How does porn affect us? And are people becoming “addicted” to it? Today, we’re going to begin a four-part series on the science of porn to better understand its effects. For our first show, we’re going to discuss why different studies of porn have yielded different conclusions, why porn shouldn’t be thought of as addictive in the same way that drugs are, whether there’s a link between porn and sexual violence, as well as how we can have more productive conversations about porn...
Apr 14, 2023•34 min•Ep. 184
Although the Southern United States is often seen as a bastion for conservative sexual values, it has a very deep and rich sexual history worth exploring, especially when you consider a city like Atlanta. Often described as “the strip club capital of America,” Atlanta has long been a home to sex work, as well as LGBTQ nightlife. And these “vice” establishments actually played a vital role in the city’s tremendous growth, both as a place to live and visit. In today’s show, we’re going...
Apr 11, 2023•30 min•Ep. 183
Until 1960, sodomy was illegal throughout the entire United States. While this technically made oral and anal sex illegal for everyone, these laws were largely enforced only when sodomy occurred between persons of the same sex. Sodomy laws have since been repealed in most states and, since 2003, they are no longer enforceable anywhere in the country. But does this mean that sodomy laws are gone for good? In the wake of the Roe v Wade reversal, one Supreme Court justice called to revisit the issu...
Apr 07, 2023•31 min•Ep. 182
Nationally representative surveys of North American adults have found that about 1 in 5 people say they’ve been in a sexually open relationship at some point, with an even larger number expressing interest in this relationship style. So what makes people more vs. less interested in consensual non-monogamy (CNM)? In today’s show, we’re going to look at how different attachment styles are related to CNM interest and experience. We’re also going to explore the roots of the stigma against sexu...
Apr 04, 2023•30 min•Ep. 181
A 2023 nationally representative survey of 1,000 American adults conducted by YouGov inquired about people’s attitudes toward various forms of non-monogamy and found that most adults tend to view it negatively no matter what form it takes, from open relationships to swinging to polyamory. Why is consensual non-monogamy viewed in such a negative light? In part, it’s because people hold a lot of misconceptions about it. So let’s take a look at fact versus fiction when it comes to consensually non-...
Mar 31, 2023•31 min•Ep. 180
Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men are increasingly finding sexual partners through apps such as Grindr. These apps haven’t just changed the way people find partners, though, they’ve also changed queer men and gay culture in major ways, some of which have been positive, while others have been negative. So let’s talk about the good, bad, and ugly of gay hookup apps. I am joined once again by Zachary Zane , a Brooklyn-based sex writer. He is the sex and relationship columnist...
Mar 28, 2023•36 min•Ep. 179
While the term “safe sex” might imply that there’s a perfectly safe way to have sex, there’s always going to be some degree of risk, both physical and emotional. Whenever you have sex, you’re making a choice about the level of risk you’re willing to take on in order to experience the pleasures of sex. Everyone has a different risk tolerance, though, which is why we all make different choices. However, we have a tendency to shame everyone who has a different risk tolerance, whether it’...
Mar 24, 2023•35 min•Ep. 178
How do we prevent sex crimes from happening in the first place? Today, we’re going to talk about some of the things that do (and don’t) work. This is the second episode in a two-part series about sexual offending. In the previous show , we discussed what motivates people to sexually offend, so now that we have a sense of that, let’s discuss issues of treatment and prevention. Dr. Michael Seto is back for this episode. He is a registered clinical and forensic psychologist and a ...
Mar 21, 2023•32 min•Ep. 177
Why do people commit sex crimes? We often hear that they’re not really motivated by sex and, instead, that they’re about power and control. However, it’s more complex than that, and understanding that complexity is key to preventing these crimes from happening in the first place. So let’s talk about. This is the first episode in a two-part series on the psychology of sexual offending and what we can do to stop it. Today, we’ll focus on the why question. In the next ...
Mar 17, 2023•30 min•Ep. 176
The stereotype we often hear about singles in the popular media is that they’re sad. In reality, however, a lot of them are thriving and living their best lives, which we talked all about in the previous episode . But being single isn’t sunshine and rainbows for everyone, though. For some, being single just sucks. So let’s talk about it. In this episode, we’re going take a look at when and why people struggle with single life and the factors that can make it a negative experien...
Mar 14, 2023•32 min•Ep. 175
The number of American adults living single has been on the rise for years. Part of this increase has been driven by a growing number of folks who simply prefer the single life. And, for them, being single can be awesome. At the same time, though, some singles don’t want to be single and they’re pretty miserable. So let’s talk about the good, bad, and ugly of singlehood. I have a two-part series for you on what it’s like to be single today. In this episode we’re going to ...
Mar 10, 2023•30 min•Ep. 174
In the previous episode, we talked all about the pelvic floor , including what it is, the important role it plays in sexual function, as well as what you need to know about Kegel exercises. Today, we’re going to be continuing our conversation on pelvic health by exploring the world of pelvic floor physical therapy. Pelvic floor therapy can potentially help to resolve everything from painful intercourse in women to erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation in men. So how do you know whether ...
Mar 07, 2023•25 min•Ep. 173
The pelvic floor is a super important set of muscles that plays a vital role in sexual, reproductive, urinary, and bowel function. However, most of us don’t know all that much about it, which is a shame because paying attention to your pelvic health has the potential to improve your overall health and give you a boost in the bedroom, too. So, let’s talk about what everyone needs to know about their pelvic floor! For today’s episode, I am joined by Dr. Alicia Jeffrey-Thomas, an experi...
Mar 03, 2023•26 min•Ep. 172
A lot of people struggle with sexual initiation. In fact, this is one of the most common topics that readers and listeners ask me about! So why is sexual initiation so hard, and what can we do to make it easier? Let’s talk about it! For today’s show, I am joined once again by Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy, as well as Xander Marin, a self-described “regular dude” who left a cushy career in tech once he realized it was more fun to talk abou...
Feb 28, 2023•28 min•Ep. 171
When it comes to navigating romantic relationships, the struggle is real. So why are relationships so hard? And is it possible to make things a little easier? Let’s talk about it! Today’s episode is all about “love signals,” or the signs you should be paying attention to. Specifically, we’re going to discuss relationship red flags and green flags, how to avoid moving too fast or too slow, how to know when someone is genuinely interested in you, and how to avoid sabo...
Feb 24, 2023•32 min•Ep. 170
So much sex advice can be boiled down to just one thing: communication. But how exactly should you communicate about sex? And what are the things you need to communicate about? In this episode, we’re going to discuss the five “sex talks” that partners in every relationship should have. We’ll explore how to get started, tips for navigating each of these conversations, as well as what to do when a conversation about sex turns into a fight. For today’s show, I am joined by Vanessa...
Feb 21, 2023•35 min•Ep. 169
There’s a pretty big gap between fantasy and reality. In my own research, I’ve found that about 80% of adults say they have a fantasy they’d like to act out at some point, but just about 20% have ever done so before. I’ve also found that only about half of adults say they’ve ever even shared this fantasy with a partner. So how can we get more comfortable talking about our fantasies and incorporating them into our sex lives? In this episode, we’re going to discuss what you...
Feb 17, 2023•25 min•Ep. 168
A lot of us have had the experience of dating the “wrong” person over and over again. It’s just one unhealthy relationship after another. So why is it so common for people to find themselves in these repetitive relationship cycles? It’s often the result of our attachment style . In this episode, we’re going to dive into attachment theory to help you better understand the four main attachment styles, how to identify your own and that of the people you’re dating, as w...
Feb 14, 2023•28 min•Ep. 167
It’s common for people in long-term relationships to get out of synch when it comes to sex. This can happen for a ton of reasons, from changes in health and hormones to relationship conflict to stress and so much more. But no matter the reason, it’s never too late to do a sex life “reset!” If sex has decreased, disappeared, or become less satisfying in your relationship, this episode is for you. We’re going to discuss how to identify your desires, how to communicate them to a partner...
Feb 10, 2023•31 min•Ep. 166
How do you feel about your sexual fantasies? Research tells us that many people feel alone in their sexual turn-ons, thinking that their fantasies are strange or unusual. In fact, this is why one of the most common questions I get asked as a sex educator is: “are my fantasies normal?” As you’ll see in this episode, odds are that the things you’re fantasizing about are likely quite similar to the kinds of things that most other people are fantasizing about too, which means there’s no ...
Feb 07, 2023•29 min•Ep. 165
There’s an interesting paradox in modern relationships where, if there’s too much jealousy, that can cause a lot of problems. At the same time, though, if there isn’t enough jealousy, that can also lead to problems. So let’s talk about this complicated emotion. In today’s episode, we’re going to explore the good, bad, and ugly of jealousy, how to cope with this emotion in healthy ways, and things you can do to help a partner who might be especially prone to jealousy. I am...
Feb 03, 2023•32 min•Ep. 164
Despite the fact that I write and talk about sex all day, I don’t actually watch a lot of movies and TV shows about sex because it often feels too much like work! However, every so often a film or show about sex comes along that I really enjoy because it’s both entertaining and gets the story right. And the new documentary A Sexplanation, billed as “ a comedic sex ed documentary about the universal search for love, connection and self-acceptance ,” does just that. For todayR...
Jan 31, 2023•55 min•Ep. 163
Many of us have a mold for what romantic relationships “should” look like, and then we try to make our own relationships fit that. But, no matter how hard we try, sometimes it just doesn’t fit. And that’s because we’re going about relationships all wrong. Instead of building relationships on a set of things you think you’re “supposed” to do, we need to build them on the actual wants and needs of the partners. One way you can give your relationship a custom design is with the concept ...
Jan 27, 2023•35 min•Ep. 162
One of the most popular articles on the Sex and Psychology blog is about the psychology of facials , a sexual act in which one person ejaculates on another person’s face. This behavior is one of many kinds of performative sexuality often seen in porn. Facials in particular have sparked a lot of debate because some people see this behavior as inherently degrading, especially when a woman is on the receiving end of it. So in today’s episode, we’re going to dive into the psychology of f...
Jan 24, 2023•37 min•Ep. 161
One of the key principles embedded in many models of sexual consent is that consent must be specific. In other words, you need to know exactly what it is that you’re saying yes to. This also means you need to know in advance what it is that you want. However, we often don’t know what we want when it comes to sex, which makes navigating this issue rather tricky for everyone, but especially for women. Consenting to that which is unknown can be highly erotic, but it can be really risky, especially ...
Jan 20, 2023•48 min•Ep. 160
As many as 1 in 3 college students in the United States may be participating in “slut pages.” Slut pages are part of a digital underground world in which nude or partially nude photos and videos of women are shared without their consent. These pages are sometimes a form of revenge porn, but they can also be a twisted game in which people are awarded points for obtaining nude photos of specific women. So how common are slut pages? Why do people participate in them? And how can we stop onlin...
Jan 17, 2023•37 min•Ep. 159
Relationships are hard. But they can be especially hard when you or a partner are dealing with depression. In this episode, we’re going to explore how mental health issues like depression can pose unique relationship challenges, but also consider practical tips and tools for overcoming them, including how to be a supportive partner when you’re with someone who is depressed. I am joined once again by JoEllen Notte, a writer, speaker, and mental health advocate whose work explores the ...
Jan 10, 2023•33 min•Ep. 158
As a sex educator, one of the most common questions I get from parents is when and how to talk to their kids about sex. When should these conversations begin? And what do you need to know to successfully navigate them? Let’s talk about “the talk!” In this show, we’re going to explore tips on how to normalize conversations about sex, sexuality, and relationships with your kids and give them the resources and skills they need to make healthy decisions and to lead happy and ...
Jan 03, 2023•36 min•Ep. 157
What can you do to build stronger and healthier relationships in the New Year with everyone in your life? Let’s talk about it! In today’s episode, we’re going to discuss a wide range of relationships, starting with friendships, including how you can have an easier time both making and maintaining friends. We’re also going to talk about tips for starting new romantic connections (including how to get better at online dating), tips for strengthening romantic relationships new and...
Dec 27, 2022•33 min•Ep. 156
The end of another year is rapidly approaching, and that means a lot of people are soon going to start making resolutions for self-improvement. Oftentimes, those resolutions revolve around improving one’s physical health through exercise and diet, or bettering one’s mental health through finding better work-life balance or setting new boundaries. However, as you ponder your own resolutions for the new year, consider resolving to have better sex. With the right set of sexual resolutions, you can ...
Dec 20, 2022•32 min•Ep. 155
