¶ Intro / Opening
🎵 Music
¶ Welcome and Guest Introduction
Welcome back to Sex, Sin, and Sensibility, and Happy New Year! Tonight we are getting a little witchy with you and welcoming a very special guest, Priestess Francesca. Ordained Priestess, certified dominatrix. And somatic sexologist. We are going to dig into erotic alchemy and the taboo.
Welcome!
¶ Francesca's Background and Philosophy
Thank you so much. I'm so honored to be here on this show. Longtime fan and now a guest. I'm gonna just try to stop like fangirling for a moment so we can have a conversation.
Oh my god, you are adorable. All right, guys. So you need to know a little bit about this amazing human. From our deepest, most taboo fantasies to the impractical lore of what we're naturally attracted to, Francesca believes that we all have unique sacred needs that draw us forward, initiate us, and nourishes every cell of our body once they're finally met.
Follow her guidance to reclaim your sacred needs, uncover your gifts of your kinky side, open your relationship to more love and bliss, and most importantly, elevate your sexual pleasure and power to its rightful sacred place. Priestess Francesca is an ordained priestess, certified dominatrix, and somatic sexologist, as we said, who works with spiritual.
Seekers on the heat.
Growth and transformation journey. Her revolutionary thought leadership has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Health Magazine, and Grand Central Publishing, as well as many top-ranking podcasts. She is the great tricks of freak school, erotic alchemy, and erotic order. And service to unleashing repressed spiritual reverence for erotic medicine and elevating the highest service of sex work. Yay!
Start your erotic journey today at www.priestessfrancesca.com. From there you will also be able to connect with her via all her socials.
¶ Early Kink and Spiritual Awakening
So very impressive. Where we'd like to start is what started you down your journey of BDSM and sex work.
They're two slightly different paths. But my journey with BDSM started well, I had my first threesome when I was seventeen years old. So I knew I was like
Yeah. Good for you. I applaud you. For the freaky.
Yeah. When I was in college, I started dating this beautiful human being and we began exploring Kink and we didn't really have the honorific of mommy and daddy at that time. But that's what we were doing. We were very much like mommy, daddy. And so in the most vulnerable moments that I was having, like all of my daddy's stuff coming up, he would step into this role of really daddy figuring me in sex and in like where I was crying and being like a little baby girl and
Um, I I yeah, I just didn't have the words for it then. We were also in an open relationship and I had a sexual encounter with A beautiful human being, but that was like really initiatory in like ways that I didn't understand. And that was when I had my first spiritual experience in sex. turned completely white during my orgasm and I lost grasp of what I would consider like reality in that moment.
And when I came back to, I looked over at him, imagining that he would have had the exact same experience as me. Like, did you see that? Did you feel that? Did anything that happen? And he was like, I'm gonna go take a piss now.
Yeah. Wait a minute!
I had no context for anything that was happening.
To me.
And I think that is probably the moment where if in ancient Sumeria or ancient Mesopotamia, someone would have heard this story and said, Oh, this is your journey. You're probably one of the holy priestesses. To do this holy sex work, but we don't live in that society. So I like to say that was probably the moment where spirit said, This is your path. It was a much longer road for the 3D version of me to catch up to that. Um, I was 19 at the time. So fast forward into my mid-20s.
¶ Ethical Kink and Somatic Sexology
I was having multiple sexual partners. I was in the New York City scene. I'm a born and raised Brooklynite, uh New York City native here now living.
Yeah.
Um, in my mid-20s, I'm gallivanting in the underground sex scene. I'm going to these kinky parties, I'm going to orgies, and I'm dating multiple humans at the same time. And what I came to realize is So many people were in these sexual containers with me, just trying to have a good time.
And through the sexual experiences with me, they were starting to get thrown down. I call, you know, thrown down the steps of the underworld. It's like they just got their shit kicked out of them. And so they start tumbling into these really dark night of the souls very shortly after having sex with me. And I went to one of my spiritual teachers and I said, Why is everyone getting really rocked after this? And she looked at me and she said,
Don't like, don't you see? I don't she goes, I don't think I would say anything like this to somebody else, but the common denominator is you. So if this is what you're doing to people in the throes of sexual intimacy, how do you wanna hold that with integrity? And that was the moment where I couldn't unsee that. And it became a real um ethics issue for me. You know, we talk about in the kink world like risk aware consensual kink. And there was a way that no one was really consenting to
very deep energy work in a sexual container with me that we didn't really understand what the outcome was going to be. That conversation was never part of it. So What I shifted into was really saying this is part of the risk profile. And if you want to step into a scene with me, or if you want to step into this space with me.
Yeah.
This is just part of the terrain. I have no idea what depths we're gonna touch into, but I know something deeper than just. the sex or just the kink or just the impact is actually happening. Um, and that scared a lot of people away when I was tr trying to date.
And that's kind of how I transitioned into sex work because there were people who were ready to take these steps, were ready to Surrender into an initiatory container, but that was not who I was supposed to be in personal partnership with. When I think about how I really want to hold the work now.
You didn't ask me around like how I got into this sexologist, but where that really turned my sex work t turned into my somatic sexologist work is because I started to have clients who were so deeply uh traumatized and a lot of their stuff was coming up in the space with me. And the first couple of clients where that was happening, I feel really grateful that I was able to navigate that terrain. But something in me said, you need to go get more tools.
And so really becoming the sexologist was so that I could be much more trauma informed when doing deeply psychological edge placings. and having the capacity to hold someone as they're navigating through. really intense trauma responses sometimes, whether during the scene or after the scene, during the integration phase of it. So the work has really evolved, but it all started with Me just wanting to be an integrity and not do things to people that they really weren't ready to do.
¶ Finding Deep Spiritual Guidance
Yeah. That's intense though.
And and what I hear, what I heard in your story, is an incredible openness to whatever this meant, whatever that whatever was coming from Your sexual encounters from the spiritual connection, you were already open to that. Where did where did that come from?
My own Uh what's the right way to say it? I'm having this visual of me on my knees. In like the most humbled way, right? When life just knocks you across the back of your legs with uh Crowbar and says Neil bit. You know, it you are just humbled by life. So I I was deeply humbled by life. And that's when I looked up.
Like most people, when they're humbled by life, they're crying on the bathroom floor. That was my moment. I was crying on the bathroom bathroom floor, looking up in a real moment of like desperation. I was so desperate. I had no idea what this Initiatory moment was meaning for me, but I knew that I couldn't navigate the world the way that I had been. And that's when I found my high priestess.
I was in my mid-twenties and I was really confused. These spiritual initiations were happening for me. I had no context. I mean, think back to when I said the whole the whole room dissolved into whiteness and the guy sitting next to me was like, I'm gonna take a piss now. That is really confusing for a kid. So when I was praying on my knees, it really was like, please show me. Please show me. And
by divinity's grace, my high priestess came into my life. And I have been under her tutelage for over seven years now. And I say over and over again that she saved my life. Cause I don't think I would have had context for some of the deep things that I was seeing, some of the really dark things that I was seeing and experiencing on a felt subtle energetic sense. And I've told her to her face. I don't know if I would have had the
wherewithal to stay in this three D realm if she hadn't been there to hold the torch for me every once in a while and be like, You're just fine. Everything will be okay.
That's a lot.
Yeah.
That's a lot.
¶ Defining Erotic Alchemy's Fire
Transformative for sure. Can you uh define erotic alchemy and how you are applying this in relationships? virtual development and kink.
Um, so I have a fundamental alignment with the element. Earth, air, water, fire. There's so much spiritual stuff out there that really complicates things, but I keep it really, really simple.
Ha ha ha.
Those four usually answer any question I have. When I think about the way most of the people today are approaching spirituality, it has such a an earth and a water and then sometimes an air element to it. Meaning we like to talk a lot about theories, philosophies, concepts. It's very air to me. We also have a very grounded practice sometimes with yoga or what we eat. We love to work out and get quote unquote get our exercise, right? There's very earth element.
If we're in a meditative practice, perhaps that's water, there's like a smooth, soft transition, there's a flow in that practice. But really what's for me missing in the conversation is this fire element. And so alchemy from a definition is the transformation in a scientific or chemical process where you're turning one thing into another thing. And there's a way with fire that when something goes into the fire, the alchemical fire, it can't go back to the way that it was before. It simply can't.
You've put something in the fire, even for thirty seconds, right? It's never going back. Different from if you have a rock. whose water drips over it and slowly forges and carves out the rock. You can still tell that it's a rock. It's changed, it's transformed, it's forged into something else. But there's a there's still the solidity of that element. Fire isn't like that. Alchemy isn't like that. You can't go back.
And so when I talk about erotic alchemy, I'm talking about the transformative nature of our erotic energy that really turns lead into gold. And when you go into gold, you don't go back to the lead either.
Right. That makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, pa I I hear it as passion. You know, passion as a transformative element and I think that's something that's missing from a lot of spiritual practices. And it's something that's key to yours.
¶ Rejecting Suffering, Embracing Joy
It's huge to mine. And one of the the reasons why I think it's so revolutionary is because in most of these new age spiritual conversations. The glamorization of suffering. has crossed over into that space in really harmful ways. like really harmful ways. So there was a circle that I was in one time and the leader of that space got up and started talking about how discomfort is where the growth is.
And it just Oh, it hurt me on such a level because that kind of broad brush statement is really harmful. And this whole like, you have to grid it and sweat it out and be in this really painful place in order to grow or like quote unquote get get more conscious. It's just, it's just trash. And it's really harmful to people when I have people who are working with me.
I can see that they are coming with this sort of agenda of wanting to fix themselves and wanting to get into a sexual container in order to process more pain. And I'm like, or we can just do what turns you on, because I promise. When you follow that, you will get the medicine. You will get the pearl. You will have plenty of growth edges to navigate. Promise. Like I promise you. There'll be plenty of things that'll come up.
But you don't need to have so much angst around it. You just you don't need to suffer so much.
What's amazing is that it's that's old fashioned. That's puritanical, that's Calvinist. And it's seeping into what we are like, no, no, no, this is all new. This is our new age. And it that suffering part is still in ignoring the joy, ignoring the passion, which you again is such a such a key part of your practice and your spirituality. Let's go for the joy. Let's go for the good stuff too.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. One of the things that really taught me this is New York City. So New York City has this magical way of like stumbling on pleasure. It's a very walkable city, as many of you the listeners probably know. It has been such a teacher for me to just get Lost in the magic of life and following this like indescribable, I don't understand why, but I have to walk down this block.
I'm not really sure, but this is the path on the park that's calling me. Oh, this is the store that I really want to walk into and just this. I'm gonna follow this impulse, this yearning that calls me forward without questioning it so much. And those are the days that are the most magical days.
And that's how I usually like to approach sex magic too. You just follow what pulls you forward. And to the listeners, I'm actually like tugging on my soul chest and being like, What is pulling me? You know, that's Right there. I yearn for that. Okay, the magic is there. Oh, okay, I yearn for that. That's where the magic is next.
That's amazing. Mm-hmm.
¶ Overview of Upcoming Workshops
You host a number of in-person events and they're actually starting this Thursday, January 25th at Gaia Nomaya. Did I say that right? In Brooklyn, including a series that's covering intuitive betting, sex magic, trauma, kink.
Healing.
Um, as well as exploring BBSM and attachment. Can you elaborate on this? Yes, T. I know it's a lot.
Ha ha ha.
Yeah.
Take all that and condense it.
Yeah, I know. I know. I'm sorry. It's a lot. But I really want to get into this because the the events are they're on your website. Everybody can find this. There's there's a whole list and there's quite a few. You've got a lot of things planned between January and April, right?
Mm-hmm. I do. I really do.
Be busy.
I'm busy and I'm giving three of those four workshops down in Costa Rica at the Envision Festival. So if anyone is uh music festival junkie and is gonna be down there, you can find me there too.
Amazing.
The workshop series that you named, each of those workshops stands alone, but truly they weave together really brilliantly.
¶ Trauma, Kink, Somatic Healing
The first one is the trauma kink and somatic healing. And that's where I really de stigmatize. and reorient us to the sacred nature of the taboo. And so a lot of people know me as someone who will do very dark psychological edge play um and really give it sacred context. Which is different than what a lot of people are talking about. And my own personal journey, I
very much eroticized my trauma. And I think there's so much power in sharing my own examples and examples of some clients who have given consent for me to express like this is what their kink was. This is what ends up moving in them and this is the thread that we connected back to a traumatic experience that they had had from a previous era in their life.
And normalizing all of that is hugely profound. I've had so many people in that workshop come up to me and say, I've been keeping this fantasy. out of my spiritual conversation, sexuality out of my spiritual containers, because there's no real place for it. And giving sacred context to the dark erotic is really the point of that entire workshop. What happens in that workshop is people's brain really gets in the way and they start to try to connect the dot.
between, well, this is the drama that I know I had. And this is the way that I think I want to quote unquote fix it. So maybe this is how I can kinkify it. And I'm going to be the prescriber of my own erotic medicine. So I can alchemize through it.
¶ Sex Magic: Decolonized Approach
And that's where the sex magic, a decolonized approach comes in. And I'll give an example here. I had one human in my world who knew that she had she came from a cult, a very religious cult, extremely repressive. And when she started to self-diagnose herself, she was like, Maybe I should play in the bratty space. Maybe I should play as a a really bratty bottom to get over my good girl oppressive. trauma. And I said, does that turn you on the at at all?
Doesn't sound like it. Sounds super clinical the way you put it. And she was like, no, not really. And intuitively I just started talking about a chastity built around her and her being a really good girl and her not being allowed to have any orgasms. And she started to get flush and sweat. And I could see, I was like, and how does that feel? And she's like, I'm getting really, really turned on right now.
Right. And so this is where the sex magic workshop all comes in. Like how do you get out of your own mental way? How do you really embrace it?
¶ Intuitive Vetting and Boundaries
And then we move into the intuitive vetting. The intuitive vetting and boundaries that nourish you. Because when we start to explore these realms, frenzy can come up, a lot of excitement can come up. We override our discernment and we have no idea how to create safe containers. So that is all about even when you don't have when the flags aren't obvious. There's a lot of great articles now where it's like, spot the red flags. What if they're not so obvious? And so this.
uh the practice that I really teach in that workshop comes from my experience as a sex worker when I didn't have the luxury of going on three dates with somebody. And I had this very intuitive vetting process around how do I feel inside of my body? What signals is my own body giving me? And where is my yeses and my no's.
¶ BDSM and Attachment Dynamics
And then the last workshop is probably the heaviest hitting one around codependency that comes up in these sorts of really deep psychological spaces. even if we're not playing with mommy and daddy archetypes or roles, very often our inner little is coming to the arena. And very often we're getting enmeshed with other people in ways that weren't intended.
And what happens when our inner littles are driving the bus when it really ought to be the adult versions of us driving the bus? And how do we navigate through that? And how do we repair after the inevitable ruptures that happen when our littles are driving the bun? So the whole pathway is a big journey and it
designed from the needs that I was hearing from my clients. And I love that I'm giving these workshops now locally because I usually I'm giving them like at Domcon or at the Envision Festival. But for me to be able to give them in a really accessible way. Um in my local hood. I'm like there.
And that's that's like one of the big things that I get out of out of BDSM is getting out of my head because I will get in my own way all the time. All the time. It's a big part of my work. And what you do sounds, you know, you say workshop. You sound less like an instructor and more like a guide.
¶ Guiding with Body's Inner Wisdom
You know, it's like this is how you get out of your way and you have the experience. To back it up. Is that how you is that how you see yourself?
For me, I don't have any of the answers. Truly, I d I don't have any of the answers. They have the answers. the intention always is to return them to their own inner knowing. Because they know. They know. They just don't know how to trust their knowing.
Well it sounds like their body note.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right, right.
Their heads getting in the way, right?
Yeah, they're stuck here. They're stuck here. I'm saying across my neck, that's what I'm doing right now. It's you know, they're they're getting stuck from the neck up. And I I'm very familiar with that. So yes, that's that's such a great way to put it. I love that.
Sometimes in these workshops there's um a sense of disorientation because a lot of the what I'm sharing is really Hey, this isn't neck up knowledge. What is the direction of your informing? Are you allowing your body to inform your mind? Or are you taking your mind and imposing that on your body?
And every time in every workshop, I'm flipping that. And I'm saying, if your mind is doing the the thinking, then you're not allowing your body to speak to you. And your body is so wise. It is so, so wise. But when I do that, sometimes there's a lot of disorientation and the role that I play is just to Jiggle the rope.
bit you ever uh the vision that I'm getting right now is when you go cave diving and you're in this like underground river and you're all following a rope and you're just like one by one hand over hand following the rope. Sometimes people feel like, I lost the rope. I'm gonna get stuck down here. And so my job in that moment is to just like jiggle the rope. It's over here. It's over here. The ropes are right here. You got this.
Yeah.
And I and I love the the idea of it being in the dark. In the dark.
¶ Trusting the Body's Intuition
Do you find that flipping that around, is that a difficult adjustment or do people take to that pretty quickly?
It is a very deep walk. It's a really
Imagine it is.
We're not taught it anywhere in the world. Right. Right. We're taught if you don't have empirical evidence, then you don't have truth. And there's a way when you are flipping that and saying, I'm gonna let my body Do the ru like. The roost. that it gets discredited because you don't have any quote unquote explanation. There are times where I'm like, oh, my body is a no to that. It's just, it's just clearly telling me a no.
And the most annoying thing that can happen to me is if someone asks me why. Why is it a no? Because my answer is I don't know. But my body's telling me no. I have to do this scene. Why? You've never that's not a scene you do for fun usually. And I'm like, I don't know. I just I have to do this scene. This is the scene that's next for me. But that's a really revolutionary concept because it's such an allyship with yourself that we have not been taught to do.
It takes a lot of time. And I forget sometime'cause I'm human and I'm swimming in this world of a lot of pressures to always know the answer or always have an explanation or always have a a great Yeah, like dissertation on on an explanation. And I don't have it. And so I sometimes get lost. But the indic the like the key, the key is when you forget, just don't forget to remember again. Oh shit, I let my brain get in the way.
Yeah. And there's and there has to be that that trust. When you know, you're you're in the dark and you're stepping off a cliff and You you have to go, okay, I'm just gonna do that. and be open to whatever that is that's going to happen when I do that.
Just like when we start a new relationship with another human, it takes time to build trust. When we start to which entity we are letting inform the rest. We're letting our body inform the mind. It takes time to build that trust. It it takes a lot of time and cultivating a r a trusting relationship with yourself does not happen overnight.
Yeah. That's what I would imagine that that's you know, because Everything we're taught is It's in a book. It's within numbers, it's a calculation, it's reason, it's logic, you know, and and that's been handed down forever.
Forever and ever.
And that's how we've been raised. And that's what we know.
We've been very orphaned from ourselves. Yeah. And there's a way that this path of erotic alchemy is a real redemptive path. There's a reclamation here. That does redeem. It redeems your soul back to yourself.
¶ West Coast Events and Sensual Eating
So necessary. Are you planning on any visits to the West Coast for events? You are? Yeah, okay, talk about it.
Well, for the past couple of years I've been giving some of these signature workshops at Dom Con and so if I am honored and lucky enough to give those again, then DomCon is in May this year. Uh I've the dates are escaping me, Julia. You probably know already.
Ready?
It's it's the very end of May. I I think the last day of Domcon is like June first or June second. So it's right at the end. It's not usually it's usually mid May.
It's usually like Mother's Day weekend.
Right.
Right.
And it's changed I forget the reason. Mistress Cyan told me the reason, but i it it wasn't available then. The uh the facility was not available then, so it is the end of May.
Amazing. So I usually make that a a a nice big trip for myself to the West Coast because I have so many friends. and um community members in the sex work community over there that I love reconnecting with. So I will be in May uh there in May and in June at Domcon LA. Yeah. Reconnecting with everybody and maybe, maybe.
connecting deeper with some local institutions. I like the underground spaces there. So maybe some of my workshops at those local facilities too would be lovely while I'm out there.
Well that's great news. because we have a lot of listeners out here and i know that they would love to uh attend you
Offer
A free lesson on your site to unlock sexual conditioning. And that's kind of what we've been talking about. What uh does this look like?
So that lesson on the website has I think it's like six different practices, but really the beginning part of that lesson is talking about how we have been taught to be quote unquote church approved. So I I can like the example that I like to give here is when you're a kid. and you're eating and you're slopping around with your food and you're just enjoying your food so much and you're making a mess and you're putting your hands over your face. You're just like a d you're so sloppy, right?
but those are the meals that they love the most And very slowly over time we get taught to stop doing this really yummy thing with really yummy food because we don't we can't be making a mess anymore.
Mm.
And I really think sometimes like this is the simplest way to start, honestly, is just changing your relationship. to how you eat. And one of the practices, I'll do a spoiler, there's I think six different practices in that lesson, but one of them is essential eating practice. And it's where you take food and you make love to it. It to your lips. I and you just r and the the listeners can't see me, but this is gonna be so sultry.
Ha ha ha. We can see you.
I love doing this with a mango. So just imagine me with a mango.
That's totally what I was imagining too.
Just these like little popped-up cubes split open and I'm rubbing it on my lips and I'm smelling the juice of the mango like wafting into my nose. And I start to lick. all the crevices of the mango. And then when I take my first bite, it's because I can't not have it. It's like, oh, I need this mango now. And when I feel that peace move down my throat.
It is like I am taking the biggest cock down my throat. Like I feel it, like, oh, I feel it moving down me. Uh. Me and a mango could have s like fun for hours.
Oh my god, that was so hot.
¶ Embracing Presence, Shedding 'Shoulds'
Amazing. You guys couldn't see it, but it was really hot.
It was so hot. And it sounds so much about being Being present. Absolutely present for and just reveling in sensation.
Hmm. Yes.
In the moment. Absolutely in the moment.
And you know, my my like pro tip for people Because this was one of the I learned this from my own practice. I went to go record this lesson for uh an inside group, one of my inside communities. And I wanted to show them like what does this look like? And the moment the camera was on, I noticed it shifted. And I was like, oh, that's so interesting. Even with with like just the simulated gaze of another, I noticed myself come out of my body. And getting wrapped up into these shoulds. So my own
Right.
Yeah. fully in your body and super sovereign and not get like whisked up into someone else. Just try to do something on camera without putting on a performance.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely. And boy, it everything you're saying is so in line with what we started talking about is like getting out of your own way. And part of that is those should.
Shed the shuds. Shed the sh. It's a huge flag. If anyone says I should be doing a thing, I'm like, ooh, flag.
Yeah. When we talk about red flags, those are red flags.
¶ Freak School: The Holy Freak
Can you uh tell us a little bit about your other creations? So specifically Freak School and Erotic Order. Mm-hmm.
Mm, yeah. So free school is this delicious container that I build for someone one-on-one. And It really is to reclaim sacred needs underneath erotic fantasies, desires, pleasure paths. And give some very sacred place for sexuality. So we started the conversation you heard in my introduction that a lot of my clients are walking a spiritual journey.
And if you're on that journey, you probably know there's not a lot of room for sexuality at the table. Like sexuality does not really get a seat at that table. There are very few circles that are having that conversation. And if they are, it's usually this very like love and light. Right.
Yes.
Totally whitewashed. It's really puritanical also. It's very church approved sex. The even the imagery is extremely heterosexual. Um, when you look at those like conscious sexuality containers. It's it's really problematic in a lot of ways. And so even if someone is in a sexual space. that is spiritual in nature, they're often getting harmed. Because if they don't have if their eroticism does not show up the way that the puritanical, like love and light spiritual sexuality shows up.
then they're not good enough, right? They have said, Oh, my sex doesn't look like their sex. And so I'm I guess I'm not quote unquote woke enough or conscious enough or enlightened enough. And It's just so harmful. And so freak school really is for the holy freak in you because my my philosophy
I love that. The holy freaking you. Ha ha ha.
It does not matter how taboo it is. It is holy.
Yeah.
So holy. And so free school really. bloomed organically from me having these conversations and really normalizing all of these dark, erotic fantasies through a spiritual lens. I'm giving people on the back end of this reclamation. real guidance on how to begin integrating that into their lives. And so there's so much noise. It's really confusing. If you have not begun to explore any of these fantasies within yourself, it can be so overwhelming. Like I'm not even on Fet Life because it is
overload for my system. So I've had so many people say, I tried to get on FetLife and like poke around, but it scared me. And I'm like, yeah, that's so fair. Come here, baby bird. Let's
What a relief people must feel though working with you and being opened up to that, you know. when they've been on that kind of a spiritual journey and have not had that kind of messaging before.
Yeah. I've had And the one woman is coming into my mind for some reason. So I guess she's the the story to tell. But I had one woman say really have I I like to get fucked in my face so hard that I cry. And she was coming with this like real wobble under this fantasy of like that this is her desire and she shouldn't because that, you know, wouldn't be empowered or in her feminine energy.
Uh
Well, whatever the fuck that means. Um
Yeah.
And my response was like Oh my God, that's so hot. And you know, some people even like to get fucked so hard that they puke and then they'll be forced to eat up their own puke. Like if that might be something that you're into and she goes No, no, I don't I don't want to puke. And I was like, oh great clarity. So now you know your limits and your boundaries. And just celebrating her, just totally shifting it on its head of she's
real shame around something, I'll take it one step further. And when they say no, I'm like great clarity. How amazing that you know what is yearning for you, what is calling your soul forward. Amazing. Let's go do that. Let's go get your Facebook.
I love it.
Well w th there's just such freedom. Such freedom in that, you know, going, let's get into, let's really get down into the dirt. Let's really go there. Like whatever you think is that that dirty thing that calls you that you're like I could never tell another person this And you tell another person and they go, that's amazing.
Mm.
That is beautiful. And your soul just goes Yeah. There's a freedom in that and uh this like it's okay. It's okay and wow that is so So healing.
There's one more there's one more example that I'm thinking around um that's tethered to freak school too and like the holy freak. So I was at a sexual spiritual three day thing. And they had uh one event called like tantric speed dating. I'm putting this in quotes because I don't really resonate with the term Tantra, so I don't want my personal brand associated with that. Um But what what happened in that circle was that anyone who was
socialized as a man was asked to go to the outer circle. And anyone who was socialized as a woman was asked to go to the inner circle.
¶ Nurturing Needs in Sacred Sexuality
And there was this invitation for the outer circle to hold up the quote-unquote masculine pole and for the inner circle to hold up the Whatever the fuck these things mean, right? After that event, it opened into a play party. And I was partially working that event. So I said, my offering is for AR, adult nursing relationship.
And so anyone who I'll be in the corner in my like holy mother archetype and anyone who would like to be held by the great mother and enter into an ANR experience, I'm available for that. I was expecting maybe one, two people to to resonate with it. I should have had a goddamn sign-up sheet.
Wow.
The amount of humans socialized as men who were asked just at 30 minutes before to hold up the masculine pole were so deeply thirsty to just be in a surrendered state. to be held. to feel the love pouring out of my heart through my breasts and into their mouths. So that all they have to do is drink. Just be nourished here. Oof, I feel that. I really feel it.
That makes a lot of sense though.
Yeah.
Because it's not it's it's just not normalized in oak.
Okay.
men, quote right, quotation marks, I'm gonna say men, to ask for that. And it's not easy for them to ask for that. But of course that need is there. Yeah. I mean that need is there for everybody, right?
Everybody. And humans who have been socialized. as men have been really stripped away from that permission.
Completely.
to have that need.
Yeah, completely.
And so there was someone who entered into a freak school container with me because he was so deeply touched by that experience. And started having like these mommy fantasies. He's like, All I wanna do is be back on your breast. And I like he's like, I'm having a a crisis. And I was like, I I feel you. And it's so sexy and it's so nurturing and it's so beautiful. Right.
And how rewarding is it to be able to be a part of that experience and that journey?
And I love hearing in the same sentence. sexy and nurturing. Like you said both of those together and As a society, we don't often put those together. And how beautiful
¶ Sexuality as a Nourishing Flame
Yeah, it really is. Sexual experiences. For me, yes, alchemizing, but also deeply nourishing and supportive. And I think that like the way the candle The candle is so nourishing for me. And so when I go back to this fire analogy, it's like in a room of darkness. I see because I have the flame. And that's how it feels for me. This deeply nourishing flame that illuminates so much for me.
¶ Erotic Medicine Quiz: The Acceptor
No.
And it also opens the door to what can be Nurturing.
Amazing. All right. So there is a really cool quiz that you can take on your site that defines your erotic medicine. So of course I had to take this. It was really cool, asked some really cool questions, and I learned that I am the acceptor. What does this mean? And what do I do with this information?
I love it.
I love that you took the quiz! I got you!
Of course.
I had to. I and and I I urge listeners, get on the site, www.priestessfrancesca.com, take this quiz, it's really interesting.
Amazing.
I took it too.
I'm literally Okay, wait, do you want me to talk about the acceptor first or Julia, do you want okay, okay. So the acceptor, and I'll put I'm gonna put like a kink spin on this because hello, this is the show we're on. So I think of the acceptor as the human who sits back. Down and in their power. And is served. So I have studied under Mistress Damiana Chi. She has the four archetypes of a dominatrix. I highly equate um the acceptor archetype with like queen m energy.
Queen energy. I am accepting. And if I go back to also like the nurturing feeling or the nourishing feeling of like, oh, I am just met with nourishment. I don't have to go out and reach for it. It just comes to meet me and I am magnetizing all of creation to me. And how that can show up in some sexual desires is I don't know why this pillow princess energy just like, I'm gonna sit down and be served, right?
My acceptor energy, and you can tell me if this like resonates with you, is highly associated with my service subs. Like when I am in relationship with my domestic slaves, they I really feel like I'm in the acceptor role.
Mm-hmm.
They are just tending to me and I don't have to lift a finger if there's That so
What?
I'm curious how does that resonate with you?
Yeah, no, totally, totally. Yeah. I mean
I like
When someone is in service to me. I like and actually expect them to know what I'm gonna ask for next before I've even thought of it.
Mm-hmm. So there are There are also shadow aspects to all of these archetypes. And this is where the book is coming in, which we haven't spoken about yet. But part of my work is also like getting into the messiness of these markets too. And one of the things that can come up with the acceptor and the clean energy is kind of like the off with your head.
¡YAS! ¡YAS!
Mm-hmm. That can come with that throne sometimes. And so when I'm working with acceptor archetypes, I'm usually looking out for is there entitlement happening here? Is there a sense of um Me, me, me.
Yeah, yeah. I can totally see that too. Yeah. Well I mean With everything, right? There's a a dark and a light.
Right.
There's just you're not gonna have one or the other.
No. They make each other more true. Right. Yeah.
¶ The Allower Archetype's Journey
Well, I wanted to share mine.
Oh good, yeah!
I got the allower.
Oh yeah.
I love the priestess was like, Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah.
Well the allower in the in like a real um hyper fundamental BDSM perspective is like the submissive. You're just allowing for someone to do whatever they want, take whatever they want. be the platter of fruit that the world gets to devour and you know nourish themselves from. It's a beautiful offering. And The shadow side to that is when do you become the doormat?
You know, when do you become the people pleaser, the overgiver? Because the bountiful fruit of the allower is really Nourished by how well you're taking care of yourself that you can live in that way.
Make sure your cup of tea is filled before you fill anyone else's, right?
Yeah and that's All of that, which well I don't think will surprise either of you, absolutely resonates with me, with who I am, and the things that I struggle with. Two is giving too much and then feeling resentful about it. So Yes, there are the light and the dark sides of all of these things. So yes.
And that's why kink is so amazing because these things kind of just like bubble up, you know? Oh when I'm working with allowers, I'm really on uh um A seek I'm seeking out are when they say yes, do they really mean a yes or is that a no?
Right. Are they just trying to please me? Or is this really their intent? Yeah. Right.
Yeah. And it and it's taken me years. It's taken me years to find my no and to find my limit. And it's a lifelong journey. But I'm not where I was ten years ago or twenty years ago. I've grown and I've still got a long way to go, but it's still it's a a journey.
I think that that's a a common theme though for especially for submissive. And if they're coming new into the scene, you know, because there's there's so much emphasis on I wanna, I wanna please my dom, I wanna do everything right, I don't wanna make any mistakes. And The whole fleasing her or him or they It can get wrapped up in that so much that you forget about your own needs and your own boundaries, right? That it it takes a while to like re-establish those for yourself.
I've been there. Yeah. I've been there.
¶ Sovereign Submission and Yellow Flags
Yeah. But I think it's common.
For me, it's the journey of uh the sovereign submissive or the interdependent submissive, the one who knows that they are a powerful creature. and chooses to submit to a powerful human. There's And when I when I'm working with people, especially who are exploring their submission from a an like a little bit of a wobble place. I am so encouraging of yellows. I think yellows are so underutilized in the scene.
Right now I'm working with a client. We're doing a full month-long remote SLUT training. And what's happening is because I'm creating such a safe space. He's actually starting to share with me when his nervous system is getting beyond like nervous, subby, that's cute nerves to I am dysregulated nerves. Mm-hmm. I need to break a role and have a conversation with you human to human. And I'm like, I love this. I love it because you are now learning to take care of yourself.
First and foremost, so that you're a safer player for me dominant. Oh, it's huge. Huge.
And that's what I tell peop I tell other submissives is Your Dom or any Dom. wants you to take care of yourself. And one of the I I'm I have the gift of being surrounded by many people who See submission as a gift. And they will tell me that. They will tell me that my submission is a gift. And I still remember uh one of the first times I was praised. For calling yellow. And I almost cried. I almost cried. Like I called yellow and she said, good girl. And it was uh revelatory.
And now I know. I know that if I If I take responsibility of taking care of myself in a scene in a DS relationship. The person that I'm serving, the person that I'm with, the person that I'm playing with is going to respect that more and have more freedom. Because they know, oh, I can go places'cause I know that she'll take care of herself. And she's taking responsibility. We can both go new places.
Yes. Yeah. And you won't you won't have that. drop afterwards, you know, where you feel like, man, that just didn't go the way that I wanted it to at all. I didn't speak up.
I don't know.
And and it can lead into I I don't know if I feel comfortable playing with this person again. Mm-hmm. And that's not where we want it to go.
¶ Three Waves of Kink Shame
You know. Right. So you're really stepping into your own power, which it is. This is in your control. All right. For those living with shame and trauma around their kink and sexuality, what would be your advice to work through that? Loaded question, right?
Yeah.
I know, I know. But for those who can't go to Brooklyn right now to see you.
Yeah.
How could they start on a journey?
There's two pieces I really want to anchor into. Two pieces I really want to anchor into. One is The awareness that shame comes in waves.
🔇 Silence
And I like to say that the first wave of shame is acknowledging that this is true for you. You have uh Forced by. Right. You have a syssification kink. You have all a face bucking fantasy that Okay, acknowledging that this is true for you. That's one piece. Then making the choice to go do the thing. Okay, I'm gonna go do the thing. There's a whole nother wave that goes from I'm someone who thinks about something.
to someone who goes and does a thing. And that's the second wave of shame to be aware of. And then there's a third wave of sh. That is really normal, and that's after you do the thing, and you have a great time doing the thing. Because now you can never go back to being a person who hasn't done the thing. And that can be really disorienting. I said before we pressed the record button that I'm a full service worker. And I remember the time the first time that I sucked a dick for money.
That way the wave of shame that happened for me after that experience. was really intense.
Because
Julia had mentioned also before we pressed the record button that sometimes in the sex work community there is a hierarchy. Sex work. And all of a sudden, I crossed a threshold that a lot of my peers were like, I would never do that. And I'm like, oh, I just did it. Right. So I I really normalize these like three waves of shame. And if you are aware that this is a big journey towards sel of self-love.
And that you don't beat yourself up when you get new waves of shame. You can remove a lot of the angst from the process. The second piece because you named trauma with it.
¶ Trauma and Erotic Re-creation
When I talk about the eroticism of trauma, I talk about it happening in two ways. One is where we recreate with agency that traumatic experience. And the other is when we totally obliterate and we basically do the opposite. The opposite is very hot for us of that traumatic experience. And so what I like to use is this example is say you have a um Humiliation kink. Say you have a humiliation.
If it was the recreation of a traumatic experience, maybe you got humiliated and and like bullied in the schoolyard. If it's an obliteration of that, maybe you were the grade A honor role student who was always kept to a very high standard and now that is just miserable. Like if someone praises you, you're like, that's what my mom and dad used to do. Like, stop it. I just want to be humiliated in sex. What I like to say around this is it can sometimes feel more mm.
Thank you.
More easeful to lean in if you're completely obliterating the trauma versus if you're recreating it. And so I like to say If you're feeling or you're feeling an edge around what is a fantasy for you, because it's so closely related to an experience that is also connected to a lot of pain. Then I just it's a normalization for me here. Recreating that traumatic experience can be diff it's an it's a difficult road to walk because in our heads. We want to be done with it.
Maybe you've been in therapy for five years talking about this same fucking thing. And here you are having a a sexy, sexy fantasy that is like connected to this thing that you're trying to move through. So take baby step. And also, wouldn't you rather have a bunch of orgasms to move through this trauma instead of another five years in therapy?
Benefits, all the benefits.
Yes.
Yes. It's not just about it's just not just about the pain. It's not the pleasure. And the joy.
Yeah.
And the joy. And a anybody who knows me knows that working through my sexual shame has been a huge, huge part of my journey. And I love the way you explained it. Because f like for me being a submissive all my life I have been a doormat and given myself to others. And people may say, but you're still doing that. And it's like, no, I'm choosing. I am choosing who I give that to. I'm taking agency. Like you said. And I think so much of what you're talking about is having another person see you.
and see that darkest part of you, or what you see as that darkest part of you. Shane can't live in the light. And you're putting the brightest light possible on it. And it can't live anymore. And that's you know, that's so much of You're breaking down the walls for people to see their own shame. And you know, showing the light on it.
Thank you.
¶ Listener Gift: Book and Workshops
All right. So you, I understand, have a gift. Audience.
I do.
Talk about it.
So one thing that I'm really passionate about is creating safer containers to do this transformational alchemical work. And there's only so many hours in the day for me. And so what I have been very inspired to do is to write a book. Write a book on how to play with this fire, this very transformational fire on purpose. But in a way where you know how to build your first aid kit emotionally, psychologically, mentally, you know where the fire exits are. I kind of like to say that.
We practice the fire drills before there's a fire in the building. And yet very often with sexual alchemy and this fire element, we have no idea where the exits are. We have no idea where the extinguishers are. We have no idea where the first aid kids are. So this book is that for people, giving them the agency to really step into this work and know how to do it safely.
And so If you join the wait list for the book, uh before it's it's not ready yet, but if you join that list, which will be available through a link that is only available in these show notes. then you will gain access to the workshop. that I talked about previous because I will be making them.
Itch at all.
in the next couple of months, which I'm so excited about. So they will be accessible now wide. and for people um all over the world. And so if your listeners are inspired by anything that I talked about, they'll have access to those workshops. for free for joining the book wait list and getting all those
Oh my gosh, I can't wait for this.
Gift.
This is huge. And I can't wait for the butt. That's gonna be so great. Yeah, because you have I'm so glad that you came on. This is amazing insight, and I've learned so much.
🔇 Silence
I'm fangirling again.
Ha ha ha. No, really. I mean this is this has been
Uh
So illuminating and You have such a good way of explaining these topics too and just and the examples you give as well. Like it it just hits home, really.
Thank you so much for having me on and just I'm so honored to be talking about these because it is such a passion of mine and A real mission. A real mission too.
¶ Priestess Francesca's Hottest Scene
Oh, I can tell. I mean, this is this is very near and dear to you. Very. You can tell.
So clear and it's so clear that this is your passion and what you really, really care about. You you wanna you wanna heal the world with this.
I want to make safe spaces for people to heal themselves.
I'm not
Yes. Yeah. I mean I'm like, ooh, don't give me that power. That's your power, Julian.
No, I absolutely hear what you're saying. I hear what you're saying, yes. But you are making that space for people.
And that's important. All right. You know, I've I've gotta ask this. Everyone gets this question. Priestess Francesca. We want to know what was your hottest scene.
I switched to water. I was drinking tea this entire recording. I switched to water for this moment.
I warned you we would ask this. Yeah. Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
Good morning.
I'm ready for it. I was going back and forth between two scenes. I'm gonna go with um the I think the one that took me more time to integrate. Honestly, that I was like challenged to integrate from. And this was my first, um. Uh FTT, so full toilet training with brown shower and a flushing slave, toilet slave. Um, this was the first time it was so hot. I just want to say this. Like But the grossness of it for me was what made it hot.
And that was so challenging for me to integrate. And so when I talk about this scene, I ha and this is actually when when I was in LA for Domcon, I guess like Last year was the first time I I crossed the threshold into the SCAT domain. And I was feeding this toilet slave. My shit and gagging a little from the smell. And yet I could feel my cunt throbbing and my panties soaking wet. It was so paradoxical in my body. And that was the like.
What is happening here? I am repulsed and yet so turned on. So turned on. And after I had made him swallow multiple spoonfuls of my perfectly soft serve brown I said like that I'm gonna wash it down now. And I squatted over his face as he's like covered in this brown all over his b all over his mouth and face. And then he started to piss in his mouth and simultaneously masturbating. And so I masturbated and had an orgasm hovering over my own toilet slave. Amazing. Yeah.
Oh my god.
It was so very hot and so very gross at the same exact time. And this is one of those like, you know, I said it before, waves of shame. It took me a minute to interview. I was like, did I just get off to that?
Okay.
Like hovering over my own shit on someone else's mouth, right? That's like it's an intense moment. It was an intense moment for me. Um So hot. So hot.
And and it and boy, it's always fascinating to me that um people who are into scat And I'm not. Like I have the the repulsion of it, but hearing people who are into it talk about it and talk about the power of it. And I've heard this story. You know from others. Where they go like, it's just so powerful and I hear that from you and it's it's so fascinating to me.
I feel like I climbed a Mount Everest when I did that. There was a way that like after I did it, I was like, how am I gonna get down from here?
And it's like, and what else is there? This was it. This this was like, that's it, right?
Where do I go from here?
That's amazing. That's I this may be one of the top Yeah.
I am a Leo son.
I am
Like lioness queen, if you tell me that I have the hottest scene, I am going to have a moment. I need more water.
This was a good one. You delivered. Let me just tell you, you delivered.
Yeah.
Amazing. All right. We um typically do a sex tip of the day, but we're not going to do that today. We are going to have some fun. We are going to do rapid fire questions.
¶ Rapid Fire Questions
Rapid fire means I'm just going to shoot these out and just answer with the first thing that pops into your head.
I have played this before on other shows, and the shit that comes out of my mouth is ridiculous. So I am so excited.
That is what I want.
I am excited. I am excited.
All right. How two?
Yeah.
For Princess Francesca, so everybody knows. How to make an impression on you.
Quiet confidence. Expensive flowers.
🔇 Silence
Those are the two. Those are the two I got. Quiet comments and flowers.
There you go. How to feed you.
Oh warm cookies and blankets.
Gotta make her laugh.
Try to out weird me.
Try to out weird you? An answer. How to embarrass you.
Uh tell me that I'm not good. If you criticize me in public, I'll slip out. Yeah.
How to, and this is probably going to be a tough one now. How to disgust you.
Project your wounding onto me as if it's a me problem. We're done here. Yeah.
That's good. How to buck you?
In the good way or the bad way?
Any which way? Ha ha Let's say the good way.
I'm from Brooklyn so when I think like, Oh, someone's trying to fuck me, I'm like, Oh
Not not fuck you over like.
Bye-bye.
Mm take you and you know, do the things to you.
It's funny that that's where my brain went because now I'm in like hypervigilance New York City mode. I'm like, who's trying to fuck me over?
Yeah.
Right, right. How to fuck me. I'm gonna we I my personal partnership is really like coming to me when I can go into my DDLG dynamic and just be little girl. She's sick. I love I love it when daddy fucks me.
It's so hot. How to please you.
Follow my instructions. I am the kind of dominant who gives. World class protocols. I have tech enhanced DS dynamics, nothing. is on accident and everything is by design. And if you do not pay attention with all of the effort that I put in to my systems and structures and organizational workflows, we got a problem.
I love it. How to piss you off.
question that I just answered ditto.
Okay. Awesome. That's it. You did it!
That was that was everything that I hoped it would be. You are just incredible. You are just absolutely incredible.
From Scat to AI workflows. Yes.
¶ Farewell and Podcast Information
Yeah, within a matter of like five minutes altogether. Less than that even. I I amazing. Princess Francesca, it was such a pleasure to have you on. I mean, it w this was amazing. Thank you so much. And thank you so much for the gift for our audience too.
It was such a pleasure and an honor to be here having this conversation with you. Thank you so, so much.
We hope that you will uh visit us again.
Stop it.
Ha ha ha ha!
Duh, okay, yes.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Yeah.
And let us know if you're gonna be out this way for a DOM contest.
Yes, ma'am, absolutely. Perfect.
Well, we would like to thank Priestess Francesca for joining us today for an amazing conversation. So catch our next episode in Fab. You can find us where you listen to your favorite podcasts, and follow us on Instagram at S3X underscore sin underscore sensibility. SexSin Sensible 1 on Twitter. Or on the interwebs at sexsinssibility.com. If you have any questions or ideas for topics you'd like to hear, DM us at Instagram. Until then, my lovelies, be sexy. and be safe.
Special thanks to the Muertemen for our music. Check out Muertemen at Muertamen-M-U-E-R-T-E-M-E-N.com.
🎵 Music