Myth #3: You Only Need One "Talk"

Christine  0:07  
This is sex ed debunked across generational podcast posted by mother daughter duo Christina and Shannon curly, where we talk about all the things you learned 

Shannon  0:15  
or didn't learn 

Christine  0:16  
in sex ed, 

Shannon  0:17  
and where it all went wrong. 

Christine  0:19  
 From the abstinence curriculum to the monogamy myth. 

Shannon  0:21  
In the vast spectrum of rainbow representation. 

Christine  0:23  
We'll get real about sex positivity, and catch you up on everything from proper anatomy 

Shannon  0:28  
to the holistic benefits of a great sex life. 

Christine  0:30  
Tune in to sex ed debunked wherever you get your podcasts 

Shannon  0:34  
and follow us at sex ed debunked on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. 

Hi, and welcome to Episode Three of sex ed debunked a podcast about comprehensive sex ed, sex positivity, and salt and pepper is iconic single, let's talk about sex.

Christine  0:58  
We're your host Christina and Shannon Curley. Thanks for tuning in. Today we'll be talking about the myth of the talk. And the myth of the talk is that it's all one and done.

Shannon  1:08  
As a reminder, last time, we talked about the myth that it's all about the quote unquote birds and the bees, and debunked the myth that teaching about biology and anatomy constitutes comprehensive sex ed. We also found out that literal Nazis were the ones that were using the term birds and the bees. So we've agreed to move away from that, right.

Christine  1:26  
Agreed. Last week, we touched a bit on sex ed in the Netherlands. And we'll talk a little bit about their model today, as it's a good blueprint for sex positivity. I'll be the first to come out and acknowledge that I did a terrible job with the quote unquote, talk with both of my children. Shannon, remember what I told you?

Shannon  1:52  
You know, I think it was less of a talk and more just like a warning. Not a sex talk a sex warning, it was just don't do it. And I don't actually really remember there being a conversation. I just remembered the fear. The feeling I think probably the most that you you need to know about my healthy views on sex based on any conversations we had were that when I turned 21, as in like past the age where you got pregnant with my brother, we had like a, hey, I didn't have a baby party. Because that was like my whole model for successful sex was just don't have it. And don't get pregnant. So yeah, I don't I don't really think we had a sex talk, I think, sorry. Yeah. All I can remember is one what we talked about last time, which was the talk about getting your period. And then after that, I think it was just a an unspoken truth that sex would mean that you would get pregnant, and then you would have a kid and your life would be over. So just don't do it.

Christine  2:50  
Well, I mean, in fairness, my life wasn't over. You and your brother are wonderful additions to my life.

I tried to ask your brother, what he remembered about any type of

conversation. I called him left a message and sent two texts. He hasn't replied. So if I get an answer, at some point, we'll put that on the social. because that'll be his punishment for not his mother's cool

Shannon  3:21  
speak now or forever exposure.

Christine  3:25  
We did I know that because you know, me and your dad. We got pregnant the very, very first time we had sex, not just had sex together, but had sex. So we were both virgins. And bang, hit the jackpot with your brother, literally. Yes, literally bang. I mean, that was something we were very clear is like, well, kind of like when we talk about drinking, like if you're going to drink with your friends, just tell us and we'll pick you up or sleep over your friend's house. It was kind of like, well, if you're going to have sex, okay, as

Shannon  3:55  
you might have said that, to my brother, you definitely never said that to me, ever.

Christine  4:01  
You're right on this. And that is actually that's a big issue because I think that we do as a society expect young young kids to be sexually curious and young girls to not be and part of the reason we're having this conversation today is that I'm going to debunk that, that I totally screwed up. I should have been much more positive at that age. Even though I was positive about my own sexuality, I didn't have a model to follow in terms of talking to you guys. Though the one conversation I remember talking to your brother about really curious if he remembers this. So I don't know if you guys remember back in the day, Alanis Morissette had the song had a line in it that said does she go down on you in the theater? Oh yeah. Oh, no. No, I see it. Yeah. And driving in the car. song comes on the radio. And your brother asked me, Mom, what doesthat mean? 

Shannon  5:04  
Did you say you ought to know?

Christine  5:07  
No, I did not. But I did kind of take a deep breath. And I told him, I told him pretty, you know, explicitly actually that, you know, boys, Tell me, do you want me to retell the story ?

Shannon  5:22  
I really liked how you handled that conversation? Yes.

Christine  5:25  
Well, I said, well, you're at an age now that sometimes your penis will get erect and aroused. And there is a sexual activity that involves a woman or another person, going to your penis with their mouth and bringing pleasure. And that is called a blow job. And in the song, she's saying, Go down in theater means that that something that she had done with her boyfriend, and she was wondering if the new girl soon was dating, presumably,

Shannon  6:00  
how was what was his reaction to that?

Christine  6:03  
I'm sure my recollection is none. Just kind of like, oh, but I mean, he asked the question, and I think the very, very most basic thing that we want you all listening to get from this podcast, is sometimes it's hard to be open and honest. But just do it because it was hard for me I was before I was a sex educator, was before I was in this field. I was in you know, I was a practicing attorney in a very serious conservative field. And I just took a deep breath and gave the right answer. And that's if this there's one takeaway from all of this podcast is just be open, honest, and give that direct answer if you can.

Shannon  6:47  
Yeah. Oh, I think that's a good point that you make the Joking aside that sometimes I think these conversations are this this singular talk is because a kid starts questioning. And I don't think it happens as often that a parent just elects to have that conversation on their own. And I think it's a daunting conversation for a lot of people because there's this idea that there should only be one, it's the talk, and it's just the talk. And that puts a lot of weight and a lot of pressure on that conversation to get everything right. versus if we started normalizing the talk as actually a series of multiple talks and a series of ongoing conversations, then maybe it would be easier to just continue to talk about these things. Yeah, and not have to wait for your son to ask you what Atlanta is more segment?

Christine  7:30  
Well, I mean, and even if the fact that I never had a quote unquote, talk, the fact that he was able to ask me was actually yeah, I had no model. My talk was, don't have sex till you get married by. See. Yeah, yeah. So you can only imagine how my parents were somewhat shocked, surprised. And probably a million more adjectives that I can't come to mind right now, when I told them that, you know, we were I was pregnant.

Shannon  8:01  
So yeah, although this is a good moment, this is a good moment to pause and say you were very fortunate that despite that shock, and appall your family was very supportive. And very, we're very lucky in that way. Because that is not everyone's story,

Christine  8:13  
now, and my story was astounding support. And clearly, I'm still married to your dad. So that's also kind of an astounding story. But getting back to the model of how to talk to your kids, we're going to start with some really, really basic stuff. First, I'm going to confess, like I said before, I am not the overall expert on parenting, whether from personal experience or my academic experience, but I do know where to find the good information. So most of what I'll be telling you and discussing with you, Shannon, during this podcast, is stuff that is coming from the Netherlands model, the Swedish model, Planned Parenthood. Now my Mayo Clinic, parenting resources. So I have done a, I wouldn't say exhaustive, but a very thorough review so that when I talk about this on the podcast, I am bringing you trusted, credible information, not somebody just blogging off the top of their head thinking what might be a good idea. Let's start with the most basic conversations about sex to kids of all ages must be about more than facts. So what like we talked about last podcast birds almost said it again. 40 talks about he talks about facts. What do you need to talk to kids at a at the most youngest age is about their feelings, because kids feel right at a young age. And so start bringing feelings into the conversations at a very young age. And before you even start talking to your kids. Take a moment and assess your own values, your own attitudes about sexuality so that throughout these conversations, there's a thread values and a thread of attitudes that your children can perceive and can see as hopefully, very, very positive.

Shannon  10:09  
So I want to pause there because I, like now you and I can have these conversations, but we didn't. And we've acknowledged on previous podcast too, that a lot of times, kids, young adults, whatever will go to like the internet to find information that they're not having conversations about. And that's okay, I think the internet can be a good resource if you know where to look. So do you have a recommendation for teens and young adults in terms of websites that they could actually go to? I know, you mentioned Planned Parenthood and Mayo Clinic, but

like, those are, those are for parents, those

are parents and they're obvious, a little bit more clinical.

Christine  10:43  
But for kids, Scarleteen, Scarleteen hands down, it's got great graphics. It's got amazing resources. It has a chat feature. And it is, I have to say anyone that I know in the sex education field, that is what they recommend hands down. And as parents, you know, if you're if you're talking about you know, I know some parents, like do blogs on the internet law. Don't block that one. Yeah, okay. Don't block it. And you can trust that you can say to your kids go to this website, and you can trust that it's going to give you good information.

Shannon  11:15  
I also just want to say we're saying parents, we also mean families, we mean, guardians, we mean fam parents, thank you, thank

Christine  11:22  
you, caregivers, anyone who is who cares about the lives of their young teens slash emerging adults in their in their life experience.

Shannon  11:34  
Definitely. So it's so funny because this is a learning experience for me, too, because I'm now I'm looking back on my own experience with being you know, raised in our family and not having these talks. And I'm like, what should we have talked about? And something that maybe because I'm just a person who likes timelines, but is there some sense for these families for parents or guardians for caregivers? Is there a sense in mapping these talks now that we have acknowledged that there should be more than one two, sort of like life stages? Should there be talks at toddler age at preschool, middle school, preteen teen etc?

Christine  12:09  
Yes, yes, yes. Yes. Yes, most definitely. And, and kind of probably younger than you might might necessarily think. But the sooner you talk, like you, you talk to your young kids about, for example, toddlers, right? pre verbal, right? And you talked to them about this is your nose, this is your hand. So start at a really young age, naming all the body parts and naming them properly. So we'll talk to kids about naming the penis naming the vulva naming those the vagina the clitoral, or any other body part that there is, and it becomes like an arm or a hand. Right?

Shannon  12:50  
Right. So how young how, I guess I was gonna say how young is too young. But really how old is old enough to start having those conversations, in your opinion?

Christine  13:00  
Well, think about for a minute, like, kids, young children pre toddler, they're communicating already, aren't they?

Shannon  13:08  
Right? A lot of nonverbals. But yeah, yeah. So

Christine  13:11  
as soon as you know that your child is communicating with you, which is like, day one, you're gonna just start doing what you do. Ordinarily, with the rest of the kids bodies, you know, think about it when you are even a baby as young as maybe like six months old, you're saying, put it in your mouth. And you're using those words. And so it's like our listeners,

Shannon  13:34  
we're we're showing nonverbals, right?

Christine  13:37  
Yes. You're right,

Shannon  13:41  
my mom was touching her mouth and showing that show to kids and gesticulate with kids to show them what we mean and attach words to nonverbal meetings.

Christine  13:50  
And I think I think one of the things I want to point out is, we naturally have these conversations, and they're not conversations about sex, per se, at age zero to two years old, you're not talking about sex, you're talking about the body and you're naming the body so that they're comfortable with their body. And there's no shame and I

Shannon  14:11  
think part of that is like awareness of body right? Because we start talking to kids about this is your nose. And this is your hands when they start noticing that they have a nose and they start noticing that they have their hands. So I think the quote unquote, private parts kids don't notice until a little bit later, but as soon as there is an awareness of that part of your body, you should talk about it right? You should put a name to it.

Christine  14:32  
Well, and what a lot of the people in sex education and parenting fields will tell you. It's important. At its most basic, so a young child can communicate health issues. If something hurts if something doesn't feel right, they have to be able to name it to be able to tell you and even the nonverbal of being able to point to it should be something that is Okay, and not like Don't, don't, don't point to your penis, you know, it's okay. It's okay to mention that doesn't feel good, because that's how your young people communicate about everything, either by naming it. So that's the first step is zero to two ish. start naming.

Shannon  15:21  
Okay. So yeah, that's interesting. It's sort of like there's a, I'm a literary nerd. So there's a term in literature and I don't remember exactly what is I think it's Nissan's though. And it means like you call something into existence by naming it. Grant word. Yeah. So that's this. So that's important. But I think just to talk about my own experience a little bit like when we did eventually have the period talk, which was our first any kind of talk about your body, I think part of the reason why that talk was so scary was because I hadn't really considered my body before. So the earlier that you can give people you can give kids the word to describe themselves, I think, the more comfortable they become with the other things that their bodies can do.

Christine  16:00  
Well, and this is also the age where young children and toddlers start noticing differences. And if you're comfortable, and I know this is might be a challenge for some, but this is also an age to start recognizing that gender is does not begin and end with anatomy. So you can start saying kids with penises, kids with guavas, instead of necessarily saying boys and girls, and it's a challenge. But the more we change the language. In the beginning, the language becomes more comfortable as kids get older. So they have been hearing that from age of two, rather than the first time they hearing it is at the age of 13. And you know, quite honestly, in today's society, first time, some people are hearing it at the age of 40 5060. And they're like, What do you mean? Why are you saying that there's only two boys and girls. And, you know, our hope is that this next generation is going to be like, yeah, there's more than two there who said there was ever two mom, dad, Auntie uncle, they never talked about two. They talked about differences. And we didn't think about differences as being anything other than super cool.

Shannon  17:16  
Yeah, I think it is gearing in that direction. Okay, so I think you said what, between ages zero and to talk about bodies. So what's next? Like if we're looking at, that's moving beyond like, little little kids into like, preschool

Christine  17:30  
reach, right? Yeah. And so like, the guidelines like around two to five. And I want to say, you know, obviously geared towards your, the child you're with, it doesn't have to be your child. Like we said it could be another caregiver or could be a grandma could be Grandpa, whatever. You're gearing it towards what that child can handle. But the fact of the matter is, at that age from two to five kids are exploring their bodies, there are they are talking how their bodies. And for you to say it's okay. But maybe do it in private. I mean, that's okay, it's perfectly fine to say private, it's perfectly fine to say these are things that you can do and explore in your bedroom or explore in the bedroom. But don't explore it at the dinner table at holiday. Not necessarily a good idea. And so one is teaching them about their bodies and making it feel okay. And two is boundaries around their bodies. And this is interesting, as I was reading up on the materials, it goes both ways. So I think we've talked in the very beginning about consent being really important. So when we teach kids about boundaries on their bodies, it's telling kids that it's okay, if you don't want to kiss at frannie It's okay if you don't want to sit on someone's lap. And you can say no to that.

Shannon  18:50  
Yeah, I mean, I am one of those people that hates as I always used to call it inter family kissing like do not make me kiss you on the cheek. I don't want to do that and but really like that, that's so inappropriate to expect that it's just, this is what you have to do you have to kiss great uncle Leo on his cheek like

Christine  19:09  
a scruffy cheek,

Shannon  19:11  
too. And that's, that's, that's like, I think that's really important. That's really important that you're teaching kids early on that you are absolutely allowed to say no.

Christine  19:22  
Well, and I would actually take it even a tiny step further and say the language should be saying Yes, right. Do you want to kiss uncle Leo on the cheek? Yeah, no, but I'll give him a high five. Well, you know, and that's pretty cool, too.

Shannon  19:38  
Yeah, we do that with with my niece, your granddaughter. The other thing I was thinking as you were talking about this is that, yes, it's definitely the responsibility of parents, caregivers, families to teach their kids about affirmative consent. It's also the responsibility of the adult to know better than to say, I'm gonna give you a hug or not even say I'm gonna give you a hug. Just give a kid a hug. It's awesome. So your responsibility to say, Would you like a hug? Would you like me to give you a kiss? Like that's, it's it goes both ways. And I think that's important. And it's something I've tried to do too, because kids are so dang cute. Like, if I see my niece or nephew, like I'm gonna give them I want to give them a hug. But I've become much better at acknowledging that that is an important part of their development is to learn that it is okay to say no, and that you should affirmatively say yes, to things that have to do with your bodies and have to do with boundaries about your physicality.

Christine  20:29  
And this is kind of where we bring the subject of this podcast to older adults, who are just interacting with young people to make that to make that connection. Because we're all the thread through all of these podcasts is affirmative sexuality and positive sexuality you ultimately want to be Getting to Yes, not saying no.

Shannon  20:51  
And I'll say this is this episode, right is about multiple talks. And we have definitely been hearing the, the subject matters so far towards like talking to kids. But these are also talks to have with your extended family and adults It is okay. If you have kids to say to your extended family and the older adults in your family, we are practicing affirmative consent with our child before you hug my kid, please ask them if it is okay. Please ask them if that's what they want. So this this is what we mean by it's not just the talk, and it's a series of talks, and it's conversations is these conversations transcend generations. They transcend gender, they transcend families, it they are important to have at all levels. And it's important to continue to revisit these conversations. So right now we're talking of course in like, between these ages talk about this, between these ages talk about this, because we are talking about, you know, younger adults and children, but just to reiterate, the sex talk, quote, the sex talks, quote, should be had cross generationally.

Christine  21:53  
Right, right. And it starts with it starts with this idea of touch being a good thing, but touch being something that you affirmatively want. And so the one last piece of that is teaching kids said they should also ask other people, right, and I hug you can I climb on your lap? Is that okay? And that's a piece that I think that we sometimes forget as well.

Shannon  22:16  
Yeah. So that's a great point. Okay, so the next thing that comes to mind for me is the the question, Where do babies come from? How do you deal with that? You know, I think there's probably an age maybe where that question gets asked more, but it's, I mean, that's probably one of the most classic examples of Miss handling a talk.

Christine  22:38  
Yeah. And it's usually usually it's, it's the kids that come up with a question, it's not you having that talk. And it's usually when another family member or close friend is pregnant, right? Because then all of a sudden, they're like, it's right in front of you what's going on. So the first thing I'm going to say is, don't say it's the stork or magic.

Shannon  22:58  
Stop telling people that a bird delivers your baby. Okay?

Christine  23:03  
So that's first second. Once again, gauge the child you're talking with and what they can comprehend and go to their level. Third, be honest, don't lie, Don't lie. And and and realize what they can handle. So the advice usually is you can say something like, well, two bodies two people grownups get together, and the sperm and the egg come together and make a baby. Or sometimes they get, you know, two people get sperm and an egg from someone else that makes a baby. And then to say, I'll tell you more when you're older. Like that's perfectly fine. Like you don't expect to tell a you know, five year old six year old seven year old about how the mechanics of sex works, that's insane. But what you do want to do is say, I'm going to tell you what I think you can handle and promise then I'll tell you the rest when you're a little bit older. One of the things that's really important is to share your own story and maybe share stories of other people in the family because there's so many how babies are made stories right now

Shannon  24:10  
and and there's just so many different models of families to exact there is obviously that talk about it from a sexual and anatomy perspective, but also like you know, I think there's this very common statement that's made when kids ask which starts with when two people love each other very much true, but babies aren't always a byproduct of love. And love is not reserved for biological parents alone so I think to your point telling more stories, more family stories more personal stories of yes this is how babies come to be but there's so much beyond that and it's not just when two people fall in love a magical stork appears on their front

Christine  24:46  
you know, mean like it's a wonderful life. Stork

Shannon  24:51  
shorts, lesser stork. Yeah,

Christine  24:54  
only our favorite movie. So pardon you if you guys don't get the reference

Shannon  25:00  
I'm sorry, we're old.

Christine  25:02  
But you know what the as you said, though, Shannon, because there are so many different families out there, there usually is an example that you can tell your kids and your kids will relate to a family member or friend, a friend family that there's close to. So if your child can handle more than one story, by all means, tell them

Shannon  25:22  
 right? So tell your personal stories, don't lie to your kids, and don't make it some weird Harry Potter thing. Then what happens then, like, you know, I'm guessing that that's somewhere in like the, you know, like maybe four to 567 year old range. Once these kids are maybe towards like the later end of elementary school getting closer towards Middle School, what comes next in the in the series of talks?

Christine  25:49  
Well, one thing I do have to mention, they say like around six to eight, six to nine, you do have to start talking about Internet safety. Because they go on the computers now. I mean, look, all these kids now in schools are hitting iconic computers, but but a lot of school districts, iPads are being handed out, you know, there's so many and there's so much more proficient than I can ever hope to be. So it's good to take you know, you might come across adult things you might come across things that you're curious about, come to me and talk about it. Because as much as caregivers want to think they can block everything. You can't. Another thing I know this is might be a tough one, you do have to start revisiting masturbation again, because kids are learning more about the pleasure in their bodies, and if they're on the internet, things might be happening. And it's good to say reiterate normal, normal, normal, it's okay if it feels good once again, let's bring in the feelings and also talk about privacy. And yes, talk about hygiene because yeah, especially you know, say especially with boys hygiene is important.

Shannon  27:01  
But let me just say that masturbation was not ever talked about with me in any format until my peers started talking about it and I will tell you that my middle school boyfriend can we call them that was the one that like was the great bearer of truth for everyone because he had a sister that was like 12 years older than him so he just like was ahead of the curve with knowing everything quote unquote, but his definition and I'll never forget that because I thought it was so funny was specifically masturbation is when boys just boys specifically masturbation is with boys use oil to touch them. For some reason, oil

Christine  27:44  
well, you know, lubricant is a good idea. Once again, cross generational

Shannon  27:50  
vegetable. Coconut oil, I just remember that that was like his insistence and when we said does there have to be oil like there was no gray area it was a yes, you must so you will shout out to to that but that wasn't maybe like six or seven grade but yeah, that's that's what I remember those the extent of my conversation. So yeah, maybe it would be good to tell kids that it's not only okay, but also it doesn't require oil.

Christine  28:21  
Though, I will say as you get older oil is good. lube is good, but not oil, not oil. This

Shannon  28:26  
kid knew what lubricant was, I think the extent of his understanding was oil.

Christine  28:33  
Like I want to just take a real world experience. A young kids, you take them to get ice cream, right? And they like the ice cream and it feels good. It doesn't just feel good because it tastes good. It feels good because it's cold on a hot day. That's pleasure. So pleasure doesn't have to be a scary word to talk about

Shannon  28:47  
right? With right? I think both pleasure has been kind of conflated into a sexual thing. But something being pleasurable is not innately sensual. It's just like Yes, I like this ice cream. Thank you. So it's not just body parts that we're talking about here with with these series of talks, it's also just openness and honesty, and inclusion and using the right language and you know, de-stigmatizing some of the language right so that things like pleasure are allowed to be said things like masturbation are allowed to be said, vulva is led said not just allowed, like, just use it just come out loud. It's actually just what it's called.

Christine  29:25  
And it's it's just conversation now. It's not like, oh, let's let's go and let's go in the corner and talk about this conversation. It's a conversation. That's kind of the whole theme here is that openness, honesty, inclusion. And this theme should continue as your kids get older, because if you don't start young, and you start talking to your teenagers, they're not going to be open talking to you. They're not going to be feeling comfortable around this whole issue of their body. Also, this next age is really when you kind of talk when I talk about differences you want Talk about different attractions, maybe start getting more into the conversation about the spectrum of gender identification, how people feel in how they identify, and that it's not about parts, that it's about how people feel in their skin.

Shannon  30:16  
Right. So we're conversations about gender identity and sexual

Christine  30:20  
attraction. And, and we'll talk more about sexual attraction, you know, obviously next week, but when you're talking to teenagers, hopefully, if you have had these open and honest conversations, as your kids were young, by the time they're teenagers, and actually starting to think about the specifics of sexual activity, they can ask you, and they can say,

Unknown Speaker  30:43  
right, at this point, you've laid the groundwork, that's the hope, right, is that you've laid the groundwork to be able to just continue to build on these conversations. And just to, to go back to talking about gender identity and sexual orientation, we will talk about this in a future episode, but promise you having any sort of chats about that would have definitely definitely helped me with figuring out my own relationship to sex and sexuality and healthy, healthy relationships and boundaries, you know, because it wasn't talked about, and it was very much like figure it out on your own. And that, yeah, it delays the process, frankly, like it took me a long, long, long, long, long, long, long time to be comfortable with my sexuality and where I'm at. And that's in part because the conversation was had so I had to have it with myself.

Christine  31:29  
Well, and you know, full circle to the Netherlands model. And, and in some way, right now, I'm kind of completing conflating preteens and teens, because I just think it's, it's, it's all geared to what your kid is ready for. But in the Netherlands model, kids can actually talk to their caregivers and say, um, I have a boyfriend now or a girlfriend now. And I'm thinking about having sex and actually have that conversation. Could you imagine having that conversation, but having having that space be so safe? Yeah, that that conversation is just another part of growing up kind of like, thinking of joining the soccer team, you know, and it becomes some I'm

Shannon  32:05  
gonna start experimenting with the mathletes.

Christine  32:09  
I mean, who are awesome, right?

Shannon  32:11  
You say is a former mathlete? Um, yeah. I mean, it's good to know that there is a good model to follow in that it has been successful in the Netherlands. So I think we're kind of close to talking about the teenage years now. And so then that's where the conversation I think, always has to go to birth control and safe sex to your point, because one of the conversations that obviously is had when you say I'm thinking about having sex, the next thing should be safe sex, right?

Christine  32:36  
Yeah. And I think that's actually probably the one that caregivers are more most comfortable with, you know, use a condom, get on the pill, do those things. But let's, let's take it a step further. Because once again, if you talk about only that, you're talking about body parts, but safe sex is about being ready. Yeah, hey, sex is also about Are you ready to make the step? Are you emotionally ready? Are you psychologically ready? Right? Do you feel like this is the right relationship? Right?

Shannon  33:04  
Is this a choice that you're making for you? Or is it peer pressure? Is it you know, because it's, quote, unquote, been a long time in your relationship, like things like that. And I know, for teenagers, especially, right, like peer pressure is a big thing sexually or otherwise, it's just there's a lot of pressure to conform. And to say yes, even if you don't want to say yes, so I think that's such a good point. But safe sex is not just contraception, safe sex is psychological and emotional and mental well being too.

Christine  33:30  
And it's about making that once again, Affirmative. Yes. Like, do you want to do this? Does it is it not something your pressure to is it not something that you want to have your social status elevated? But do you want it and I think that is, as I said, if you've done it all up to this point, with any luck, you will be the resource you as a caregiver, you as the as you wherever, you know, every kid needs a resource that they can feel comfortable talking to? And hopefully after listening to us chat about it, maybe you'll feel a little less daunted by having a series of conversations instead of that talk.

Shannon  34:09  
Well here's the question. When do you have to talk like I don't mean at which age I'm you actually sit down with your kid and make sure they're not distracted and be like, we need to talk about this let's go.

Christine  34:23  
The car

Shannon  34:25  
car The car is a trap. You can't listen. Anyone who's sitting out here who has a kid or young adult do not get into the car if there's no reason if you're if your mom or your parent or your caregiver or your family members like let's just go for a ride don't do it it's a it's a trap or or my tell for serious conversations was wondering an appetizer. Or when you told me my hamster died you let me get an extra large frosty at Wendy's and that's how I knew man the jig is up. But But I hear you it's like it's it's when they're available, right?

Christine  34:58  
It's when they're available and that that Important thing with teenagers is be available. Kids talk on their own time kids ask you questions. ask you about Atlantis more set on their own time. Bla car, I back to the car.

Shannon  35:14  
turn me off the cars for life. That's fair. Yeah. So no big talk. Lots of little talks, lots of little conversations not unlike what this podcast is really right. While you are correct sex ed debunked is a series of little talks, some more weighted than others, but just ongoing talk so that it's not just the talk. It's a it's conversations and conversations that help move you forward

Christine  35:39  
through Can I say, I know you want to another myth put to bed.

Shannon  35:46  
There it is. Next time, we're gonna talk more about sexual attraction and orientation. So if you have any interesting quote unquote, coming out stories, we'd love to hear them. Follow us. message us DMS. Whatever your pleasure, sex ed debunked on all social channels, or you can always shoot us a message at sex ed debunked at gmail.

Christine  36:07  
Thanks for listening. We'll talk to you again soon. Bye. 

Thanks for tuning in for this week's episode of sex ed debunked. During the course of our podcast, we have limited time together, which means that unfortunately, many identities, groups and movements may not be represented each week. The field of sexuality and gender orientations, identities and behaviors are changing and growing rapidly, and we remain committed to being as inclusive as possible.

Shannon  36:37  
Please remember that all of us, including us, are learning in this area and may occasionally slip up. We ask that we all continue to be kind to one another so that we can create a truly inclusive and accepting environment. As always, if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to reach out to us at sex ed debunked on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. Sex Ed debunked is produced by trailblaze Media along with myself Shannon Curley and Christine Curley from trailblaze Media. Our engineering is handled by Ezra Winters

Transcribed by https://otter.ai