Hi, I'm Davy word Ericson and I'm Alena Selks and you.
Are listening to sex is Medicine, your number one resource for holistic sex education. Elena and I are bringing you over twenty seven years of combined expertise in the field of holistic sexual wellness to help you integrate your body, mind, spirit, and sex.
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Hey, welcome back to Sex is Medicine. I am your host, Davey word.
Ericson and I'm Alena Selks and.
Together we are serving up over twenty seven years of combined expertise in the field of holistic sexual wellness to help you integrate your body, mind, spirit, and sex and making sure that we are bringing you the most accurate and up to date information to set you up right so that you're not engaging in stuff that's gonna be
detrimental to your well being. And that's exactly why we're doing this episode that we have for you today because, as I said in our first reboot episode, Mama Davey's concerned about about about some of this stuff that's going on on the Internet and some of these people that have platforms that aren't necessarily educated and informed to the degree that is necessary to be advising you about how to achieve your own sexual wellness your own optimum sexual potential.
So today we're going to be busting a myth for vagina.
Owners all over the world.
We've gotten this question through are decades of work together, decade of work together and my seven years before that. The question a lot is having to do with so to setting the stages is for vagina.
Owners, the owners in.
Relationships with male partners and heterosexual partnerships, though I will say that this also comes up in same sex relationships for women because we're talking about vaginas and we're talking about should you be able to feel your partner inside your vagina? Or is it okay for your vagina to be numb? I'm gonna say that again, is it okay for your vagina to be numb? How fuck No, it is not okay for you to have a numb vagina.
We absolutely not and we're gonna tell you why, and we're also gonna tell you how you can awaken and activate and sensitize resensitize your vagina because you are supposed to feel that you should, yes, you should be feeling your partner inside of you. And if you're not feeling your partner inside of you, it doesn't mean you need a new vibrator. My friends, that is not what you need to feel your partner inside of you. It does
not need to mean you need a new vibrator. So I'm gonna have the mic over to Elena because she is gonna break this shit down for us about why, yes, you should, yes, you should be feeling him in your vagina.
So Elena, thank you, Davy, And so I'm gonna play a video for us in a second. We're not gonna have a hot take this week, because the whole episode is the hot take. We came across this this clip on Instagram a while back and shared it among our staff and we were all enraged by it and knew that we needed to that we needed to have have an episode about it. So I'm gonna share the clip with you and we're gonna listen to it and then we're gonna talk about it.
You were outraged that that is the motivation. We are outraged. So here we go.
And if you cannot feel your partner when they are inside of you, do not worry. That is extremely normal because the inside of our V has almost no touch sensitive nerve and it is only the first third part of the V is where you're going to feel any tingly sensation. That's why the key to owing is playing with the sea. The sea has over ten thousand touch sensitive nerve endings, which is even more than the P. The c's only purpose on our body is for us
to experience pleasure. So make sure you or your partner is.
Playing with the sea.
And if you want to learn how to oh if you haven't experienced and oh yet, come and learn below and I will send you my workshop that teaches you, because every single person deserves to.
Oh. Okay, So I'm just gonna jump right in here if that's okay.
Davy before screaming.
So, I just want to start by saying, okay, having a numb vagina, there's difference between uh normal and common, right, And I think that's really the crux of this video
for me. There's a difference between normal and common. Right, it might be common for people not to be able to feel their partner or a toy inside them, but that does not necessarily make it normal, right, And I think for me, what's so important about that distinction is a like, we don't want to we don't want to shame anyone, right, Like, we don't shame anyone that doesn't
experience sensation inside of their vagina. And I think what ends up happening is a lot of these folks, these influencers, sex education people on Instagram, in an effort to like answer these questions and divert that shame, they actually rob people of the potential capacity for pleasure that they might have. Because while it can be common, you can change it. Sexuality is a skill, and it's a skill that can be developed, and it can grow and do all kinds
of wonderful things. But I don't want to talk too much before getting your initial thoughts on this, Davy.
Well, so, like you, like you said, there's a I think it's important to make a distinction between what is normal and what is common. So, yes, it is very common for people with vaginas to not have much sensation in the vaginal.
Canal, and there are multiple reasons for this.
One of those reasons, yes, is a lower density of nerve of of of pleasure or you know nerve nerve nerve fibers, right that that's a lower density of those in the vaginal canal. But and at the same time, it's important to be aware of where the density where the where the most nerve fibers are in the vagina.
And not only do.
You have them in that first you know one to three inches, which is also where your rectile tissue is.
This is where your genital.
Anatomy is really really important and understanding how it functions, Like we were talking one of the other episodes, understanding how your genital anatomy functions.
Is literally the key to bliss for you.
For like you really, if you don't understand how your body works, you can't you can't make it function optimally.
Right.
So that first one to three inches of the vagina is surrounded by the internal rectile tissue, part of which is the clatorus. But the clatorus is not the totality of the retile tissue. You also have your perennial sponge and the bottom.
End of your vagina that is a huge.
Source of orgasm. The perennial sponge orgasms. And then you also have at the back of the vagina is highly and densely innervated with pressure sensitive nerve endings.
And in fact, your cervix yoni owners.
Your cervix is triple andnervated, triple innervated with your vagus.
Nerve, your hypogastric nerve, and your pelvic nerve. And so in this video, the young young lady talked.
About how your clataorus has you know, ten thousand nerve fibers, your cervix has as many as two hundred thousand or more. So your cervix is actually the most densely enervated sexual pleasure center in your whole you know, sexual.
Genital pleasure apparatus.
Shall we say so, your cervix has the potential to be even more fulfilling orgasms than your clittorus. But guess what happens to your cervix every time you go to the guano and they they don't recognize it as a pleasure zone. They traumatize it. Well, the result of trauma is numbness or pain. So if you're if you have zero sensation in your cervix or pain in your cervix, it's because you've got trauma in your cervix.
As a result of going to the freaking doctor. And God only knows what else.
Right, because our entire culture, the Western culture, and relationship to sexuality is highly ignorant. It's and it's highly misogynistic, highly misogynistic, and highly ignorant. So they are not mainstream sexualities and mainstream you know, sexual whatever is not teaching you about your cervix being even more pleasurable potentially than your clatorius because they don't even know, they don't even know. We've actually had going on a rent here, but but
I'm going to continue on that rent. We've had medical professionals take our TUNTRA certification program and come out of it telling us that they learn more about human sexual functioning and human genital anatomy as we were wired for pleasure, human pleasure based general anatomy. They learn more from our training programs than they learned in medical school, because medical school is not about pleasure, it's about identifying causes of pain. Right,
So these are my very long first responses. So, first of all, you know, I would say this is a perfect example of someone who is, you know, uneducated potentially I'd like to know where they got their sex coaching license. You know, what qualifies them to be offering sexual advice on the internet, aside from the fact that they're selling vibrators because they're the vibe slut.
Apparently that's their URL. So keep that in mind.
Vibrator companies and sexual wellness experts are not necessarily on the same side. We're not necessarily on the same team. We say no to more vibrator invitations than we say yes to. In fact, I don't think we've said yes to any recently because of the detrimental effect that vibrators can have on your clear your sexual response. They they can be detrimental. We've got a Tonture Talks podcast episode
that talks about the dangers of overusing your vibrator. They're they they are, they are they are something they are to be used with caution, is what I would say, Use your vibrator with caution. Right, So, this person giving you this information on this video has a vested interest. Their motivation is not necessarily to help you experience sexual fulfillment and realization, though they you know, they they market it that way. Their job is to sell you vibrator
and orgasms. But what kind of orgasm and at what cost? And what is the quality of that orgasm? Because for those of you who have been listening to us for many years, and you know, for those of you who are new to the show, welcome, thank you for joining us, I cussle up. Women can have over fifteen different types
of orgasm. So when I was in my twenties and I was just becoming a little monk who was allowed to have sex because that was part of our tradition, you know, and I could have my little clit orgasm, like I thought that was all there is. If I had my little genital sneeze, I was happy and I could go to sleep, and you know, I did not feel my partner inside my vagina, and I thought that was fine.
I mean, most of the time I just felt some pain, and I was like, okay, you're supposed to feel pain.
But he would, you know, pump away for five minutes and have his orgasm. And I was a good girlfriend, and I was happy because I got a seamen and you know, and now he'll stay with me because he got.
His nut right, So I didn't know that I could.
Have anything other than a genital sneeze if I was lucky, and you know, and sometimes I would have some great orgasms from some some oral pleasure or clorical pleasure.
But I too had a numb vagia. I was from the Namba Vagina club.
I too had a numvagia, right, And so it wasn't until I was introduced to sexual tuntra and introduced to the concept of trauma and body armoring, and you know, sexual trauma and had embodied in visceral experiences of releasing trauma, going from going from numbness to pain, to irritation to pleasure, right, which is the way trauma resolves in the body. For those of you who aren't aware of that, that's the way the body dearmors and releases traumas through the four
stages of First, you're gonna experience numbness. Then as the numbness starts to dissolve, the freeze response in your nervous system starts to dissolve.
Your going to experience pain. You know.
So once your hands are frozen, they start to thaw, and this the energy comes back and the blood comes back. It hurts, and then it starts to tangle pins and needles.
Irritation, and then there's function. Right. So I had a.
Personal visceral experience of going through vaginal numbness, to vaginal pain, to vaginal irritation to oh my god, pleasure and feeling the different areas of my vagina awaken, you know. And the first spot to awaken, yes, was the G spot, like that first one to three inches.
That was numb too. When I was all numb, It was all numb. The whole thing was numb. I couldn't feel anything. I felt some like pressure maybe if I was lucky, right.
So, so healing, you know, each each quadrant, shall we say, of the vagina, and experience having the actual embodied experience of sensation returning to my body.
And when when I.
Had that experience, I was horrified. I was outraged, again outraged.
And I was so sad.
I was so sad that I had spent thirty three years of my life not knowing that I could, that my body could produce this type of pleasure, that I had access to this type of pleasure, and that nobody had told me. And so I'm that's part of why I'm horrified for all you all young women on the Internet that are willing to settle for this kind of shady, shitty ass sex advice that.
Like, Oh, don't worry, you're you know your vagina, it's okay to be numb. No, it's not.
It's not okay. And that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. There's means it Actually, if we have a numb vagina, actually means our bodies are working the way they we're designed. It's actually a win for the team, right. We just need to understand how to reverse that process, and we can because that's part of our birthrate too.
And the reclamation process is empowerment. Wouldn't you much rather heal and transform your vagina, to awaken your vagina as a profound and powerful source of transformation, healing and liberation not just for you, but for every partner and your un born children. Like, imagine your children passing through a fully awakened vaginal canal. Wow, they're being passed through the portal enlightenment itself.
Like you deserve better.
You deserve that, and that is your birthright and that is your potential.
And I want you to have that because you can, because you can.
Once you you just need to believe that you can and have the right tools and methods, some of which we teach, some of what you can get elsewhere, because it's really this is really about reclaiming your your connection to your.
Own body, and you don't need anybody outside of you to do that. That's the thing you can do for yourself.
You can something you can do with yourself with your own connection to your own beautiful body. So that is why we are doing this episode for you, because you deserve better than this shitty ass fucking information that's gonna that's going to maybe not shame you. We're not trying to shame you. I'm we're inviting you into your potential.
We've been this process and we've walked hundreds, if not thousands, of other women through this process, so we know it's possible and we know what's on the other side, and we want that for you, and it's a beautiful.
Process that you deserve. You deserve this. You deserve to feel every throbbing, pulse and pump of your partner in your pussy girl you do. It's beautiful. You don't want to miss that gift, and he doesn't want to miss that gift. You deserve it, so don't settle for this like you know, oh you don't have.
There are your Your cervix is more densely innervated than your clatorus. So go get go, get that, Go get that. My chihuahua agrees, tell it, tell it, tell it money.
So there's there's multiple reasons aside from trauma, that you may not be feeling your partner inside of you. So I'm gonna hand the mic back over to Elena because she has a beautiful outline. She's a beautiful she's gonna take us through. So take it, Take it, Elena.
Okay, thank you, Tavie. There's a view of things. I just want to mention to just back up all of the beautiful, beautiful things you just said. Thank you so much for that wonderful first first, uh, I guess reflection on the video that we just watched, I love your rents. I love them so much, never apologize for them. So just again to reinforce what you said, just the clitteris
is great. We love the clitterists, right, And as that that young woman said in the video, so far as we know it is, its primary purpose is pleasure, right, So that this is not no shade to the clitterists at all. We love it. It's wonderful, wonderful orgasm organ
capable of orgasm. Excuse my mouth, but go guitars. But people get hyper focused on the clitters and the C literal system, right, and I get it, Like, I don't know if anybody out there have heard this, like strangeness in the ether of like vaginal orgasms are superior this and that like people seem to be responding to this idea that vaginal orgasms somehow superior than clitteral orgasms, and
that that belief comes from a place right. So Freud, our friend Freud, when he was formulating his theories, he's the first person that we know of to say that the vaginal orgasm was more mature than the clitteral orgasm, and that you know, women who had them were mature themselves more so than than women who could not have them.
Right.
And so.
Basically, as we've gone through time, I have seen sex educators react to that shitty claim and then go the complete opposite direction. And we'll talk about that more in another episode when we talk about you know, the C literal ruthural complex, But for now, just know that there's a backlash to that that has gone too far, right, because while we love the clitterists, it isn't the only
source of orgasm. And we just want you to understand that your body is capable of so many wonderful, beautiful things, as Davey pointed out when she mapped all those different places that we have that innervation. And I want to go back very quickly to something I said before I passed the mic to Davey, which is this concept of
sexuality as a skill. This is something that I talk about a lot with my students and something I like to reinforce over and over and all of our people really and when I say sex is a skill, I'm not talking about it in the way that most people think. So a lot of people want to be good at sex, and so they think that means, you know, knowing all of the best positions, knowing exactly how to please you know, this person or that person, and or they want to
know all of the best techniques. And while techniques are wonderful, the real point of magic in our sexuality is connection, right, connection to ourselves and connection to our partner.
Right.
So when I say it's a skill, it's about learning yourself, and it's about learning your partner and your partner learning you as well. And yes, that will involve education, right, but it also involves time, and it involves practice.
And communication communication which is like so difficult for folks to feel safe and comfortable doing often when it comes to our sexual interactions, just giving each other guidance, right, So, I mean I would often say, like the way to what's the best way to give a woman the best orgasms of.
Her life is listen, listen to what she says, invite her to communicate with you, because we as women receive a lot of at least in my generation jen X, and if this is true for millennials and zoomers, but we receive a lot of conditioning to not communicate about our pleasure during the active pleasure because we don't want to, you know, hurt anyone's feelings or you know, or egos, or we don't want to seem too experienced or whatever
the conditioning is. But if you ever, if you're a listener, and you ever hesitate to tell your partner, yes, that feels good with your words, or oh could you go a little softer please, or oh that doesn't you know, could you do this instead? If you ever hesitate to do that, chances are it's your cultural conditioning blocking you
from from communicating your your truth, your sexual truth. So so yeah, so there's a lot more that goes into good sex than just you know, having the right you know, squirting technique.
Where you got to vibrate their geez bot. Really, look, if I'm disassociated from my body, you can vibrate my ge spot all day long. I'm not squirting. If nobody's home, nothing's coming.
Out beautiful, Davy, thank you. So let's get into it.
So I want to quick start. I'm going to move around my outline a little bit, but I want to start by talking a little bit about nerve innervation, because you started that conversation off beautifully right, So, as far as we understand it, Davey talked about, you know, the first two to three inches having those touch sensitive nerves, and then the int your you know, inside deeper in the vagina, they have nerves that experience deep pressure more readily.
Right.
I also want to say that there are there isn't a whole lot of information out there as well about our nerves and our nerve density. In our vagina. So before I got into this episode, I was doing a lot of research on different studies that were out there, and I found a lot of conflicting information. Sadly, I closed all my tabs, so I don't have them right up, but I'm gonna just paraphrase them from my memory for you.
So one study that I found show that there really wasn't much difference in nerve density throughout the inside of the vagina, right, there may be differences in the way nerves experience the stimulation, right, because there's a number of different nerves that feed the vagina, like the pelvic nerve and the hypogastric complex. There's there's different players in there, and those nerves experience things a little bit differently. Some
of them are parasympathetic, some of them are sympathetic. So there's a lot of happen but it is innervated in there.
I pause you there, let's outline we teach that there's four different nerve pathways that innervate the genitals for women. So let's just outline those for people because there's a lot of nerve conversation happening here. So with the clitteral, the clatorus, the clutorus, and the external volva area and the external your introitis and your anus and your perennial sponge area. If you don't know what I'm talking about, google a diagram. Look at your parts. Look at your parts, ladies,
know your parts, ladies. So all of that external vaginal or volva, all the external vulvic area is innervated by your poodental nerve, poodental nerve, which means shame. It's innervated by your shame nerve, ladies and men to have the pudental nerve innervation. But then when you start to get into what's commonly referred to as the G spot and the inside of the vagina, and of course the cervix and the A spot and the P spot, which are the anterior four nex orogenas zone and the posterior for
nex orogenas zone. We will link to a diagram so you can see our diagrams that we have that we have designed for these. So when you're talking about inside there, then we have the pelvic nerve that comes into place. It comes into play as well as the hypogastric nerve specifically innervates the A spot, the pa spot and the cervix, and then of course the vegus nerve, which is the longest nerve in the body and bypasses a spinal column, and that innervates specifically the cervix and the upper or
back end of the vagina. And studies have shown that women with spinal cord injuries are still able to experience orgasm through cervical stimulation because of the vegus nerve, because of vegas nerve bypasses a spinal column. And I just want to say, this is how much Nature loves us, ladies, that Nature ensured that even if we have a spinal cord injury and cannot walk, bit you can still come.
You can still have have an orgasts up from having your service.
Stimulates because God decided that no woman should go without orgasm, even if like you may not be able to walk, but bit you can come.
I'm just saying.
That if that doesn't say something about the priorities, about Nature's priorities, that's.
Beautiful, Davy, Thank you so much. Yeah so it. Thank you for outlining those foreigner pathways. And yeah, we teach those in our courses and all of our students teach those as well, and it's a beautiful way to understand that we are literally wired for pleasure. And and there's still studies out there. It's the medical documents out there that say that there are no nerves in the vaginal
canal and attribute it to the birthing process. Right, So there's a lot of bullshit out there, and it's really important that when you're when you're looking up these things that you a are really really careful in what you're reading and you think deeply about you know, how studies are conducted, you know if there are any references to the articles that are out there, and that you also just more than anything, tune into your own body and what feels like a yes or a no for you too,
because you'll know in your mind and in your body and your heart if the information that's coming through doesn't sound quite right, and then you can investigate further. Right, So anything more on that dating.
Just that Also keeping in mind like what we call Western science is relatively new, it's only a few hundred years old, and that people all over human beings all over the world have been having, you know, experiences and practicing different forms of science that don't necessarily fit under the Western umbrella science, and the Western umbrella science is dominated by it has historically been dominated by white men with PhDs. No shade, I'm married to a white man
with PhD. But the view is limited. And it's also you know, misogyny is real, and it's only been in the last you know, several decades that female sexuality researches are even a thing, right, or even have voices to add to the conversation. So, I mean, I really consider
Western science and relationship to sexuality pretty archaic. It's pretty archaic, and the people doing the studies are only looking through their own little, tiny myopic lens, right, So there's you know, you can only study what you think of the study. And yet meanwhile there's this whole world of experience that they haven't even conceived of, so they're not studying it. So you know, I've seen again, I.
Talked about it.
I think in one of the episodes, first episodes of Sex Is Medicine. How I was present for this, the transformation of like the vestibular bulbs to become the clitteral bulbs. Y'all Western science changes so much, you know.
Just decides like, oh shit, that was wrong. This is actually true, you know, like, oh, sorry, that study was fucked up, so we're gonna do a new So like, really, none of this is carved in stone.
This is one of the researchers, researches that I really love and respect Beverly. She's one of the sexual yeah, the whippo yeah, and cammusauric.
Right. I mean I can't say a lover, but I respect her work. Right.
So something that I really what makes me respect their their work together is that they say the studies indicate that this may be the case. They don't say this is it carbon stone and this is like this is gospel.
They don't say it's gospel. They say, based on what we've observed this, it indicates that this may be true.
Right, So, but at least so it leaves the door open. It says, this is what we're seeing. You know, this is what it indicates.
Try it for yourself, right, This is what we believe to be true. But it can change as more study occurs.
So that's the important thing to keep in mind, particularly when it comes to sexuality research, because it's you know, it's been such as such a a misogynistically dominated field.
I'll just say and also, you know what are the bodies The bodies are typically in these studies. These bodies are typically white bodies.
Well, even though we're all human, our bodies respond differently to our environments, and our respodies respond differently to stressed And you know, we all have different cultures and our bodies of accumulated stressed intergenerationally in different ways due to the different environments in which we've existed. So, you know, there's so many pieces to the puzzle. It's really dangerous to just do a cut and drive. This is the way it is all the time. So anyway, that's another rant.
Let me hand the mic backer. We're never going to get through this.
No, I love it. It's wonderful and toosy.
Just things to think about, y'all.
So moving on beyond nerve innervation, we also know that a lot of a lot of women and people who of vaginas are capable of vaginal orgasms. Another pet peeve of mine is sex educator saying that only like eighteen to twenty percent of women experience vaginal orgasms.
Bust.
Those people don't know how to read read scientific articles. The study that seems to be the one that everyone's pointing to says something entirely different. So this is a US study from twenty fifteen. I'm pretty sure this is
the one everyone's referencing because I couldn't find another. And the quote in it is while eighteen percent of women reported that intercourse alone was sufficient for orgasm, thirty six reported c literal stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse, and an additional thirty six percent indicated that while clteral stimulation was not needed, their orgasms felt better if they're literal,
If their clittericist is simulate it during intercourse. So that means so people people have said it's just eighteen percent, but that second thirty six percent is saying that they're having orgasms without their clutter is being stimulated. But that is really nice if it is well.
And I think you can also add those to the eighteen percent, like the if you have the thirty six to eighteen you have right, yeah, yeah, make me do math, but but I could, but.
Eighteen and you come up with fifty four more more than not yeah, more than not yeah. And I what I don't like.
Is when when these kind of things come out and folks use it as a weapon to be like, only twenty percent of women are having vaginal orgasms, So men need to do better. Look, we all need to do better. We are all miseducated. We all need we all need.
An actual, accurate education that.
Is motivated to support our liberation and our realization and our reclamation the humans. And a lot of the information that's out there is not it's about selling you yet.
It's about selling you yet, so.
Ye, and making you feel bad about yourself so to keep coming back.
We don't.
We want you to come back because you feel good about yourself. We want, we want you, We want to help you feel good about yourself.
Yeah, we do, we do, and you never anything from us to do that. We just want you to feel good about yourself, exactly.
Thank you, Davy. So so we have that study. But also we with our combined years of expertise and in our work, know that people are very capable of having feeling in their vagina and they're very capable of cultivating orgasm when there was none before. You've done it. I've done it too. I started out with a numb vagina as well and had to cultivate it through practice. And
so let's move on to some talking about some solutions. So, Davy, I'm wondering if you would be I'll say, I'm wondering you would be open to answering why do a lot of people feel numb or have blocks in their vagina?
Absolutely? And I wanted to what did you just say before that? I was gonna say one.
Thing about expertise that you can cultivate orgasm in the vagina.
No, God, moving on. I'll let it go. We'll let it go if it comes back like a little but I'll pick it up. Okay, So let's talk about the.
Various reasons that you may have you may not be able to feel your partner's penis inside your vagina. Let's just use the words that the algorithm mates your partner's p inside your v Okay.
So the first.
Reason for me that that again chokes my chain or you know, just gets me in a little bit of a tizzy, is y'all, it takes us twenty to forty five minutes for our internal erectile tissue to fully, fully, fully, fully fully fully engorge. Now that doesn't mean that you need to be penetrating somebody for twenty to forty minutes before they feel anything. Doesn't mean you need to like go down on your partner for twenty to forty minutes before you feel anything, though, please do, if you're inclined,
please do. But what we're saying is that it takes twenty to forty minutes of sustained arousal arousal in order for her internal erectal tissue to fully engorge. So she can think herself into arousal. Absolutely, Just like you gentlemen can think yourself into an erect penist, a woman can think herself into an erect vagina, right. And the more erect we are, the more our inny is erect engorged, the more sensation we feel in our entire organ. So a lot of women are being penetrated before they have
an erection. So, y'all, dudes, like, if you think you have an audi, We've said this before, Like the female body has more erectal tissue internally than the man has externally.
So you have an audi.
We have an inny, and our rectal tissue is dispersed in this like beautiful kind of low TuS looking way right, And so imagine if when it takes you, if it takes you twenty to forty five minutes to achieve a full erection. We're not talking about, you know, like a half erection. We're saying a full erection. It took twenty to forty five minutes. Dude, y'all would be going to the doctor's popping pills. I'm just saying, you already. Are
you already? Are If it took you takes you twenty five minutes to get a full erection, You're like, what the fuck is wrong?
Right? Right? But for us as women, that's the way our body works.
It's this because it's inside, because it's this like there's so much engorgement required, and it's like a slow kind of like if you think of like a big pot on the stove with this low flame, it's gonna take a while to get really hot, but then that shit's gonna simmer all night, it's gonna keep it's just gonna stay hot for a very very long time. And that is a woman's body. As we get in gorge, our pot gets hot and it stays hot. It's like a
cast iron pot. That shit's gonna stay hot until the next day.
Right.
Meanwhile, the way y'all are sexually trained in this culture, I'm saying sexually trained in this culture, particularly when you're trying to masturbate to poor and as quickly and quietly as you can, you're training your whole sexual neural pathways to come as quick as you can so the sex is over. First of all, you're penetrating her before she's ready to be penetrated. Nine times out of ten, unless you've learned differently, you're penetrating her before she's ready to
be penetrated. Number one and number two, your pot's boiled over and her still getting warm up.
She's not even she's like still.
Lukewarm, and you're done right. So you man, you need to learn to last longer. You need to learn to slow down. You need to learn how to let her pot warm up and simmer and you know, and stay like hot and full. You can give her all kinds of orgasms. All there's fifteen different orgasms you can choose from. Have an orgasm party, give her all these orgasms just from Youoni massage and Youoni licking and you only play and all that, and then you penetrate her after she's
already had several internal orgasm. Then you penetrate her penetrator, which is actually going to help you last longer, and then you make love for you know, twenty forty thirty sixty minutes. Beyond that, however, the numbers go just keep going, right. So the idea here is that the sex is over before.
She's even warmed up. That's the point of my big rant here.
It's in heterosexual relationship dynamics, the sex is over and she's not even warmed up. Right, So if she's not erected in gorge, she's not gonna have as much sensation in her vagina. And this is just a fact.
I've experimented with this shit because I'm like, am I saying what is this really true?
Yes, I've experimented with this to find out, and yes I can attest to this, and so can multiple students. We have so much more sensation in our vagina if we have been warmed up, so to speak, for twenty minutes before penetration. Thirty minutes, Yes, before penetration, there's so much more sensation. The other thing, as I said before, is trauma. We hold trauma in the body, and at least at least one in three women has experienced some
form of sexual trauma. Okay, So, and whether that is direct physical trauma, or it's verbal trauma from living in a culture that teaches us that are you know, says all kinds of horrible things about vaginas and vagina owners. Right, So how our nervous system responds to that toxic stress determines affect shall I say, how we're able to respond
sexually in the moment. And so for sexual trauma, it lodges in the sexual organ right, And so you know, for those of us who are our survivors of early childhood sexual trauma, there's a healing and a reparation process that many of us have had to go through and continue to go through.
Because there's layers to trauma.
And for those who maybe haven't experienced a direct physical assault, who may have psychological or emotional traumas or even just you know, in working with clients for again seventeen years, for most folks.
The way we we.
View trauma is as a mass it's shock trauma. You know, it's like a massive violent incident like I was raped or I was assaulted. That's a shock trauma, right, So that's one incident trauma. But trauma is also cumulative. So growing up in a society that tells you that you're ugly, or you're undesirable, or you're not as good as or you're stinky or you're funky, or there's something wrong with you, or you're in fear, you're less than or you're not okay, or your sexual orientation.
Is not okay.
All of that is is psychic trauma. It's psychic trauma, and so it may not be a one time overt physical act, but it is accumulative.
You know, it's a cumulative.
Event that does store in our bodies and it does affect our nervous system, right.
And also, you know.
There's that we're talking about sexual trauma, but there's also the fucking trauma of life, y'all.
And like I didn't, I did not come up on the you know, top of the food chain. I came up through struggle.
I came up from fucking suffering, like I had to rebirth myself like so many times. And I know many of our listeners like, you know, it's it's it's it's hard out here on these streets.
There's a lot of shit going on.
There's you know, there's there's intentional suffering being inflicted upon multiple people. And this is not new, but the intensity has increased, And so do not discount the impact of toxic stress of our fucking culture, of our society. Our society is like just one big fucking toxic stress bloom right now. So don't discount the impact of that on your nervous system. And that is absolutely going to affect
your sensitivity or sensation and your ability to respond. So this is why, to Elena's point she's made so many times in so many of these episodes, we say that the goal of TNTRA is connection. I'm just gonna say that the goal of human sexuality where it starts, is
your connection. If you're not connected to yourself and you're not connected to each other, you're not connected to life, and you're not connected to like the whole intention and purpose of human sexual activity, which is to build upon, foster and increase that sense of connection with ourselves, each
other in our environment. And so the place to begin in de armoring your vagina and creating more sensation in your vagina is connection to yourself, to your beautiful, beautiful body, to your beautiful beautiful Yoni.
Because she's telling you a story, what is she saying?
And then to this beautiful human being that you're choosing to be this intimate with That's that's the place, that's where de armoring starts.
It starts in the heart and then it trickles down to your yonie. That's what I have to say about it.
Those beautiful davy and I second all of that. And also I wanted to add that lack of education is a huge component as well. Right, so, just not even really understanding how our body works. I think we did, you did talk about that a little bit earlier, but also not knowing that we have a right to masturbate and that that that this is this is the point of connection for our sexual being, that will allow us to connect to ourselves and to explore what our bodies
are capable of doing. And then when we're there, what do we actually do in our masturbation practice to facilitate greater pleasure and expansion and arousal so that we are able to experience all of these wonderful different flavors of orgasm and pleasure. And I just want to.
Say that about masturbation, just how empowering it is, y'all. I just want to say this about like as a woman, as a yoni owner, like the empowerment that comes from being able to awaken my own vagina has been such a huge reclamation like yes, your partner, and yes, you know, like we're not isolated and blahdyh blah. You know, healing doesn't occur in isolation, but you know some things are just.
Like like you just need to be with your own precious little self and go into your own little nooks and crannies.
Like literally and figuratively, and just be with yourself and then move through this process of moving through like numbness to irritation to pain and the emotions that like are stimulated from that, and then being able.
To breathe and relax.
Through that to the other side to where blossoms into like oh my god, like toe curling, mind blowing orgasms.
And like you did that.
You did that for yourself and the confidence that that instills, and then you get to like bring that like whole vagina to your partner and like, yeah, look I did this, Like my whole relationship to partnership shifted. It transformed tremendously when I became responsible from my own orgasm and I knew that I could give myself better orgasms than any dude. Off the street, any dude at the club, any dude
on Tinder whatever. Like I when I became my primary source of mind blowing orgasms, I was like, what you got for me?
You know?
D It was totally different.
Now.
I was like, Okay, what's in it for me? Like I know what's in it for you because I got skills, But what's in it for me? Like are you gonna blow my mind? Are you going? Can you do better than I can do myself? Can you do me better than I can do myself?
And for a lot no, now, So there was a lot of you know, heterosexual intercourse that was missed for many people because I could do a better job on myself because that is empowerment. So I'm not relying or dependent on somebody else who maybe is not trained or developed. I don't have to sell myself short because I am
empowered in my own orgasm. And then when I encountered a partner or partners who maybe they didn't know everything, but they wanted to learn, and they were they were as invested in my pleasure and orgasm as I was, and I was as invested in their pleasure and orgasm as they were.
Like that's a match right there, that's a match so.
Beautiful. Yeah, So for all of you out there, if any of you are wanting to awaken your vagina, the next question is how do you do that? And so we have we've hinted at a lot of it here. But just like what we were just saying, you want to start by cultivating a masturbation practice. And when we say that, we don't mean like you're just gonna like quick go into a room and hide and like rub on your clitteriss and have a really fast orgasm and
then that's it and you're done. Or you do that at the end of the night in order to go to sleep, or when you're stressed, you just go quick, have an orgasm and then you're done. We're talking about an intentional masturbation practice that it's like a date you set with yourself in order to love yourself and explore your pleasure. And you want to give yourself time to
do that. You know you could it needs to be more than ten minutes, right, It could be twenty minutes, It could be thirty minutes, it could be an hour, it could be more. But you really want to set out aside, put it in your calendar and practice masturbating on a regular basis. And then when you're there, Oh, sorry, do you have something into that?
Oh no, I'm like I'm loving it. I'm just like I'm over here dancing.
Yeah. Yeah.
And so when you're there in your masturbation practice that it's going to do two things. A you're going to really get a chance to revel in your pleasure and explore your pleasure and really like really give your body that time to become aroused, like Davy was talking about before that twenty to forty minutes that you need to become fully aroused. And two, you're also going to explore what parts of your body are numb or irritated or
feel pain. And that's where you have the opportunity to really stay with those parts of the body, focus on them and kind of use your breath and your awareness and your relaxation to stay with them and give them a chance to release from your body. So we're healing and we're pleasuring in those practices, and those two things together are going to move you closer and close. We're in closer to having vaginal orgasms if you want then.
Having all kinds of sensation in vagina.
And let me tell you, there is like for your male partner to put his guys. And I've heard this from so many men. Okay, so I've heard this from so many men. There is a tangible difference for them to put their vasra, their penis in a wholly healed vagina versus a vagina.
That's that's that's still numb, right, and so and that and again not shade.
There's no shade because we are conditioned to numbness in so many ways, not just our vaginas. Our spirits are conditioned to numbness. We are conditioned to numbness in this culture. Right, So this is why we have to, you know, take initiative to to to heal and awaken.
That's why. That's why.
And the other thing is that penises are like a ten antennas their sense to energy. And so for a man who has an awakened avazra, who's transformed his penis into a vazra, a healing tool, a divine thunderbolt of wisdom.
For a tontric male, they can sense and feel when they enter a woman who has a healed vagina and an awakened vagina versus vagina that needs some healing and no shade, because you know that it's a beautiful thing to have a vagina that needs healing, and that's one of the beautiful things that are Vazra owners.
Who are you know who have who have realized.
That's why when men are sexually awakened and sexually realize, they become healers and they can assist in that process, right, they can assist in that practice. And this is where we get to be responsible for our own healing. Ladies, like I de armored my pussy, I did I did that. I did that, and yes I had a little help from some friends along the way.
Women and men little help from our friends.
And I know that I am my primary source of empowerment and healing. I know that if there's something that comes up, I.
Can work with it.
I can deal it, I can heal and transform it myself. And then if I need support, I can ask for that support.
Because I've healed those obstacles to me asking for support. Right. So that's why we're sharing this with you, is because we want you to be empowered. We want you. You deserve more than ann vagina.
Don't let these women who have unactualized vaginas on the internet try and enable you to like, what is it that codependency was Like, no, we can just both stay stuck. No, we'll just You deserve better than that type of relationship with your Instagram providers.
You do. So don't let these people on.
The internet, like you know, whatever pat you into into into complacency, invite you into complacency.
There's so much more for you.
And when you have a healthy, healed and awakened vagina, you have a healthy, heal and awakened life. And like, people can't fucking gaslight you, and they just can't play.
They can't like bullshit you.
Anymore, and they can't take advantage of you anymore, and your boundaries are better, Like this is all my my experience and experience versudent, It's the truth. It's the truth, and you're the confusion. Like you, it goes away like you were anchored. You are rooted in your in your own being. This is your own source of power and orgasm.
You deserve this, This is you.
So so cultivating orgasm inside the vagina or pleasure inside the vagina. So we talked about the masturbation practice and setting up the date right. So once you're there, you're at the date. Now what are we gonna do? So you want to uh a set set a good period of time. We talked about like anywhere from twenty minute and it's to an hour to just have this time to yourself. And then you really want to be intentional about it. You want to set your space beautifully so
that it's pretty and calm and relaxing. And as you start your practice, you really want to relax and breathe before you even begin to touch your body. And then as you go through the process, you want to breathe and explore and really follow the pleasure before you even get into touching your vagina. Right. And this is one of the places where your clitterist really stands out, is
that you can you can be playing with your clitterists. Again, for this I I would recommend not using a vibrator, but you can be playing with and stimulating your clitterist and bringing your arousal up, which will increase your engorgement. And once your arousal's up, you can start playing inside your vagina. You'll need some tools for that, most likely like a g spot massage or and a dildo. But then you can just get your arousal up and start
to explore and play and see what feels good. And if you run into anything that is painful, numb, or irritated, you can just stop there and breathe and let it move through you and move out.
And if you want more support with this, we are in twenty twenty six releasing series of courses to support you in these deep internal healing methods. In the meantime, we have our Tentra Healing for Couples programs, which is a great place to get you started. But for these tonric masturbation practices, which are a lot, they're deep and profound and require more space and more presence, we will be releasing a series of classes to support you in that.
But I do want to circle back to the discussion about using tools internally. I'm going to say that I highly recommend not using vibrating tools inside your vagina for this purpose. The reason is that the electronic vibration disturbs your downward avoiding winds and it can actually interfere with
healing process. That's just what I've observed, and it experienced and encountered over seventeen years of dedicated practice I highly recommend against using vibrating tools inside your vagina for these specific practices. So we have tools on our old website.
I don't know if they're gonna go to our new website, but we highly recommend like honey dipper wands, highly recommend like the crystal wands and chakra rubs or whatever those are, you know, whatever, there's like various kinds of them, but highly recommend, or glass, you know, or even metal, whatever substance you like feels good for you. I'm not really particular about the substance. Just make sure it's safe for
your body. It's not gonna leak. I don't recommend like using regular plastic, right, be mindful of body safe use like medical grade silicone, glass, metal stuff is non porous, we'll say non porous stuff, right, Highly ride commend recommend non vibrating, nonporous objects to use inside all of your orifices for healing. Because anal healing is a thing too, Yo, That anus needs some healing too, so we'll talk about
that on our Anal anal Pleasure episode. But yeah, in terms of going through the healing process with Elena, described is essentially in a nutshell, you know, an abbreviated version of what we teach and if you want support and guidance, we will be releasing a series of courses for you in twenty twenty six to support you all in that.
So let us know.
Make sure you sign up for the Sex's Medicine weekly doses so that you're up to date on all of our event announcements. But also if you want, if you want that type of course, let us know, because we are here to serve you.
This is our job to support you in your holistic sexual wellness and holistic sexual healing. So let us know what you want. We'll create it for you.
We have twenty seven years of combined expertise. You know, We've got like almost minute shit we can share with you.
It's beautiful.
Yeah.
And the last thing I want to say about this is that in addition to having your masturbation practice, it's also really great for you to communicate with your partner about this journey that you're on that you want to expand your sensation in your vagina and just talk about that with your partner and talk about the need to slow down, explore and play when you're you know, having sex with your partner. So that you can create that space to expand.
Yes, beautiful, and also a large muntre Healing for a couple's program.
Hold on, can you guys hear that chihuaha? Can you hear my chihuahua? Noh, okay, so he's just he's just allowed in my ear. Good. That's good to know you guys can't hear the chihuahua.
So what I was going to say is an art Tuntry Healing for Couples program coming in twenty twenty six, will also be breaking down how to move through healing blocks the all of a sudden, move through awakening the vagina for its ultimate sexual pleasure potential as a couple. So we got you, We got you to support.
You in this process. Yeah, yeah, thank you, Elena. That was very deep.
I just want to say that, like I kept going on these little rants because I thought you were done, and I'm like, okay, we're closing out the show, and then you'd be like, actually, so, so pardon all my interjection, my rants that I went on while you're trying to break down how to heal your vagina, give people actual tools, not going on tangents.
I love your tangents.
Tools, the tangents. There we go.
But that's it. That's what I have for today. We could go on and on and on about this subject, but I think for now that's a good place to close.
That's a good place to close.
Yay, all right, So thank you everybody for staying with us. We know these episodes are long. We have so much to say. I really love listening to this when I'm cleaning. So I'm just gonna say, I'm gonna invite you to, like put on your ear buds or your headphones and clean your house, go for a walk or whatever you're gonna do, and listen to these episodes because we are trying to edge mc h all. They educate you all,
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