yeah.
So have you ever achieved something and still feel empty because it wasn't the recognition you expected?
Achieved something and not and felt empty because it wasn't the recognition that I was expecting. I feel like that's kind of a hard question for me. How about you answer?
First?
Dang, it's just say I don't really I don't really achieve I guess, but a lot of a lot of things. But like, I guess, I don't like when you're younger graduate from XYZ. I guess it's been a wild for me to be like, hey, congrats on this. I guess it's been a while, so I can't really necessarily answer. But I feel like everything that I've ever achieved that's like recognizable. I feel like I've always.
I don't mean, well, you know what now I'm thinking I could say that I feel like in recent years, the last couple of years, I've definitely achieved a certain level of and this is just based on my own measure of myself, I've definitely f ch achieved a certain level of like spiritual wisdom and growth within, like how I deal with my people, especially like my family and my friends and whatnot. Mm And I feel like oftentimes not even my friends, I'll say, cause they recognize it
a lot better than my family does. But s I feel like I've achieved a lot and I've done a lot in my personal time, like with God, to grow into like this person who was able to articulate how I feel and be authentic and not wear a mask and you know, communicate openly with people and allow them to feel they can communicate openly with me, And I feel like my family in a lot of ways hasn't recognized that enough and not necessarily given me the the
praise that I would appreciate from them. But I think what I'm starting to learn is like, at the end of the day, s genuinely people pleasing is not something that we can even lead with. Like, cause again, people are never going to be pleased, and we are people. We're there's always something that we could always do better, we could always achieve more, we could always try, you know,
go to another level, whatever the case. So I think we just have to get to a point where we're satisfied with what it is that we're doing and we know that we are aligned with purpose in that way. So like, as long as we're on that path and we're moving forward, whether someone is clapping for us, a for us, or not, you know, then then we're on point.
So yeah, okay, do you think social media has made us more addicted to validation that we realized on a million percent?
Absolutely?
I'll tell you about that Instagram I told you, I told you, yeah, man, people for sure, Like you know.
Everybody has different like journey everybody has certain level of patience that they're supposed to have for certain things. But some time it's like, damn, bro, I'm funny than this person while they're on TV. I just sing better than this person?
Right? Why they on TV? Like why they on whatever they're on? So yeah, social media, yo, supposed to me to be cooking.
Me, not cooking you, cause like like I'm like a lot of vig I do now, not necessarily a comparison thing, but I you know, I'll be going on like I opposed to tick talk every day, like for the last month, and like four days every single day I supposed to talk, And I go back on there and I'll like, after two three hours, I got like two likes. You mind you the whole thousand likes things for the last episode. There's way more now.
But I'll be like, dang b two likes. It be my two nieces to them, I love them, and be like, dang ya, it's not going nowhere like this.
And then I'll go to somebody else's page and then they'll have like a bunch of likes and I'd be like, you know what, let.
Me swipe all the way up.
David Rockets it is like twenty twenty twenty one, So I'm like, you know, after five years.
Yeah, they're supposed to be seeing someone some emotion.
So for sure I'll be like, dang, let me, let me chill, because I really just started going crazy like with it technically.
Mid November, yeah, and I stopped, and so I just gotta be consistent.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's social media. Yeah.
Social media is like a major conduent of comparison and like seeking validation in a lot of ways, Like we all wanna know that our life or whatever we're doing is the coolest, or can garner the most influence and whatnot. And just like to your point, I've learned cause I had to really actually kill like comparison in my own life because you it's so easy to see the the highlight reil of everyone's life on social media, but we can't compare ourselves to like our day one to someone
else's day one hundred. It's just not right in an n or more so, not what we can do. You know, it'll keep us in this loop that we aren't doing what we're supposed to do or we're not as good
or whatever the case. And that's why I feel it's just so important for us to not seek, you know, validation in those ways from people, because as long as we know that we're doing what we're supposed to be doing and we are consistent with it and we're putting our best effort forward, then like we should really only be comparing to ourselves and seeking the validation of course from God and like are we and from our previous self? Like is my past self proud of me?
You know?
Am I doing what my future self is going to really appreciate versus what these other people who are already in the lane of their own are doing?
So?
But yeah, social media does cause us to seek validation because again we see the beauty of everyone's life and we're like, gosh, well how did.
They get there?
And it's like everyone has a story. Friend, Just stay focused, keep it straight and narrow, put your blunes on.
You know.
Yeah, I think you kind of answered this next question well like a little bit unless you have like a different aspect. But what's something you've done more for your What's something you've done more for attention than for yourself?
Something more for attention than for myself?
Eh?
I mean I'm not gonna lie when I do post on social media, I'm not really like, I know I'm going to get attention, but it's not for attention. Oftentimes, I'm I know I'm a beautiful woman. I know that I'm creative, and I know that if I post a picture, the people are gonna like it, you know, or if I post a story and it's a substance and people are gonna respond. Well, So it's not like I'm doing
it for attention. But I have I have done like photo shoots before, maybe like birthday shoot, or I'm crossing my fingers that I get two, three, four or five hundred likes or it gets a thousand likes and it only gets a certain amount, And then I'm at that point, I'm like, do I take this down because it didn't get the attention that I wanted? I never or I've been there before for sure to.
Take it down, like take it not a notat like some take it them? What if somebody see.
Like yo, I'm not gonna lie. There was definitely a point. There was definitely a point where cause like, especially before Instagram started being all super creative creator heavy, I knew a post would be would do good if I posted it Unlet's say in five minutes I got ten likes, or like ten minutes, I got twenty likes. But if it's been ten minutes and I got three likes, I'm probably gonna take it down. And that's how it was before. I don't care so much now again because the algorithm
has changed so much and it's very creator heavy. But that was like, that was definitely a thing where I was like, Okay, if it gets the attention that I want, then I'll keep it up. If not, and I'm posting for myself of course, and because I know people are gonna see it, but I mean it's Instagram. You post your photos for you and people are gonna respond. However they do know, but I did used to want like a specific response, like it needs to be double the
likes based on the minutes that I posted it. If it's not, then I'm not keeping this up. So that was a thing strict I mean, it used to be a thing.
It was.
I don't care as much now and luckily that you know, they have the like the high to like count thing, but I don't even use that so much because it's like it is what it is. I mean, if a hundred and eighty people like your photo. Then you did pretty good at this day and age. Literally that's like almost ten thousand views. You know, people don't be liking yourself just because people are anal and they don't act like they don't see it, and it's like it's fat.
I know you see me, so it's funny. Yeah, no, like why didn't you just double tap it?
Or I don't know, it's fine the great cat Williams. Don't you know I see you right?
Exactly?
What was that question? I don't want to make sure I answered it right.
What's something you've done more for attention? Oh?
Okay, yeah I got nothing.
I don't really Yeah, I don't do anything. Yeah yeah, not that I'm like about trying to get attention, but yeah, just think not giving up. But like and it like how do you even want to sound like I'm like past it, Like I'm like I'm above later like nothing like that, but like, nah, I just I don't cares.
Like, yeah, I definitely did host a story just recently to see if there's one dude that I was like you talking to a watching and he did, so had.
You watching me?
If it worked? It work?
That was exactly, but nah, I don't.
Yeah, I don't think that CAUs.
Yeah, you know, I feel that I'm not I'm not an attention secret. I've gotten to a point now where like I really enjoy myself and I know that I'm a really cool person should you get to know me. Like, so it's like to seek your attention would be counter into it or counterproductive to just like who I am.
And at the end of the day, for real, for all, I'm not even trying to be all spiritual whatever, but legit, like if God is happy with me and I know I'm doing the right thing and I'm happy with myself, like, it doesn't really matter that much.
So how do you tell the difference between genuine and passion and performing for our proving mm?
I think I think it goes back to just authenticity, Like you can tell when somebody is just doing something because they just wanna because they want people to respond, versus when someone I like, this is really their heart
and they really enjoy what they're doing. And that's how I can tell, Like you real recognize real first of all, So when you know you're doing something that you genuinely enjoy, it comes off like that when you're not, then it just seems like, Okay, this person's just kind of here. They're just kind of faking it, you know.
Like the financial hospital you had. You ever see that person on tik time?
They've seen that doctor Peberdal and maybe like too many hows mm.
Hmmm, I think I know what you're talking about about it.
This is this is what I would say if you know, I would doing doctor jingle or whatever.
Oh yeah, got pay for it?
Mind you video wasn't HD. It wasn't like it's probably yeah yeah got py put that same commercial on uh school.
That's crazy, super genuine.
Yeah, I don't know how getting I even watch different TikTok from them and I'm like, oh, it's it's.
Like your whole big That's true too though, cause you can tell people who like have just come out and started being themselves, and then they they do it so authentically that you'll start seeing others start picking up on what they're doing and it's like, wow, this is not you be yourself.
Friend. Have ever changed who you are just to be accepted in a certain space?
Maybe I have actually, and not even in like a normal space like a word space or anything. I've changed myself, like in a relationship, to be accepted in a certain type of way, like just accepting things that I never would actually doing certain things that I opposed, just because I wanted the relationship to work. And I there was a point in my life where I really believed in potential and it was like, Okay, if I think that you can be this type of person, I'm gonna try try, try, try, try,
try try that potential. Like I would tell I don't believe in potential more.
You know, it's crazy. I've been saying it for the last on the podcast. I'd be like, oh, potential, pay no bills.
It doesn't.
You can't potentially tell your landlord that I'm about to be the red it's gonna work, like potentially or literally quite literally get out right, like literally, I don't exist.
It doesn't.
But I feel like everybody has to do that whole they could.
Yeah, And that made me lessen myself in a lot of ways because it was like, Okay, I believe that you can be this type of person, and I'm not necessarily seeing it, but it's gonna require me to operate at a lower level because the person that I think that you can be it aligns with who I am now, but who you currently are makes me have to knock myself down a couple not just to vibrate on your same level. And so I've done that before and it didn't end up good for me. So I did again
absolutely not with hard tea at the end. Not okay, we we believe in fruit. I'm only fall not even falling. I'm only connecting with people who have fruit that I can agree to and like, you know, move forward with. So yeah, I definitely have lesson myself, you know, for that attention before I think.
For me, I don't.
So like I I'll do the lesson thing like because I feel as though but I like to stay it's poor like lately, it's a few years I lately I realize it's like I'm not the person that comes talk to you.
It's always the person i'm speaking to that like, you know, gets all the love or whatever. I don't exist. So I think, uh, it's a really I guess change who I am. I just don't say anything anymore. So it's not necessarily for it's not just like oh.
Well silenced, it's a general consensus that I'm not a human being.
So I think, yeah, it's not necessarily for attention, but it is like a change.
Well you know, okay, well it's definitely a human being.
I think.
It's been like a longer one.
This decade. Yeah, the twenty twenties have been so they have been though we're a little bit over halfway, so.
I think I just, hmm, they have been gotten to a shell, like into a shell this exists.
You just made me realize, like we're in twenty twenty six. Twenty twenty started at the beginning of the pandemic. This has been an interesting decade.
So it's been long, like six years.
And also yeah, because it's yeah, that's interesting.
You know, I just kind of just getting into the corner. Just shut shut it down. Always been shut down here, Like.
It's kind of like, damn, that's what everybody too. My brother, my brother calls me all the time of the bro, where have you been. I feel like, you know, it's either you're super easy or like I don't care what I'm talking about.
That might be an inherent feeling.
Though that's exactly inherent.
There might be more. I agree, Yeah, okay.
I agree.
You know when it's when it's me so much like too many people stop speaking here.
It has to be like, see what you're saying, Like right now, I don't really call anybody it's odious.
Oh yeah, that's the thought. Okay, we're gonna have to that's gonna have to be an off the record conversation.
Next. It is a good question, who are you without complids, likes, or recognition from others?
MM, I'm myself. I am valariyavniya. I've started to learn. Okay, y'all, I'm Joe's Christian friend. Okay, I love the Lord. And when I tell you, listen, and when I tell you, y'all, please forgive me because I did say to effort a few minutes ago. But I'm not perfect. Okay, Jesus is, and it's I'm not Jesus. But like when I say, I've had to literally learn to encourage myself in the Lord,
Like I really mean that. So when people are not validating me when I do post a photo and I wish that I got a thousand likes but I only got a hundred, or when I did something really good and I wish that my family responded well to me, but they didn't. They just kind of said, oh, good job, you know, And I'm thinking that they're the closest to me, and most of the things that I do in this life anyway is for them. But I'm not getting a
recognition that I want. Then again, I have to encourage myself in the Lord, like, God, is this something that you wanted me to do? Did I achieve the purpose that you had assigned to me in this situation? If I did, then excellent, then I'm doing well. Then I'm great.
Then I'm on the right path, you know. So whether somebody comments for me, whether someone likes because at the end of the day, like we came in this world by ourselves and we're gonna leave on our own, which I'm a which I'm extremely like aware of that fact. So I'm like, if no one loves me, and if no one is happy with me, like am I happy with myself? Am I able to be in my room or on my own when I have nothing and still
know that I'm capable? And that's that's like a practice you have to do on your own, like you have tom h Like you have to sit with yourself and even in the mirror, do things like mirror work and shadow work and ask yourself like okay, I do, but I haven't actually went all the way through it. Yeah,
so you know you have to do that stuff. You gotta ask yourself the hard questions like I what what parts of me do I want to fix so that I love me more so that if no one ever tells me they're proud of me, that I don't think that I'm a failure, you know, And again that I think that also has to really go with what the Lord thinks of you as well, because when you know that you are beautifully and wonderfully made or fearfully and wonderfully made, then it doesn't really matter what anyone else says,
you know, as long as God, the creator of the entire universe, the Earth, the stars, the moon, the sun, the air, all the things, Like if he says that you're good, then like whatever, he created all these people whose opinions weren't caring about anyway, So like, m yeah, it doesn't matter that much, but think though.
Yeah, who am I without regnition? Average said difference, I don't know if the other side.
So I also after a conversation with you all the time the whole, like I think man could walk.
Around nat in comments you know, like a long time. I remember one time we had the first time we had this conversation. It was me and him another another reston she was woman, and.
We're like Dangle's last something that commented.
It's like, because you're talking about, oh, girls hate going gas station, you know guys all that.
I was like, yeah, all that's true.
And then like you know, you know, I guess you was like, yo, y'all lucky, y'all don't have to deal with you know, people constantly hitting on your day.
I was like, yeah, right, so lucky, so lucky.
I don't mind people hitting on me all day, like you know, of course it's appropriate, of course, right, but like you know, she's like, oh, you're.
So lucky, You're just goody you say nothing to you.
And I was like, yeah, that's interesting because you know, like I'm in the space while I'm building myself.
To steam up. So it's like, you know, a compliment works these days, but I think I get so like I don't. I don't know commiments and like even if I do get them, like once, whenever they happened, you know, some solstice or whatever summer, I don't. I don't even know how to react to them, and you.
Look great to this so random, thank you, You're welcome. I'm not lying. My gosh, received the compliments.
See also.
It's okay, just receive it.
But yeah, all those things, how would I look like? I don't I look with them?
Well, y'all give Joe a compliment when you see him. Okay, well just give him one, a real one.
My favorite compliments are hey, podcast.
Period.
So even if we're Atlanta, I went up to Pennsylvania, that's where I grew up, and I didn't see like somebody went to high school with like listening your podcast.
It's hilarious.
Yes, yeah, that's awesome. Ye are really good with these conversations too. And that's not me trying to be funny like this. I'm serious. This is good, high level, enlightened conversation, which a lot of people are really going to appreciate when they hear it.
So, see a lot of people, even when I google laces and they try to usually it's crazy because oh, my demographic FT is like seventy three women, seventy three women's side and the rest of men.
So like every time I like pat to a girl, she'd be like, oh, it's just dudes and mics.
Oh man, are you not anymore?
It's never been like, don't you got a podcast on the side.
Yeah, I'm like, just listen to it.
Like even if you look at the topics, they're not it's not just dudes. The first episode of the podcast is fifty to fifty.
You know, I'm sitting in amongst four other dudes talking about fifty fifty. That's crazy.
Absolutely, that doesn't even make any sense. Now do you think some versions of it is like nuts?
Like I like you need other like voices like I always That's another reason why I don't do the podcast all the time, because it's like, yo, can't.
Just do dudesh.
There's two episodes all for the voices, actually probably three for the voice. We're just talking about that, dude. Like they're not relationships. They're not like, oh, girls should be saying thewich makers not we're not on that time.
I make a good sandwich that I ain't gonna lie. I make a good as as sandwich.
Your quality because you get bad in here already, you know, And I can't build a house, so it gets bad, my lord.
But yeah, next question, every healthy is always dangerous.
I definitely can be healthy at some point. I think that what matters the most is how you view it. So if everything that you're doing is only for that outside applause, then it can become unhealthier for whatever reason it stops because now that was what you were always looking for. You were always seeking outside validation. You were never, like I've said a few times, you were never secure
within whether the applause comes or not. So I think outside applause is good because it lets you know that the people that you're more than likely doing whatever you're doing for are resonating with you, and they're able to connect, and so you you know, it's almost a measure of
whether you're doing good or bad in ways. But I think it's really important to just know, like, Okay, whether these people applaud me or not, as long as I know that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, I put my best effort forward, I'm trying to positively affect change in some way, then it can be fine.
You know.
I think healthy balance, A healthy balance, I.
Think it gets dangerous losers being minimum.
Would I have to grow if I'm If I'm a loser, I'm you know, subjectively a loser, right.
But all around with a lot of people say, hey.
Keep doing that loser thing, right, he's doing great, keep doing phenomenal.
My god, give the bigges loser.
But like by this is in the front of it, you know, so I think that's dangerous where it's like okay, air minimumness.
Yeah, we're like our foolery, We're we're pushing erringto that.
That's we're doing that.
Like that is Oh, I don't really have to because I've been on the same step and like it's like baby's taking the first steps, you know, baby steps, Like oh my god, yeah, keep going, but that maybe it sounds cool. Maybe's thirty five and yeah, to take any more time since then hey keep.
Keep Hey you're doing great, right, you haven't took many steps, you feel what I'm saying. That's how we build losers up.
That's true, and that's how I can be unhealthy too. That's that's what I do. See that like in a in a grand scheme of things. But when I think within is we can switch loser by doing things that are not foolish or whatever the case, you know, pushing a negative agenda or whatever in whatever way. I think that's what we should all work on within our personal lives.
You're wrong, I say loser because that's what I want to say. But like I like, you know, that's clearly nicer ways.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, like there's you know, down but like I think it.
Does where if somebody doesn't put themselves pay.
To move forward and get past something something else category right, But there is a way that you said. But I think for me is I get exhausted with that because it's like.
Let's go, I mean, say what you got to say? You know, I kind of like income here, Yeah.
Because you're.
You're goofy, like you're goofballpe.
What's one moment where you chose yourself instead of choosing.
Validation A moment I chose me instead of validation. Oh child, all of the times. And this is not even trying to be like launcher or anything, but bless the Lord. I've been abstaining from sexual relations for almost two years, and you know, we thank God for that because that's
been you know, it's been a journey, hallelujah. But I've been in situations with young men where you know, it could go there, and I've had to choose myself and what I know I need to be doing in that moment by saying no, I'm ubstaining and I'm waiting for my person to find me, and then that's when it will happen. So yeah, I've actually had to do that a lot more in recent years than I probably will want to. But you know it's since it happens often.
Strength, we thank God, Thank you Jesus, I shot up.
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure there are a lot of other situations as well, but like that.
That's a strong win. Though I'm laughing, but like, that's a strong one.
It's a lot.
It can be a nights.
Yeah, it give me a lot. And honestly, ladies, one of the ways that you can do that is by setting your boundaries and really sticking to them. And you might need supernatural help for that.
Yeah, like some sleeping bills.
No, like Jesus fasting prayer the Bible as well, because that communion.
You can't be horning if you sleep oil.
Oil, Yes, the anointing oil.
Annoyed yourself, you see, you choose yourself.
I think want to start to doing tuck.
I you know, I talked myself out of it million times, like doing podcasts like doing the whole media thing.
I should have been doing this for years, but I always thought about, like what people think? What if people don't like it? Like in college radio.
Show, we had a radio show for class okay, and I was like I.
Still have like, let's I still have them on freaking CDs. Wow, anybody that was born in two thousand or what people used to play stuff?
Yeah, before it's streaming and MP three even you don't even know what M three is probably.
But we used to have a radio show. I used to love it. Like the homework assignment was to do the show. Fun it was we had like it was like a tower we get the radio.
It was like, oh man, it was decked out, and like if I would have kept it from there and kept going, God makes no mistakes, but.
Like more.
Like more confidence in that where like I could like space wise, where I'd understand like you see today today.
The freaking mics were like like look at the Discovery and Mica.
I would have been discovered mic stuff yeah and understand like you know, But like I said, God makes no mistakes.
It doesn't and we're gonna, you know.
Just keep going.
I still think it's gonna be the best spot.
Absolutely yes, and there's a certain level of growth that we have to undergo sometimes when we take those steps away from the things that we're doing, like it it never goes away, but sometimes we're actually not where we need to be mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually to sustain the the thing that we're going after. So it's all good. It was just a seed that was plannet now and back then and now it's growing and blossoming. So it's a kay.
Absolutely, that's a fine question.
Oh wow, Hi.
Already hear algy companies start building internal validation when you've relied or on external praise.
For so long.
And I've said it a few times, y'all already know what I'm gonna say. I truly think that it has everything to do with your connection to the divine source and understanding what it says about you and who you are.
Once you know that, everything else around you will either the things that are not validating to you will either fall off or you will attract those things that validate you just because you're doing what you need to be doing, and people when they are good people around you that want to praise you for doing good, you know, and then I also really think we have to do a lot more. We need to do a lot more introspection as people. We need to sit with ourselves a lot more.
We need to uncover our traumas and the things that trigger us, because sometimes people are validating us, but because we're not able to see that, or because we've been in this loop for so long of not being validated, we're not able to either receive it or we can't recognize it. And so you know, that might take some level of more journaling, more scripting, more reading different books like self help books that could help you get out
of certain loops. I know there's one called mind hacking that helps you reprogram your thought loops, which I would highly suggest because I know when I was in a space where all I could do was compare and people's validation mattered a lot. That was a book that helped me literally just like reprogram the thoughts that I'm constantly thinking about myself. And when we see ourselves differently, then it shifts our perspective of the world and then it allows us to, you know, view how the others are
seeing us in a more positive light. So that's what I would say, Yeah, Okay, your.
Answer is very positive. Some minds are it's gonna be negative.
Okay, Okay, I told you I'm optimist, and I say this, and I've said this all the time, and I might not feel exactly the same about what I'm about to say now today, mindset thirty years old.
But I think you kind of realize everybody hates you.
That's what I realized, and I hate you.
Okay, it's a little dramatic, but listen, you got to realize. And I think people just kind of, you know, they soften this version.
Of like what I'm saying, Like people be like, oh, you know, everybody has a life or da da da. So basically you don't nobody cares. That's how I take it. Nobody mean ultimately it really cares. Nobody cares unless you're dating them. It's the the the twenty twenty sixth version of it. To be honest, that's what it is. Just like just knowing any you know, don't put anything, what is it? Let me let me, let me go back
to that questioning city. I don't hurt no right, so to build internal validation, there's no like just know when you're down, nobody cares. Nobody. Nobody gives it damn easily. Nobody cares.
So somebody might care a little bit.
Jesus cares for sure.
We're in the world, right, Jesus always cares, and you should always always with you.
But I think not, but like period, right right, yeah, but.
When you thinking about that internal stuff for you, and I think it's helped me. I realized, like, dang, don't make care. That's true. Nobody cares, nobody cares.
And since I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have a wife, apparently those are the people are supposed to care.
Those are the only people are supposed to care. Twenty six Like before, like the whole thing was nobody cares, nobody's coming to save you.
And that's why people start ended up being in relationships that they're not supposed to be because you're supposed to You're supposed.
To care for me because we're dating, we're together or something that. So with that.
That's how it stat. Okay, So I'm like, all right, So I started separating myself, started to doing own thing, you know, allowing people to like miss you. One of the forty laws.
You know, allow your your your not separation, disappearance one of them.
But almost like scarcely of your presence, right right, So.
Be like, oh dang, where JO at? And I still don't think you might give the damn money if I go to figure out where you at, but you gotta.
Yeah, So once I put that online, like I don't care. People might care if you're go where you're at, but like if you're down, they don't care anymore. So that mindset, that's what really helped me. That helped me out a lot, because you know, be relying on external praise or something like that, that doesn't mean anything if if or not, Like if a lot of great things aren't happening, if you're not being celebrated, if you're not congratulations, don't nobody care.
Yeah you were like, oh shoot, you're you good? Okay? Cool? Yeah, Yeah, gotta remember that. Don't care unless you date them is extremely important.
Yeah, extremely important, because that's these days.
Nobody wants to do the internal work. Nobody wants to themselves.
I think marry more than a day because sometimes people with dating is that's a whole other conversation.
But even even married people get married for fun. Yeah, they starting to get a little scary too.
Another conversation for another.
Day, all these all these things, they all go together.
Don't nobody care unless you're with them romantically. That's it.
Yeah, Well, I'm not gonna lie I would say that. But sometimes in friendships there are some friends who really care about you. There are I have a couple of friends who care a lot, and a couple that I care about, and you know, we check in on each other, So there's that.
No, they're not married, they're single.
Yeah, we're single girls girls, and we're starting to build community because we understand that, you know, like, we don't have somebody who is gonna check on us and make sure that we're accountable to our goals and things like that. But we do want to see each other win. So we check in with each other, We make sure that we're good, We pray with each other, you know. So I was gonna say, like, I can't say that no one absolutely cares. Ever for some of us, it is
the truth. But I do think that we should adopt that understanding because when we do, then it it's like we ultimately don't seek the validation because we understand that people are not gonna they're not gonna care to the extent that we desire for them to care anyway. So it's like, just do you and do you to the best of your ability and ensure that God is proud of you. And if the people care, then they do, and if they don't, then it is what it is. I did I think I did agree.
You saying like you don't know how important that single thing was, Like that single thing, Like you're like, oh, yeah, my friends are single.
I don't know one of them really lock in with a dude. Oh oh yeah, really lock in with a dude.
Yeah, I mean we're still going to care for each other.
It's not it's not like they don't like like trash, but like you.
Yeah, your attention ships for sure, for sure.
Really be like you know, that's the truth, and that's it's I mean, like, what, uh, what's that thing people say when people are trying to project It's definitely be projected.
But you know, you know, I'd never be wrong about this a lot. It's it's it's it's bad, it's nasty, but it is, you know, it is what it is in this life. You know, people really love their partner. You're supposed to.
You're supposed to, especially if it's somebody that you're preparing to like do life with. That's where you're that's where your time and energy is gonna go.
So you know, I've seen people lose themselves for these partners, y'all.
That that's why I keep saying, that's another conversation, because you know, I think you lose yourself with a partner when you're with somebody you were never supposed to be with, when you are not properly aligned, you cutting off friends.
Yeah, not taking care of yourself.
Yeah, that's when you've connected to a parasite and this is no longer a symbiotic relationship.
People called out this specific topic down this hill for sure.
Yeah, but I'm you know, I'm viewed, I'm not in the majority, Like I'm not married like that.
So that's why it's I'm on the like viewed as a hater thing.
But like, yeah, but that's also a mindset thing because like again, when you have people that are close to you and you really love them, and they know that you love them and they love you, they should know that if you're sharing something with them that highlights an issue that they're having in their life, they should know that you're coming from a space of like love and I wanna see you do better. I don't want you
to have this. You know the worst thing when people get offended though they don't wanna hear the right thing sometimes. And that's why I say it, like it's a mindset thing. Like me and my girlfriends we tell each other's stuff. We don't wanna hear all the time, Like you don't tell me that, but you right though, you know, But again that's a mindset thing. We have to be open to hearing that. So I then I think it matters
to you. Got to like check the people who are in your circle, because like if you see me going down I'm the type of person that if you see me going downhill and I can't see it and you tell me, I'm going to appreciate you telling me. You know what I'm saying. But some people don't. Some people don't wanna hear that. They're like you think you know everything and blah blah blah blah. And it's like, friend, I just wanna help you, but if you don't want
my health, that's fine. I'll go by my business. I let you know, i'm'a pray for you.
How many of y'ays.
All my girls are single? Right now?
How many of y'all?
Well, I'm saying my tribe because we're not all in like a group together. My closest friend, my cousin, she's single. Another friend I went to college with, she's single. Another when I went to high school, which she's single. There's four of us those I would say, those are my closest girlfriends all right.
Right now?
Yeah, I'm Galleria. It's not gonna be like that, I'm telling you because all of us have the conversations about community. Again, we don't talk every single day, and we're not like, you know, all upon each other all the time, but not every what's what's not every day?
Because I think because I get, you know, people beyond the other time, You're like, Joe, you want to talk every single day.
I'm like, nah, you know, if like a quarter can go of the year, I'm like, damn well, I mean especially.
Because we probably check in with each other at least one so week or every two weeks something like that.
That's too much for a lot of people.
Yeah, it could be, and sometimes it can be only a month, like I might not see my friends, like my friend I'm going to her birthday next week in New York. But I haven't seen her in at least six months, but we still are very close, so we check in with each other.
You haven't seen it since New York.
Yeah, And we were just on the phone the other yesterday literally for like two hours, just talking about stuff because men are starting to approachest and they want to start marrying us.
And things like that.
For marriage, right, yeah, so all right, real and like, and we're starting to understand like we're about to build community in different spaces, but we want we don't want to break the friendship that we've had over the years because we're moving and starting to be with a man who's coming into our life or preparing to be mothers
and things like that. So we're actively having those conversations, like how can I contain a foster community with you so that it doesn't feel like we'll never see each other again or we never care you know what I'm saying. So that's an active conversation we're having. But everybody's not like that.
So I think, Okay, so based on you having the conversation beforehand, there's a chance. Yeah, because I think a lot of the time I think for me and like my people's I never thought it be this way, Yeah, but I think up here. Yeah, So I think that's you know, it's cool to feel the open like form of conversation.
Yeah.
Beforehand were like, hey, don't get weird when you get a dude, or don't get weird.
Yeah.
Sure, weird though for.
Sure, because I have friends, Like when I was at FSU, there was a group of us. There were ten of us, and we were all like we called our telf future takeover Wow, and today real talk. I don't talk to any of them for real, like I might hit them up here and there. One's married, her and I don't talk at all.
Which married?
Yeah, you know which is That's what I'm saying. I'm like, one's married, Well, two of them are married. Actually her and I have been trying to get together, but she, I mean, she's having baby after baby, which I understand, and that takes a lot of time. I can't imagine what it is like to be a mother of three and a wife as a you know, a twenty nine year old right now, Like that's a lot in twenty twenty six, Like hello, and again, this is not I'm not mad at them.
I just understand, and so a lot of people.
Yeah, yeah, there's no there's no problems. It's just yeah, exactly.
If you were to break up or the orse you're gonna want to be my friend, then yeah, a nice little last option.
Now, uh yeah, you just need more people who genuinely care about community. Now, Like I will say this, like I even had to go through a point where I learned like every relationship that I had with a male was not going to end up in a relationship like that. I could foster genuine platonic relationships with men because we're either doing things like this, working and creating together, or somehow maybe we're in ministry or whatever the case. But at some point that men might get married and I
will be married as well. But because we formed a good enough relationship that is, you know, on a clear foundation, then we'll probably be within community with each other, you know. And I think that's something you have to lead with, Like you have to know that you're moving that way, and people don't be knowing that. People don't be knowing.
That, you know. I think you know, there's there's different rules set in the place now you let you you have to have these weird conversations you kind of do.
Yatta be clear, you gotta be straightforward.
I just don't know, I know who, I don't know. I don't know. It's a whole nother thing.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, we got into community and all the things.
But yeah, let's tap into my favorite part. Yeah, top five top five? So do you listen to podcasts? You know?
I do, but most of the time I'm watching them like on YouTube regardless.
You yeah, all right, so I probably did this one already, but you went around for this one. Top five podcasts.
That you listen to. Let's see my list is did some moves, I think, Yeah.
My my list says jumped around my favorites alright, particular order.
So I love TV. I wanna be on TV one day.
Because I'm gonna be on TV one day period.
And I like to watch those uh rewatch uh rewatch podcasts. So one of the rewatch podcasts, and my honorable mention is, and that's what you really missed rewatch It's.
A Glee rewatch podcast.
Okay, I just watched Glee for the first time.
I thought I was it was gonna be corny. That's why I didn't watch it in high school Glee.
I've never seen that either.
Oh Glee, you gotta watch watch great show number five? Another rewatch the mess Around.
Okay, that's a new Girl rewatch.
You ever watch a New Girl? Also, gotta watch New Girl. New Girl is a great show. It's like a like a Friends without a last track.
I like New Girl number four. This is kind of like a rewatch a little bit, but.
The crew hasn't it's with the boys from Powerik that you watch power Oh yeah they have one, Yeah, Tarik and Braden.
I didn't know they had. I have seen that, I just haven't watched it before. It's good.
It's really good. Okay, yeah, they're really good. They just got their before. I think when they first started they were doing it with people who were on the show, and now they're like branching out. Like the other day they have Fiddy.
Wap on there.
Okay, so cool.
I like that one. That changed me a lot. Only three Poor Minds.
I started watching Poor Mines initially because I think Lexpi is amazing looking.
Oh okay, okay, it's pretty Uh, it's pretty good. Okay, she's great.
I started watching that because I thought she looked good and I'm like Dan's Girl funny Man.
Ray, they're both funny. So it's hilarious.
Us the name of this one, poor Minds, I don't know, really, I don't know podcast.
I'm not gonna lie to you. Oh man, oh Man, Poor Minds.
Yeah, you know, sometimes they get in on you know, we hate man culture, and it's not really my favorite part of the show.
But they're hilarious. So they're like you ever heard of any five South? Yeah, they're like my sister shows with that Okay, they're under that umbrella. Ok yeah, So let's sho number two. Have you ever watched Sisters?
Yeah?
Yeah, Elis After Ever After?
Okay, so Zach and his wife Okay, yeah.
They have a show. Yeah. I used to be called that ass.
Okay, okay, okay, love that show. Okay, I've never watched theirs. I know exactly.
They're really good. You know, it's a character.
His wife is literally a character too. I think that expresses a lot to the War Sisters is coming back.
War Sisters.
Shout out to Devellkadeen Elishy number one podcast, You've seen it on the screen.
Joe Budden, Oh yeah, so Joe.
Budden his podcast is I'm very new to it, so I've probably been listening for like the last two months.
That podcast is so funny.
I've never said and watched Obviously, I'm not a podcast to watch it like that. I have a few, but I've never.
Yeah, I've never watched any of these. I've never watched any.
Of these, but Phenomena, Yes, I do so no particular order, but I love of Earned Your Leisure. Yeah. Yeah, they're always talking about money and all this stuff with Troy and Rashad and then hardly initiated. I actually went to school with one of the guys, ty Sean and Ryan. They're I do that's because I am a fire person and so I'm just really excited to see what the Lord does with my life.
Yeah.
Sometimes he gives me visions and I'm like, oh sugar, honey, iced teve Vlarious.
Alright, alright, let's get.
Prepared mss Mama's. I just started watching Aspire with Emma Gree, which is really really good. She interviews some like really prominent people, so that one's really good. I also really like off the Record with this one girl. I just heard that one for the first time. I think that's like four and I love I can't even Oh my gosh, I love I gotta put both of them together. I love Myron Golden and Anthony O'Neill. Both of them are
really good. Myron Golden is always talking about He's always talking about just like Kingdom principles and how to basically become a super super wealthy.
And then.
What's his name Anthony O'Neill is always giving us different financial advice. So I really love podcasts about money and like, you know, getting his bread stuff like that and definite. Yeah, it's just the stuff I've been listening to. I really like that kind of stuff.
Black Effect is pulling up.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Here is Crystal right right, Crystal, keep it positive sweet, Okay, Yeah, she's pretty cool. She was there last year. I was just.
Yeah, I love that. Yes, you can.
Picture podcast when you go there too, So oh yeah, I'm gonna do it again. And I did it last year.
Absolutely.
I never heard of that woman who won, but it's fine.
Okay, it's just her season.
Chad sounds good, right, sounds good.
The group for the good of the group. Drink your water, exercise, eating the calorie devastafe. You need to cut, pray every day without ceasing. Do it going fast. If you feel the spirit of the Lord calling you to one, put that plate down and pick up your word. Uh what else? Be kind compliment somebody, receive a compliment from someone.
Yeah, thank you for joining us on this week episode of Catch This Fade.
If you wanna follow us on the Instagram, follow us at Catch This Fade Podcast.
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Alright, ladies and gentlemen, And remember when you're gonna be late to something, just call ahead of time.
Maybe maybe bring them some food else you geez sung, have a good night.