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SWM — Sex as Worship: Pornography, Erotica and AI Companions. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. Pornography and erotica have become ubiquitous and socially normalized, and AI “companions” are increasingly marketed as hyper-sexual substitutes. These offer the appeal of intimacy without risk—no rejection, responsibility or vulnerability—yet they train desire away from real people and covenant relationships. God designed intimacy for embodied, vulnerable union within marriage...
SWM 155 - Hookup Culture - When You Take Relationship Out of Sex. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. We live in a world that has learned to separate what God never divided. Hookup culture is the next stage of sex stripped of meaning - where bodies meet, but no one truly connects. I’m continuing this series exploring how, when we remove aspects of God’s intent for sex, we end up with all the examples of sexual immorality we see in our world. Last time, I tackled what removin...
SWM 154 - Sex before marriage - when you remove covenant from intimacy. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. In my last episode, I talked about how sex is an act of worship because having sex, the way God intended, gives worth to Him. It honours what He created by using it as He intended. However, our society is doing its best to invert that by taking away elements of God’s plan so as to distort sex. To make it not something that’s worship and creative, but rather destructive...
SWM 153 - Sex as an act of worship. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. The other night, after my wife and I had sex, we were lying there in that sweaty, happy pile you end up in when the oxytocin kicks in. As I often do, I asked her what she was thinking about. She’ll tell you I probably ask that too often, because I’m endlessly curious about what’s going on in her head. Her answer surprised me. She said, “Sex is an act of worship.” I asked her to explain, and she said, “We...
June - August 2025 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. In this episode, we are tackling the subjects: My wife’s nightclothes are killing my attraction Is using a vibrator wrong? How do I get my husband to initiate sex? Need something to spice up our sex life How does scent factor into spouse selection Recovery after pregnancy Is using classical conditioning on your spouse wrong? How do I keep myself from becoming distant fr...
JD answers anonymous listener questions covering various aspects of married sexuality from a Christian viewpoint. Topics include norms and boundaries around oral sex (e.g., cunnilingus after ejaculation, oral after anal), strategies for couples with differing sex drives, and addressing feelings of disconnect when physical intimacy is low. The discussion also delves into navigating past porn use, exploring BDSM desires, and practical ways to restore excitement and adventure in a long-term sex life, alongside a practical look at ideal childbearing ages.
SWM 150 - Control, sex and marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. Last month, I watched a great video by Gary Thomas and his wife Lisa on how a controlling spirit can harm a marriage. It got me thinking: In Christian circles, we often struggle to define the difference between healthy leadership and damaging control—both in marriage and in our relationship with God. Why is it that surrendering to God is seen as good, but demanding control from a spouse is harmful? The ...
SWM 148 - 14 red flags your marriage is drifting towards divorce, affairs or lifelong unhappiness. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. Have you noticed how quickly disagreements turn into demonization these days? Whether it’s politics, religion, or even marriage, we’ve gotten stuck in a cycle of contempt—where the ‘other side’ isn’t just wrong, they’re evil. And it’s destroying relationships. I see this in my marriage coaching practice all the time: spouses who’ve spent year...
SWM 147 - How do you know if you're sexually compatible? Check out the blog post here for more details and links. The most common argument I hear for premarital sex is, "You need to know if you're sexually compatible before getting married. Otherwise, you might end up stuck in a sexless, unfulfilling relationship." And it sounds like sound reasoning. We test-drive cars before buying them. We have probation periods for people we hire at work. We sample foods before purchasing them. Shouldn't sex,...
SWM 146 - Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage - Shifting from Rules to Relationship. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. In my work as a marriage coach, I often see couples transition from one type of marriage to another. There’s no clear line between these states, no set of rules that definitively places someone in one category or the other. Yet, by observing how they handle conflict, express themselves, and interact in small ways, you can often tell which state their...
Oct, Nov, Dec 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. In this episode, we are tackling the subjects: Talking about a lack of sex Not drive due to cancer treatments Wife doesn't want to use lube Our sex life is routine Strap-on to help with premature ejaculation Do husbands like handjobs? Can a married couple film themselves during sex? Is sex better on a full stomach? How do you start anal sex? Here are the links I mention...
SWM 144 - Why wives have a complicated relationship with sex and what to do about it. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. One of our supporters posted a question in our forum which led to a bit of a discussion on what men perceive as sexy, and it shook the questioner a bit, because it was radically different from what she had been led to believe her whole life. This led into a larger discussion about why women tend to have more hangups about sex than men do. I shared my thou...
August 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. In this episode, we are tackling the subjects: Exhibitionism No sex in 4 months Should I disclose previous porn struggles to fiancee Other resources What qualifies as mutual masturbation Need rougher sex to orgasm Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast: Dealing with differing sex drives in marriage (page) MarriedDance.com (store) RomanticBlessings.com (store - US on...
Agust 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. In this episode, we are tackling the subjects: Wife trades chores for sex How to handle no sex due to birth Water-based lube that doesn’t cause UTIs Guy’s relationships always end in affairs Post-childbirth and penis size preferences Wife is a gatekeeper Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast: Sliquid H20 Lube (product) How does breast or penis size affect sex (surve...
July 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. In this episode, we are tackling the subjects: Wife’s love dependent on mood Why don’t you direct people to God? Can’t seem to manage other positions Wife rejects exploration and being seen Nervous about sex outdoors Crossdressing rehash Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast: Responsive vs Spontaneous Desire - The Lion Within Us (podcast) Your definition of gross cha...
SWM 139 - Why won't my spouse do x? I would do it for them. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. Recently, I’ve noticed a question popping up all over the place. It’s come up in our supporter forum, coaching sessions, emails, comments in our latest survey, and more. This question points to a fundamental tension in many marriages - at the root of it is a self-centric desire. The desire for our spouse to serve our own needs and expectations. Whether it's about sex or more subtl...
SWM 138 - BDSM Survey Results. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. During July and a bit of August, we ran a survey about people’s BDSM experiences. Depending on who you ask, it was either extensive or just dipping our toes into the topic. In the end, we received over 1,000 complete responses from a wide range of couples, some for whom BDSM is part of their daily life, others who were engaging in BDSM activities didn’t think what they were doing qualified, others who wished ...
SWM 137 - Why we don't spank our children. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. Last week, Gary Thomas posted an article on his substack on the topic of discipline vs. punishment—not taking a stance but rather offering it up as a controversial conversation starter. Reading it made me curious about something—does your view of hell change your parenting approach? After all, if God is our example, and you believe that hell is eternal punishment, does that then lend to a more hea...
June 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. In this episode, we are tackling the subjects: Wife thinks she has to be mean to our children Golden showers (again) Wife can’t decide if she loves me or not Just because you’re experienced, doesn’t mean you’re qualified Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast: SWM 029 - Fantasy affairs, anal sex, golden showers, work during sex and low drives BDSM Survey Follow us on ...
SWM 135 - It's good to try new things. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. Most kids, when growing up, enter a picky stage at some point. Some when they’re toddlers, some when they’re young children, some when they become teenagers. When our 3rd or 4th kid entered this phase, everyone knew the response when they didn’t want to eat something new that we’d made. “It’s good to try new things.” They didn’t have to eat it all but had to try it—a decent try, not a touch to the ton...
May 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. In this episode, we are tackling the subjects: How often should a healthy man need sex? Clitoral piercing How do we start talking about sex without hurt feelings? Is it good to masturbate to stay in a sexless marriage Professional nude photos with a male photographer Newly married wife only interested in the same sexual routine Becoming a Christian didn't fix my same-sex attracti...
SWM 133 - Loving your spouse where they are. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. I often give beginner homework to my coaching clients. A few of them will likely read this and think, “He was talking about me.” You’re not wrong, but you’re also not alone. I give it out frequently because it helps combat some fundamental problems I see in many marriages: resentment, unmet expectations, and continued disappointment. Whatever caused the resentment doesn’t matter. If you want to ...
SWM 132 - Breast implants and body image issues. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. This episode I'm answer a question I received back in February that I forgot to answer. Here's the question: Hi! To start, I just wanted to say thank you so much for what you do! Your podcast has been immensely eye-opening and helpful! Now, to my question. I am in my 30s, and my husband and I have been together for 15 years. There was porn use by my husband that nearly tore us apart, but aft...
SWM 131 - Tips to fight more effectively in your marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. Last week, I shared a list of ideas our Couple’s Night group had that helped build a resilient marriage. At the end of the call, we still had some time and started discussing fighting more effectively. Again, the group came up with some excellent ideas I want to share today. Because fights will happen, I might even say they should happen. When I come across a couple that doesn’t fi...
SWM 130 - Building Resiliency in Marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. On the first Tuesday of every month, Chris from TheLionWithin.us and I co-host "Couple's Night." Couples from our communities get together to talk about marriage. We discuss struggles, share ideas, tips, and a lot of funny stories. It's an absolute blast This Tuesday, we got together and talked about resiliency in marriage. There were about six couples in the Zoom call, and I thought they all had ...
April 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. In this episode, we are tackling the subjects: Can Christians be swingers? Chastity devices Sex and orgasm headaches Wife only wants one oral sex position, which he hates Worried about stamina Trying to spice things up Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast: Becoming more sexually engaged (course) System Jo flavoured lube (shop) Our Sexploration List (resource) Our S...
SWM 128 - Marriages require recalibration. Check out the blog post here for more details and links. There’s an old quip about how men get married expecting their wives to stay the same, and women get married expecting to be able to change their men, and neither gets what they want. It’s funny because often, there’s an element of truth to this, which frustrates both spouses. Of course, it doesn’t apply to every marriage, and sometimes the dynamic is reversed, but what is expected of every marriag...
March 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page. Check out the show notes here for more details and links. In this episode, we are tackling the subjects: Why am I not interested in sexy any more after having a baby? How do I get my wife to rest without guilt? Why does my wife dismiss my advice when she asks for it? How do I get my wife engaged in sexual growth? Are men infatuated with their ejaculate? Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast: Where did my sex drive go? Foll...
