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One mayor and one woman joined forces to rid the world. What are you doing of inequality and fascism? Seriously, I'm trying. I'm trying to do a promo here for who What are you doing? Welcome to the Othering Podcast with my Candori.
Hello, Hello, I'm good. How are you doing good?
All right?
Today we are talking to Liz Douglas. Liz is a marathon runner, activist, women's health advocate, and single queer mom. Professionally, she has been an entrepreneur and worked with many and emerging tech startups and global businesses. She has had to navigate the challenges of living with endometriosis, adenimosis, fibroids, hypermobility, CPTSD, and anxiety, all while balancing these aspects of her identity.
Liz likes to create content on her invisible illnesses, usually while training for marathons using her platform for disability awareness. Raising money for charities as her passion, and she most recently ran the Brighton Marathon for Cancer Research UK and we'll run the twenty twenty six London Marathon for Since UK, which is a charity that helps people with disabilities of any age. Welcome, Liz, that's great to have you, so.
Great to have you, and we are thrilled to talk to you. Like, that's amazing. Your accomplishments are really amazing.
And if it's.
Okay with you, I'm proud of you because, like you know, that is really amazing accomplishments. And I don't mean to come off as like, you know, silly or something, but it's just genuinely like easy what you've done, and especially the running part, because I running is not my forte it would.
It would not work for me.
How did you find running to be you know, your center.
You know. I think I've always been very very active, and I've always used exercise and movement as a way to connect, you know, the mind and the body. And especially after a pretty traumatic event where I just felt very very disconnected from my mind and body, I started with dance and dancing publicly and doing performances, and then I was in Cappawetta for a little bit got kicked in the face too much, so I was like, okay,
done with that. I need to I was encouraged by actually some of the people that I was doing Capeta with to start running with them, and that began my running journey. I also found it as a as a good way to feel that I actually had control over my body, which was I felt like I had no control over my own body when I was pregnant with my kiddo, and the only time that I felt a piece and that I had control over my body was when I was running. And it was also like good
for pain management for me. At that time, I didn't really understand why because the doctors weren't giving me reasons why. But when I finally flash forwards, like last year when I was diagnosed with endometriosis I was describing to her. I was like, yeah, sometimes the only thing that takes the pain away is when I go out for a run. She goes, oh, yeah, yeah, classic endometriosis like sense of
that actually does help with the pain. So that was a very long journey to you to understand why running and movement was actually really beneficial for.
Me, especially because at those times you want to curl up into a ball and you know, like put rocks in your stomach or anything to kind of stop the pain, and it seems like, you know, any type of movement would be like the wrong thing to ever do. I don't think I had endometriosis, but I have severely painful periods.
And the times that I couldn't do anything because I was in school were worse than when I was riding a horse, Like I could deal with it when I was riding horses because you're so focused, for one thing, on you know, not dying, because the horse could you know, fling you anytime. And also the physicality of it just constantly moving and you know, moving around your body, you can't focus very well.
On the pain.
It's not to say that that's a cure all or anything. But it does make a difference.
Absolutely it does. And there have been times where I haven't been able to do it actually because with the inflammation from the endometriosis, what's happening with me, how it presents and me and other people that may have this condition, is that I will get nerve pain that extends all the way down my right leg, and that is what would send me to my bed, curled up in a ball and I could not walk, I could not definitely could not run, and I would just be there for
a day or two. And so that that scenario has happened to me too, and I'm still navigating that that nerve pain, but it is less severe after the surgery happens. But you're right, you're the focus is also a good point to point out, like when you are when you have that goal in mind with that movement, I think it does. It can, just yes, And I.
Would imagine that helps a lot with the mental health as well. I know for me when I'm in bad depression and stuff, if I go do something and I'm busy and distracted makes a big difference. I'm sure running is a great way to get your mind off of things and to focus and makes a big difference.
There, huge difference, huge difference. It makes a difference in my nude. In fact, I think even my kiddo notices that. He's like, Mommy, you need to go for a wrong.
Yeah, it's really bad when your kid's like, here's your keys, you.
Know, run and I'll see you in like thirty minutes to an hour.
Yes, And that distraction I think, you know, it comes at a great not comes it is a great point because there are so many things like for like I said, for me, you know, riding horses was a great distraction, and shooting guns, which sounds weird, but that whole process of having to completely blank your mind because you're you have to focus so much on what you're doing so that you don't, you know, in your case, trip and hurt yourself and you know you got to kind of
keep your form and all of that just kind of also helps with the brain because you can't have those intrusive thoughts because it's dangerous.
So I have a random question about running, not so much related to the chronic illness behind it. How long did it take you from starting to enjoying running to be able to get up to marathons. Oh goodness, that seems like a huge accomplishment.
It is, and you know, I run them and buy mile twenty I'm like, why did I do this? And by the end of it then I'm like, Okay, I'll do it again. But I often tell people, I'm like, a marathon is just six miles too long for me. Yeah, which means that I'll never be an ultra marathon. Twenty six is good good enough. I think it took. It took a few years to where I, you know, I was doing half marathons with my friends and then I said, you know, I really really want to challenge myself and
and do this marathon. And what happened was I ended up training for the marathon while I was pregnant. Wow, because it was it wasn't supposed to be time that way, but it was so and and because of that that training and that focus, Like once I did that marathon, and it wasn't a beautiful place too. It was in Bermuda, so like.
You can't oh wow, okay, yeah.
So you know that one, that one I really really enjoyed. It was like something that I also, you know, was able to share with my kiddo. He was. He was running the marathons with me, so that was enjoyable as well.
You always enjoyed running and exercises. And I mean you said you were doing dance. Is that something you've enjoyed since you were a kid.
No, well, I was like a late bloomer, so I didn't do any sports and in high school or younger, but when I got to college I did. I did start running too.
If you don't mind me asking again, you know, we can edit this out if you'd like. But I was just wondering, how have you been able to take care of yourself? Because you're a single mother and most of the people that we've gotten to talk to usually have a significant other or a partner type of thing that's there to help when things get bad. How have you handled being single and you know, dealing with your different diagnoses.
Yes, so I have a lot of responses to that. So let me keep it with these different different illnesses. First off, I have a really lovely chosen family, both near and far. Like I said, there's there's some in the UK, there's some here that are really willing to step in or even if I just need to call them on the phone and that's the support that I need is just to talk with somebody that day. I feel very very lucky to have the support network that
I do. So, and I've also I stayed off to social media for a really long time, a really long time working in the tech industry. I'm a bit suspect of it.
Yeah, I understand.
But I got on onto Instagram finally because I did feel that I had a few friends that kind of knew about these different illnesses, but not a huge community where I could go and I could talk to. So I feel very blessed for the people that I've met through that. So not all social media is bad. You can have a very lovely community in the chronic on this space, and so I feel very fortunate to have met They happen to be all women, so all women that are in this space, and we share our stories.
We help each other out, like having this symptom today, can you help me or suggest something, or even helping them navigate the US healthcare system, which is absolutely insane. Yeah, and trying to help with like even just getting on disability or medical It's just crazy, it is.
I just recently learned how before nineteen seventy three It used to be that all of our insurance companies were nonprofits, so they had to, you know, work for us, and it was Nixon that decided, you know what, let's change that anyway. Yeah, and here we are.
So many problems begun with them. Yes, yes they do.
And I'm glad that you mentioned those things because community is a huge thing, especially for even if you're married, even if you have that other person, it's really great to have that community because for me, you have You guys are like the most welcoming people I have ever met. And I thank you all so much because not only are you like welcoming, but you're like individually wonderful and
it's nice. It again, it sucks that we have to be in pain or disabled in such in order to find each other, but I think that at the same time, that makes it more beautiful because then we have that camaraderie that can't be taken absolutely.
Yes, it's it is beautiful and it is Yeah, nobody can take us that away from us, like not our the toxic people in our life. Yes, the toxic some of the toxic things that we're experiencing just on a day to day political and environment and all these things. But when we have these points of connection, like deep connection, I feel like, Okay, the world isn't so bad.
And that's the other thing is that I think, at least for me, being able to meet the people that I've gotten to meet so far has shown me that, yeah, everybody is and trumps you know, because the media, especially social media in news and everything just kind of pushes their narratives. So you kind of get this feeling of everybody's like that, oh my god, there is no hope.
Oh my god, they're awful.
I have I have not.
Even don't bother.
And so you get this feeling of they're just horrible people everywhere and there's nobody good. And when I started, you know, meeting everybody in both the LGBTQ and disabled communities, it was just like, oh my god, there are these are my people. These are really good people. They're sweet, they're smart, they're you know, they're wonderful, and they're actually
happy too. And it's just and I don't mean happy in a flippant way, but happy as in you all have found your meanings and you're able to not only enjoy your own meaning but help other people find it too, and you know, that's a huge thing that a lot of people can't do unfortunately unfortunately.
Yeah, if I can help another person, like even if it's just one person, I feel very very fortunate and very honored to be able to help that other person.
So, going from getting on social media finding that community, to your advocacy that you do online, what did that process kind of look like? Were you going into social media with that intention or did that grow later as you realized these people are awesome?
I think it was how I'd like to I'd like to see what's out there in terms of the endometia criosis community where I mean, but it is, it is shocking to me how how little is known. Like I didn't even know what I no myosis was until I was diagnosed with it. I'm like, what, I don't know what, Like,
I've never heard of this. Why haven't anybody anybody in the nearly thirty pleasure years I've suffered with this ever mentioned They were just like, Oh, you're bleeding for months on and that sucks for you, doesn't it.
Yeah, that's what's the only only explanation that I would get.
So I was like, maybe maybe there's like some other people out here, and I just I didn't. I didn't realize that when I got on in January earlier this year that I'd end up doing a five ka for fibroids as I was training and you know, doing the research to be every day to be able to like talk on this particular topic on that five kDa for
fibroids or excuse me. I did a five kDa for fivebrids in July, and then five kDa for endometriosis in March, which is Endometriosis Awareness Month, and then Android's Awareness Month is in July. So I did the Fibroids Awareness Month in support of the Fibroids Foundation, which is a wonderful organization.
I should mention them too, because this organization helped me during when I first found out about my diagnosis, and even you know, Terry, she sent me a text like I hope your operation, Hope the surgery went well, you know, Like so just having that support, I was like, as soon as I'm able to, I'm going to help y'all with the five kday for Fibroids to raise money for them back in July. And I had no idea that
that's where my journey would take me. But I was like, yeah, I really I really love being if I have the power to do this, I really want to be able to do this as long as I can do it, as like even up tell my nineties, you could.
I mean, there was a woman who was eighty eight who recently started, you know, weightlifting, So if she can do it, yeah, I'm sure you can run into your nineties.
So I've got the million dollar question. They always say when you have bad periods and a lot of pain, just have a baby. That'll help. So when you had a baby, did that help? I figured I figured out put it out there for everyone to know.
Yeah, thank you for bringing that up, because that is such a huge myth, just just have a baby. And I found out about my fibroids when I was pregnant with my son and I had ultrasounds in the past. I didn't have fibroids before having being pregnant, and it was so much dismissed. It was dismissed as, oh, this happens to every woman when they're like because of the hormones when you're pregnant, like, don't don't worry about it,
Like it'll be fine. Yeah, And they absolutely were something to worry about, and they got they they got worse over time, and I got the sell me coastal vibroids, which are just those are the ones that probably made me believe I was bleeding for months on. But yeah, the whole pregnancy mess absolutely like garbage.
Yeah, and that and he knows that too, because it didn't help me with my pain at all. Like it took until my third kid. And it's not to say everybody have three kids, but it it wasn't until my third child that I finally got some relief.
I think it was that I had to have like after the third kid and a now UD And as wonderful as how u d's are, they're not for everybody.
Everybody, that's correct, and it's yeah.
It was awesome, But that's the thing that I don't understand is why are we prescribing pregnancy to everybody?
Yeah, and it's also I feel like it's rooted in a very heteronormative approach and you see it in things like that, like little microaggressions like just get pregnant, or even my post surgery instructions where don't have don't put anything in your vagina or have sex because it assumed. I was like, that's in the same sentence, and because I like to pick apart, like I bet you this was written by man. Yeah, I bet you like that
implies penetrative sex. There can be sex of all types, right, right, And I felt very offended by seeing that in my post operative instructions, even though I know it's just like krinted, They're not tailoring it to anybody, and it wasn't directed at me, but like, but at.
The same time, it was yeah, and even you know those words, you know, we have to choose carefully because there are men that suffer from endometriosis. That's correct, cis tendered. Men that suffer from endometriosis. Are you gonna say after their surgery, don't have penetrated you know, don't put anything in your vagina heights? I mean, so you have We can't always just relate to not relate, but just use the general, you know, wording, because it doesn't fit everybody.
It doesn't fit anybody everybody, and like it's and I got my surgery done at a very progressive, like very queer friendly place. I got it done at Stanford and and so they it is. I don't know how it is in areas where you don't like have have a hospital like that that is queer friendly, and even a queer friendly hospital is putting out those kinds of instructions and guidance, and yeah, like, how how much worse is it in other places.
Where honestly I shudder to think at how awful it is, and especially like conservative areas, because you know, you can be conservative, you can be progressive and all that stuff. But the problem is when you take someone else's humanity and say it's not right, when you know, you take somebody else's feelings and thoughts and say, well, because you don't think like me, you're worthless. And that's the problem that I have. And you know them saying well, don't
stick anything in your vagina. The vagina I always keep. My Southern accent makes me say virgina, and it's it is offensive. Why can't you just say epstein, you know, use more inclusive language.
That would be an amazing change to make. And words do matter, absolutely, Yes, I don't have an answer as to why they haven't done it yet, but I you know, we have so many decades upon decades of discrimination within the medical the medical industry. I was going to call it the medical field, but the industry, it is kind of.
Like an industry. And it's a shame because, like you know, it wasn't until nineteen ninety three when they finally started including a FABS in medical studies. They still haven't tested you know, certain drugs and things like that on a FABS, and so you have no clue how it's going to work. Necessarily, it's a toss up and it's a crapshoot and it shouldn't be that way. And you know, I'm sick of people saying, well, you know, I understand that you're in pain, but.
You're a girl.
It's okay, Yeah, No, it's not under no circumstances. Should anybody be used to pain.
Under no circumstances. Should it be that way? Absolutely not. And you can get that kind of mentality from very surprising places. I even got it from my mother growing up, because these painful periods, the debilitating nature of it, just like, oh, you're just trying to get out of school, and I was like, no, I'm not, absolutely not. I'd rather be in school, but I can't, can't. And her credit, she
did come and take care of me after my surgery. Least, when she recalled, she's like, yeah, you have the hardest time with your periods growing up. I was like, I had to bite my phone. I looked up at credit.
My mom had issues with her periods, and so when I came up having issues with mine, she was she already knew this isn't normal, but you know, science hasn't caught up with it yet, so you know, she would let me stay home on the days that it would start, and a lot of times she would try and get me out of school sometimes because she understood it how
awful that pain is. Where you just I mean, I sat in class one time and just banged my head on my desk because it got that horrible and I couldn't leave early to take anything, and that constant banging still didn't even help, and I was hitting it hard. I mean I ended up with, like, you know, a nice bruise. And the fact that nobody thought anything of that even back then.
Oh yeah, nobody. Nobody thinks of it. And I also feel like there's a gap in education within the school setting the school environment, because they're just again talking about sex through a heteronormative ones, especially where I grew up up, which was very rural, but even in the area where I live in now, which is more progressive, I you know, offered to say, hey, like, the Endometriosis Foundation has a has a great program where you can go and like
use their resources and go and volunteer and talk about this, and I was like, yeah, you know, people like it doesn't matter what their gender needs to be educated about this because it's so important for them to understand what is going on with with people that do have periods and and how this can affect their school and that it's a total body disease. It's not it is not just just stop the period, but it's total body and they were actually really receptive to it. But I wasn't
a health professional, which I get. I understand why, Like you have to have credentials, which is good, but it also is a barrier to entry. When you have volunteers that want to go and do this in their own communities and.
Help, I think a little bit of both. You know, somebody to come with you and you know, give the medical aspect of it in medical terms and things like that, and then somebody who has actually dealt with it to kind of give guidance on Okay, this is what you need to look for absolutely, because you know so many I understand the pain of the period, but I don't understand what to look for for, you know, a dentomiosis or endometriosis, and so you know, even if I was
a medical doctor, I couldn't explain to students what to look for to say to their doctor, look, this is going on.
I need you to check right. Yeah, there's and how those conditions can overlap too. Yeah. I had I had a friend reach out to me actually this morning and asked me, Hey, how do you distinguish and how are you diagnosed from indo and a dento? And I said, I can't distinguish between both except for one thing is that I had a bulky uterus before my surgery, and that is definitely on the a dentomiosis side. So my uterus was, like I think it was between two to
three times larger than what it should be. After I had one of the many procedures that was part of the surgery that I had, the use radio frequency ablation on my u is seven times at seven different sides, and that helps shrink. Now now my uterus is no longer classified as a bulky uterus. So that's that's the only thing that I can tell you that like, that was definitely this one thing that is that is leading to it.
Yeah, and that's scary too, because like I had, they don't know for sure it was either a bicornt uterus.
Oh yes, or I just.
Have the lining hanging down and they're like, but you'll be fine. It's like, but that's just not normal, is it? No, not really, but you'll be okay, And it's just like, are you serious.
I have a couple questions. The first one you might have answered this, and I'm sorry if you did. When did you finally get the diagnosis of the endometriosis?
Finally? It's took Like I said, this started all when I was twelve. When I was when I had my first period, So it took thirty two years to get the diagnosis. So I got a last last year, last July, and you had.
The surgery pretty soon.
Thereafter I did. I was fortunate to be able to get it.
Did that help? Do you feel a big difference?
So?
Yes and no, because I know they're not always that successful, I.
Guess, so yes, and I no longer have periods, thank goodness, And that is the large part due to the iev that they put back in after they went in and did their multiple procedures that that my care team did and that's amazing, so that that helps with one aspect. I started to get weird pains like muscle spasms within my obliques. Like the recovery time took twice as long as I thought I would and that the doctor thought
it would, so they had to extend my disability. The pain that goes down my leg, which I mentioned earlier, went away and then came back so unfortu that came back at around July. And while I no longer get feared, I can definitely tell when I am supposed to have periods because I get cystic at me when I have my period, So like I'm like, okay, this is when it is, so yeah, that's that's happening now, and that is when my my leg starts to feel very, very painful. Now.
I had a lower back pain that went away after the surgery that hasn't returned, and I thought for the longest time, I'm like, I'm just a stupid runner. I've done something again, Like I need to go see a pars like I pulled my it band, I've pulled ligaments, I've done all of this, so I I thought it was just me being a stupid runner and I needed
to warm up more. But actually they found an adhesion on my uteral sychreal ligament and that was the source of that is the suspected source of the lower back pain. So that's gone away. That's great, that's great. Some new pains have presented themselves and then some have come back, and the endometrious has unfortunately came back very very aggressively. So my next talk with my surgeon is in December, and we're going to have a plan that will involve
surgery again an another one. But I mean that that just highlights how like you can do all the right things. You can eat well, exercise well, go get the surgery, and it can still just come back. Because it's just incredible.
Yeah, I mean, there was a study recently I read where they've discovered that newborns and even I possibly in utero babies have endometriosis, yes, and that it's not activated usually until they have their first period, if they're going to have a period, or they hit puberty, whichever, you know, is going to happen for them. And I can't imagine how many people have been in so much pain and
they just thought, well, it's nothing. I you know, I pulled a muscle, or I had a kid, or I didn't you know, have kids, or you know, whatever excuse they kind of come up with, and they're inexcruciating pain, but yet also dismissed by the medical field because they don't fit the quote unquote right criteria for.
It right, or the professionals the carotem that you have in your life has no clue what it is. Yeah, they've actually they went to school, like your primary care provider, your GP, and they went to school and they like maybe have studied into demetriosis for like an hour or less. But I think there's only the last time I read the stat it was almost like less than one hundred endometriosis specialists in the entire United States and in the UK, And so there's a huge gap of information even in
the medical community about what it is. Like there is a big knowledge gap, and like my dream would to be like set up some kind of center to where we don't have a huge knowledge gap, nor do we have like a just a tiny fraction of medical professionals that actually deal with this condition that can be by some estimates, it's it's as common as diabetes, So why
don't we have we have more specialists. But I love that, And also, uh, I know that I've already educated like my mental mental health professionals about this, because there's also papers about how sexual assault and chromatic experiences. Sexual assault rape not only in childhood but later can affect endometriosis, make it worse. And I can tell you from my
personal experience it has. And I was, you know, talking with my E. M. D R therapists and she was like, yeah, you've educated me a lot about about the subject and it all makes sense. But you know, after an event happens. I mean, there's that that book the Body keeps the Score, and that saying is so right. The body does, body does. And even my surgeon was very she said, look, everything that's happened to you, we keep our stress, we keep our trauma in our pelvic floor and it will present.
So yeah, there's there's so much that needs I feel in the education. Yes, because you're right, it absolutely can be there from birth, and then there's other things that can trigger it.
And it shouldn't be on us to have to educate our doctors or or our therapists, because that in itself can be triggering and if we're looking for help and then we still have to tell you, Okay, by the way, this is what it is. And you know that in and of itself just puts extra stress on us.
It can lead to medical burnout. Yeah, I got medical burnout. We'll last month.
But I can understand because it's exhausting. Yeah, I mean, I've gotten to where I've been terrified to see a new pain management doctor because you know, the last ones I saw either said, oh, you don't have anything wrong because you know, your body isn't in a pretzel, but yeah, I know, and the other ones like, oh, she gave me a diagnosis and then wouldn't tell me if the symptoms I was having matched that diagnosis. So and then she kind of tried to go I know, I know.
So it's like, I'm scared to see another pain management doctor and I've had to, like I had to cancel. And if I'm going through that, I can imagine that there's a lot more people that are very terrified because that is also trauma. Having to go through all of that, and then you've got trauma of the actual you know, pain and the procedures to just try and keep it under wrap some sort yeah, family not believing you. All
of those traumas do become a part of us. And even which is why it's necessary, even if you don't feel like you need it, it's necessary to see a therapist because not only of course the right therapist, you know, they just rock, but it helps to recognize those you know, multitude of trauma you know moments, because you have to
release them. And it's either you know, being human, we either release it negatively and end up causing trauma for somebody else, or we could do it the healthier way and you know, spok it not spock mouth will work. At some point, talk to you know, somebody so that you can get that help. Because you're you're right, the body does remember everything, everything, and even if you don't necessarily think you remember, the body.
Does, Yes, it does, and you know, with the medical burnout and it can just exacerbate what the body remembers. And just then you're stuck in this loop like you're trying to get help. You're trying to get healthier. You're trying to feel better, and yet it comes back to how that impacts how all the multitude the multitude of stressors it will. It's undeniable, Like you can't just repress it and bury it.
I mean, even having a kid, as wonderful as it can be if you want kids, that's still a huge stressor on our bodies.
Oh for sure. For sure, Like not being able to get sleep, especially when they're babies, that's a format torture and something it is, so I mean, yeah, that's yeah, as wonderful as they are, it is absolutely stressful, and it's it's stressful in a situation, but you know, all in all different ways and many different types of situations. And I think the best way for me to navigate that with my kiddo is I let him know everything
that's going on. He probably knows more about women's health than a lot of men in their forty and.
That's good because you're raising him to.
Be empathetic empathy. I tell him to like, I'm like, you're going to be a feminist here, and I said, I want you to ask questions. I want you to really know everything about this, and no questions off limits. I mean he's asked me. He's like, Mommy went Tampa. When you put in an hunt, does it hurt?
Like just very.
Curious like that. I was like, no, sweetie, Like, I mean it can for some people, but for me now. And but he knows a lot. And I'll take him to the doctor's appointments with me and like if you have any questions, to ask my doctor too. And and you know, children are can be great healers that way, rude and within that has been especially over this past year.
I mean, he's like, I don't want him to feel an obligation to be my caretaker, but I want him to be educated enough so that you know, he's empowered not'll help.
Yeah, And I'm glad that you say that, because my kids are so sick of me telling them everything. They're like, oh god, mom's going to talk again. To be fair, there, they are teenagers, so they're at that moment of they're at that moment where it's like, oh God, yes we know mom, Okay, Mom, sure whatever. But I tried very hard to if they had a question, I was going
to answer them truthfully. I wasn't gonna sugar sugarcoated. I wasn't gonna, you know, change the wording so that it was, you know, baby sounding.
Yes, that's so critical. Yeah, like it's it's so critical, no baby sounding, like calling body parts by their actual real names. Yes, yea so critical and they're not dirty words, Like no, I don't. I don't like how, you know. I feel like it's twenty twenty five, we should be beyond this. But like he even will tell me, like he'll be at school and they say, like, vagina's a dirty words, like no, it's not.
No, it's a body.
Part, body part of the name for a body part, so you can.
Yeah, it's no worse than an arm.
Right, I'll admit. As a kid, growing up, I did not learn much about women in any way. I didn't know much about it. So having that Dory and having a daughter kind of changed everything I knew. So I've seen or heard more than I ever knew as a kid, and I kind of wish I had known more to help kind of prepare myself. But yeah, it's a lot.
It is a lot.
I'm glad I'm not a female, no offense I'm taking.
I think I wouldn't wish you No, I wouldn't wish that on anybody either.
There's a lot of things that we go through that I think we should be celebrated way more for the fact that we can do those things. And it's not because you know, I'm being you know, ridiculous or silly or anything like that. It's we do all lot of fucking shit with our bodies that men do not rightly.
That's why I don't want to be a female. I don't want to go through that.
Yes, thank you, but it is important for everybody, all sexes, to understand what all of the different things that normal happen and that are abnormal, because all they like for me when I was growing up, they said, well, you're going to grow hair, and you're going to get a period, and you're going to grow boobs, and that was pretty much it.
That's so superficial.
I think.
I see the ways that they teach it in different countries, Like I took my son to the Science Museum in London and want in Amsterdam, and they talk about the body and they have exhibits for it, and they have like really great and they talk about gender and they talk about sexuality and a really age appropriate manner. And this is just like normal everyday stuff for the general
population in these countries. And one of the ones that my son really loved was the one on puberty, and it talked about it and in how it's different phases. It's not just like you wake up one day and then your voice is really deep if you're a dude, or like right, so, and he was fascinated by it. He just watched the video over and over again. He's like, Oh, this is really this is going to happen to me. And I was like, yeah, it's going to happen to me.
And he's like, that's that's crazy. That's also like wild and like like he was excited about it to learn about it. I wish we had things like that.
Yes, I wish we weren't so puritan puritanical about it because I think we miss out on so much beauty by forcing everybody to be in the dark about everything that has to do with our bodies. It's not saying, you know, wag your boobs every which way, but loose. If that's your thing, that's your thing. But and you know, not to say that you have to be a newdict.
You don't have to. But we got to stop treating especially a fed body parts as these dirty, nasty little words and you know, disgusting and because number one, they're just body parts. Yeah, they're different than maybe what some people have. Cool, that's what makes it cool. And we need to learn about them because so many people sit around thinking there's something wrong with them because it doesn't look or doesn't you know, work the same way as
everyone else. Is that they've heard about, right, and that causes so much pain that could be mitigated if they understood, no, it's normal for you and there's nothing wrong with that, absolutely, because you know, just like I didn't know until probably the last twenty years, that boobs come in different shapes and sizes and that if they're not like, you know, super perky, that's normal. And you know, yeah, it's also not normal to fling them over your shoulder either. But
there's those differences though, that aren't taught. So you think, oh my god, my body's ugly. And if we had a more open dialogue about how bodies differ and you know, these are breasts, this is a vagina, just like an arm, these are fingers, or you know, this is a penis, these are his testicles, all of that would make a huge difference and instead of going they said penis or you know, things like that.
That's really right, right, it should just be yeah, to help get away from that. That shame. That's it.
That is what it is. It's it's a horrible.
Shame because if people learn that while they're children. I feel like I actually do think that I'll have to look it up again, but I do think that there was studies about like teaching about these differences and teaching about you know, the queer community when you're young. It makes scure, like with certainty that you have more empathetic understanding adults. But so like of that that education, So it's just it's a win win, like, I mean, there's
lots of reasons why we're doing it. In the particular timeline.
Yeah, it makes sense in this particular timeline why we don't Not that I like it one hundred percent, don't
agree with it, but I understand what they're doing. But in every other timeline, though, we should be embracing that and we should be pushing that, because that's how we end up not only being more informed, but we would understand that, you know, Okay, these pains that I'm feeling in my lower back or in my thighs or whatever it is that you feel there's you can then know that that's not okay and that's not normal and that
you should get it checked. Because we are so ill body parts, we don't understand when something is wrong because we're shamed into thinking, well, it's, you know, my chest, and as a female, I'm not allowed to show my chest and I can't speak about my chest because you know, people are going to think I'm saying, you know, look
my breasts. That type of illogical thinking happens not necessarily, you know, explicitly like that, but just it kind of hits in the back of your head and it shames you, so you don't say anything when you should.
Or that period blood is disgusting and shouldn't be shown like they were using the blue freaking dye and like period blood. That's why I love a big music famm This is a big part of my life. So Princess Nokia on her latest album, she's sitting there and she's like in her underwear and it shows the her period blood and that's on the album Tether, and I'm like, that's fucking great. Yeah, right's normalize it, make it normative.
Yes, and I admit it's hard for me to see that because I was taught you know, ir gross, But I love seeing it at the same time because it shouldn't be egross. It happens, just like you know, we go to the bathroom.
Shit happens.
And you know, people love to have jokes about, you know, their diarrhea or their constipation. Why can't we have jokes about period blood.
Probably because it's associated with women.
Yes, I'm sure that is why, and which is just so annoying misogyny. Yes, and I don't care what people say, you know, if they're misogynists, you can fuck off. It ain't gonna work.
I am.
I am never going to let any woman be talked down to like that.
Can I change gears real quick? When did you it's two parts. When did you come out as queer? And how was that accepted with like your family and friends? Did you have any problems?
Uh? No, it's very anti climactic storia. So I didn't the language to really express how I felt how I love until really recently, and so this must have been about It was twenty nineteen and I saw the word pan sexual, I'm like, whoa wait a minute, what is this? And I started reading up on this, I was like, this is me. Bisexual never felt right for me because I was like, yeah, I don't really look at people that way. It's not an attraction to a certain gender,
it's an attraction to everybody. Like but you know, growing up in the South, there's no like act queer literature or language like that. So having having seen it, and I was like, oh, yeah, that's me. So I'm all excited and I'm like telling my friends and I'm like, we already knew this about you. I was the last one to be able to express this, and so yeah, very anti climactic, very well, we accepted, I guess you could put it that way. They're like, yeah, we already knew.
And I'm glad that my parents and friends, everybody was not one issue.
Good good, Yeah.
And it is.
You know what's funny about that is even though we were forced to read heteronormative books as kids, and you know, teachers talk about their significant other being of the opposite gender and all of that stuff, and yet there's still those of us who come out queer or gay or bisexual and all that stuff. And so the whole Banning books of LGBTQ really does not make any damn sense.
It doesn't make any sense or any difference. Like kids, no, pretty early.
Yes, they know very early when there's when they're different like that, And sometimes it may take you a while to realize that, because it took me forever to oh, yeah, uh kind of thing when I figured it out. But those books don't change us. They don't make us all of a sudden street.
Just like video games don't make people in the murderers.
No, they don't.
If they don't make up they want to go like go to brunch and gave you know, drag brunches. Right, read book like that's just fun to do.
Yeah, yeah, reading about drag queens didn't suddenly make me go, oh, I know, I'm going to dress my sons up as drag queens or I'm going to be a drag queen. There's nothing wrong with being a drag queen at all, and but I'm not going to force my kids into it if that's not who they are, just like we shouldn't force our kids into a heteronormative situation if that's not who they are.
Yeah, exactly, exactly, we need to we need to start wrapping it up.
I'm having so much fun talking about.
It's unfortunate that we have to Sorry, okay, I'm always a bearer of bad news.
It's okay.
So can you tell us how to find you and please, you know, hype whatever you want up and you know, shout it out to the rooftops or you know whatever tops, bra tops could be.
So my Instagram is a Warrior nine thirteen, so that's by for the fibrides and then amiosis and endometriosis, and then nine thirteen was the date of my surgery. It was a Friday at thirteen awes. Yeah, yeah, and so it's been a year over a year since that surgery. But that's how you find me on Instagram, and I also have a link there for the money that i'm raising for since the UK. They're just such an amazing organization that I wish we had something like this in
the US. They recognize that they do help a lot of children, of course with disabilities, but they recognize that you can become disabled at any point of your life. It's not just childhood disabilities. So I love the work that they're doing, so I would also hype them up and check them out. And yeah, so I do have a link in my bio and on my Instagram for
that purpose. And that all the money that I raise for them while i'm you know, raising it to do the London Marathon in twenty twenty six, that all goes to them.
Awesome, and thank you so much because we need more people like you, honestly just being you.
And thank you so much for joining us talking to us today.
Right, Thank you too, Bye bye.
Thank you for listening to The Other End podcast by Mike and Dori. Please like and follow us on all of your favorite social media.
The Othering Podcast is produced by loud Core Productions, graphics by Josh and music by Jeordie James, me Me Meir