Let's get the ball rolling today. Good morning. Those of you who have been coming since January know that we have a theme this year. And the theme is what? Stage, not age, right? Our age is really irrelevant when it comes to decision making, when it comes to anything, really. Our age is irrelevant. What's more important is our stage of life and our circumstances that go with that.
And so I may be in my 50s going through something very similar to someone else who's in their 80s or in their 30s. It's all about what stage of life we are in. So just a reminder to everybody as we talk. This was adapted from the book, Stage Not Age. It's a marketing book, not something you may or may want to pick up. I don't know. But the reason I put it up here is to remind everybody that we are having more...
stages in our life because we have more what in our life? More age in our life, right? So our longevity has been extended in many cases. And there are a lot of people who have what she refers to as bonus years. And because of those bonus years, that means we're going to have more stages that we go through in life. And so as a result of that... Every time we enter a new stage, we also enter what? A transition. Is there anybody in transition right now? In any area of your life in transition?
Yeah, go ahead, and if you didn't raise your hand, go ahead and raise it right now. Because I promise you that there is not one single solitary soul that is not in transition of some sort. Some of you are just in denial of it. Or oblivious to it. Denial is an active thing. You know it, but choose not to accept it. Oblivion is a passive thing. You just don't realize it. Does that make sense? So as we talk today, as our panelists go through this conversation, I want you to keep one thing in mind.
Change happens. Fact of life, yes? Fact of life. Change happens. We think we're going straight down this path, whatever path that is, and then all of a sudden we get... A curve thrown at us, yeah? And that curve is a what? Change, which creates a transition. And the transition is a choice. You can be positive about it and look forward to navigating it, or you can be in denial of it and not do well at navigating it. But either way, it is all about your... Brain.
your mind and how you think about change and how you think about transition. And that's what today's talk is really about. We can talk about nuts and bolts, and we do that a lot in these seminars. Today we're going to talk about mindset. and how our mindset affects some of the decisions we make as we are making transitions particularly in later life stages just really quick let's define that what is a later life stage
Somebody throw one out there for me. Retirement. Retirement. Except for Cynthia, we don't use that word anymore, right? Because retirement means you're going to do nothing, which we know that that's not true. Everybody goes to do something, so it's a... transition from work to not work or paid work to maybe a different kind of paid work. Yeah, perfect. Good. What else? Grandparenting. Grandparenting. Good. What else?
We might have health issues. We might have health issues we're dealing with. Good. What other kinds of stages might be going through? Traveling. Traveling. Sure. Caregiving. Yes. Good. Okay, so all kinds of transitions. So when you think about what transitions are and what life stages are, come on up. Curtis, Julie, Jennifer, come join me. Let's give our panelists a round of applause. These folks are...
Some of the best in business. And I'm going to tell you a little bit more about them as they come up. We originally, this original plan, was to be talking about transition.
Home, money, and mindset. And that's what we're going to be talking about today. Home, money, and mindset. Julie, you're on the far left. Yep, Jennifer, you're here next to me. Yep, perfect. And the reason that... these amazing people were selected is because they deal with this every day in their businesses right just like we do in our real estate practice they deal with it in their respective practices and
When I ask them to think about mindset and how mindset affects transitions, particularly as it comes from their perspective, It's a different way for us to talk about this, right? It's one thing to say, go do an estate plan, right? It's another thing to say, here's why people don't do an estate plan, or here's why people might do an estate plan. So we'll be talking about those.
You can write your questions down on your note sheets. And for those of you who are new, when we reach about the top of the hour, about 11 o'clock, we'll transition to questions. And you'll have the opportunity to ask for questions of the panel as well. So if we don't get to something that you're curious about, make sure you write that question down. So I'm going to start out by asking these guys to introduce themselves. So Jennifer.
Introduce yourself by sharing with us your current role, your experience in that role, and some interesting or fun fact about you that people will remember. Okay, good morning. Okay, there we go. My name is Jennifer Wright. I know a lot of you already, thankfully, and I'm an attorney with Wright Law Firm. I opened my own law firm in Edmond about two and a half years ago, and I've been... practicing law for 19 years with a focus in state planning for most of that time, so for most of my career.
A fun and interesting fact about me that you may not know is that I am actually just a couple of credit hours short of having an associate's degree in viticulture and etnology.
What is that? That is the study of growing grapes and making wine. Really? Yes. Growing grapes and making wine? Yes. And so my husband and I, before we had kids, um had a dream and goal about opening our own vineyard and winery and when we went through the classes we decided that we really enjoyed drinking the wine more than we would enjoy
being farmers, which essentially is what you are when you're growing grapes. I love it. I have no idea. That is awesome. Very good. I can't help but share this because it comes to mind, but I read somewhere that Oklahoma was one of the major grape... producers prior to prohibition. Who knew? So same for you, Curtis. I am Curtis Cain. I'm a trust officer with Harvest Bank here in Oakland City. I've been in this business 28 years. I've been with Harvest for 18 years.
in March. I hope this is an interesting fact. Anybody ever heard of Kane's Coffee? My grandfather founded that early in the last century, about 1915, when he got out of the Navy. Bought it when he went to work, when he got out of the Navy, working for a company called Western Tea and Spices, ended up buying it, and that was the beginning of Kane's Coffee. But here's what I think is fun. Through a series of random events...
I learned on Tuesday that I'm going to be receiving as a gift the original roaster that he started his business with over 100 years ago. Isn't that cool? Yeah, that's very cool. And, yeah, how many of you would be interested in I would be? He's told me part of his story. I have told Curtis I would like to record his story about his family and the Canes coffee.
kind of story. How many of y'all would be interested in that? So if we recorded that, we'll give that out to everybody and make sure that that lands on our trade series website for you guys. It's a great story. Thanks, Curtis. All right, cool. Julie? Awesome. Well, my name is Julie Davis. I work with the Concordia Life Plan community. I have been with them for a little over 10 years, just barely. And I've been in the industry for over 20 years.
I really enjoy what I get to do. Current role, I work as a marketing project manager, so I really focus more on our digital... presence as far as our website and all of that kind of stuff, but my real heart was working with families and I got to do that for the majority of my career and it's really helped me in the communication that we choose to do with. our folks and many materials that we produce, especially in the early transition. Exactly. Absolutely.
um and obviously the life my own personal life and as far as interesting facts i'm going to pivot i'm not sure what i said i was going to share so um but i will say um i found this interesting so maybe y'all will too I learned that we have a family member on my dad's side that actually was in the House of Representatives for the Republic of Texas and has a historical marker.
on those things. It's not about me specifically, but about my family. I did not know that. That's very interesting. And I didn't know that until recently. So Julie, fun fact for the audience that you may not even remember, but Julie was one of our founders of the Senior Living Truth Series. She was involved in the very first focus group that we did and helped me decide.
how I've launched this and how I've been before. So thank you for that. You're welcome. All right, cool. Let's take them around. So now we know who they are. They're built human beings with real lives.
them but they have very important roles in my humble opinion when it comes to transition and particularly people who are dealing with issues related to late in life challenges so Let's start, Jennifer, with... I don't know about you, but I have found that people have a tendency to sometimes put off things. that are important. So in all seriousness, what is your experience as it relates to the people you serve in regard to the time that people take to plan?
if they're going to plan and not wait until a crisis occurs to take action talk to me about the process how long does it take them what are the challenges mindset wise that go with that sure so You know, I think the first thing you mentioned, like once people decide that it's time to plan, so sometimes it takes a long time to get to that part if we're talking about time frames.
but once they make that decision that they're ready to do some planning you know what that looks like as far as estate planning is you know there's going to be some information gathering the information that we would need in order to get that estate plan started so those are the kinds of things that you want to be thinking about when you start thinking about doing estate planning
is what are your concerns and your goals with your estate plan because that's not going to be the same for every person some people are focused on. passing on a legacy to their children. Some people are more concerned about avoiding any taxes as much as possible. Other people are concerned about how would I pay for nursing home care if we have to go into a nursing home. So that's going to make those plans look different. Another thing to think about when you start.
going into that planning process is who are the people that you're going to to name to help with
the things that you're going to need when you go through those transitions. So if there comes a time that you're not able to make those medical decisions for yourself, who's going to step in and make those decisions for you and so I think a lot of times people are hesitant to do planning because they feel like they're somehow giving up control but you're actually taking control because you are making that decision.
rather than somebody having to file something on the court and a judge that you don't even know is making that decision. So the mindset that you're describing is the person who thinks that by doing this estate plan and naming people and getting these things in place, I'm actually giving up control. We're really not taking control. Right, yes. And I think that, you know, in my...
career. I have spent a lot of time talking to people about that because a lot of people do come in with that mindset. Not everyone, but I've seen it quite a bit where people feel like
If I put these plans in place, I'm not going to have any control over my assets anymore, and I'm not going to be able to do these things for myself. And it's not that at all. It's just that you're setting your... self up for success because you're going to have those people in place so that when something does happen, it doesn't become a crisis situation.
So can I just point out what she said? I don't know if you guys caught it. She didn't say if something happens. She said what? When something happens. And let's be honest, there's a denial there. Right? That nothing's ever going to happen to me. I'm just going to die quietly in my sleep and my family's going to deal with it when I'm gone. And how many people does that actually happen to? Not many. Yeah. Right? Yeah. There's at least some short period of time, if not long period of time that...
Somebody may need to be you for... Right. Right. And that's what I'm talking about. So it was interesting mindset-wise really on this topic, and then I'll go to the next ones too. We've got lots of things to cover on this, but Jennifer, what hit me when you said that... was my dad's mindset was he couldn't do his estate planning because he wasn't quite sure how he was going to divvy up the $25 that's left when he passes to me and my step siblings. Right? Yeah.
Yeah, we're not talking about a huge estate here. It's modest, and I'm joking about it's $25, but it's modest. And he battled with that, and so therefore he put it off for years.
And I kept saying to my dad, if something happens to you, this is going to be really hard on us to deal with your things that you have, yeah. And, you know, that's part of what we do or, you know, whoever... you're talking to and getting advice from as far as your state plan is we can work through those questions with you so you're not on an island having to make all of these decisions and think through these things yourself we're gonna
Talk through that with you and see what makes sense. And a lot of times we'll talk through different scenarios. And I call it this what if, what if this happens? And what if this happens? And sometimes it's things. that people may not have considered before but that's part of the planning process too. And so start to finish, how fast can someone finish an estate plan if they came in and let you walk them through the questions and knocked it out?
Yeah, so typically what we do is we will send that questionnaire to you to fill out. come in and meet with me if we can get through all the information that i need to prepare your plan we will go ahead and schedule a date for you come back and sign your documents and usually that's about two to three weeks from the date that we meet so we try and get things done if somebody's motivated to get their planning done we want to try and get it done you know as quickly as possible
We've done a much quicker turnaround if we are in a crisis situation and we need to help somebody out more quickly. But again, that's not ideal because then people are having to make decisions. too quickly so and they're usually not their own decisions right all right yeah um so presumably i'm just going to project here but there may be some people in the room who just got terrified by that
Like when I go in and meet with her, if I have my documents done, it could be two or three weeks and I could be signing on the dotted line. And there is a certain amount of anxiety for the people who don't know what that looks like.
And so putting your mind at ease, Chris and I did ours. We signed our documents and everything, and we set up an appointment for his parents and my dad, and they all did theirs too. And it was pretty painless, actually, way less painless than going to the physician, I'm just saying. Way less painful. And they just make it really easy because they do it every day. We not do it every day, but you do it every day.
So timeline-wise, Curtis, this is a question again. I'm just going to reread the question. What is your experience as it relates to the people you serve as a trust officer in regard to the time it takes people to plan? That is, if they're going to plan and not wait until a crisis occurs. What do you see people doing in terms of their planning for getting their affairs managed?
Human nature is an interesting thing. I know the male species better than the female, obviously, but when it comes to things that give us immediate reward and pleasure, we're keen to land vacations, dinner out. You know, how many of you guys that play golf that'll stay up till midnight to make sure you get the first team time at Lincoln Park, right? But people who want to think more long-term and more permanent tend to procrastinate. They know there'll be time for that.
Or, you know, there's any variety of reasons. I think fear of the unknown, and I think also, speaking to the male species, we want to get it right the first time, like we only get one crack at it.
That's a myth because doing nothing is certainly a terrible default, but at least doing something you're going to be able to fill in many of the gaps that may exist in your... in your planning and then those can evolve and you'll i think we'll get into the idea of when to start and things of that sort but i just deal with a lot of people who procrastinate now interestingly enough my
94-year-old clients are a little more intent on getting these things wrapped up and put it above than my 44-year-old clients, right? So I think people have this idea that they can push it out until they kind of come to some decisions. The truth is we need to make those decisions now, but understand that they can change, right? And you don't have to make any, these aren't necessarily permanent decisions. They can, you know, there's...
should be an opportunity to let that evolve as life evolves and life plays out. So, you know, the issue we run into is I describe myself as an advisor. I give the best advice I can and then I rely on the person sitting in the other chair to decide what to do with it. But my advice doesn't change just because they don't decide to take action on it.
So everybody can intellectually accept the recommendation and everybody can nod their head and accept intellectually that it's time to get with Jennifer or someone like Jennifer and get it done, but then they don't execute. so that's the hard part so my job unfortunately i tell people i go now if it's okay with you i'm going to follow up with you in a couple of months and see if you've called jennifer or call you know whoever the attorney is or cpa or whoever because we do a lot of different
We're working with business succession planning, legacy planning, and retirement planning, all those sorts of things. So whatever it is, I offer out to be that voice that's always going to remind him and tap him on the shoulder and go. You need to make sure to stay stopped at the top of mind because the longer you wait, the fewer your options and the narrower your solutions.
So, Curtis, I'm just going to say I'm a little bit disappointed and hurt that I haven't received one of those phone calls having me recently to say, you know what I mean? Because if anybody has their act together, it's she and Chris. I think I'm overdue on a couple things, as I'm saying, so I like that phone call. Don't assume I have my stuff together. Because we can assume they all have theirs together too, but I can assure you I know that some of you do not.
So, no, good case in point. So, the people who are ready, like you said, it can happen pretty quickly. It's getting ready to get ready that takes a while, yeah. And the health of it can cause it or a crisis can cause it. No, it's not pleasant. It's not necessarily a pleasant topic. But I can tell you, my wife and I did ours over a decade ago. Both our sons were miners at the time.
So it's pretty critical. Me and one of my children are minors and we're empty nesters and things like that. And we've revisited it as life has changed. But other than writing the check, which is...
the reality of getting professional services, the rest of it. And even now, we knew what we were getting into. But the point is, I felt great relief in knowing that I've taken care of business so that if I'm the first one to... for lack of a better term check out there won't be chaos for the rest of my family i've seen that i mean i've seen that in 28 years of doing this i've seen that and the last thing i want to go to my grave
If you have anything in your mind, you're good. You're great. But the last thing, it tears me up to think that when I walk, when I leave this earth, that someone would go, he left us a service to deal with. Why didn't he do that? because I see that happen and it's kind of tragic and it's really not necessary. I had at least two family members in this past couple of years that left, not me personally, but my extended family members in a mess.
And nobody knew it was going to be a mess until it was a mess. So Julie, what is your experience in terms of timing? You know, the time it takes people to plan. from the senior living or lifestyle aspect move don't move doesn't matter but making a decision one way or the other time what does that look like yeah so um our situation's a little bit different um in that it's not may be considered as transactional because it is a lifestyle decision and so it's a little bit different than a
service or a product that you might like something that you have as a result when you're done, right? So I think the, I call it the shopping process. Okay. let's talk about this and let's go look around and see what we can find and get some information okay so we've got people that are planners they decide to do that or maybe their neighbors moved and they're curious and they go visit and they're like huh that's interesting
I tell people it can take up to five years for some people to actually make a uniform. Sure. Because they have to process and their timing and, you know, dealing with the things that some of them they have. talked about you know they want to get those things in order you know those kinds of thought processes but i think the thing that i think is an important factor here is that we we know that in in
probably less than five years one in four people are going to be able to be age 65. We also know that people that are in that bucket have moved from their homes oftentimes multiple times. They're not in a long-time home of 60 years where maybe their parents were. Some of them might be.
because Oklahoma is less transitional than some other places in the country. But I'm bringing this up because when people are in a position where they have decided to stay in their home, whether by denial or by choice,
And then if a crisis happens, they choose to move and they need to move immediately and there's no space. There's no place for them. So that decision-making process may take... couple of days you know if they're in a real situation crisis wise but then they have to add the days of shopping and figuring out what they're going to do because what they thought they were going to do doesn't work out right and there was no plan b
So the planners, what you're saying, it's not uncommon for it to take five years to make a plan. The non-planners, it's going to take a couple days to make a decision. And they're going to have to make the decision in a couple days because they don't know. Right, absolutely. That's a big spanking. Today's five years. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. That's the reality. It is the reality. It is the reality. Yeah. So I want to circle back to the types of transitions people are in.
Not just housing like obviously some people transition from one house to another is a big umbrella transition There are other transitions in life, too. Let's talk about that. What are you hoping? Besides just, I mean, the estate plan sounds so clear cut, right? Like you just come in and you've got a few documents to fill out and some fields to do and some questions to answer. What other transitions are people grappling with as part of that?
thinking process? Sure, so unfortunately sometimes in life things may not go the way that we thought they would go and so one of the transitions that I've seen even this week talking to a client who has his spouse health has significantly declined. They're actually very young, so early 60s. So they were just reaching the age of retirement when they were going to spend time traveling.
with their mindset was we're going to be transitioning into retirement and we're going to be able to travel but the reality of what happened is that now The husband is trying to figure out what long-term care options he has for his wife and how they're going to pay for that and things like that. So I think in planning we have to plan for different things that may happen because none of us can tell.
the future and what life is going to bring into our path. And so I think when we are thinking about planning, we need to think about all the potential things that may happen and even though you know that may not happen to us it's it's good to have some planning in place for those type of things Again, so you're not in a situation where you're in crisis mode and that's not a place that anybody wants to be. It's very difficult. Facing the what-ifs about anything is hard.
I made a comment. Mike Morgan was in the studio the other day when I did that interview on Channel 4. And he was standing off to one side and I thought, this is perfect. You know, planing is like Oklahoma and tornadoes, right? you know we all know where to go if there's tornado season and we're going to have storms and we hope to never have to go there but if we do we have a place to go and chris said he was back there mike was going back there yeah that's great that's right
But that's what you're saying is, like, let's create the plan and I hope we never really have to face some of the questions that we have to answer as part of the planning, yeah? Right. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. Sure. Just as you were talking, and some of you know the story and some of you don't, but my father was diagnosed with a brain tumor, GPM brain tumor, very unexpected.
okay so and i'm bringing this up because one of the things i think we're saying to have plans to have a plan a plan b to think about things to have things in order but there are some things you can't even begin to balance father said in his wisdom of all the things i thought i would die from a brain tumor wasn't one of them i don't think most of us think about that yeah but i'm bringing this up because what we did as a family
mindset-wise, is we gave space to have hard conversations. We gave space to pivot and have a plan and know that we needed one. They did their estate plan. They did have a trust. All those things were in place. But on top of that, we had a conversation so that when the crisis happened, we were in a space where we may not have had a plan for a brain tumor. That wasn't on our list, obviously.
But we had at least had enough of a conversation and a plan to know what to do next. And we're starting from scratch on, oh my gosh, you were supposed to play golf until you die. Like, die on the golf course. That was the plan. So, which you would have done if you could. And so you can't solve for the problem of the brain tumor, but you can solve for the problem. Okay, we talked about if something happened with your health, would you want to stay here?
Would you want to go live closer to your kids? Would you want these things? And that circumstance fell under some of those previous conversations. Exactly. And that goes back to what I was saying earlier about transactional versus... emotional or you know from that standpoint we're having conversations that are more about about how we feel our values right you know what we want to steward
Yeah, it's less pragmatic. And so for me, it's not about what to do with money. It's more about what would that money do. And I'm going to defer to Curtis on this because I know dealing with the financial stuff a lot. People are, you know, planning financially. Maybe they create a trust and they're looking ahead at if something were to happen. And what are some of the other things people are grappling with? Not just where they're going to live.
but what to do with their estate and who to manage their estate. And one of the things you brought up, at least I asked the question I'll claim to see, is special needs. People have kids or grandkids that maybe have disabilities or people who have a significant amount of wealth that they've built up.
And they're not really sure that their child or grandchild can handle that themselves. And they're questioning, you know, how do I make this work? Tactically, how do I make this work? What are some of the things people deal with in that agreement? All right, I'll try to use one barrette. You know, life is complicated enough, but then...
What the world delivers to us makes it more complicated. We, in the wealth management area, we've kind of recognized as an industry that there are at least 13 wealth management issues, and they can be anything ranging from your estate plan. to your risk management, to your business succession planning or selling and things like that. And statistically, you know, if there's any other attorneys, and Jennifer would probably...
agree with this too, but only about a third of the American adult population has done any of them. So again, it's getting that started. Well, it's like eating an elephant. You can't do it in one bite. When I sit down and we sit down with a client, we're going to sit down and we don't have a ready answer because we don't know enough about them. So it's asking them to tell us their story, and it's very intrusive.
but then it's a matter of just prioritizing the things that need to be dealt with perhaps that are going to give the greatest impact but as you know we've got listed these questions and my first note or kind of a reminder is
trying to simplify because life's so complicated let's think of things we can do that's going to simplify things i'm i'm an analogy guy i'm thinking of a juggler who's got 12 balls in the air can we get that down to six and after we get it down to six let's get it down to three
and just try and simplify and tackle these things. And some are going to give you more payback immediately than others, but it's a matter of just whittling it away because otherwise it's overwhelming. So I have a lot of people who are dealing with... We're juggling those 12 balls, and we say, all right, so what are you worried about? What's complicated? What do we need to deal with? And in fact, it's not all.
I was going to say it's less than half the time it's even financial. It's more, you know, situation of life. How am I going to deal with this? whether it's going to be moving into a different place, whether it's preparing to move to Orlando to be near a child or whatever, and then talking about strategies to get that done, and then bringing greater resources to help them do that again. We're not men of our age. We're not great at asking for help. We're self-sufficient. We're independent.
And we like to control things. Stubborn as crap. I mean, did I say that out loud? And I'm not letting ladies off the hook either because, I mean, there's, for whatever reason, that's just a human animal. So... The resources are out there, and you're looking at some, but there's plenty of resources out there. Villages, okay, see, you've got a pool, a community of people who have lived life and have had many of the same problems.
I've had issues, the balls in the air, so to speak. I'm not at that same stage of life that many of you are in. But I know people who are. I've had clients who have done it and we've crossed that bridge. So I don't have to reinvent the wheel. I can share with them anecdotally what other clients have done or other friends have done. Or when it came to my parents, how I helped them simplify life. So, you know, my big encouragement is sort of my phrase or a cliche that I share with people.
trying to sit down and figure out ways to simplify life that we're going to make the days that remain more pleasurable and less chaotic. So it's drawing them into that conversation and that mindset that I think are important. And there's a willingness to have the conversation that has to be there, right? The willingness for them to have the conversation with somebody. And most do. They've just been looking for the right time and the right place and the right person. Yeah.
And, you know, it's my pause in listening to you guys kind of talk is that regardless of what area of expertise you kind of have as your umbrella, real estate, legal, financial, housing. We all deal with those conversations, every conversation, right? I have to have conversations with people about their legal stuff.
Curtis has to have conversations with him about the legal stuff. That may not be our area of expertise, but we have to have those conversations to find out does that person need... resources in that area and so having that well-roundedness what i what i found and this is just a kind of side note to you guys as to why these are my favorite people is because not everyone in their respective fields
does that, by the way. There are some attorneys who just go, this is all I do. Don't talk to me about anything else. I don't want to talk to you about where you're going to live when you get older. That's not my area. I don't deal with that. And there are people who are in housing, senior living, who go, all I deal with is senior living, and I'm not here to talk to you about your estate planning issues. So if people are that compartmentalized, they're probably not your go-to people.
right i'm not going to give legal advice but i don't know when somebody needs legal advice i'm going to make sure that they get connected with that does that make sense okay um so guys let's talk about um what are some of the things that people can do in preparation. So let's say someone is still kind of contemplating, okay, I need to do an estate plan. I need to start looking at my tender living options. I need to consider whether or not my finances are going to last me until my end of days.
They're contemplating that. They haven't really taken steps to have those conversations. Give me very specific what does that look like. What do they do first? Who should they talk to first? It's a big project. There's 12 walls. Which ones do they deal with first? Can we do that without being biased, or is there a real plan? I mean, is there an answer? Okay.
As this is actually related to what everybody was saying earlier, and specifically what Curtis was just sharing, we have different conversations with ourselves. Yeah. We have to, and I think about my father-in-law, who absolutely, the... The concept of death was just, he could not grapple with it. Well, can we all 100% agree 100% of us are going to do that? We don't get to know when. That's the other thing.
So I think that we have a conversation with ourselves about what we value and how we feel about death and make it okay for those around us. Because if we do that, it makes the rest of us. a whole lot easier you know i think julian that in that regard when you've lost someone who was younger it makes it a lot easier to do that you know my mom died at 31.
uh two of her cousins died before 50. two of my uncles had heart attacks before 50 and almost died chris's brother had a heart attack before 50. i've got lots of stuff in my family that says hello right I don't have a lot of relatives that lived into their 80s or beyond. And so for me, it just makes natural sense for me, rather than going the direction of denial, I went the other direction, which is I have to deal with this stuff.
It gives me peace of mind to know that my kids don't have to deal with that stuff when I'm gone. So how many of you just brought up curiosity so we can start in the room here. How many of you are already older than your parents were when they passed away? Raise your hand. Yeah, significant number. That's typical, right? And so this is uncharted territory. And as we said back in January, February seminars, if you're 80...
right now or older if you're 80 or older and you don't have a major chronic uh or terminal health condition already chances are you will live to be over 100. that's the statistic take that in for a second If you're eight years older, you do not have a chronic or terminal condition right now. Chances are, high likelihood, statistically, you will live to be 100 or older. Most people have not thought that through.
And they think they're going to live in their 4,000-square-foot house with all the veterans about their cliff stairs on two acres with a pond and a pool until they're 110. Okay. I'm happy to help you try that, but that's not what I want to do. So I guess my point is, like you said, get real, right? We had a broker years ago, he's a cure killer, and he used to say, get real, get right. Get real and get right.
like get out of denial he's talking about sales people so you can be real correct right get real right and you know and it was like okay you know what am i denying what am i not wanting to pay attention to so let's keep going jennifer you had something you want to add to that conversation about like Where do they start? What are the steps? Who, what, when? Yeah, I think the key is to start. So once you, you know, once you decide we need to do something.
take action on that and if you don't know where to start or who to call. You're here today, so I feel like this is a good start. So you are starting because you're here listening and being educated. You are more than welcome to call any one of us sitting out here. That's why we're here and we are sponsors of this program is because we are interested in educating people and I'm happy to spend the time and talk to you.
even if you decide you don't want to hire me that's perfectly fine um you know i enjoy talking to people about estate planning i don't know maybe that's weird but i really no it's not i i like what i do and i like to talk to people about that. And so, you know, and I think all of us here, I know Curtis also is in that same bucket. He likes to talk to people about state planning.
so we'd be happy to talk to you so just start and don't you know don't be intimidated about picking up the phone and calling or stopping at the table back there and talking to me if you have a question because i'm happy to
to talk to me about that. Do people shop attorneys? Like they shop real estate agents, you know, they'll pick one. They'll be with one real estate agent. Some people will just choose that one. Some people can be with 10. But what do people do with attorneys? How does that work? Yeah, and that's perfectly fine too if you want to interview a couple of attorneys. I mean, sometimes people are up front with me when I talk to them on the phone.
and they say well i'm talking to a few attorneys well that's that's fine that's great you know you need to find somebody that's going to be a good fit for you um and so i think that's you know perfectly fine to ask around and ask questions ask about their Okay, I'm laughing because I know we do have one mutual gentleman that we know. He'll ask 25 different attorneys the same question because he's looking for the answer he wants.
Now that is probably not the best strategy. So you can get to a point where it's going to hinder your progress in getting things done. So it's okay if you want to interview a couple people. I say maybe three is plenty. But go ahead and take action and move forward. And as Curtis pointed out earlier,
You don't have to know the answer to every question when you come in and sit down to do your plan. We'll help walk you through that, and what you're doing can be changed. So it's better to have something in place rather than... It's easier to write someone out than it is to write someone in, isn't it? Right. I had one thing in mind.
I'm changing with Jennifer's comment. I'm trying to cover both. The first question, again, I'm an analogy guy, but you've got to be accountable or hold yourself accountable for taking care of these things. And if you don't feel equipped to do that, find someone who can. And my suggestion is it not be your spouse. Because...
They probably are frustrated if you're not. I've got a client today that I've been working with for over 10 years who has yet to darken the door of a law firm and needs to desperately. She's fed up having that conversation. I'm always behind that. conversation. That's what I'm paid to do. And I don't have any reservation to say it because it's the right thing to say. So in terms of getting these things going.
to steal the advertising from Nike, just do it. And if you can't hold yourself accountable, find someone who will and give them a lot of grace because if they're good at it, they're going to be a nuisance until you take care of what's important. Curtis, what do you do, though, when you have a spouse that is...
just not agreeable and won't do what you believe needs to be done. You know, you can be a worship leader, right? So it's just, I mean, I just feel like it's my ministry sometimes just to be, say, listen, I apologize by you. No, this is important, right? And intellectually, they'll agree with it. But I'm not going to shame anybody either. I'm not going to say, you know, you're going to leave your...
But I tell stories. I don't mind changing people just saying, you need your spouse. It's not a thing, but it's not a thing. I remember having a family member talking about something like that. You need to go to Al-Anon or something. It's just being persistent, but also giving them grace, too, because for whatever reason, it's hard. I understand that it's hard.
that's what we're here to do i think in many cases but you know find that person who can be help you with accountability the person who drags you out on a walk every day the person who Make sure that you're eating well and exercising. The people that you meet at church or the people you meet in civic events, there are people there that want the best for you too.
you know we all should be able to appreciate that now there's a few of us that don't appreciate anything and god bless them but anyway that's that's that's just the nature of if you can't tell i just like paying attention to humans now Jennifer's comment, I think, is a terrific one, too. You know, when someone asks us for referrals, when we...
Part of our service, it's hard to describe what all we do, but when we're talking about estate planning, I tell people I'm not an attorney, I'm not a CPA, I'm just a lowly trust officer who's done this for about going on three decades.
I've got a little bit of experience. I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let me give you some advice. You decide what to do with it. But if you need an attorney, here's three names of people who I think would be a terrific fit for you. These are people who are very responsive, very engaging. They take a very deep dive into it. It is not a check off the box, do it yourself, internet based, you know, you get the idea. And I would submit to you this, you know, cost matters, but don't go.
choosing them based on price. Because I think you're going to know by the depth of their inquiry how much they want to know about you is going to tell you a lot about. what their work product is going to look like. Garbage in, garbage out. So when I'm talking to people, if someone comes in, if they want to talk about investments, they go, Curtis, I've got a million dollars, we want to invest, what do you think? I go, I think I don't know you.
So it'd be irresponsible to give you an opinion, just like if she didn't go into a deep dive on your family, your family history, your hopes, your fears, your aspirations, your goals, then you're going to get garbage back. Look for the ones who are responsive look for the ones who call you if you leave a message They call you within the day or certainly the next day look for the ones that you shoot an email once you reply if it's an info address at
Jennifer Wright Law, and you don't get an answer for four or five days, no one's paying attention to that. That's not the experience you'll have with Jennifer, and I'm done saying that, but you get the idea. So that's a personal relationship you're building with her. It is.
She was not saying what we do is transactional. What we do is relational. Transactions are transactions, right? That's, you know, that's shopping for a car. But relationship, you need to have, I think, you need to convert for the best. outcome you never need to have a relationship with whomever your advisor is and there's wisdom seeking multiple advisors don't you know consider the source there's a pay down
I'll shut up here after a second. I need to get a word in just when we're in. I was just going to say, there's a great book that is out there. It's called The Wealthy Harbor. to get your kids a Christmas present. Go find the wealthy barber because it takes you step by step. The point of this was a son goes to his father looking for advice because he said, Dad, you guys have been great. He goes, well, we've had some luck because we went to a very good advisor. Well, who's your advisor?
It's Bill the Barber. What? Bill the Barber? And then you start hearing backstory. Well, that's kind of an example of finding people who have good experience, who are objective, who are looking to know you.
and share your concerns and help you solve them one bite at a time. And not just trying to sell you something for those things. So, yeah. But I think there's a lot of value in that, Curtis. And, you know, what occurs to me is, and I'm going to go after the couples thing, because it really is a big issue. And when I say shaming people, I think Curtis is right. Shaming people doesn't work. Telling people what the possible what-ifs are around a circumstance does help sometimes.
But as a spouse, I know Chris and I have been married now for almost 30 years, and we make decisions together as a unit. And if I'm dragging my feet on something, he drags it along with me. And if he's dragging his feet on something, I'm dragging too because I can't make him make the decision.
I will tell you, on the housing side of things, and Julie, I know you guys see this regularly too, most of the time, not always, I'm generalizing, but most of the time, women are ready to move before men are. It's because they're still working. and then have retired.
In many cases, they're now underfoot all the time, and the woman is cleaning more than she ever cleaned, and cooking more than she ever cooked, and still dealing with all the things she's dealt with their entire marriage. He, on the other hand, got a break. I'm generalizing that that's true for many. And what happens is, if there's a health event, and this happens a lot, men have a health event, or wife has a health event, and now she's exhausted.
And now she's beginning to get sick because she's overwhelmed. And she'll say, I won't look into downsizing. And I'll go in and meet, and the wife will meet with me, and the husband won't even come in the room. They'll be in the other room watching TV. And I'm like, you got to be kidding me. I'm like, don't have to say that. They're like, are they not going to meet with us? She goes, no, he doesn't even want to entertain the idea.
And so we're just having a meeting. And I have one woman I'll never forget. We walked out the front door. And as she was walking us out, she just started in tears. She just was in tears. And she said, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't do this anymore.
And I said, well, I have a couple of things, a couple of options for you to consider. And she goes, well, I'm not going to get divorced. And I said, well, that wasn't what I was thinking. But now that you mentioned it, I'm just going to go. I said, no. I said, you can still do your homework. You can still go out and do and look and do some things and get the ball rolling. But at some point, you also need to make him do his own game laundry.
And I'm being honest when I say this, because she and I had a long conversation, and she was doing everything for him. Everything. She would literally make his food and end it to him in his recliner. And I said, quit making him get up out of his refiner and go eat his food. You're doing too much. Now, that's the whole dynamic, but here's what happened after that. I contacted her and I said, I'm going to give you the name of the counselor. You need to see a counselor.
I can't fix this. You can't fix this. You need to see somebody who you can talk to who can help you. This is a marital issue, not a causing issue. right and so it was like that's because i have counseling background i recognize this right this is a this is a marriage issue not a housing issue the the minute that man passed and he did pass unbeknownst to us he was ill
And he passed and she moved immediately to Concordia, like within months. She was like, I'm out. And because she had been ready to move, her plan had been, she had been planning for 10 years. He wasn't doing it. And so she suffered.
Through and then so then you know Julie and them helped her get moved and she has a great life now Right and she lets me tell that story because so many couples and it can go the other way by the way It can be the female that's holding out I'll add one thing on that with the marriage thing because I've seen that too where we have a couple and
You know, usually when I do a consultation, if there's a married couple, I really want to talk to those people at the same time. So sometimes we have this conversation, I'm like, well, is your husband or wife going to join us on the call? And they say, well...
No, they're not. And I get some hesitation there. So if you're facing that situation where you're married and your spouse is not... wanting to have this conversation about estate planning or housing, you know, one way to kind of broach that subject is to invite them to come to the Senior Living Truth series. Sometimes if they hear things from somebody else and not you, they will listen. So you could be telling them, you know, for 10 years.
that you're exhausted and that you'd like to look at and see your community. And then they come here one time and hear somebody else say it and they're like, no, I think we should look at you guys. or you know same with estate planning you know you could be saying i really think we need to do this planning i think we need to do this planning but then somebody else mentions it to them and then they're ready to do it so sometimes it's as simple as that so bring them with you invite them to
to come when you come meet with me at my office and just say, well, we can, let's go to this appointment and then we can go grab lunch or whatever, you know. So sometimes just hearing the information from somebody else makes a big difference. one way to approach it because I've had clients ask me like well how can I get my spouse on board well we all know there's nothing you can you can only control yourself you can't control somebody else and so all you can do is make sure that you're
care of and so if your spouse is not wanting to do their statement you can still do your statement it gets complicated when you have joint abscess but you know i think sometimes if they say you if they see you taking care of these things they'll follow suit Here's a tool, I mean, for dealing with that issue, just one way I've seen it or considered it.
in an effective way. Earlier I said, you know, don't talk to your wife about, or husband, or your spouse, you know, about an issue that is going to be very adversarial. For whatever reason, some of these things become adversarial. And I can tell you, there are times my wife wants to bring up a subject that I don't want to hear. And I view it as criticism, I view it as nagging, and it's none of those things.
But then I'm sitting back on time going, first of all, I'm being self-critical. As I'm thinking this, I'm going, I'm going to never write it down and just tell me what is it you're wanting me to do and why. It takes the tone out of it. puts me in a place where I'm not on the defensive and just spell it out. You know, thinking about my client that I've had for over 10 years whose wife is going, why can't we get our estate plan in place? Well, you know, dear husband.
It concerns me greatly that we're not taking care of an important piece of business here. It's our legacy. There are people that depend on us. I depend on you. You depend on me. I am worried because, you know, that doesn't mean I'm going to love and respect you or care for you or anything. That's the word. I will be a happier person and we will be a happier couple.
if we can take this off the table and get it dealt with. Because there are things that by human nature we just don't want to think about and we don't want to deal with, you know, whether it's our independence or our material. accomplishments our homes and things like that or this idea of the uncertainty that moving to any any you know senior community might have on you the truth is
First of all, it's never as bad as you think. It's probably far easier and less controversial. At the end, I would submit that you're going to have greater tranquility and happiness in your life and in your marriage and in your relationships.
Happy life. Happy life. Do you call it tranquility? It's just happy. Trying to be unobjective. You get where I'm coming from. Julie? Yeah, I think the only thing that we did... we talk about this that it is something that when we did our prep call that kind of resonated in my thought patterns is we do find people that have a hard time we all save our money
set aside college funds, sent the kids to college, you know, and when it was time to send them to college, we didn't, I mean, we may have complained about writing the check, but we wrote the check, right? That wasn't why you saved the money. Right, that's why we saved the money. We didn't question, you know, is it time, right?
so it goes back to the stage thing it was a stage in life right that we knew this is coming so we kind of dropped the ball in my opinion i don't know if it's everywhere but in america for sure is we dropped the ball on the on the next stage and what that looks like we may plan for retirement but we never really define we may even have like the hopes and goals about you know do we want to travel do we want to you know leave money to the kids you know that kind of stuff
But we don't really think about how we're going to spend that money in specifics. Especially if you need care. Right? And so what I have found, and the reason I wanted to mention this, is that we do see a pattern occasionally where people... have saved and it is really their greatest gift they don't have much but they want to give money to their grandkids or to their children and they will go without what they need in order to leave that
At all costs, we are going to leave this $10,000, $20,000, whatever it is, right? And we're going to forego whatever we need. And it is devastating to the family. Because they don't want you to do that right. Well, and I think, just to add to that too, I think I see this all the time where people think it's got to be one or the other. And it can't be both. And that's worth sort of planning and getting the right advice.
who can help you with that, whether it's a legal concern, whether it's a financial concern, all those sorts of things. There are people out there. This sounds like a commercial. people in my in my business and you know some are more willing than others but there are advisors financial advisors who can help you make your navigate through those sorts of questions and you may be right it may be I can't do that but it may be you know what if I can show you a way that you could you could indeed
Downsize and live comfortably and happily in Concordia and still have a legacy for your children. Or live in Concordia and still be able to do the travel you want to do. Whatever that is you're trying to hold on to or to latch on to, it's a matter of giving yourself the liberty and...
opportunity to explore and to dream and talk about those things. Again, it's not one person who's going to answer that question for you, but it's getting a team of advisors and confidants and accountability partners and people like that to help coach you through that. who have that wisdom, have that experience, who aren't just looking for that transaction. Right, and that's what I was going to say.
Exactly how it's going from that is a mindset, right? You go from a mindset, meaning certain transactions to take place, to I'm going to have a mindset that... This is what I need and I need to line up some people that I know I trust. So you have these conversations. It's interesting. We have a person who attends our seminars and I don't even know if she's here today or not. But she came and she said, I know I need to do my estate plan. I know I need to be with an attorney.
I don't have anybody in my life that can do that with me. I'm terrified. And I said, I'll go. I'll go. Make an appointment. She made an appointment. She said, tell Jennifer maybe he's coming with me. Jennifer said, oh, okay.
And I called Jennifer. I said, is it okay? She said, well, she said she wanted you to be there. I said, do you understand? I have no stake in this. I'm just there for moral support. And I sat there in the room while they did their thing. She just needed somebody. She needed a buddy system. Right? And so find the buddy system and go sit with those people.
Okay, let's open it up for questions. If you have a question, raise your hand and shout out the question. We don't have mics from the audience, so I'll repeat it and then pass it off to the audience. Yes, sir, and then I'll come right up here to you. Yes, sir. deal with uh income tax consequences did you say income tax tax consequences as part of the estate planning he asked as part of the estate planning process or the financial planning process
Can you help them deal with and work through what the tax consequences are of certain ways of dealing with their estate? Is that the right question? Somebody's always a tax payer. So I would recommend that this is a very specific scenario that you ask them one-on-one. Is it more of just a general question? I'm not sure I'm hearing it. i can give a general answer i mean i i think what you're asking is part of the estate planning process we're also dealing with tax implications and
Yes, that is part of the discussion. And I do also, one of the questions I ask is who... The answer is yes. And what you're going to find is in the estate planning realm, we're going to be dealing with things that are going to be about estate taxes, call them whatever you want.
Right now, we're going to find out in 2025 what the new rules are going to be. Financial advisors, my associate Sam Weir back there, is a certified financial planner. There are people whose role is, among other things specifically, Back up a little bit. When you work a lifetime to accumulate whatever wealth you accumulate, retirement plans, 401ks, IRAs, homes, businesses, all those sorts of things.
At some point, you're going to transition to the point where you're no longer an accumulator, but you're going to need to put those dollars to work. There are certainly advisors. Wealth Management is built around helping you. Keep as many private smallest check possible to the IRS and their strategies that can be done. There are pre-retirement, pre-transition strategies. There are post-retirement strategies or post-transition.
In the estate planning, there are post-mortal strategies, but you don't want to rely on those. There are strategies that can be invoked and can be utilized earlier, you know, prior to death. So the answer is yes, that's a long answer.
No, it is. I would recommend that if you have a more specific question about that, that's what that yellow email is for or feedback form. Write it specifically out there and we'll pass it to the correct person to answer that for you. Yes, Julie, I think you have your hand up. Yeah. So her question is, as part of setting up an estate plan, is part of that setting up a trust, and do you recommend that was her question. Yes, so estate planning, you know,
You kind of have a couple different options as far as what type of land would be best for you. Just as a general answer, you know, for most people in Oklahoma, I do recommend trusts. because they're really good at avoiding probate at your death and avoiding guardianship if you become incapacitated.
more questions about that again i'm happy to answer those we there are a lot of documents that go into an estate plan like your health care documents power of attorney advanced directive financial power of attorney so all those will be part of the plan as well quick story and her answer is i agree with everything she said
The problem is when you get advice from people who don't need to be giving that sort of advice. I had an associate who one time, he was very impressive-looking gentleman, distinguished, well-dressed.
And I heard him tell someone of his clients if you get a trust of more than seven pages long You're wasting money And he saw, I didn't say anything, I didn't interrupt, and I just, he just got, I think he saw the whites in my eyes, and he came to me, and he was older than, you know, more senior than I am, and was very self-conscious.
do you have a problem with me i said not probably your advice i think it was dangerous and i think you're wrong and i don't think you know what you're talking about doesn't mean you don't have an opinion you're not and you're entitled to it but i'm just telling you you're wrong Well, the point of that is, you know, if you go to, if someone goes, you don't need a trust, there's, you know, whatever, or you don't need a will, or you don't, you know, it's just.
You know, people are entitled to opinions, but be careful who you go to get them. And some people are working off of old information, too, frankly. That's the other thing, too. Some people are working off of what it used to be like, and now, in our day and age, today, different tools for different circumstances. Right.
Everybody's situation is different, so that the answer to that, the quick answer to that is always it depends. Tell me more about your situation. Guys, that's why the consultation is so important. When Jennifer said earlier, just start.
The start question is the exact question you just asked. You're sitting in front of her and you say, do I need a trust? And she says, well, I don't know. Let's ask some questions. And then she'll tell you maybe, maybe not based on these things. So that was a great question. And it allowed us to kind of explain. It depends thing. Yeah. I saw a couple of other hands, but I don't remember where they were. Yes, ma'am. And then I'll get you ready. Yes, ma'am. Yeah, you're good.
So let's repeat the question. She's asking what is the difference between a health care proxy that's in an advanced directive and your health care agent that you would name and your health care power of attorney. So those are two separate documents, and I do recommend people have both. So there's an advanced directive for health care. You may hear your hospital or doctor call that a living will.
I don't like that name because then people are thinking they're talking about your last will and testament, right? But it's a medical type document. It's a health care document. So in the advanced directive, you name somebody to be your health care proxy. So they're the ones that are going to carry out your wishes in that document. That advanced directive document is end-of-life situations.
So there's different conditions listed and then you actually make choices on that document as far as how you want to be treated. So like one of the conditions is if I'm terminal. and then you have to say whether you're going to be on life support if you've got a terminal condition and whether you want like a feeding tube so those are the types of questions that are on that document it's very specific things okay so that
Advanced Directive is very specific. And those Advanced Directive forms are readily available because it's a statutory form the Oklahoma Legislature has put in our statutes. I know, like, Maryland, Olson, like the Villages, they have that form available. It's important, but it's not going to cover every situation. So the healthcare power of attorney...
is needed for all of the other medical decisions. So not everything is an end-of-life scenario that's going to fall under that advanced directive document. There are a whole host of medical decisions that somebody could... need to make for you, like authorizing you to have surgery if you're not able to make that decision yourself. So feeding tubes kind of fall under that other category.
pain relief, you know, making arrangements if you needed hospice care. So all those decisions fall under that general health care power of attorney, and the person you name in that document to be your agent would make those decisions.
On the documents that I prepare in my office, whoever you name is your health care power of attorney agent, that is the same person that's going to be your health care proxy because I don't want there to be a conflict between those two positions because it could get... a little dicey with your medical decisions. And again, I think it's a great question that points out just exactly what we've been trying to say, is that you can't figure this stuff out on your own on Google. I've tried.
And I'm a pretty smart person. And I'm pretty computer savvy. But the advice you get online does not specifically say, by the way, this, if, then this, then that. And if this, then that.
And also, you know, just another danger of Googling things, some of these things are very state specific. And so if you are Googling to find your state planning forms, you don't know where those are coming from or... what state or even if they're valid so everything with estate planning is state specific so you need you need to make sure that you're looking at the right information
you know there's we all have so many stories we could tell you about the disasters that happen when people don't do it the right way but we don't have enough time in the whole day to do that yeah My concern is when you set up a state planning, does the other party have to physically be present?
So if someone lives out of state that's going to be like your healthcare proxy or something like that, do they have to live in the state or do they have to be present for the estate planning process? Is that the question? No. I mean, people have family that lives all over the place. And so if you're naming somebody as your power of attorney, they don't necessarily have to live here.
have you know let's say they have three children and there's one that lives here that may be the best option for their health care decisions but that person may not be the best person to manage their finances so As far as living in the state, there's no requirement that they have to live here to serve in those roles.
Well, so hang on, Betty. So just, you don't have to choose a relative. Let's be really clear about that. Curtis, is that what you're going to say? Well, no, what I was going to say, and you know, I've spoken about that before, too. One of the things that would alarm me, though, is... to kind of use my mother as the example. Four kids, one spouse, mother's in ICU, and my sister and I are the only ones in town. Had we not been available in everybody else's...
You know, if it's an emergency situation, there's no one with any proximity to be able to deal with some of those decision making, and that can bring. treatment to a screeching halt. My thought would be, Jennifer's the practitioner here, but my thought would be if your ideal would be a child or someone who lives out of state, they might be your primary, but if they're unwilling or unable to serve.
then you have a backup. It might be somebody local, and it may be, you know, it could be some member or close friend in your church. I mean, you just got to be selective about that, but you got to think of it in practical terms. And that's, again, that's one of those things is not an attorney, not a CPA. But we ought to be able to, from experience, be able to share with you situations that would have been a huge problem had there not been some thought put in advance.
It's not an arbitrary decision. It's really got to be well thought out, and that's what all these questions are about. It's a very question of a yes. I saw a couple of other hands. I apologize. Yes, sir. If you have a will and you want to switch to a trust, Is that difficult to do and how do you cancel out? So if you have a will already and you want to possibly switch over to a trust, is that difficult to do and does that cancel out the old document? How does that work?
Yes, so you can definitely do that. I actually just did this recently with a client a few years ago. He was adamant that he just wanted a will plan. So we did a will plan, and then he came back in to visit with me, and he thought about it some more, talked to his family about it, and they decided really a trust would be a better option.
we moved him into you know a trust estate plan and with the trust you still do have a will so it gets a little bit confusing but you're still going to have a will And that new will is going to say, I leave everything to my trust. And it's really just there as a backup if you...
Don't get all your assets moved into the trust. And this could get into a long conversation. So I'm trying to keep it simple. But that new will will revoke your old will. So it's got to have the right language in it. That's why it's important. do things the right way. Do all wills have to be probated?
Does it have to be probate? If you only have a will, Jennifer, and you're not going to trust the state plan, and then we'll stop questions here, and you guys can ask those personal, but do you? Yeah. So in order for a will to have any effect, it does have to go through the probate process. So a judge would have to determine that it's a valid will. The judge has to determine who the heirs are, make sure everybody gets noticed.
and then they admit that will to probate. So in order for that will to do anything, it has to go through probate. Sometimes people don't have any assets that are going to be subject to probate. So if your assets go by beneficiary designation, then maybe that will doesn't have to go through probate. But in order for your will to do what it says it's going to do, it has to be admitted to probate.
And I'm going to answer that and say it depends. It depends on your circumstances. You have your estate, your total estate, everything you own is your estate. There are certain things you own that may be part of your probate estate. and some things that aren't life insurance is generally not a probate asset because you have beneficiary designations 401ks are not generally your successions but your house if you own it outright is probably going to be probated
depending on value. So there's always exceptions to the rules, and this is why getting it done professionally and making sure you get it done right, and it's also an example of where over the course of time... It's not get it right the first time. It's get it done the first time. And be prepared to make changes as circumstances. Guys, can we appreciate them for a wonderful event?
to point out where they're going to be. So Curtis and Jennifer have a table right back here and right next to them is where Julie and her table with Kelly backed up and Courtney have as well.
there are different questions um our team with luckily group and obviously mature moves about housing stuff is right back here as well i want to just point out a couple of things what i heard each of them say in one way or another in their own way was be a student of transition right be a student of transition I love the fact that there are so many estate pleading questions. But can I just say this?
That is all really fine and good, but if you haven't had a conversation about with your kids or your spouse about where you're going to live if something were to happen to your health. Then what good is any of this, right? So there is more to transition than just doing those documents and then pretending that life is okay. There are lots of other deeper conversations that have to be had.
And I'm going to tell you the best place to do that. Steve McMaster's is back here with the Villages. And the Villages does a thing called the Gift Workshop. The Gift Workshop. And if you are struggling or would like to have better conversations with the people in your life about the things that matter, including your estate plan, including where you're going to live, including in the life stuff, including all those things.
The gift is a very short, what is it now, six weeks or four weeks? Four-week workshop, but you put together a binder, and it's not a one-and-done thing. It's a process. But I will tell you there's no better way to do it than that. So check in with them if you're interested in that. Be a student. Read books. Go online. Listen to podcasts. Talk to your pastor. Talk to the people. This is not something that you just...
Talk about once a month, right? This is a transition in your life. I'm 53 years old. I'm going through a transition, I promise you. And I'm a great parent now. And I have this real struggle. of work and family and i would really really spend more time with my grandkids than i ever expected who knew they're cool
So I'm having to think, right, differently than I thought 10 years ago. And I know some of you are going through that, too. Okay. Upcoming trainings. Just to remind everybody, next month, this is the topic, the journey from me to me. Widowhood from a male perspective, this time we have women last time, a lot of women this time, or men this time.
And that is on October 3rd, right back here. The shredding of it, I talked about that. Get rid of some stuff. Get your tax stuff from years ago gone. Anything that's hanging out there that you don't need. And then the Villages also has these classes coming up September, October, November. They have prayers about that in the back as well. And I believe they asked the nurse.
is on your, you can pre-register for that on the handout that we gave you. The real estate team back here, my group, Buffalo group, and OKC Mature Moves is going to do a little session at the library called Move management, new managers tell all the good, the bad, the funny. They're going to talk about some of the challenges and idiosyncrasies that people have when it comes to dealing with their stuff, right?
They have enough to fill about 20 years worth of content. Nerve Renewal back here is doing a program at the Healthy Living Center over on Rockwell. That's September the 24th. At 10 a.m., you don't have to register for that one to show up, the little power hour that they're doing.
And then, of course, each one of their tables, I know Legends has some things coming up. They have a charcuterie board thing that they're doing that is kind of a fun social thing. They're doing a class on VA aid in attendance coming up. And so their table, right back here, you can pick up their flyer on that. I would highly recommend. I don't know about the charcuterie board. I can't speak for that. But the VAA can send this one for sure if you're a veteran or no veteran.
Can I just say one thing before we part ways today? It's a blessing, I think, to be in Oklahoma, and it's a blessing to have the kind of people here who are willing to give their time, their energy, their resources, their knowledge. And really, frankly, their love and compassion. And I don't think everybody has that. So can we just be grateful that we live here in an amazing state?