Welcome to Sex's Medicine, your number one resource for holistic sex education. I'm Davey word Ericson, and I invite you to join me every week for another enriching and powerful conversation about the intersection of sexuality, spirituality, pleasure, and personal growth. Each episode of Sex's Medicine is dedicated to awakening your heart and mind to the true purpose and power of
human sexuality. Please join me on this journey of self discovery as we explore the art of using pleasure as medicine to awaken, heal, and empower every area of your life. Sex's Medicine broadcasts every Thursday at seven pm Pacific on Contact Talk Radio Networking. You can listen to the replay and subscribe to Sex's Medicine on Spotify, Stitcher, tune in, iTunes, iHeartRadio, and YouTube. And now get ready for another episode of Sex Is Medicine. Hey, everybody, welcome to sex Is Medicine.
I am your host, Davy ward Ericson, here with you once again for another delicious and exciting episode where we explore the connection between sexuality, spirituality, pleasure, and personal growth. One of our favorite topics. I just want to give you a reminder that this is going to be the last month of sexist medicine for twenty twenty one. We are taking a little winter vaca for November December of twenty twenty one in early twenty twenty two, but we plan to be back at you in the spring of
twenty twenty two. And in the meantime, of course, you can stay connected to all of this deliciousness at authentic tontra dot com and make sure that you follow us on all of our social media outlets at Authentic Tentre. You can also follow my little personal journey of poppy
love on davy Ward tntra as well. This evening, we have a wonderful, wonderful guest who has been a colleague of mine for many many years, a graduate of our Authentic ton for Certification program, actually graduate from our first the year went to a full year of training, our full first full year of training twenty sixteen, and that is TK and TK Spider is.
The I got my spiders on.
Oh yeah, for all, you're a rock climber. You're like a spider climbing rocks. Yay, I thought so, I thought so. So TK is joining us this evening to talk about queering TONTRA, a topic that is really important in something that we absolutely want to explore moving into more of at the institute. So thank you so much, TK for being here with.
Us, Thanks for having me Davey, Yeah, yay.
So could you share a little bit about yourself? TK? So you you graduated in twenty sixteen from our training program and what have you been up to since then?
I can't believe twenty sixteen only five ish years ago. I I've been doing authentic entre practitioner work. I was working in sports medicine for a while. I'm an athletic trainer certified as well. I stopped doing that. I work at a route setting gym. I do sex and authentic contra coaching. I came out early this year as non
binary trans mask. I've been in the kink world. My partner and I have performed at Folsome and Twisted Windows, and we submitted to HUMP so kind of exploring avenues with kink and infusing and integrating TNTRA and what it means to be queer and trans and polyamorous. And now I am relaunching my formal former Lovecraft collective dot com to queering Tantra dot org with a focus on queer and trans bodies and changing language and infusing what it
means to be queer into sexual liberation. Yeah, and that's kind of hand in handle.
Yeah really, and that's a huge topic in the realm of specifically because it is so binary, and we'll explore some of the reasons for that, but because that's also it's very exclusionary, right, there's not a big push in the in the world of at least neo Western neotntra to include non binary bodies and bodies that aren't aren't easily fitting into this box of either or and and and and for example, So when I, when you and I first met were working together, you were female. That's
how you you identified. And then in your journey, it sounds like your journey of personal liberation has allowed you to claim the totality of who you are, which is beyond this box of you know, female woman and into non binary and then also as a man. So are you open to sharing a little bit about that journey.
Yeah, it's it's an interesting one. It's spending a lot of time wrestling with language and what it means to exist in a world that has these power structures set up, so like gender identity and what is what we consider normative, A lot of it's about power, Like when the reasons our brains are categorizing these things, the stuff that we're socialized is socialized into is about competence, power, threat, sexual attraction. But all that kind of plays and boils into the
metal level of power. So I spend a lot of time wrestling with that and almost Scorpio. You're a scorpio too. There's like this deep need to understand what's happening, which I think is part of why we're called ta tantra, and so in trying to figure out what's going on understanding why I would like cringe at the word fem or like this kind of idea of like a woman's circle, and how I actually started to realize I didn't feel
like I fit into those spaces. Yeah, just kind of unfolded, and I, in hindsight, my childhood seems so it's like, so twenty twenty makes so much sense. And now the language is evolving to like include new understandings, and I think that that's really the like this stuff has always been here, we're just using words that express it. Differently and more powerfully.
Yeah yeah, yeah, So expanding expanding our language, and expanding our understanding of what it means to be human ultimately, and it's many myriad forms, yeah yeah, so exploring all of those concepts. So so for you, it sounds like as you have been practicing and as you've been like coming more into alightnment with your own authentic self, that's what has catalyzed your exploration outside of these you know, belief structures and these power dynamics and started to explore
outside of that. And so what are some of the things that you've you've you've found now that you've kind of left the container of like the traditional masculine feminine orientation to tantra, what are some of the things that you've seen and in the field and and and you know, looking back, like what are some of the things that you see? If that's a clear question, I.
Think, so I'll try and if I don't quite get it, we can try again. Some of it is using more like whole language. So when someone says the term masculine, that's a cultural like da yeah, And I mean I love being masculine, right. My association with the word feminine is not as loving. And so when I think of the things that someone might call feminine, I have a very soft side, and I have a very nurturing side, and I have a very like that the loving carrying
the stuff we culturally associate with that. And so some of it is just a shift away from these kind of umbrella terms that we have used, I mean partially because they are useful into more specific and more like whole and inclusive language.
Yeah, I hear that. I hear that a call for for for humanity and so specifically I know that, I'll say, and you know, there's as we talk about, there's different styles of tantra, and there's different ways of practicing tantra, and so I observe a lot of the masculine feminine dynamic kind of conversation happening in the realm of neo Tantra and David Data. It's like as a as a man, as a masculine man, you need to be powerful and have your polarity, and as a feminine woman, like you
can't be that good at business. You have to like be receptive or you're not going to be a man. You're gonna have too much masculine energy to get fucked or something like that, right, So that's yeah, i'd not crazy making too. And in terms of Tibetan Tnraed Buddhism, I know that for me, where my mind goes and where the emphasis and the masculine feminine is often is on the expression of universal energy. So there's this concept
in Tibetan Buddhism that the feminine is formed. So that's the way like universal energies are are feminine and masculine, and so the feminine is the physical, it's the form, it's everything having to do with the flesh and the senses and being incarnate or environment. And then the masculine is conceptual and etheric and you know, kind of out of body. And so the whole thing of tntras, you know, balancing. We have masculine and feminine within us, and it's balancing
the essences. There's also you know, things just in terms of hormones. I know, in the Daoist tradition and in the Tibetan tradition, feminine essences feminine. They're talking about hormones and they call them the red essences. And it's like the estrogen and the progesterone and certain hormones that are
specific to female gonads. And then the masculine essences are like the semen and the prosthetic fluid and that sort of thing, and the testosterone, and those are masculine because those are produced by what are typically called male hormones.
So in terms of you know, rectifying and having more all inclusive legguage, when we're talking about you know, physiological components or hormones or universal energies, do we need to be looking at using opening up our terminology and describing those those things differently without using masculine and feminine or are things like when we're describing universal energy, is it acceptable under that umbrella?
Great question, And I'm glad you brought up form and energy because that's a that's a big part of energies, right, It's like what we're embodying and swaying and changing through in terms of that stuff. So I was just reading through Passionate Lane. We're talking about the red fluids and the white fluids, and one of the things that I've found, you know, in my own engagement or like with my consort,
is that you can embody that energy. Yeah, and you can uh, you can embody that energy, and then whatever fluids you're producing can be whatever fluids you're infusing them with.
Energy wise, yes, And so as we move away from this idea of like super binary endocrine systems, because as we study more about testosterone, we find that different bodies that we previously thought would have very specific levels, actually it's not as binary, and it's not as clear, especially with people from the global self or the periphery, right, So making that more inclusive in terms of like what are we embodying when we are engaged in sex or
tantra the partner or by ourselves. Why not make white fluid when you're feeling like it? And I think that that's a big part of kind of what we might get into later about tantra being part kind of a counterculture as we like where it came from and how it got passed down to like everyday people, that this is like an evolution of that.
Yeah, and you're you're exactly correct, and that tantra is counterculture like the origins of it. So this whole conversation of queering entre is so fucking dondric like, so like breaking out of our our conceptual reality, our concept of reality, and so so I hear that in terms of like that would be a wonderful in my experiment to do.
In terms of like, you know, if I'm if I'm really you know, calling on like typical stereotypical feminine energies, is my body producing hormones that are congruent with that, And if I shift my energies to be more you know, masculine quote unquote masculine oriented, Am I producing more white essences? That would be very interesting also when occurs to me, that's it seems like a certain level of accomplishment as well. Right, and then also there are certain aspects of our physicality
that that we we don't have control over yet. So in terms of you know, conversion not conversion therapy, that's a bad thing. In terms of hormones, hormon that's very different. But yeah, but in terms of like, if I want to you know, if I'm transitioning into a man, I'm going to take hormones that's that decrease my as you know, my my ovary hormones and increase what would be considered more male hormones. So on the hormonal level, that is
still you know, applicable. I think even you know, in the trans community, there's acknowledgment that our hormones do affect their anatomy.
Yeah, yeah, it's true, and it's that's such an interesting space. It's like blackness is not a monolith. Trans people are not a monolith, right. So there's some people that are trans and non binary and maybe don't want to take hormones but want top surgery, And then there's some people that do want to take hormones but don't want top surgery or like all kinds of ways of expressing themselves. And there's different amounts of physical dysphoria, and that's something
that very interested in working with people about. My own comes in waves, and there's periods where everything's okay and this is my body, and then there's periods where it's intolerable. And so finding the ways through using this energy and sex as medicine like to move that energy through, I think is also really important.
So let's talk about that because that is a big issue, the body dysphoria, right, and so how do we how do we as inclusive providers support trans and queer people in doing some of those somatic sexual healing practices and approaching you know, the genitals in a way that's going to be supportive and loving as opposed to triggering and painful. Well, I guess it's different for each person.
So much of our programming is like a client guided process. Yeah, this is even more so, and so it really depends on what's tolerable. Some people like having their breast tissue touched, and some people that might be a source of dysphoria. So for imagining, if there's any source of pleasure in that part of the body, can you get at it? And if so, can you grow it? And maybe it's I want it to be touched this way, but not
that way. I want you to like, grab my muscle, but don't grab the breast tissue, or you can pinch the nipple, but don't caress my breasts. Right, So it's a lot of that exploration, whether by yourself or with a partner, of very similar exploration we do with cisgendered people who haven't touched their bodies or don't know what
they like. It's the same kind of questioning process and really making a lot of space and room for whatever comes up, right, because we know trauma is stored in the body, and especially in the genital tissues and so same same kind of like in the genitals, some people transmit don't or aren't into penetration and some really are
and some love it. Yeah, And so finding out whether or not that's going to be something that's on the table and not assuming starting out with thirty seconds, can you touch yourself for thirty seconds and see if something's there? Can you see you know? And then moving through that really person to person, really gentle, very curious and like trying to step back from these so many of them are blind spots, I know because of our culture, but step back from you.
Yeah, exactly, exactly, and I'm hearing, I'm hearing what an incredible opportunity for communication this is and just how slow and like really spacious it needs to be to to support the individual and having their own wisdom arise to communicate what their needs are in regards to this, as opposed to us as the practitioners, presuming that we know and just kind of shoveling it on them with our biases and all of.
That impact and expecting it to shift. Like when I first started working with you, I was in a period of time where I really needed some like soft, juicy, feminine. I was all into the juicy, and then there there came a shift and I was like that, oh interesting, that's actually an aspect of this thing. And so like making room for it to move. And there is no there is no there's no destination. It's just like a pleasure.
Your pleasure is going to change. You can grow it, grow it, grow it, and then something might happen and you'll be back to where you you know, it's the same same thing.
So the fluidity and the and the I'm also here, the unboundedness.
And the the the the expectation that as our sexuality, as we become more in touch with ourselves, the way we express our sexuality is going to evolve and grow and change, and sometimes that's going to look like breaking the boxes entirely.
Oh totally. It's so painful.
Yeah right, yeah, yeah, tell me about that. What's so painful about that?
Grief? So I've heard grief described as love with nowhere to go? Yeah, And when I think of, you know, my own experience, this idea of like who I am in the world or who I'm how people see me, how I've showed up for people? You know how my mom asks, can I still call you my daughter?
Right?
So there's like all these aspects where it's like, actually, I'm grieving this person that I'm not anymore, and that's breaking through a box or the it's coming out. Yeah, but yeah, it's not. It's yeah, there's a lot of grief there, and there's aspects of that it's like, oh, actually, maybe I didn't want to break through all of that. Maybe there's this aspect that's still okay in my childhood thinks name actually feels okay, but the rest of this doesn't.
And so like that's that's a heavy process.
Yeah, And as you're as you're sharing this, what's coming to me is because of like it's it's unfathomable in some ways to someone who is who identifies as cysts and hat and it's you know, our brains are wired
in that way. So these beautiful and precious nuances of as we are, you know, as you are becoming, as you were shedding who you used to be and becoming more of who you are now, as you're just grabbing that grief in that process of letting go, and just how how poignant and precious that is and how tender
and sacred, quite frank of that space is. And so I'm also hearing like the imperative of having having queer contra teachers to be able to have the resonance and the relatability to be able to hold that space for for our students as they go, because it's really a rebirthing.
Yeah, I mean, And people who do hormone replacement therapy talk about their second puberty, so yeah, yeah, it is, I mean. And interestingly, to draw a parallel, we become different people throughout our lives all the time. Yeah, right, Like you used to be a monk.
Yeah, I used to be a stripper too. I still act like a stripper sometimes.
How many lives do we have? And so I think that one of the as you know, the media doesn't we we talked. The media talks a lot about trans and queer people, but doesn't engage a ton with trans and queer people. And the truth is the experience, not the like socialized experience, but the I can only speak for myself, but the truth is that experience is like very similar to like you know, when I left LA I moved to small town Montana. It was a different
kind of rebirthing. There was a different kind of reef there, and this one just happens to be this other avenue that people have all these like very socialized, intense normative scripts put on us children. But it's an experience I think that everybody actually can relate to, and it's not as foreign as to set people think or might think it is. It's really you know, you're trying something else, you're doing something else. Yeah, I think that gets conflated
and in fear because the passion is real. I don't mean to say that this isn't real, right, but like muh yeah, the experience, the experience of becoming should be familiar to a lot of people.
Yeah, because it's a human experience, right, Yeah. Yeah. So then how can we as practitioners in the field of TNDRA who who really who are committed and really want to bring healing to all humans in all all expressions of humanity? How can we demonstrate and provide and create safer space for our queer brothers and sisters and siblings and siblings.
So this is an interesting one. I there's a lot of different language out there. I personally have been borrowing from kink and using terms of pop and bottom mm hmm, to describe who's going to be, you know, sitting on someone's lap in the ab young position, or who's receiving sensation and you know, a tounch of massage or something like that. And then I tend to ask people what they prefer to have their genitals called. Yeah, so not assuming that somebody likes to have their vulva be called
the vulva you know in specific medical situations. Maybe that's appropriate in uh, some kind of emergent situation, but otherwise, it's like there's a whole host of words out there. I like to call mine my portal, and uh, what else is there? A lot of it really is language. So we're talking about masculine and feminine energies. I prefer
to like just stay away from those terms. And you talk about I think you brought up earlier the form and energy and like what parts of you are full and your energy and what's being expressed like this and what's being expressed over here? And like actually, how much more how much more space you're talking about expansiveness, how much more space? Using like we talk about nonviolent communication and using these describing words, these intense like specific nuanced vocabulary, more freedom.
Yeah, I hear that, And because it is like really drilling down into what it is that you want to describe. So in terms circling back to this whole concept of energy, feminine energy versus masculine energy, Well, if we take the time to really drill down into it, what are we describing?
So what are we talking about?
What are we talking about? Yeah, so the active, vital, red energy is what comes to mind from me when we say, you know, the in Tibetan, when we say the feminine energy, it's active, it's vital, its form, it's red. And masculine energy is ethic, it's open, it's spacious, it's conceptual.
So instead of just saying masculine feminine, presuming that people know what the fuck I'm talking about, actually describing the energy, because yeah, because that's a thing not everybody when saying masculine energy, in some traditions, that means the form as opposed to being conceptual. Right, So yeah, yeah, I hear that. So really, the masculine feminine is really problematic in that in that in in in that realm.
Yeah, and I think it can be the other. And that's just you know, some people have dysphoria with those words. Yeah, but also I think that it speaks to you what you're just saying, like, what are we talking about? What the fuck are we talking about? The other one? Oh, if we are like separating groups of people to share experiences,
this is a tough one. I think unless there is some very extreme traumatic exception that we should not be separating people by gender, you know, like having like a like a women's sharing circle or a men sharing And I don't know how you're doing things now because it's been a couple of years since I was in the program. If people are still sharing all together, or if there's breakout groups that folks separate, but keeping everybody has something
to learn from everybody. H And so yeah, keeping everybody together if they're sharing specific things that maybe some people would be like, well, these should be reserved for these people with this anatomy, because you know, moving through the world as a woman is yeah, under patriarchy different, sure, But who does that exclude when we don't make room for nuance?
Yeah, I hear that. So my preference is for everybody to share. That's that's always been I hate breaking out sometimes we have to, but it's usually I don't recall it breaking out based on gender. It's as well teaching pods, teaching pods. But my preference is for everyone to all
be together all the time. And I hear that in terms of like I would say, maybe for a public, public workshop, and as you pointed, there are specific concerns that are you know, specific for let's say cis gender heterosexual or we'll just say sitch under mind because they may not be heterosexual, things like stemen retention. Right, So like having a a cis gender men's group to talk about how they work with their penis, right, or maybe
just having a penis owners group. I think, yeah, right, yeah, so everyone can engage.
Totally and being clear about that, right, because it might be that the penis owner owner's workshop is open, but if there's no other language about being trans inclusive, then is a woman who has penis going to show up there and want to feel safe? Right?
Yeah, exactly exactly, So even in that case, So I remember when I when I taught at the Seattle Center for Sex Positivity and I was doing a you know, a tuntra masturbation for women. It was like, you know, we were really clear about about or they they really wanted me to be clear about, like, okay, so is this for cist gender women, is this for all women?
Like what kind of women are we talking about? And they also shared like, if you want it to just be for cis gender women, because that's the people that you want to talk to, that's great, you know, like, just be clear about that so that it's not like you're not just erasing that there's women with penises, and
if it's inclusive for women with penises, then communicate that totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So again I'm hearing really mindfulness and care and examination of the language that we use and some of the concepts that are conditioned into us by our culture, and those those concepts being inadequate to describe the totality of our human experience. And so also i'm hearing you also mentioned like in workshops or i'm sorry, in teaching clients
and talking about their genitals. That's very specific. So what about in the case of a workshop, if we're in a workshop when we've got a mix of cist gender people and trans people, and all the trans people in the workshop have a different name for their genital anatomy, how do we balance the the thoughts, not that you have all the answers, but that's about.
I'm like, oh, no, what would I do.
We're just having a conference that we're exploring possibilities here, right.
Yeah, I mean, and probably we're going to talk about genitals. Yeah, And it's my own resistance is coming up and being like, well, would I just use medical terms? Maybe maybe I would use you know, a ritchie medical terms, and maybe there would be some kind of disclaimer. Yeah. The other thing? What was I just thinking? I think some of it is just about like relaxing. We talked, you know, like when you're we're teaching clients to relax so they're not
like squeezing as they're about to come. And you're like, I think of our under norms and are kind of like societal ideas is like, I'm a man, and when we like relax out of that rigidity, there's just like room for things to expand yes, yes, yes, And so I think of like, well what would I Well, maybe i'd ask the class. Maybe I would say, hey, we're going to talk about this and if it's confusing, we can try to clarify and we'll go from here. Yea
or maybe we'd talk about Oh it's funny. Yeah, I don't ideas of shapes come to mind, Like maybe there's a like shapes the class can agree on. But the idea there is to play is to find the like play inside of like where can we all be? And like sex is medicine, sex is fun, Like play is healing, and how do we reject they that makes us like I don't want to make a mistake or I don't want to have used some different language because it's really
hard for me to understand. It's like, all right, we'll relax. No one's stealing anything from you, which is kind of a non answer, but.
You know that's a that's a beautiful answer. And what I'm loving also is so we you were you were in the anti racism training that we held for the institute, and I'm so loving this. You know these anti racist values, which is like sometimes we don't know. We don't have to show up and know all the answers we create.
We co created as a collective, we co created as a community, So I you know, it would be part of the white supremacist ideology for me to walk into a room and presume I know what the fuck's can happen with a group of twenty people I've never met before, I know what all their needs are. Like, that's exactly what we're pointing to you. We can't make assumptions that that we have to be present and open and spacious and allowing the nuances and the diversity and and the
variety to emerge. And then as a collective we co create how we're going to navigate this space with the intention of love and support.
So the kind of workshop I want to go to, not when that's like specifically we're going to, you know, say these words, it's like, well, actually everything you just said.
Yeah, actually we don't know all the answers, so let's co create it.
Yeah, let's figure it out.
Yeah yeah. And so you also mentioned that you've been diving into kink as part of your reclamation journey. So where are they? Where are the intersection points that you see between tontra and kink, Like, how can how does kink cultivate presence and mindfulness and in a similar way that tuntra can? And where where are the points of connection there?
I love this question. So my partner is a prodom and when we first met, we were both like, oh you do that, Oh you do that. Oh no, I do that, But we do this differently. A lot of the the reason why top and bottom work I think really well in TNTRA is that whoever's topping in a scene in kink is following the lead generally and is given consent and is empowered by the bottom to do
the things that they're doing. And so you know in tantra, if we're going to be giving somebody massage, that the person whose genitals are going to be touched is going to empower the other person to touch their genitals. And that is a process where the person touching them is making eye contact with them. That's generally another point I think some people who practice different kinds of mediasm sometimes they put in their scenes that they you know, you
don't look at me unless I ask you to. But generally you're making eye contact, You're following somebody's breath and big time consent and communication.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm hearing that tremendous communication. Yeah yeah. And so when I hear that, so it's like the bottom is driving. So in the way I think of this as a receiver. And so if we're talking about giving and receiving. So if I'm receiving a Yoni massage, I'm driving, even though it may look like the giver is driving, I am actually you know, putting on the brakes, saying or pushing on the gas, and giving the communication about how fast, how slow, and what the needs are.
So I'm hearing that in Kank the bottom, the person receiving the administration is the one actually driving the car, even though it may look like the top is the one in control.
Yeah, and you know, all of the agreements and conversations that happen generally, I am practicing. I think you're going to negotiate a lot of what happens beforehand. Where Tana, there's more of like I'm here and talking with you, but not all the time, and sometimes that's different depends on who you're playing with and how you're playing.
Yeah, I want to circle back to the body dysphoria and finding pleasure. You did such a beautiful job of talking about like, is there any pleasure in this space? And if so, can we build upon it? But I want to talk a little bit more about approaching that in the realm of TNTRA because because that that that's a huge huge trauma. It's a huge area of wounding and suffering, and so as as practitioners wanting to be able to provide safe space for trends and queer people
to explore this. What are some things that we need to know about body dysphoria and how to in your opinion, like, what would you have liked to receive if you were if you were if you were on the receiving end of of a TOUNT instructor from our school, how would you like to be held in that space?
Oh? Interesting? Well my first thought is like I tend to call my clip my dick. Yeah, okay, and so if it's funny, I'm wearing my big clit energy shirt. So I think there's a mirroring that happens there, which is what you're talking about relatability earlier and that kind of even if someone doesn't understand it, they got to get it. Yeah that makes sense.
Yeah, they gotta feel you, empathy.
I gotta feel you. Yeah yeah. And then really, I think the biggest thing for me is a curiosity and really letting that person drive with a little bit of push. There's this kind of like, oh, well, maybe you don't want to explore penetration. Oh no, every time I try to explore penetration, I you know, have a panic attack and it's like, okay, well that's that's okay if you never explore penetration. Are you okay with that? Do we
want to like get into radically accepting that? Okay, Once you radically accept that, might there be some time in the future, like if you're open to it, please, like I want to be here if that's something you want to explore whenever you're ready. And so really finding the line of being like not like are you sure in an infantilizing way, but kind of like all right, feel into that. Are we okay withdrawing this boundary about you know,
how you want your penis touched? If you know someone's on spiral electone and estradiol and whatever's happening to their body is making you know, changes there, and it's a big exploration. I think that doing the research about how different trans bodies like to fox.
Yeah, yep. And and well you just mentioned the different hormones and how they're going to affect sensation. That's a huge component of it. I mean we're like hormone factories, right, and it impacts everything from mood to thought process to sensation. So being educated about about how how those chemicals are going to impact our experience of touch, yeah, I mean, and to add a personal touch.
I I tried to stosterone earlier this year. I was very, very very excited about it, and it changed my arousal process so drastically and so quickly. It was arrifying, and I stopped. And that's not everybody's experience. Often hormones balance out. But for me, where I was at and still am at in my life right now, there's so many other things going on, it was like, this is too much.
This is like straying away from how I understand my pleasure and I like need to be grounded in my pleasure with all the like stuff happening, Yeah, and so being ready to make space for that if that's what somebody else is going through too, the like, yeah, how do we how do we make room in a changing landscape? You know? There's like an interesting parallel I think is menopause, And that's where a lot of people get their hormone research on estrogen. A lot of like male to female transition folks.
So yeah, yeah, and menopause is a great example. As I enter into that myself, I'm shocked. It's like it can create brain fog. You forget words like I didn't know you can forget like too much read that. So yeah, it's it's a it's pretty profound the impact that hormones have, so being really mindful, uh, for all of us. The more we talk about, the more I just hear is like again, it's human and just just opening that extra
not even extra, opening that other pedal. And I think of like our human consciousness as a lotus, right, so oh, here's another pedal to open here, here's here's another area to explore and be be more aware of and have compassion and grace and mindfulness and love and yeah, it's this conversation is about how can we be more full of human to more humans?
Totally totally yeah. And I think the other thing is some people get their first t shot and it's the greatest change that's ever happened in their life and they never saw yeah hanging for that.
Yeah yeah, all them mean, yeah.
The frenzy that might happen there or yeah or otherwise.
Yeah.
The myriad of different experiences that we may have is unique human beings so then your work you are you are making a choice to focus on queering contra What is it? What does that mean? How is that going to look in the world?
I hope, I know You're called creating it exactly. And that's that's been so much of this experience. The majority of the clients that I've seen since graduating have ended up being queer. I'm in the Pacific Northwest and around the Seattle area, so it makes sense queer and polly and generally kinky as well, so it like really helps that whole framework. I think it's just going to be a pretty soft launch, but into really like the stuff we talked about with with tantra form and energy and
and and moving away from very binary language. And there's that quote by Belle Hooks that I love. Uh. She says something like, not queer as in who I'm having sex with, but that could be a dimension of it, but queer as in going against everything that like basically society is and finding a place to thrive and something to create out of that. And that's really what I'm
trying to do. It'd be great to end up with like a queer to community of folks who want to meditate and turn ourselves into green Tara and white chin Razik and uh and masturbate and like yeah, I mean right, and then like maybe hit each other sometimes always yeah,
doing that. And then I've also talked to my partner who has over a decade of kink experience, and we are talking about potentially launching workshops that have kind of a blending because he's learned so much from me and I've learned so much from him, like bringing you know, the best of to ask how there's a crossover, but there's a couple of places missing where I think the two just really beautifully hold space for each other and that there's a lot when taught together that they can
unlock that maybe one or the other might not be the whole prescription for somebody.
So yeah, well you mentioned something about how BDSM can bring that crystal clarity versus open spaciousness. What my interpretation of that is that sometimes the chakra pain can get you present in a way that just wrestling in meditation is yeah, so fast.
And then the one of the differences there then is like then you might need space for something else to arise, whereas like if you're in a king scene and you're getting it repeatedly. Generally we're trying to do is have the emotional release. What we're trying to do in tandra is get down or what's happening like that, And those can be two totally separate avenues.
Yeah. Yeah, one is very active, it sounds like, and the other is more just relaxing into a receptive or Yeah, it's a different, different movement of energy, is what I'm sensing.
Yeah, And the coolest part and this is like one of the things I think I learned from you early on. We were talking about different ways of masturbating or doing an oyp am. I going to do masturbation the way I used to do it, and you would say, just don't combine them, and so my, uh, you can combine kink in tantra. I want to be clear. But what I what I what I think of there is this idea of I'd like, yes, yes, so like you're going to choose sunch, you're gonna choose cank, or you're gonna
choose them both together. You're gonna choose an avenue tonight to look at your genital tissue. Which avenue are you going to choose? And what is your attention and then do your own science. It's all right now, what happened to your experiment? And try something else next time, or try the same thing if.
You like to, Yes, exactly. Yeah, and I love that perspective of being a researcher.
Right.
We're explorers and what we're exploring is territory that our society tells us we're not allowed to explore, which is our fucking genitals.
Yeah, excuse me, I reject that.
Yeah, don't reject that. Yea awesome. Well, thank you so much TK for this beautiful conversation. How can people get ahold of a hold of you and find out more about your work and sign up for working with you?
Woo. My website is Queering Tantra dot o RG. I'm on Instagram at Queering Underscore tntra and that's really it. The website's got a couple of blog posts on it. My instagram is getting fired up and run in here, and there's a place on there people can sign up for what I think is going to be a bi
monthly newsletter. Yeah, beautiful are consultation on there, so you can fill out a form and tell me some stuff about yourself and then I'll hit you back and we can see if we're a good fit to work together.
Beautiful, So we will put all those wonderful links below this video and podcast and blog and all of that stuff, so you can reach out to TK and connect with them to work with in queering TNDRA, embracing TNTRA as a queer person with a guidance and support of an expert. The thing about expert doi do you want to qualify that word?
Is?
To me, expert doesn't mean that we're done. To me, expert means that we've put in the work, We've cultivated a level of mastery and expertise, and that we continue to grow and evolve in in that mastery and in the expertise. So it doesn't mean that we're done. It means that we It's just an honoring of of of the work that we've put in up into the journey so far, on the journey so far, and that we have accumulated quite a bit of wisdom as a result of that. So that's what I mean by the word expert.
You have expertise in this field and you've been practicing for five years, and yeah, can provide a layer and level of support that's unique and important. Yeah, yeah, yay. Thank you so much TK for joining us this evening. Thank you audience for tuning in. I hope this was
enriching and delicious for you. So for any of our queer and non binary folks who would like to learn Authentic Contra under the guidance of another as a fellow queer sibling, you can find TK at queeringtontra dot org and again we will put the link under this video and you can stay connected to us and TK at Authentic tntra dot com and tune in next next week for another wonderful episode. We got two more until we go on break for the winter, in which you get
to listen to a lot of wonderful replays. So make sure you subscribe to Sex's Medicine on YouTube, tune ins, iTunes, all the wonderful channels Spotify, and we will see you next week. Have a beautiful You've been listening to Sex's Medicine with Davy ward ericson your number one resource for holistic sex education. You can listen to and subscribe to Sex's Medicine on Spotify, Stitcher, tune in, iTunes, iHeartRadio, and
YouTube just search Sex's Medicine with Davy Ward. Stay connected with me and my guests on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at authentic Contra. And learn how you can use tntra as medicine to heal, awaken, and empower every area of your life at authentic tontra dot com. Make sure to tune in to Sex's Medicine every Thursday at seven pm Pacific. Uncontact Talk Radio Network and join our watch party every
Thursday evening on Facebook a'd authentic Tom Tram. We look forward to you joining us next week for another episode of Sex Is Medicine with Davey bournem